Lawrence's Musical Journey

16/4/07

2007-04-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to feel the stress senior has. The difference is, seniors will have the knowledge enough to solve any problems juniors like me face. For me to think of solutions to solve problems of people even more junior than me is..... not an easy task. I don't like the feeling. I think I'll ask for help.... help..... (as though thats gonna help)

Because of this problem, I don't have mood to do anything tonight. My body is feeling strange as well, so tired, so lazy. Just don't feel like moving. But I know, thats signs of other things... but I'm gonna ignore for now.

I hope things will get better as days go by. Anyway, I feel that my current job seniors are nice. They joke and chat quite a bit but that also means an increase in inefficient time... who cares?

I'm looking forward to the day when I officially hand in my resignation letter. I really can't stand using my brain so much now. I really wanna do music, something that needs a little talent and alot of perseverance. I want to do something that a worker like me can excel in. I don't need to be super talented to be successful in it.

Thats all i wanna say for now.

15/4/07

2007-04-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

Does one have to twist their face so much during singing to make themself sound good? Well, if that is the case, I shall learn. Equipped with a unique voice, Yui's glitter surpassed all who went for the audition with Sony Records. She isn't those type that you'll say she looks like goddess. But with that kind of voice, I bet she'll be able to warm up many hearts.

Somehow, these few days or perhaps this week was not as good as I thought. But then again, I'm recovering from it at a quick rate. I guess music healed me. Sometimes I really hate heavy rock but then again, Yui's heavy rock didn't seem too heavy for me. Maybe its at tolerance level but still tolerable.

I like the sound of a tuned guitar. When one strum's a chord, the chord rings in harmony. I like that crispy sound. I can feel it. Music... not heard, but felt.

Today went to watch a free concert performance in Esplanade. Watching it alone isn't that bad eh. I can look around the hall while the music is going on. I can close my eyes, I can do whatever I want. After the concert, I can just walk out and go wherever I want.

The freedom of being alone. I can choose to have idols in my heart. I don't know why the stereotypes would think that any guys who idolise girl actresses would be because of "dirty" minds. Can't guys idolise female actresses or singers? There are all sorts of other reasons too. Like, because of the sweetness, because of the smiles, the heart, and how the actresses drew tears out of guys.... can?

Just a little side track here. I don't know who'll be reading this blog but, whoever you are, feel free to tag me. You can remain as anonymous, i don't mind. Sore Ja, thats all for today. Lets hope one day I can type my blog in japanese. heee

9/4/07

2007-04-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

I'm experiencing alot of new things lately. New experience, new thoughts, new feelings. Well, let me list them one by one.

First is about my job. Currently, working as an audit associate. Its a shit life. But then again, my life till now in audit can be considered one of the best life. But I can't foresee myself staying here for the next few years. The work and stress that one has to take is really too much for my capacity. I don't have a very stable mental state. In fact, there is a violent soul inside me. I know I might one day punch someone if I stay in this audit field longer. The only thing that can calm me down is music. I'm moving away from audit, into music.

It was during a weekend when thoughts flooded through my mind. Without much thoughts at that time, I chose to be a musician by signing on as a regular in the SAF bands. I know I'll not be given alot of money but I know my mind can reach a stable and safe state there. My audition was in January and I passed my IPPT on 7th March. Till now, I'm still waiting for them to call me to confirm my application. They are.... really slow.

Second, I have decided to try alot of new things and to pursue what I've not manage to have time to do in the past. I started practicing my keyboard alot. Bought music books to practice. Through these few weeks of practice, I find that my left hand's dexterity improved. How amazing it is for my left hand to play something which I thought i could never do it. Even typing on the computer keyboard becomes faster. (english is still as bad, i know)

After watching a jap drama series, I've started to regain my interest in guitar too. I've gotten back some of my books which i lent to some friends long time ago. Its time to get back everything and leave nothing hanging over...

I've also started to gain super interested in the Jap language. I went to library to borrow books, and did whatever to know the language more.

Now, I really want to learn as much things as I can. I'm 24 now, not much time to live on. If my max age is 80, I would have to earn enough by 60 for retirement. But I will still want to work even after retirement. There are alot of things which I want to try.

1) work in a retail industry
2) learn how to bake cake
3) stay in Japan for a few years in the future
4) sit in a racer's car and experience the thrill
5) perform on stage with a world class orchestra in future
6) Conduct my own band and get recognised

Regarding music performance, I won't be majoring in Euphonium. I've taken the challenge to start learning Bassoon. I hope I'll do well. No matter what, I'll put in my best to learn it well. Behold..... the man with tonnes of determination is back. Chiong loh

8/4/07

2007-04-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'm back... (I wonder why I'm back) after so long of the dormant period for postings in blog. This time, I write with no specific audience in mind. Just for myself.

One post is definitely not enough for what happened since the last time I posted. There were tonnes of experiences, feelings and regrets (if any).

It is only recently that I've decided to give up playing maple story and put the time elsewhere for other things.... other more meaningful stuffs.

Seriously, I've spent way too much time on useless gamings. I don't know what I've learnt from it other than.... getting bullied, scolding ppl, see the real world and how kids are growing up in this new computer age.

These thoughts came soon after I watched some Japanese dramas. They taught me alot of things. They also re-enforced some of my philosophy in life.

Time is ticking every moment and really, seriously, life is fragile. Make full use of all the time you have to do something meaningful, to yourself or to others.

As for my inner self, its really up and down throughout these 4 mths. And believe it or not, I've decided to move out of audit. I'm aspiring to be a full time musician, satisfying the thirst in my heart for some warmth. The coldness of the business world does give me shivers. Way too cold.

Today, I visited a place (in the online world) and noted something which made me wanna come back to write. I find that fate is playing tricks... and I've left a clue behind. If that person manage to solve it, then.... its really... perhaps unbelievable. I thought my mind has already settled down... but again, it was shaken slightly which made me left the clue. How... dumb, I thought. Well I can't be bothered so much, just wanting to live my life to the fullest now, even if i'm just alone.

Hitori janai. music ga arimasu. Ima wa ukashi ga gambarimasu. Ja mata.

10/12/06

2006-12-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

Performed with Moulmein Wind Symphony at Singapore Conference Hall. Today watched SAF band concert at Esplanade. Totally amazing and enjoyable sound. The band has transformed so much. World Class band. No doubt. The details of it, leave in inside my memories. Shall share no more.

13/11/06

2006-11-13T16:12:00.000+08:00

Such coldness in the office. Alone, stranded at one corner. Needed by no one, no job, no assignment. Everyone left office for their new job assignment. At the corner of the office, I'm alone.... waiting for something to do, for someone to ask me to do something. Waiting for time..... to pass.

A new definition in how I feel...

Engines of life, Physically stalled last week, Mentally stalled this week. I don't dare to think about next week.

Too many things in maple affected me. My guild leader disappointed me and made me lose out on a bid for a good weapon. People inside just likes to bully people. Or.... am I just assuming that they are bullying me and allow them to do that and resign to fate? Or am I just weak in nature.

I didn't talk much, not even when friends are around. My face dark and black throughout. Signs of headache... the cold has gone into my head. I am not trying to be cool in front of people, I'm just frozen. I just don't know what to say to my friends. I just think that keeping quiet is the best way of staying away of trouble.

My voice box just doesn't want to speak. My mind just don't want to communicate. The wall is up, fortified, and more indestructible as before. Often, I have ideas and things that I want to say, but my mouth just couldn't open. My mind says " there is no need, stay out of it. Shut up"

How long can I stand this? How long. How can I help myself? How? So many how? I need to get myself out of this but how? Is my lifestyle causing these problems? Too much games? Too little interaction with living things?

Many a times, I find myself communicating more using musical means. I sang in ktv, using all my effort and feelings. I felt so relieved during the ktv session on last sat. My friends then continued the outing to a place (in JB) for a seafood meal while I went back Singapore for band prac... I actually felt that I did the right thing of leaving the group.... I reviewed that situation and considered the following points:

1) I wouldn't have spoken much during the meal, so it doesn't make a diff if i stay or not

2) My friend's car doesn't have enough space for me, so I better leave

3) I saved money!!

4) I'm back in singapore and safe from getting robbed

But..... I lost the chance to interact with friends... which I am still unsure if I lack it.

Do I need interaction? Can I live totally with inanimated objects? Can I (or even any human) truly live in solitude forever? Am I training myself for the future?

Why am I running away from all gatherings? Is money a consideration? Is my weird behaviors a consideration? Is my presence that important in big groups at all?

当一个人渐渐远离人群，慢慢被遗忘的时候，离开就变成没有那么痛。

I kept thinking of those words..... The meaning of leaving.... where am I going? Where? A total disappearance? Or just a partial departure?

Why am I typing all these....? Worst of all, in office.... THat just shows... how much I have nothing to do..... Is this a way to get rid of me? Giving me nothing to do? Forcing me to be in a difficult situation in future when I have so little experience in audit?

What if I get to be a team in charge? What will happen? Will I catch up? How to survive? Or just give up? Run away? Hide. FIght ? COnfused.....

SIck, idiotic, pathetic, ....... I just need time.... to pick myself.....

How much longer?? 2 weeks already..... how much longer more? I want to smile.... where... CAn't find.... WHY??? I don't know what i'm typing now......... sTOP STOP!!

4/11/06

2006-11-04T09:18:00.000+08:00

I'm down. I got no where to voice how i feel. I just got this place to write it out and then forget about it.

Falling sick during my leave period is really dumb. Why can't i fall sick during the normal working days so that i can take MC? sigh. That's the no. one depressing thing.

Getting bullied in maple isn't that much fun too. Here are the details. I experienced it twice. Both happened in this map where I am training to level. The first time, I was partying a group of ppl and was occupying this map. In a party, there are 6 members, including myself. During that time, alot of people went afk and left only me (level 91) and another warrior (level 60+). Then came this idiot, wanting to party us, asking us to invite him into the pt. I told him we are full. Then he just come and ks us (ks = kill steal. Killing mobs so that we don't have things to kill). Then nvm, he still ask all his friends to come, and that warrior and me was left with no choice but to leave the place. So sad... I lost the map and I was the party leader....

The second time, I invited this person into the party. Then in a short while, one group of ppl just came into the map and started ksing us tooo. The group of ppl increased and we were damn fedup also. Then we realised that the person offended them. And the bad ppl say that since I'm the party leader, I will also suffer with that person. WHat logic is that? In the end, I asked them to settle their dispute outside and everything got resolved. I managed to keep ownership of that map. My party can train in peace.

All those happened when I was damn sick lah, nose kept running. I can't believe that you CAN get bullied in maple. Its like gang fight. DAmn. idiot loh.

Then now i'm so sick and I realised that westwinds have a performance tomorrow!! How to play. Now i go see doctor liao. Stupid me, trying to endure and see doc on monday.

Then also, this person.... msged me. I'll rather that this person don't sms me actually. The coldness is just too strong. Why msg me when that person is so cold in the msg? My collegues have chalet today. I can't go.... band prac.

I'm just so sian. Everytime that person msg, I'll just feel so cold. cooooooold.

Although I've so many negative emotions inside, I'm grateful that one person actually msned me and ask me how I was. I know you might just be the only one reading this. I thank you. Truly.

31/10/06

2006-10-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Finally, feel like writing things. I guess, the only time where I'll be writing will be during times whether I'm either super happy or super sad. read on to find out which one i'm feeling.

Good news! The profession finally decided its time to revise our remuneration. Its about time.... I'm totally broke after helping a friend with his finance problems. I don't know why I can trust him with my money(If i don't need my savings, its alright to save a friend's life?). If my mum knows it, I'll be chopped dead.

I finally have time to rest. I took a week's leave and today is my second day of leave. But.... I don't feel good at home at all. All the negative energy surrounds my house. I really dread staying at home. I would feel better going to work I suppose. Worst of all, I have to fall ill today. I don't know when I'll be ok. Perhaps when the negative energy subsides, I will feel fine again. It sux.

As for my maple story, I'm now level 91!! I chiong so much until my maple friends say i crazy. I trained 24 hrs on the sat the week before last(if you know what i mean) to train from level 82-86. Then I trained from 87-90 last friday. 90-91 is hell. Getting harder to level. When can I reach 100? sians....

Think its time to sleep. I hardly talk to anyone lately. I'm lazy and tired. The only time I express myself is today, when I took up the microphone at home and Sing to my heart's content. I LOVE SINGING>!! though i sound like crazy man. haa

2/10/06

2006-10-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

Nothing about work. Work is just plain and dull. The business work makes me shiver. I yearn to be closer to human hearts, full of warmth and love. I say all these because I feel the warm and family love in this jap show called "A diary of Tears". I really feel how much love the family members are. I also learnt that things might hit unexpectedly and change lives forever. When that happens, we then need to face it totally.

Life is short.... To put your life totally into work is just so wasteful. Business world doesn't let me feel love. No care, no feelings, just business. I'm really thinking if I can only feel such warmth in dramas. I really feel like i'm living in the drama show itself. The environment, the people, the situation, the feelings. I get so connected that I forgotten that I'm living in the real world itself. I am really glad to have this ability to feel.

The song in that show is even better. The composer is really great. The voice of the singer, perfect voice for the song.

Care, love, and warmth... where?

25/9/06

2006-09-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

When was the last time i come in to type my thoughts? I can't remember. I suddenly realise that I only post on my blog when i feel uncomfortable about things that go around me. But this time, I'm not uncomfortable. I just think that I have already let go most of the things and live life just like that. No demands, no expectations, just enjoy.

I didn't feel sad anymore when I know that i'm still alone now. It doesn't matter. My mind now is that, life is short, try more new things while you can. "What have I not tried" is always in my mind. Forcing myself to eat super spicy noodles, join the inter-department dance competition, boxing in gym (and get my hand strained). Somehow, if I weren't alone, I won't have the chance to do alot of other things. So, this is the bright side I know I'm in.

Oh yes, maple story as well. I had all the time in the world to play games. I had all the time to play in a band. The best thing of all, no one nags at me.

I tell myself, "I will not be hindered by anyone" "No one can stop my progress", No one hee.

Suddenly feel that I'm not ready and I won't be ready haaa. Yuppie. I will show everyone, I will still be happy, being myself.

9/9/06

2006-09-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time, since i last step onto the sandy beach of East Coast Park. I suddenly realise that the lesser the time we have to get close to nature, the more we would appreciate the time we use to get close to it. Everything in life seems to be the same. As you consume/experience/watch/see/talk/look (any action you can think of) more and more of something, you will get more and more sick of it. The opposite is true.

There is still a little pinch inside when i looked at the blue blue water. As the sound of waves starts to orchestrate in a rhythmic pattern, it just brings me to a state of blocking other things from all my senses. The sun grew gradually in strength. I didn't hide from it. I let it warm me up, hoping it will warm my heart as well.

I rented a bike, and embarked on a journey of senseless travelling. I didn't know what was going on around me. I just pedal and pedal, as hard and as fast as possible, wanting to release all the energy inside me. What went through my ear was only the sound of wind. Thats all i need. Peace and quiet plus the sound of nature.

I travelled a distance that no one can imagined. Although it might seem to have a destination, I felt that there wasn't any end to the journey. It was long, tough, and scorching. I placed a test on myself initially, to travel with little water. But I couldn't help it but to stop at a shop to buy a bottle of 1L mineral water. It cost 2.50 bucks. I was chopped. Whatever.

I managed to reach both ends of the coast. I was proud. I was tired. I was delighted. In the end, I turned red. Red on both of my arms, and face. Chao ta would describe it well.

There isn't much communication with my collegues during the cycling time. I was alone, which was what i wanted. They were all having fun rollar blading.

After all those exercising, we went to Macdonalds for some unhealthy food. But was very filling. I was contented with the unhealthy food. I give myself a break from the all healthy vege rice haa.

There were also gay pictures taken. Again, I was one of the cast. Argh, am i really so gay? Maybe i should just turn myself into a permanent gay. I'm so affected when it comes to girls thing. I'm tired about girls stuff liao. Oh ya, I behave much much like a girl now, cuz i talk as much as them liao.

Sometimes, i really wish that those girls who i am sort of interested in, would be cruel to me and ignore me if they doesn't like me. Talking to me once in a while might give me an idea that I could have a chance. But i rationalise that idea quite fast too, together with some form of disappointment. I hate the disappointment feeling.

I just wan to have no expectation, then i won't have disappointment. But to have no expectation, I need the other party to help me. Be cruel, and leave me alone. Thats easy right? DOn't tell me its difficult cuz ignoring ppl is easy. Just do it, Nike!!

Thats all for today.

8/9/06

2006-09-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

STORIES - The Cracked Pot

A water bearer had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot always arrived only half full. The other pot however, was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection; it was miserable that it was unable to do what it had been made to do.

After two years of enduring this bitter shame, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself and I apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

The cracked pot was puzzled by this response but heeded the instructions. As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, and not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we've walked back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Self-Confidence

You probably wouldn't be counting, but it's been estimated that on average we make between 300 and 400 self-evaluations per day. Now if that's a surprising statistic to you, what do you think of this one? Out of those 300 to 400 self-assessments, about 80% are negative.

The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in. A good mistake can often send us into prolonged and repeated sessions of self-flagellation.

"That was stupid. I can't believe you said that! Remember the last time you messed things up? Why do you always do that?"

Now, you wouldn't say that to a friend or co-worker, would you? So why would you say such things to yourself?

Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse. Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often, we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had lots of help!". It may be a cultural thing, but most of us tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.

Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you're always selling yourself short, you're also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.

Scott Adams, the Dilbert Cartoonist, once put into practice the power of moving on from mistakes and not dwelling on them. He says: "Once at a tennis tournament, I was paired with a woman who had just learned how to play. Every time she missed a shot, she immediately turned to me, expecting that I would be disappointed or frustrated. Instead, I talked to her about our strategy for the next point. By doing so, I sent a very important message: The past doesn't matter. I didn't encourage her with empty praise-that rarely works. But I know that if she dwelled on a mistake, she was more likely to repeat it, and that if she focused on how we were going to win the next point, she was more likely to help us do just that. Over several days, her abilities improved dramatically and we ended up winning the tournament."

Treat yourself the same way.

Promoting Yourself

Many of us are uncomfortable with the idea of promoting ourselves. Ask anyone about doing more to get themselves out there and more often than not, you'll get a shrug, a groan and something like "Oh I don't know?", "I just don't have the time", or "I don't have anything valuable to sell".

This could be because society is abound with connotations of arrogance or vanity associated with promoting oneself; things like "tooting your own horn", "blowing your own trumpet", or "you're so full of yourself".

But if you're not going to promote yourself, who will? We can say all we like about contestants in Singapore Idol, Miss Universe, etc. but the truth is, they had the guts to put themselves out there. They weren't waiting for some head-hunter to knock on their doors (which rarely happens); they ran towards their dreams with everything they had. In the process, they were judged, sometimes ridiculed, but at least they were doing it for themselves. And you know what? Many of them got the notice or attention that they needed to further their careers or bring them closer to their goals.

The truth is, getting known by the public scares a lot of people; I myself used to vehemently shun any publicity outside of my role as a radio presenter. Many of us have the fear of being judged negatively, so we fight to remain as "low-profile" as we can. Yet, as we progress in our work, we realize that in order to become better at what we do, we have to meet more people, talk to more people, get more people to know us and work with us. This is the conundrum.

In my experience, you don't lose anything by promoting yourself. Each of us has value, a skill that is useful to others. No one's going to benefit from you keeping that all to yourself. You might be great at hosting events, maybe you have a flair for writing, maybe you whip up a killer curry pasta; let people know!

I can understand why you might be holding back - when you put yourself out there, people may love you, but they may also hate you. Well, you know, whether you promote yourself or not, there are always going to be people, who for some reason, will not like you or the things you do. But if even you yourself do not like yourself enough to promote yourself, then you're wasting opportunities on a daily basis. Wherever you are right now, you have all you need to find more fulfillment, make more friends, make more money, help more people.

Only you can give yourself the permission to get your name out there; be as big a person as you think you can be.

STORIES - The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Focus On Creation, Not Competition

As you probably know by now, Singapore was ranked poorly in the recent Happiness Index. One often-mentioned reason was our highly-competitive society. Here, we're taught (sometimes implicitly) to be the best, to make our parents proud, to get the best grades, to make more money, to be among the first in the queue, to jostle for seats on the MRT, to get maximum value at the buffet table. It's no coincidence that the Hokkien term for the fear of losing has become a love-hate _expression to describe Singaporeans.

Competition is so pervasive here that it's become as natural as the air we breathe. We don't even think about why we do it, we just do. Certainly it has its roots in the early survival of the human species - this "need to win" ensured we got the food, secured the best territory, produced offspring with the most able-bodied mates, and so on, but in the modern context, could excessive competition be snuffing out our joy?

I'm not saying that competition is bad - it certainly spurs us on to do better for ourselves - but this "need to win" to feel better about ourselves can backfire for some of us. I mean, it's all rosy when we do win, but what happens when we don't? Being transfixed on victory can turn us into very sore losers.

Many of us have allowed this "need to win" to be the determinant of our happiness. So it's not surprising why so many of us are unhappy; we can't win all the time, and when we don't get the best or the most, we become discontented.

The key to regaining control of your happiness is to change your focus - from competition to creation. Competition is centred on other people - other people's possessions, other people's achievements, other people's happiness or good fortune. This causes envy and the desire to obtain the same or better, if only for the reason that "they have it".

This kind of thinking ignores what we truly want for ourselves, for our lives, for our loved ones. We're buying into the collective belief that just because it's desired by most people that it must be good for us.

Creation, on the other hand, is about using your talents to produce things of value to society. Creation does not look at other members of society as benchmarks; it focuses on what we personally can achieve with what we have. Creation is about reaching inside to create abundance. This kind of spiritual abundance, not material abundance, is what brings about lasting joy.

Honouring Each Day

Just how precious are your days?

Well, to answer that question, just look at how you're spending them.

Going by the way some of us live our lives, we don't really think our days are all that important. We rush blindly through them, not truly savouring the experience, fall into bed exhausted, then wake up the following morning only to do it all over again. We make mechanical and dutiful contact with our loved ones, saturate our bodies with caffeine, junk food and alcohol, and generally make chains of meaningless moments.

Meaningful moments, when we do try, are few and far between. We blame it on our hectic work schedules of course, or tenaciously hold on to the notion that there'll always be time for our loved ones. Too many people are caught in the trap of "busyness" - that never-ending need to work, to play, to do everything else except the things that truly make life wonderful and meaningful.

When was the last time you truly honoured the day? I mean really accorded it the respect and significance it deserves? Because the future is an illusion - we all think we have more time, but that simply isn't true at all. Our lives could end at any time. The only time we really have is the present - it's where we are now. If we can't be happy with who we are, what we have and where we are now, then we're just wasting our time. We might as well be sleepwalking through our days.

Too many of us are waking up in cold sweat thinking "Where has all the time gone? What have I been doing with my life? Why am I not spending more time showing my wife how much I care about her? Why am I not showing my loved ones more love? How much time do I really have left?"

We're not waking up thinking about our jobs, our bosses, getting a fancy haircut, buying a new car, a new bag, a new anything; these things just don't fulfill us, really!

What we really need is connection. We need to connect more with other human beings. We need to connect more with nature. We need to connect more with who we are inside and make that who we are outside as well. We need to honour all that the day gives us - the sun, the wind, the hot breakfast, the taxi ride, the smiles, the friendly invitations, our partner's touch, a joke, a laugh, a kiss.

Honouring the day means choosing to make each moment count.

Staying True to Yourself

For some of us, being true and staying true to oneself can be a struggle. Maybe we were brought up to deny our authentic selves in favour of some popular ideal. Perhaps we were taught to respect other people's wishes more than our own. Maybe we're surrounded by friends and family who seem to have an opinion on everything we do, and it's driving us crazy.

Growing into our true selves can take a lot of time and practice, especially if we've been suppressing it for most of our youth. Not to mention courage, since for some of us, our authentic selves may not be the accepted norm in our society. So how can you honour your own voice amidst the din of bigots and naysayers?

Well, first and most critically, value your self and your choices. This mind and body is yours and yours only. People may say or do things "for your own good", but ultimately, you're the one who's going to suffer the consequences or enjoy the happiness. Not them. So respect your own wishes. Don't waste time pondering right or wrong. There's only what feels right to you "at the time". When you honour your own choices, others will too.

Next, understand that opinions are more about the person giving them than they are about you. The remarks are being filtered through that particular individual's history, experience, conditioning, childhood, education, whatever. It's definitely biased, no matter how they try to appear impartial. Also, when people discourage or disapprove, they're probably coming from a place of insecurity, fear, doubt or envy. Something about you scares them, so they feel a need to strike it down. So remember, when someone gives you destructive criticism, ignore them. It's about them, not you.

People can also go too far sometimes, so remember to set boundaries for the particularly obnoxious ones. Decide which aspects of your life are off-limits and get them to respect those boundaries.

Remember, no one can stand up for yourself except yourself. Loved ones can defend you occasionally but they can't be around all the time. Be sure that when you need help the most, you are there for yourself. Trust yourself and stand up for what you believe in.

Other people can teach you many life lessons, and certainly you should listen if they have something valuable to say, but learn to tune out the naysayers who themselves are fearful for their own selfish reasons.

Who's To Blame for Our Unhappiness?

Most people look outside of themselves for the source of their unhappiness. When something goes wrong, they always look for someone or something to blame - "it's my hectic work schedule, it's my boss, it's the government, it's my parents, it's the kids, it's my spouse. If only she'd do things my way! I know this is best for her? why won't she just change?

We'd be so much happier if she'd just change!" It's precisely this kind of thinking that is making us unhappy. We are, in effect, the cause of own misery!

Now it's very easy to trace our unhappiness to important people in our lives not cooperating with us. I mean, if your son insists on doing something you feel is foolhardy or dangerous, it certainly seems that he's to blame for your sleepless nights. Or if your husband never seems to want to spend romantic times with you anymore. Can he really blame you then for being cold and surly? What if your co-worker is fond of disparaging your work? Surely he's the one to blame for your frustration at the office! Or that Pyongyang refuses to dismantle its nuclear arms programme. Oh, the woe of America and indeed the world!

Yes it seems perfectly logical that we're unhappy because of all these wilful people. But we have a much bigger part to play in our frustrations than we'd care to believe. Nobody likes to be told what to do. When you're trying to get others to do or see things your way, the behaviours you display are probably not very good-natured. You could be using any of these methods - punishing, guilting, nagging, threatening, bribing, criticizing, "the silent treatment" or "cold war", etc. You probably come off as a bigot, always thinking that your way is the right way or best way. Your intentions may be perfectly good of course (don't we all think that?), but your methods may be turning people off. This in turn could be encouraging them to be even more obstinate. That's also how, ironically, you may be causing your own unhappiness.

Too many political stalemates are the result of refusal to understand and accept the other party's situation or differences. What about threats, sabre-rattling or reprisal attacks? Don't they always make matters worse?

Realistically, the only person you can change is yourself. Look within yourself for your shortcomings and work to fix them. If you're hoping that others might also change for the better, you can only lead by example or open the channels of communication and genuinely seek to understand. reasons.

Healing Through Acceptance

When misfortune occurs, many people try to deny or resist it. They go through the exhausting and pointless cycle of thoughts that goes something like "No, no, this can't be happening!" or "Why is this happening to me?", usually meaning "Why is this happening to poor ol' harmless me?".

As a result, they go through long periods of emotional suffering that can be damaging to their psychological or physical health. They waste a lot of energy and time rejecting what's happening to them instead of healing themselves by accepting their situation.

Now by accepting the situation, I don't mean going through life thinking everything that happens to you is ok. What I mean is, although it's completely natural to react with disbelief and resistance when something seemingly bad happens, you can only being to mend when you accept your plight and move on.

Some things happen to us that are completely out of our hands. You might call these "acts of God" if you're the religious type, or genuine accidents that you have no control over, like natural disasters or a reckless driver in your lane.

But we have to accept responsibility for most of the things that happen to us in life. Being in a developed country in the 21st century means that most of us have all our basic needs covered - food, shelter, education, healthcare, sanitation, and so on. Which leaves us with things like our emotional needs, our value systems, our desires and ambitions, and our behaviour.

These stem from our attitudes towards and perceptions of ourselves, others, our surroundings, and the wider world. And we have the power to tweak these attitudes and perceptions to influence our mental well-being and potential for love, joy and success.

So when something seemingly "bad" happens to us, the fastest and most direct route to recovery is acknowledging and accepting it - "Yes, it happened. And yes, I may have had a role to play in creating it. What can I learn from this? How can I improve things? How can I improve myself? How can I move on?"

WRITTEN BY EUGENE LOH

Traps (Part 1)

Life is full of traps. These are the beliefs, behaviours, habits and emotions that prevent us from becoming as happy, successful, and as loving as we can be. Some of them befriended us in childhood, then slowly poisoned our impressionable minds. Some of them we learnt from people we looked up to or kept company with. Some of them we gleaned from convention and alignment with the so-called norms of our society. And some of them we learnt from films, magazines, books and other media.

But all of them share one common property - they all work their way into our hearts and minds surreptitiously but steadily, gaining such a grip over time that they can become inextricable.

In the next few programmes, we'll look at 20 of these life traps and how they can steal your serenity and joy. Chances are you'll recognize many of them in your life. Therein lies your first victory against these foes - identifying them for what they are. From there, you can take steps to remove them from your life.

Trap No. 1 is Tomorrow.

Many of us either live in anticipation of it, or live in dread of it. But what is tomorrow, really? Tomorrow is an illusion. From where we are right now, we cannot touch it, feel it, see it or taste it. It may never come. Yet many of us are so blinded by it that we fail to appreciate what we have right now, in the present. Leave tomorrow where it's supposed to be. It'll happen when it happens. Live for today.

Trap No. 2 is Yesterday.

Ensnared people feel guilty, shameful, sad or upset about something that has already gone. Yesterday is past. It will never come back. Whatever you did or said, whoever you loved or loathed, what pleasure or pain you experienced doesn't matter anymore. You cannot go back and fix or repeat anything. You don't have to forget those great memories, but don't dwell on them. Don't live for them. They're not an accurate guide for what's going to happen in the future. Learn to let Yesterday go. You can only make your present moment wonderful.

Join me in the next programme as we continue to seek out those traps in your life that are holding you back from greater joy and serenity.

28/08/06

2006-08-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

Work stress for me? I shouldn't say that. After I heard what happened to my friend, or perhaps that pikachu, haa I'm really quite blessed in work. I really feel sad for pika, zapping even after working hours. Not enough electricity haaa.

Haa, anytime you need to complain, just call bah. No matter what time, I'll trrrrrry my best to listen heee. (You call at 4am, I'll just blur blur haa). But this pika does know how to give me a perk when i was sleepy haaa with the voice. So long nv hear your so high pitch voice haaa. Still the same, cheerful and optimistic haa.

I hope your bad time will pass soon. Treat it as a test of your endurance bah. jia you and don't give up ah.

As for me, I'm still trying to get my audit skills up which is still so lousy now. Sianz haa, but i vouch good hee. Fast flipping with client's documents
muahahha
I am the vouching king!
I am the lead schedule king!
I am the photocopy king!
I am the check amendments king!
I am the filing king!
Everything everything except audit!!

Tada.... stay tune for next update

22/8/06

2006-08-21T21:34:00.000+08:00

I made a very very nice nice nice senior from the IT department. I think i can call him my new made friend. My horror this morning was to find that I can't start my computer cuz it suffered the blue screen syndrome. The hard disk died. I brought down my laptop and stood at the counter there. One 30-40yr old guy walked up to me and helped me. He is very very very nice kind. He is not those super english kind. He talk to people using his normal way, in chinese. I could feel the sincerity in his voice when he helps people. Perhaps i could say he is a big those hokkien kind. I don't sense the corporate mask in him. Comfortable friend.

He solved my computer problem by changing a new harddisks. Even though my mp3 files are illegal, he copied into the new harddisks and fixed all my problems. I really like to thank him and promised him coffee. So happy!!

Although i'm in office doing alot of admin stuffs, i really like to do admin. Answer calls, take msg, do stupid things haaa. I was sitting in for a administrator and the other administrator chat with me during the day as well. Again, no corporate mask from her. She is really a simple, and truthful lady. Some people might look down on her cuz she is just an administrator who joined the firm for 3 months but, i treat her like a real friend as well. No corporate behavior stress.

On another note, I do still feel down inside while feeling so high during the day. Seeing that idiot guy's name in maple just make me wanna smash him up. Too bad... no player killing in that game. Haaaa, Or maybe i should deal with taht guy. I should deal with the girl who gave me hell. I'm starting to be the guru of getting ditched until a point where i have this thought in my mind: " just ditch me lah, i know it will happen sooner or later, i'm used to it." lol. What a good way to look at the bright side of life.

Girls nowadays ah.... donno how to be truthful and faithful. But on the other hand, they might say:"isn't it right to pursue what is really good for them? To find the true love?" Well, its so hard to decide which point should have priority over the other, I'll just leave those thoughts aside. No point debating inside.

As Wang Li Hon song goes .... I renamed it .

stay tuned for another.... crap from me. Oh ya, only 2 friends reading... I think. Or maybe none. haa I don't mind whatever. I'm just so..... anything now. haa

17/08/06

2006-08-17T19:04:00.000+08:00

Today is the eve of the 3 years agreement. After tomorrow, the agreement will lapse. But I think I got over and decide on my next course just 2.5 years after that faithful day. But, heaven really want to play tricks on me. I thought I saw her on the bus. I was sitted at the 2nd last row and she just walk in the center to the last row in the crowded bus. At first, I looked her from a far, I thought I was certain it was her. I was ready to say hello when me and her eyes met but to realise, I was mistaken.

The similarity was close to 90%. Hair, eyes, face shape, everything. But I think my gut instinct managed to stop me from saying hi. I am glad i made that restriction.

The tricks played on me were somehow and might be too much for me to handle. Other than the work, its now the other thing. Maybe its another downturn of the cycle again. Will try to pick up soon.

On another note, I think I'm really disappointing my interviewer. Although I don't get to see her often or perhaps at all, I still feel that I didn't live up to my words during the interview. "I really want to learn things, I want to learn, give me the chance to learn". Now I'm really so down and low morale about so many tough things to grasp in Audit.... I really donno if I can survive. Can a slacker/faker/lousy performer hide in the group of the team? Will I stand myself and be the team's obstacle to audit? I can't stand it. One day if I can't keep up with my abilities, I'll release myself from being a burden and just do something that really suits my slacking attitude.

Either I change my attitude, or I escape.... For now, I'll just see how far I can hide from being blamed. I really don't like this feeling. Being a burden for a team. I don't wan.... I don't.... I dread....

13/8/06

2006-08-13T21:16:00.000+08:00

Today is my first concert with Mus Art Wind Orchestra. It was a fantastic experience. A rather big difference from Westwinds. I could really feel how the music moves, and it moves my heart. Playing with them was also stressful because i only had 2 rehearsals with them before performing. Its one of the very few chances that i am demanded to deliver the best. As a guest playing, I am not suppose to make stupid mistakes and i didn't make any big ones, except for one whole bar of mispitches, and 1 note in a wrong key eeks.... disgraced.

Well, at least the concert covered another weekend. Lets see how next weeekend is covered.

11/08/06

2006-08-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

Once in a while, I really feel like typing. Currently, 2 ppl knows my blog add. I don't know why do I give. Do I still wan ppl to know how I'm doing, to know how i'm feeling, to know how i'm suffering.

I've been in contact with pop music too much. Listening to those lyrics and melody really makes me feel more and more painful inside. With recent encounters, with recent turbulence, days seems even harder to pass.

I remembered I had a hard time sleeping one night, don't know if its because of the 2 teh tariks or because of..... I woke up at 3am to play maple to kill time. You know, after I've started work, I suddenly feel that I have lost my confidence and dignity once again. Being the lowest lifeform in the company really makes me feel like i'm a junk, so live like one. What I miss is those days where people look at me as someone dependable, respectable, and fun to be with. The only place where i can feel that is.... in Maplestory now. That explains why I like to be inside.

In maple, I'm a high level Hermit now, wacking monsters like no body's business. I am also in a guild where people respect me, ask me things and even trust their char accounts with me too. I like people who believe in me, trust me and really respect me. Even though I have not met those ppl before, they really treat me very well. Some are paying me to train their characters as well. Where can I find such happiness outside? Where?

After so long of being dorment in my blog, I suddenly wan to vomit out everything. I'm starting to rethink about the aim in my life again. I have lost direction. I don't seem to be able to excel in work. I don't have a love life to depend on as well. My family is sometimes up and down (i'm tired of unstableness). The only way that i feel motivated again is by watching Naruto.

Naruto teaches me alot of things. Being determined, chiong for everything. Don't easily say give up. Fight for what you believe, and believe in what you do. Being direct and truthful. The spirit of Ninja. I admire the friends Naruto has, all truthful and fun. Even when Sasuke betrayed Naruto, Naruto did not give up. He went all out to get his buddy back. I like this brotherhood feeling. It makes me tear when I see some of the scenes inside. Who says anime can't teach you anything?

I'm really so sad about the recent encounters. Who understands? I've been so dejected, rejected, and ejected into space. Some ppl says that its just that you haven't meet your one in life. But I say its useless to hope for one or even try to meet one. No use. Somehow, I've come to know how my friend felt back then. Its really a pain. I thought i've left my heart behind. Somehow, and I hate it, it came back again. I'm now trying to get rid of it again. Do my work, play my music, Sing my heart.

I want to sing. I've been singing with the radio, and I felt more than in the past. I could express more than usual, the pronounciation, the melody flow, phrasing, and tone. Not that i'm boosting but... I really love to sing when i'm feeling sad. It will be one day soon when I can sing and tear.

I know I'm showing alot of soft side of me. The two friends who have my blog add will be able to see this. but I think they won't anyhow spread things. I don't need anyone to spread or console me. Further consoling will only add on to my pain when I'm trying to forget everything.

Live on, and thrive in the sad world with no purpose. I'll try to find mine... soon. Hope.

4/8/06

2006-08-04T15:04:00.000+08:00

Chasing Your Blues Away

We all get the blues from time to time. But for some people, a prolonged and acute case of the blues can harden into depression. And depression can sometimes rob you of your desire for life. But you're not going to wait around for that to happen, are you?

If you've been feeling low lately, here are some simple ways you can chase the blues away before they take a hold on you.

The simplest way to get that sunshine back into your overcast world is, literally, to get some sun! Go outside! If you're feeling miserable, it's very likely that you've been keeping yourself cooped up in your house. You're under the illusion that something is sapping your energy and that resting at home is probably the best thing. Well, most of the time, it isn't!

So get out there! Spend some time in the sun out in the open. Lack of sunshine triggers the release of melatonin, a hormone that produces a feeling of lethargy and tiredness. This is what helps you sleep, but when you're feeling sad, it can make you even more miserable. And while you're out there soaking in the warmth, get some adrenalin going - brisk walking, jogging or hiking can help clear your mind and get your situation into perspective.

Next, get involved. We're often miserable because we're only thinking about ourselves, dwelling on our own problems, refusing to make things better, like a petulant child who has broken something. But if you look past your problems, and get involved in something else, you'll be able to see your solutions more clearly. Break out of your depression cycle, and try something new, make new friends, adopt new goals. Shift yourself to something altogether more pleasant and soothing.

And watch what you eat! The things you consume have a direct impact on your mood. Alcohol and caffeine for example can give you that initial high or burst of energy, but the comedown often takes you to lower and more despondent places. Find out more about healthy feelgood foods and take them more often!

And improve your appearance!This may sound superficial, but I'm not talking about aspiring to be someone else; your body can become the best body it can be. You can become a better version of yourself. It simply takes exercise and more care when it comes to your grooming and attire. And when you look great, you're ready to go out and make new friends, talk to more people, joke more, laugh more, and gain new insights.

STORIES - The Woodcutter

Once upon a time, there was a very strong woodcutter. He asked for a job from a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.

The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees. The Boss was very much impressed and said, "Congratulations, go on that way!"

Very motivated by the words of the boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring down 15 trees.

The third day he tried even harder, but he only could bring down 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing down less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought to himself. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your! axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees.

The moral of the story:

Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe. In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp? There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work. But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like our personal life, taking time to care for others, taking time to read etc.

We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow. If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness. So start from today, think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add more value to it.

Confronting a Major Illness
Written by Eugene Loh

We cannot avoid illness. Even the healthiest and strongest among us cannot keep themselves from catching a cold once in a while. And while many illnesses can be easily cured, there are some major ones which may be much more of a struggle.

If you have recently been diagnosed with a major illness, the first thing to remember is that this is not the end of the road - many people with major illnesses live productive lives. Some live even more meaningful and enriching lives than healthy people because they realize the value of their time left. They make every minute count, because the next one could be their last.

But this is not just true of the very ill - I mean, if you think about it, we're all dying. Every breath we take, we have less and less time to make our lives count. All of us really should be giving more thought to our numbered days and what we can do to make them the best we can.

Most healthy people though do not understand just how precious their remaining time is. Some even fritter their days away on idle pursuits or hollow goals, thinking that they have all the time to question the "meaning of life" or the "futility of life" instead of simply living it. In many instances, it is indeed true that the dying are the most truly alive.

Also, shift your emphasis onto people - your loved ones, your doctors, your care-givers. You do not have to go through this alone. Communicate with them and let them help you achieve your goals. Make developing relationships your number one priority. Through you, your friends and loved ones will also come to realize how valuable time is.

Remember not to rush. Many people with major illnesses make the mistake of thinking that their time is so limited that they have to take on everything at once. This not only dilutes any potential rewarding experience, it increases anxiety and can lead to further stress on your health. Haste is the plague of the modern world. Go at your own pace and try to fully savour every experience.

The future is unknowable; the only certainty is that we all die. It may be a virus, it may be a natural disaster, it may be a bomb, it may be a car. That is not for us to say. All we can do is make the most of what we have now. And that's the best thing anyone can do, regardless of illness or good health.

Stress Relief at Work

Everyone acknowledges the existence and inevitability of stress at the workplace, but how many of us really understand the extent of damage it's wreaking?

Even as we speak, millions around the world are on the verge of a breakdown due to work-related stress. And it's not just the workers themselves who take a beating. Some estimates put the loss of GDP due to stress in some developed nations at about 10%! Employees falling sick, employees fearful of going to work, employees not putting in their best effort, all these cripple productivity.

Managers have the duty to monitor stress levels in the workforce, identify the factors that cause stress, and take firm measures to reduce it. The top factors that increase stress at work include: poor working conditions (e.g. long hours, travel, noises, smells, work overload and work underload), a lack of a clear role in the company (e.g. ill-defined expectations, conflicting priorities and responsibility for others), and poor relationships at work (e.g. low levels of trust and lack of support).

In order to reduce and prevent stress at work:

1. Employees should have genuine control over their work and be allowed an appropriate degree of self-management of workload.

2. Roles, responsibilities and expectations should be fully defined.

3. Employees should have a role in planning and decision making.

4. The physical workplace environment should be of a high standard, including natural light where possible, good ventilation, and good health and safety practices.

5. Employees should be actively discouraged from working excessively long hours.

Although there are many ways of relieving stress outside the office, only a few techniques are suitable for use in the workplace. One method that can be used in a work environment is aromatherapy. Many essential oils are recognised for their stress-relieving effects, and can help aid concentration and focus, and improve productivity and mood. Candles will most certainly be frowned upon by your Fire Safety Officer, but there are plenty of electric oil diffusers available that don't require any burning.

Try oils like lavender, rosemary and orange, all of them known to reduce anxiety, depression and fatigue, and aid clarity, balance, relaxation and rejuvenation.

How else can you enhance your workplace to increase worker well-being and productivity?

Getting Rid of False Ideas

Is low self-esteem ruining your life?

How we regard ourselves is crucial to our happiness and success. If you have a poor self-image, and regularly say negative things to yourself, your sub-conscious mind will start to believe in them. This can lead to a distorted view of reality, and very often, you can invite problems simply by believing in them.

Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? When we form negative perceptions of ourselves (or others, for that matter), we communicate these perceptions to ourselves through various cues or signals. These can be words, or actions, like sighing, walking with a hunch, or a weak handshake. You will sub-consciously respond to these cues by adjusting your behaviour to match them and the result is that the original perception translates into reality. Other people will also adjust their behaviour or attitude towards you according to the cues you send them. For example, if you're always sighing, you may convey the impression that you're pessimistic, passive, and that you have many problems. Consequently, people may avoid you or you may be passed over for a promotion because you appear incompetent.

Check your talk! Do you often say things like "I can't", "I'm not that good", "I'm scared", and so on? Do you frequently put yourself down in front of others? If you have a low opinion of yourself, you'll attract friends and lovers who echo your ideas, take advantage of you, belittle you and hurt you.

Remember, the subconscious mind will act on an inaccurate concept as if it were true. If you've accepted an idea that you can't lose weight, stop smoking, make money, succeed, can't paint or anything else, then your subconscious will make sure that the belief gets justified. It'll attract situations that will verify your beliefs.

The good news is that these false concepts can be changed. It takes persistence and consistency, but by using affirmations, you can change the incorrect facts. The first step is to recognize what erroneous ideas you're acting on in the present. Where are they holding you back? Without identifying the problem, you can't move to the solution.

Examine the thoughts that come into your mind when you're about to succeed at whatever goal you have. If they're negative thoughts about you or your goal, those are the incorrect assumptions you've been acting on. Then create a positive statement that counters the negative one. This is your affirmation that you use whenever you think of your goal.

Intelligent Optimism

In today's context, optimism can seem like an impossible goal or a clich?r for some, even a joke. Every day we are bombarded by news of yet another major accident or natural disaster or virus or bomb attack, years of campaigning and research have not eliminated starvation, and even in developed countries, the rising cost of living is causing many to feel like they're living in a pressure cooker.

Life certainly isn't easy for most of us, and because of this, maintaining an optimistic outlook can be tough as well. You may well look at an optimistic person and think "well, he must be living in a bubble!"

But optimism doesn't have to be a lofty ideal with its head lost in the clouds. It can acknowledge the harshness of the real world while helping you to be joyful in spite of this reality. This is what some people call "intelligent optimism". This is positivity that doesn't simply say "Today will be a perfect day!" but rather "Today will not be perfect but that's ok, I can still make it the best I can!"

Here are the fundamentals when it comes to developing an attitude of intelligent optimism:

First, focus on what you can control. Don't get caught up with things you can't do anything about. For example, you can often change yourself or your habits but you can't force your spouse to fit into your ideal. You can only lead by example.

Next, stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Life may be a play, but it's still too early to proclaim it a tragedy. In fact, changing your perspective will make you realize that life, as with people, cannot be pigeon-holed at all. It's how you look at it and what you do about it. No one's out to "get you". Most people are too busy dealing with their own problems. Your key task is to do what is best for yourself with the resources you have.

Then, focus on and appreciate more deeply what you already have. Think "I have more than enough" instead of "I need more!". Most of us have vast untapped resources within us that we haven't even begun to make use of. You're listening to this now because you do have the time, you do understand what I'm trying to say, and you know you can do better.

And practise a simple habit of giving positive responses. When people ask you how you are, just saying "Good!" will immediately get your spirits up and gear your brain for upcoming achievements and successes.

26/7/06

2006-07-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

How Being Good Can Be Bad for You

If you're like most people, your parents brought you up to be a "good" person - "be polite", "don't talk back", "stop pouting", "always share", "tell the truth", "stop complaining", "smile", "don't cry", "stop asking questions", "don't be selfish", and so on. This so-called "good" child is the pride of Mommy and Daddy and grows up, in the early years, to be everyone's darling.

But when this "good" child grows into an adult, these are the kinds of behaviour they display - they force themselves to smile even when they're upset, they accept tasks and situations they don't like just to accommodate others, they hardly ever assert their own needs, pepper their words with "should" and "ought to", cannot accept compliments and never believe that they're really good at something, and occasionally become perplexingly upset then try to put you on guilt trips or punish you in some way.

I could go on, but you get the idea. You see how these "good" boys and girls can be frustrating as men and women? Their parents meant well, as most parents do, but these parents have taught their children to suppress their real emotions and needs in order to fit in with the world. These people are often emotionally-draining because they come across as two-faced, and they rarely give useful feedback. As a result, they're often not successful in their relationships with others.

Adults who were raised as "good" children are also less able to cope with change and the unpredictable turns in life. They are most comfortable within rigid structures and routines and are terrified of any deviance from the path. They cannot distinguish between destructive and constructive criticism. Any negative comment made about them is seen as harsh. They love playing the victim because doing so gives them an excuse for continuing their behaviour. They require a lot of attention and love but cannot truly accept them. They pride themselves on their steadfast adherence to rules and establishment. "Good" people are made to become cogs in the wheels of industry. They make great workers but hardly succeed at being a leader, friend, or partner. They smile and agree with the people they actually oppose and regard them with suspicion and envy. They criticize these so-called "deviants" but secretly wish they could be like them, to have their freedom. But the iron cages of childhood conditioning are often too strong.

I'm not saying that you raise brats, but examine more closely how you're bringing up your child. Are you raising him to be a successful and happy adult? Or an eternal child trapped in a grown-up's body?

Marriage-Killing Myths

Many couples enter a marriage with critical misconceptions of what it takes to make it work. They go in thinking that love will take care of everything, that just because they're now legally united that both parties are automatically obligated to meet each others' whims and expectations. That your partner will gradually change to suit your ideals, that time and familiarity will smooth over the rough edges and magically transform him or her into the giving, loving, reliable, mature spouse and parent.

These misconceptions are not only inaccurate, they're the main reasons why marriages fail. Today, let's talk about these false beliefs and how they can destroy your marriage.

Many married couples take it for granted that their spouse should automatically know what they need and want. That because they "love" them, that they can somehow read their minds. They often don't express their authentic thoughts and desires, preferring instead to drop hints or pretend to be ok with the way things are. When their needs continue to be unfulfilled over time, the pent-up hurt and disappointment can result in a nasty display. The spouse meanwhile is completely baffled.

To many couples, marriage also appears to be the panacea for any defects in the relationship. Marriage is so often portrayed or spoken of as the ultimate dream, a sacrosanct union, and so on that it has taken on an almost magical sheen. People actually do believe that marriage can and will solve all problems, that once that destination has been reached, that they can heave a sigh of relief and let go. They believe that marriage will change whatever flaws they see in their partner - that she will finally begin to wash and cook and well, turn into a Stepford Wife, that he will stop going out with his beer buddies, that she will want three children, that he will become more mature, stop clowning around and make more money. Again, a complete myth. Marriage is the next step in the journey. It's not a solution, nor a dream, nor a magic spell. Don't marry your partner because you think it will turn him or her into your ideal partner.

It's also commonly believed that you should always put your spouse's needs first. Again, a dangerous conviction. Marriage is not about being an emotional slave. It's not about guilt that you feel if you fail to meet your spouse's expectations. Always putting other people's needs before your own demonstrates a lack of respect and love for yourself, and it won't be long before your own repressed needs begin to sour the relationship.

So check your reasons for marriage. How many of them are really myths?

STORIES - Fitting In

Zumbach the Tailor was renowned for his fashionable suits. A man went to him to be fitted for a new suit.

After Zumbach altered the suit, the man stood in front of the mirror to check the fit. At first glance he noticed that the suit jacket's right arm sleeve was rather short, and too much of his wrist was showing.

"Say, Zumbach," the fellow noted, "this sleeve looks a little short. Would you please lengthen it?"

"The sleeve is not too short," replied the tailor. "Your arm is too long... Just pull your arm back a few inches and you will see that the sleeve fits perfectly." The man withdrew his arm a bit, and the sleeve was matched with his wrist. But this movement rumpled the upper portion of the jacket.

"Now the nape of the collar is several inches above my neck," he protested."

"There's nothing wrong with the collar," Zumbach insisted. "Your neck is too low. Lift the back of your neck and the jacket will fit well." The customer raised his neck a few inches, and sure enough the collar rounded it where it was supposed to. But now there was another problem: the bottom of the jacket rested high above his seat.

"Now my whole rear end is sticking out!" the man complained.

"No problem," Zumbach returned. "Just lift up your rear end so it fits under the jacket." Again the customer complied, which left his body in a very contorted posture. But Zumbach had convinced him that the problem was not with the suit, but him. So he paid the tailor for the suit and walked out of the shop in a most awkward position, struggling to keep all parts of the suit in their right places.

On the street he encountered two women walking in the opposite direction. After they passed, one woman turned to the other and commented, "That poor man is really crippled!"

"He sure is," the other replied. "But that suit looks fabulous on him."

Many of us repress our authentic selves when trying to fit into society. Although we might enjoy a semblance of acceptance, ultimately, we're being untrue and disrespectful to ourselves. So is your tailor altering the suit to fit your body or are you contorting your body to fit the tailor's suit?

Letting Go of the Need to Be Right

All of us love being right. We all want to appear clever and witty. In trying to be right though, we often make the false assumption that we have to make the other person wrong. This need to be right all the time can also compel us to be bossy and unpleasant and narrow-minded.

But nobody likes a Know-It-All. Besides, this need to be right all the time can become an addiction - it can make us focus on the wrong things, fuss about the details without seeing the bigger picture. It can also be a huge strain on our ego when we feel we have lost an argument or challenge. Some people spend all their time just clamouring to win in every discussion.

This need to be right stems from insecurity, a lack of self-esteem and empowerment. After all, isn't the need to be right simply the fear of being wrong? And with this fear running your life, how can you be comfortable with yourself? Or be at ease with other people? Fear almost always causes us to be suspicious and bigoted. And of course, if you're always trying to be right, you're not learning from others, and are consistently repeating your mistakes.

Life is about being yourself, accepting your flaws, learning from your mistakes, and improving on your strengths. Give yourself the freedom to be wrong! In fact, it's good to be wrong sometimes because that means you've learnt something new. You're always becoming a better person. Of course, I'm using the term "wrong" loosely here; after all, it's always just a point of view.

So if you always feel that nagging voice in your head going "Go on! Assert your authority! You have to be right! Otherwise you'll lose face!", try letting go. Give yourself permission to be wrong sometimes; express yourself more honestly and openly. You'll find that very often, people do want compromise, and there is a way to contribute to the discussion without having all your opinions validated.

Let go of the need to be right, and just listen. Really open up and analyse what's being said or unsaid. People can teach you a lot and tell you about themselves and life if you only allow them to. We're all looking for happiness and knowledge; allow yourself to learn. Ask more questions. Allow people to share their wisdom and know-how.

You'll heave a big sigh of relief that you can finally loosen that noose, I mean, tie, and allow yourself to be just human.

Love in a Time of Dual Career Families

We live in an age of dual career families - as living standards rise, it's inevitable that more and more couples find it necessary for both parties to bring in the bacon. And as women become more empowered, it's natural that they too would want to earn their keep and develop satisfying careers.

But because each person has to dedicate a huge chunk of their lives to their careers, the risk of endangering the relationship is quite high. Failure to properly manage your professional and romantic roles can send cracks through the foundation of your relationship. Many couples call it a day because at the end of the very long and onerous day, they find love just a tad too exhausting to keep alive.

So if you're both career-oriented people, how can you continue to make the relationship fulfilling?

Too often, working couples boil it down to mere lack of time - "I've no time to be romantic", "I've no time to indulge her", "I've no time to take a vacation". Though poor time management is one of the culprits, there are several other factors at play when a relationship begins to fray.

Many professionals are so involved with their work that it consumes their thoughts and actions. They're usually very passionate about their work and are very successful in their field. They feel respected and empowered at work and when they come home, they expect the relationship to do the same for them. Unfortunately, a happy marriage doesn't happen by default.

You may be the boss at the office and might not have to compromise much in your professional capacity, but the dynamics are radically different when you switch back to being a spouse and a lover. If you're used to getting your way at work, you may find it difficult to negotiate at home.

The key to making a dual career relationship work is mutual respect. Honour the work that your spouse does. He or she probably experiences a lot of stress at the office and the home should be a sanctuary. Respect your partner's professional aspirations and don't always expect you to come first in every situation.

In the next programme, we'll talk about some practical ways to balance your work and family lives.

Love in a Time of Dual Career Families (2)

In the last programme, we talked about the reality of dual career families in developed countries like Singapore. Because of rising living standards, education and self-empowerment, both parties in many marriages are career-oriented - they love their jobs, they thrive on the challenges, authority, respect and sense of achievement they get from their work. But when they come home and realize the complexities of maintaining a healthy marriage, they can often become disillusioned with their spouses and devote more and more of their time and energy to their careers. Needless to say, the relationship becomes diluted and unrewarding over time.

One of the biggest problems dual career relationships face is lack of time. You hear statements like this all the time - "But I just can't afford the time to say little-sweet-nothings!", or "I work 12 hours a day! I'm too tired for anything else when I get home!". Many couples do realize that their relationship is suffering from a lack of quality time, but they often do nothing about it. They behave almost as if their hands are tied and they're simply doomed. If you know you're not investing enough time in your spouse, do something about it! A happy lovelife will also give your career a boost!

Coordinate your schedule with your spouse's timetable. At least once a week, plan an activity you can both enjoy - it could be a night out, an afternoon by the beach or even a game of Scrabble. Interaction within a fun and relaxed space is crucial to keeping your relationship loving and rewarding - it reminds both of you that your marriage is more than just household or parental responsibilities.

Just as important is allocating some timeout for yourself by yourself. Don't cram out your inner soul with work and duties and other people. Find some time every week or every day if possible to just let your spirit settle. Your pool reflects much more clearly when it's calm. This is when you will organize your thoughts and tasks and receive answers to the problems you might be facing.

And never stop communicating with your spouse - and I don't mean yet another reminder about fixing the car or applying for that loan - I mean a sharing of real emotions, dreams and hopes, even something as simple as a compliment.

And remember, your spouse's career is an important part of him or her. So if it makes him or her happy, give your support. Your spouse will appreciate you for respecting his or her professional role.

Curing the Fear of Change

A major block to lasting happiness and success in life is the fear of change. This fear keeps us within the confines of our safety nets, and turns us into jittery, miserable wrecks whenever we are faced with the possibility of change.

But change is unavoidable. By sticking to our routines and comfort zones, we may be able to resist it for a time, but how tightly can we seal our personal spaces? We may think that we're at peace in our safe havens but our days are really clouded by doubt and worry; we're eternally anxious that change will eventually come.

No, this "peace" that we enjoy in our comfort zones is an illusion. To attain true peace and happiness, we must reduce or even eliminate our fear of change. The crucial thing to understand here is that life is a series of events, some pleasurable, some painful. No one is constantly on an ascending trend. Living life is like riding the waves - we need to ride the crests with optimism and purpose and face the crashes with the will to let them make us better persons.

Most people are afraid of change because they think that it's going to affect them negatively. But change is not always for the worse; change can occur to improve things. Besides, you know what happens when things remain still for too long - monotony sets in, the machinery gathers dust and damp and eventually stops, the muscles become weak, the fish die, and everything eventually becomes a wasteland. This can happen too with your mind and body. Happiness is not static; it has to move around. When you try to trap it in a jar, it loses its breath and life.

Happy people know this truth. They don't attempt to preserve or keep their joys. Their joys are like ever-changing, ever vivacious guests, constantly passing through the halls of their homes. This is how happiness renews itself - it seeks new experiences, new people; painful experiences only serve to sharpen its senses for the next joyful experience.

If you tend to worry about change, ask yourself these questions - what are the positive impacts that can result from the change? How would someone else handle it? And what's the worst case scenario? Is it really that bad? We tend to be overly-dramatic when it comes to change affecting us, but when it happens to others, it's usually more reasonable. More often than not, we're terrorized by the fear itself, not the change per se. Ask yourself these questions, and you'll feel your anxiety fade away.

17/7/06

2006-07-17T13:02:00.000+08:00

Building Self-Esteem (Jul 2006)
Psychologist Nathaniel Brandon once remarked that "there is no value-judgment more important to man, no factor more decisive in his psychological development and motivation than the estimate he passes on himself."

How true! Self-sabotage is probably the number one barrier to greater success and joy. Many people grow up with a less-than-ideal sense of self-worth, due mainly to the feedback they received as children. As a result, they're often their own worst enemies, mentally limiting their opportunities to attract more happiness, success and love.

Self-esteem goes beyond simply just feeling good about the way you look or the talents you possess. This kind of self-esteem is temporary and may change from day to day depending on which way the wind is blowing your sails. There is a deeper self-esteem which is the most accurate description of how you feel, regardless of what obstacles are thrown in your path.

Here are some ways to develop this deeper self-esteem:

First of all, clear out all the rubbish from your mind - this is anything hurtful and unconstructive that you've been told, either just a few moments ago or even when you were in primary school. Useful advice should be heeded but don't waste your time being upset with people who are just mean. When you were a kid, the hurt might've had you struggling haplessly in its talons but now that you're an adult, assert your right to pay no attention to unreasonable, nasty, toxic people.

People say "don't count your chickens before they're hatched". I say, why not? Doing this can mean that you're optimistic and looking forward to a bright future. It can also mean that you're grateful for what you have now, for without the eggs, there would be no hope for chickens! So by all means, count your blessings! The people you have in your life, the good fortune and health that you enjoy, the good things that are in the pipeline.

Identify your strengths and keep reminding yourself how they are truly a gift to you and the people around you. And surround yourself with positive people, for example, professional organizations that have something in common with your interests.

Remember, your opinion of yourself is the chief factor for success and joy in most aspects of life including your relationships. Don't sell yourself short!

Love and Personal Power

When you're in a romantic relationship, do you give away too much of yourself?

This may seem like a strange question; after all, isn't love supposed to be that way? The giving of oneself to one's partner?

Well, the problem with always placing someone else's needs and ideas above your own is that it's not sustainable.

When you fell in love with your partner, you did so because you found some aspects of him or her attractive. This attractiveness forms the core of your partner's personal power. It is what makes them likeable to others as well. You too have your own personal power. But when we love someone, it's natural for us to want to give him or her some of this power. We might consistently give in, for example, always admit fault in arguments, constantly accommodate their wishes, in turn curtailing our own needs and feelings. The problem begins when you suppress yourself too much and too often in order to inflate your partner. The relationship then becomes lop-sided - your partner begins to rely on your submission, praises and assistance, and you start to think that this is what makes you valuable, what makes you loveable.

But do you notice that the more you give in to someone, the more they tend to take advantage of you? Yes your partner may love you but they're human too and can be "taught" over time to perceive your love as this consistent yielding to their desires. Your partner can begin to believe that he or she is really more important than you - more attractive, more powerful, more well-liked; while you're turning weak, timid, disrespectful of yourself and basking in the rays of their light.

The thing is, your partner is looking for an equal, someone who can play off them, challenge them, learn with them, grow with them; not more admirers for their "fanclub". To build a meaningful relationship, you must have a healthy self-image. If you have a low assessment of yourself, over time your partner can come to have a low opinion of you too.

So remember, a healthy sustainable relationship can only be developed if both parties have a high sense of self-worth and personal powers are maintained at equitable levels. You're partners, and you're not an unworthy creature admiring someone far better than you.

The Needle

You know the feeling - you've achieved something great after a period of hard work - you've made a great speech, you've wrapped up a big meeting, you've finished writing a book, you've completed an exhilarating game, you've put together a wonderful event, the final notes of your piano recital have met rapturous applause. You're on cloud nine and it seems that at this beautiful moment, nothing can touch you.

Then, someone says, "You're so full of yourself. That was nothing special. I've seen better. You were terrible! You sucked." It seems as if a needle has punctured your rubber soul. There is an earth-shattering pop and the once proud balloon of your ego is now a wrinkled, sniveling wreck.

What happened? It was going so well for you! You were having a great time! And now you're in a daze, wondering what hit you. The words dig into you and you start asking yourself "What did I do wrong? Was I really that bad? That mistake marred my whole performance! I just wasn't good enough!"

The hours and days pass and the feeling of disappointment hasn't abated. You start reviewing your past failures and wrong turns. You wonder if you should continue doing this at all. Maybe you should quit.

Many people actually do. They get so unnerved by the negative feedback that they're thrown off-track. They make even more mistakes because they're so hung up about being perfect.

Now there will always be people who will not like you or find your work helpful or like the pattern of your tie. For whatever reason. These people may not even be making a genuine assessment. It's more likely that they're simply making reckless comments. Otherwise you'd get more analysis than just "you were terrible" ("you sucked")!

It's important not to dwell on this minority of people. If you let them get to you, you'll constantly be distracted. And just think how ridiculous it is for you to be held back by a few careless words. It's just a needle. You don't have to be a balloon that's easily punctured by a prick.

What others think or say about you is their reality. What you think of yourself is your reality. Don't let anyone make you lose direction or abandon your dream. Most of the time, people just want to provoke a reaction. Don't believe a word.

Managing Your States

I'd like you to take a moment and consider the state you're in right now.

A state is a condition of being, a combination of the most dominant emotions and physical circumstances. For example, does your body feel calm, tired, tense, energetic? What are you thinking about? Your job, family, money, the past, or the future? What about your emotions? Are you anxious, happy, guilty, moody, loving or angry?

We are constantly in a flux among various states. Most of us are not self-aware enough yet to notice these states and what they're doing to us, but if you want to increase your efficiency and happiness, you need to identify which states spur you on and which ones hold you back.

You could call these states either resourceful or obstructive. Resourceful states like feeling happy, driven, loving or creative push you to seize opportunities for greater joy and success. Obstructive states like fear, anger, resentment, worry or guilt discourage us from improving our lives and fuel distress.

Needless to say, if we all truly noticed the states we go through, none of us would want to be in obstructive states. But most people do not take stock of the states they go through. They've been numbed by the routine of life.

So what you need to do first is to identify the different states you experience and what triggers each of them. Which states motivate and empower you? Which ones wear you out? Learn to avoid or neutralize the triggers that actuate the undesirable states. Let's try a simple example - if you find that coffee helps you stay alert during the day but keeps you awake at night, try replacing it with something that doesn't disrupt your sleep. That "pick-me-up" during the day is not good enough a reason to be sacrificing sleep. It's an artificial fix anyway; with proper sleep, there's no reason why you should not be alert during the day.

Other examples could be that you feel most energetic and creative after a run. Or perhaps you feel guilty when you're reminded of certain unresolved issues with someone in your past. Maybe you feel tired when you get home because your room looks dreary and needs a fresh coat of paint and more uplifting d?r.

You'll find that many of these little irritants and triggers of bad moods can be easily removed or neutralized, and in their place, resourceful states can be induced.

Loving What We Have

We live in an age of excess and access - excess because we have so much to choose from and access because we have so much freedom to choose. From hi-tech toys to multi-media, high fashion to waterfront homes, chemical distractions to fast lovers, this world offers us an endless array of possibilities. It's all about momentary pleasures, staying in the fast lane, retaining membership in the club of looks and possessions.

The confines of tradition, the prejudice of gender and race, the oppression of politics, the dividing power of distance - all these, though not completely removed, do not bind our feet like they did our forefathers. Today, no one has to feel embarrassed about wanting more, making more money, deserving better, buying more things, having more lovers. Ambition is used as a euphemism for greed. But are we happier than before?

So much of our society is disposable - we see, we want, we use, we throw. More than ever, human beings are buying and using things they don't really need. Our landfills are choking with rubbish, and our debts are ballooning. Yet the buying frenzy doesn't seem to be losing any steam.

Are we getting caught up in the wrong things? Is our focus causing us to ultimately lead empty, meaningless lives? How can we stop the seething, rumbling, fast-exploding machine of industry and greed?

The answer is love - learning to love the things and people we already have. Truly understanding them and appreciating them, discovering aspects of them that eluded us before.

If you love what you have, you don't feel the need for more. If you love what you have, you're not going to throw something out once it gets a little worn. You'll see the deeper beauty that lasts infinitely longer. If you love what you have, you'll be very careful what you buy or who you choose to be with, because it has to be something you can love, not simply a trial or plaything.

Take a closer look at your possessions and relationships - your clothes, your car, your furniture, your gadgets, your partner. What can you learn to love and appreciate more? What can you recycle or maintain? Instead of dreaming about buying something new, think about how you can make the most out of what you already have. Wanting more can never make you happy. The key is loving what you have.

Big Rocks

One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students. He pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one by one, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class said "yes".

Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he asked the group once more. "Is this jar full?" By this time the class was on to him.

"Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.

Once more he asked the question. "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted. Once again, he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim.

Then the speaker looked at the class and said, "The rocks represent the most important things in your life - your children, your spouse, your loved ones, your friends, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others, doing the things you love, having time for yourself, your health. If you don't get these big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. If you're always distracted by the trivial issues (i.e. gravel, the sand), then you'll never have the quality time you need to spend on the bigger, more important stuff (i.e. the big rocks).

So what are the big rocks in your life? Put those in your jar first.

Getting Out of Our Comfort Zones

Most of us love being in our comfort zones. It is so called precisely because within it, there is little or no pressure and we need only expend minimum effort in order to get by in life. But our comfort zones should only be spaces for temporary rest, because as long as we remain within them, we cannot grow.

You need only look around you to see what happens when people try to get through life by doing the least amount of work - they become complacent and lazy, their minds begin to dull, and every minor setback is like a catastrophe in their eyes.

Nature also presents abundant evidence why how getting out of our comfort zones helps us grow, and move through the stages of life. Our mother's womb was our very first comfort zone. We spent nine months depending purely on a single cord for sustenance. It was safe, it was warm, and we didn't have to lift a finger to be nourished. But how long could our mothers' belly hold us? In order for life to continue, we had to get out of the womb. As you know, the process of birth is often a painful experience, both for mother and child. We emerge crying for our lost utopia, our first breaths painful and difficult. Yet, without this event, our lives would've ended at nine months.

Think about each milestone or accomplishment in your life. Was it easy? Hopefully not, because it was, that means the achievement probably meant nothing to you, and you were not made better and stronger through it. No, your victories probably came only after much hard work and leaps of faith into the unknown.

Baby turtles instinctively struggle to get to the ocean after hatching from their shells. To them, the waters are untested territory, yet they never fail to make their way to them. They're wired to know that remaining where they are means certain death.

It's the same for us. If we stay in our comfort zones, we risk becoming weak, aimless and irrelevant. The only way to enrich our lives and continue growing is to keep pushing through the skins of our comfort zones. And this pushing continues into our later years. How many people have retired only to find themselves listless and bored with living after the first year or so? That's because they've stopped challenging themselves. Their minds gradually grind to a near halt.

Getting out of our comfort zones is hard work, but Nature proves to us how essential it is for life and development!

6/7/06

2006-07-06T12:09:00.000+08:00

Time for a Time-Out?

If you watch "Super Nanny" and sigh to yourself "I wish I could hire her?", then here's a great tool for managing your rampaging kids.

It's called a time-out. Now this is already a well-known discipline technique in the U.S. It's not a punishment; it's a teaching method that helps your child learn how to control his or her own behaviour. When used consistently and properly, time-out helps your child learn how not to push your hot buttons.

Time-out is usually used when a child is arguing, using improper language, being disobedient, whining, throwing things, hitting, or having a tantrum.

Time-out is effective because it's a method where your child can see and know that you are backing up what you are saying, i.e., "If you don't stop whining, then there'll be time-out for you." Most children truly don't like time-out because it takes them away from something they enjoy doing.

So what exactly is a time-out?

Each parent has a unique way of presenting time-out and you'll discover your own. Prepare a time-out room where there are no distractions and nothing that can harm your child. Then, find something to represent the start of a time-out. Some parents use an egg timer or some parents use a buzzer. What you do is you place it on a table in the room then calmly tell their child to sit in a chair quietly until the timer rings. Again, explain to your child that you want the misbehaviour to stop. Once you've told your child that they have earned time-out, do not change your mind or be fooled by your child's sudden obedience and cooperative ways. Leave your child in the room with the timer (with or without the door open) and tell your child that you'll be right next-door. Time-out is breathing space for both you and your child to calm down, reflect and regain composure.

Set the timer for two to five minutes. Start the timer once your child is seated and quiet. If your child starts to scream or have a tantrum while in time-out, just simply ignore it. After the timer rings, go to your child. Don't lecture your child after time-out. In fact, change the subject matter when your child leaves the room. The child must want to get out of time-out into an enjoyable place again, not another lecture.

Many children will cease misbehaving once they see their parent reach for the timer. They know what's coming and they modify their own behaviour to become more cooperative. But do bear in mind that time-out is not effective for children below two, and time-out should be only used for correcting one particular misbehaviour at a time.

So is it time for a time-out?

STORIES - The Healing Poison
Li-Li was a young bride who had just moved into her new home with her husband and his mother. In no time at all, Li-Li realized that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law - their personalities were very different, and they had conflicting habits, values and beliefs. The mother-in-law criticized Li-Li constantly.

The months passed but Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. Finally, Li-Li decided to do something about it. She went to her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs, and asked him for some poison.

Mr. Huang was shocked but seeing how distraught the girl was, finally said, "I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and do exactly as I tell you." Li-Li nodded.

He continued, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I will give you a combination of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen."

Li-Li followed Mr. Huang's instructions faithfully. Months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially-treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

Li-Li practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li now regretted her murderous plan and sought Mr. Huang's help for a remedy for the poison. To which he smiled and said, "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

It's Not About You!

Happy, confident and carefree people can seem incredibly self-assured, even to the point of being arrogant. They seem comfortable in almost any situation and mistakes and faux pas seem to slide right off them. Obnoxious people apparently have no effect on them and cheerfulness and optimism is like a second nature.

But unknown to many of us, these people are actually remarkably "un-self-centred", for lack of a better word. It is the ostensibly anxious or high-strung self-loathers who are self-centred.

When we are unhappy with the way we look for example, we're focusing on ourselves, how we appear to others, and the judgements we think are being made on us. When we feel self-conscious and nervous in situations that put us in the spotlight, we are again thinking about ourselves. When we make a blunder and are subsequently riddled with regret or embarrassment, we are dwelling on our error and how others may perceive our silliness or incompetence. When someone disparages us or puts us down and we worry about it all day, we are again imagining that these people actually care how we are.

The thing is, people don't care. They don't think about you and they don't bother how you feel. Not on a date, not in a meeting, not in the office, not in bed, not on stage. Most people only really think about themselves most of the time - what they can get out of any situation - their seemingly negative or damaging words or actions stem from their own insecurities, not from your faults.

If something thinks you're not beautiful or foolish, they're not judging you; usually they're trying to make themselves feel better about themselves.

So the next time you are in a situation that usually makes you nervous, remember? it's NOT about you. Take your focus off yourself and place it on the other party or parties involved. Think about how you can help the other person, either by providing useful information, complimenting them or giving good service. You will find that the more you focus on other people, the less conscious you are of yourself, and the better you'll perform.

After A Partner's Death

When we talk about losing a romantic partner, we often mean that the other person doesn't love us the same way anymore or has started a relationship with someone else. The hurt that accompanies this kind of loss most of us are familiar with, but many of us have not experienced the sort of pain that comes with losing our love to death.

Sometimes it is sudden, which is tough to deal with emotionally, and sometimes financially as well. Other times it can be the result of a long illness, which can be very draining emotionally and physically. Whatever the case, the remaining partner has to contend with a vast emotional vacuum. Some people turn to friends and family or charity to help them cope, and that's enough. But some of us experience a loneliness that we know only having another love and companion can remove.

Now you may be feeling guilty for needing this. On some deep level, you may feel that you are not being respectful of the relationship you and your late partner had. You may even harbour the idea that your late partner expects you to remain "faithful". But if he or she was truly in love with you, and sees you aching in loneliness, I can't see how a truly loving and unselfish late partner wouldn't want you to be happy again. Like it or not, you are both in very different places. You are still of this world, and you do need to live a life; hopefully, a happy one. No, not "need", you deserve to live a happy life. There is nothing more you can do for your past love, but you can still help yourself. Don't deny yourself this opportunity.

If you are widowed and lonely, and deep soul-searching has convinced you that you need to find love with someone else, I hope you will give yourself (and that other person too) a chance. Love is too beautiful and fruitful a thing to deny, ignore or throw away, and if you meet the right person, and you both fulfill each other, then perhaps two lives have been saved.

One chapter of your life has been written but your book has not been finished. The times you had with your late partner will always have those special and wonderful pages in your book; but there are plenty of blank pages that have yet to be filled. You are a being of love and there is no sense containing it. Build a future of love and caring together. Do not feel as if you are abandoning your former time and its memories, you're just moving just as the world never stops. You can be happy, and when you finally embrace it, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

Just One More

You've probably heard the _expression "one little thing can make a big difference". To many of us most of the time, that phrase is just one of any number of overused platitudes that no longer mean anything to us. But like many time-tested aphorisms, that simple phrase contains deep insight. If we can pierce through the thick cloud of skepticism and excess, we begin to discover just how incredible the power of one is.

For example, if you could make just one more cold call every day; that is, to a random prospect you've never contacted before, you would chalk up 260 calls a year. How many extra sales could come out of that?

What about suggesting one more item to every customer? They may not buy it, but how do you know if you don't suggest it? It takes practically no extra effort.

Try applying this principle to other aspects of your life:

Set aside just one day per month for developing your skills. Attend a workshop maybe or read up on that tutorial for that new program. Most people, even if they think they know the importance of continuous upgrading, don't realize its value enough to actually do it. So that means you can quickly outpace your co-workers and competition.

And read one book every month. There's no need to be too ambitious - just read one. But read books related to your industry or that will provide insight to helping you improve your skill in a specific area.

Pause for one moment longer than usual before responding to a prospect's question or request. This silence usually makes people uncomfortable and they are more likely to blurt out something they had not planned on saying. This gives you more insight on the person as well as on the situation.

Get to the office one hour earlier than everyone else. You can probably achieve more in those 60 minutes than you could in several hours. When the people start coming in, the noises and the coffee breaks and the chats and the phone calls can be endlessly distracting.

Send out one more email a day to a potential customer. Very often, what people need is just a little push at the right time. This time today could be the time. The possibilities are endless - one more idea, one more thank you card, one more serving of fruit, one more endorsement or testimonial. It's just one more, but it could mean a ton of benefits.

Building Self-Esteem

A lot of stress, unhappiness, overeating and deliberate self-starving in life is caused by low self-esteem. A positive self-image is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship, and the more confident you are, the better you perform and consequently achieve success. High self-esteem also means peace of mind since you know and respect who you are and what you want. We should all strive for a healthy sense of self-worth. You should be proud of who you are and be totally comfortable in your own skin.

Here are some steps that should start you off quite nicely:

Create a list of people that you admire. Write down why you admire each person. As you are writing the characteristics you like, take notice of what you are writing down. You'll notice a lot of things that aren't related to looks.

Next, write down what you like about yourself. Many of us suffer from the "one-sided" syndrome - we lock in on the things we feel are wrong with ourselves and conveniently ignore the things which we can and should feel good about! So flip it around! Take note of all the things about yourself that you like or can easily improve.

Also, notice how you carry yourself when you walk. Do you walk with your head down looking at the ground? Do you slump your shoulders? Do you avoid eye contact with other people?

Try perking up! Start walking with a spring in your step and start making eye contact with people. Now this next one is pure common sense - start exercising. If your physique is getting you down, change it! You don't have to resort to manic diets or surgery. Exercise, when done in a realistic and fun way is truly enjoyable. It's mankind's age-old method for instantly looking and feeling better! Don't punish yourself, start slow and easy and work your way up.

And hang out with positive and cheerful people. Make humour and optimism a way of life. Learn to laugh at things, especially yourself, because if you can do that, it means you've transcended the trap of being obsessed with the way you look or are. There are many other things in life more worthwhile to pursue and to enjoy.

If your looks or abilities are the only things you're concerned about, aren't you limiting your potential for joy?

STORIES - Weakness or Strength?

A ten-year-old boy loved judo so much that he went ahead with lessons despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" "This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

"No," the sensei insisted, "let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake; he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and the sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

Raising Thinking Children

Do you find that you have to constantly tell your child what to do? Brush your teeth, clear up your toys, make your bed, finish your homework, put on your shoes, walk on the pavement, don't watch TV too close to the screen and so on? The list can be endless especially if you have a very young child.

As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.

This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?

If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"

Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.

Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.

Guilt From Unhealthy Self-Judgement

When we do something that harms someone, we experience a feeling called guilt. This kind of guilt is important to have because it keeps us in check. Otherwise we'd all think nothing of hurting others.

However, the kind of guilt many people experience is of a different and much less positive kind. In fact, you can say it has no rewards at all. This is the kind of guilt that you feel when you have actually done nothing wrong but because of certain born or bred mindsets, you're judging yourself to have been a bad person.

For example, some people feel responsible for all the happiness and unhappiness of their family members. A family member may be feeling needy and is increasingly seeking and wanting more of your assurances and help and time. Now of course you should help your family members but if you feel a deep sense of guilt every time you "weren't there" for example, or said something that appeared to hurt the other person, then you are falsely judging yourself.

You are not wholly responsible for your loved one's state of mind or happiness, although you can play a part. If a loved one becomes testy whenever you aren't able to fulfill a task he or she expected you to do, then you have become a crutch for them. For example, they aren't able to do simple things like calling a service provider or going to the doctor for a minor flu on their own.

When you make yourself wholly responsible for a loved one's happiness and feel guilty whenever you miss the mark, you're also teaching your loved one to be dependent. When this happens, the sense of betrayal just gets stronger and stronger each time you're not able to deliver. Needless to say, this only strains the relationship in the long run.

Now you know that you're not doing anything wrong, or directly damaging, yet you continue to judge yourself whenever others around you get upset. On some level you believe that by accommodating people all the time, you will get their love and acceptance. But it's doesn't work that way. Building up false expectations only builds disappointment and resentment. Remember, you cannot control others' feelings and behaviour by doing things "right". You shouldn't judge yourself whenever you're unable to do things "right". Fully accept that you can't be wholly responsible for another person's feelings and release the self-judgement and guilt.

Empower Yourself

Everyone goes through murky patches of their lives when they start feeling, for apparently no good reason at all, empty and directionless. This can happen when we're living on auto-pilot, getting lost in the rhythm of the ever turning wheels, and having no clear idea what we want or what we're doing. This lack of vision and control can be very disempowering.

So here are some ways you can reclaim control of your life and empower yourself to move into the future with confidence.

First, ask yourself "What do I want?" It's a simple question but the answer can be unexpectedly complex. Most of us don't even think about this question. But it's the most important thing you need to establish. Do you want more money? Give more love? Spend more time with your children? More health? Really meditate on this and listen to what comes back.

Next, ask yourself "What is stopping me from getting what I want?" Is it doubt? As in "I don't think I can go without a regular income." Or is it limiting beliefs? Such as "I'm too old for that." What about attachment? The unwillingness to let go of certain things in order for other things to come into your life. Upon close examination, you'll find that these things really can't hold you back. It's just fear.

Then look at where you are today. Are you getting from it all that you want? Or are you unhappy with the way things are? Even if you think you're miserable, you're getting something from it, otherwise you would have tried to get out of the situation. Many of us languish in self-pity because we're feeding our insecurities. Somewhere deep inside, we actually do like where we are because it means we don't have to take any action towards change. Change frightens us and so we make up the excuse that we're in a hopeless situation and continue doing nothing.

But the human spirit grows thin when it remains in an unchallenging place for too long. The emptiness you feel is precisely because you've not allowed for change to transform your life. You're doing the same thing which gives you no satisfaction day in day out and your heart is crying out for help. So the key really is to decide what you have to do to start changing your life in positive ways. And really take action.

Even small actions, like walking up the steps at the office instead of taking the lift gives you an empowering feeling of moving forward all the time.

Committing to Commitment

When it comes to relationships, are Singaporeans commitment-phobic? Is that why young Singaporeans are getting married later or even avoiding the idea altogether?

Well, it's hard to say, but admittedly some people seem to have a fear of committing themselves to a relationship. As a result, they waft around in a sea of prospective life partners and never take the step towards dropping the anchor.

Don't get me wrong, some people are perfectly comfortable with being perpetual swinging singles; that's fine, but problems arise when the commitment-phobe actually does want to settle down finally, but is clouding his or her vision in the meantime by being fearful of making a promise to one person. This commitment-phobic person is typically worried that his or her present partner may not be "the one", that there is someone better out there. This person usually enters into half-hearted affairs and never truly finds full and fulfilling relationships.

Many people feel that entering into a committed relationship means the loss of their independence. They experience a niggling feeling that they are selling themselves short, giving up the endless number of opportunities (they think) that await them. This is a false fear.

When you focus on what you're losing, you're disregarding what you're gaining. Sure, you may not be able to come and go as you please or leave the dirty dishes in the sink for as long as you wish, but think about what you're getting - trust and intimacy, for instance. And there will always appear to be so-called "better" potential partners, but they only seem more attractive to you because you only know them on a superficial level. Spend more time with them, get to know them better, and the cracks will begin to show.

Many people also unintentionally sabotage a relationship by not pacing its development. They get caught up in the passionate rush and lust of the initial stage, only to find later that their partner is unsuitable for them. Some people are also so afraid of rejection that they close themselves up like a fan. They refuse to share their real feelings and personalities and are miserly with their time and attention.

If you feel you're ready to make a commitment to someone, make sure you both make the decision together. Discuss your life goals and dreams together and reveal your inner selves to each other. This opening up and embracing the whole person is essential to loving one person exclusively and fully.

STORIES - The Oyster

there once was an oyster
whose story i tell,
who found that some sand
had got into his shell.

it was only a grain,
but it gave him great pain.
for oysters have feelings
although they're so plain.

now, did he berate
the harsh workings of fate
that had brought him
to such a deplorable state?

did he curse at the government,
cry for election,
and claim that the sea
should have given him protection?

'no,' he said to himself
as he lay on a shell,
since i cannot remove it,
i shall try to improve it.

now the years have rolled around,
as the years always do,
and he came to his ultimate
destiny ? stew.

and the small grain of sand
that had bothered him so
was a beautiful pearl
all richly aglow.

now the tale has a moral,
for isn't it grand
what an oyster can do
with a morsel of sand?

what couldn't we do
if we'd only begin
with some of the things
that get under our skin.

Leaving the Corporate World

Many of us started working in the corporate world much by following convention without question. You graduate, you finish National Service, you find a job in a company. It felt like the natural thing to do simply because almost everybody was doing it. But now, after a couple of years toiling away at a 9 to 5 (9 to 9 job for some), you're beginning to question the wisdom of remaining in your job. It's not what you love doing, the politics are a pain, the stress and the hours are increasingly demanding, and you're starting to feel disillusioned and bleak about the future. You're sick of waiting for the weekend for your life to begin.

If you're exhausted with the corporate world, you're not alone. There are over 40 million people in North America today who have left the corporate world to become freelancers, independent contractors, or small business owners. More and more I speak to here are also doing the same or are thinking of taking this road. It's becoming an increasingly viable option as more and more companies these days are outsourcing projects and hiring part-time or freelance employees.

It's a natural progression I suppose, as we become more and more affluent, educated and self-aware that we would demand more from life, more from our work, more from our opportunities. We no longer just want job security or money; we want to be passionate about the work we do, we want to express ourselves more and make a difference in this world. We want to live our lives on our own terms and on our own time. We want to savour more of what this world has to offer - travel, write, dance, sing, compose poetry, volunteer at a charity or animal shelter, spend more time with our family, sail a ship, fly a plane, climb a mountain.

All these infinite possibilities are there we realize, but they usually require a departure from a regular desk-bound job. Not to mention a truckload of guts to take that first step. But make no mistake, many people are doing this successfully and you can too. But before you do, make sure you do your homework. Get the resources you need - books, seminars, workshops. Talk to successful or other aspiring entrepreneurs. Work out your finances and budgets. Identify your core skills and key markets. Hone your craft, make more calls, network! Be your own unstoppable PR machine!

Remember, you have a right to discover your passion, live your purpose, and enjoy the profits and happiness that comes with living your dreams!

Accepting Yourself and Others

When you perceive others to be treating you badly, the usual reaction is to feel resentment and an urge to retaliate or assert yourself. Sometimes you can get some sort of recourse, at other times, assertion may be necessary simply to send a strong signal.

However, there are times when you just can't do anything and there seems to be no way for your steam to escape. You're agitated and hurt but you seem to have no power to feel better. For example, you may have a boss who is authoritarian and pushy. You could quit, but you really need the job right now. What to do?

Well, try not judging him. Try accepting him instead. Now, normally, whenever he makes an unreasonable demand or cutting remark, you'd feel how you were being treated. You'd take the attack personally and imagine talking back. You'd feel the heat flare at your temples and your heart race. You'd keep replaying that incident over and over in your mind and continue to feel upset about it later. Basically causing more damage to yourself than he could possibly afflict.

But once you release the judgement and start seeing your boss with compassion, you'll feel an amazing freedom. Your boss is no longer that forked-tongued monster whom you'd like to strangle, but a flawed human being who's struggling with his own demons. There are obviously catalysts in his life that have caused him to handle his world in this manner, nagging problems that continue to push him to behave this way. In a way, he really deserves your sympathy.

We all struggle physically, emotionally and spiritually to survive in this world. To do this, we use all the means available to us. Our resources may be different and other people will respond in different ways based on what they can grasp or hold onto. We can't understand what it's like to be them, so how can we judge them?

If you think he's being hard on you and you feel angry about it, then you're being equally hard on yourself and on him. But if you stop clamping up and really try and open your heart to people, you'll stop being a slave of negative emotions.

You can apply this to anyone who makes you feel upset - don't judge them, accept them. Accept yourself, build your self-esteem, love yourself too much to feel angry. Over time, your quiet confidence and "non-defense" of yourself will make others think twice about making your life difficult. They will learn that their words and actions have no impact on your peace of mind. You know what they say? "The best revenge is living well." Well, I suppose revenge can be sweet.

Getting Out of Bad Moods

If bad moods and bad days are getting you down, it's time for some serious stress-busting. We all need to do this every once in a while; ideally, as often as we can. Here are some tips to get you smiling again.

We are often the company we keep, so take a close look at the people you tend to surround yourself with. Are they sucking the lifeforce out of you? Don't feel obliged to accommodate them; in fact, by entertaining their whims, you're really making them weak and dependent. So get rid of the emotional vampires in your life.

Next, change your posture. We often don't notice this, but the way we carry ourselves has a big influence on how we feel. When we speak timidly, slouch, shuffle our feet and so on, we're cramping our spirit. This also sends a non-verbal cue to others that you're unhappy and lifeless. So take bigger steps, walk faster, stand taller, speak with more confidence. Let your spirit fly!

Watch what you say. Words exert a tremendous influence on our mood, and if you're consistently using words like "I'll try", "It's tough", "I'm tired", "but" and so on, you're programming yourself for failure. Instead, try using more phrases like "I can", "No problem", "I'm great"! Go upbeat!

Focus on what you want, rather than what you don't want. It's awful the wave of "don't"s we have to deal with everyday - "Don't be late", "don't make a mistake", "don't miss the deadline", "don't forget". But I'm sure you realize that the more we focus on what we're not supposed to do, we're more likely to do it. Like this classic example - don't think of a pink elephant. So, shift your focus to what you want - "I want to be energetic", "I want to do well", "I'll do a great job".

Remember, anyone can feel better instantly; you just have to do it! Stop vexing yourself! Unhappy people dwell on their problems and make up excuses why things can't improve. Happy, optimistic people focus on what's good, the solutions; they are constantly looking forward to the next moment. Go upbeat!

Making Great First Impressions

You've heard it so many times - first impressions last. It's been drummed into us since childhood, but how exactly do we make a good impression? Is it all in the look? What we say? How we say it? Well, all of it, actually. Given that we only have from 7 to 17 seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us, it becomes crucial to refine our strategies until they almost become a science. I'm going to leave out appearance though because that's the oldest tip in the book; you know the importance of grooming and attire.

Now, the first thing to remember about making great first impressions is - make the other person the star. Show that the other person (not you) is the centre of the conversation. It's only natural - we all like to talk about ourselves, but give in to that temptation when meeting a stranger and you're unlikely to earn that person's liking and respect. As they say, the most boring thing in the world is me going on and on about myself. However, if you can focus on the other person, your new acquaintance will be eager to see you again.

Next, be a good listener. Not just that, actually demonstrate that you are listening intently and effectively - give affirmative verbal and non-verbal cues like nodding, smiling, maintaining eye contact and saying things like "Great!", That's fascinating!", "Tell me more" and "What did you do next?". All this positive affirmation keeps the conversation going.

Also, use the name of your new acquaintance frequently. For example, "Joe, I really admire your energy to do so many things!" or "That must've been a thrilling experience, Vivienne!" This shows that you have centred the encounter on the other person from the start, catching his or her name during the introduction and more importantly, remembering it. Using the other person's name several times also makes the conversation more intimate and personal.

Now when it comes to humour in initial encounters, the golden rule is: when in doubt, don't use it. No humour is better than having a joke or comment backfire. Funny to you may be sarcastic or insensitive to others.

Next, give up the need to be right. A good argument might be appreciated by close friends but chances are confrontations with someone new will destroy rapport. So as a general rule, don't challenge the other person's statements, or not in an overtly adversarial way.

Finally, remember these three Cs - be Clear, Confident and Convincing.

STORIES - The Touchstone

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers.

The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "Touchstone"!

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while ordinary pebbles are cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore, and began testing pebbles. He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. One day, however, about midafternoon, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

9/6/06

2006-06-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

Making Your Brain More Receptive

You've probably heard that the more often you tell yourself something, positive or negative, the more your brain begins to believe it. Consequently, your state of mind, feelings, actions, and relationships with the people and things around you can be influenced by your self-talk. Some people refer to this as NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Essentially, change what you tell yourself and you can change your life.

Did you know that you can make your brain more receptive to the positive material you wish to input? By altering your brain waves, you can bring it into a state where it is most likely to absorb and retain information.

One simple way to alter our brain waves is through sound. In 1973, Dr. Gerald Oster discovered that if we hear different frequencies in each ear, the brain resonates at a frequency that is the difference between the two tones. A perceptual integration of the two signals takes place, producing a "third beat" frequency. Depending on the frequency of this "third beat", the effect may be relaxing or stimulating. So we can actually create optimum conditions for our best thinking and highest creativity.

You've probably heard that listening to Mozart while studying makes learning more effective. Or perhaps you've felt utterly relaxed in a hotel lobby that pipes in classical music. What about so-called "chill-out" music? Why do you think it helps you unwind?

Tapes or CDs that help you sleep capitalise on this principle. While you listen to them, your brain is slowly locking into resonance with what you're hearing, abandoning dissonant thoughts, and focusing gradually on the pattern or form with which it is most in sync. Before you know it, you've dropped off into slumber.

Such aural patterns are not only found in music. Cultures around the world have incorporated this principle into their rituals and prayers for centuries. Certain kinds of drumming, singing and chanting have been known to alter brain waves.

Many natural environments also offer ideal conditions for optimum brain receptivity. You've always known that certain natural sounds, like a waterfall, the rustling of leaves, the gentle patter of raindrops, birdsongs and ocean waves are relaxing, right? Well now you know why. So immerse yourself regularly in environments which enable your brain to absorb information more spontaneously. Play some Mendelssohn, or some spiritual music. Find a quiet spot by the beach. Walk up Bukit Timah Hill. Input positive material. Tell yourself good things, the things that you want to believe. And you'll be doing what great thinkers have done for thousands of years.

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STORIES - The Empty Soap Box

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies.

The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason unknown to them, one soap box managed to go through the assembly line empty.

Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. The engineers worked feverishly to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt it was a moderately viable solution but they spent a phenomenal amount of money and resources to develop and implement this idea.

Amidst all this fuss, when a rank-and-file employee came to hear about this problem, he offered management a jaw-droppingly simple solution: point a strong industrial electric fan at the assembly line. As the soap boxes pass the fan, any empty ones simply get blown off the line.

When confronted with problems in life, most of us fret and worry about how to find the best fix for it. We imagine the solution to be difficult and complex when sometimes, it's really quite simple. So the next time you're faced with a problem, don't instinctively reach for your engineers and analyst and experts or the expert in you, try looking at it from other ways and discover a simple answer.

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Stress Reduction for You and Your Kids (Part 1)

We're always hearing about how children are naturally happy, that they are generally immune to worry and guilt. Well, that might be true, but only until we grown-ups teach them how to be stressed. Our children look to us parents for appropriate behaviour, to learn what's right, what's wrong, how to react to certain stimuli and so on. In this way, we are also their role models for stress reduction. If we cannot manage our own stress levels, our kids in turn will not be able to deal with their own stress effectively.

A lot of stress is really self-inflicted. We may blame the high cost of living, competition, social expectations and so on for our crazy schedules but ignoring our own part in it is irresponsible and disempowering. Many of us lead exhausting lives because we overbook our schedules. We just try and cram in too much. We convince ourselves that certain things have to done by certain times and when they fall through, we feel guilty or inadequate.

We do that to our children's schedules too. Enrolling children in too many extracurricular activities can really stress them out. Generally speaking, kids seem to gain more satisfaction from focusing on a few interests that they truly enjoy. Just like adults, they tend to suffer physically and emotionally when they spread themselves too thin. Besides, if you allow your children to focus their energy on a handful of their favourite hobbies, say tennis and piano, they will continuously gain more and more skills in these areas, which will in turn boost their self-esteem.

Before you can learn to understand how stress is affecting your child, you need to know how to ask the right questions. How you ask your questions are also crucial. It's great to ask your young children some open-ended questions about school or camp or daycare, but proceed sensitively - listen carefully and look for cues about their anxiety level. Don't push your kids into areas in which they feel uncomfortable. Young children are natural storytellers and they will tell you about their experiences in school, with friends, teachers and other important subjects when they are ready. So very often it's best to gently nudge them in the appropriate direction and let them initiate the story-telling process.

You want to make them understand that stress is normal and that there is always something that can be done to get the levels down. Your children will pick up your calm, positive energy or your nervous, negative energy so focus on managing your own stress effectively. Allow them to see how you do it, and they will naturally learn and internalize these habits. And don't make the mistake of thinking that working excessively hard is necessarily going to help your kids. If you break down, who's going to help them?

In the next programme, we'll talk about some ways you can reduce stress in your life as well as in your children's lives.

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Stress Reduction for You and Your Kids (Part 2)

In the last programme, we talked about how children naturally observe and pick up their parents' habits. So if you're a nervous wreck, your children will probably crumble when they're stressed too. Here are some ways you can reduce your own stress, and in turn teach your child, by example, how anxiety can be minimized.

Simplify your home life in as many ways as possible. Very often our lives are chaotic because we simply do not take the time to organize them. Concentrate on a few key tasks and do them efficiently. Shut down your computer after a certain time in the evening and spend the rest of the day engaging with your children.

Minimize the level of "emotional drama" in your life. We can't stop exhausting or toxic people from entering our lives from time to time, but we can stop ourselves from thinking about them after the episodes have past. Let go of the meanness and nastiness that they've left in your hearts every now and again. This teaches your kids that they don't have to keep odious people in their lives. And also that they need not become bitter and hateful themselves.

When your children are around, always turn to your spouse when you need a friend to talk to. This shows them that a good and lasting marriage is possible when both parties can confide in one another without turning to outside sources. Ask for different perspectives, funny stories or a fun experience. And most importantly, laugh as often you can!

Another great way to de-stress is to perspire! Take your children out for a walk, a run, a swim or a game. Our bodies naturally retune themselves when the endorphins start flowing.

Also don't be afraid to spend time on what you love doing. Encourage your children to develop some hobbies and interests of your own. For example, if you find writing poetry or coming up with ridiculous recipes de-stressing, don't be embarrassed about it! A lot of the stress we give ourselves is from the holding back and worrying about what others might think of us.

And begin and end your day as calmly as possible. Make it a point to get up perhaps five or ten minutes earlier so you don't have to rush. Spend the extra time just breathing deeply with your eyes closed. Do this with your children. Ask about their dreams, their hopes. Talk about how blessed you are, to be healthy, to have one another, a beautiful home, a mind to learn new things, a heart to love. Take mental snapshots of you giving thanks for all that you have and keep them in your mind.

6/6/06

2006-06-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

today is 6/6/06. A new beginning after seeing my horrendous exam results. I think fate is just wanting me to continue to work hard. He knows that I might get arrogant if i get first class, so I am fated to stay as an average guy, a normal 2nd class person. And truly, I accept it. No problem. I will think of other ways to compensate for my lack of intelligence. From today on, fight fight fight. My spirit of fighting hasn't stop yet. I will continue to work even harder.

A call from my future work place called, asking me what honours i get. I felt a pinch when i said "2nd uppers". Yes pinch. So, don't ever ask me what i got.

tahts about it

6/6/06

2006-06-06T00:44:00.000+08:00

I just changed my blog address. I don’t want my close friends or those who I know to read my blog. I want to type my true feelings, totally and clearly without hiding feelings. I want to use words that is direct and my kind of words. I want to say what I usually wouldn’t say. This new blog add is to remind myself that i am really such a failure. Even if i work so hard, i couldn't get the results i wanted.

My exam results came out, and to my horror, no distinctions at all. I cannot accept it. I really can't. The effort i've put in. The energy that i put it. I don't want to care how other people fare. I just want to know why didn't I do as well? I am really not an elite. I live an average person's life. I can't proceed on to the higher level. And all i got was just a stupid 2nd class honours.

I got mixed feelings. On one side, I feel happy because i will not be judged as a 1st class honours holder (more stress). On the other hand, I just don't know why i can't beat those other guys. I really don't know why i want to compare. Its just my innate feeling that I must be better than others. I cannot lose to others. I must win them. Fight for glory and honour. I don't qualify as first class just because I can't do the stupid exam well. Good attitude doesn't get you anywhere right?

One weird phenomenum. Although I didn't get any distinction for my core modules. I managed to get it for the business core which is not my core! My only Distinction this sem is the bloody hell fixed income securities. I totally cannot understand. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY. AM I in the wrong course? My derivative securities, my equity securities module, then now my fixed income modules. I GOT DIstinction for all of them!! Why Why why??? I didn't put in alot of effort for fixed income. Why i can get? Why my audit, my advance accounting, my political econs cannot get?!??!?! I am totally devastated. I dread when people ask me.

How am I going to face my future employers? If they ask me why is it like this, I couldn't answer. I started my Uni life as a lousy student, getting only 2 distinctions. Then during year 2, I fly and got more distinctions, and reached a crescendo in year 2 sem 2. THen i started to fall.... slowly, gently and here comes i land like an exhausted idiot. I worked so hard during year 3 and yet..... I don't understand.

Its time for me to really type all my feelings out, details and everything. No one will know that I've changed my blog add. I will not tell anyone about this. For those who reads this, you are someone whom I don't know. I don't mind cuz we most probably don't meet each other at all.

For those who I know and found this blog add. please.... don't let me know. Keep it to yourself. I want to vent all my things here.

THe end of my uni life and i ended up with a 2nd upper honours. I fought so hard during the last sem to see if i can squeeze into the 1st class. To my horror, no distinctions at all despite having all As for class participation and projects. What a joke. So, i'm bad in exam. SO?!?? darn. I can't stand exams.

Did I cry? Yes I did. And it was a fast 15 mins. After that, I don't feel the pinch. I thought it was quite fast. I can't believe myself. I was ok and went to play my maple story after that.

There were a few friends who msged me but, i gave them the hard response. Sorry i was mean but... i don't feel proud about my results.

I once promised my family that i'll bring them to good restaurant if i get first class honours. There goes..... I'll just remain as second class. Always second to the first. Live an average life and work like an average person. Stop wanting to fight. "YOU ARE JUST AN AVERAGE PERSON!" CASE CLOSE.

4/6/06

2006-06-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

going down with sore throat. I bet the fever is coming soon too. Anyway I'll still be mapling. Its 12am now. I need to sleep haa. Talk less. Oh ya, went for band today. After 1 week of training at home, i feel like i can soar my sound with wings. Cool right haa. Ok sleep.

Slice of life

5 Habits of Extraordinary People

Most of us would never choose to be average. But many of us continue to under-perform and remain stagnant because we don't actively think about and do what would elevate us above mediocrity. So the first step really, is to emphatically reject mediocrity and the idea of "just getting by". Commit to developing these habits that extraordinary people share:

# 1: Build a vision or focus. Where do you see yourself heading? What do you want to improve? Do you want to own a business? Do you want to build a closer bond with your family members? Do you want to have a fitter body? Are you planning a dream retirement? Schedule activities everyday that help you along this path.

# 2: Break out of your molds and routines. What do you say when people ask you questions to which you don't know or are unsure of the answers? Do you simply say "I don't know"? Successful people never say "I don't know". Their creative and quick-thinking minds reach into their mental stores to fashion a plausible answer, usually more than one. They may not be right all the time, but this trains their minds to think fast and develop creative, alternative solutions. Successful people like to think that there is always a way and that they will find it. These people disdain tried and tested methods and conforming to society's ideals of what they should be.

# 3: Regularly take time to rest, unwind, and enjoy life and the gifts that have been given to them. They know when to take a step back or out of the circle to see the bigger picture. Mediocre people, on the other hand, are always telling you how busy they are, how they have no space to breathe and relax. In reality, these people are afraid to stop and examine where all this frantic comes from. This blur of "busyness" is a cover for a humdrum, run-of-the-mill, ordinary existence.

# 4: Welcome and embrace change. Extraordinary people understand that change is necessary for growth and life and they look forward to it, even being part of the force that brings about change. They don't react to the world, they evolve dynamically with it. They love new experiences and thinking about how things could be made better.

# 5: Believe that happiness comes from within themselves and not from outside sources. Extraordinary people don't believe that a certain thing or person will bring happiness, and they don't wait to be happy. They don't think "I'll be happy when?". They strive to find joy wherever they are.

3/6/06

2006-06-03T14:51:00.000+08:00

A day which seems like a family gathering with aunties. Ah, a guy (me), with mum, and 2 aunts. Went to visit a relative who seems to be those granny granny category. We are not very close to relatives so i don't even know which family line that granny belongs to. Anyway, just very sad when i heard so much about that granny. Sigh. Everyone needs to be fillial (cannot spell.)

We went for breakfast at a dim sum shop along.... donno what road. Then for lunch haa. Its Mayim in westmall. Hello... ordered more than 10 dishes for 4 person.... My stomach nearly exploded. Well i won't complain cuz I don't have to pay anything haaa. I guess my aunt is really successful to retire at 45. I can't believe it.

Me, on the other hand, will not want to retire so early. Rot life sia. Work till the day i die haaa. Maybe i'll die early but, I'll not have an empty life.

Time for maple now.

2/6/06

2006-06-02T19:10:00.000+08:00

Auntie came my house.. taught how to convert cd into mp3 and transfer to mp3 player. Got a free 4 piece chicken from Macdonalds for that.

Watched korean show again. I have to wait until next monday for the next episode. Waiting just drives people crazy. So, reunion. "O genki desu ka?" I didn't know this question can be pictured so nicely.

Too much connection. Just like what i'll do. Wish them all the best. I just hope the story ends before my work starts..... I got a feeling, its not going to end so sooon. Buy vcd??? sigh. I'm so stuck to it haaa. My motivation for everyday. Ohhhh I'm such a loser haaa.

"Watashi mo......"

Slice of Life

Job Satisfaction

Many people turn a beloved hobby into a vocation. They have a gift, a talent screaming for _expression. It means doing something that they love. And they feel empowered by it.

However, this newfound empowerment is inside the person, not in the changing of careers. How can you feel empowered if you are already successful in your work but feel discontented?

There is a big difference between believing in something and deeply experiencing the same thing. An old _expression suggests, "It will not help to believe in ladders unless you climb one." Many people are highly skilled, successful, and competent in their work. They are intellectually aware of their value. However, they do not experience the internal satisfaction and contentment that they want and deserve.

So how can we achieve job satisfaction?

First, check your motivations for being in your career. Success is the result of skills, actions, and choices. It is not however, a reason for remaining in one place. Just because you've achieved success in your current job doesn't mean you can't go on to achieve similar or greater successes in other endeavours.

Catch a partner or co-worker doing something great each day. Verbally acknowledge the dedication and value that they contribute. Use sincere words and actions to show colleagues that they are valuable. Share your goals with others, and express sincere appreciation for their participation. We build trust-worthy relationships by joining with our peers in cooperative activities. Showing appreciation for others will reflect back and enrich your experiences.

Focus on your value by challenging yourself to make improvements each day. Nourish and maintain yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Discontentment may simply be a warning sign of burn out.

We can be both successful and content with our lives and careers. We create the most meaningful monuments from the love and enthusiasm we have for our work. Create a monument everyday by doing what you love and focusing on the value you bring to others. Acknowledge also the value that others contribute to your life and career. These actions coupled with a healthy, balanced lifestyle can add contentment and improved relationships to your career beginning today.

1/6/06

2006-06-01T06:37:00.000+08:00

Now is 6.35am. I couldn't sleep (sounds familiar to someone?). Perhaps I ate too full last dinner? My mind was too active? Was it the weather too hot? Or was it other things going through my mind? I play too much maple? (cuz keep having the maple image in my mind. Oh no!!
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Went for NUS band lower brass section outing. So coincident to see someone (who i know and suppose to go for the outing too) SLEEPING on the bus. So with my powerful fingers, I give her a poke on the shoulder. SURPRISE!! Ha, siao. I worry of getting lost in Holland V disappeared. Super!

I gave up NUS band practice for the korean show. I will not... for any reason, skip any episode. This is my vow. No matter what. You can only stop me by killing me. I'm in love with that show now. Now she know who he is. Wonder what happens next. Anticipation.

As for maple, I managed to chiong to level 40 now. 10 more levels to go within 18 days. Can I make it? I donno sia. sigh.

Slice of Life

Two Pebbles

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the village moneylender, an old, ugly and devious character.

Knowing that the farmer did not have the resources to pay him back, the moneylender proposed a bargain - he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified.

In an attempt to appear honourable, the moneylender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. The girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble, she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be pardoned. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. The sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into his bag.

The moneylender then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, when faced with such a sudden and sticky situation, how was the girl going to untangle herself and her father? Most of us would arrive at three options:

1. The girl could refuse to take a pebble. Her father would be imprisoned as a result.

2. The girl could show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat. But then, the moneylender could still demand that the debt be paid up.

3. The girl could pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

What would you recommend?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble was black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender couldn't admit his dishonesty, he grudgingly forgave the farmer's debt.

31/5/06

2006-05-31T19:10:00.000+08:00

Routine life. Everything as usual. But wanna talk a little about the korean show at 6pm. I just feel so connected with how J (refer to previous postings to find out who this J is) was feeling. Too much similarities? Except for the wealth and career haa. He said something at 6.23pm which reflected me totally. Won't be posting here. Once again, I like his style. Will I be like that? (in terms of attitude haa).

Now then i know that there is someone who can drive you back if you drink in pubs. I wonder if Singapore has that. Anyone knows what that kind of driver is called? Most prob i'll be like in future haa. Oh yes he can drink without thinking about burning pockets. Me want too! NO BEER!! Yucks. Need to search for a second favour pub liao. Any recommendations?

3 more weeks before work starts. TIme to get my Assasin to level 50 before that. Its now level 39. Played 8hrs today to get myself from 38 to 39 eeks.

Side track. I've been practicing my eupho and i realise how "Loud" I am. Sorry, its not that i am playing too loudly, its my room that can't contain my sound. when i play my high notes, i can't even bear to hear myself. Its just way to loud to my liking. I need a better place to practice!! Or... I'm really too loud. Anyway recall that i have problems with my neighbours upstairs, its time for revenge. My "nice" eupho sound will "PENETRATE" into they house as my Bell is facing upwards!! Good luck to them haa. And i don't play nice things.... mostly scale studies and arppegio techniques. Oh ya, due to bad acoustics, i don't think i can do the recording. (well, my skills are bad too) Haa thats all.

Building up my DRIVe for the start of my job even though family is.... well you know. ARGH. I'm ignoring haa. Totally give up on the word "family". I'm getting myself used to soloing life. And yes, I can smile thinking of it because I can soar greater heights without worries

30/5/06

2006-05-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

I'm getting used to this life. Everyday is a routine now. I love routines. Morning, maple till 3pm. Practice my eupho until 5pm, go jog until 6pm, watch korean show, then eat dinner, blog then maple again, sleep! I love this. Haa. So cool.

Ok I want to announce that I will stop posting blogs with effect on the 19/6/06. Thats when i start work. Not going to talk about work here man. Haa. Won't have time either. So I'll say goodbye on 18 june. muahah.

Ok back to maple now. I'm going to explore new areas!! so exciting!

Slice of Life

Love No Enough

You love your partner very much, and you're pretty sure he or she loves you. So why are you always fighting? Why do both of you always seem to be in different places? Why are you feeling disappointed?

As we progress in our relationships, it becomes clearer and clearer that love is not enough. Love brings two persons together but other factors come into play to keep a union harmonious and mutually rewarding.

The most important of these is a high level of self-esteem in both parties. When either or both partners have low opinions of themselves or some aspects of themselves, they tend to breed insecure feelings, fear and resentment over mostly-imagined injustices. They tend to cage their true feelings, always giving in, putting up with their partner because they feel that this is the best they're ever going to do.

Here's a way to check your sense of self-worth and the true foundation for a successful relationship:

Close your eyes and rate your self-esteem by seeing or sensing a number from one to ten, with ten being high. Now imagine that you are seeing an image of yourself standing in front of you. Tell the image of yourself what he/she needs to do in order to raise his/her self-esteem. Now visualize yourself acting out in the future what you need to do in order to experience more self-love. Ideally you and your partner's score should be eight or higher. If it isn't, follow your plan on how to become more self-assured.

After self-esteem comes effective communication. Many couples resort to fight or flight responses when they get into an ugly area. The deep, inner layers of the problem therefore never get resolved and over time your relationship begins to feel like a minefield; you're both simply looking for areas to avoid and not much else. So make a commitment to yourself to learn better ways to express your thoughts and feelings, and to solve your problems.

Finally, a couple needs to grow together in order to stay together. Watch it when one party focuses on his or her own growth and the other remains stagnant or even regresses. Make sure that you and your partner are always learning together, looking forward to similar objectives and actively working towards them, together. If you can do all this with your partner, then over time you would have built a bond that nothing can break.

29/5/06

2006-05-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

Just a few more weeks left before going out to work! I need to enjoy every sec, every minute, every hour, every day of my life. Yes! I have something to look forward to everyday! Its the 6pm show. Korean shows!! Yeah my favourite! Things are really getting heated up in that show!

But to all, mark my words. There can never be real love that is everlasting. Humans are not natural lovers, even science proved it. Only dramas can be so sweet and nice. To re-live the feeling of love, just watch more Korean shows!!

In reality, couples are just always taking each other for granted, quarrelling, shouting here and there. Divorce rates in Singapore rising, with females initiators increasing. We see people chopping people up here and there. The big psychological difference between guys and girls, how long can they still live together. Or that the human instinct of keeping humanity alive keeps them together.

IF, we are allowed to reproduce artificially, would males and females still get married? Better off to stay individual? Perhaps then, males will get to extend their lives by 5 years (science says that males live shorter than females). Females could perhaps get their gender equality (work more instead of staying home). Would the general economy be more efficient that way? (The value of Housewife work is not counted in GDP)

Oh no! I'm returning back to my old self. Yes i am. Cuz I just hate seeing people quarrel. Someone taught me how to fight back, to reject, and to disagree with people. Big skills i learnt. And I'm fighting back, in a subtle way, towards the fake happiness of marriage. Does marriage give happiness or doom? Can love really last? Is liking a person = loving a person?

Questions and questions and more questions.

Oh ya, back to the drama again. I like that rich guy's style. Haa, only rich guys can be so macho right? And if you girls are thinking "how i wish i can find someone like that", then please be disappointed. You know the answer. Yes that guy is rich and super nice. Try finding one loh.

And to the guys who think that the girls are nice (perhaps in future episodes), sorry, can't find also, cuz its drama. Everything is just so nicely patched up. Dream on. haa.

I'm remaining my happy self. Period.

COMMUNICATE DAMN IT!! (see below)

Slice of life

Improving Communication With Your Partner

Consistent, healthy communication is vital for your relationships. It's like the heart in the human body. It's easy to see why really - if you don't talk about your feelings, how will your partner know how you feel? And if your partner doesn't know, how can he or she react properly?

There are some things to note for healthy communication though; some couples seem to communicate often but it doesn't help the relationship because they're just venting and not listening. Or they're presuming too much, or taking things too personally.

Start by learning to listen. Now, some people seem to do that, but what they're really doing is waiting for their chance to cut in and defend themselves. They often sit while the other person is talking, waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger.

What you should do is listen actively and emphatically to your partner. Watch the facial expressions, the body language. Learn to listen to more than just the words since we often can't express what we're really trying to say in words alone.

Also, don't assume that you understand what your partner is trying to say. Ask for clarification. Sometimes, it can seem as though your partner is being sarcastic or insulting, or making a cruel joke about you, but you're basically just being over-sensitive. If you're not sure, ask. Very often, you'll find that you were off the mark completely. And trust your partner's clarification. If you can't trust your partner, then the relationship is doomed anyway.

Also, words have different meanings for different people. Some people say "interesting" when they mean "I think it's awful but I don't want to hurt your feelings". Learn to remember how your partner uses certain words or tones and what he or she is trying to convey. Take the time to study what he or she means by saying certain things. This will make your sharing experience much more pleasant.

There are certain topics that may trigger a fight-or-flight reaction. Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feelings that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up and avoid sharing or it might be something that touches a painful memory and they get into a defensive mode. Being aware of these triggers helps you learn how to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers.

Yes, healthy communication is tough, but if you're serious about making your relationship work, few things are more important.

28/5/06

2006-05-28T20:45:00.000+08:00

High time high time. I just so high after westwinds practice haaa. I love my eupho sound so much ahaa. My Westwinds eupho gives me a hard time (super high resistence) but give me good sound. Sounds like a good looking gf that needs lots of emotional care.... eeks. haaa Hmm shouldn't compare like this haa.

Oh YESSsssss!~~ I brought her home. My eupho in my house now, lying in a sexy pose. I'm gonna make some recording through the week haa. But i need to tone up my muscles first haaa. So first 3 days for basic training. Then make some recordings haa. Hope its presentable so I can post on my blog haaa. I don't promise though.

Looking forward to a new week. Yeah!! And... my assasin is level 36~~@@!! HOoooooo!!~~

27/5/06

2006-05-27T16:12:00.000+08:00

Wa today maple damn shiok. Got a party of 6 people, occupying a big area!! The levelling time was half my usual time!! So fast!. It was fun and interesting, macham like a missle battalion firing at mobs. Made a few new friends again!! Nice and friendly kind. I'm level 35 now!! 5 more levels before i travel to another island for a new exploration!! haaa. WOooooo~~!

I just saw the japanese variety show on the Cupid episode. Rather sad for the guy. A rejected confession haa. Well, the cupid didn't help much but to scare the lady out of her life haaa. So funny. Sometimes things are just not meant to be haa. Rejected Hoooooo~~! (I like that last line haa)
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Killing myself part 2

This time, I pushed myself further during my jog. I didn't try to kill myself because i was sad or angry. I am now on my high time!! Wooooooooooo~~!! The emotional Boom is coming (similar to the economic cycle). So powerful, so fierce, full of energy!! Chiong ah!!

I ran 200% of my normal with a total of 4 rounds around my neighbourhood. Feet burn Hoooooooooooooo~~!! Lost two small piece of meat to blisters.

Tomorrow got band again!! Gonna go shopping at Westmall again. Walk walk walk with my ankle weights!! Torture myself... suki desu ne.... Hai! Honto suki desu.

Today got shi zi lu kou!! laff laff time comes. Oh I"M SO HIGH. omg.

(am i trying to make myself happy? haa. Why be sad if you can life your life happy? I'm trying to train myself to be a clown in the crowd so that i can entertain people when i go out with them!! )

26/5/06

2006-05-26T19:22:00.000+08:00

I got a feeling that I've been let out of jail, OKAY~~!! And phew, I got a hot BABE with me HOOOOOOOOO~~!! (*cough cough, clear throat) When did I sound like that Japanese variety show guy haa (you know who).

Orchard lunch! And I hate PIZZAs HOOOOOOOOO~~!! Oh but theres no Pizza in the Pizza walk something restaurant... so pasta HOOOOOO~~!! And someone was so interested in the softshell crab. I could even imagine it talking and dancing on the spaghetti.
And me, making a fool out of myself again. When the lagsania (donno how to spell la) came, I still got the face to ask the chef:" i thought i ordered Spaghetti?" There's no Spaghetti for that dish!! HOOOOO~~! (I should have done this ---> SAY! SAY! SAY! SHUTUP! Give me my spaghetti baked meat!)

Oh ya, pardon me if i'm a little quiet cuz, I'm SHY! (you don't have to believe it.) I guess, no... i confirm i'm not those who can entertain people really well. But, thats me, OKAY~~~!!

Then my friend got to leave me at orchard because I'm too boring. But I didn't accept the fate that i'm gonna feel bored the rest of the day. I did a little walk there and came up with my wishlist. So, I've decided, for every month that i work, I'm gonna reward myself by buying something for myself. So heres it.

For the first month, I'm gonna get myself a Wallet cuz my current one got hole... but still useable.

In the second month, I'm gonna get myself the super high quality SOny earphone that filters out surrounding sound. This is to ensure that my team IC will find it hard to ask me to do sai gang when he needs me to. I'm gonna listen to music when i work. I don't care!

For the rest of the months, I'll think of something. haa

For dinner, my mum cooked great samba fish, fried nuggets and pork ribs!! SUper. And I get to eat peppermint and chocolate ice cream for desert. Luckily i jogged before dinner, or else i'll get fat again!

Someone requested for the korean drama's story line for today's episode. Hmm hope i remember, here goes.

"1989, the childhood of the 3 main characters. I'll call the lady L, the lee dong jian guy as J and the other guy as Z. Z and J knew each other in school and met L in a small store. L stood up for Z and J when the store keeper accused them for stealing things. All 3 ran and escaped from the store keeper.

They met up at a church one day, vowing to be great friends forever. Z and J vowed, even to protech L till the day they die.

1992, J went missing near the river and is no where to be found. L and Z thought J died.

Today, L is a camera woman for a press/magazine firm. Z is the son of a wealthy business man. But his father doesn't seems to like him alot. Z's family did not treat Z well as Z lives with his mother. And there seems to be a power struggle between Z and his elder brother who stays with his father in a big house.

Z likes L but L doesn't seems so. L treats Z like her brother. L still thinks about J.

Today, J appears as a japanese who is the son of a big insurance company owner. J has a date with a famous korean actress on a cruise. L was asked by her firm to take a close shot at the 2 person's intimacy. Thus, L hid in the big dining room behind the curtains trying to take some photos. J noticed it and ask the actress to leave the room using an excuse- asking her to go to another place to choose wine.

Now, L was discovered! To find out what will happen next, watch tv!"

Today's slice of life is dedicated to someone

Slice of Life

How Do You Measure Happiness?

Happiness is something that most people are concerned about and want. Athenian philosopher Aristotle once said that "Happiness is the end for which human beings are designed."

But, it seems that many people are confused about happiness. Sure, we know that it's important, but it's surprising how many people are not happy and how many are looking for happiness in the wrong places.

Some of us think the more we have the happier we'll be. Think about the times in your life when you bought something because you thought it would make you happy. How long did the joy last? On hindsight, was it really worth the effort and money? There is so much pressure in our culture to buy and to have. But there is a rude awakening to actually attaining the things that you think will make you happy. It is often so disappointing. How many times have you wanted something, only to find once you had it, it didn't give you the joy and happiness that you expected?

Someone else cannot make you happy. One of the myths of our society is that finding the perfect mate will bring perfect happiness. However, people who depend on others for their personal happiness are often bitterly disappointed. True happiness comes from knowing yourself, your values, and what you like to do, not from someone else knowing these things about you. We also have to understand that happiness is not guaranteed. It is not a right. If we can fully understand this truth, then we'll cherish happiness more when it comes, and grieve less when it goes.

Questions about human happiness are not new; they have been asked throughout time. But no one else can really tell you how to find happiness. Also, what makes you happy changes with time. In reality happiness is a personal thing with as many varieties as there are individuals. The bottom line is that we are all experts on our own personal happiness, no one else holds the key or the answers to it. I would like to end this programme by sharing a statement by Robert Louis Stevenson:

"Make the best of your circumstances, No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. Don't take yourself too seriously. You can't please everybody; don't let your neighbours set your standards, do the things you enjoy doing, but stay out of debt. Don't borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than the actual ones. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish enmities, grudges. Don't hold post-mortems. Don't spend your life brooding over sorrow and mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. Keep busy at something. A very busy person never has time to be unhappy."

25/5/06

2006-05-25T11:44:00.000+08:00

No mood to compose, totally no inspiration. Tried to continue the piece but.... don't seems to be able to come out with something nice. Should I just call it the unfinished song and then post it online? .....

Jogged, practice 8 bars of FF10 piano piece for 2hrs. (2hrs, 8bars?!?! How "efficient" and "talented")

Slice of Life

Help! My Loved One is Perpetually Negative!

What's one of the top barriers to your success?

Well, in this case, it's not you. It's other people; more specifically, negative people. The final decision to let these people affect you or not is yours of course, but their increasing presence in this world can feel like a tidal wave of resistance.

There's a lot of negativity in this world; a lot of people seem to always fear the worst although it's not the least bit useful. Pessimism and worry achieve nothing ultimately but they can be extremely damaging.

The Law of Attraction states that we become magnets for whatever we focus our thoughts or attention on - both wanted and unwanted. In other words, what you think about, you become. Your thoughts create your reality. For example, right now, you may be noticing everything that isn't working in your life or business. By dwelling on what isn't working or isn't happening, you remain "stuck", attracting more of the same.

Negative people attract and give out negative energy, and going by the Law of Attraction, they're likely to be stuck in their own mediocrity, misfortune and dead end lives. Now, strangers or casual acquaintances with poison in their words are easy enough to deflect, but what happens if your spouse, partner or friend is being negative? Will their doom and gloom eventually consume you? Or can you part their grey clouds and let some sunshine into their lives?

First of all, remember that you always have a choice whether to participate or not. It takes two to argue or fight, and you can always choose what you talk about. For instance, if your partner or friend is complaining again about what's wrong with their lives, you can either buy into their bleakness and turn the whole conversation into a groan fest, or you can take the conversation to a higher level by vibrating at a different frequency. Try to get them to vibrate along with your brighter, more optimistic tone.

Try asking the question "So what do you want?". Now, complainers are not used to answering this kind of question, the kind that forces them to take charge of their lives and chart the future course; it makes them uncomfortable. But press ahead with this line of questioning and you'll soon hear their words and tones change. They'll pick up your vibes and start to think of solutions rather than problems, blessings rather than hardships.

Don't allow your loved ones to get you down. Instead, pick them up and look forward to a brighter future together.

24/5/06

2006-05-24T17:25:00.000+08:00

I thought i can level my Assasin today... who knows... server patching... argh. There goes. So i went to continue my composition, and it turns out to be SUPEr!! Ok, my favourite of all my compositions for now. But too many instrumentation until have to take so long to do 8 bars. Type one note by one note sia. Now I need a good bridge to make it sounds like a pro piece.

Then, a happy photo taking session. It cost really a bomb but, the standard of service is really high. I recommend the NTU affiliated photo studio, Serangoon Broadway studio. Ya, I can't bear to see my dad showing dark face after paying, so I paid for the thing... Don't care lah, starting to work soon anyway. Porridge and bread for the next 1 mth. Oh yes, You can bring your PETS there. My dog went into the picture!! I can't wait to see the product!! Oh ya, we decide to make 3 big ones. So i can replace my old hanging photos with the new ones. Graduation hurray!!

Oh time for a jog now. I'm feeling better in my working pants, but i need to slim down more haaa. I can't live in that pants for 8 hrs a day. SULK.

I WILL LEVEL MY ASSASIN TODAY!! Aiming for level 33.

Oh ya, the housing board person came regarding the neighbour dispute. He recommended a government body called the CMC, community mediation centre. I didn't know theres such thing in Singapore. Anyway, for all my readers, next time you want to throw things at your neighbours, just go find CMC, they can even help to bring the case up to courts if you want.... not the furniture shop.

I just remember i have to go for SAF band concert.... sigh, cannot play maple liao.
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Just came back from concert. Yet another noisy one, but then the piece are so chiem. SOmehow my ears don't really suit this kind of band sound. Eeks. But those with hearing problems can go there. Sure can hear everything. Expression are just lacking slightly for me. But then the conductor is a pro leh, who am i to comment. Ya, conductor is Ang Moh. Oversea one. Then got 2 guest soloist, one trumpet, one saxophone. PROS too.

My friends who were with me are those crappy ones too. Fun loh, joke about everything. And then, I behave a bit rapy today. Keep on Yo Yo here and Yo yo there. Then i keep on Hoooooo~~ I watch too much japanese variety show haaa. Thankz to my dreamy friend!!

Thats all folks

(sometimes, songs do reflect one's mood. And my current blog music reflects mine. Whenever theres happy people, there bound to be some sad ones. Well, it balances up. Most of my friends are happy.)

Slice of life

Get Organised

Some people thrive in chaotic conditions. You know, the ones who seem to be able to retrieve the document they need from the piles and heaps on their desks. For the rest of us though, working or living in a cluttered, disorganized environment can be very stressful.

Are you overwhelmed by your office? Paralysed by paper? Is your desk a disaster area? Are you doing anything about the situation? Spring cleaning once or twice a year doesn't count.

Clutter causes a life full of stress, frustration, and chaos, not to mention precious wasted time. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal reported that the average executive loses "six weeks per year" retrieving misplaced information from messy desks and files. The cost in lost productivity and salaries is enormous. Many small businesses spend more time dealing with piles of papers then growing the business.

By taking firm action to get organized, you will experience less stress and frustration, have more time in your life, gain control over your day, experience increased job satisfaction, and be a happier person.

Very often the biggest challenge to get organized is simply finding somewhere to start. When you are totally overwhelmed by clutter, even this first step can be daunting. Here are some ideas for you to start with:

First, decide that you are going to do whatever it takes to bring more order and flow into your life. Be committed. You can start small - ease yourself into it! Organise just one thing a day, or one thing a week. For example, this week, you could organise your computer files and next week, you could sort out a small drawer. You will start to see results from clearing just one small area. Remember that it takes 21 days to get into a new habit, so make sure that you take small, but consistent actions each day.

Next, block off a specific date and time to start organising your life. This is an appointment you cannot cancel and it will at least get you started. If you are feeling particularly brave, a more drastic way to start would be to purge. Grab a large trash bag, walk through your office or home and just be totally ruthless. Throw out everything you don't use, or give it away. By doing this, you can free up a load of space very quickly!

Happy organising!

23/5/06

2006-05-23T09:14:00.000+08:00

Today's slice of life have deep meaning for someone. Hope you're reading this cuz it'll help you in your rs.

And, i realise that i have many typos in previous post. I've made amendments to it. How can I type the word "love" when my mind was thinking of "low" faint. Weird.

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Everyone is flying here and there while i'm wasting my damn life trying to think of things to go. And, I'm wasting my life mapling, cuz trying to find a life. And yes, i met irritating people inside, i met people who cheat, i met people who fly, and those who are nice. but its just a game. argh.

My composition is 3 minutes plus. 1 minute fully completed. the last 2 minutes with melody hanging. Will find time to do up the rest. I like it, but i wonder if my audience do. Will see abt that.

Slice of Life

Jealousy

We all get jealous from time to time in our romantic relationships. It's only human, I suppose, and a bit of jealousy every now and then shouldn't be a problem; some people even believe that when you're jealous of someone spending time with your partner, it means that your feelings for him or her haven't faded.

But when jealousy involves severe and persistent fear and insecurity, it can destroy your relationship. This kind of jealousy is dangerous and powerful because it gnaws at you consistently, day and night, eating into your peace of mind, your time, and your ability to think about other things. It's a self-inflicted disease that, very often, has no basis in fact. And, as is most often the case, this kind of jealousy is ironically the very thing that eventually drives your partner away.

If you're worried about being replaced by somebody else, you probably suffer from some degree of low self-esteem. You don't have confidence in your own value and attractiveness and are constantly besieged by thoughts of someone usurping your position. Negative self-image can lead to self-defeating behaviours. It can cause people to act desperately and irrationally. It can end up controlling your life and straining your relationship.

Since jealousy has its root in low self-esteem, the first thing you have to do is work on your self-worth. Your feelings of inferiority probably stem from past experiences that conditioned you over time to believe consciously or subconsciously that you don't deserve happiness, love or success. Thinking that someone better and more attractive will eventually "steal" your partner is caused by the feeling that you don't deserve love; that you will ultimately lose in the romantic stakes.

Get the past out of the way. Seriously, stop believing in cliches like "history repeats itself". It need not. You have a choice. You can look forward to a better future, or keep imagining the worst.

Next, get in touch with and embrace your own uniqueness. That's what your partner fell in love with. That's what nobody else has. Re-connect with your authentic self and let it shine through. Don't get into the habit of comparing yourself with others or competing with others. When you aim to be like other people, you lose your own individuality. Your personality comes from your uniqueness. Find out what's missing in your life, and pursue it.

You will find that the more confident and secure you are about your place in the relationship, the more important and attractive you'll be to your partner. Insecurity and jealousy are very unsightly features on any person.

22/5/06

2006-05-22T19:24:00.000+08:00

Went to settle the grad gown at the photo studio today. Dear friends, you can call them to book appointment to get the gown. Went with mum, and settled the photo taking day. Why I so gan jiong? Settle everything fast fast. And.... the photo taking cost a bomb. I think i know how to answer my friends when they ask me:"why didn't you go travel?" When you see the price of the photos, you'll know. When a person is not as rich as other people, that person has to make choices to where he wants to put his limited resources. I am a person who needs to make choices everyday. I'm not as fortunate as some people.... I work for my living.

I then went to sim lim to get some micro filter. The singnet guy told me i need to get microfilter for all my phone sockets before i can call and play my internet at the same time.... thats.... argh expensive haa. Ya, i got my things and.... one of the connection line between microfilter and the socket is faulty... just my luck. Luckily my father offered to get the line for me. I no need to go down to get myself.

I feel so zombotic again. Fever is coming. I know it. Illness comes in this sequence, emotional/psychological-->physical. I need to cure my dark eye rings before wed's photo taking session. Oh ya, I look cool in the grad gown. But it seems just so big. That person told me its like that. Sigh. And I thought my head is growing bigger... but i had to take the smallest hat (donno what you call that lah). I can call myself Pea brain from now on.

(I have an unfinished composition. But i didn't have the heart to finish it. Why... FOr whom do i compose for now? THere is only hatred in me, how to compose a sweet piece?)

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Someone said i got cheated by the photo studio.... i so sad. Now listening to 7th night of july, the eupho and saxophone solo part. I wonder why no band in singapore can play like how the recording sound.... passionato con amour. You can't find love in singapore. Everywhere there are people cheating and people got cheat. I even got cheated in maple.... And the person who said i got cheated left me hanging, without saying a bye. How sad can that be?

I know those two things above don't link. Well, it shouldn't be. Tomorrow i try to put all my time into my new composition... provided my maple craving don't come. My Assasin is now level 32. I like the haste spell. But it sux now. spell at level 3 only... sigh. Oh ya, I'm a low budget leveller, so if you party me, don't expect to have fast experience boost.

21/5/06

2006-05-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

I finally found my voice back. For some time, I thought my voice box can't sustain a tone.

Went for band today. Suddenly saw an email saying that an outing was cancelled. Then I have to eat dinner myself... sigh. Well, eatting at Westmail isn't a bad choice. I still like to walk shopping mall.

20/5/06

2006-05-20T16:54:00.000+08:00

Worst 3 days of my life.

I'm lucky to know a friend who can brighten people's life. Draw!!

Slice of life

Repairing Your Marriage (Part 2)

No marriage is perfect, and though not all couples will get into vehement brawls every once in a while, disagreement is bound to occur now and then. The important thing therefore is not avoiding fights completely, but learning how to recover from them.

In the last programme, we talked about some ways to repair your marriage after damage done by conflict, like giving a simple but sincere apology and confiding the feelings underlying the outbursts like fear or embarrassment.

It's also important to try to understand your spouse's point of view. Empathy doesn't mean you have to agree with what your partner is saying; it simply means you acknowledge how he or she feels. Very often, just knowing that you understand where your spouse is coming from is enough to defuse the tension. For example, you could say things like "I see what you mean; I never thought about it that way".

Next, accept some responsibility for your part in the conflict. In any struggle, no one party is completely innocent. By your action or inaction, past indiscretions or fears, both of you have made moves to contribute to the current problem. When you refuse to assume any responsibility, you're closing up, being defensive and self-righteous instead of being open and understanding.

When you're open, you seek compromise. You look for similarities instead of differences. Once you're on common ground, it becomes easier to work on the most important issues at hand instead of getting carried away by the negative emotions and petty jibes. For instance, both of you may want to discipline the kids but have different ways of doing so.

And commit to behaviour that continues to bring the relationship increasingly mature and fulfilling levels. Saying "sorry" but repeating the offending behaviour just smacks of hypocrisy. Make sure that you mean to change and take concrete steps towards improving the situation. You could, for example, say things like "I promise not to linger in bed after the alarm has gone off" or "I'll stop after two drinks" and do it. In fact, if you can under-promise and over-deliver, even better!

Very often, love brings two people together, but a sad lack of conflict management skills drives them apart. Any happy, loving couple can become victims of their own ignorance and arrogance. I hope these marriage-saving tips will serve you and your spouse well.

19/05/06

2006-05-19T12:59:00.000+08:00

I snapped. Took the path to insanity... I'm lucky to turn around at the last moment. I had to clear up the mess i made in my room.... No one was there.... no one. No one knows what happened. Not even my mum... who shut her door after i said how i feel. The scene... which i too dread when i recall it. I thought i lost my sense of speech. No one cared. I snapped.

When all my friends are having fun travelling and going for all the gatherings. I'm here, typing this, with my hands shaking. I don't want to say anything. I just want to type. I want to run away from home. Its not a peaceful place. Its not the home I think it should be. No one knows how to communicate here. No one.

Through this experience... I know, I'm much more unstable than i thought.

Slice of life

Repairing Your Marriage (Part 1)

All couples fight to some degree and in various manners, but the difference between those that last and those that break apart is the ability to repair the subsequent damage.

Couples are united by love but sundered by their weak skills at relationship maintenance. Love is a spontaneous, fulfilling emotion and we don't need to learn how to love someone (not in the initial stage anyway); it just comes naturally. But how many of us truly know how to handle the ill feelings, cold wars and emotional disengagement arising from conflict? Given enough time to accumulate and simmer, these insidious emotions could wreck any happy couple.

That's why acquiring the skills to repair the damage done by clashes is so crucial in a marriage. In life we cannot avoid hurt, but we can learn how to heal.

Most of us go into relationships "blind", that is, not fully comprehending what's required to forge a rewarding, lasting bond. And so we're bound to make follies; after all, we all have our bad days, stress from other sources, or simply judge a situation poorly. Rather than ignoring the issue or your partner or allowing the anger to seethe, try fixing it.

If you feel that you're more clearly the offender, don't hold on stubbornly to that olive branch. And if your spouse is the more evidently at fault, don't sit on your high horse - be ready to accept any apology or atonement. You know it's not easy to admit you're wrong, and if your spouse does it sincerely, that shows that he or she truly cares about you and wants to mend bridges.

Here are some ways you can begin to repair the wreckage resulting from a bad crash.

First (and I bet you're thinking this too), apologise. A simple and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship. Beware of overdoing it though; too many too often appears insincere and can backfire on you.

Then, try confiding feelings. Very often, conflict occurs because of deep insecurities and latent fears. Your partner is more likely to empathise with you if he or she knew these feelings, but obviously they can't tell unless you tell them. For example, you may be just really worried about the kids when you lost your cool. Express these concerns.

Join me in the next programme as we continue to explore more tools to repair your marriage.

18/5/06

2006-05-18T10:12:00.000+08:00

We did it.... the last resort. The morning started in a big fury inside me. I can't help it but to scold F**K. Damn it.

First thing in the morning, mum requested me to lodge a complain to housing board. She said:"你是读书人，他们会比较听你的。我是auntie,没有力的." Ok, since this is what she wanted. I told her, 后果是怎样的我可不管。We went down and talked to one of the personnel there. She was really friendly. Lucky for that. Cuz my blood was already boiling. I could contain my temper.... but when I have no choice, I will have to release it somehow, and I don't talk nicely when I need to lodge a complaint. Assertive as it was.

Yes, I told her quite a bit, even regarding my old neighbours in our old flat. My mum said:"你做什么做么笨，没有脑？跟人家讲这样多?" So much for the favour i'm doing her. And yes, I told housing board to talk to the neighbours in a way to make them aware that staying in harmony and peace is important. And perhaps suggest to them ways to minimise noises by placing carpets and chairs with wheels. My mum scolded me too. I got so pissed and i told her. ”I don't solve problems through force and scolding. That is not what i learn. What you want me to tell them? Go up and F**K their mother?" I think i surprised my mum. Diam Diam after that.

She wanted to go food court for breakfast. I got so boiled inside i don't even feel like eating... but still dragged to eat. I can't talk straight cuz i was regulating my breathing. Everytime i get angry, my eyes get watery. I think my lungs are too active. Do you guys know that tears are triggered of by lungs? THat is true.

That is why i don't like to get angry because i tear. People might think that i'm tearing and i'm soft. Sorry, I'm not. I'm so angry that I don't want to let it out cuz i know that when volcano erupts, its not going to do things good. I'm just so pissed now that I　ｎｅｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｃｏｍｐｏｓｅ　ｐｉｅｃｅ　ｔｏ　ｃａｌｍ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ｄｏｗｎ．　ＤＡｍｎ．
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Volcanoe erupted. I feel like shit now. Must guys show their anger before girls can shutup? I don't have a very nice temper, so beware me. Oh yes, upstairs did it again. What triggered me to shout at the top of my voice (yes, echo can be heard) towards the rear window was that my mum actually closed the toilet door and shouted (not as loud as me) some cursing thing. "If want to shout, shout directly upwards lah", i thought. So, I "roared" 3 times until that stupid banging sound from above stopped. I feel like shit, but the whole day was peaceful then. I just wan some peace....

Totally shit feeling as i sat in front of the comp, trying to maple and trying to compose music. Shit. Died in maple at level 26. Wasted 5% experience....

I went to jogged. This time, I aimed to kill myself but i didn't die. I ran 3 rounds again. Wanted to see if i would fall down and collapse down. If that happens, then i would most prob wake up to find myself in a hospital. That would be a sweet sight. Then the whole family would turn sweet again?

Why! Why! Why must there be problems before happy things come? I'm still waiting for my neighbours to make more noise from above, so that i can use this as an excuse to take my hammer, and knock the hell OUT OF THE BLOODY BASTARDS UP THERE WHO CAUSE HAVOC TO MY FAMILY!!!!

(oh yes i didn't mention this, we talked nicely to our dear neighbours for many times and guess what..... "I didn't do it, its upstairs", "oh its the day, so i can make noise", "no its the kids", and all the arrogant attitude. The more i think of it, the more I want to take hammer to hammer my ceiling)

I need a psychologist.
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Slice of life

STORIES - The Caterpillar's Voice

Once upon a time a caterpillar crawled inside a hare's house when the hare was away, and set about making himself comfortable. When the hare returned home, he noticed new marks on the ground going into the cave. He called, "Who's in my house?"

The caterpillar boomed, "It is I! Yes, I who crushes rhinos to the earth and tramples elephants into dust!"

The hare hopped about, crying, "What can a small animal like me do with a creature who crushes rhinos and tramples elephants?"

He soon met a jackal, and asked the jackal to talk to the terrible creature who had taken possession of his home and to convince him to leave. The jackal agreed, and when they reached the place, he barked loudly and said, "Who is in the house of my friend the hare?"

The caterpillar replied, "It is I! Yes, I who crushes rhinos to the earth, and tramples elephants into dust!" On hearing this, the jackal thought, "Certainly I can do nothing against such a creature," and he quickly left.

The hare then fetched a leopard, a rhinoceros, and even an elephant. All their hearts shrank when they heard the caterpillar's menacing claim. None of them dared to challenge this fearsome creature with the earth-shaking voice.

In despair by this point, the hare asked a frog passing by if he could possibly make the creature who had frightened all the other animals leave his house. The frog went to the cave door and asked who was inside. He received the same reply as had been given to the others. Then the frog went nearer and shouted, "I, who am the strongest of all, have come at last. I am the one who crushes those who crush the rhinos! I am the one who tramples underfoot those who trample the elephants!"

When the caterpillar inside the hare's cave heard this, he trembled. He inched out of the hare's den along its edge, trying not to be noticed. But the animals who had collected around the hare's house seized the caterpillar and dragged him out. "What, you?" they all cried in disbelief.

"I would never dream of staying in that cave!" said the caterpillar with his nose in the air. "An echo like that is far too crude for a refined creature like myself!" As he sniffed away, all the other animals laughed at the trouble he had given them.

Many of our fears and worries sound much larger and more frightening than they really are.

17/5/06

2006-05-17T09:00:00.000+08:00

I dedicate this to someone.

Kiss Goodbye
歌手：王力宏 | 作曲：王力宏
填詞：王力宏 | 編曲：王力宏/吳慶隆

Baby不要再哭泣　這一幕多麼熟悉
緊握著妳的手彼此都捨不得分離
每一次想開口　但不如保持安靜
給我一分鐘專心好好欣賞妳的美

幸福搭配悲傷　同時在我心交叉
挫折的眼淚不能測試愛的重量
付出的愛收不回　還欠妳的我不能給
別把我心也帶走去跟隨

＊每一次和妳分開　深深地被妳打敗
　每一次放棄妳的溫柔　痛苦難以釋懷
　每一次和妳分開　每一次Kiss You Goodbye
　愛情的滋味此刻我終於最明白＊

幸福搭配悲傷　同時在我心交叉
挫折的眼淚不能測試愛的重量
付出的愛收不回　還欠妳的我不能給
我才明白愛最真實的滋味
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Today was really full of activities. I haven't said so much for a long time. Oh yes, I turned myself to chatty mode during a gathering with 2 of my great friends. Chat sky, chat sea. Haaa. Great Coffee (someone said its chocolate leh)!! Its really good to find out more about..... heee more friends. Erm, please don't say until i so good, cuz i am at times selfish and no nice to people.

When I got back home, I really want to slim down!! I went jogging!! And this time, I can fly!! Haa cuz I wore my weights out for the gathering earlier on. And I jogged 3 rounds around the neighbourhood, 50% more of my usual. At the end of it, I was "raining" heavily. When I got back at my door step, I could see.....

I saw my mum hitting the ceiling using something. I was outside. I thought "oh man, stupid neighbours from on top again". I didn't know what caught me haa but I chatted with my mum about it, in a semi assertive way. I wanted her to cool down and try to use other ways of solving problems. I somehow brought up some religious way of cooling people down eeks i thought (Yes i'm a free thinker but I gather learnings from 2 major religions in SG). It was a nice session cuz I did cool my mum down. It has been a long time since I try to solve people's emotion unbalance... since sec school? hmm haa.

I used 3 methods. 1, using rational approach by telling how bad it is to get angry, cuz we are suffering ourselves when we get angry. 2, the reverse approach by showing her that i'm more angry than her with the current situation. 3, how to turn bad situations into a positive one through reverse thinking. (I'm not a qualified psychologist, my friend is.... soon)

Oh ya, I blurt out some things to my mum also. haa. I told her I nearly got into a gang during secondary school days. I'm not as guai as i look. EVEN HER THINK THAT I EMIT A CLASSY FEELING. I tell her, I'm as normal as any kampong kid. Since secondary school days, I've always been around those ah bengs, ah lians. I'm a middle bridge between the "bad" and "good" (I bracketed it because there are no absolute bad and good, cuz bad people can be good and good people can be bad, meaning sometimes ah bengs do good things).

Although i was a prefect back then, I do mix around with ah bengs cuz i feel more comfortable with them. I talk their way, I think their way, I try to put some positive thoughts into them. (I don't walk like them though). SOmeone from a gang even asked me to join them but..... a day later he said:"I think you too guai, don't want to spoil your life" (I could remember the exact words). If I got in, I don't think i will be who i am today. Thank god.

Yes, I told my mum i could scold vulgarities as well as any ah bengs out there. I could shout as loud as anyone out there (I was the loudest ass in uniform groups during sec school days, my bandmembers couldn't stand my voice). I told her:"give me a hammer, I'll knock a hole out of the ceiling if they make somemore noise!" (reverse psychology? But I will really do it if need to). I even offered to go upstairs and talk to the noisy people. But my mum scared i do stupid things haaa. Actually I got a way of talking it out haa, too bad cannot try.

If all else fails, housing board will be the last resort. I always think that problems between 2 parties should be solved by themselves. Bringing a 3rd party in means the 2 parties sux lah, cannot talk.

I think i talk too much haaa. Ops, here is the end.

Slice of Life

Your Breath As Focus

One of the disadvantages of living in such a stimulation-rich world is our loss of focus. In an environment where we are consistently being bombarded with messages, worries, judgements, deadlines and so on, it's very easy for us to lose touch of what's truly important to us. Have we been influenced, or "brain-washed" to live lives that we don't really find fulfilling, simply because we've been told to, people expect us to, or which we've been conditioned to believe is good or right?

Are you continuing in an unrewarding, dead-end job because you think you need the money? Are you in a relationship because you can't bear being alone? Do you try to accommodate everybody's desires because you think that makes you more likeable? Do you speak, behave, dress or even think in a certain way because it presents the least amount of resistance? Do you even ask yourself what you truly want anymore?

Stuart Wilde, noted author of "The Winds of Change", tells us of what he terms 'the tribe'. We all belong to a tribe, so to speak - a group of peers that we can relate to in some way or other. We may be single, a father, Hindu, Eurasian, a sales executive, a daughter, a member of a certain church, a teacher, a politician, and so on. And each group we belong to dictates, to a certain extent, what we will think, what we will wear, where we are to live, how we make a living. It will try to keep us in a tidy little box.

Being part of the human tribe keeps us all working very hard just to make a living, while media messages keep our minds directed at purchasing. As a result, what happens to the bulk of our hard-earned savings? Yes, you guessed it. It goes into stuff we don't really need. Stuff that doesn't fulfill us on a deeper level.

One good and simple way for us to connect and grow with our inner self is through the breath. The breath is vital to your life. Breath is used to relax the body and mind, to take us to a high state of peace, to change our energy, our outlook, and thus our experiences.

Let's say that your spouse comes home after a bad day at work. You only got home not long before yourself. Your loved one does not seem so loving, and responds curtly to you. What do you do? Your day wasn't any easier. Do you jump into the tension of the situation? Or do you take a moment to breathe, re-focus your energy and create a better environment?

There is always a chance to change - to make a different choice. By consciously taking a breath and focusing on it, your mind gets a moment to refresh. By using your breath as a focusing tool, rediscover what it truly means to be you, to live and to love.

16/5/06

2006-05-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

My broadband life started today!! So fast, so cool, so durable!! No more 1 hr auto dc syndrome. No more lag lag until cannot take item on the ground in maple. No more MSN cannot transfer big files. No more alot and alot and alot!!

Today went to ktv with a friend. Wow, I really enjoyed it, with alot of shouting and trying to act cool with my voice box haaa. I sing really really really loud. All our ears turned so muffled after we left the place.

Tomorrow, my chair is coming!! No more smelly chair!! I actually went to Courts to take a look at my chair-to-be and my name is written on it!! BUt the bad thing is that its still on display.... I want to complain!!! Wasted my compliments for Courts. Since its sold, why still display it..... sux. I'll ask my mum to check its condition totally tomorrow. EEKS!

Oh yeah!! Sing my life! Kiss Goodbye!! hmm....

Slice of Life

The Broken Window

The Broken Window principle states that the smallest but most visible part of something can be the most effective tool for improvement if you show that you CARE.

This concept stems from the idea of a house that gets its window broken. If the window doesn't get mended within a reasonable time, it represents the apathy of the owner, or simply that the people who would've cared are no longer there.

Regular passers-by begin to expect that the broken window will never be mended. In time, no one even notices it. But a deep mental note is taken - that nobody cares.

Before long, petty thieves have looted whatever they can, miscreants have used the house for all sorts of illegal activities, pests have overrun the place, and the structure of the house has begun to deteriorate. Nobody even remembers the broken window, but it was the broken window that started it all.

But what if the broken window had been mended? And had been continually mended each time it was broken?

The book "The Tipping Point" tells the true story of the Chicago underground train system in the 60s. By 1970, it had become a den for troublemakers. Mugging, gangsterism, and drug trafficking were rampant once the night set in. The trains were smeared inside-out with obscene graffiti.

The Chief of the railways wanted to get it all straight. Do you know what they started with? The graffiti. They had only one objective - come what may, a train having graffiti will not leave the main terminal. They had gangs of inspectors to spot graffiti and cleaned it all up before the train would leave the main terminal. Some troublemakers would come at night to write graffiti when the train was in the yards. In the early mornings, inspectors would clean up the graffiti. No graffiti would see the light of the day.

Slowly, things started improving. People began to take notice. People began to care. People began to object to miscreants writing graffiti in trains. Others took active interest in keeping the trains and train stations and the urinals clean. The number of available dark places was reduced. Trains began to run on schedule. Crime faded. In six years, the whole underground underwent complete transformation. That is the power of the broken window.

Find the tiniest, most neglected, but visible area of a problem - whether it's an undesirable personality, a wayward community, a relationship, or a disillusioned organisation - find it, keep working on it and everything else will fall into place.

15/5/06

2006-05-15T12:57:00.000+08:00

The mummy's boy (me) went out with mum again. This time, in search of a nice chair for myself. My current one, smells, stinks, turned colour, and too boring looking. Went to balastier area for a search cuz mum say that there are shops there. In the end, the shop was so small, the display so dull, the shop colour sux. Worst of all, its an office furniture store..... Audience (me) targeting the wrong store....

I'm a little picky with store display, design, products quality, customer service standards haa. No wonder I want to focus on the retailing sector for audit haa. I love to comment on these things. I'll sulk at a lousy shop haa.

Anyway, after all the disappointment, both of us went back to toa payoh courts to take a closer look at a chair that we saw yesterday. Its a dark, fierce looking cool executive chair. And its damn cheap too for its quality and style!! So we asked the staff there for help but...... we found out its the last piece there.... and worst still, other outlets were also left with display sets.... I was soooo sad.

However, the staff was so friendly to help us ask for a discount for the display set. We got a HUGE discount!! On top of that, FREE delivery home (originally have to pay for it)!! I applaude loudly in my heart!! Overall, saved 70 bucks. Customer-centric service. Courts is going to be one of my number 1 list in customer service for funiture shop. For dining, I recommend pizza hut in Jurong point. For ktv, i recommend Marina square for place design, lunch quality and sound system quality (oh level 8 cineleisure impressed me too).

I'm a difficult customer to handle. So if you guys open any shop in the future, beware of me!!

14/5/06

2006-05-14T19:19:00.000+08:00

Hey remember that I mentioned about a business idea? Well, I just saw on the news that China already has it but on a slightly different concept from mine. The concept shown on the news is a mobile pub. A bus modified into a pub/disco... Cool. haa. I guess my idea isn't that new afterall.

Oh ya today is mama's day. But mama and papa threw me at home.... So I mapled most of the time... level 20 liao. Another slacky day haaa. Kinda getting used to it. Oh ya, I went for a jog. I need to reduce my butt size now. My working pants was a little tight when i wore it yesterday for the wedding dinner haaa. ops. Ok, jogging everyday until work starts muahha.

I'm really glad to be invited by a bandmate for another gathering. Although I don't really belong to that band but then its nice for them to treat me like family. Haa I may have behaved like a weird guy there but, I guess they got used to it ha. And its SWENSENs!! Ice cream!! Choco!! YUMMY!

Today is sunday right? Da ge Da time!! This time, I can watch it without examination threat going through my mind. MUAHAHAA. Enjoy.

Waiting for the next set of Naruto DvDs to be available. :)

Oh ya, forgotten to mentioned that yesterday, two of my friends and I created a havoc in Suntec Toys r us. Wow!! I didn't know that kids toys can be so fun for old people like me!! haa. We went to a soft toy section and stayed there like half an hr, making stupid story lines and R rated scenes.... Ya. Well, not very R but its damn funny lah. Example, there is this rabbit ears that we can put on our head. We clipped that onto a soft toy and put it on top of a shelf. Its so dumb because that soft toy and the ears don't match!! Another example, there is a soft toy lying on the top shelf with legs out of the shelf, straight. We took a tortise and placed it in between the legs and hang it out of the shelf. I don't know how to describe it properly.... I don't have a pictorial illustration also.... sigh haa. But nvm, you just imagine its the funniest toy story. One uncle looked at us, giving us a weird look. Oh ya, we also saw the ugliest toad that looks like the one in Naruto. Cool!!

I saw nice nice cat soft toy. It looks so innocent and as though it has "bring me home" on its facial expression. Cute!

13/5/06

2006-05-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

Today went out the whole day. Now i'm a bit incoherent due to alcohol influence so pardon my english.

A Secondary school band mates gathering for lunch. Fish and Co. I really miss the fish and chips there. Tasted so good. After the meal, went to starbucks to sit down and chat. Not much people, only 7. Some left halfway. Laughed alot, very fun. Then walked walked in suntec. Trying to waste time till 7pm. Cuz I have to attend wedding dinner at night.

Wedding dinner. My same age friend. Wow, first same age guy to get married. Congrats him sia. I drank 4 half cups of Merlot. I could recognise the taste haaa. Although the meal wasn't much but then the bridegroom was really nice to us. visit our table now and then. And, he drank even much more. Wow. Bridegroom really need to train alcohol capacity before getting married. Sure pengs after the celebration. For myself, I nearly pengs also. I'm not good with alcohol. Now feel so sleepy.

Someone asked me if I would say the truth when i get drunk. I'm more of the silent kind. Inside me too much sorrow, everytime i drink, I'll feel the effect inside me. I'll just keep quiet. No one can get the truth out of me. I have confirmed this haa. No matter how drunk I am, I will still be able to think (I tried to attribute this findings to all guys but... i guess it varies from person to person). Yes, my pattern is stay quiet after drinking.

Come to think of it, my friend got married so soon. Somehow I would feel a bit... you know. A failure I am. The person whom I thought would stay forever, left... The person who I have feelings for... didn't feel the same for me. I'm glad the person is happy now.

I nearly can't come home just now. Took 57 from my future workplace bus stop. I was suppose to alight at my house there but i fell asleep halfway. When I woke up, I was in Bishan interchange. Damn. I took the last train back to toa payoh. Halfway through the train, I got the puking sensation.... luckily i have plastic bag with me (a lesson learnt.... every time drinking, bring a plastic bag along. Don't dirty people's place.... I still feel bad for someone's car.). I managed to survive home and type my blog for tonight.

Thats all for all the disclosure.... its time for me to move on. Focusing on work in one mth's time. Those who are attached.... cherish it!! I wish everyone all the best.

*puking sensation comes again.... damn. Endure.

I don't care how future is like. I'm gonna enjoy every bits of it, even if its just work. To infinity and beyond!! (toy story)

*I survived without puking !! So proud...
*I wanted to msg someone yesterday but i guess its not fair to msg in that kind of state ha. Typed msg and deleted it without sending. Hmm that only happens in movies? haa

12/5/06

2006-05-12T08:47:00.000+08:00

What do dreams show? The second morning, I woke up with a slight sourness inside, because I saw you. Has it ended? Dragged on inside for years, and should have ended as war ended. It should have ended so many times when I gathered reliable evidence from the initial inquiry, subsequent observation and finally online documentation (this evidence has less reliability now). However, I just can't help to think otherwise. I'm suffering from judgment bias here. I need to use debiasing technique to reduce anchoring heuristic effect.

There is, but, one more thing to confirm. This time, evidence will be gathered through external confirmation. When it is done, I would have gathered enough sufficient appropriate evidence to reduce the risk of material misjudgment to a level low enough for me to issue an opinion on a positive basis. When there is a limitation of scope for the external confirmation, I will have to treat it as pervasive and issue a disclaimer of opinion. I doubt limitation of scope is going to happen

When above procedures end, I will then sing 李圣杰's 你们要快乐。 My eyes might become a reflection instrument but i'll be glad.

Come to think of it... The order was all jumbled up haa. Maybe thats why..... maybe....
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External confirmation obtained. Opinion is issued. I can finally declare, the end of the chapter in NTU. Awaiting the new chapter to start. I think its time to recap my "achievements" in NTU. People always said that I made myself so busy but actually to some, maybe not that much things done anyway. Here is the list (its for memory purposes).

1) GE AUs = 26, including 15 points for minor, 8 points for Business modules and, 3 points for a music module

2) Taught in 2 Primary school bands as assistant conductor.

3) Performed concerts with Westwinds (annual concerts + lots of public performances + a combined concert with NIE band + WASBE conference held in Singapore), Moulmein wind ensemble (1 concert), NUS band (2 concerts), NTU band (1 concert: Music from the hearts), Potong Pasir CC band (2 public performances).

4) Westwinds community series to teach music in various secondary schools (3 schools)

5) Composed about 8 original pieces.

6) Picked up singing as a side hobby, started by a someone, and later carried on by another friend.

7) Picked up basic guitar because of that someone, stopped playing it due to certain events, and carried on after the effects of that event died down.

8) Internship in my dream company.

Well, i guess thats not very exciting for most people. And I bet others would have had more exciting and more valuable activities for themselves. For me, I value what I experienced, lots.

I classify my University life into 3 different phases. One, from the start of university to the period before the first semester exam. Two, from the end of semester two exam to today. Three, from the time I went into NUS band till the end of my second concert with them. All signify big things. So big....

The three year agreement is also going to end soon. (If you are reading this, I still remember that. But I guess everything is clear even before the time comes.)

I'm also glad to be acquainted with a professor, who is a teacher, mentor, and a friend to me. Maybe I may meet him again in the future.

Thats end of summary..... for me, myself and my own.
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Today's activities was really really fun. Walked alot alot alot with mum. First, we took bus to Chinatown, planning to grab some karaoke dvds from there because its really really cheap there. But the store..... I think i overrated the ease with which things can be found. I can't find what I wan lah. We decided to go to the place where my mum can't remember the name. So I thought its marina square. We headed there by bus, cuz i insisted to use my concession fully. But we went 3 bus stops before we found the bus..... and we took the wrong side.....

We went to the interchange outside SGH.... and took another bus to.... the bus stop outside VCH. Walked all the way to Esplanade, to Marina square.... then my mum said its not there. And I realised the place was Suntec.... so walked to suntec. Then found the place... its carrefour.... lots of DVDs...!!

Decide to go home after that... wanted to take Mrt because my legs were giving way.... but in the end decided to take bus.... and walked all the way back to esplanade through Marina square again.... took bus back.... legs "damaged".

Hmm so, this holiday will be a singing holiday for me. Stay at home to just enjoy what I like. Muhahaha. Sorry, me still not expert in singing and i kept losing control of my voice in high pitches. But then, thats the fun part haaa.

Oh ya, I just levelled to 16 for my thieve. Thats fast i think. 2 days haa. And someone partied me and amazingly helped me too... cuz i was cheated by someone to increase his fame. He said trade, so I up his.... he didn't up me and kept denying that he didn't know anything.... a weird character with a green power ranger outfit haa. Anyway that guy who helped me, defamed him twice backed to his normal level. Twice because I believed he asked another person to up his fame also. So, he wanted to prove his innocent and purposely died in front of me..... I was like.... omg. What for sia.... and, i didn't want to pursue it cuz i can't do anything also mah. But that guy who helped me was so persistent in it and said:"I hate dishonest people". Cool, salute him. He became my first buddy in my list. Oh ya, this character is in the CASS server. Decided to move there because a friend is playing there haaa. Cool!!

Suddenly alot of players in that map was nice to me. I feel a bit weird. Haaa CASS players more civilised than Aquila's one? Nah haaa, I think i just met nice people today. Fun fun!
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As i looked through the MTVs in those Dvds, I just felt so connected. The images, coupled with the lyrics showing on the screens.... just entered me, directly. Another meaningful MTV, JJ's 简简单单。

11/5/06

2006-05-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

End of war, peace alas.
Back to the old days with no directions.
War was unbearable. How about peace?

Autumn leaves fall as the wind blows lightly.
The rustling of the leaves became the only audible sound.
Pacing every step, through the sunny yet cold realm.

Lived like no tomorrow during war.
Now, counting tomorrow.
1 day, 2 days, 3 days.... 1 mth.

Count.... counting.

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1st day of holiday and.... it is already boring to me already. I really don't like this. There aren't any productive things done today. I'm just feeling a bit weird changing to this current lifestyle.

I just realised how big the difference can be when one isn't needed anymore. Its time for me to find something to keep myself occupied. Music? Games? Learn Jap language? Shop? Sing? Maple? Reinforce my audit knowledge before work comes (crazy)?

Yes, nothing exciting anymore. 1 mth plus of slacking.... might kill me. Well, thats life. Busy also complain, slack also complain.

Today's activities..... Its time to settle the academic dress for graduation. I called to ask and the person told me they don't have any stock yet so no point going down to try sizes. So for those NTU people, wait till 20th May then call to ask. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read your ntu email.

Then I cut my hair, signifying the releasing of unnecessary worries and problems arising from exams. All gone for good.

Then I went to register for Broadband. I think I can't use NTU email after I graduate so, its time! Everything set up and ready for action when they activate the line.

Then I cleared up my books and stuffs and throw whatever that needs to be thrown, and tidied my room. Free from school books now.

Then I decide to donate ten bucks to the school's general fund when someone from NTU called.

Thats all! Oh ya, I just created a new maple character (a thief) and levelled to level 12...... (no life sia).

I'm expecting my other friends to have a more exciting life now cuz all planning to fly here fly there. Haa happy travelling. I guess I chose my life this way. So be it. Live up to my name as a nerd. haa. Thats a compliment to me.

Slice of Life

A SLICE OF LIFE - Micro-Management Addiction (Part 1)

Most micro-managers would never admit it, but micro-management is an addiction. It's a dependence on controlling others, fussing about minor details, and being concerned about the way things are done rather than in the results achieved. Micro-managers typically ask for status, data and reports from their subordinates more often than they could possibly need for constructive intervention. They tend to double check people's work, always on the lookout for something wrong.

This kind of behaviour is a sign of a manager in trouble - a supervisor who routinely points out minor flaws and spends all his time trumping up his efforts at fixing them, while not having the faintest idea of how the organization can advance as a whole. This kind of manager attempts to mask the symptoms but doesn't think about finding the cure.

Urge for control is a symptom of fear, insecurity, lack of confidence and lack of trust. The root cause of micro-management, basically, is Fear. Fear of appearing incompetent, fear of losing one's position or authority, fear that one's subordinates may take over one's role or importance.

Whether you yourself are showing signs of micro-managing others or it's one of your middle managers, it's important to realize that micro-management is hurting your organization. It jeopardizes employees' job satisfaction. There is no room left for advancement of the subordinates, as the micro-manager-boss does not relinquish responsibilities. This gives rise to resentment among employees. Sub-ordinates are so afraid of the constant criticism and so fed up with the constant follow up of the boss that they no longer take enough interest. Creativity dries up. Motivation level drops with plummeting morale. Productivity becomes the obvious victim.

Micro-management is a management strategy with great or excessive control with attention to too many details. Micro-managers manage with rules, formulas, data, laid-down procedures, straightjacket budgets, and financial ratios. They are so involved in the details of what happens in the organization that they do not have time for doing the strategic plan and obviously they miss the big picture.

If you are micro-managing, you obviously feel insecure about something. It could be your company's disappointing results, it could be pressure from higher level managers, it could be that you're afraid of being replaced, of losing your job. Whatever the case, understand that micro-managing is not the solution. It eats away at your workers, it eats away at you, and it's killing your organization.

Join me in the next programme as we look at how micro-managers can kick their addiction.

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Slice of Life

Attracting the Right People

Why do we seem to attract the same type of people or situations over and over again? Why do you meet the people you meet? Why do you consistently get yourself into positions or places where you feel frustrated or powerless?

Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, has thought about these questions.

Well, our relationships are reflections of what we desire in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. When we communicate to the creative centre in our mind that we only deserve this much, that we are not worthy of better people or better things, then that's just what we get. You attract what you think about, what you believe.

All of our relationships with friends, romantic partners, co-workers and even casual acquaintances tell us something about ourselves. When we recognize and pay attention to the teachings of the people around us, we have the opportunity to improve our circumstances and ourselves.

So how can you attract more fulfilling, mature and lasting relationships?

Begin by writing down what's lacking in your relationships or what's irritating you. By creating this list of what doesn't make you feel good, you can learn to focus on what you actually do want from your connections with other people. It can also help you begin making small changes in the kind of people you see as a potential mate or friend.

Acknowledge your gratitude for having these connections with other people. Rather than focusing on how much you want things to change, begin to focus on your relationships as learning about yourself. Using gratitude to convey that you are on your learning path can help communicate a sense of well being all through yourself that others can perceive as well. By focusing on what the other person is helping you with, you can shift your attention to their positive traits as well, thus allowing yourself to create a different reaction to being in this person's presence and allowing the connection to shift into a better relationship.

By choosing to recognize the learning experiences offered by our connections with other people, we can bring ourselves into better spiritual alignment with ourselves. This can enable us to live happier, healthier and more productive lives as well as create better relationships with other people. As you continue to work with these learning possibilities with others, you can create a different response to life, enabling yourself to feel more balanced and in tune with yourself and everything around you.

10/5/06

2006-05-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

THe last paper!!! I can't believe, its just those kind of very opinion based paper. Ya, everyone is going to do very well cuz its really...... a fun paper. No nightmares lah. Cuz even if really do badly also feel happy cuz its end of Uni life.!!! Pursuant to Sec 221 of the University Surviving Act (Caps 992), I declare, Ling WeiQiang of the Nerdy Party (NP) to be free of all University obligations, and be charged the duty to enjoy the holidays to the fullest for 1 mth before going into the next phase.

At the next phase, Ling WeiQiang will then have to succumb to the rules under the Torture Auditors Act (TAA), eat dinner after 8pm, work for more than 12 hrs a day, look at computer screen until the eyes pop out..... and many more.

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Celebrations, cheers and tonnes of emotions could be felt. Me, as usual, felt a bit crazy after everything ended. Its the high time!! Its the crazy time, ITs...... Crappy me back in action!!!

FIrst up, Pepper Lunch!!! Travelled all the way to Orchard with my long long time friends. But, original 6 people left 3. 2 suffered from the after effects of exam diagnosed to be insufficient sleep. 1 decided to shop for weird stuffs with other people. 3 person ordered the meal and we were suppose to cook it!! 1 left the table, leaving me trying to hold spoons on both of my hands and cook his food using the right hand, and cook my own one using my left hand. I felt like an octopus.

Second up, KTV!! We occupied the mics for a long time before the other 3 person came!! Oh ya, I ordered some liquor haaa. It has been long since i last tried to drown myself with those kind of things. It makes me, behave like myself in a clowny way. haaa. Ya and I think it helps with the singing cuz then I won't use too much strength to do unnecessary accents and awkward changing of notes. Anyway Out of tune sound is really fun haa. Its always the laughing-off the mistakes part that makes KTV fun. Oh ya, I move alot when I am drunk singing haaa. So, sit far away from me!!

Another joke during kTv was that I kept thinking that the actual singer's voice was on when one of my friends was singing.... the fact is that.... it was not. THe voice just sounded like the actual thing!! OMG. such talents haaa. Cool.

Oh yes, I enjoyed the duets with one of my friends..... still the best singing partner so far!! Kudos!! Wishing you all the best in future endeavours. Must stay happy.... MUST!

Third up, dinner at a..... donno what weird weird stall area in Taka. Its a Pasta thingy. Hmm but after that haaa I've come to realise, I don't suit pasta that well, although the thing tasted nice. Its nice because someone ordered it for me!! (I pay it myself hor haa don't mistaken that i eat free meal ah) I was so tired after the KTV that I don't feel like talking and moving. My bag was like 1 tonne heavy loh (I'm exageratting again!). Luckily my ankle weights training succeed. I could still run to catch my bus when I was in Toa Payoh Interchange.

Joke of the day!!! I don't know if i should say the details out but another friend, sent sms to me that gave me a reason to really want to laugh until the extent of wanting to punch someone, cuz its tooooooooo funny.!!! I laugh out so loud that my friends asked me what happened. I just said "so Funny, SO FUNNY!"

ok haaa thats about it!! Enjoy!! the Holidayus1!

Slice of Life

STORIES - True Wealth

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the purpose of showing his son how the poor people live so he could be thankful for his wealth.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."

9/5/06

2006-05-09T19:33:00.000+08:00

I've never been so serious about an exam paper before. Ya, i read. Read and read and read. I don't deny haaa. And I have friends to help me revise by asking me questions. But disclaimer here, Those answers i give are not proven to be correct. Its just based on what I know. Whatever it is, its the last lap. Giving my very best tomorrow. In high Spirits!!

Hmm when did slice of life become a business management class. Haa

Slice of Life

Micro-Management Addiction (Part 2)

Micro-management is a management strategy with great or excessive control with attention to too many details. Micro-managers expect their subordinates to deliver success but their interference assures failure. By keeping them pre-occupied with insignificant tasks, magnifying mistakes and trying to find scapegoats to blame, exploiting people instead of developing them, issuing endless directives verbally or in writing, being obsessed with paper-work instead of result, working unreasonably long hours and expecting others to follow suit, they not only harm themselves but the total organization.

So if you're turning to micro-managing in order to feel important or in control, how can you get out of the trap?

First and foremost, realize that you are not the sole guardian of the organization's welfare. It's a team effort, and if the right people are empowered to do their jobs, and indeed, allowed the time and space to do their jobs properly, then your company has a good fighting chance.

Stay focused and keep your employees focused on a clear vision of the company - where you want your company to go, what you want your company to achieve. Be ever vigilant of getting sucked into a time-and-energy-wasting whirlpool of trivial issues.

Grow into the leader you can be and stop hiding behind menial tasks. Successful managers chase opportunities and lead people to success. Make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen.

Delegate the day-to-day routine functions to make sufficient time to keep a tab on industry news, to study the competitors, to plan for the future - that's the strategic planning that will take your company further, not the day-to-day logistical, mechanical details. The danger is not some slip-up an employee may make; the real danger is the neglect of critical management functions.

Tolerate failures. Allow mistakes to happen. When people realize that they are not punished for risk taking, they will take more risks. Think which is more cost-effective. Allowing for mistakes by employees and encouraging them to fix their own problems? Or paying the price of de-motivated, resentful employees sabotaging you and all your good work?

And learn to praise rather than criticize. Nobody likes a micro-manager who makes them feel like kids in a kindergarten. You'll see your workers becoming happier and more efficient, you yourself will begin to feel better and more assured, and your organization will naturally do well.

8/5/06

2006-05-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

Just a few words for the exam today. Why Swap come out???? I don't know how to do.... Ya, told myself can copy from tx bk when it comes out but.... My -ve and +ve signs all wrongs!!! 0 marks for that..... in total, 25marks throw into rubbish bin. Once again, I figured out my mistakes after the exam.... straight after exam. How nice.

To consol myself, Tutor say do 3 questions can do well liao. But This time, it feels like my 206 again. Consol myself and get crap results in the end. This time, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

However, I find that paper challenging and fun. I do enjoy doing it if not for the fact that I'm being judge by that paper..... by all papers..... How can a person be judged by papers?? I cannot understand that..... argh.

Anyway, I'm waiting for the sun to go down so that I can job my anger of my dumbness out. Ha, last paper to go on Wed and I'm a free man. And its the last chance to see if I can create miracle in the last sem. "There can be Miracle, when you believe" ..... crap.

(The smile.)

7/5/06

2006-05-07T19:28:00.000+08:00

Eve of battle. Time is up, face the judgment. I've settled my mind. No matter the outcome, I've grown throughout these 3 years. From a man after army, to a professional..... (pro in appearance, not in fact). Its really a transformation. Its time for me to contribute to the society.... hmm auditor desn't contribute much right? Hmm, one way or another i'll find a way to contribute haa.

Tomorrow's outcome.... just treat it as a journey... Sulk also have to go through, smile also have to go through.... might as well go enjoy eve of battle haa. Its Da Ge Da time!!

Laugh the stress away haa.

6/5/06

2006-05-06T21:23:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I've enjoyed my day so much. Lots of fun and intelligence triggering conversations. I haven't tried seeing the school in its zombotic state before. Its a "devastating" view, empty and dry. So sad, so cold. Amidst the frozen sight, bombastic laughters could be hear from a radius of 1 mile (yes I'm exaggerating). How fun haaa.

I could never have done it alone. Thankz to all my friends, I have come to understand things better. Just when things are so complicated, we, most of the times, make ourselves even more confused. haaa thats fun loh.

The last 4 days. Its gonna be tough.

I also learnt that doing what you like in life is more important to do what you think is right. Very insightful things. I don't know. I may love music but I don't know if music should be tied to money. If I make music for survival, the love for music might turn into dread. I don't know. I still have to make my decisions. I might just have past the age to venture into music. I don't know if a late mover is good haaa.. And how would people think of musician in new age.... don't know.

Slice of Life

Great Expectations

Most of us these days live in a state of consistently seeking some newer, better fulfillment. This is the Age of Great Expectations - because we have so much choice and information, we learn to be disappointed with what we have fairly quickly and live in anticipation of something better "out there". We hardly take the time nor effort anymore to savour and enjoy what we already have. Rediscover our love for them, or find new things about them to love!

For instance, gone are the days when we searched all over for the record we wanted, nearly cried for joy when we finally found it, then listened to every track on the album over and over again and it became an essential audio-timestamp of that period in our lives. These days, we simply download whatever we want, scan through the tracks, and if nothing catches our fancy instantly, we move it to the Recycle Bin.

We have such low tolerance and patience these days! When something doesn't give us immediate gratification, we write it off as worthless, then move on to something else. We exist in a false hope of eventually finding The One that will make all of this searching and waiting worthwhile! This is true also of our relationships. Because we've grown up in a world of so many opportunities, we learn to keep looking out for the next and, we hope, bigger and juicier one.

This reminds me of a true story about a sailing vessel that got stranded with no wind in the Atlantic Ocean. All onboard were getting severely dehydrated and they were still hundreds of miles from port. Just when things were getting desperate, the crew from another clipper alerted them to the fact that they were floating on drinkable water! You see, the volume of flow of the Amazon River flowing into the Atlantic is so great that the river current carries fresh, drinkable water hundreds of miles out into the ocean! The crew had almost lost their lives waiting and pining for the elusive drinking water when what they needed to be fulfilled was right under their noses!

Now, is it possible that the fulfillment of your wishes might already be available right where you are, but in a form, or from a source, you haven't yet recognized? Are you being thwarted by your endless and fleeting quest for love, happiness and meaning from outside sources, or from sources whom you have yet to meet, believing that one day you will find "The One"?

What riches in your life right now are you not seeing?

5/5/06

2006-05-05T11:45:00.000+08:00

(Still feels touched when I hear that piece again. Whats the truth?)

I can't hedge.... gone case sia. I can't depend on my instinct right? Although my instincts are highly accurate, it doesn't give me security.

Sigh... ok as long as debit = credit, don't care liao haa. Ya, just copy from notes. They are the elixir.

I can't feel my brain working at a faster reaction rate after a few hours of playing games haa. yeah!! Lets see if can tune it even faster.... 2 more days left for studying.

I'm spreading my paranoidness to friends. Luckily they are kind enough to help me.

No jog today. I scared blister too big until cannot walk tomorrow.

Hmm, my communication function seems a bit detached now. My ideas all one piece one piece. argh.

4/5/06

2006-05-04T19:19:00.000+08:00

I forced myself to jog again. This time I couldn't fly. Argh so slow. And my blisters....!! pain pain. Sigh. Now I really do want to compliment the New Balance shoes... sigh. Excellent long distance jogging shoes.

I really need to do something to train up my reaction speed. I'm really staring at this for a long time before I start to react upon the information. I think its time for popcap's games.

Today's blog is short because i received alot of Slice of Life postings. So, I'll post here for you all to read. Have fun!

Slice of Life

To Be Someone Else

At some point in your life, you've probably wanted to be someone else. Someone more good-looking, more intelligent, wealthier, more well-liked. While twisting in the grip of envy, you've hated yourself, lamented your state of affairs, been incredibly annoying to the people around you.

The next time you find yourself entertaining thoughts of being somebody else, know that it's never going to happen. You are never going to be someone else so you might as well banish the idea. There is one constant - you have only one life, and you can either live it to the best of your abilities, or you can wither and sulk. It's your choice.

In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank." What a funny read! According to her, there must be some specific reason that the grass is greener "over there." While the top layer is nice, plush, and green, what is it that boils underneath? Sure the vegetation is flourishing, but you can be sure the water bill is higher.

When we strive to be like someone else or we envy or hate others because we are not like them, it's a spectacular waste of time. We all fall into the limbo from time to time, but nothing is achieved by it. Sometimes we strive to be like others because of the challenges that we must deal with every day. Yes it indeed seems ideal to simply step into someone else's shoes in order to escape our troubles. But even if it were possible, we'd simply be signing up for a whole list of other problems.

You only see the positive aspects that "attract" you to this other person's life, yet there are always negative aspects hiding beneath the surface. You must realize that each and every life comes with its share of challenges. Life isn't about getting rid of challenges; it's about how you manage these challenges to make your life as fulfilling as possible.

Very often, we create these "challenges" ourselves. Because we do not look forward with passion and optimism, we sit still and become bored. We then create these challenges as a way to convince ourselves that they are the reason we don't seem to be moving. Some politicians make up enemies for very much the same reason. When we have someone or something to blame, then we don't have to think about accepting responsibility for our own problems.

The only way to live a fairytale is to become the hero of the story. Remember, just as others' lives may seem more attractive to you, your life appears desirable to others. They just don't tell you. As you plan and define your direction, you will find that your life is truly unique. Learn to love yourself and your life.

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STORIES - Genghis Khan and His Hawk

Anger is one of the most fundamental aspects of human nature. We were all born with an inclination towards it and that's why curbing anger is such a challenge. It's like trying to suppress a part of us that seems to surface involuntarily.

But great is the need to restrain ourselves from doing things out of anger, these can have very serious consequences. Take the story of Genghis Khan and his hawk, for example.

One morning, Genghis Khan, the great king and warrior, rode out into the woods for a day's sport. On his wrist sat his favourite hawk, for in those days hawks were trained to hunt.

The day had been warm, and the king was very thirsty. His pet hawk left his wrist and flew away. It would be sure to find its way home. The king was riding slowly along, when to his joy, he saw some water trickling down over the edge of a rock. He knew that there was a spring farther up.

The king took a little silver cup from his hunting bag and held it so as to catch the slowly falling drops. It took a long time to fill the cup; and the king was so thirsty that he could hardly wait. At last it was nearly full. He put the cup to his lips, and was about to drink when suddenly, the cup was knocked from his hands.

The king looked up to see who had done this thing. It was his pet hawk.

The king picked up the cup, and again held it to catch the trickling drops. When the cup was half full, he lifted it toward his mouth. But before it had touched his lips, the hawk swooped down again, and knocked it from his hands.

Now this happened a few times. The king was so overcome by anger that when the bird swooped down again, he struck it with his sword. The hawk fell to the ground and lay dying at its master's feet.

"That is what you get for your pains," said Genghis Khan.

But when he looked for his cup, he found that it had fallen between two rocks, where he could not reach it.

"At any rate, I will have a drink from that spring," he said to himself.

With that he began to climb the steep bank to the place from which the water trickled. When he reached the pool, he noticed something lying in the pool, almost filling it. It was a huge, dead snake of the most poisonous kind.

The king stopped. He forgot his thirst.

"The hawk saved my life!" he cried, "and how did I repay him? He was my best friend, and I have killed him."

Genghis Khan learnt a sad lesson that day - and that was to never do anything in anger.

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Forgiveness for Yourself

We're always being told "Forget what happened. Put it behind you and move on." It's not that easy, is it?

Forgiving someone who has done you an injustice is difficult; it even feels illogical, because we feel that we are letting the wrongdoer off the hook. But forgiving does not equate letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are condoning bad behaviour. Forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about you.

You forgive people not for their sake, but for your own sake. You forgive because that's the only way you can set yourself free. When you forgive, you're letting go of anger, of hurt, helplessness or shame. Like love, when forgiveness is given unconditionally, it's incredibly empowering for the giver. When you set conditions on forgiveness, you give power to your tormentors. You make it easier for them to hurt you again.

Stress is often caused by regrets and resentments we have been holding on to for years. These grudges rob us of peace of mind and hamper our growth.

Peace of mind is required for healing to take place. Forgiveness can bring that peace of mind. That said though, nobody should demand or expect forgiveness from you. It is nobody's birthright to be forgiven. It's up to you when you are ready and when you want to forgive them. You have to work through your anger and sense of loss before you will be able to do that. Others can ask you for forgiveness but not expect it. To expect forgiveness builds up even more resentment.

But we all should practice forgiveness regularly to unclutter our mind. When we forgive, we remove what's blocking our energy and happiness. We open doors to fresh air and light.

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Yes or No?

We're always making choices. How we will use our time, how we're going to get to our destination, what we're going to have for lunch, what colours should be used for our logo, what proposal should be dumped and which one should be taken up. Every step that we take presents us with an option of "Yes" or "No".

All these decisions, or in the case of some of us, in-decision, affects our happiness. How consciously do we make our choices? What happens when we can't make a definite "Yes" or "No" is that we become stuck in the wilderness of "Maybe" land. When we spend too much time in this place, we allow others to decide how our lives should be led. Here we have no hope for fulfillment because when things go well, we can't take the credit. And when things go awry, we blame ourselves for trusting the judgement of another.

Imagine that your partner or friend prefers to watch a particular movie and you'd really like to see another but you don't say anything. You give your partner or friend a weak "maybe", "it doesn't matter" or a reluctant "oh ok?" Later, you feel resentful and angry because this always seems to happen and you "never get to see the movie that you want to see."

Sometimes we justify this by believing that we don't assert ourselves because we are easy-going or generous. If this is the case, then why do we subsequently feel lousy and on the losing end?

Now, asserting yourself doesn't mean being demanding or unreasonable. By all means, empower yourself by expressing your feelings clearly, but be ready to negotiate or occasionally give in or come to a compromise. The important thing is simply to make your feelings known. Hiding behind a mask of indifference creates a lot of inner tension which may explode in the future.

It's very important to empower yourself to make conscious choices to create the relationships and life that you want. A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others but what they're actually feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the courage to go for what they really want.

Whenever you're faced with a decision, take the time to go within yourself and ask yourself what you really want. Is it true that it doesn't matter? Is it something you can take lightly? Or something you feel strongly about? When you evaluate your options consciously and express your feelings clearly, you'll feel more empowered, and as a result, move confidently toward creating the kind of relationships and life that you want.

3/5/06

2006-05-03T12:39:00.000+08:00

I don't know why, i feel so bored. The feeling of emptiness comes again. Listening to the music on my blog just make me feel so ... empty. Studying for a losing battle isn't much help to fill up my world. My world isn't big. Its just my home, Toa Payoh, and school. Exciting? Maybe. Self induced excitment. Tiring though.

Staring at the notes, and more notes.... just makes me think that I'm going to lose this battle due to language disadvantage. My english just sux big time. When under stress..... English turns into Singlish. I think this syndrome started since last sem. Last sem exam was like that too.... Somehow, I'm going to suffer the same fate again. Whats the use with all the knowledge I have if I cannot write down on the damn paper during exam?

Why don't have a module called "PS2 Games"? Maybe I'll do better on that. How about a Video Gaming faculty. Modules include, game creation, game ethics, game history, game marketing, game playing skills, science of gaming, Game as a form of emotion therapy, Heathcare in gaming.... and more! These are much more exciting eh. Maybe one day Singapore can start this area of development. The gaming market is damn big also just that Singaporeans are all so serious. Business, Culture, Education, Research, blar blar blar. The gaming industry is going to boom big time in the future when more and more people are seeking leisure and fun time. The topic is "How to make this boring world light up".

How about virtual gaming? perhaps we might have a digital goggles to put on, then we can all connect online to see everyone in the gaming world. Or maybe enter into a half sleep mode in a capsule which brings a person into a gaming world. Then can move inside, kill monsters like really doing it.

I think I think too much... back to books then. Sick.
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Wheeeee!, I can fly.... I can fly.... I can..... ops.... Haaaa, "fly". Yesterday's 1hr of ankle weights worked! Although my left ankle seems a bit loose, it felt ok after a while. I brough my new shoe up to a test. See whether it can suit me. Well, it turned out well except for (sounds like a familiar tag line for audit reports) the side. Blisters!! Pain pain. But I can fly!! So I was flying and "ouching" at the same time. I'm foreseeing more weights wearing days haaa.

One "defects" of wearing that weights as a normal lifestyle. I perspire like hell. Later people think i crazy. Walk a few steps, "rain" like there is no tomorrow (well, someone commented about it before and i felt a bit paiseh haaa).

Feel so slow in revision. The more I think about things haa the more I feel like giving up. "Why chiong so much if fate has somehow been decided. I'm too far behind already." Anyway, to ensure a smooth journey and not sweating during exams, i'll still study haa.

The more I think, the more I feel like going into the music industry... sigh. Well, I have a choice. haaa. See how lah. Bleah. What will be the response of normal people if they hear that you are in the music industry..... the answer is "EEEEEEEE". Bad for me then haaa.

Who wants to learn music??? haaa

Somehow, these days are missing something haa. something...

2/5/06

2006-05-02T15:33:00.000+08:00

The end of the most horrendous paper. 2 more papers to go, how nice. The last two papers will be the most enjoyable one for me cuz I like the subjects, not that I will confirm do well. Loving the modules does not = doing well for it. History has proven itself.

Anyway the exam today seems to pin down more on language skills and speed writing rather than content. Everything is..... copy copy copy. And amazingly, someone said," oh that question, copy from lecture notes!! all the points are there. 5 points, so can get full marks!!"

I was so damned. don't know how lah. Anyway it has ended. Just hope for the best. Me broken english all the way. Must be the blog lah, make me write like punk like that. argh.

Anyway, time to put on my ankle weights for a little walk to shopping haa. gotta buy somethings haaa
see if i can survive.

1/5/06

2006-05-01T15:47:00.000+08:00

An early post so that I do not have to come back to post later. I need an early sleep at 9 pm tonight to get ready for battle haaa.

For now, I need to play more games to wake my brain up. Too much listening to pop music makes me blur blur and slow. Argh haaa Bejeweled 2 would serve its purpose heee.

Ja Mata! (japanese language)

30/4/06

2006-04-30T19:05:00.000+08:00

My day hasn't been so packed since a long time. First, I finally completed my revision for 304 and deemed it ineffective for me to study any more of it. Tomorrow is full day for 312, using my own abilities and my OWN NOTEs (with some of my friend's work who volunteered to share with me their OWN NOTEs) to study.

After revision, it was 3pm, and I went out with my mum in search of running shoes. Thanks to the government's progress package, I have enough to buy a pair for my mum as well!! My.... erm.... first big gift and her first expensive running shoes. (expensive in our eyes. Perhaps you guys don't feel that its expensive..... snobs. I'm referring to those who are born rich. Bleah!! I choose to work to that status rather than be borned with it. Yes, I'm jealous again.) I got my first NIKE, so JUST DO IT!! My mum's a NIKE too. Yeah!!

My mum kept wanting to eat restaurant to compensate for the shoe but.... I insisted.... food court lah. Haaa and I was glad, cuz i get to taste the legendary 炒年糕. Kept wondering what that was before today haaa. Korean food!! Well, its..... not bad lah, just maybe not really suit me haa.

Oh ya, i got myself something to torture myself as well. A wrist/ankle weight. I got this wild idea of putting it on whenever i have the chance, including going shopping, and going for work. Ok, in a concealed manner of course. Don't want people to think that i'm crazy. The word crazy is overstatement. I'm only a bit crazy haa... So, I'll put it on my hand at home, and on my legs when going out.... how fun. Its just a bit to light for my liking. Haaa.

Anyone know which shop sells sand bag? I mean those punching bags. Seems to have extinct these days.

Anyway, I had fun. But time to study for 312 again. Cuz exam in 2 days time.

Oh. My teacher is looking for someone to type a business proposal for his business idea. ANyone interested can call me. I told him that if he can wait, I'll do it for him after exams... but seems like he wants it asap... any takers for a quick buck?

(SOmehow, I got a feeling that I'm not going to see someone when work starts....)

29/4/06

2006-04-29T19:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up today, with another business idea in mind. It was from my dreams. Not going to say what it is cuz its bound to back fire. Its a dumb idea and it involves combining two functions into one. haaa. I was acting as a customer in that business idea in my dreams. And I feel quite dumb actually haa. So perhaps that business idea won't work, unless..... nah, that might be in a few decades later when science is more advance.

I'm starting to lose my stamina for studying. I woke up in the morning feeling so feverish that I don't feel like doing anything. I sat in front of my table, feeling so.... gotten tear apart. A dreadful feeling. Is it time to study in groups? ahhhhh.

I'm lucky to have friends to cheer me on. I'm lucky to have friends to support me too. I'm just so lucky. I'm not alone.. *sob sob* (so touching.... I'm serious!!)

I've got all the animated friends to help me too. Pikachu, Doraemon, Naruto, Dragonball. So many!! I'm fortunate.

(I'm not crazy lah!)

28/4/06

2006-04-28T19:29:00.000+08:00

What are the signs of stress?

Staring at open spaces with lots of thoughts flying through mind but don't remember what they are exactly.

Stuck at an action for a long time and wonder why cannot move. (e.g. brain says "get that spoon from the kitchen. Walk walk walk, reach the place.... system halt...halt...halt....)

Eat a bit and stomach feels bloated.

Hands weak. Shaking while holding items of moderate weight.

Body says:" go play games".... mind says:" Diam diam"

A preference for sour things (is it just me? I'm not pregnant hor)
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I can't wait for work to start. I am really sick of trying to fight with people when i know i don't stand a chance. But I can't stop myself from wanting to fight... what an irony. I'm getting really tired. sigh.

When work starts, my attitude will be.... just perform enough to be a moderate performer. Just do whats required and nothing more. How abt promotion? I don't care. Higher position, more work, less life, less hair, shorter life span. Will be looking to weekend band when work starts.

First resolution when work starts.... get my Japanese language going. 2 books sitting there collecting dust.

Second resolution..... practice more guitar pieces for self shiokness

Third resolution..... Time for korean sad songs on piano (electric keyboard to replace it).

Forth resolution..... Scream the hell out of my lungs in KTV sessions.

Fifth resolution..... start to compose pieces that are up to professional level (1 piece a month?)

Sixth resolution..... Start to earn enough for my first home (HDB) with 1 punching sand bag hang somewhere, 1 entertainment room (KTV, movie, PS3, EUphonium.. not flute!), an area for peace, greenery, and quietness.

More to come....

What is wealth?
Wealth is a state of mind where you do not have to worry for money. Earn enough, live poor. That is the key. Countries need savings for growth. Personally, savings is needed for safety, a pre-requisite for self actualization.

What keeps people living on?
Hope. It is a state of mind that let someone have something to look forward everyday. Be it a hope to give, a hope to receive.

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Few years ago, I came up with a home collection and home delivery laundry idea. I can't believe I really see it starting up. Someone came by the door to give advertisements. Hmm... i don't know if this business started after i develop my idea of before. Haa perhaps I think too highly of myself again.

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And you bloody people out there who have all the pass year resources you need for exams!! You better be repent! You got the bloody face to use notes and information not prepared by your ownself for exam. Consider a disgrace on your own ability. You depended on other people. You get top class help from pass year people. ARE YOU BLOODY USING YOUR OWN ABILITIES TO FACE THE EXAMS?? ARE YOU USING YOUR OWN ABILITIES TO PROVE THAT YOU DESERVE THE CERT YOU DESERVE. You bloody hell.

Yes, I'm jealous, because there hasn't been an equal playing ground since the start of the university life. You guys group together, get outside specialist help, get all the help you can find. Exams are like that, projects are also like that. You ask yourself if you are having a clear consciencious getting that bloody A grade you have. If any of you sees this. I am challenging you. Prepare your own notes, prepare your own information, using your own skills, using your own abilities, face the exam using your own ability. Bloody idiots.

Throughout these 3 years, I've been depending on my own ability, for all projects, exams and class preparation. I know I can be considered stupid and dumb to not find outside source for help. But this is a challenge for myself. At the end of the day, I celebrate my own achievements. Even if I just get a pass the bloody uni with no honours. Its my own achievements. ALL THOSE GOONS GOONS OUT THERE.... IF YOU ONLY LIVE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S ACHIEVEMENTS.... YOU BLOODY HELL JUST GO JUMP DOWN 70 story from that BUILDING AND SLEEP UNDER CITY HALL.

NUFF SAID!! REPENT!

27/4/06

2006-04-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

Storms over. The recovery seems so rapidly that its just abnormal. Weird (just changed this word. Someone said wierd is a wrong spelling, eeks). Or the seemingly speedy recovery spells an underlying sugar coating situation. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm a little behind schedule for my 304. Somehow, I was quite energetic and happy while reading the stuffs. I guess its because that its my favourite module this semester.

I couldn't jog because my shoe broke down.... time for a new pair. I need a high durable one. Those normal ones just can't fit me. I torture my shoes really nicely. Muhahaa.

I bet most of my friends are happily studying too. They are a bunch of clever people.

This is a battle of my life. Study more not = good results. Don't study confirm = bad results.... sigh. Sad fact.

26/4/06

2006-04-26T18:55:00.000+08:00

Ok I take back my words. The paper isn't going to be easy at all. In fact, it was damn shitty difficult. So much difference as compared to past year papers. Its one of the most enjoyable paper because there is no stress. Even if i don't do well, who cares?? I'm just treating it like a fun event. I'm crazy!! Who in the world takes exam and treat it as a play game thingy. I know I won't flung this paper. Best estimate.... B minus to C. Haaa. THere were just too many things i don't know how to answer it correctly. I'm just copying from textbooks. The calculations are just done based on gut feelings. I don't even have any confidence to say "yes this question i confirm calculate correctly". 10 secs before going into an exam hall, I even consulted a friend about one of the calculation methods. And guess what.... it came out!! Although the method isn't much proven but it seems logical. And I hope my 10 secs absorption is correct.... haaa.

If i'm going to use this attitude for my core exams, thats the end of me man. Oh ya. 312 exams seems to be another one of these type exams. Going to be the "what-was-I-writing" paper. Ya, I was dazing today during some of the questions. THis shows that my brain is reduce its processing speed. And my eyes played tricks again. There was this question that says "do at most 1 question". There were 3 questions under it. I didn't see..... and I did all. Crazy.

So many things to learn from today's experience. Eyes open big big + need to read more facts + i need to play more games to train up my reaction speed. Ho ho ho.

Yes, the war started again. Can I go slam their doors and tell them to raise their voices behind the doors, not with the doors opened? And, to switch the tv and living rooms light off, and perhaps close the main door too. How I wish I can do it without repercussions. I'm just so pathetic, sitting in front of the computer, feeling the increase in my heart beat.

Ok, I just did all. Switched off the tv, close the main door, close the living room window. Shut my door. Peace? Perhaps.... Just hope that someone won't open my door and come shouting at me saying "so, WHY YOUR ATTITUDE LIKE THAT?!!"

Yes, I'm a Defiant child. Sue me.

NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER TALK TO ME ABOUT THE MATTERS TYPED ABOVE. ITS FOR MY MYSELF. AS A REMEMBERENCE. DAMN IT.!

There are a few things that my mind proceeded to do, but physically, I'm still sitting in front of my desk. Heres a list of things.

1) Shout at the top of my lungs under my pillow.
2) Shout at the top of my lungs outside my kitchen window, upwards, to the neighbours upstairs who make damn bloody hell so much noisy with their chairs and walking. Not to mention dropping things, and the ping ping pong pong sound.
3) Punching and kicking a sandbag using all the energy I have. And I'm expecting to break the sand bag.
4) Doing 100 pushups to "kill" myself. (a painless end)

Did anyone told you I don't have a very nice temper? Inherited from my mum. So, don't ever play with Lions, cuz I do not have a "Safety-proven" sticker on me.

While those things went through my mind, I was on "South-East Asia, A Long Road Ahead", Chapter 6. Lots of information on FDIs. Thats one good information for all my friends, after hearing all my burst. I really want a sandbag for my new house in the future. Is it expensive? I need consulting services.

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With all the events happening, I have deviced a great way to release the urge to shout at your loudest voice. By using my method, you can save yourself from....
1) Having a police to knock at your door to ask you what happened
2) Having your neighbour to come over and scold you "siao"
3) Having a chance to lose your voice
4) Having to create a uproar in the silent night
5) Having a need to use a pillow which might result in suffocation if not used according to instructions

So many benefits, why not patent my method. Cool.

My method: Just disconnect your voice box and preventing it from vibrating. To do this, you need to practice to open your throat to a level that will not cause your voice box to vibrate even at high air speed. Try saying "Ho" and producing warm air from the mouth at the same time. When you are comfortable with the feeling. Take a deep breathe, while engaging in the embrouchure of saying "Ho", push all your air out with all your diaphram and lungs strength. There you go, simple and easy. Doing it does not stop you from getting an increase in heart pump rate though. Thats a deficiency in my method. Have fun.

25/4/06

2006-04-25T16:27:00.000+08:00

Equipped with 2 calculators, a pencil boxes with 5 black pens, 2 mechanical pencils, 2 erasers, 2 rulers.... ready for a battle? The ultimate, kiasu, kiasee, dumbo is here!! Fight with honour! Bag packed with notes and notes and notes. Just go into the exam hall and fire off my anger at the paper. DIE!!!!!! muahhaaaa

I'm crazy. Anyone feel pins and needles in the right rear brain section? I guess memory bank damage. Who am I?? (I'm acting). Ok lah, I'll be back tomorrow to complain about the stupid paper. See what happens.

I might just fish for answers in the textbook tomorrow. OPEN BOOK!! sigh. And I must remind myself its a 2.5hr paper, not 3 HOURS!!. 2.5, 2.5, 2.5, 2.5, 2.5.....

Through out these mugging days, I've gotten myself another skill. Guitar!! I can't believe it, haa I'm 60% completing my first piece on guitar. Hidamari no Uta!! Although its not for public's ears, its enough for my enjoyment. I'm starting to love it haa. Guitar is hard!!! argh.

24/4/06

2006-04-24T11:05:00.000+08:00

Foul mood. No work today. Nuff said. Need to walk.
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Back. What i experienced today could be what others would never experience in their life time. Its interesting and sad anyway. Haa.

As for 312. I can gladly declare that I have put in an amount of effort where no one, and I stress NO ONE in ntu would have put in. I am confident on my effort as a never dying worker. (Perhaps there are people out there who put their lives in too, well i don't know) Whether this would give me a good results would depend on fate now. Lady luck usually don't smile at me. Cuz I sulk. Its born like that! I can't change. 312.... case close. No more. Till the day of battle.

Tomorrow is GE day... before war starts on Wed. A war with all the business students.
----------------------------------------------------

My teacher called.... an offer to me to work for him. Music teaching... same starting pay as being auditor.... and perhaps more..... A new company though... a new concept though. A chance for me to help him manage his music business too....I love to help.... but.... some risks involved.... I still want to try audit first. If audit really drives me into grave, I'll have an alternative route. Something which I will definitely enjoy, and something which I have confidence in.... to build a good band up... I just need someone to teach me how..... perhaps. My second dream... to conduct a band in a full concert.

23/4/06

2006-04-23T16:46:00.000+08:00

The signs of war, the calm before the storm. Why am I at home facing these things? I'm sick and tired. 15 years of such shit (since i become aware of things). Want to fight, just FIGHT lah!. What the F*CK. When communication becomes ineffective... i really don't know what more they can do. One side, can only use shouting as communication. The other side, so stuborn, more and more stuborn as age comes. For me.... "kids shouldn't bother about adults". Everytime such shit happens, I bet my anger level don't lose to them. I just keep quiet. When I was young, I just hit behind my door and weep (what a wimp!). Now, I'm just more aggressive. I just feel like wacking things. My heart and mind is crippled already. Break it further and you'll know what happens. I'm the product of both of your doings.

Where is the element of understanding and giving in?? Where is communication? Where is common sense?

Guys, Fight or Flight situation (its scientifically proven). Girls, verbal skills on the loose (proven as well... verbal skills + brain thinking would be better than lack of brain). I choose to get out of this situation. When war starts. I'll disappear from home. Thats it. How about my studies? F*ck care. Anyway its ending soon.

To my blog readers: Don't talk to me about the above matters. It doesn't help. So leave me alone.

Back to my books. Hope I don't tear them apart.

22/4/06

2006-04-22T16:15:00.000+08:00

My mind is tearing apart. From 1pm to 3pm, I just stared at the damn international trade article and.... read one word, skip 5 words. Read one sentence, skip 3 lines. And wasted the afternoon just like that. I hate it when it happens. I'm just so affected by home situations.

Its the cold war again. As usual, I'm not one of the parties involved. But I.... once again, can't understand why people can't talk nicely about things... a big sigh. I hate people screaming. Luckily, one of the parties involved have high endurance which is gradually decreasing as age comes.

So I, plug in my earphone into the comp and on some pop music, and tried to continue studying. I can't. I just got so boiling inside. I think I'm more fuming than the parties involved. Inside me... "oh war again ah? I close door for you all so that you can talk louder?" , "don't make me eat dinner on the dining table when war is taking place. I want to eat in my room". I didn't say those things out. I was taught to.... "keep quiet and mind your own business". It seems that I'm studying infront of my study desk but... I'm "observing" the surrounding with my sensors. Can't read anything..... so affected.

Just when my head was about to burst. Then, a savior came. Gossips, jokes. Well this friend was complaining to me about something but i got so interested in the topic haa.

Now, only my dog accompanies me. sian. Time to tear myself apart with lots of exercises. Then, my mind can break free from being so tight. argh!

Oh yes, I just saw the word nerd on someone's blog. And the characteristic associated with nerd is "no life". Well, that is CORRECt! you have a real life example here!! (me me me me!..... so proud?? SIAO). *Sounds so dumb....*

打电话而不说话，是情趣吗？
逛街而不买东西，是低级吗？
付出而没回报，是白痴吗？
直接而不宛转，是无礼吗？

21/4/06

2006-04-21T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'm behind schedule slightly now. But nvm, I can't be bothered so much to worry. Cuz I'm doing selective focusing in the end. Who cares about that stupid rubber topic. Laalaa. I'm a crisis expert now!! (boosting again.... sigh... never learns his lesson)

My blog is going to get boring as the next few weeks will be all about exams!! And mugging.. and mugging.... and mug... and m...... *piak*, drop dead. (CHoi!)

I getting back my jogging pace!! I feel like there's more power in my feet now so i can force myself to chiong. But today's short rain pose a great challenge to me. I had to battle with the weather while running. The sky started pouring halfway my run. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open. Sometimes jogging with both eyes closed. I could have stopped and went back home immediately but... that rain ain't gonna stop me. Its a challenge for myself. And I succeeded.... but I'm a bit bloated on the head now. *ouch*

For those who are chionging for exam and feels like dying, don't give up. Every difficulty you have is a challenge you have to go through. Just like how I chiong through the rain. After everything, sun will rise. Everything will go back to normal. For this last lap, just put in everything. As long as you put in your full effort, you would have a clear consciencious (wrong spelling again).

I talk too much again. Just Do It (NIKE!!)

Talking about nike. I'm going to buy my first nike shoes after i get my first month pay. Saying goodbye to New balance. Anyway 1 of my 2 pairs of new balance got stolen.... so sad. Now i only have one to survive with. NIKE!! I wanna get a feel of it. YEAH!

20/4/06

2006-04-20T14:32:00.000+08:00

Less than 1 week to start of nightmare. I shall more the nightmare for the nightmare. Anyway, today is the last seminar for my Uni life. Its really a cool feeling. No more lessons!! No more chance to traumatise the tutors.... ops.

Lessons really ended too early. So my buddy and I went to walk JP. My last time to walk there? Hmm, don't know. Its a nice shopping mall. I love walking around haa, especially shopping malls. No wonder I want to focus on the retailing sector when I do my audit haa. Although its not a high prospect sector for audit work, but I don't care, as long as I like it. Auditing bank is so............... *sleep*

At times, I do have an urge to sms people but I contained that urge and didn't do it. Maybe the thoughts can fly to the receipient through electro-cosmic waves from the brains... hmm just a wierd thought. haaa. Anyone sneezed?

Today's thought

When you walk into a shop, and you see something you like. No matter how much you love it, you still doesn't own it if you don't make that effort to pick it up and pay it at the counter. Sometimes, when you are too slow, that item gets picked up by another person and that could be the last one there.

However, before you buy it, have you thought about whether you need that item or not? Did you buy it on impulse? Was it just a temporary feeling towards that item? Did you buy that item because that item makes you happy? Did you buy that item because it can help you in your work and makes your life easier? Or, did you buy it because everyone has it??

Is there a need to have a known reason before you buy that item? If you really love that item on first sight, do you need to consider how much that item can benefit you before you buy it?

If you know that the item doesn't benefit you much now, would you still buy it? How would you know that the benefit doesn't come much later? You might start to love that item later?

Is it important to love that item before you buy it, or to love that item after you buy it? Are there any difference?

Do you love the item you buy or buy the item you love?

If the item seems to have lost its value, or became broken, would you discard it and buy a new one? Or if you realise you didn't like it as much as the first time you saw it, would you discard it immediately?

If the item has no problem, but another item that you perceived (this word is important because alot of times, its only perception) to have better functions, better quality, and better appeal to you, would you discard the old item?

I don't have answers to the questions above because different people answers them differently, and there is nothing wrong to all the answers people give because it is how people behaves. I also can't say which type of answers are better. But by answering those questions, you will know more about yourself. And by putting yourself into those situations above, you will know about how you look at relationships. I came up with this myself haaa, so its not professional qualified. Don't sue me if things aren't accurate. Cheers!
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Now is 9.25pm. I can't help it but to come and to curse and swear about some of the articles in 312. DAMN FISH ASS SON OF THE SUBMARINE, CAN'T ACADEMICS WRITE ARTICLES IN SIMPLE ENGLISH???? TURN AND TURN JUST TO SAY ONE STUPID POINT. AND WHY GIVE SO MANY ARTICLES FOR JUST 3 PUNY LECTURES?!!!!?? DAMN. I'm a korea economic development expert now.... which I don't think will come out for exam.... why am I studying it???? FISHING DIRT!

19/4/06

2006-04-19T19:24:00.000+08:00

Today's revision hightens my fear for 312 exam. The first few lectures are just killer + the exam questions requires much research..... so how are we going to answer them during exam? How about everyone got a laptop and internet connection in exam hall. Since its open book, why not?? (Am I coming up with wierd ideas again? Maybe if I become education minister one day, i can suggest that.... ops dream)
ITS TIME TO GET POLITICAL!!

Oh, I'm started to get crazy with tongue twisters. How about this? 怪人说人怪，见怪不怪，不怪说怪，真奇怪！ Ok its a lousy one haa.

I still have 1 more piece half done. I think I started that piece like half a year ago and didn't have time to continue. Its a fanfare... a lousy one. I think I going to treat it as a failed try haa. I need to get a new style for my music cuz everything starting to sound the same. This is my 11th compositions already and I think my brain keeps turning around this kind of hokkien sound.... eeks. Don't want!! Don't force me to compose a piece with classical style. Symmetrical phrasing, cadence ending for phrases, simple and straight forward rhythmns... sonata forms? How about Baroque? Ritonallo form? Can't remember my GV01 module haa. My idol is Beethovan!! A mix of calmness and agitation.

Tomorrow got school!! Another self declared holiday for myself. My last chance to bully that tutor haaa. See what i can do tomorrow!! haa. I didn't plan anything but I'll try to be a menace tomorrow. Bwahahahaa.

I haven't been touching my PS2 for 2 days and I'm starting to miss it already. However, I've been touching my guitar everyday for 1 week already but I can't play anything decent haa. My Hidamari no Uta sounds like Kalamari dio ChaoDa (Squid gets burnt).

My first paper is next week, exactly. Can't be bothered. I'm only worried for my core..... so worried. I'm really worried, not those "oh I'm worried" (but i know I'll do well kind). I think there are people out there who are like that. Freaks, they are bastards haa. Don't like those people. BLEAH!!!! (oh no!! the pikachu diesease!!)

18/4/06

2006-04-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

I think everyone is going to do well for 306!! Jia lad, the lecturers have given so big clues and taught so much today. I have no more comparative advantage liao. Sob sob. I don't think anyone understand that marks are moderated according to the distribution curve of marks acquired by students. Raw marks are adjusted according to the mean and variance.... so..... it might take 90 marks for one to get A. And.... thats horror to me. Why am I bothered? Sigh, I should just forget it and just relax and enjoy the paper. I don't have to fight with people for bank jobs anyway cuz I LOVE AUDIT!! (I'm the only one who says that I think)

I believe we shouldn't waste talents. Audit = second class jobs as compared to bank jobs? Well, I do believe that super people should go banks and leave those audit jobs to people like me!! I shall rock the audit world.... not in the -ve way (hope you don't see me in newspaper in years to come). Or maybe not? 3 years and I'm sick of it? I don't know. I find audit exciting (who agrees with me?).

Someone will soon get sick of reading my blog haaa.

Oh yes, my intuition worked today. I knew my friend would be on that bus, so I ran for the bus. At least the journey wasn't dry.... for 15 mins. Then it was another dry journey back. But I really enjoy listening to radio, looking at clouds, seeing the trees moving back, and falling into sleep after a while without pushing myself to read something during the journey. I would call it a "free journey". No pressure to read.

A short holiday for myself today. Self award lah. Why? Buay song? Beat me lah! muahhaa. I'm crazy, ignore me.

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I'm back at 8.30pm. I just can't stop myself from composing. I've completed the new piece called Emptiness. It attempts to portray a sense of losing one's orientation in life. Here is the interpretation.

Opening: A slight feeling of frustration inside, but yet a sense of losing one's direction. Turning around in dark space without knowing where the way out is.

1st Theme: If you hear the percussion clearly, you can a Clock-like sound going "tick, tick, tick." This is to portray the time element in this piece. People live in this world with limited time. When one gets lost, when one doesn't know where to proceeds, time still moves. Some people spins round in circles, never proceed forward. Without aims and without targets, life is just meaningless. Yet, time doesn't give chances to those without aims.

2nd Theme (when another instrument comes in as melody): Time still "ticks", no matter what aims you have for life, everyone is just taking different paths. Pick yourself up and proceed on. Even if you are aiming for a simple life, its still an aim, nothing wrong with that.

3rd Theme (reiterating notes): when you are lost, sometimes its good to wait and ponder. But if you take too long, life gets wasted...

Closing: At the end of the day, when time is up, we all go to the same place. No matter what life you experience, be it powerful, wealthy, poor, sad, at the end, our lives end and what goes on is the "ticking" of the time. Thats why you hear the "tick" at the end.

Hope you enjoyed it.... Once again, time waits for no man. Do what you think its right. There are no perfect routes.... life goes on, until the end of time.... but time never ends.... (I'm confused)

17/4/06

2006-04-17T19:46:00.000+08:00

my GE is done for me, thats enough. I threw away another 6 chapters. Wierd feeling but I'm going to leave it as it is like that. Seeing the stupid past year exam papers just give me so much complacency that might kill me, I know. But I don't want to put in so much for that GE. I've learnt enough knowledge about that module to satisfy my thirst. Its pure interest and nothing else.

Someone once asked me:"what do you not know how to do?". Now I answer. There are tonnes that I don't know how. There are areas untouched, unexplored. I couldn't answer at that point in time because those untouched area are unknown to me so I couldn't say it out. Today, I've tried something, and I confirmed + guarantee, I couldn't dance (i can hop, perhaps). Muahahaa. And, I couldn't tell jokes when I want to. I couldn't make myself take up a phone to call someone when I want to. I have long forgotten how to do that. Too long. (pathetic eh?)

Oh ya, Heaven prevented me from jogging for the 4th consecutive day. I changed!! I was ready to open the door and.... *splash thunder ssssssssssssss* So, in the exercising attire, i thought "damned". So, I turned my room into an exercising area. I tore myself apart. *Piak* How I wish I have a sand bag at home. Wack it out haaa. For the fun of it. Although I'm no big size, I will show that I'm no push over.... in all areas!! (don't you hate this kind of self movitating idiot?)

And for once, I'm going to say I really don't like hokkien music... argh. Not my type. My mum sings it, my dad adores it (its his job), I just couldn't stand it.

I really don't know what to type now.... sian. Well today's slice of life tells us to walk more, so WALK more!! haa

And, The second slice of life is for all those who are not alone. Cherish. :)

I guess today's posting is really long, and I don't intend to stop here. Seeing one of my friend's blog.... its just so true,

人身有如水滴，从天而降。落在山上，沿着小溪，从山顶一路流着。面对着分岔路，选择只有一个。一旦决定了，就不能回头。人身的过程就是这样，时时刻刻面对着选择。你是否有想过，如果走的是另一条路会是怎样的？可以回头吗？如果你可以在下一个分岔路走向那条你没走的那一条路，你会走吗？就算前途坎坷，你也会想走那条路吗？其实，当小溪流向大海的时候，所有水滴也都会再见面。大海，就是生命的结束，也就是当人们去天国的时候。可是，有些人认为那是另一个开始。在大海等待太阳的照射，给予另一个生命，再次飞向天空，然后从天降下，从新开始另一次的路程。从山上的小溪到广阔的大海。

你会回头望一望没有走过的路吗？

Slice of Life

Walkabout

What's one of the simplest and quickest ways to improve your overall wellness?

Walking!

Primitive tribespeople went on regular walkabouts, when individuals headed off alone into the bush as a rite of passage. In the wilderness, their minds, bodies and spirits were tested and cleansed. Some even met their spiritual guides, or so the legends say.

These days though, walking has been reduced to an inconvenience. It's considered a milestone for toddlers, something that all infants naturally progress to, but grown-ups generally wish to do as little of it as possible. We'd much rather get around in cars, taxis, buses and bikes.

But walking is immensely beneficial for our physical and mental well-being. For years, this single act has been linked to improving cardiovascular health. The reason is because, generally, walking is a safe movement that isn't likely to cause injury. New studies have shown that walking is also a terrific way to improve your mood. The next time you are feeling a little blue, you could just walk it off - literally.

A recent study paired individuals into groups, one of which spent 30 minutes on a treadmill and the other that participated in 30 minutes of rest. Each group's progress was monitored throughout the treatment with a conclusion that both groups reported having less negative feelings at the end of the study, along with less stress and tension. The difference, however, was found when the group that spent 30 minutes walking also noted an overall improvement in well-being.

While the study further proves the theory that walking is good for mental health, as well as physical, it also lends credence to the theory that people who walk feel better overall. It also proves that an individual does not have to be outside in order to enjoy the benefits of walking. This simple exercise can be achieved with a treadmill or by simply walking in place while listening to music or watching TV.

Taking long walks also allows your mind to relax; the body goes into a spontaneous, comfortable rhythm, giving your thoughts a relaxed and unhurried climate in which to organize themselves. I've often come up with solutions and ideas while on a leisurely stroll.

So work a walking routine into your schedule. You'll start feeling the benefits in no time!

Slice of Life

Stop Fighting!

You probably know a couple or two who seem to be always fighting. Maybe your own relationship is riddled with tiffs and quarrels. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

For some, fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Unfortunately, fighting can easily become a habit, and when it does, a couple finds itself stuck. Instead of communicating effectively and addressing issues, they fall into patterns of accusation and defense. Tenderness and intimacy cannot flourish in such an environment.

So if anger and fighting seem to be the fuel that keeps your relationship going, how can you end the war?

First, you have to stop blaming. While we're pointing fingers, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what's really going on. We ignore the good and highlight the bad. So, instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, focus on what the person has done for you, the ways they have been kind.

You have to realize the terrible toll fighting is taking on your relationship. What it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Do you truly want this? Haven't you and your partner suffered enough? Why not choose happiness?

In choosing to be happy, very often you have to let go of the desire to be right. Expand your view and your heart. Would you want to be right but miserable?

The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build a healthy sense of self worth. Treat yourself well. Be good to your partner. Make life beautiful together. Hey you're a couple, remember? It can't be that hard! Don't let anger make you lose sight of that.

As we gather the courage to let go of anger, not only do we find new ways of being fulfilled with our partner, our overall health improves. Many new people and experiences will enter your lives. You attract what you focus on. Let it be love.

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Mouse Trap

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?"

The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage and help one another.

16/4/06

2006-04-16T18:03:00.000+08:00

Rainy days. Cool weather. Sleep inducing.

Yesterday, when I saw the exam paper for my GE, I nearly fell off my chair. Its so...... Everyone is going to get high marks!! How to get good grades like that? Moderation until siao. I think if those super people see it, they will laugh until their heads drop and spin on the ground. Nvm, I'll fight for it. Don't think accountants cannot do business stuffs hmph!! haaa. I'm crazy again

I think I'm trying to turn myself into a twig again. Exercise too much = skinny branch. I have been jogging for 3 consecutive days liao. All at 3pm. haa Weather was super good. I think I'm preparing myself for the last paper celebration at a buffet. I can't wait for that day to come!!! Going out with kakees!! haa. And go Singing too!!!

Its 6.10pm now, so cold and hungry.... parents threw me at home!! Well, I'm lazy to go out haaa. Actually I wasted 2 hrs shouting at home (shouting is a more realistic word for singing). Sinful sinful. Now full of the sinful feeling. And when my friend asked me a question about school work, I gave the wrong answer!! Supposed to be my favourite topic but.... so sad with myself.... sob sob haa. Reminds me that I need to revise liao. Must thank that friend also!!

2 more days of revision for my GE. But I bet I'll be able to finish it tomorrow cuz... "this one won't come out one, throw aside", " that one won't come out, throw aside". I have thrown about 5 chapters out of the window already. Fun loh. Can I do it for my core also? Hmm, maybe for 312 haaa.

Oh ya, I saw Mentor Minister on TV. I just feel so inspired when I hear him talk. I think he can be my idol liao. Cool.

As for exam, I just saw all the exam papers. Scan through. And I totally think that there is no point studying for 304. When I look at the paper, I have this please-give-up idea. THe paper is signalling to me to give up!! And when I recall that there are people who already have been in audit job for a couple of years made me feel even worst. I don't have the opportunity to work as an auditor to give me that experience to help me in the exam. I just find this such an uneven playing ground. Damn it. At least 306 and 312 looks friendlier, cuz less wordy. THE WORLD IS UNFAIR!! Some people just sail through life while I have to fight like siao. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

(I'm seeing a wierd trend. When people don't believe what I say, what I say would turn out true. Wierd)

15/4/06

2006-04-15T17:00:00.000+08:00

Final exams before graduations... Although I know its so important, so so so important, I'm really slip short with revision. Today is first day so I forgive myself for such weak endurance. Most of the time I'll tell myself:" This won't come out one" and then threw that lecture notes somewhere else. Then "That won't come out also" and threw that notes aside also. I'm starting to be selective to what I read. This is the first time I'm like that..... Being more focus??? (Giving myself excuses again.)

When days turn dark, what will you feel? I wanna sleep.... Sian. Anyway I jogged again, fearing that I might get fat because I eat too much due to stress. I need to look at least acceptable when i go back to work muahhaa. Acceptable is enough. Won't be able to look good anyway.

"I need divine power!!" quoting another friend, I also need!! How about "Let our powers combined!!" I haven't try revising with friends before. But... I'm lazy to go out haa. "I need the question paper!!", another friend said. Eiya, ask my dog do exam for me. She might be cleverer, always watching tv one, so her knowledge must be more than me.

Should I consider myself as at a disadvantage when there are more time for revision? Eiya thinking too much again. Lousy means lousy lah, cannot have excuse. Again, study more doesn't seem that I'll do better. Might as well don't study right? Haaa. Yup, another way of giving myself excuse to slack...

Whats up man, Stupid bug (myself).!! Bored!

I even thought of sleeping at 9.30pm..... I'm gonna miss out on alot of things right? Wasting life sleeping.... I think i go watch dragonball... Studying at night does funny things to me.... cannot sleep.

(Why would I enjoy life only in my dreams? Another shopping dream haa. I guess thats to compensate for my boring reality.)

14/4/06

2006-04-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

Things are starting to get boring. I usually post at night but.... I just don't foresee any interesting things happening today so I thought a morning post will do. This is when the revision time starts. A yawning feeling. Just when I'm so used to having fun, things have to be so dull again. Its like throwing thousand grams of coloured dust into the air, but eventually everything will rest to the floor. Thats the kind of picture.

I'm sorry to pikachu that I asked my name to be removed from the blog. Feels restricted right? I don't mean to, but its better so that people can't trace who you are (contents from my postings seem to tally with yours). You prefer to be unknown from my blog too right? Anyway, don't need to abandon your blog. Perhaps I shouldn't put that restriction... (I usually change myself to suit the environment, not the other way round).

I, too, don't usually get to say what i want to say in my blog. I tend to use wierd ways (which I am the only one who understands) to express something that other people shouldn't know that clearly. Its a good thing that people visits me because then i know there are people who cares and I'm not alone. However, that means i have to restrict myself from some of the things that I want to write.

This blog has been a great support for myself as a form of venting anger and sharing happy stuffs. I'll rather have people visiting me while I restrict my writing than to block everyone and write what i want. I guess that is my aim. Different people have different aims, so I don't want to generalise.

Ok, now for my own stuffs. I finally completed the RPG game yesterday. After so long, finally. It was the Digital Devil Saga (DDS) on PS2. I can finally start on a new one but.... so many to choose from. I need to choose one with good good graphics. Have been graphically deprived from that DDS because that graphics doesn't suit PS2 standards. eeks. Perhaps Radiata Stories will do.

What are RPG games to me? Its like reading story books that can, at the same time, fulfill my spatial skill needs. Well, only some fulfills. Its also a way for me to know more adventerous and beautiful stories that doesn't exist in the real world. Stories with a beginning and ending. Stories that let me experience brotherhood, betrayal, love, care, loyalty, sadness, happiness, and a bunch of other things. To me, completing one RPG game is like finishing a long movie that takes months to finish. Tasting it bit by bit. Just like tasting Lychee in the ancient Chinese Dynasties.

(Just side track, I wanted to start organizing my stuffs to study but.... I can't seems to get my engine working. Can't find the key to my engine. Bleah! So sian!! I need to sleep somemore... its now 9.30am, and there is a BUG flying around me, pestering me while i'm typing...... IRRITATING, argh. Bug = not my friend)

Today's topic. How many types of people are there?
Thinker, Evaluator, Organiser/Planner, Worker, Presenter, Creator, Initiator, Follower, Destroyer, Crisis Champion, Entertainer, Environmentalist, Connector.... the list is not exhaustive.

Thinker- the person thinks about new concepts for how things should be. Innovative and creative.

Evaluator- giving suggestions to already existing concepts created by the thinker. Without them, things are just how it is with no suggestions for improvements.

Organiser/planner- as name speaks, organise and plan things so that creative ideas can be made into concrete items (tangible or intangible)

Worker- putting organized plans into actions. includes leaders and participants.

Presenters- communicating ideas across. important when people doesn't have time to go through the concepts themselves

Creator- People who produce prototypes from the thinker's ideas. These people don't fear failures, a big difference from workers

Initiator- The fire that starts the flame burning. This person doesnt' fear rejection

Follower- Don't like to think, just see people do and then do what they see.

Destroyer- A pain in the ass. But without them, further improvements to things will not happen. It is only through critisms that all things can improve. And without them destroying things, there is no need for new things to be created to replace them.

Crisis Champion- They survive in tough times. And ONLY in tough times. nuff said

Entertainer- live for the aim of making people happy. When other people are happy, the entertainer will feel happy too.

Environmentalist- "don't throw rubbish", "don't like the insects", "save paper", nuff said too

Connector- mediator for things, a center for information, a person that gets ideas from one and pass to another, especially where those 2 persons doesn't want to talk to each other. 和事老。

Thats all folks (I need booster to push myself to study!! I feel so nuah!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!)

-----------------------------------------------------------
6.30pm. Ah I really didn't study today, i swear. Nothing to be proud of but, I managed to pushed down the guilt inside me and continued to do what I wanted to do. Ok here is what I did. I completed a new composition called Doraekachu. This piece is dedicated to Pikachu. CUz this pikachu donno whether its a doraemon or pikachu, so I composed this piece that has both elements in. I don't know how Pikachu main theme sounded like but I created a fat one!!

Opening: A creepy and intense opening with a mysterious theme. Its like you are looking at an unknown egg. Fearful of what might be inside that egg, you take one step by one step, going near it. The percussion sections brings out the anxiety as you walk nearer and nearer.

1st Motive: Suddenly, the creature popped out. A doraemon theme can be heard. The creature jumped out from inside. You thought that creature might do something nasty, but.... it turned out to be a little pikachu, clumsy and fat. (sorry, didn't include any effects for the electricity)

2nd Motive: related to the first, just showing that the creature was super cute with the light flute melody.

Ending: What a big fat joke!!

Ok, I know its not funny, but i tried. Heee. This piece is what you hear now, under my blog music.

13/4/06

2006-04-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

Pikachu use too much electricity power until blur blur liao. But, don't need to apologize so much lah. Still put my big name in your blog somemore.... can remove? I prefer to be anonymous there. Thankz ah. Anyway i knew that time will make the missing thing pop out, so I was cool yesterday. Well, consider it case close ah. No worries. Repent for your blurness!! Bleah! (did i learn those from you? ha)

Today last lesson for 304. I really like the tutor lah. Gave alot of advice on working life. One of the most hardworking prof i've ever seen. And the module requires so much technical knowledge on his part, so i think he did an excellent job. At least better than the previous internal controls module....ops, is that obvious? Somehow sad that it has ended because I consider 304 classes to be fun with lots of goodies to win haaa.

After 304 class, my project group went for a small celebration lunch (consider bah). As usual, lots of laughing, suanning, and gossiping. Yah... and the most memorable one is that me and the other guy took a sissy photo, with me being a sissy.... omg. Well, for the fun of it bah.. Laugh until faint.

These few days are just a little different from normal days. Well, can't explain much why, but it is different. I just have to reconcile those differences and treat them as a new norm instead of considering them special. As you have guessed it, its my sensitivity at work again. Yes, confirm, its just a normal thing!! Haa, sometimes I just hate myself. But, I thank for the differences, makes life more interesting. :) A new norm will be set soon before exam starts. Yuppie.

12/4/06

2006-04-12T08:22:00.000+08:00

Its early in the morning but i want to write down what I saw in my dreams. I had a chance to sit in one of the best presentations I've ever seen. Argh anyway i think its a 312 topic presentation. Can't remember the details. The presenters are my old SAF bandmates. The whole thing was so exciting and entertaining, talking about history of things and events and stories. Its really one thing to learn there.

Who says presentations has to be only the speaker talks? Coordinations can be made for multiple people speaking at the same time.

Who says presentation slides cannot put music and voice recordings? A dialogue can be made between the slides and the presenter. Isn't that cool?

Its a kind of presentation that makes you wanna give a standing ovation to it, and cheer as loudly as possible. Such creativity, where to find? However, would this be acceptable in the work place? It also requires one big head guy to choreograph the whole performance. Its like a big PLAY rather than an academic presentation. Its creativity, passion, and team spirit. OMG. We need a dream team to put that together, and that team in my dream is really a dream team. ops.

I'm coming back to post more at night.... (so free ah dumb qiang?)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

嘿，刚回来。今天听了很多广播，所以感触很多。尤其是音乐日记。
当岁月已久了，情意便淡时，死守，是对的吗？
故事里的人跟男友在一起四年了。她说：“爱得好累”和“感受不到他的爱”
但是故事没有结尾。不知道结局如何。

可是，这一个故事又在一次掀起了“情意”和“责任”的对垒。
感情刚开始时是“度蜜月”时期。时间一久了，责任会开始变成那段感情的支撑。
有些人认为感情一但没有了情意就不算感情了，再拖下去也没有意义。
也有些人认为责任代替情意是一个自然现象，只要了解它就可以跑完这段爱情路。

情，好比一个股票市场，起起落落。
要在这一个领域好好表现就要有心理准备接受风险。
不管你投资的是蓝筹股还是冷门股，只要你对它有信心，就不要放弃。
阿杜说的：“坚持到底”。

可是决定权还是在投资者。
只要你已经看不到那支股未来的表现，那就是时候放掉它。
但是，用股票来作比喻可能太牵强了。事实上还是有很多东西是需要想的。
是你对它的要求太高？还是回报不够多？

回报可能指的是他给你的情意。到了这里又有多一个东西想了。
一段感情是应该只有付出而不需看回报呢？
那一切的一切都是当事人的决定。

你又会是哪一种人呢？

快乐的定义是什么呢？外国主办了一个以这个题目为主的比赛。裁判选了以下的定义。
1）快乐是当一个艺术家完成了作品在吹口哨的时候。
2）快乐是当一个小孩在海边完成一个沙城堡的时候。
3）快乐是当一个母亲做完家事要煮饭给小孩的时候。
4）“我忘了"

以上的快乐都没有和钱和权力撤上关系。而快乐是从每天的小事得来的。

11/4/06

2006-04-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

Quizzes. This first thing in the morning, the professor suan me loh. "All ready to score right?". My reply was "........" coupled with an energetic shake on the head with a twisted look in the face, full of the oh-man-whats-up attitude. Don't give me stress leh... I just want to be an average guy.... or maybe not? Haaa a wannabe!!

I know I'll pass haaa, thats all. And I'm happy enough. Don't care more liao. Any marks higher than the passing mark is a profit for me. Anyway, I'm happy with my performance this sem even though I fell down somewhere through, ah.... I bet being satisfied with myself is more important than how people see me. I know there will be people who thinks "eiyo like that marks also happy". Well, who cares. Haa. I think I leave aside all comparisons. I should challenge only myself and no one else. I should challenge my past results and aim for higher future results according to past information. Thats the Japanese way of looking at things right? Kei-something-tsu thingy..... can't remember.

ok, I am giving myself these 2 days off for me to complete an RPG game which I left it to rot after last holiday. It has been hanging at the same spot loh!! argh. I can't wait to finish it and start on another one. (gaming starts to sound like a job for me liao) . Ya, I play game like working. Schedule, chionging, planning time table, blar blar. And scold myself when I lose in the game. BaKa!!

I need an anti electricity coat. hahaha.

10/4/06

2006-04-10T16:35:00.000+08:00

10% for the 306 quiz tomorrow. 5% for the 304 quiz. Somehow, what pikachu said is correct. Why not just take MC? Then final exam can weigh more. No matter how much I know the basics, I still don't think I'll know the answers for mcq. Its about analysing the question on the spot tomorrow. Knowing myself quite well, I will start at one sentence long long and stone there, thinking about so many things that will take so much time. Then starts to panick, then time runs out.

Now is 4.45pm. At this instances, I don't have the drive to try to get more info into my mind. Although I know I'm not totally familiar with the things yet, I just can't stand looking at such complicated stuffs. Just be myself and walk into the hall smiling with whatever I know right? For those things I don't know, just guess right? Yup, MCQ is like that, for me to guess.

And then at the end, perform like shit like that. Ok decided, let me, for once, act like genius, don't wanna study liao. Leave everything to fate. If I can do well, I can do well. If fate doesn't allow, then I admit to fate. Cool. Then i can feel better.

What did I do to make myself feel better? Ktv session at home. Argh, sound system sucky haaa. Anyway, my aim is to irritate all my neighbours. My dog even got pissed and went hiding. Luckily my parents weren't at home too. I shout my way through. Ya.... crazy loh.

I'm going to play more games now until my guilt builds up to a level that will push me to read my notes again. I'm depending my guilt to work then.

Sickening
To
Read
Excessive
School
Stuffs

-------------------------------------1hr later----------------------------

Hi, i'm back. I didn't play games, I lied. I went for a job (I mean jog), which is as good as wasting time but, in a more productive manner. For health sake. When I was cooling down outside my door, I saw a WASP!! I looked at it, it looked at me, I turn my head and walk the other way, fearing that it might sting me (what a wimp). Then when I turn my head to see if its following me, I saw the WASP, flying the opposite direction, up to the other storey and disappeared. Comical sight to me. If i were to develop a dialogue between me and that wasp, it could be Singapore Funniest Home Video. ....... ok, to cold to be a joke haa.

9/4/06

2006-04-09T18:48:00.000+08:00

Morning is the time that is best for studying, for me. When it was about 3pm, just don't feel like doing anything. Went for a job, i mean jog. Need to waste some energy and get some vitamin D for survival. Bored.

I wasted 2.5 hrs playing PS2 game loh. Nothing valuable is achieved then. Gaming time is always wasting time isn't it? After the gaming session, a sense of guilt.

Somehow, studying much doesn't help anyway. I hate mcqs. I'll always get the wrong answer because i think too much. No hope lah.

The day could be so bored if not for some surprise sms haaa. I don't usually receive casual sms cuz everyone looks at me like an only-work-no-chat person. A wierd monster perhaps. I don't mind people looking at me like that cuz I thought I'm one too. The only thing i need for survival is, machines, food, water, clothing, roof, basically all inanimated stuffs. I bet i'll be able to survive in a room with only 4 wall.

I wanted to read more 304 at night. I guess I'm not in the mood.

一段一段的文章，诉说了岁月累积成的故事。
一张一张的图案，描绘了过去脑海中的记忆。
经过了无数事件，遇见的玲玲种种。这一切都带出了喜怒哀愁。
看着，看着，眼眶也一点一点地灌满了水。
言语无法说明，文字无法写明。
仅此希望悲剧不再重演。命运做弄人。一切太像，太像了。

I bet my blog music suits what i type.... cheers

*hate it when emotional mind takes over the practical mind. Too much thoughts again. faint

8/4/06

2006-04-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

I dread eating things now. My tongue got ulcer..... argh. sian. Anyway my sorrowful music is done heee and its a boring one. Just waiting to post up. But I need to wait for my friend to teach me cuz i donno how to. Hope I won't make my blog readers sleep.

I think I spent alot of time doing funny things for revision. Sigh, anyway preparation is done. Tomorrow and monday are days for "eating" words into my brain.

Oh yes band performance in the evening. I just love the band sound cuz its super small band. 2 tubas, 2 euphos, 2 trombones, 1 horn. 4 trumpets, 3 saxophones, 6 flutes...., 7-8 clarinets. Enjoyed it. haaa.

I need to....

7/4/06

2006-04-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

School today isn't exciting. Bored--> one word explains all.

Went home and rushed myself to finish something. Nearly died. And when I finished it, it was 6.30pm. I happily thought that the concert is 7.30pm. But, the ticket stated otherwise. Its starting at 7.00pm!!

I turned into superman and changed in lightning speed, fly at the speed of light. reached VCH in 30 mins time...... Its my record. Personal best. My leg was shaking when i sat down in VCH. crazy.

So, its that band. Won't name it but its a Sec school band. I'm surprise that the fundamentals have improved tremendously. No wonder can get Gold with distinction at an international competition. Well, sound has improved, tuning seems to be good. But something is lacking. I couldn't indulge in the sound...

Everything seems to be at the loud dynamic. Even at soft passages, the players are using full strength to play those notes.... I wonder. Anyway its good fundamentals because when the notes need to come out, it will come out. It solve one problem but created another. Everything to me was loud, especially percussion (nothing against them but just can't stand percussionist who aren't sensitive to band sound balance). Oh ya, one particular tenor saxophonist was super loud. I can hear a striking reedy sound loh. Well, throughout a few pieces.

Oh the great thing is the tuning sequence. Wow is my reaction. Tuning is good and sound is powerful. Appropriate for tuning notes. But I thought we shouldn't play the pieces like how you play your tuning notes?

Well, I'm only talking about band sound not eupho sound lah. I think eupho ganna flooded again, as usual. We are the pity souls. No one understands the sorrow of eupho. Always get flooded for nothing.

I shall get myself into the mood of composing yet another sorrowful piece. Perhaps I'll post it up when i finish it. haaa

6/4/06

2006-04-06T16:45:00.000+08:00

Bright day, thanks to my new found PikaChu friend. Electrifying experience. Every word, every phrase just triggers the laughing function. I think the cheerfulness is in the mind. How I wish I am that cheerful as well. Looking at the bright side of things. haa.

I'm going to put myself into study again later. I feel abit wierd for next week's quiz because I haven't been doing my tutorial for so many weeks and its the first sem I'm like that. Because of this, I'm not sure what I know and what I don't know. It all seems so wierd, like a missing puzzle somewhere and I can't find. I read alot definitely but when I see those questions, I think too much. But when answers are revealed, I know I know. But I don't know if I would still know if answers aren't given. How? I'm a bit lost here. Cuz all my grp mates have done the tutorials except me. Easy answer right? Just do the tutorial loh! sigh. I got no motivation haaa.

I need a plan. A plan that i can follow and go on without thoughts. I'm just messed up haa. Or is it the perception of too much time on hand that makes me lost. No more FYP, no more presentations, no more things to worry except for the quiz. More time = Lost?

I don't see myself doing my last 2 306 tutorials too loh. What is going on with me!!!?? Why like that?!?!? And I'm skipping next monday's 312 tutorial!! Whats up? I need to worry right? *Confused and blur* Take one step see one step.

5/4/06

2006-04-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

Someone said I'm bubbly. How true is that? Well, thats a great compliment to me because I thought I always giving the damn-you look. The word bubbly is just a little overstatement haaa. Cuz I don't bounce around. Anyway, thats the first time I'm being described that way. Or perhaps I'm not behaving myself in class. Ops.

My day went just like that.... *blink blink*, oh its night time....

Spent quite a long time reading 306 stuffs and its still such a hair pulling experience. How long did I spent? 7 hrs? Then I stopped cuz I know I had enough of it. I need a jog cuz I'm eating too much. fat...

Its 7pm now and the day is still half bright. Wierd. Anyway after the jog, I was just thinking about a person who managed to do superbly last sem. Whats the formula? Innate ability + perserverence + x-factor?

Doesn't look like the qualities I have. I'm happy to be equipped with the ability to understand and enjoy music. Yes.... time to console myself again. Gardners' theory of Multiple Intelligence..... No one is perfect in all areas. Darn.... And I sux in many areas. Ok, here comes the devilish mind and angelic mind fighting inside me now while I'm typing.

Face the music! haa. I am. And as time slips away, I realise.... I'm walking towards the one of the paths that I predicted that I'll take. I will make myself happy, somehow. :)

4/4/06

2006-04-04T16:34:00.000+08:00

Ok what now, I just showed some stupidity during lecture today again. Nothing new, cuz I always show stupidity. Anyway, I was called by the lecture to answer a question which I have no idea what the answer is cuz I didn't read finish my textbook lah... so I guess loh. 2 guys before me answered D (MCQ). I tried to be different and guessed C. He asked me why I choose C. I said "I guessed (he cannot hear), I guessed!!"

"The next time people who guess and get the answer wrong, I will deduct your marks" was the reply..... fierce sia. There goes my participation marks. -ve points again. Sometimes I just hate it when people expect me to know the answers. I'm no genius (once again). Oei, I really donno the answer, what do you expect me to say? "I don't know, but I will find out?" Not every tutor is as nice as Branson loh.

For me to understand the answer, I will have to flip the book and read it for 2-3 hrs. This is the trait of a worker!!!! Talk about work. I will get my engine working again by playing more games? haa It broke down after my 304 presentation.

NO MORE PRESENTATIONS.... HURRAY!

When I got home, sky poured. Seems like it wants me to stay home and don't go library to return books. Its overdue!! I got fine $1.80 loh. Darn. So, nothing will stop me from returning to books, and I wasted like 1 hr walking around tpy. Sigh, and I don't feel like doing anything after typing this. I guess its the weather. Sleep time.

Slice of Life

Dealing With Adversity

Whenever you're in an uncomfortable or challenging situation, you have only three options:

1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation

Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.

The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? And of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.

Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).

We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.

In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"

By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.

3/4/06

2006-04-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

Too many ups and downs for the day. I'm getting sick of the inconsistencies. Inconsistencies = for idiots like me. True, and I admit. Why am I trying so hard? What is there for me to fight for? What can I achieve? What chances do i have to still fight upwards? Climbing is so tough when things are already so predetermined.

First, 304 class. Nice in class activity that catch me off guard. Total defeat back then. This is the medium defeat for me.

Second, 308 class. I really showed my power then cuz today's tutorial is about 307 stuffs. All learn before, thats why.... and the tutor does have cool impression on me. haa I like that guy.

Last, 312 class. Presentation. Super defeat. It was "as average as any average group"(tutor of T01). The higher the expectation, the harder you fall. But this time, she expected more from us.... but she didn't look please. Too many flops done by me too. Never forget to print ppt slides for tutor.... creates bad image.

I don't know why I myself didn't have alot of energy in preparing and coordinating things for this presentation. I knew something is lacking but I just don't have the energy to make things happen, or make changes happen. I couldn't feel the bond and drive within the group. Is it because we are too used to one another (worked for more than 6 presentations already?). Or perhaps I'm just too tired with so many things going on at the same time. I am very very very defeated by the comments she(tutor) gave, but it lets me think through for me to improve for future presentations. Everyone was just too nice to each other. And my big mistake to think that we do not need a meeting for preparation of things to say....

I must confess..... the collective effort by my group isn't there.... we deserve it. We deserved to be average. We are average. Average..... Its a sad case... and the sky concurs with me by weeping for me... again.

KJ: Sorry, didn't perform to your expectations haaa. Anyway, I still wanna say I'm still impressed with you and your sis's performance even though you are crazily busy with things.

Let me DUI for one day. DUI = Don't U Irritate me. DUI DUI DUI DUI DUI. Last presentation that ends with a flop. DUI DUI DUI. Another reason for some people to laugh at my failure.... There are bound to be people smiling at my fate. Are you one of them? haaa

(I'll be ok after sleep. So, no need to talk to me about this anymore. I'll just leave this in my memory closet, lock and put into archieve. Not going to retrieve it anymore.)

Slice of Life

Giving and Receiving (Part 2)

In the last programme, we talked about the dynamics of giving and receiving, and how an imbalance can hurt your emotional health. We tried out a few ways of increasing your receptivity if you're not receiving enough. But what if you're not giving enough?

First of all, tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them - the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, and are awed by. How often do you let your friends and family know how much you appreciate them?

Extend this gift of appreciation to colleagues and associates. Even people you had a brief encounter with; if they impressed you or was good to you or did a favour for you, tell them how much it meant. Be generous with your appreciation. It costs you nothing but it makes them feel great, and you'll feel wonderful too.

When you go to someone else's home, bring them something - some fruit, a drink, a flower, even a note.

Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.

Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that brings people together.

Give away stuff you don't use any more - dusty books clogging up your cupboards and shelves, CDs you never listen to anymore, bags, clothes, even appliances. These things have much more value in them yet in other hands.

2/4/06

2006-04-02T20:59:00.000+08:00

"当初你所唱的歌是你心里的话吗？不用担心，我还是会当做是我多心，因为我知道别人的存在。事实抹不掉。"

Tomorrow presentation and I'm still.... not very prepared. Another impromtu session? Test my ability again? Not much to test cuz no ability haa. But then... once after tomorrow, no more presentations a project. Tomorrow is my last one in Uni life. I shall.... try to charm my tutor tomorrow. *blink blink*

Today got band performance. Play loud loud, not used to it liao. No more diaphram strength. Its time for me to break away from band and go into study stance. Music, leave me alone.

1/4/06

2006-04-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

Yup, I went for a concert in the midst of busy days. Its not a wasted trip. I see great potential in the band, and I'm serious (no joke). Since its complimentary ticket hee, I believe I need to comment on stuffs? Haa. The first piece came with a Bang and I went "WOW". Amazing sound and expression for the Hanover Overture. Most expression and tone colour are well presented. It came with a Bang, seriously. Dear Mr vice president of the band, don't worry so much lah, the sound is great and the tempo is comfortable for 95% of the time. Things are looking good. And the pieces are well received. I think some pieces are even better than what we (another band) played.

Tomorrow got performance again. Sometimes a bit sick cuz so many things to do and still have to perform. Presentation on monday loh. then have to maintain my performance in 304 class also. No time to read, where got quality performance? Think i super man? Think I super genius? Think I super can-read-people's-mind? I got so many things i wanna do but no time? Can I make time? Can I produce time? Can someone invent a device that can create more time? Go into a place and time slows down? Distortion of the dimension? We need science to do more things for us. A device to sleep less, a device to add more time, a device to eat less, a device to make people feel happy just like that, a device that can react to our emotions, a device that can chat with us and understand us, a device..... are we becoming more dependent on machines? I can't live a day without my comp.

Tomorrow need to read tx bk, need to memorise speech, need to read more information about managing crisis, need this, need that.... I hope i'll be happy. I can't make myself happy, only circumstances can. I couldn't do what I preach... "if you think that you are happy, sad things can be happy too".

多情的人是罪人吗? 如果是，那他就有两倍的苦。一，自己带来的苦。二，别人给的苦。有谁会了解这个道理？
容易恨的人是罪人吗？如果是，那他也有两倍的苦。一，因为恨人而恨自己的苦。二，因为恨人而被人恨的苦。有谁会了解这个道理？
容易怀疑人的人是罪人吗？如果是，那他的苦最大。一，因为怀疑人而苦了自己。二，因为怀疑人而被人怀疑。三，因为怀疑而产生幻想。苦不苦？有谁会了解这个道理？

31/3/06

2006-03-31T17:39:00.000+08:00

"对我的宽容其实是更多的痛苦。坦白的面对我才是痛苦的解脱。如果是事实，就不需要躲。"

When busy days are about to pass, the practical side of me slowly subsides, giving more space for the other side to act upon my thoughts. Pain it is and it brings me a thought that I should make myself as busy as possible so that I leave no time for my thoughts to wonder around. Its as painful as can be. Leave no time for me to breathe, then I might live a little happier.

Throughout these years, I've come to understand more about myself. And I am not the person who I thought I am. There are so many beliefs shattered, there are so many traits reformed. And I am quite ashame to know what the kind of person I am today. I shan't be explicit here.

Its dinner time. Eat and shut my mind up. Thats all I'll do.

30/3/06

2006-03-30T17:25:00.000+08:00

Things have ended for 304. So many hiccups. But those hiccups didn't seem to have killed us. We were happy with the outcome and surprisingly, we were spared from exceeding time by super super lot.

I abit dieded for 312. No energy after 304. I think I should rest a while before starting on 312 presentation. 30mins should be enough. SO tired.

One major hiccup for me during the 304 was the failure of the video clip. LUCKILY, luckily, i am prudent enough to copy the original unedited file into my harddisk as well, together with the edited one. When the edited one didn't turn out to be playable, the non-edited one came in at the right time (luckily its still presentable). My heart nearly fainted when we were trying the video.... sigh. But I'm going to post up the edited one, die die.

Oh ya, I donno why the edited one was 500 over MB, and its only 1 minute!! I wonder if its my software.... So bad? Got any better movie making software? I kinda like video editing!! heee. Recommend me okie. Hee I got good artistic mind hee. Even took care of the angle of shooting, lightings and script. muahhahaa Sorry, so BHB. Yes!! it ended!!

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Emperor and the Horseman

A long time ago, in Ancient China, there lived an Emperor.

His estate was vast and bountiful, with rich fields, sprawling hills, herds of robust cattle, and hardworking folk. His people were a contented lot. They toiled all day, farming and tilling the lands, which they did not own. But they had strong, loving families, healthy minds and bodies, and were happy to serve their benevolent lord.

The Emperor lived in an opulent palace, with more maids and soldiers than one could count. He had several horsemen, whose main duties were to act as messengers and runners, plying the immense stretches of China on their trusty steeds.

There was one horseman whom the Emperor specially favoured. He was young and hardy, skilled in martial arts, with a burning ambition and maturity which belied his age. He was also the fastest rider in the country.

After successfully carrying out an especially difficult task for his master, the horseman was called into the Main Court to receive his reward.

The Emperor said to him, "You are undisputably the fastest rider in the kingdom. I have heard that you even rival the mighty winds. As such, I shall make you an unusual offer. Cover as much land as you can on your horse, and that much of land will be yours."

The horseman was consumed by greed and joy. He thought, "What an opportunity! The Emperor has no idea how much land he is about to lose to me!"

Without delay, he jumped onto his horse and sped off, leaving a trail of sand and dust.

The horseman rode and rode, beating his horse constantly. As he rode, he thought nothing of exhaustion and hunger, his mind focusing madly on the large area of land he would cover.

After several days, after he had covered a substantial amount of land, the horseman finally gave in to hunger and fatigue, and collapsed. With his dying breath, he contemplated aloud, "I have been so eager to get as much land as I could, and thought nothing of my health. Now, I'm dying, and only need a small amount of land with which to bury myself."

29/3/06

2006-03-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

I just so excited about tomorrow's presentation that i donno what to type. I'll type tomorrow. muahhaa

28/3/06

2006-03-28T18:08:00.000+08:00

Just when I was about to reach home, I received a phone call. Something happened. Luckily my mum wasn't injured in anyway... I hope. JB is still an unsafe place. Thats why I've always told people that Singapore is the best place. I will live here till the day I'm gone. I have alot of passion for this country and I'm glad I'm in Singapore.

Work seems to got cleared up day by day. I still don't have any idea about translation of numbers!!! So how? When there is a realised exchange gain or losses in the P&L statement, do you translate the exchange gain or losses into the parent's reporting currency? Also, if accounts payable is adjusted to closing rate in the subsidiaries' books, do we need to translate the adjusted balance? These questions must be answered!! I feel so uncomfortable. Its not point memorizing what rate to use for what items in what method of translation. Damn.

6 more days and I'll be a free man from projects and reports. Then I'll turn into the ultimate mugger who might eat books if I cannot understand things. Munch Munch.!!

27/3/06

2006-03-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

"怎么不见了？"

I just saw super presentation done by my friends. Its a big WOW for me. The power of sisters, 姐妹党。Super!

I need to manage my mind, switching between 2 projects. Hard to focus. Kept on questioning "what am i suppose to do now?, what should i do now? what have i left out?"

I'm in a mess. After this week, I'll be fine, hopefully.

Although I'm in this bad situation, I remember that I have another friend who is in a more serious deep shit. I can be considered fortunate?

26/3/06

2006-03-26T16:43:00.000+08:00

Feeling so sick today. Just feel so sick with so many things in my head. I should be feeling the perk on the heavy workload but things just don't seems to go in my way. Just feeling sick, damn sick.

I finished my presentation slides for 304 and speech as well. But still, sick. Cuz I haven't see anything concrete about my 312 report. Wed is the handing up. Sick, damn sick.

And so many things that are damn sick. SICK.

I hate going out with a mind to kill people. 1 hr to going out and I don't know what can i do. I got so much things to study and..... crisis.... I need to relax.... EQ low haa.

25/3/06

2006-03-26T00:19:00.000+08:00

Teach band fun, Band practice at night even more fun. Played funny pieces that made us laugh until we cannot play. The famous rat song. For primary school lah haa.

Time is really packed, even tighter now. If I'm the me thats 3 semester ago, I would have knock my head into the wall and announce myself dead. If not dead, I'll announce that I lose my memory due to shock to my brain and then i can don't care about anything. I just don't know where the calmness came from. Must be something I ate.

I need mental support. The only thing i pray now is that 312 please don't give me problems. Deadline in on wednesday mind you. Presentation for 304 is on Thursday. QUiz coming 2 weeks later. Sunday band public performance, following sat political band performance. tomorrow night watch concert, next friday watch concert. Oi, time time time, where are you? I didn't slack loh. I am making use every minute of my time doing something.

No TV, no radio, rush meals, no games, no casual talk to people, sit in front of desk once get home, parents talk to me i answer "yes" "no" "donno". What more can I do?

24/3/06

2006-03-25T00:59:00.000+08:00

A concert day. So sleepy because this is the 2nd consecutive day that i'm going to sleep after 1 am. Sigh.

Concert was just so fun because I played without any stress. The pieces were just way below my tolerable toughness. The solo for Noak's Ark was just beautifully done but I felt that I was rather out-of-harmony when I was playing those holding notes. Well, not many people would detect it, so who cares!

This concert also signifies my last contribution to NUS band. Come to think of it, I started going to NUS band because of a deeper reason than what I've always told my friends. And the ending of my engagement with NUS band today with this concert is nullifies that reason. Somehow, discovery of certain things can bring sadness. But, I'm glad happiness has found others.

I'm glad to have gone there to play because I get to meet the most able "wife" there. The Eupho! I've also met alot of new friends, and I can really feel the difference of playing in a band with most of the people around your age group. Its good to feel senior than to feel young (Westwinds).

Weekends going to be busy as well. I haven't even prepare my PPt slides for my next week's presentation. I have to teach sectionals for a secondary school band tomorrow, westwinds rehearsal at night, then sunday got westwinds and watch concert (at least someone is accompanying me kudos! don't put aeroplane please). AHHHHHH time time time?????

Well, I'm going to end this by saying, Opportunities slip, need to grab hold. And I will be the person who needs to understand this.