18/11/04

First day of my holiday. Things happen in the wrong direction. I think I'll start off with the happy things. I started watching Winter Sonata. The scenery is just so beautiful. I once told my friend that the actress in Winter Sonata doesn't look nice.... I think i have to take back my words. I actually gave that comment because the actress was in short hair when i saw her. Doesn't suit her i think. But then, in the first few episodes of the show, she was having long hair. Well, its true that hair alter 70% of a person's image portrayed to other people. Researchers also pointed out that women with long hair appeal more to guys. I wonder how true is that. Hee, its up to you.

Now for the unhappy thing. I accidently blurt out to my mum that i lend some money to a friend, and she started telling me off. Things started to snowball and it became a quarrel in the end. I am really disappointed about how her thinking about money is. Why must one view money as such an important thing. It is true that it is hard to get the money back after you lend it to someone, but since that person is in need, why not? And most of all, I earn that money because the person who borrowed money from me gave me the chance to earn that money. This is to repay the favor back to him.

Money is something that you don't bring into grave. It is created by human beings as a basis of exchange for goods and services. Is money the most important thing in life? Or is having enough enough? When one lives in poverty, can that person be contented to live that kind of life? She said," you must hug you money tight. since you are entitled the money, why give others? And since you are always not willing to spend money, why give it to others?" Her views and my views are different. And one funny afterthought is that, since the money is already loan out, would quarrel bring those money back instantly?

People say that guys could generally only be troubled by 2 things. One is Money, the other is Women. Hmm I wonder whats for girls? My mum is quite an interesting character because she seems to think more like a man. Ops.

In this quarrel, I am surprised that I am going all out to defend my position. I have read that guys are lousy in arguments, especially verbal ones (brain structure), but i have tried to prove it wrong. It has been more than 6-7 yrs since she last scolded me. I am very very surprised that I actually rebutted her. She must be shocked by my response also. One general information to all people out there, during an argument, please take note of your heart beat. As one's heart beat rises, you will start to make no sense in what you are talking and would more likely use words to attack the person rather than discussing about the matter. I nearly fell into that trap, but i know.... she didn't. She scolded me "stupid", I told her," don't call me stupid"

Because of this quarrel, I'm still having a cold war with my mum now. I feel really terrible, and angry too. She feels angry with me.... but..... that money is my money and that guy helped me earn that money, why be angry? Maybe she think that i'm stupid..... my father is not spared as well," your dad is stupid, you are worst" Sigh.... If all people know what not to do during quarrels, then things would be nicer eh. I went for a jog to cool myself down. I feel like drinking, but... I don't know. I should drink only when i'm happy, not when i'm sad. But its more usual to drink when sad. Any takers? I'm blank now. I am free till next wed when i'll start teaching in Poiching again.

And... because of this quarrel, my composing today took a turn in its purpose. I was suppose to compose for a tuba duet for my friend and me to play for a concert (hopefully). In the end, I composed a song to mark this day where I actually quarrelled with my mum. In the past, Words fly one way (from my mum to me). Today, words fight. fun?... no. I couldn't quarrel. In the end, I usually end up in slight tears. What a wimp. But I call myself emotional :)

So... if anyone wants to hear my latest composing, you might just wanna ask me, and i'll send. Not fantastic but its called ," Despair with Hope". I think the middle section of that song is a cock (means rubbish). Haha you'll know when you hear. Oh ya, I took about 5 hrs to compose this song hee Midi format

Slice of Life

"Turning Pain into Blessings (Part 2)

In this programme, we continue to look at how we can learn from our painful experiences to create a better future.

One of the hardest things to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. But it is probably the biggest step to take on your path to recovery and improvement. Grudges, unresolved disputes and hatred all conspire to ensure that your future is forever overcast with dark feelings and thoughts.

So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with the pain of the past. Not only do you need to forgive the offender, you also need to forgive the people who didn't help you the way you expected, the people who helped in the wrong way, and the people who unwittingly made things worse by careless comments or actions.
Next, logically, you must forgive yourself. Blaming yourself for mistakes in the past is one of the most self-destructive things you can do. All this forgiving seems tough, almost impossible you think, but do you remember about seeking out the gifts in your pain we discussed in the last programme? That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have cause to be angry with anyone. Whatever they did, whatever you did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.

One of the benefits of dealing with your past pain mindfully instead of stuffing your emotions is that you won't have to repeat that lesson. Your awareness has evolved to a higher level. Pain and misfortune is a part of life. You cannot escape it. But with your new outlook, you are now open to learning your life lessons with much less pain while receiving more gifts.

The past does not define us. Each new day, you have the power to re-create yourself. It is important to understand though, that our past affects where we are starting today, and it can help us understand our current journey.

So reclaim the blessings hidden in the pain of the past and look forward to a brighter tomorrow."

Erm, I just killed a mosquito that bit me while i'm typing this. Another day.