31/03/05

I'm entering a state of Dong1 Mian2. Today is so cold. But, I went jogging. Its the second time after i recovered from my bad flu. Well, exercising just makes me so sleepy in the morning. Now i sleep so nicely during my bus ride to school.

Anyway, I've started to behave differently now. And its a good way. I wonder why I change my behavior so often. Its just tooo volatile. Who likes a person with highly volatile behavior? Just like a share or income level. No one likes a fluctuating share price and income. Well, now i feel calmer and more peaceful. After making myself going through some music therapy, I've gone into dream again. Its in preparation for the final dash for my exams. This sem is going to be a tough tough one.

My mind too a turn when my friend told me a good news. However, no one knows whether that news is true or not. Anyway its about school. Not going to put any details here. Currently, I've only told 2 person. After hearing the news, I need to work even harder to get what I want. No matter how doubtful I am regarding this semester's modules, I'm just gonna do my best and leave everything else to fate. I don't resign to fate but... sometimes you just have to believe in it. As long as i do my best, I am accountible to myself. A chinese saying goes like this," planning depends on human, success depends on heaven". Quite true.

Oh ya, last week I twisted my ankle after walking out from a lecture hall at 10.30am. Today, I went to that spot and smile at my dumbness. The uneven ground was just so small. One word, "Suay".

Slice of Life

The Seven Wonders of the World

A group of geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of that section, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World.

Though there was some disagreement, these got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:"

1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear

She hesitated a little, and then,

5. to run
6. to laugh
7. and to love

Just because some things are in abundance doesn't make them less precious. Mothers delivering their babies occurs regularly enough, but think about the amount of effort, sacrifice, agony, and endurance that went on nine months before. And all the possible things that could've gone wrong but didn't. All the complexities involved in conception, pregnancy, and the final delivery, and how everything worked together to create another life - a miracle in itself.

Things like the Great Wall, the Pyramids of Egypt, may be wondrous in the sheer immensity and architectural genius involved, but these are not the things which make life worth living. Seek out the true wonders of the world - your family, your friends, your ability to appreciate and enjoy the simple things in life.

STORY BY UNKNOWN AUTHOR

31/03/05

I'm entering a state of Dong1 Mian2. Today is so cold. But, I went jogging. Its the second time after i recovered from my bad flu. Well, exercising just makes me so sleepy in the morning. Now i sleep so nicely during my bus ride to school.

Anyway, I've started to behave differently now. And its a good way. I wonder why I change my behavior so often. Its just tooo volatile. Who likes a person with highly volatile behavior? Just like a share or income level. No one likes a fluctuating share price and income. Well, now i feel calmer and more peaceful. After making myself going through some music therapy, I've gone into dream again. Its in preparation for the final dash for my exams. This sem is going to be a tough tough one.

My mind too a turn when my friend told me a good news. However, no one knows whether that news is true or not. Anyway its about school. Not going to put any details here. Currently, I've only told 2 person. After hearing the news, I need to work even harder to get what I want. No matter how doubtful I am regarding this semester's modules, I'm just gonna do my best and leave everything else to fate. I don't resign to fate but... sometimes you just have to believe in it. As long as i do my best, I am accountible to myself. A chinese saying goes like this," planning depends on human, success depends on heaven". Quite true.

Oh ya, last week I twisted my ankle after walking out from a lecture hall at 10.30am. Today, I went to that spot and smile at my dumbness. The uneven ground was just so small. One word, "Suay".

30/03/05

Blog 30/3/05

Can you believe it, I got pissed by the same person again. Lets just name that person D.

It started this way. I was walking along the corridor when I saw D walking towards me. I made a small wave to signal hello, and D did the same.

“Hey have you seen it?” D asked.
“See what?” I replied, quite unsure of what D was asking.
“ You haven’t see it? “
“ What and what>?”
“ Have you checked your email?” D continued
“ Haven’t yet.”
“ Wa lao! Damn slacker!” D exclaimed
“ Thankz ah” I said, as I turned my back halfway, trying to get away. (40% boiling.)
“ You go and see, I’ve typed already. I don’t understand your point form. Donno what” D said.
“ Ok, I’ll see later, ok.” Replied with my back facing D. I can’t stand it anymore.

Well the background of the story is that I was allow to type my points of an essay in point form, and D offered to type them out. So I did. Well, you might think that it’s just a small thing, but tell you, working with D isn’t such a nice thing cuz whatever you say, D would just dispute it. So, if D thinks I’m a lousy group member, I’ll grant that thought. Self-Fulfilling prophecy. I can’t be bothered to change that thought.

First reason for me to boil, D didn’t tell me that the email was sent already. Second, I can’t be waiting at the computer and keep on checking the email for the document. Third, telling me that I’m a slacker, not justifiable. Forth, telling me that you don’t understand my point form in that tone doesn’t make my effort look good. So, I’ve done something that gives you problem? Then don’t ask me do it next time.

Well, that much for the complaint. Now I’m beginning to get back to my music mind. I have started to buzz my mouthpiece every night without fail. Thankz to the Swing girls (jap movie). One more observation: if you look into the sky when you listen to orchestral music, you’ll get a different feeling.

That’s all for today. Lets see if more bad things would befall on me again.

Slice of life

Stay Young Longer!

Humankind has always been obsessed with living longer, even forever, with stories of kings commissioning Elixirs of Life, and countless anti-aging treatments and herbal infusions that claim to prolong youth. There're also medical experts who believe that the causes of aging have cures; they simply haven't been found yet.

This quest for immortality has gained further momentum with the Methuselah Prize or M-Prize reaching one million dollars (Mar 2005). The growing prize, offered by the Methuselah Foundation, is designed to stimulate anti-aging research with the ultimate goal of making us all live forever. The prize offers awards to researchers who make significant advances in extending the lives of lab mice - on the assumption that the work will lead eventually to extended human life.

Well, I wouldn't hold my breath for that, but gerontologists do claim that 70 percent of the aging process is controllable with the right lifestyle choices. The traditional aging process that our society has adopted unnecessarily relegates middle age people to early decline. Now this I believe is true.

Aging is inevitable but getting old is strictly an option. You don't have to buy into society's model for how people age. Take charge of your life and refuse to shrink into the typical, fossilised old age we've come to accept as normal.

Observe old people. What is it about their "oldness" you would like to avoid? How strong and flexible are you, mentally and physically? Keep and improve what you can, while you can! You know, Youth makes us arrogant. Everyday we look into the mirror and see a seemingly unchanging image. We like what we see, so we do nothing. By the time we start worrying, it might be too late.

Also, plan your financial future. Health is paramount, but wealth helps a great deal. And avoid the ultimate social disease. It's called retirement. Once you internalise that you are no longer productive, that you no longer have goals, decline sets in very quickly. Everything slows - movement, reaction time, thinking, walking, talking. The mind and body go into a shutdown mode in preparation for the final event - death. So, even if you stop working, continue contributing and being useful. Re-wire your life to embrace new activities and ambitions.

Immortality might still be a pipe dream, or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it, but it's in our best interest to try to stay young and productive for as long as we can. Reach out and savour the best of life!

29/03/05

I just couldn't understand myself. Why would I be so affected when I know that other people are better than me in terms of academic? I shouldn't right? Everyone has their own talents, and i know I don't have the studying talent. The thing i have would be the effort in studying. Can hardworking people beat genius? That question is also raised in Naruto.

Well, I am actually not bothered whether other people gets better results than me or not, but there are just some people.... who keeps on boosting about the friends around that person. That person isn't any great in terms of academic, but the friends around that friend is just so powerful. So that friend keeps on saying how great the friends around that friend are. And keep on saying that the friends say that this way in doing isn't correct. Or, whenever I suggest something, I would either get rejected immediately or my friend's friends would be consulted. I gave up. How could people be so insensitive. Other people might be damn good with their work, but..... I'm not. If i don't have the substance to produce so good report, then I don't want to clothe myself with so good report that is not totally done by me. Integrity at stake.

This sem is just hell for me. This sem makes me think about my own abilities again. This sem makes me think about my adaptation ability in terms of working with people who i don't know. This sem makes me think whether my aims are too high to reach. This sem makes me think whether I can live in a high-stress environment. This sem makes me think whether I could be in the business world in the future. Too many questions to think about, too few answers.

I'm starting to feel how inferior people feels in school. At first, I wonder why they didn't contribute anything in class or projects. I also wonder why they don't work hard to pass everything. Now I know. Its in the hearts, and the environment and social environment breaks it. I wonder if I have been a bastard before. Working with me is also difficult. But now, my flame dies, destroyed by this sem alone. 2 more sems to go. I hope i don't deviate too far away from what I wanted. Now I just want to sleep. I..... me and myself.....

And sorry, slice of life can't save me now. Maybe later.

Slice of life

Keep Swimming!

Too many people give up just before the tide turns. Like a man dying of thirst in the desert, who lays down to his final rest before seeing the oasis just beyond the crest of a sand dune.

How sad it is, to have thrown in the towel too early. What a waste! And to think salvation was so close!

Here's a poem about two unfortunate frogs and how a determined will to survive saved one of them.

Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl.
One was an optimistic soul.
But the other took the gloomy view.
"We'll drown," he lamented without much ado,
and with a last despairing cry, he flung up his legs and said "Goodbye."

Said the other frog with a steadfast grin,
"I can't get out but I won't give in,
I'll just swim around till my strength is spent,
then I'll die the more content." Bravely he swam to work his scheme,
and his struggles began to churn the cream.

The more he swam, his legs a flutter,
the more the cream turned into butter.
On top of the butter at last he stopped,
and out of the bowl he gaily hopped.
What is the moral? It's easily found...
If you can't hop out, keep swimming around!

How easy it is to just give up, to see the world through a doomsday screen and abandon it. Courage and faith are required to persevere and make the best of every situation.

If only the other frog had known how simple it was to get out, I'm sure he wouldn't have given up so easily. But life is such? we never know how simple some things really are, though they seem impossible to achieve.

It is only our faith and optimism that helps carries us through the most seemingly insurmountable odds.

POEM BY UNKNOWN AUTHOR

29/03/05

I just couldn't understand myself. Why would I be so affected when I know that other people are better than me in terms of academic? I shouldn't right? Everyone has their own talents, and i know I don't have the studying talent. The thing i have would be the effort in studying. Can hardworking people beat genius? That question is also raised in Naruto.

Well, I am actually not bothered whether other people gets better results than me or not, but there are just some people.... who keeps on boosting about the friends around that person. That person isn't any great in terms of academic, but the friends around that friend is just so powerful. So that friend keeps on saying how great the friends around that friend are. And keep on saying that the friends say that this way in doing isn't correct. Or, whenever I suggest something, I would either get rejected immediately or my friend's friends would be consulted. I gave up. How could people be so insensitive. Other people might be damn good with their work, but..... I'm not. If i don't have the substance to produce so good report, then I don't want to clothe myself with so good report that is not totally done by me. Integrity at stake.

This sem is just hell for me. This sem makes me think about my own abilities again. This sem makes me think about my adaptation ability in terms of working with people who i don't know. This sem makes me think whether my aims are too high to reach. This sem makes me think whether I can live in a high-stress environment. This sem makes me think whether I could be in the business world in the future. Too many questions to think about, too few answers.

I'm starting to feel how inferior people feels in school. At first, I wonder why they didn't contribute anything in class or projects. I also wonder why they don't work hard to pass everything. Now I know. Its in the hearts, and the environment and social environment breaks it. I wonder if I have been a bastard before. Working with me is also difficult. But now, my flame dies, destroyed by this sem alone. 2 more sems to go. I hope i don't deviate too far away from what I wanted. Now I just want to sleep. I..... me and myself.....

And sorry, slice of life can't save me now. Maybe later.

Slice of life

Keep Swimming!

Too many people give up just before the tide turns. Like a man dying of thirst in the desert, who lays down to his final rest before seeing the oasis just beyond the crest of a sand dune.

How sad it is, to have thrown in the towel too early. What a waste! And to think salvation was so close!

Here's a poem about two unfortunate frogs and how a determined will to survive saved one of them.

Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl.
One was an optimistic soul.
But the other took the gloomy view.
"We'll drown," he lamented without much ado,
and with a last despairing cry, he flung up his legs and said "Goodbye."

Said the other frog with a steadfast grin,
"I can't get out but I won't give in,
I'll just swim around till my strength is spent,
then I'll die the more content." Bravely he swam to work his scheme,
and his struggles began to churn the cream.

The more he swam, his legs a flutter,
the more the cream turned into butter.
On top of the butter at last he stopped,
and out of the bowl he gaily hopped.
What is the moral? It's easily found...
If you can't hop out, keep swimming around!

How easy it is to just give up, to see the world through a doomsday screen and abandon it. Courage and faith are required to persevere and make the best of every situation.

If only the other frog had known how simple it was to get out, I'm sure he wouldn't have given up so easily. But life is such? we never know how simple some things really are, though they seem impossible to achieve.

It is only our faith and optimism that helps carries us through the most seemingly insurmountable odds.

POEM BY UNKNOWN AUTHOR

28/03/05

I..... have no mood to add anything. Btw, tremors felt in Singapore. I felt it too. For a moment, I thought I got giddy because i work too hard. Nope, I'm dreaming. It was the tremour.

I give up on myself.


Slice of life

Don't Let Your Mind Hold You Back

Do you often think to yourself "I would like to do that" but another thought immediately follows - "But I don't think so". You don't think you have the ability, don't have the money, your parents would disapprove, your friends would laugh at you, and so on.

But it's really none of those things. It's only your mind that's holding you back. It's your inertia that wants you to remain in a safe arena, instead of going out there and making things happen. We all have the potential to succeed in life and do great things. What we don't know we can learn. What we can't afford we can earn. And don't fall into the common trap of allowing how others perceive you to interfere with your goals.

What we see as obstacles are often put there by ourselves; put there by our minds. And our minds were shaped by our history, our experience - the way we were raised, the area we lived in, the schools we went to, the first jobs we had, the friends (or enemies) we encountered, the people we idolised (or feared). All these contributed to our way of being.

What you do now can be traced to your past. In response to various stimuli, we learnt various behaviours, ways of, we thought at the time, "protecting" ourselves. Those ostensible "safeguards" are now shackles that encumber us.

So how do we overcome the restraints that our minds place on us? Well, first, you have to stop thinking. That's right, in order to teach your mind to stop feeding you those crippling thoughts, we first have to cripple your mind.

Instead of following a path that is run by your head and what you think you ought to do, go with your feelings. Do what you feel is right. Don't let your mind hold you back. Awaken your feelings. The stronger your feelings towards a particular action the more you overcome the filter on your brain.

How do you know you have the right feeling? How do you know you are on the right path? Simple.

When you are on the correct path and doing what is right for you, you feel great. Everything appears to be in sync. You may be doing something for hours and it feels like minutes. Your face is all aglow. You're really enjoying yourself. In short, you stop evaluating what you are doing and have started to do things you never thought were possible. You are performing naturally, everything is "right".

As Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank once said, "I realised that I really created my own obstacles in life, and if I just got out of the way of myself and let my mind not hold me back, I could do things I never thought I could."

27/03/05

Remember The Queen Symphony that i talked about? Well its the ochestra piece that my friend, S, recently gave me. The piece is just amazing.... but... guess what.... the symphony was written for the pop group, The Queen. I can't believe it. And this ochestra piece incorporates some of the pop songs. Faint.

Today I actually spent 5 hrs on work but i don't remember learning anything. My learning mind has already been wrapped by a bubble, nothing goes in, nothing comes out.

I went to Philwind's concert today. The first half was by the Phil Youth winds, so it was appetizer. The main dish was the second half, Philwinds. Highlights.... 3rd symphony by james barnes. It was about the death of his daughter and the birth of his son. During the first movement, the unique sound balance during one of the outburst of emotions created a feeling in my heart. I could feel it directly from the heart. Fear. Despair. Its the clarinets.... very clearly, its them. Well, I didn't tear during the 3rd movement, so i guess i have become stronger.

i have become a person who doesn't care about work. Its like a person who contracted a deadly disease, lost all hopes, and waiting for death. Of course, physically i'm fine, its just the mental state. sigh. Tomorrow is an important presentation but i don't feel a pinch at all. Why why why? Where has my fighting spirit gone to? Would I be down forever just because I met with a downfall during the sem? I've been beaten. Give up on the exams because my course work sux. WHat would my results be for this sem? Stay tune to find out. Darn.

26/03/05

Strange strange things happened today. Anyway, lets start from the morning. I've really engaged myself in a slacking mode. I woke up 8.30am, can't remember what I did, and only started work at 11.30am. Managed to finish that work at 3.30pm. What a long lousy tutorial.

Then, I wanted to go for a swim. Heres the strange thing. The sky was quite dark, but no signs of rain yet. I wanted to go for a swim to fix my lungs hahaa. I guess the haze really did enough damage to it, so the swim would be good for my lungs. When I was packing my stuffs, the sky started to drizzle. Then I thought, oh sharks, can't go. So I unpacked. When I've decided not to go, the rain stopped. So I thought, since its still way before dinner, I should go, so I repacked again. This time, I was totally ready, and I opened my door. Rain Poured. Argh, another signal for me not to exercise? This time, the rain was even heavier. It just seems to signal me not to go, and perhaps give up on the thought of going. Then after I've unpacked everything again, the rain stopped. This is really strange.

Well, I have a tendency to read signs from nature and rare events. In my mind, I'll form a correlation between those events and the actions that I take or would take in the future. I'm kinda strange person myself.

Today, I've been mesmorized by some ochestra music and Final fantasy music. The Queen Symphony, Melodies of Life, 1000 words, Sudeki.

Come to think of it, my day was kinda useless haha. Play too much. Feels a bit sinful inside but then.... i just want to do it.

25/03/05

Today I managed to force myself through that lousy tax tutorial. Tax is just so complicated. Anyway, the highlight of today is that I watched 2 movies with my buddy, S. 1st movie is Howl's moving castle, 2nd is Robots. Well, both makes people laugh, but seems to lack something in the 1st movie. It lacks the human touch hee. I don't know, maybe I'm starting to pick on movies. My kind of movie needs to be funny, touching, and emotional.

I haven't been going out for such a long time, and this is one of the very few days for me to have a chance to explore the changes in society haha. Inflation seems to have cause our meals to be more expensive. What to do? haha. My heart lighten quite a bit after today's enjoyment. I've already prepare myself to slack for the next 2 weeks before I turn on my engine for the final burst before exam.

My throat isn't recovering. It has been 2 weeks or 3 weeks. The haze is still making me coughing my lungs out. I wonder whats cooking out there haha.

My buddy gave me another cd that contains music pieces. This time, the Queen Symphony impressed me. The emotion could be compared to the 3rd symphony by James Barnes. I just like this kind of pieces.

Slice of life

Demotivators

There is a type of crab that is almost impossible to catch - it is agile and clever enough to get out of any crab trap. And yet, these crabs are caught by the thousands every day, thanks to a particular human trait they possess.

The trap is a wire cage with a hole at the top. Bait is placed in the cage, and the cage is lowered into the water. One crab comes along, enters the cage, and begins munching on the bait. A second crab joins him. Then a third. Crab Thanksgiving. Yummm. Eventually, all the bait is gone.

The crabs can easily climb up the side of the cage and through the hole, but they do not. They stay in the cage. Other crabs come along and join them -- long after the bait is gone.

Should one of the crabs realize there is no further reason to stay in the trap and attempts to leave, the other crabs will gang up on him and stop him. They will repeatedly pull him off the side of the cage. If he is persistent, the others will tear off his claws to keep him from climbing. If he persists still, they will kill him. The crabs -- by force of the majority -- stay together in the cage. The cage is hauled up, and it's dinnertime on the pier.

Anyone who has a dream -- one that might get them out of what they perceive to be a trap -- had best beware of the fellow-inhabitants of the trap. These "demotivators" do not usually use physical force -- although they are certainly not above it. They generally don't need it, however. They have more effective methods at hand, and in mouth -- innuendo, doubt, ridicule, derision, mockery, sarcasm, scorn, sneering, belittlement, humiliation, jeering, taunting, teasing, and lying.

And that was an article written by Peter McWilliams.

We are all capable of great things. No matter how lousy you may think you are, you possess gifts that can be developed to achieve something in life.

We are often our greatest enemies, the demotivators that prevent us from scaling the heights. However, very often, it is the people around us who are the worst culprits when it comes to crippling our efforts toward achieving our objectives.

People sometimes do this unwittingly, but very often, their labours at wearing you out are purposeful and can take very palpable forms. As far as possible, keep away from these people, and don't let their disparaging words shake your faith.

24/03/05

I realised i have forgotten to post on the 24th because the online game is really too exciting. The kingdom is going into war again. Thats fun!

Somehow, i've discovered another thing. Humans need hope. Humans need anticipation. Throughout these few weeks of routine, I find that the routine actually makes one's morale very very low. One needs to set a plan, to work, as well as have fun. Having a fun time planned before hand can make work more interesting. You will look forward to it and finish your work better and faster.

This also explains why people buy 4Ds and Totos. The hope element is there for one to move on.

So, to all my friends out there, plan for enjoyment when doing work. Being so faithful to work is not going to make you work better. As I've always said, law of marginal returns kick in as more and more time are put into studying. So, balance up. For those who have enjoyed too much, the returns from enjoyment isn't that great anymore, so put some effort into studying and you'll make your fun time even more enjoyable.

Another way of thinking the balance of life is that, if you have not exercise for a long time, you'll find that the things you eat aren't that tasty. But after you finish a session of exercise, you'll find that the food you eat are tastier. Whether you believe it or not, depends on you.

Slice of life

The Quitter

Ah? quitting. The convenience of giving up. Of dropping your burdens. Of choosing the easier path. It sure makes things easier. But does it make things any better?

What's more important is? does it make you a better person?

Here's a poem by Edgar A. Guest, a little tale about a quitter.

Fate handed the quitter a bump, and he dropped;
The road seemed too rough to go, so he stopped.
He thought of his hurt, and there came to his mind
The easier path he was leaving behind.
Oh, it's all much too hard, said the quitter right then;
I'll stop where I am and not try it again.

He sat by the road and he made up his tale
To tell when men asked why he happened to fail.
A thousand excuses flew up to his tongue,
And these on the thread of his story he strung,
But the truth of the matter he didn't admit;
He never once said, I was frightened and quit.
Whenever the quitter sits down by the road
And drops from the struggle to lighten his load,
He can always recall to his own peace of mind
A string of excuses for falling behind;
But somehow or other he can't think of one Good reason for battling and going right on.

Oh, when the bump comes and fate hands you a jar,
Don't baby yourself, boy, whoever you are;
Don't pity yourself and talk over your woes;
Don't think up excuses for dodging the blows.
But stick to the battle and see the thing through.
And don't be a quitter, whatever you do.

So if you're feeling particularly saddled with problems, and are contemplating giving up the fight, I hope you're feeling a little more motivated to hold on and give it that extra push.

POEM BY EDGAR A. GUEST

23/03/05

When I thought today was going to be another same boring routine, my friend msged for a small gathering. Although there were only 3 people, it was a fun chat. Just surprised to find out another long relationship went into nothing. But, tomorrow will be better.

Then, I suggested to them for a movie. Swing girls, a brass band show. Jap show to be precise. Its just so interesting and funny. All band members should watch it. I've learnt some practicing technique from there too. And, I also found out more about myself.... hee won't tell anyone.

My mind seems to recover rather quickly. With more and more things cleared (i mean work), I could see the peace in the mind. The calm water. The best way to stay happy is..... a blank mind. No other thoughts, no other feelings.

Jazz music rocks!! Why constrain oneself to the rigid structure of melody and rythmn? Its time to play freely, and one should enjoy playing. yeah hee. How I wish you could get an instrument in Singapore as easy as in Japan. Trombone would be a damn fun jazz instrument hee.

Slice of Life

Ways to Worry Less and Accomplish More

Worry is such a loathsome thing. You know you'd probably be able to do more without it, but sometimes it simply refuses to leave you alone.

Here are some ways to worry less and accomplish more:

Don't think of problems as difficulties. Think of them as opportunities for action.

After you've done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go onto the next thing.

Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, sleep. Don't allow yourself time for abstract thinking.

Don't concern yourself with things you can't do anything about. Armchair generals don't win battles, but they do have nervous breakdowns.

Don't procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now.

Don't pour woes and anxieties to other people. You don't want their sympathy...it'll merely make it easy for you to feel sorrier for yourself. Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day's work.

Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry helps shatter poise and self-confidence, and contributes to fear and anxiety.

If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps-link rungs in a ladder...one at a time. And don't allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you've executed step number one.

22/03/05

After much turbulent during the last few weeks, my mind has come to a state of so called zombotic (if theres such word). Resembles the economic cycle (boom, peak, contraction, trough) eh. But the band teaching session today seems to have given me some happiness. When I look at some of my favourite students, they just give me a sense of job satisfaction. Its just feel good to be appreciated. Not mentioning I was called the "act cute boy" when they saw me with the new hair cut, and "handsome boy" when i wore office wear there.

Is teaching a way for me? I haven't imagine myself with that image in mind. I think it needs careful planning. Not a bad idea actually. But, that means no more Singlish, no more hokkien, no more messy hair.

News: The recent divorce rate is the highest so far recorded. An most divorce relates to couples who are married for less than 5 years. And those who have no children are more likely to get divorced. What the hell. I like to research on these kind of things but no time haha. Sociology hee.

People call me the guru of relationships haha, they are crazy. The more you know, the worst it is. If you have heard of Chiong2 yao2, she is a damn good writer of romance novels, but she has a broken marriage.

I've set my mind to ignore any work throughout my next 3 weeks. I'll adopt a hack care attitude and behave like a hateful free rider. 3 more weeks to study break, and then exams. After that, its holiday, where i'll do what i want to do and enjoy while working for final project. I wonder how many pieces would I write then. Melodies are hard to come, and most often I forget the best ones that i could come up with.

Slice of Life

Maintaining Positive Energy

We all face stressful or challenging situations. For some of us, we encounter them on a daily basis. In order to deal with these situations effectively, and bounce back from them, we need positive energy. Running out of positive energy can mean burn out, depression and illness. You can't work, you can't sleep, and your relationships suffer.

Springing back after a stressful time requires a storehouse of reserve energy. How can we generate and conserve enough energy to keep us resilient in times of crisis or stress?

Equanimity is a state of mind that is rarely disturbed under great strain. It's the practice of a certain disposition, stability, and balance. So how can we achieve this?

Balance includes taking time daily for relaxation and doing things we enjoy. You'd be surprised how many people don't devote enough time to this. Some people don't even think about what truly gives them joy and pleasure. Sure we all like catching the latest episode of "Frasier" or "Desperate Housewives", but would something else give us more satisfaction? What about walking the dog? Jogging by the beach? Painting? Or making music? Give it deeper thought and you'll find that you're actually missing out on a lot of things you would enjoy doing daily but simply don't think about doing them.

Start a Joy Book. In it, write down or include things that give you joy. They can be activities, jokes, recipes, poems, greeting cards, photos, stories, quotes and so on. Anything that makes you smile, laugh, daydream or sigh sentimentally. Each day, make sure you do at least one of the things, or truly relish it. This is a great way to replenish the energy consumed during daily living.

And maintain total wellness. Take care of your mind and body. Eat nutritious, healthy foods and exercise regularly. We can perform better under pressure, and recover from setbacks by strengthening our spirits, minds and bodies.

It's easy to resist making necessary changes in our lifestyle. We would rather not acknowledge habits that work against us. Change is uncomfortable. However, it is an unbreakable spiritual law that whatever we resist will persist and thrive by consuming our energy. What are you resisting that could be stealing your energy now? Maintain a store of positive energy and you'll find yourself more resilient to the stresses of daily life.

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz/">What Gender Is Your Brain?

Link is http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz/

21/03/05

Cough cough cough and cough. Sick. Anyway, I'm on mental therapy now. Even though my physical is going down, but i believe that mental mind can bring the physical mind up. And like Lee (character in naruto), hardworking people can always win genius through hardwork and determination. Talking about this, I have a friend who constantly boost about another friend's ability in studying. Thats just quite annoying. I just find that a redundant action, doesn't say anything or proves anything. Perhaps its making me inferior. Anyway, I don't work well in groups that has genius inside.

Like for one of my project groups, because of the presense of genius, I've been underperforming according to my expectations. Perhaps my friends has all labeled me as slacker. I don't mind haha, cuz if I become active in the project, my work might just pull down the overall grade. Might as well slack.

Talk about slacking, I've been slacking from 5pm to now that is 9pm. The only thing i did was to look at a website for one of my tutorial questions. Thats all. I've been thinking that till now i've been fighting so hard to get the best results, but in the end, will I be happy? Cuz good grades comes greater responsibilities, then comes more work, then comes more stress. Should I just tell myself to be myself? Somehow, I believe that I'm not that kind to go into the dean's list. Even if, by sheer hard work, i manage to get in, the stress might even be greater just by carrying that title. If its a struggle to get into that list, then might as well be out of it. True eh?

So what if you are in deans list right? Earn big money in future, people look up to you, but.... where is the life? Perhaps its a different purpose in life. If one tells me, climbing the corporate ladder and earning big bucks is the way of life, then so be it. Everyone is different. Its better to hold something that truly reflects you than to be something that you try so hard to maintain. Yuppie.

From a drama, I've actually learnt that, its not whether you can do a better job than others or not, its whether you love the job you are doing, and whether you value that job more than your life. Thats what makes someone different. For someone like me, who feels deep with whatever things it might be, I wonder what i can do to continue to feel. Listening now to Joe Hisashi's songs, I could feel it. Every touch on the keys of the piano means something. Every sound it produces tells a story. Looking at the corporate world outside, does it in anyway allows one to sense the love and care in the society. Sigh, and sigh somemore. Even now in schools, no way would there be mercy.

Reflect and Progress.

20/03/05

I finally finish watching the korean drama. Its called The Bride. Super highly recommended. I just feel so touched at the end. I can't stand it. Totally unrealistic scenario, but i'll still want to believe that its somewhere out there. That show just brings me to think about all the relationship issues, and the current situations in the society that we are seeing today. This just pains me. Well nothing much to pain actually. Its the evolution of the roles of males and females.

Someone once told me that I give them a feeling that I'm a very traditional guy. I don't know what makes them think that way, but I think i'm just not totally a traditional one. I'm just mixed inside. Because of all the things i've read and the life i see out there, thinking would be mould in a way different from the traditional one. Although I feel that the balance could just be bigger in the traditional or even prehistoric times, this just couldn't happen now.

Because of the change in the current society, economy, rules, and thinking, roles of males and females have taken a great turn into one big mess. Perhaps some of you might not see it as a big thing, or perhaps its a better thing after all. I guess everyone has their own views. Haha I think i better stop here. I'll type a full essay on this when i have more time. Its pretty late.

Anyway, I feel damn touched by the show. Its really too good. It shows how a marriage should be, not just a legally binding status. Its for all people out there to reflect. It somehow puts forth to me the question of," do you marry the one you love, or love the one you marry?" The different just lies in the sequence. And also, the big question is, do you want your partner to love you more, or you want to love your partner more.

My answer to that is that it doesn't matter what the sequence is, and it doesn't matter whether you love your partner more or whether your partner loves you more. This reason is clear. First, love cannot be quantify, and it cannot be measured. Second, the level of love doesn't stop there when marriage comes. It moves up and down. Whatever it is, the thing is that, there will be a balance in the end. Consider if you have love your partner more, then you will do more things for him/her. If your partner is a human, he/she will know that and feels that. In turn, that person will do the same for you. That is status quo. A cliche," it takes 2 hands to clap." You know what it means.

The reason why people breaks up so easily these days is that, the culture has changed dramatically. If you want to talk about theories, then it just mean that the cost of breaking up has diminished dramatically as compared to the benefits of breaking up. In the past, the virtue of faithfulness, loyalty, understanding, determination, and beliefs, all plays a part in getting things together. Now, who cares about that? The constant flooding of western cultures, and the increasing number of foreign people staying in singapore has created this new flow of culture. Its like water added with wine, more blurred.

Well, all these are just my thinking. I just feel too much.

Today's band. I finally reconciled with my euphonium. I communicated with it by taking it to a private place, and played something that reflects my feelings. It seems to have understood me and cared for me. I was able to play well today, as compared to 2 weeks ago. Thats the kind of understanding i need. Thankz.

19/03/05

After doing 4 tutorials at one go, my brain broke down. I just don't know why, I don't feel right. Intense sweating, heavy heart beats, haste breathing rate. Feel like dying. Just argh.... whats wrong. I just feel that my body has started another war even before it recovers from the last one. I couldn't take it anymore. Not mentally, but physically.

2 weeks ago, it was a mental struggle. Now this. Sigh.

Luckily, I have my korean vcds to accompany me. The show i'm watching now is," The Bride". Totally highly recommended. Its a comedy plus lots of romance. My kind of show. You can really feel touched by the scenes. You can laugh like crazy too. The actors and actresses are also damn good. The male lead is alot better than the one in stairway to heaven. 10 times! haha.

2 weeks more before all tutorials end. I have enough of school. really. But 1 more year before everything ends. Before that is the big project. I dread it, really. I wonder why depression always come for me. Am i a girl? hahaa I think not. Maybe my last life was one, and I've carried some virtues to this life. Haha I'm crazy to say all these things. Ignore me.

18/03/05

Ah, today I want to talk about something thats unusual. Its about watches.

Have anyone wonder what watches do to you? Yes it tells time. But has anyone wonder whether it has any psychological effect on the wearer? Let me present my point of view.

Watches has become an essential for everyone. Without it, people has difficulties keeping time. And no one likes to be late, or perhaps I don't like to be late. Today, I've forgotten to bring my watch out with me, and to my surprise, it has created such a big impact on how i've behaved during the day. It has implications on stress, mood, and concentration level.

Recall when is the last time you panicked because you failed to board a bus and would probably be late? The watch would serve its function at this point to tell you to walk faster, or even run. The needle on the watch actually adds on to anxiety. The look on the watch actually makes your heart pump faster, and makes you perspire even more.

Come to think of it, since you have missed that bus, could you have done anything to quicken the travelling process? While you are on the next bus, would you have try another way to get to the destination faster? The answer is, it doesn't help. If you have decided that you will take bus to reach the destination, looking at the watch doesn't help you go faster. The way to handle the situation is actually to move as fast as possible. The speed of moving as fast as possible doesn't depend on the amount of time remaining on your watch. Therefore, the watch doesn't serve the purpose in helping, it only "kills" you.

For those people who are studying, how many times do you look at your watch? 1? 2? or 10? How do you feel whenever you look at your watch? Some people might go," argh still 1 hr left" or others," yes! 5 more minutes". Actually, will the time go faster when you look at the watch? Perhaps you might argue using the theory of relativity. Its only a psychological effect. The reality doesn't change. 1 sec still equals to 1 sec. Consider the case of a unhappy expectation on the time remaining. You'd sulk, swear, curse. The effect on those actions= unable to concentrate, sleepy, low morale. Whats the use of the watch when you are studying?

From the above situations, you can see that wearing a watch does makes you feel differently with things. I'm not saying ," throw away your watches, its no use." I'm just suggesting for people to put away their watches when they need to concentrate on things. They should not use the watch when they have no control over time. A little suggestion is to use the Handphone time as a watch. Why that?

Handphones are usually placed inside pockets, or pouches. The ease of taking them out to view is lesser than having a watch on the wrist. When you have the urge of looking at the time, you would first look at your wrist. Taking the handphone out would be a secondary consideration. You might not even want to take it out because its just troublesome.

The advantages of not having the watches on the wrist can prove to be great. First, less anxiety when faced with uncontrolable events that relates to time. Second, you would concentrate more on listening to the lecturer or teacher during lesson time. Thirdly, You might even live longer because there are less stress out there. How many people have heard that Singapore is a very stressful society? Deadlines are everywhere. Maybe you might be dead before you know it. *Choi!*

Thats about it for today. A day without watch really makes my day brighter. I wonder if it works for you.

Slice of Life

Attracting Healthy Relationships

Someone once said that in order to love fully, you have to risk having your heart broken.

Too many people in infatuations, romantic relationships and marriages make the mistake of withholding love. Most of our relationships have boundaries. We use them for protection. We've been hurt before, and we're afraid of becoming too intimate with someone lest we get hurt again. As a result, there is mistrust, we play mind games, withhold who we truly are, and refuse to cede our power and pride.

Trust takes a while to develop. The problem is when someone is never able to be completely open and honest. In order to have an intimate relationship with anyone, we must first love and trust ourselves. If we are untrustworthy, we probably will not be able to trust anyone else. The problem is often not the other person. The problem is when we make unsound choices based on our insecurities and fears.

It's good for us to be able to see our own areas that need improving. However, it is distorted to believe ourselves to be unlovable. No matter who we are or what we've done, what we choose to do with our lives is a matter of free will. We can, at any time, change our thinking and immediately begin changing our experience. That is, if we prefer to grow rather than wallow in self pity. Until we can truly accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, close, loving relationships will be hard to come by. Instead, we'll find ourselves dogged by unhealthy, secretive and selfish relationships.

If we can resign ourselves to be in that perfect place of love, where we are giving, loving, and trustworthy for others, people will come into our experience. Some will be healthy for us and others will be draining. To attract those who will resonate with us, we can simply speak softly our highest truth and stand quietly in our integrity. Those who cannot bear the light will slip back into the shadows.

It is often easier to love those we haven't met than those we face daily! Potential partners are always more attractive and interesting in our imagination and in their distance. We always want what we do not have. When we do have it and the illusion falls away, we find that we are unable to deal with the reality, and begin to hanker after another false image. If we would be loved, we must be loving.

If we can look beyond the humanness of another - that is, the weakness and fallibility of being human - then we can see the beauty within. It's that beauty that we fall in love with. That grows ever more lovely even as age creases the skin, loosens the muscles and greys the hair. Love is an infinite commodity. You can't give it away without creating more. You attract into your life that which you are. To find the right person, be the right person.

17/03/05

How will things work out? Next few weeks will be the crucial week. Will I be able to pick up the skills on technical analysis? will I shine and thrive at this time of tough period. It is only during the night where i can find true resting time. I really want to rest. rest.

NOthing much to say though. I'm just tired. Ta

16/03/05

Where days seems brighter,
where the sun seems stronger,
days of happiness is nowhere to be found
Nonetheless, I'm glad I'm not so down.

Ever pursuing, ever striving,
all I want to seek, is unknown to me.
No directions, no aims.
What I can do is to travel along the threads of life,
wavering and uncertain.

A day comes, a day goes.
Today's experience is tomorrow's history.
Memories are created every second.
Be it good memories, or bad memories,
all are history.
However, future is uncertain, unpredictable.
Do we depend on memories or future?
Till this day, its hard to decide.

So, today went out great, except I was teased by the Primary school collegues and children for dressing so formally for the band session. Haha. I've got a presentation to do, what to do? But it was damn hot for me.

The presentation went out just fine for me, as I was prepared to read off my notes haha. I tried to maintain eye contact but I just couldn't tell myself not to look at my notes. It was just so insecure. One thing is that my memory is sooooo bad, so I couldn't memorise the whole speech. I'm not a good presenter hee.

Things are starting to look more pleasant to me as work are being settled one by one. It is always not good to be soooo gunho in every group project. Sometimes, I would behave like I'm a free rider in a group and let my group mates do the bulk of the things. Anyway, if i believe that my group mates can do a better job than me, why not, let them lead it.

Actually, through this semester's new groups, I have seen more people and see how they actually response to suggestions and critism. I've come to understand about myself too. I'm really bad in handling criticisms. I always think that they are targeting me. Also, when I'm giving suggestions, I would like people to listen and concentrate on listening to me instead of multitasking. Thats some wierd findings haha.

So i proposed to myself," stop being so sensitive, criticisms are good for the project as a whole. Since you are not doing a good job, then let them talk." Hmm how hard could that be? And I believe that the real world would be more cruel than my classmates. How nice right (sacasism).

Slice of Life

The Magical Mustard Seed

If you've ever lost a loved one, you would know that the emotional pain involved is one of the hardest to bear. It is critical for us to learn how to deal with the sorrow of a loved one's passing, because every one of us is bound to experience it at some point in our lives.

There is an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to a holy man and said, "What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?"

Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, "Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life." The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed.

She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door, and said, "I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me."

They told her, "You've certainly come to the wrong place," and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them.

The woman said to herself, "Who is better able to help these poor, unfortunate people than I, who has had misfortune of my own?" She stayed to comfort them, then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow. But wherever she turned, in hovels and in other places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune. She became so involved in ministering to other people's grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had, in fact, driven the sorrow out of her life.

When we're reeling from the shock of losing a loved one, we invariably dwell on the loss we have to grapple with. The focus is what we've lost. What we'll never be able to see again. This inevitably makes us feel even sorrier for ourselves. This forces the grief to concentrate and possibly bury us.

In order to help the sorrow dissipate, consider helping others. They might be trying to get over a similar loss. They might be poor, old or destitute. Or they might be physically or mentally challenged. Charity heals the soul, and it will quite possibly also help ease your sorrow.

15/03/05

Have anyone experience the auto shutdown syndrome? Its the state where you'll fall asleep when your mind isn't working. Even if its working, the brain would still shutdown after a while? I like this kind of feeling when taking bus, but its kind of sickening when i want to study on the bus. Can you imagine, after read a few lines in the text book, the sky gets darker, and the next moment you know it, the bus has travelled to another zone. The book, still on the lap on the page where you last read.

Surely, i'll still try to continue reading, but after a while, it happens again. The cycle repeated itself until i reach home. At the end of the day, nothing has been read. Its the medicine effect. I like it haha. At least I can sleep in peace without worrying much. I still remember few days back, I dreamt about a lecturer talking to us. Its really sickening when you can dream about school.

I have finished analyzing that financial statement that i have been whining about during my last few days. I just want to throw it aside and leave it there. Done.

Come to think of it, all the stones have been broken down into smaller sizes. I'll gonna worry for my exams soon. The small stones still needs processing. Life after exam should be good.

Slice of Life

How We Deal With Mistakes

Human beings are imperfect. We are fallible. No matter how hard we try, how wise and experienced we are, or how often we practise, no one can escape the fact that sometimes, we fail. We all make mistakes. What sets the winners from the losers is how they handle setbacks. Do we get upset? Do we go into denial? Do we make ourselves feel so bad that it becomes harder and harder to leave the ground each time we fall?

Mistakes are not necessarily bad, meaningless or useless. They are a crucial element in our path of knowledge and improvement. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you grow, and the more likely you'll be able to shine brighter in future.

When you were a young growing child, how were you supposed to know the oven was hot? Or that when you say something impolite you'll hurt someone's feelings? If you make a mistake, at least you made a valiant attempt. At least you wouldn't be stuck in that limbo of not knowing whether you would succeed or not.

Very often, we take mistakes far too seriously. So you made a mistake, so what? The world keeps turning, and the bugs keep biting. It's not a question of "I made a mistake, I'm so sorry, I was such a fool". Rather, it's a question of "Ok, I messed up. What am I going to do about it? How can I avoid making the same mistake again?"

The best leaders out there are the ones who made the most mistakes but learnt from them. The ones that never discovered or acknowledged their faux pas never made it into the business world and never made a difference in their own life, or the world.

We all fail. But only a handful truly learn from their mistakes. And these are the ones who will eventually go on to achieve great success and wisdom.

14/03/05

I think I've recover my mental state, after being drowsy for quite a long time because of the medicine i take. Did i say before that I love to eat drowsy medicine? It makes me less aggressive, less panicky, less anxious, less paranoid. I guess I just need ample rest after all that terrible stress from friends and tutors and projects. Some people are really quite insensitive, so I could only tell myself that people are all different, and so accept them as the way they are. True. I should do that.

The turning point for my mental state was surprisingly due to a good friend, once close but far now. Perhaps I could say, you saved my life. Hope to talk to ya again if theres chance. To be frank, some things changed while others didn't. Anyway, you must lead a happy life.

Lessons, projects, meetings are just so common these days. Couldn't find time for anything else. Why do I need time? Time to give myself some space. Has anyone consider that the efficiency brought upon by technology has actually caused human to have less time? Well, its for you to think about it.

Talk about projects, I actually completed my part for a project but had to redo because of a wrong analysis. I can't believe it. That is why i need more time too. Die. haha.

Slice of Life

Toss The Starfish!

There is an old story that tells of a man walking along a beach who catches sight of another man acting strangely. As he gets closer, he notices that the man is picking things up from the sand and throwing them into the water.

Upon reaching him, he sees the objects being tossed are starfish, stranded on shore by the retreating tide. Curious about his intentions, the first man asked, "What are you doing?"

"I am saving these starfish," he replied. "They won't survive in the sun until the tide returns."

Totally taken aback by this statement, the first man said, rather indignantly, "Aren't you being a little silly? Do you not realize how many hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of starfish there are in the sea and that by throwing a few back will make absolutely no difference?"

The second man said nothing but was unfazed. He picked up yet another starfish and threw it out into the waves. Then he looked back the first man and said, "Well, it made a difference to that one."

In a world where we witness injustice, misfortune and hatred almost on a daily basis, it's easy for us to see our lot in life from a jaded point of view. We learn to accept the notion that we, as individuals, have no real control and that in the bigger scheme of things, what we do doesn't really matter. As a result, we tend to retreat emotionally and psychologically, so as not to deal with the things we believe are out of our hands.

But when we do try to make a difference, no matter how small, two things happen. Firstly, we feel good about ourselves. Being a positive force in this world helps us find meaning and focus. Why does it feel so good making others happy? I'm not sure, but somewhere in that question may lie the key to understanding why we're here.

The second thing that happens is contagion. When we demonstrate our faith and will to make a difference, no matter how small, we turn on something in others. In them, a tiny light is sparked. They may be inspired to do the same. And if enough people catch this fire, we can truly change the world.

So, to the nurse who may be feeling that saying a kind word won't make a patient's day, to the man on the street who may be thinking "a donation of a few cents can't help much", and to the teacher who may be disheartened by the fact that a lot of extra time and effort will be required to simply help a few more weak students pass one paper, take heart. Your work is appreciated, and what you're doing will help motivate others do the same. You are making a difference.

14/03/05

I think I've recover my mental state, after being drowsy for quite a long time because of the medicine i take. Did i say before that I love to eat drowsy medicine? It makes me less aggressive, less panicky, less anxious, less paranoid. I guess I just need ample rest after all that terrible stress from friends and tutors and projects. Some people are really quite insensitive, so I could only tell myself that people are all different, and so accept them as the way they are. True. I should do that.

The turning point for my mental state was surprisingly due to a good friend, once close but far now. Perhaps I could say, you saved my life. Hope to talk to ya again if theres chance. To be frank, some things changed while others didn't. Anyway, you must lead a happy life.

Lessons, projects, meetings are just so common these days. Couldn't find time for anything else. Why do I need time? Time to give myself some space. Has anyone consider that the efficiency brought upon by technology has actually caused human to have less time? Well, its for you to think about it.

Talk about projects, I actually completed my part for a project but had to redo because of a wrong analysis. I can't believe it. That is why i need more time too. Die. haha.

14/03/05

I think I've recover my mental state, after being drowsy for quite a long time because of the medicine i take. Did i say before that I love to eat drowsy medicine? It makes me less aggressive, less panicky, less anxious, less paranoid. I guess I just need ample rest after all that terrible stress from friends and tutors and projects. Some people are really quite insensitive, so I could only tell myself that people are all different, and so accept them as the way they are. True. I should do that.

The turning point for my mental state was surprisingly due to a good friend, once close but far now. Perhaps I could say, you saved my life. Hope to talk to ya again if theres chance. To be frank, some things changed while others didn't. Anyway, you must lead a happy life.

Lessons, projects, meetings are just so common these days. Couldn't find time for anything else. Why do I need time? Time to give myself some space. Has anyone consider that the efficiency brought upon by technology has actually caused human to have less time? Well, its for you to think about it.

Talk about projects, I actually completed my part for a project but had to redo because of a wrong analysis. I can't believe it. That is why i need more time too. Die. haha

13/03/05

I have been drowsy the whole day. I saw another doctor today because the ntu medicine lousy, cannot cure me. I don't care about the nose or fever. I just don't like the sore throat. I would think twice for swallowing.

Almost whole day chatting with a friend. Somehow feel that this friend might just been one of the only few who thinks that i'm still a worthy person. Maybe its myself who thinks that I'm worthless. Anyway, nice chat. Now that i know that you've been reading. Haha, thankz. Why not you start a blog too, so that i can read.

Now is 12 plus. Been meeting and multitasking on my work. I manage to complete my last tutorial for next week during the meeting heee. bad boy i am
ok thats all for tonight.

12/03/05

I had spent the whole day trying to clear all my tutorials in one day so that i can concentrate on all the projects on hand tomorrow. However, after much thought, it seems like I could only proceed with 1 out of 4 projects. And that one tutor hasn't post the tutorial questions online, ask me do what. Waste my time waiting again.

Today I met a friend to pass things. The friend: someone who knows me very well, someone who I could talk to about anything from real serious stuff to real stupid stuffs. You came just in time to listen to me even though the purpose of the meeting isn't for me to pour out my troubles. Is it a wierd coincidence? Or you have read my troubles here? Whatever the case, I just want to say Thank you. Don't ask me why. Thank you.

Somehow, things have been different already right? There are things that I couldn't open my mouth to ask because circumstances has changed. We couldn't talk that freely anymore. Questions like," How have you been?" " Are you happy?" just couldn't come out. Looking at you, I assumed that those questions are answered. Thankz for time. 2.5 hrs was really short eh. I was surprise to find out that the 2.5 hrs didn't feel like one. Time was travelling too fast.

It was a 2.5hrs of travel back in time. Don't worry, I'll get back after the 2.5hrs. At least I know someone view me as the person I am, not the abilities I have, or the things I know. I could sense how people view me, and thats scary. And I know you view me differently, and I'm glad.

If you need my help at anytime, just call, even if its just for casual talk or drinking. I don't know if its right to look for you, most prob I won't. I'll be glad to be of any help. (end: words that are never sent out)

Slice of Life

The Burning Hut Life is never a bed of roses, as some would say. It is like a whirling wind that sweeps off every possible thing in place. In short, life isn't a sweet and perfect fairytale.

Perhaps you have experienced a broken heart and never heal it. Perhaps you have stumbled and fell and never have the courage to get up. Perhaps you have a near perfect life but to be shattered with no warning. And then, look up to the sky and wonder why Life is mistreating you.

It is easy to get discouraged over the smallest failure and easier to blame then taking the blame. But perhaps, it's time for us to wake up and realise that everything happens for a reason.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, deserted island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him, and to store his few possessions.

But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island.

It had come to rescue him.

"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.

"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart. Remember, the next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons help.

11/03/05

My throat ahhhhhh. So pain so pain. How I wish i can fix an ice in the middle of the throat. My voice was so gentle today. Haha I guess girls like that. But then... I couldn't remain in this state forever haha. I have a forceful voice!! What to do? Sore throat forever?

I sleep in the bus today. Whole journey. Missed my stop on the way back. Not the first time in this sem. It was just so comfortable. Who could believe that the bus is comfortable for sleeping? haha I guess only for me.

I hope to recuperate my energy over this weekend. Things are just killing me. Now i'm trying to attach a 3 Mb file through email. argh taking so long.

This morning I started watching another korean show. Its about this girl get attached to a guy since born. Its a comedy. Finally haha. One where I could laugh. Its not a bad show. hee. Lets see where its taking me to.

Thats it for today.

10/03/05

There are too many bad things thats happening to me lately. Sometimes I couldn't take it actually. First, gotten stressed by friends, then stressed by the tutor that we seek to find for FYP. Third, I couldn't even walk very straight. Fever coming on and off. I got so much work that I might as well just faint. I gotta keep my cool here but I'm falling and falling down really. Very very sick with work and life. I need to sit down and think. Think how to get out from this adversity. I really couldn't take it when I see so many things going on in my mind. Would someone save me from this?

I've always trusted my groupmates for things to be done in projects, can I entrust them again? It seems like i'm not a very good group member afterall. There are just so many bad things about my way of doing work. I live in solitude, and I tend to put my thinking on other people. Thats in terms of projects. Seriously, I don't check their work, because I believe in them and the overall grades would depend on their contributions as well. I'm those kind that doesn't mind sinking with my comrades. If you don't work, We'll sink together.

This time, its not that easy to walk out of this stress zone. Weekly tutorials, 5 modules. 4 projects outstanding. 1 presentation next week, 2 reports the week after, 1 report and database project 3 weeks later, a big 20 pages report 4 weeks later. Not to say, a 10% quiz is coming 4 weeks later as well. On top of all those idiotic work load, my FYP group has to read tons of articles and come out with a topic that is to the liking of that tutor. Somehow, I would just feel like giving up on searching. Just assign me one and I'll just do whatever. I seems like such a weakling. Can the boat become straight as it reaches its harbour?

If my group mates isn't worried, I am. No one knows what kind of life i'm living. I know others will say that they are not living a nice life too. Comparing to mind. 4 hrs travelling to school a day. every week, I gotta teach band for a day that last for 5 hrs including travelling. Weekends, I got my Westwind commitment that will last for another 5 hours. Given my speed in doing tutorials, I need 2 hours at least for 1 tutorial, that means 10 hours of work during weekends, 4 hrs per weekend day. Other times? Rest, no leisure, no time for stoning, no time for anything. No one understands.

During meetings, I seem to be the slackest person. Others are all multitasking, doing other things and discussing the projects as well. They might think that I'm just a slacker who doesn't prepare for anything. But behind the stage, how much time was spent doing things... no one knows. no one knows.

WHO UNDERSTANDS ME? I like to complain. And I'm pretty annoyed by little actions that make me feel worthless. Yes face it, I'm very sensitive. Even more sensitive than the pain reflex system in the body. I read signals, I hear tones, I see expressions. Someone also said that I'm a dictionary, knowledgeable, but sorry, I think I'm just a lousy act big person. I don't perform as well as others in terms of everything. If I couldn't be better than others, I couldn't see my selfworth. No way.

Does growing older= better life? No, I miss my childhood life. In fact, I got no childhood. Perhaps childhood with machines. Who says I'm good in socialising with people? I'm a damn wierd person. Does society accept people who admits his weakness? This is especially cruel for guys. What stereotyping jerks. Guys shouldn't show their weaker side? What the hell. Its damn true. But I can't hide. Why smile when you want to scold people? I couldn't. My face is naturally bad, because alot of things do piss me off. Temperamental. Is that the word? Have I heard before that Musicians are temperamental? One side hot and the other side cold. Flipping between these 2 is as easy as flipping a coin.

I need a counsellor. More man in Singapore are seeking psycho help now. Am I one of them? Damn.

Concert

Went for NUS band concert. Nice second half songs. Good balance and nice mood.

Thank to my friend, H, for accompanying me.

(Paragraph without words, how i wish this can be encrypted so that i can type it out)
..............................................................................

9/03/05

Lets just pause for the story. I just want to type out this ill feeling inside regarding one of the graded case study essay that was handed up. The essay was returned. Its the second C I got for a graded essay throughout these 2 years. Not that I didn't get a worst grade. I got a D for one of my essay before. But then.... this essay is a group effort. And I was the one typing the bulk of the essay. I feel like i'm pulling my friends down. So useless.

can't type much now. Its late night. I'll leave today's blog with 3 slice of life. I guess their email system cock up.

Slice of life 1

We Never Told Him He Couldn't Do It

It's amazing what we can achieve, if only people would stop telling us we can't. The power of negativity cannot be underestimated. Seemingly harmless comments like "Are you sure you can do it?", "No, I don't think it will work", "You'll never be able to do that!" can be very debilitating, especially to a child.

Today's story, by Kathy Lamancusa, illustrates the things that are possible if only we don't stifle them with our negativity and pessimism.

My son Joey was born with club feet. The doctors assured us that with treatment he would be able to walk normally - but would never run very well. The first three years of his life were spent in surgery, casts and braces. By the time he was eight, you wouldn't know he had a problem when you saw him walk.

The children in our neighborhood ran around as most children do during play, and Joey would jump right in and run and play, too. We never told him that he probably wouldn't be able to run as well as the other children. So he didn't know.

In seventh grade he decided to go out for the cross-country team. Every day he trained with the team. He worked harder and ran more than any of the others - perhaps he sensed that the abilities that seemed to come naturally to so many others did not come naturally to him. Although the entire team runs, only the top seven runners have the potential to score points for the school. We didn't tell him he probably would never make the team, so he didn't know.

He continued to run four to five miles a day, every day - even the day he had a 103-degree fever. I was worried, so I went to look for him after school. I found him running all alone. I asked him how he felt. "Okay," he said. He had two more miles to go. The sweat ran down his face and his eyes were glassy from his fever. Yet he looked straight ahead and kept running. We never told him he couldn't run four miles with a 103-degree fever. So he didn't know.

Two weeks later, the names of the team runners were called. Joey was number six on the list. Joey had made the team. He was in seventh grade - the other six team members were all eighth-graders. We never told him he shouldn't expect to make the team. We never told him he couldn't do it. We never told him he couldn't do it...so he didn't know. He just did it.

A true story written by Kathy Lamancusa. Sometimes we can succeed purely because we didn't know we could fail.

Slice of Life 2

Be Thankful For What You Have

Have you been feeling out of sorts lately? Something bothering you at work? Are your worries burdening you to breaking point?

Struggle and suffering is all part and parcel of life. No one escapes from it, but that doesn't mean you have to lose any sleep because of it.

If you're feeling down or troubled, remember how lucky you are to be alive, to be able to listen to the radio, to be able to enjoy your meals, spend time with your loved ones, and appreciate the beauty that this world has to offer. Because you have no idea how many people in this world don't.

An unknown author once wrote:

Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight, just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have bad day at work, pray from the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you grieve for the passing of another weekend, pray for the women around the world who work twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed their children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, remember the cancer patient in chemotherapy who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what life is all about, asking "What is my purpose?", be thankful. There are thse who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember: things could be worse. You could be them!

And so laugh a little, live a little, give a little more, and everything will sort itself out. No matter how bad you've got it, millions of others have it worse. And they have every right to be half as favoured as you are.

Slice of life 3

Giving

In a world where selfishness has permeated almost every level of society, too much emphasis is placed on trampling on others to win, and on taking whatever you can get your hands on. But do we grow and develop simply by taking all the time? And how much of what we take can we really hold on to?

Someone once wrote:

Whatever you give away today, or think or say or do will multiply about tenfold and then return to you. It may not come immediately, nor from the obvious source but the law applies unfailingly, through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another, be it love or hate or passion will surely bounce right back to you in some clear (or secret) fashion If you speak about some person, a word of praise or two, soon, tens of other people will speak kind words of you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul, not secrets of the brain. Kind ones bring us happiness; petty ones, untold pain. Giving works as surely as reflections in a mirror. If hate you send, hate you'll get back, but loving brings love nearer.

Remember, as you start this day and duty crowds your mind, that kindness comes so quickly back to those who first are kind. Let that thought and this one direct us through each day.

The only things we ever keep are the things we give away.

Many things in this life are temporal and fleeting. Money, power, position, fame? these are the things which ultimately contribute to the emptiness in our hearts. However, the good things we do for others, and the love and concern we give away are the only things which will remain with us for the rest of our lives.

8/03/05

Chapter 2

4 years ago, I came to the town of Neryajecle. It was a vibrant town, with farmers and gardeners, busying with their work. Children's laughter could be heard everywhere. As I walked towards the town center, the surrounding greenery made me felt like I was walking in paradise. Eye contacts were made frequently with the people there. Smiles were exchanged. "God damn, who knows where the town center was. This town is even bigger than I thought", I muttered.

I am Luthien, a knight of the kingdom of Lodienga. The army was seperated into different factions, namely Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Theta, and Omega. Different factions were given different tasks every month. This time, Alpha was given the task to look after the towns that were under the control of the kingdom. Neryajecle, being one of the most peaceful, needed little forces to protect it. Or should I say, near to none was needed. I was lucky to be the only soldier posted to the town. Main duties were to make sure they pay their taxes. Damn, what has that got to do with what i've trained to do?

The sun was almost setting and I still haven't find the house of the town chief. I came to a small hut, fenced with some termite infested wooden blocks. There were no other huts near this one. I wondered if I have got lost. (Where was my navigation skills?) I just had to ask. Argh, I hate asking people. "Hey anybody there?"

The door creaked opened. A strong gust of wind came and that brought me one step back.

"Yes, can I help you?" a voice said. The voice was slow and creepy. The high pitch sound resembles the creaking of that door. An old lady, dressed in a black dirty dress, came. Not only the voice gave me a creep. She gave me a creep.

7/03/05

Chapter 1

Its just so dark, so dark. I couldn't see. Where is the way in front. Day by day, minute by minute, fallen into an endless pit. Still falling, and falling. Trying to shout out the fear, the coldness, but the voice just couldn't come out. Struggling to hold on to anything that can stop me from falling. Each time I thought I've hold on to something, it couldn't stand the initia force and broke. I could only, fall, and keep falling.

The wind just keeps howling past my ears. The sound is like attaching a long tube to your ear. I could no longer sense any beautiful sound. The sound is just howling... howling.

Dark and unkind. Couldn't see, couldn't control. I have given up looking at where I'm heading. Since its darkness even if i open my eyes, I wouldn't want to waste energy opening it. I left my body controlled by the wind force thats coming below. Turning and rotating, endlessly. I couldn't sense which way I'm turning.

The gravity has gotten heavier and heavier. The pulling force seems to tear my mind apart. The constant throbbing in my head, couldn't stop. Nothing to do to stop it. Spinning, and Spinning. The throbbing stops occassionally, but the effects strengthen everytime it starts again. I could only use my hand to inflict external pain to ease internal pain.

My voice, hoarse. I realised that any attempt to seek help was futile. No one can help. No one. I am one person alone. I love myself and only myself. I fight for myself, and could only survive by proving my self worth. To do that is to challenge all that is around me, and win them. Only those who fight for themselves are the strongest. (adopted from Gaara.)

6/03/05

Whole day at home. Dull and uninteresting as usual. Work and work like a cow. Most of my work completed but some research things aren't. I just can't figure out a topic to do research on. And on top of all those stress, when i tried to suggest some things for a change in a presentation format. I received a statement says," just compile the slides, and leave the organizing to tuesday. I need to do other things now, sorry." Sigh. Well, then doing too much isn't a good thing. Yup. I should just slack.

Just when I got myself pumping with work, somethings just want to bring me down to a low morale again. Struggling now. Nothing seems to be right these few days. Playing music, communicating with friends, doing work, test grades, project planning, morale, energy.

Time seems to run away from me so quickly. Just when I thought it was only 3pm when i finished all my work and ready to start my research, its already 8pm now where i haven't even find a research topic, or do any planning for my project meeting tomorrow. What has happened to my 5 hours, and I can't remember what has happened during this 5 hrs. Its like blank out. Someone put liquid paper on my memory. I could only remember vaguely that I ate dinner, did some powerpoint slides, read a financial report. But those couldn't take 5 hrs!! Don't tell me i was staring in blank spaces. I really need help.

I better not put my miserable day experience into more worst image. I need to play games. To hell with school work!

5/03/05

Morning and Afternoon is half on Anime, half on work. Thought of just focusing on my work but i guess theres always limit to the amount of knowledge that can be squeezed into the brain during a period of time. I get to complete what i've planned to do. Tomorrow has more work but then sigh, don't know if i can complete what i set out to do. Its alot alot of things to do.

Met my friend, S to collect a ticket for next weeks concert. Gave me a surprising information on a special appearance of another friend. Well, at least i'm not watching the concert alone.

Night band practice. A scary information was disclosed regarding the WASBE conference performance. Our president said that the performance will be recorded and the CD will be published internationally for sale. We are representing Singapore and its really a big thing. This is no joke. Added much pressure and stress on me once again.

I nearly fainted when i heard that a piece for euphonium will be commissioned on that performance. For a moment i thought i'm going to die. But then I think it wouldn't be me playing because i'm not up to the standard. Its most probably going to be a professional playing for that solo piece. Even then, I'm still stressed because the pieces for that performance isn't going to be easy.

I just feel so lousy now because i couldn't communicate with my euphonium today. She seems to be rejecting me because of me neglecting her for so long. sigh.

I got a strange thin red line in between my two eyes. It has been for many hours and it still hasn't gone off yet. For a moment, I thought i'm going to grow a third eye haha. Its like a blood clot. I just feel a bit giddy sometimes. I could feel something going on in the reddish area. I think the cause could be that I press that area too hard when i was so frustrated with my school work.

After watching so much naruto, How I wish i could do this. Kagebunshin no Jutsu! And *poof* many Me will appear. I can then ask them to take one book each and study for me! too much crapping today. Tata

4/03/05

Bus rides haven't been too good for me. Nowadays the buses i took were casted with sleeping spells. Even when I want to study, I would just blackout after a while. Don't know why too.

Today's quiz for my BF219 module. What a difficult one again. Can't find that damn mkt share price in that financial statement. argh. Can't find that treasury stock repurchase number too. But it was damn obvious when the tutor told us where to find it after that quiz. I was hitting myself with that book haha. Guys can't find things in one big place of things eh. Narrow vision they say. True.

This weekend will kill me. All the projects stuff. But one thing to look forward to is that Westwinds is starting its practice again. I could finally see my wifey again. How I miss her glittering smile. I could see my smiles in her eyes too, provided I clean her up thoroughly. I would love to blow her again. Its my EUPHONIUM! (what are you thinking?)

Nothing much to type. Good day in all. I'm getting very annoying as days go by during my recovery days. I think i've been offending people lately. Maybe. Don't forget, i'm sensitive, so even if people don't say, i can feel. But.... I still can't control myself haha. Bad. Actions are done without thinking through the big brain. My big brain work so slowly anyway. Lag.

3/03/05

Am I regain my smiles again? Yet, I'm still searching for the vision to my future. Anyway thats not something I can do. But indeed, I feel alot better today. Could it be because of my quiz results? Well, I gotten quite nice results for my tax and Accounting quiz even though I felt super sucky after those quiz. Its just this strange phenomenum that if I feel sucky for that quiz, I would usually do pretty well. I just couldn't believe it.

Today is cold cold cold!. But my body seems to have lowered its temperature to suit the environment hah. I couldn't feel much of the cold. Numbed. The sky rained damn big for me again. (Am I being to creative in thinking?)

I haven't been doing much work at home. I wonder if i'm just behind time. I guess I have no mood for work during the weekdays. Weekend will be tough for me because i gotta do research for my final yr project, tutorials, and plan for one of my module's project. tough tough. Its good that out of the 4 projects, 2 projects are already on the way. Nothing much to worry for. Its only the other 2 is the difficult ones. Gotta do financial statement analysis.

And the tax tax tax is really tax tax taxing me. When the teacher talks about some concepts, i'll give her the twisted look. yeah just twist and she'll try to explain again with that motherly look.

Hey lost of words. That means its good. Hee Time for Naruto!! (therapy)

2/03/05

yeah naruto anime and naruto game! I couldn't bring myself out of that demand for leisure. I've played that naruto game for a few hrs before i go to school. I haven't study much for my financial statement analysis module! I could sense my what-the-hell attitude coming out, strong and determined.

I've been thinking about what i want to do in the future. Its between rich+busy+no life vs no that rich+not that busy+ enjoy what you are doing+ have time for life. Those people who does well in the university would be faced with numerous opportunities to work in big companies and earn huge money. But, where is the life in concern? Will I be happy staying in the world, full of computers, numbers, papers, bosses? Performing better= greater responsibility= more pressure, though the good part is the remuneration. Whatever the case is, i'll still be completing my degree for now, and perhaps not putting that much stress as before. I believe my abilities aren't measured by just one paper. You can't measure attitudes.

I jogged again. And you won't believe it, I ran faster than yesterday and i felt better. I feel that i could run another round haha but i don't want to, cuz i don't want to become a bamboo stick. Mind you, one round = about 1.6km. I usually run 2 rounds. I guess the weather was good.

Talking about the weather, it rain. I could feel the weather too hhaa. I'm getting a bit psycho haha. Crazy guy here. Beware.

Slice of Life

Thoughts, Actions, Behaviour, Life

Someone once said that "your thoughts become your actions, your actions become your behaviour, and your behaviour determines what kind of life you will have". If we follow this line of reasoning, this means that you CAN lead the life you want to lead, if only you can imagine it, and think of ways of achieving your goals.

It also means that if you constantly harbour dark and gloomy thoughts, the road ahead of you can't be very much brighter.

Take for instance, if you wake up in the morning and think "Oh...another tiring, boring, and stressful day in the office!", your body becomes limp and lethargic, the breakfast tastes bad because all you can focus on is the dread of another workday. You can't bring yourself to smile, and because other people can sense your negative energies, they start to avoid you.

Then you start thinking that all your colleagues dislike you. You can't concentrate on your work, it suffers, so does your career, and so on. If your worklife is unfulfilling, chances are that you will bring a lot of the unhappiness into your personal life as well.

And all because you chose to entertain negative thoughts and emotions at the start of the day.

Max Stein is an inspirational writer, and he says:

Your thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved,
happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.
It is a psychological law that whenever you desire to accomplish
you must first impress upon your subconscious mind.
Relentless, repetitive self talk is what changes your self image.
You can affect your subconscious mind with verbal repetition.
You'll find this constant repetition carries conviction.
Anything that changes your values changes your behaviour.
You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.
Self-suggestion makes you master of yourself.
What you conceive yourself to be, you become.

Our mind is a very powerful tool, and although it's something that we use almost constantly in our lives, we tend to forget about it, and take it for granted. We know it's there...but we seldom try to harness its capabilities. Worse, we often impoverish it by thinking of negative things.

So remember, even more relevant than the saying "you are what you eat" is "you are what you think".?

Wow, this slice of life can read my mind. hmm

1/03/05

Tax quiz... Even though I don't know quite a number of answers, I've got no energy to fret about my incapabilities. My mind was," finally its over". Not the usual me. Usually I'll go," argh don't know how to do this or that", and complain to my friends about it.

1 hour of lesson and i went straight home today. Theres no Band for me to teach because they were having exams. Took a bus, and I overslept, all the way back to the bus interchange. Lazy me.

I tried to vision where would I be in 10 years time. My mind started to wonder to SAF band. Somehow, I'm thinking that I might not be able to survive the business world. I couldn't be like the normal business people (backstabbing), and I might just be stabbed so many times. My parents already knew that, and they are worried actually. I wanted to tell myself that I can try and protect myself out there, but I really don't know. I'm not saying that there won't be backstabbing besides playing music in SAF band, but at least they know me already. I'm just wondering whats the maximum age to sign on as musician. haha Think too much. Whatever the case, I will complete my degree first.

I did much work in the afternoon, and is now rewarding myself by not doing any work at night. I'm worried for my school work actually. All my friends would know that I'm those kind who work and work and work like crazy, so if I don't get the returns that I deserve, then I am really a big failure. Omg, so many things to worry about? Ya and I worry about that Lousy tutor as well.

Haha too much andrenaline. I even told my mum to install a sandbag in my room haha. That would work my energy away. I find myself equipped with red eyes almost perpetually. Must be the energy thats burning inside. Anyway, my room is too small for a sandbag.

I went jogging to get rid of my weight. The sun was soooo big as though its gonna burn me down. My mind today wasn't that suitable for jogging, so I didn't put in my best effort to run. However, I'm fast hee. I did a set of push ups at home. I could now reach 40 at one go, but struggled between 30-40. Guess what i was thinking when I'm doing those push ups. Its the anime character, Lee from Naruto. Even though he only had 1 arm and 1 leg left, he never stop training, doing one arm push ups.

When I was cooling down at the corridor, I looked far away, and sang something. I tried to extend the song that I've place in this blog. It was a perfect build up using strings and other instruments. But when I tried to recall it again, nothing comes. I guess its always during a moment where things appear in the mind.

I have another quiz on friday, hopefully I could bring myself to read all the required materials for that during my bus journey.

Naruto gives me inspiration, jogging gives me perspiration, singing gives me imagination. Well, studying gives me depression, sometimes.

When would the day rain for me again?


Slice of life

Laugh! (and Learn)

Norman Cousins is often described as the man who laughed his way to health. Here's how he got this reputation.

Cousins was diagnosed in the mid-1960's as having ankylosing spondylitis. The degenerative disease causes the breakdown of collagen, the fibrous tissue that binds together the body's cells. Cousins was almost completely paralysed and doctors estimated he had only a few months to live. He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, "If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?"

He decided to make an experiment of himself. He checked out of the hospital, moved into a hotel room, began taking extremely high doses of Vitamin C and exposed himself to equally high doses of humour. He rented all the funny movies he could find (this was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films). He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny. His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.

He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. His journey is detailed in his book "Anatomy of an Illness". He credits visualisation, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.

Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a frivolity, they say. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our "aliveness". If we're not well, laughter helps us get well. If we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.

Since Cousins' ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.

So, if you like laughter (and who doesn't?), consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. Use whatever makes you laugh or puts you in a cheerful mood - movies, sitcoms, music, books, cartoons, jokes, friends. Give yourself permission to laugh - long and loud and out loud - whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you're strange; some might even say you're being facetious, but sooner or later they'll join in even if they don't know what you're aughing about.

Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure - laughter. And laugh along with us at our annual mirthfest "Laugh & Learn" on the 29th of March. We've lined up charismatic and witty speakers who will show you how to laugh your way to a better, healthier life. For more information, click here.
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Yeah laughing is what i need, and I laugh really loud.