17/08/06

Today is the eve of the 3 years agreement. After tomorrow, the agreement will lapse. But I think I got over and decide on my next course just 2.5 years after that faithful day. But, heaven really want to play tricks on me. I thought I saw her on the bus. I was sitted at the 2nd last row and she just walk in the center to the last row in the crowded bus. At first, I looked her from a far, I thought I was certain it was her. I was ready to say hello when me and her eyes met but to realise, I was mistaken.

The similarity was close to 90%. Hair, eyes, face shape, everything. But I think my gut instinct managed to stop me from saying hi. I am glad i made that restriction.

The tricks played on me were somehow and might be too much for me to handle. Other than the work, its now the other thing. Maybe its another downturn of the cycle again. Will try to pick up soon.

On another note, I think I'm really disappointing my interviewer. Although I don't get to see her often or perhaps at all, I still feel that I didn't live up to my words during the interview. "I really want to learn things, I want to learn, give me the chance to learn". Now I'm really so down and low morale about so many tough things to grasp in Audit.... I really donno if I can survive. Can a slacker/faker/lousy performer hide in the group of the team? Will I stand myself and be the team's obstacle to audit? I can't stand it. One day if I can't keep up with my abilities, I'll release myself from being a burden and just do something that really suits my slacking attitude.

Either I change my attitude, or I escape.... For now, I'll just see how far I can hide from being blamed. I really don't like this feeling. Being a burden for a team. I don't wan.... I don't.... I dread....