11/10/05

不知道为甚么我今天会想要用华语来写我的日记。我知道这样写可能会一辈子都会写不完，但是我还是想试一试。写到这里，不知不觉已经十五分钟了。真是狼狈。我还是用英文写比较好。

A bold attempt, a strong emotion. Chinese words are definitely more expressive. A few phrase can speak a thousand emotions. Perhaps my blog readers can just imagine that i'm typing chinese for the rest of my blog.

When I woke up, I found that I didn't have to go teach band. They have exams today. Ah, less cash but more time. I have to make full use of the time i have. So, I complete my 2nd draft for my FYP chapter 3 first section. Sent to tutor and he replied like in an instant. Nearly fainted. Then I typed out my speech for my GE presentation for tomorrow. Then looked at my 205 slides and think about what i have to say. Didn't type that out though. Then researched for my 311. So amazingly irritated by all those news report. So many things to do. I gave up. I send all those reports to my friend to settle haa. I'm really good in Tai Chi.

I have come to another conclusion. When you have more time to do things, you will tend to work slower. That happens to me. I'm behaving like a snail today. Most of the time, i'm staring at the screen, doing nothing. Oh.... at the meantime i'm doing all those work, i'm memorising and recognizing the music pieces that i'll be tested on friday. Dah!

After all those work, it was 5pm already. Hmm 8 hrs of work and only that little accomplished. Faint. After that, I went out to do some photocopying stuff. I can't believe that i'm going to apply for D&T, a firm that my friend doesn't like. All documents ready. I've also made application to PwC yesterday. 3meg of attachment, i hope they will open it. Sigh.

I walked around in Toa Payoh central, listening to my music, in the world of my own. I'm just giving my emotions a little therapy. The sound track from Windstruck really massages my heart. Sometimes happy, sometimes sorrow. Where has my feelings gone to? Why am I so worried with things, not work related. I think, if i cannot maintain, why start. And, if eventually, it might end, why start. I don't know.... is name so important? Dah.

Slice of Life

A Single Step

Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu famously said "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

Indeed, as with everything in life, we learn by taking one step at a time. We may fall down, but we get back up and take another step. That is the only way to learn and to continue growing. In such a fast-paced modern world, however, some of us forget that principle. We try to run, inevitably trip and take a very painful tumble.

Some of us put off this journey of self-discovery and empowerment; we model ourselves against other people, we learn to suppress our genuine selves in order to fit in, we are terrified perhaps that if we opened ourselves up and looked in, we might not like what we see.

Well, like it or not, that's a risk we all have to face. With high risk comes high yield or a big loss. Unfortunately, most of us prefer to live in denial. We go about thinking the best or the worst of ourselves, until one day we fall down into the mud and we actually have to face ourselves. Who are you? What makes you special? What makes you YOU?

There are four basic steps that we need to follow on our journey.

Step One - Be prepared to look at yourself and admit that every bruise, every fall is all your doing.

Step Two - Surrender, let go of the idea that you should control every event, and have faith that everything you ask will be given to you.

Step Three - Sit down every day and write. Start a journal and every day record the events of the day, paying attention to your reactions to events, experiences, and people. Classify your reactions for what they were, whether they be anger, jealousy, resentment, joy, love, or self-pity.

By identifying your reaction and classifying it as your reaction to an event, you will come to see why you are acting as you are. Why you would react angrily in a situation that does not require anger; your own feelings and responsibilities.

Step Four - Ask why. "Why do I become angry in that situation?", "What is my deeper hidden feeling about this type of situation?". Start recording your "why's" in a separate book. In this book, record all your experiences and incidents of your past and how you reacted to them.

You will soon start to see that your current reactions can be traced back to past situations. Sooner of later we must admit that all our reactions are a result of our desires, expectations and our ego. Once you can trace your weaknesses, you will find ways to deal with them in a more constructive and positive way.