29/6/05

more than 7 hrs of gaming today. That game's story is just sooooo long. I don't even feel that I'm anywhere near completion.

really nothing much today. Game, then Jog. I didn't go to school today. They said they'll email me when they have retrieved the book from the achieve. But till now, they still haven't inform me. Sooooo slow. Sigh

Slice of Life

Managing Conflict and Anger

In this programme, we continue to look at some ways you can better manage conflict and anger at work and in your personal life.

Very often, when we're all knotted up in fury, we say things we don't mean. We use words we wouldn't normally use. So if someone is angry with you, and says things you don't agree with, try repeating the exact words that he is saying to you. This technique helps the other party think about what he's really saying. In a fit of anger, we often don't hear ourselves. Hearing his own words being repeated helps him think about how fair they really are and what kind of impact they're having. It also gives you the opportunity to examine a different point of view. What caused this person to say such things to you? Is there any truth to them?

When something goes wrong, we all feel inclined to blame someone else. Maybe it's survival instinct, I don't know, but it certainly does nothing to help your relationship survive. When disagreement happens, no one party is completely at fault. Take responsibility for your own feelings and the part you played in the situation. It's all about how you say it really - instead of saying "Do you know that you're wasting my time when you're late?", try saying "If you're going to be late, give me a call so I can do something useful while waiting for you."

When you get into an argument or disagreement, take yourself out of the situation and listen to both sides of the conflict as if you were the mediator or the counselor. Try to be sympathetic and non-judgemental, and look for a compromise. There usually is a way for both parties to be appeased. If you can listen and respond in this way you will bring peace and solutions to the conflict more quickly.

For example, in response to an employee's raise request, you might say, "On the one hand I understand that you really need the raise, and on the other hand I represent the company, whose funds are very scarce at this time. Is there a way that I can work on your compensation package that does not involve cash?" Here, the mediator's point of view can look for the creative compromise that takes into account the limits and the needs of both parties.

You may have heard that anger is essential in giving us the motivation and courage to make certain difficult changes. That may be true in some cases, but the damage to health that anger brings has been well-documented. So view your conquests over anger as health treatments you give yourself. It's like going to the gym or eating healthy foods - every time you divert your emotional state from anger, you're doing your body and mind a whole lot of good.