06/11/04

Hi people. I couldn't blog yesterday because there was an error in the server. So I blog today. Duh. Anyway theres nothing happening yesterday. I was munching my book. Yesterday was my most hardworking day. After Thursday's fall on my Accounting paper, I finally woke up, and I need alot of work for my Derivative's paper.

However, today I fell again on my derivative paper. I wonder why I am so just blur with things. I have decided to write about it in today's blog. I will use a story style to depict the situation.

30 minutes before the end of the paper

I ended my last sentence on question 5. Looking at my paper, I was so satisfied. This is the first paper that I could finish way before times up. I could answer most of the questions with confidence, and I believe I could finally get it, the grade that I wanted with some certainty. I looked around the examination hall. Everyone was still busy writing with their heads barely touching the table (I'm exaggerating).

I flipped back to question 3, where I have wanted to redo part c of the question. Theres just the tiny thing that I need to add in that requires the whole part to be done again. I know for certain, even if the changes I made is not the correct one, I won't be penalised, because the tutor who is marking this question is one who marks based on whether the student understands the main thing or not. I showed further understanding by doing the additional changes. I am happy.

10 minutes before the end of paper

Wow, I didn't know I took 20 minutes to redo that part. But it is all well and done. I flipped to question 2 and rethink my answer. There just seems to be something missing or wrong. The question asked about something that we have never do before. We have to prove an equation. But I proved it using words. I believe no one has ever thought about proving an equation with words!!

I remembered the words of my tutor and I have chanted what he said, and it helped for this question. I don't think my friends could see the importance in what a tutor says in class. I did, and I always believe that whatever a tutor says in class is words of wisdom. I found some realised that some words could not be used in that question and I have changed some of them.

5 minutes before the end of paper

I flipped back to question 1, where part a and b are answered by drawing diagrams. I looked at it, picturing the derivation of the diagrams. Happily, I tried to confirm that the diagrams are correct by drawing them from scratch.

I was thinking, "Payoff diagram for a Put Bear Spread (Its ok if you don't know what it is). Hmm long one put at K1 and Short one put at K2, so...... wait...... omg something is wrong here. Lets try again.... long one put at k1.... the diagram would look....."

I started to panick. My hands were shaking. My muscles flexed with a kind of tension that couldn't be explained. My mind started to collapse into dark abyss. I stared at my watch... what! 3 minutes. "Why would there be a fundamental mistake here? In the first place, why would I have made a mistake???" I was wondering if I am just worring too much and my first answer is actually correct..... a dilemma in me: To change or not to change? People say first answer is usually the correct one...... but....

I did a third round of mental analysis of the flow of diagrams. I made a decision. Change!!

30 Secs before paper ends

Never have I thought that I took soooo long to think. Theres not much time left. I was so angry with myself. How could I make such a mistake at this diagram? Theres no trap in it, and its sooo direct. My hands were still shaking with anger. I took out my ruler and pencil. I cancelled my orginal diagram. I was breathing hard. Or should I say, I couldn't breathe. I wrote a big fat word," WRONG!" beside my original diagram.....

I took my pencil and scribbled the correct diagram at any space available on the answer page. I couldn't be bothered to use my ruler now, its just..... argh. "Its a damn ugly diagram" I said inside my heart. Next, I labelled it and changed all my letter notations. Everything has to be changed from head to toe argh. Changes has to be made to part b too.

Please Stop Writing

My heart toook a jump again when I heard that. Its the end!! I am not going to get a good grade again. Damn my own mistakes and own negligence again. Why must heaven play tricks on me? This is the second time. Damn.

I looked around. What should I do??? Damn again. I can't care less, I continued to write and looked as though i am finishing my last sentence. I have to think fast and change fast. Save what i can save now. I am sure the person beside me was eyeballing at my direction. I couldn't care. Write write think think... argh Its so hard to think at this point in time. should I change this?? If this change then this must change. And the -ve and +ve sign. Which is which. Argh.

I did the changes without even thinking that whether they make sense or not now. I couldn't check anymore, and assumed all changes ok. I finally gave up when I saw the invigilator is 5 tables away from mine, collecting the scripts. I dropped my pencil on the table and stared at the ugly diagram again. "why must it happen again?"

The end.

Thats what happened. I don't have energy to type other things already. I also went to Band practice. Had fun because my SL finally came back from her trip to japan. Always full of jokes and laughter when she is ard haha. Don't be mistaken my friends, she is already getting married soon. I think its this month. Let me take this opportunity to give her my blessing heee.