21/4/05

Sigh, another paper has gone. This time I am serious with my prediction on this module. Unless other people do as sucky as i do, I don't see my chance of getting a great result. This time is bad. After the exam, I gave thoughts to the way I answered the things and frankly speaking, most of the concepts are wrong. I am a bad person, so if everyone does as badly as me, then I'll be able to get the good results. I don't know why I couldn't think properly during the exam. I guess my abilities is limited.

This world is cruel. Few would befriend with me if I didn't have many things. Results is one of them. If I perform poorly, reality is very fast in hitting you to the ground. The only thing people appreciates me is my working ability and thinking ability. If my results is just those normal kind, I believe I would be forgotten real soon. So.... true, I've tasted a sour one today. The paper I mean, sour. Where can I find sweetness? I have another 3 chances for finding sweetness.

I miss those days where I was so confident with Accounts, where teachers believed in me and friends talked to me about work. Those were the days where i know I have certainty getting the best results. Now, everyone is just so good, and I'm just a normal between them. A chinese saying," want to be on the chicken's crown rather than the bull's back." This means that I would rather be an excellent person within the ground of normal people than a normal person in a ground of excellent people.

I hate to be judged by people, I hate to be judged by results, I hate to be judged by the certificate that we'll be getting at the end of the day. Only able people survive in this society? If I only wish for a pass in ever module, would I be much happier? What is the purpose of getting the best results? To show off? To battle with myself? To get a good job? To make my family proud? To gain knowledge? If its for some selfish means, then I know I wouldn't do well. But is my real intent a selfish one?

My last 1 and a half year results won't be good, I can foresee. Getting tired of fighting.