16/4/07

I'm starting to feel the stress senior has. The difference is, seniors will have the knowledge enough to solve any problems juniors like me face. For me to think of solutions to solve problems of people even more junior than me is..... not an easy task. I don't like the feeling. I think I'll ask for help.... help..... (as though thats gonna help)

Because of this problem, I don't have mood to do anything tonight. My body is feeling strange as well, so tired, so lazy. Just don't feel like moving. But I know, thats signs of other things... but I'm gonna ignore for now.

I hope things will get better as days go by. Anyway, I feel that my current job seniors are nice. They joke and chat quite a bit but that also means an increase in inefficient time... who cares?

I'm looking forward to the day when I officially hand in my resignation letter. I really can't stand using my brain so much now. I really wanna do music, something that needs a little talent and alot of perseverance. I want to do something that a worker like me can excel in. I don't need to be super talented to be successful in it.

Thats all i wanna say for now.

15/4/07

Does one have to twist their face so much during singing to make themself sound good? Well, if that is the case, I shall learn. Equipped with a unique voice, Yui's glitter surpassed all who went for the audition with Sony Records. She isn't those type that you'll say she looks like goddess. But with that kind of voice, I bet she'll be able to warm up many hearts.

Somehow, these few days or perhaps this week was not as good as I thought. But then again, I'm recovering from it at a quick rate. I guess music healed me. Sometimes I really hate heavy rock but then again, Yui's heavy rock didn't seem too heavy for me. Maybe its at tolerance level but still tolerable.

I like the sound of a tuned guitar. When one strum's a chord, the chord rings in harmony. I like that crispy sound. I can feel it. Music... not heard, but felt.

Today went to watch a free concert performance in Esplanade. Watching it alone isn't that bad eh. I can look around the hall while the music is going on. I can close my eyes, I can do whatever I want. After the concert, I can just walk out and go wherever I want.

The freedom of being alone. I can choose to have idols in my heart. I don't know why the stereotypes would think that any guys who idolise girl actresses would be because of "dirty" minds. Can't guys idolise female actresses or singers? There are all sorts of other reasons too. Like, because of the sweetness, because of the smiles, the heart, and how the actresses drew tears out of guys.... can?

Just a little side track here. I don't know who'll be reading this blog but, whoever you are, feel free to tag me. You can remain as anonymous, i don't mind. Sore Ja, thats all for today. Lets hope one day I can type my blog in japanese. heee

9/4/07

I'm experiencing alot of new things lately. New experience, new thoughts, new feelings. Well, let me list them one by one.

First is about my job. Currently, working as an audit associate. Its a shit life. But then again, my life till now in audit can be considered one of the best life. But I can't foresee myself staying here for the next few years. The work and stress that one has to take is really too much for my capacity. I don't have a very stable mental state. In fact, there is a violent soul inside me. I know I might one day punch someone if I stay in this audit field longer. The only thing that can calm me down is music. I'm moving away from audit, into music.

It was during a weekend when thoughts flooded through my mind. Without much thoughts at that time, I chose to be a musician by signing on as a regular in the SAF bands. I know I'll not be given alot of money but I know my mind can reach a stable and safe state there. My audition was in January and I passed my IPPT on 7th March. Till now, I'm still waiting for them to call me to confirm my application. They are.... really slow.

Second, I have decided to try alot of new things and to pursue what I've not manage to have time to do in the past. I started practicing my keyboard alot. Bought music books to practice. Through these few weeks of practice, I find that my left hand's dexterity improved. How amazing it is for my left hand to play something which I thought i could never do it. Even typing on the computer keyboard becomes faster. (english is still as bad, i know)

After watching a jap drama series, I've started to regain my interest in guitar too. I've gotten back some of my books which i lent to some friends long time ago. Its time to get back everything and leave nothing hanging over...

I've also started to gain super interested in the Jap language. I went to library to borrow books, and did whatever to know the language more.

Now, I really want to learn as much things as I can. I'm 24 now, not much time to live on. If my max age is 80, I would have to earn enough by 60 for retirement. But I will still want to work even after retirement. There are alot of things which I want to try.

1) work in a retail industry
2) learn how to bake cake
3) stay in Japan for a few years in the future
4) sit in a racer's car and experience the thrill
5) perform on stage with a world class orchestra in future
6) Conduct my own band and get recognised

Regarding music performance, I won't be majoring in Euphonium. I've taken the challenge to start learning Bassoon. I hope I'll do well. No matter what, I'll put in my best to learn it well. Behold..... the man with tonnes of determination is back. Chiong loh

8/4/07

I'm back... (I wonder why I'm back) after so long of the dormant period for postings in blog. This time, I write with no specific audience in mind. Just for myself.

One post is definitely not enough for what happened since the last time I posted. There were tonnes of experiences, feelings and regrets (if any).

It is only recently that I've decided to give up playing maple story and put the time elsewhere for other things.... other more meaningful stuffs.

Seriously, I've spent way too much time on useless gamings. I don't know what I've learnt from it other than.... getting bullied, scolding ppl, see the real world and how kids are growing up in this new computer age.

These thoughts came soon after I watched some Japanese dramas. They taught me alot of things. They also re-enforced some of my philosophy in life.

Time is ticking every moment and really, seriously, life is fragile. Make full use of all the time you have to do something meaningful, to yourself or to others.

As for my inner self, its really up and down throughout these 4 mths. And believe it or not, I've decided to move out of audit. I'm aspiring to be a full time musician, satisfying the thirst in my heart for some warmth. The coldness of the business world does give me shivers. Way too cold.

Today, I visited a place (in the online world) and noted something which made me wanna come back to write. I find that fate is playing tricks... and I've left a clue behind. If that person manage to solve it, then.... its really... perhaps unbelievable. I thought my mind has already settled down... but again, it was shaken slightly which made me left the clue. How... dumb, I thought. Well I can't be bothered so much, just wanting to live my life to the fullest now, even if i'm just alone.

Hitori janai. music ga arimasu. Ima wa ukashi ga gambarimasu. Ja mata.