29/9/05

I was so tired. I had a class at 0830, then had a meeting at 1030..... then met until like 1630..... hmm. But when the time was 1330, I cannot commit myself to much of that project discussion because I had already planned 3 written tasks to be completed by 1630. But in the end, I could only finish 2 written tasks.... that means all my planning for written work have to push 1 slot later. I will have to spill over to next week schedule now. But, what to do? That project has to be handed in tomorrow.

I think my attention span was quite weak. I couldn't think much about that project after a while. I really don't know if I could really contribute anymore, so I moved on to my own work. I somehow felt the unhappiness of my grp mates... but I cannot afford to give up my own work to do something that i'm not very good at. There are currently 2 more pressing projects to complete, excluding the core modules project...... I don't know if they'll understand but..... people seldom understand me, cuz when i tell people what i'm facing, most would think that i am giving excuses.

One example, that time, when I was in BMT, I fell sick almost everyweek without fail. I had to report sick to see the medical officer. My friend said that i'm acting. I told him i'm concerned for my health. He doesn't believe. I pass out from BMT as Pes B that time. But when i got into my unit, a health checked showed something...... it was true... I'm just not that fit. No one believes me.

The world is not as understanding as people think, and people's behavior changed so quickly that its so hard to detect. I don't know why i got myself so many things to do.... but few people would believe me. And they would think that i'm whining... and whining, and being a wimp. I seldom put my complaints to words.... I don't tell those things to people, cuz i know... people are not as understanding, no point complaining. Just work until you die right?

I don't know how people out there would think about me after they read all these things. I just feel that I, as a human, have limited abilities too. One would have to manage their expectations on me as well. I often have to make choices on the things that I would want to put more emphasis for regarding work. Time is one big lacking resource form me. 4 hrs of travelling everyday is no joke. The fact that i managed to make use of that 4 hrs and do some productive work is a great achievement i think.

Being in 3 bands (1 part time), teaching a school, taking 6 modules + an fyp to handle, two online kingdom management games and a blog to handle are no joke too. Sloting activities into little time slots is what i usually do. For me, I have to look at where are my free time slots.... for most people, they are looking at the time they need to do work.

I think i better stop this stupid vomiting of my suffering self thoughts. Someone people might get so sick about it.

For the band practice at night, I practically anyhow played. I didn't care about tuning, and I just stuffed my ear plug into my ear so much so that I can't hear all the blasting made by other people. Its either that my ear is hearing things louder, or the band has become so confident that they play out so much more compared to last few weeks. The lights has caused so much headache. I really derive negative utility today. Anyway the concert will be over by this weekend. Strive for survival.

Slice of Life

Expect the Best!

There is a universal law that whatever you expect, you tend to attract. That's why many of us don't get the results we want. We may desire the best, but how many of us really think it's possible? How many of us consistently expect the best?

Throughout the early years of your life you may have learnt to expect the worst. It may have been because your parents were like that and you've adopted the same manner of thinking. Or, it could simply be a negative attitude. But, that too, could have been picked up by associating with someone else.

Or maybe you've developed negative expectations because of past bad experience. Because things have turned out unfavourably before, you believe that they'll continue to bad. Because you failed before, you find it that much harder to believe that you can succeed the next time round.

But to desire prosperity and success in life, but yet, always expecting misfortune, or to be continually doubting our ability to get what we truly want, is like trying to reach east by traveling west.

A person cannot consistently doubt his or her ability to succeed, and then succeed. These thoughts of doubt will always attract failure.

When you are faced with a difficult circumstance do you expect the worst or the best? Whatever we expect we attract. If it's your habit to always expect the worst you're simply adding fuel to the fire, creating more negative circumstances that will create more negative expectations on your part.

Your beliefs and expectations are the driving force behind your behaviors and your results. If your expectations are fear driven, they will impair your normal functioning and keep you from making positive and long lasting changes in your life.

The good news is, your beliefs and expectations are just habits. Whatever reasons you have developed these habits, if you want to truly change your results, you must, absolutely change your habits of expectation and learn to expect the best.

Like I said before, the reason we possess positive, or negative expectations, is simply due to habits.

A large part of our current circumstances, whether they be positive or negative, are a result of our faith, belief, and expectations. If we want to change our circumstances, then obviously, we need to change our faith, belief, and expectations.