26/10/04

Hi, this is my second posting. After a long thought, I have finally decided on the purpose of my blog. This blog will serve as my online diary. Therefore, I will make an effort to post every night on the happenings of my day. Hopefully I'll have new things to talk about everyday.

I have received feedback regarding my first posting. Thanks to Starfire :). I realised that I need to be very careful when using local (Singapore) phrases when posting. My international friends do not know what they mean. So, in future, I would put in brackets an explaination beside those "special" phrases used. Your feedback is very valuable to me :)

Let me now explain some of the local terms used in my previous posting.

Ntu- Nanyang Technological University
Talk cock- talk rubbish

One more thing is that, you guys can post comments to any of my postings. It doesn't need to be comments. It can be greetings, say hi to me, or say you are here at this time this day. Any. Of course real comments, whether negative or postive, can also be posted. One good thing is that you can remain anonymous. I would really appreciate any comments. For those who hate me in real life, this is a chance to wack me hard. I don't mind really. I want to know how I can improve myself. Say whatever you want. :)

Also, for all my friends mentioned in my blog, I would use alphabets to substitute the names. This is to keep complete confidentiality. :)

26/10/04

Alright here goes. It was a lazy day for me. I really dread leaving my comfortable bed. The weather was perfect for a chess game with Mr Zhou (chinese saying of sleeping). But i have to go to school.

I received my presentation grade today. I really thought it was a goner. I thought I would leave another scar in my results card again. But I survived. Come to think of it, I really look like a cock (look stupid) in the video on my presentation. I saw my unnatural self.

The tutor knew it. She said that it wasn't me who was presenting. I have put up an unnatural front. There was a wall between me and my audience. I did not have fluency in my speech. She even found out that I am afraid of being judged, and I control myself too much.

It is true. She is really great analyst of human behavior. Sometimes, I really wonder if she is a business communications tutor or a psychologist. I do find myself fall into 2 different characters at different times. I am really afraid of being judged by people. I am really bothered by how people think. It is my expectation of myself that led to a change in behavior when i am with my friends. However, for those who know me very well, like M, would know that I am not like that. I just feel that if i become more of myself, I might be too crazy hee.

She is also concerned that i might have problems when i go out into the business world. My expressionless and stern look might cause some misunderstand if i am not careful. I believe everything she said. She really helped me see myself more clearly. I see myself better now. I am really grateful to her.

I will change. I'll try. Its for my own good. I know. I just hope my friends could stand my natural self :).

After that lesson, I was back home after 2 hrs of bus ride. I couldn't fight the urge to fall into dreams. I took a short nap before going into my books again. Exams is coming next week but i'm still playing computer games and doing blog! haha. I need my friends to force me to study. Really. Friends are one of the best thing in life you can have. Errrr i mean those good ones :). I think this posting is really long. Nuff said for now. Dream time.