2/02/05

I couldn't... I really couldn't brush away the thought that people might me unhappy with my way of working in projects. Its really making me uncomfortable. I hate the thought that if something bad is to happen to the results of that essay, fingers might point at me. The fear of failing and being pointed at.

One of the group member seems to be saying implicitly that the essay we have written isn't up to standard, and that other people's one is much better. I don't know what other people has written but I would wish for the best of what i've written. Actually most of the essay was written by me, so if its bad, then its me. How do you shake this kind of feeling off? Sigh.

But alas, the essay has ended. I would want to hide my abilities in grps that i'm not familiar with in the future. As i've said before, my performance has always been relative to how other people perform. If I have a strong grpmate, i'll lie low and be a supporter. I can't take heavy responsibility. Thats it.

My studying engine has started to slow down. Exhausted now. Its true that one needs to balance normal life with school life, or else too much of one thing will make your body off balance. You won't be able to perform that well then.

My body isn't holding up properly.... been feeling so yellow. Hope it hasn't come that soon. At least wait till i finish my studies. Haha i think i'm just being paranoid. I'll be fine.

I love the way my dog greets me when i get home. Wagging tail, moving back and forth to get my attention as i put down my bag. Sometimes i really wonder if she understands me. I could tell her all my problems and she won't get annoyed haha. great

Slice of life

Whatever May Come, Whatever May Go

Sometimes, when we encounter problems, we allow them to grow so large and menacing that they block out everything else. Like an eclipse of the sun, we are caught in a darkness that, for a moment, threatens to shut out the light forever.

We all know that the moon is tiny compared to the enormity of the sun. It only appears to overshadow the sun because of its shorter distance from us.

In the same manner, our problems sometimes seem insurmountable and the solutions cannot be found. We allow the problem to become so close to us, that life seems pointless. We disregard and neglect the things which can still give us joy and meaning.

Sara Teasdale writes about her encounter with a wise old man, whose simple creed enabled him to keep the joy in his eyes through the ravages of the years.

I saw him sitting at his door,
Trembling as old men do;
His house was old; his barn was old,
And yet his eyes seemed new.
His eyes had seen three times my years
And kept a twinkle still,
Though they had looked at birth and death
And three graves on a hill.
"I will sit down with you," I said,
"And you will make me wise;
Tell me how you have kept the joy
Still burning in your eyes."
Then like an old-time orator
Impressively he rose;
"I make the most of all that comes,
The least of all that goes."
The jingling rhythm of his words
Echoes as old songs do,
Yet this had kept his eyes alight
Till he was ninety-two

A short and simple tenet for us to keep in our minds, for the times when loss and disaster threaten to darken our hearts?

"Make the most of all that comes, and the least of all that goes."