24/12/05

Christmas eve. Peace.

I'm still finding excuses for my lousy results. Well, I'm starting to reach the stage of internal attribution. Its just a process of blaming. I usually go from external attribution to internal. External meaning everything other than myself. And after internal attribution, the tide will rest. Cool eh?

Well, heres what i think cause it.

(1) Taking 6 modules at one time (4 modules for other people) + FYP
(2) Going for NUS band once a week that leads to a concert performance
(3) Going for westwinds practice once a week (off peak) and twice a week when concert comes near
(4) Teaching a primary school band once a week.
(5) Not building good rupport with the tutors.

Well, its just an excuse isn't it? Some people can manage business, and do lots of things, and get good results at the same time.

And, I know I don't have the reputation of being a genius, so, the things I typed for a report are usually "distorted beyond recognition" (quoted from my friend). It happened for one of my modules where I typed 600 words and got shrinked to 300. Reason given by them was.... repetition, redundant. I didn't pursue further, because I thought they are more credible because one of them is a dean listee. I don't believe my pursuance will contribute to any value. Once again, I'm not a fighter. Normally, I'll just go with what other people say. After I've said my piece, I'll be letting that person to accept it or throw it away.

Then again, everything still boils down to projects and coursework. And so many parts of the markings are subjective in the eyes of the tutor. If he likes you, he'll give high marks. I'm a teacher myself, I know how it feels giving marks (for non-exam part of assessment).

Especially the thing about essays.... many other factors kicks in. Fatigueness, boringness, rushyness of the Markers. They are doing "factory" style marking. If the person before you writes fantastically, then ITE (its the end) for you. Oh yes, essays are usually Impressionistic marking. Its impossible to set a Criterion marking for those kind of subjects. Impossible. Therefore, its subjective once again.

All these seems to show that I'm hiding my failure. Ya, I need to put the blame somewhere, and close the case after settling the feeling inside. It has been 5 days already. Its time to "pack" my feelings up. Its just like the audit process, half-yr review, pre-finals, finals. Now, I'm going to pass a self opinion to say that my results are free from material misstatement based on a Marking standard. My results are true and fair representation of my performance last sem.

Thats it.! (case close)

Tonight, going to feed myself with some photo shots in town to satisfy my artistic thirst. But before that, looking forward to a christmas meal prepared by my mum.

After today, all grudges and hatred should flow down the Singapore river (end point of my expedition from orchard).

(My dog loves me so much that she seems to be my sister)