11/01/05

"I've been searching through the dark, finding my way. In this cold and lonely path, I sense the tiredness in every step i take. The smell of the damp floor, the sound of water dripping from the ceiling, sent shivers to my shoulders. The dangers I faced, the unknown ahead, the fear I sense in every step, makes me wanna just stand there forever. Just be a statue, that couldn't feel anything. Just be a robot, that does whatever people tells me to. Just be a dog, that follows around. Just....."

Today, I am really experiencing a walk in a dark cave. I was given :"please do this." And that is all I know. To complete this, there are so many things to learn, to try, to do, to experience, to think, to encounter. Heres something I tried today, without any help from any senior. I hate this feeling of lost.

1) Email and call someone who I don't know just to ask about the Bloomberg system at this unknown floor (luckily i could confirm with a friend). Worst still, I emailed 2 person cuz the first didn't even bother to reply me. The second person replied like 3 hrs later. Before that, I was already on that floor, trying to figure out what to do with that system. I stood at that damn machine for 5 minutes, looking at person someone to help me.... well, I am alone. Then someone walked in, someone who wants to use that machine. And this is the chance, ASK. "How to.... this, how to .... that?" I have to actually learn how to use it... myself. The only thing that person taught me is...... well, you can use the help function inside. "Ok thankz", I thought.

2) Since that system is fully booked (I check through the booking list, which i happened to see.... no one tell me that I have to book beforehand. I know I know, its common sense. Duh), I called my IC telling her that. She said," ah? need to book one ah?" "Damn", I thought. "Ok let me call the client to see if you can use their machine there." *after a while* "ok, please help me to collect a document at this tower, go change pass from the lobby, go 10th floor, call this person, then go use their bloomberg machine", she said. That is all I know. I went, and I called.... damn this person didn't pick up the phone, and I called 5 times before the call was routed to another person. I told this person what was my purpose and..... got routed to another. Before I hear that another person's voice, I got cut off. "damn", I thought.

I called another 2 times, before someone actually asked me what I want. The original person didn't appear. "I need to get this document, blar blar, and use your...... bloomberg machine", I said. Immediately, the "WHAT!" came. And I explained that some arrangement must have been made between my IC and their people. "I was so bold", I thought. I finally got "invited" inside their office, with that person's face, totally black, stating "why the bloody hell are you here?"

So, I talked to another 3 new people inside who simply has no idea why I was there. Damn, so I explained. I got the document I wanted. I also went to the bloomberg machine and..... damn, even more crowded. I called my IC again.... "Help!" I thought.

In the end, I went back to office..... I looked like a bloody ass, carrying my damn laptop to and fro. Luckily it wasn't raining. I parked myself at the bloomberg floor, and did more work. If the original work isn't enough, there was more.

3) I was asked by my IC to..... make an overseas call...... and ask for some excel files and documents to be faxed over. Problem..... 1) fax number? 2) how to call overseas? 3) no phone at my seat? 4) How about the tonnes of work already on hand?

I happen to see this collegue and tried to ask about the overseas call casually. I need a PIN NUMBER, and I don't have it. "Damn", I thought. Ya, and I need the charge code??????

Then.... a light shined when I saw that email address of my oversea target in one of the emails sent from one guy to my team IC. Phew, no need to call oversea, thank goodness. I sent an email over, but I still need the fax number. So, I sent a message to one of my senior in a previous job..... no reply. (where are all the people when you need help?) No choice... I had to call my team IC for the 4th time (making myself look so stupid and useless to my IC again) for the fax number.

She told me.... " I still need you to call that person because I need that document urgently. Oh ya you need a pin number, do you have it. Nevermind, I give you mine." "Now then you tell me," I thought. Finally, she told me how to make that dreadful overseas call. I have never made an overseas call in my life. For the first 8 times of calling, I missed out the 019 and tried all permutations of the method of calling. Luckily the overseas calling system is mechanic, or else that person would have scolded me "YOU ASSHOLE" for bothering them so much. I think the machine might spoil after I called so many times.

I got through to that person, and .... he don't know what information and documents we need even though I sent such a thorough email to him. He requested me to send a sample document to him. Ok, "damn", I need to fax overseas as well?????? so many new things to try today? Another problem..... the documents i have contained client sensitive information. So, I called my IC AGAIN????!!!! Of course, she told me cannot send.... "so how am i going to tell that guy what info we wanted," I thought.

Here is another initiative again (I hate to take initiative). I took the headings of all the info from that client's document, and tries to explain what those headings mean. I sent over to that overseas guy through email, and called him to see if he understands. *No more contact with him after that*

*back track* I forgotten to mention about the traumatic experience in learning about the bloomberg system. Actually, after I learnt how to get the info I wan, I find myself so dumb about those questions. I used the function "IB Help" and went into a chat room with the help desk. Hello!! I know nuts about that bloody system, practically 0 knowledge. Don't even know how to log in loh. I have to look for clues, and I did. But I couldn't enter the words I typed. I cannot even backspace words. So.... no choice, I have to bug someone AGAIN?! Luckily that person is much more helpful and friendly. Malays can sometimes be very friendly. Every race, in fact, will have friendly people.

So, the system hanged slightly, she told me. So, the whole system restarted. And, yes!! I can type into the chat box now. So, chat chat chat.... ORH!!! like that ah. Ya, but.... what do those symbols mean??? the help desk person typed, "enter this 6733 (ticker number) EQUITY (in yellow) QRM " " perhaps you can use the ALLQ function.

1st question.... where to type this kind of commands? So i search high and low. I still donno, so I typed in the help chat "so where do I enter the commands?" She replied:" enter at the place where you do normally." "Wah thankz ah, nice answer", I thought.

In the end, I managed to figure out... after a while. So I worked on it. Then another problem came up. And I "Chat" again. This time, that helpdesk person has to call me on the bloomberg phone in front of me to help me. But a commotion here as well. That person called and.... "can I look for blar blar (not my name)?" "She is at her table," I answered. I didn't know its for me, cuz I was using another person's log in ID. Then I found out after asking that Blar blar person. Haaa, made a fool out of myself to the helpdesk person. At least the problem was met.



Hmm, what an Ass day. These few days of job made me feel certain things. There are things even the seniors don't know and they will ask the newbies to so called "go-and-try-and-die". If the newbie can get things done, good. If not, then can point fingers at them. "Because they didn't do the job properly" This is why, I am doing things based on the idea of "As-long-as-you-get-the-job-done-I-don't-care-what-you-do". I think that I have a very bad evaluation because I asked too much questions. And its NOT FAIR because we can't rate our seniors back. When they are expecting too much from us, we cannot complain. When they don't explain things well, we cannot complain. When we don't have the resources to complete the work, we cannot complain (for example, IPower, Overseas call PIN, Offsite server Function, VPN, Retain3 file).

So much for the one of the toughest day as an Intern. I should be able to get more things done tomorrow since I sorted out all necessary things, eg. using bloomberg machine, call overseas.

Looking forward to lunch tomorrow for a good chat.