17/10/05

This is my 365th post for my blog. 1 yr, perfect. I wonder what brought me to start this crappy place. Was it the urge to tell people about myself? Was it the place to put all my memories down? Was it a place for all woes and complaints? Was it a place to express feelings and ideas that couldn't come out of my mouth in reality? There are just so many things running through my mind everyday but I just couldn't verbalise them. I just lack the linking gel in between my left and right brain. They operate seperately i suppose.

Talking about brain functions, I've witnessed the best brain power ever. That person is non other than the one in my 206 class. That person was able to speak so fast and think so fast and remember so fast that I thought that person's mind is running on the latest processor technology. Amazed by the speed, volume, and fluency, that person might just be the best i've seen so far. No cue cards btw.

Its october.... 2 years have passed since that faithful day. Well, memories fade as time goes by actually. I can't even remember the exact date where I made the agreement. I'm just disappointed about myself. 1 more year to test myself. To know myself more. Somehow, I have the answers to it already. Thou shall not tear people's relationship apart haa.

My Band instructor called in response to my terrible email. I guess I was a bit over fiery on my tone and words. He got overwhelmed and he requested me to just called him instead of writing such things. Ha. Well, I was surprise that he is "on my side" for this matter. I hope i don't get another person into trouble for this. My colleque... seems to be getting alot of scolding... I don't like to engage myself in any action that would cause my friends to suffer. I would rather be the one who suffers. I will only defend myself if and only if no one is "hurt" in the process. I hate politics.

Just when I thought my blazer would have to stay in my wardrobe for a few yrs before seeing the light, it has made its debut today. "Onto the battle!" sounded in my mind. Like what our leader says, the "armour" would give you a boost in confidence and lets you feel that you are invinsible. And after this semester, my presentation style has made a great change. Its for the better. My next step to improvement is to use smaller cards instead of big A4 paper as cue material. Next sem perhaps? One problem.... how to put all my sentences into those small cards? faint.

A strange phenomenum was detected today. It seems like my friend's dream might turn out to be true haaa. Thats something interesting to note. Not going to spell things out here, cuz i know the related people would read this somehow.

(Time passes, minutes lost. I chose to filter so emotions out. I use my mind to shut my heart up. Whenever it started beating the "wrong" way, "corrective" actions are done. Why why? I couldn't stop the corrective actions. The system up there is so rational that such corrective actions come so naturally. I couldn't bother, I couldn't care. I see too much ugliness in reality. It makes me worry, wonder. Fearful. The heart is the culprit. Ugliness lurks. Uglily ugly- if there is such a description. Knowing too much about human behavior just makes me a wierd person.... I could see the ugliness too much clearer than anyone else. Ignorance is a bliss.)