21/03/05

Cough cough cough and cough. Sick. Anyway, I'm on mental therapy now. Even though my physical is going down, but i believe that mental mind can bring the physical mind up. And like Lee (character in naruto), hardworking people can always win genius through hardwork and determination. Talking about this, I have a friend who constantly boost about another friend's ability in studying. Thats just quite annoying. I just find that a redundant action, doesn't say anything or proves anything. Perhaps its making me inferior. Anyway, I don't work well in groups that has genius inside.

Like for one of my project groups, because of the presense of genius, I've been underperforming according to my expectations. Perhaps my friends has all labeled me as slacker. I don't mind haha, cuz if I become active in the project, my work might just pull down the overall grade. Might as well slack.

Talk about slacking, I've been slacking from 5pm to now that is 9pm. The only thing i did was to look at a website for one of my tutorial questions. Thats all. I've been thinking that till now i've been fighting so hard to get the best results, but in the end, will I be happy? Cuz good grades comes greater responsibilities, then comes more work, then comes more stress. Should I just tell myself to be myself? Somehow, I believe that I'm not that kind to go into the dean's list. Even if, by sheer hard work, i manage to get in, the stress might even be greater just by carrying that title. If its a struggle to get into that list, then might as well be out of it. True eh?

So what if you are in deans list right? Earn big money in future, people look up to you, but.... where is the life? Perhaps its a different purpose in life. If one tells me, climbing the corporate ladder and earning big bucks is the way of life, then so be it. Everyone is different. Its better to hold something that truly reflects you than to be something that you try so hard to maintain. Yuppie.

From a drama, I've actually learnt that, its not whether you can do a better job than others or not, its whether you love the job you are doing, and whether you value that job more than your life. Thats what makes someone different. For someone like me, who feels deep with whatever things it might be, I wonder what i can do to continue to feel. Listening now to Joe Hisashi's songs, I could feel it. Every touch on the keys of the piano means something. Every sound it produces tells a story. Looking at the corporate world outside, does it in anyway allows one to sense the love and care in the society. Sigh, and sigh somemore. Even now in schools, no way would there be mercy.

Reflect and Progress.