2/12/05

I didn't feel good. Not at all today. Spent half a day doing stupid things that are not necessary for the work. Ask so many people about things, in the end, not very useful. My leader told me to follow up on this, but he didn't say exactly what I should do. So, i thought.... maybe i'll do this and this to make sure the documents value tie here and there, then I can update the excel files and say that there is no exceptions on this sample. But then.... after finding so much information from the people there through their accounting systems, I felt something was wrong, my gut feeling..... then I called the one who was in charge of this section and asked her. So..... I had to see the hard copies of those things..... what a wasted effort.... alot of trouble. Lesson learnt.... never do something unless you are clear about it and knows that it will contribute to the outcome.

Work ends at late 6+ and have to pack everything from the client's place to the office. Guess what..... 2 people, bringing tonnes of work papers and files back. Worst still, 1 guy and 1 girl. I carry all the files, and the girl carry my laptop. I kinda feel so sucky actually. Where is the teamwork here? 2 makes a team? ok, perhaps. I accept that explaination.

Then whats up next? I don't know if my sim card on my phone is really so lousy. Perhaps my msgs aren't sent across to the intended party. I kinda gotten sick about this liao, even though i've kinda gotten used to it. Yes, gotten used to it. I should just sleep and don't think so much.

I just kinda feel so sucky today that I want to just complain my way through. Ah.... guys shouldn't complain so much right? Guys who complain are seem as wimps right? what the hell. I suddenly feel darkness again..... must be the Jay's songs. Why do I feel so much? Why can't I be a tough and heartless person. Bully everyone in my way.

I bet theres so many people enjoying themselves now. I'm just gonna look forward to sleep and see who is going to accompany me during my sleep. Its a place of no pain, no sorrow, no reality. Only happiness, celebration, peace, dreams. Going for a walk in my dreams.....

Slice of life

Bonding With Your Partner

In any given moment in our relationship with our partner, we are in one of two possible intents - the intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, and the intent to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.

Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviors. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviors have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear is triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.

In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.

However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.

In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? Do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?

When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish. Candles, flowers, vacations, and so on are simply icing on the cake.