31/10/05

Ah, a wasted day, donno doing what. Anyway, the exam case was out and I can't open it after my first download attempt. What a bad omen i said. So I printed and wrote so much about it. I have so much thoughts about it but i couldn't find the answers..... so i went to the pool to get more vitamin D from the sun, hoping that ideas might pop out during the swim. Its really quiet when my head is under the water, but once my head is out, argh!!! where is the peace???

Well, I have the wierdest question inside my head and I shall look into the answers tomorrow. Will be spending the whole day to craft out all analysis and issues and possible questions and solutions and considerations. Thats a whole lot of shit. Somehow, I rather the case not given to all, then everyone will struggle on the exam day heee. But now, everyone will have the ability to find out help from friends and do thorough analysis. I'm at a disadvantage now. Sigh sigh. I'm study in solitude and test my own abilities each time. Now, I'm fighting with the synergies of all my "rivals". A bigger force to fight.

Anyone wants to feed me with their ideas? haa. Oh, I wish i can dream about the answers!! haa.

30/10/05

Finally finished the whole 311 revision. Now is to wait for the stupid case. 1 day 3 chapters, 8 hrs each time to think through all things. On the 3rd and 4th day, I simply cannot care about just copy everything from my lecture notes into a more organised format. Well, those who study with me will know my style. One page, full of microscopic words. Always tries to squeeze the whole lecture in to give myself a helicopter view. Yup, good way for open book exams... but 311 is close book..... what am i doing.

93.3FM has been accompanying me these few days. I'm glad that its one of the singapore's best radio station. Hearing my friend's voice is damn cool too. But.... he should be studying as well.... i think he super. haa.

Songs do help me to study a bit better, giving me a brighter feeling. I wonder if it helps for other people. you might want to try it.

Nothing much happening... so.... its time for Slice of Life.

I'm back to add on after seeing the stupid news about terrorist blasts. Somehow I really don't understand some things. The first reaction of all people is to condemn those acts. And then, all requesting to bring those terrorist to justice. And how? Put them on trial? And then those who are not caught will try and plan somemore bombings. The cycle of hatred just build and build.

Immediate after the bombings, one of the person interviewed stated that the first thing to do at the site, is to stop the fire from spreading. Omg! the properties are more important than the lifes at stake. Why isn't their first reaction to save the people around there..... properties more important?

Why hasn't anyone think or find out what is their purpose of such stupid acts? Does punishing them create peace? I have too many questions in mind. Punishment will only make things even worst. The angrier people are, they are going to make other people even angrier, and then cycle goes on and on. Will a more benevolent way of reaction solve this problem? Will the terrorists stop all these if we are to convince them that we are aiming to raise their living standards, solve their problems? Well, I'm making a very big assumption here... i.e. the terrorists are willing to talk in the first place.

Somehow, I am worried that i might get put to trial because i post all these here. But i just can't stop my urge. The worsen humanity.....

Slice of Life (21/10/05)

A Happy Marriage (Part 2)

In the last programme, we talked about some tips to keep in mind for a happy and lasting marriage.

Briefly, these were - being happy with yourself and your life before you can be capable of making your spouse happy, considering the new entity of "we" in a marriage without becoming co-dependent, leaving behind the emotional baggage of past relationships, and making your spouse your priority.

Today, let's look at more ways to keep your marriage rewarding and joyful.

I'd like to emphasise again how important it is to ensure that your marriage is your top priority. You didn't get married to commute two hours a day, or work at the office 60 hours a week. You probably got married to share your life, your hopes, your dreams (not your bills) with that special someone. During life's ups and especially during life's downs, keep in mind why you married in the first place. Not jobs, nor cars, nor your favorite sports team. At one time, your partner was the most important thing in this world to you. Act like it today and every day.

Don't compare. This holds true in your life as well as in your marriage. There will always be a couple that seems happier, wealthier, sexier, and more perfect than you two are. So what? Their happiness doesn't increase or diminish your happiness. Neither does their money, their jobs, their house, or their glamour. All that matters is whether you and your spouse have created a relationship that works for you.

Don't wonder "what if?" Wondering what it would be like to be with another person-for a night or for a lifetime-is self-delusion and is really unfair to your spouse. You see other people socially when they are at their best. You see your spouse when he/she is at his best, her average, and sometimes at her worst. If you could swap mates, guess what? You'd see that person at his/her worst, and you probably wouldn't like what you see.

Commitment means no matter what. It's as simple as making the decision to be totally committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No matter what happens financially, or health wise, or otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have decided to stay "no matter what", there is no question of stay or go, yes or no. Now the emphasis is on problem solving. And all couples have problems. Happy couples learn to deal with their problems. Unhappy couples eventually just run away.

A happy marriage won't happen by itself. It takes intention, commitment, and practice. But the couples who have happy, blissful, and satisfying marriages are proof that it is possible. Just choose to be happy, and choose to be happily married.

Slice of Life (24/10/05)

An Attitude of Gratitude

Melody Beattie once said "Gratitude turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

An attitude of gratitude is one of the most useful things one can possess. It's an unending resource from which one can draw inspiration and comfort. It's also one of the most precious gifts a parent can give a child.

Have you ever wondered why it is that some children who seem to have it all are pleasant and friendly while others become spoiled? The difference is in the attitude. Some children expect to have certain things, and they soon become spoiled and easily discontented. Other children remain thankful and appreciative.

Think of adults you know that fit these descriptions. Whom do you know has a chip on their shoulder or feels the world owes them something? Whom do you know greets each discovery with appreciation? It is easy to guess who is happier and more fulfilled.

Developing a thankful attitude goes a long way toward developing a more resilient and appreciative self. Here are a few ideas for spreading the attitude of gratitude.

Think about the whole process. When you receive anything, be it a child's drawing or an expensive gift, focus on how much time, effort, and thought went into the gift. Taking the time to realize how much work, caring, and thought a person has given you is a wonderful way to deepen your appreciation of both the giver and the gift.

Realize that each day is a gift. There are so many things that we take for granted. Many times we don't realize how much we actually take for granted until tragedy strikes. Take your loved ones, for example. Do you regular take time to appreciate them? To show them how much you love them? Remember, they won't be around forever.

And lower your expectations. If you keep expecting things to be in your favour, you'll be thwarted by the many things that will be unfavourable. You'll focus on the negative until you become an irritable, unpleasant grouch. But when we quit expecting the world or people to give us things, we can become more focused on enjoying the gifts that do come our way.

A good way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. In it, record five at least five things you can be thankful for each day. Even on seemingly lousy days, you should be able to list at least five. Look beyond the obvious. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.

29/10/05

Ah, just came back from band prac. Such a disappointing practice. Just when I thought Westwind is going to sound like an international band, we sound like rubbish today. I guess the slacky attitude of people isn't going to bring Westwind very far. Disguisted by how the percussionists react to comments. Some people just trying to be clever right? haaa. Those people are those who are not going to improve. Disappointing.

Just when I thought India is going to be a growing economy and will be a great place for investments, another bomb blast occurred. I really wonder when will those brainless people stop these kind of rubbish. Bird flu hits and they still bomb. No doubt.... brainless.

Talk about bird flu.... I have flu..... but hope not bird flu haaa.... (of course not!! I'm not a bird). Anyway, my mugging experience today is plagued heavily by this "running tap" symptoms. I had to stuff one big tissue into my nose to reduce the dripping effect. And after 2 hrs, the whole tissue was wet. Groooosss. My nose is still dripping now..... *Ahhhhh Choo!!*

Ok, I'm starting to get very sad about the world, brainless people is one, changing human culture is two, strive for power is three. Lost hope for humanity.... I'm just living for the sake of hoping for a better future. But I guess the tainted and ever deteoirating(can't spell) human minds and behavior isn't going to change to a better one. (If you can't beat them, join them). The evil Ling is here!! muhahaha. (ignore me)

Slice of Life (19/10/05)

The Most Beautiful Woman

"Imogen is on a quest to find the most beautiful woman in Singapore. Send in your nomination with pictures and tell us why she's the most beautiful woman you know. The winner will be the face of Imogen for our next big marketing campaign. Closing date is end of the month. Terms and conditions apply. Which means no dispute over the final decision by our judges?"

Within a few weeks, thousands of letters were delivered to Imogen Inc., Singapore.

One entry in particular caught the attention of the employees.

Because it generated so much attention, it was promptly handed to the company president.
With spelling corrections, an excerpt from the letter read: "A beautiful woman lives down the street from me. I visit her every day. She makes me feel like the most important kid in the world. She listens to my problems. She understands me and when I leave, she always tells me that she's proud of me. This picture shows you that she is the most beautiful woman. I hope I have a wife as pretty as her."

Intrigued by the letter, the president asked to see this woman's picture. His secretary handed him a photograph of a smiling, toothless woman, well-advanced in years, sitting in a wheelchair. Sparse gray hair was pulled back in a bun and the wrinkles that formed deep furrows on her face were somehow diminished by the twinkle in her eyes.

The company never did use that woman, and years later, when former employees of Imogen got together, they still related that ol' story about Mr Hu's reaction to the picture?

"We can't use this woman," explained the president, smiling. "She would show the world that our products aren't necessary to be beautiful."

Slice of Life (20/10/05)

A Happy Marriage (Part 1)

So you've found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. And you've decided to get married. There's no manual for a happy marriage, but you have a pretty good feeling that your love will help you weather the storms all relationships inevitably go through. In addition to that, here are some things to remember for a happy and healthy marriage.

1. It starts with you

The happier you are with yourself and your life, the more attractive you are to your partner. Another way to look at this is: if you were someone else, would you marry you? Start today to work on being the kind of person you would want to know, date, and marry. If you're not that kind of person, how can you expect your spouse to stay attracted or stay passionate?

2. There's you, there's him/her, and then there's we.

You don't have to give up your identity or be known as your spouse's partner.

It also doesn't work when two people each do their own thing without regard to their partner's wishes and feelings. Marriage is, and should be, more than cohabitation. As the marriage vows state, "two shall be as one". That "one" is neither you nor him. The "one" is a third entity: the relationship, the marriage, the "we".

The "we" is what you share, what you have in common, the nurturing that cannot be provided on your own. Think companionship, intimacy, and sharing.

3. Leave behind your emotional baggage

Are you really over your previous relationship? If not, you can't fully commit to your spouse. Likewise, if you are still Daddy's little girl or Mommy's boy, you are not in control of your own life. Therefore, you cannot fully enter into an adult relationship of mutual sharing and support. You can't be accountable to your spouse if you have to keep pleasing Mommy or Daddy.

4. Your marriage comes first Marriage is the strongest bond between two people. Parents are here and one day they are gone. Children grow into adults and leave to start their own lives. Your spouse is only person who is meant to stay with you the rest of your time on this planet. Women who say their children come first are usually unable to let their children grow up and become independent adults. These women are always surprised when their mates get tired of being number two, and decide to leave for someone else who WILL put them first.

28/10/05

A day of revision.... what can i talk about then? Well, there is a funny one. There is a new Thai show in the market right? Called something like "Tom yang goo" right? Guess what my mum said..... "Tom Yam Soup?". And then his previous show is "Onn Bak" right? My mum said," Kong Bah bao (meat buns)?" Faint. Ok, I wonder if i'll get sued for this haaa, but.... I think law can take jokes like this.... hopefully. Anyone going to blow the whistle? haa.

Well well, just when I thought 93.8 FM doesn't like me and stopped sending me all the Slice of Life thingy, I received a tonnes of email containing them. I guess the mail got lost in cyber space.... but they still managed to reach me. ...... So i wonder, whether I should post them all today..... I bet people will die reading them.. I will post 2 each day... so that people won't over read.

Here goes

Slice of Life (17/10/05)

Starting a New Journey

Do you remember your first day in Primary school? The anxiety you felt? The reluctance to let go of your father or mother? The start of a new journey can be an intimidating experience. And there are many instances in life when we may feel like the little child on the first day of school again.

You may be starting on your university education, going for your first job interview, facing a new independent life after a divorce, or beginning work on that new million-dollar account. Whatever it is, emotions run high during these times and if you find yourself overwhelmed, good. You're normal!

It must feel lonely to think that you're embarking on a brand new chapter of your life all by yourself. The truth is, you're not, and that's exactly why you're normal. It's okay to be flustered or nervous about starting something new. Change is one of the hardest things for people to accept. It sure would be convenient to stay within your comfort zone.

But if you were to completely avoid change, you would also miss the triumphs and joys of daily life. Great people you would not have met, enriching experiences you would not have had. And while we may think we can do without any challenges, it's those very lessons that we learn from the most. While we strive to be perfect and give others a great first impression of our abilities and ourselves, we lose sight of the fact that it's okay to make mistakes. That's how we learn!

Questions of whether you will fit in or like the new environment will always be on your mind. These questions can make you nervous because your natural reaction is to spot the uncertain then dwell on it. But by accepting the fact that you cannot predict the future, you will empower yourself to make the best of today.

We've all heard many times before to "be yourself" when meeting others for the first time. But it's more than simply being yourself; it's about being your positive self. Make it easy for others to enjoy your company. Take the time out to brighten the day of others by smiling as you wish them good morning. Focus on the positive and try your best to avoid complaining. Remember that others enjoy spending time with those who raise them up, not bring them down.

Also, people will enjoy your company if you enjoy theirs. Take an interest in them, their families, passions and work. Then listen to the answers! When you listen, listen actively and attentively.
Open your eyes, heart and mind to the new environment. You may not instantly love the new experience, but at least you will learn a few lessons along the way.

Slice of Life (18/10/05)

How to Stop Being Judgemental

Judgmental people wish their beliefs, their habits, their way of life on others. They look down their nose at people who don't live up to their potential. But, your way feels right, you say. Well, your way feels right to you because of who you are, and it IS right for you. But, it is arrogant to think that others should act, be, and make the same choices that you do. For all of our differences, as long as we aren't out there raping, killing and molesting, we deserve love, respect and acceptance.

During our personal-growth travels, we'll inevitably find things we don't like about ourselves. Many of us will learn that we are judgmental of others. We will realize that if not conquered it will erode our pathway to enlightenment. But, how does one change from being a judgmental person to being a person who accepts others for who they are?

Say you see someone in line at the post office. He wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. In your judgmental days, you'd be aghast that he could leave home looking like that. You've judged him to be uncaring of her appearance, or you've judged him to be poor, or you've judged him in some other way. But, now that you are a student of personal growth and are trying to get rid of this unfavorable side of yourself, you see that there could be a myriad of reasons why he chooses to present himself that way. Perhaps he's in deep grief from a personal loss and so he does not care about her appearance. It could be any reason. The point is that he is who he is and you are who you are. How one presents themselves in public is none of your business, nor is it up to you to dictate how another person runs his life. Your way is right for you. His way is right for him.

Now that you know how to not to be judgmental, when the urge to be judgmental rears it ugly head, just think of all the reasons this person might have for doing what you deem to be the "wrong" thing. Soon, you'll have a new habit of going around with compassion in your soul for the people in which we share this world.

As a student of personal growth, your payoff is huge, and when you become non-judgmental you will indeed gain "forgiveness, compassion and peace." It's a wonderful feeling to be unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not to say that others will quit judging you just because you aren't judging of others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a thing as being non-judgmental or of becoming a better person! All you can do is continue on your journey.

Remember, it's none of your business whether they are on a path of enlightenment or not; your business is with building a better you.

27/10/05

Sux. The last presentation turned out to be a mild disaster. I guess I wasn't prepared that well.... or perhaps I didn't sleep well enough yesterday? Or perhaps I can't be the last speaker. Its really not easy being the last speaker ok. A test of patience and test of brain power, and a test of time management. For a moment during the presentation, my mind went blank. I had to flip to my prepared notes and read a few sentences from there. I wasn't prepared.... sigh. This brought back a little memory that happened when I was in army.

That day was the Sports day for our Unit, and I took part in this 10*1km relay for my unit. The group of runners requested that I run as the last runner because of my performance in my 2.4km. I did, and waited while my friends ran their life out. I was nervous, a little tiredness was felt. When it was my turn, I took over as second position (there were only 4 groups running). That was the time when I could feel my life flying out of my mouth haaa. All efforts and energy.... I told myself, don't be last... don't. During the last segment of the 1km run, a flying fish caught up from behind!! Oh my god.... and I could only see him further and further near the finishing line. Last I was.... and I fell and grasp for breath after the finishing line, uncomfortable standing, uncomfortable sitting, uncomfortable lying down.... might as well die.

I think that people shouldn't put too much hopes on me in whatever things that we need to do. I know where my abilities are. If I say I can't do something, it means, I really can't. I could try. But the results won't be that good. Somehow, if we follow the Zone of Proximal Development theory of Vygotsky, I could say that my threshold level is quite high for a difficult task, and I am also high in terms of personal mastery, and I know where I am now (current abilities). Who can provide me with the Scaffolding I need? Do genius like my friend need scaffolding? Hmm I wonder if theres any Professors willing to do such a research.

Overall, Damn myself haa.

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Pear Tree

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, the fulfillment of your fall.

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

26/10/05

A test of my limits, a battle within oneself. A mental struggle, a sense of guilt. But I managed to pull through the internal test even though the temptation was so great. Well, I fell into the temptation for a while. Thats where the guilt came in and pulled me out. This kind of feeling just appears too many times, in so many different situations. One example..... some words just couldn't come out and when it wants to come out, I managed to swallow it back haa. Well, too many times.

So what happened today you ask? Ah, I was studying lah, and planned to finish 3 lectures.... but after 2, I gave up and went to play game.....then guilt hit me.... then i went study again. Managed to finish what I planned. A satisfied child.

Ahhhhh yesterday rewrote some essay things and clocked 637 words, way below the 650 mark for my part. But when I received the final version, it was 470 words. I just can't be bothered to voice out. I don't voice out major things nearing deadlines... and I don't want to stress people out too. I am also lazy.... also don't wanna be a bad boy and ask them to shorten their part and lengthen my part. I don't like to argue.... anything goes for me. The professionals say:" you can state your point and justify your points. If they agree, then you get what you wan. No hard feelings."

Nope, I'm afraid of people blaming me. And on top of that, I'm not the one who compile. So, if I didn't not contribute enough to something, I will tell myself that I am in no position to make criticisms. I guess that has to do with my personality also.... if i'm the one handling the thing, I will not like people to tear my things apart. Once again, I'm lazy to argue my points. Even if i argue, I will lose because my left and right brain aren't nicely connected with the "mid-brain" gel. If need be, I'll state my points using music haaa. I'm crazy.

Tomorrow is another presentation, and I'm the last speaker. I realised that there are skills to be learnt being different speakers. As I'm mostly the first speaker, I learnt the art of TRYING to get people's attention. Being the middle speaker, I've learnt to be as concised as possible so as to leave some time for the last speaker. Being a last speaker (once only), I have to keep to the timing.... Something stupid happened when I was the last speaker.... That bloody tutor said "TIMES UP" immediately when I wanted to start.... I said to the crowd," ok lets ignore all the crap and go on to the last slide (I have only 2 slides at the end)." Well, I got the crowd's attention, but I left out my contents. It was fun actually.

25/10/05

Why am I posting so late today? I just completed a rewrite for the 311 report. Of course, only on my part. No lessons today but I went back to school for a meeting. When I was in the lab, I was so focused checking up my game.... but a voice, so familiar came from behind me.... But I'm just lazy to turn my head. Haa, when I left the lab, oh its her.

I realised that I cannot work in access labs, or rather any labs. It gives me a throbbing effect on my head. And my neurons just cannot transmit signals effectively. Any magnetic fields in the labs? ARgh.... or anti Bug signals.... I just feel so dead in labs. But I'm so cool at home. Home best! I'm a homely guy!! Maybe its the smell.

I can't believe that I can be so extreme dealing with people who irritates me. I'm a jerk too haa. I'm happy being bad. Scold me if you want. I'm tired being good. Brrrrrrrrr.

24/10/05

I'm glad that I'm back to normal. I'm starting to get excited being a guild leader in my online game. Its a big OMG. I have to organise operations to be done by my fellow guildmembers. Its really fun in that game because I'm meeting people from all over the world, getting together, communicating, planning, and cursing one another. Its politics in play. Now, the "CEO" is a singaporean too. I've also made good friends from the US, Indonesia, Malaysia, Australia, Europe. I'm just lucky to be in that "organization". I proved myself that I can do more shit work by planning operations haaa. Darn. Fun fun.

I am starting to conclude that I behave a little wierd when exams come near. Somehow, the hack care attitude is back.... sigh. I really don't want it, but it just come. Like what our professional attachment personnel said, "there is no such thing as a perfect piece of work. If you cannot finish on time, no matter how perfect, you would still have failed the task." I agree totally. Thats why I always don't review my work after I finish it..... Thats a major reason for an average grade for all projects haaa. I focus too much on meeting deadline and gave up quality. This sem, I learnt what is called quality work. Saw it for my own eyes.

Then again, I'm not a perfectionist. sad. Also, my life has been scarred by so many things, how to be perfect?

One last presentation to go. And I'm not worried..... this is another wierd phenomenom. I guess I hack care already. Be myself. Crap my way through.

Last day for games. After today.... serious work.

23/10/05

A lazy day.... or should I say, a lazy me. Speech for 311 done. The final presentation for the semester. 2 more exams..... into the work life. A lady who sat beside me yesterday at the dinner told me about the boring life of auditors. Thats why she went into the musician life. Is it really that bored? I shall see about that.

Wanted to go jogging.... but just so lazy after a little nap. Must be the wine effect. Anyway, I'm looking forward to dinner now. Nothing much else to look forward to. Final days of enjoyment before books munching starts. And I really munch books..... I think i study too much haa. I need to be more street smart.

The day has been so normal that there is nothing much to say again.

22/10/05

The best sat ever. Prepared my GV01 exam answers till 1pm, then completed my new composition at 2pm. I'm quite happy with it but it still doesn't sound pro. After 7 compositions, I am still at the basic level. I need inspirations for me to create a masterpiece. One that creates mood and emotions. One that will make people cry after listening to it. I think nothing can beat James Barnes' Third Symphony. Crying sensation during the performance. Another one is Hardy Merten's Non potho reposare ("I cannot rest".... I think). Why do I like pieces that brings pain and sorrow?

Somehow, I agree with an idea brought up by someone. To feel happy, you must have felt sadness before. To feel love, you must have felt hatred before. Perhaps.... to feel excited, you must be really sian loh. haa.

Talk about love, I'm going to attend my friend's wedding later. This friend is my dear partner in Westwinds. The "Auntie" we call her. My best Eupho partner so far in my musician life.... Talk about the style and intonation, our sound could merge well and deliver power tone hee. I really hope she'll keep on playing eupho even after marriage.

I still refuse to think too much into things. I would rather be blur than to be mistaken when things turn out the other way. Human beings are just complicated beings. Whats up with the neurons sia. haa. I proudly proclaim myself as a person who controls my thoughts and behavior very well. Thou sometimes confused, the time taken for recovery is rather fast. Why am I typing this paragraph? I think i'm talking rubbish. Haa trying to extend my blog. If you have read till here, Thankz ah.

Ok, now i just came back from the wedding dinner and shall continue with the rampage of my words. First good things first. The banquet was super huge. 70 tables. *drop jaw*. The whole band was invited to the dinner. Very fun to see the band with full attendance, finally. But its not for rehearsal, its for shouting haaa. I think we have the loudest "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam seng". All the diaphram power put into those 2 words. We even requested the newly-wed ones to kiss during our shouting haaa, we endured like almost 2 minutes for it..... I didn't count though. Fun fun.

I sat beside my Doc friend. I found that he is a very caring guy who pays attention to details and he doesn't mind serving other people. When I told him that I must try my liquor limit one day, he told me not to do it. He knew about my condition, and even said that when he was studying that chapter, it reminded him of me. He gave me alot of advice and tips. Glad to have him as a great friend in the band. Seriously speaking, I am really touched by it. A rather soft spoken and caring guy. Anyone interested?

Like what he said, my body is battling itself. The stronger my body is, the fiercer it will battle, and the faster i go to grave. Haa I should control my urge to drink for the good of my family.

Just a little warning: as I'm a little bit floaty from the two small glass of red wine, I'm gonna be quite direct with the things I type. Read at your own risks.

"Dear WeiQiang, got cheated again? How many times have you fall into this kind of situation? Why have you not learn your lesson? Can't you see that things can never turn out the way you expected it to be? Why do people treat you this way? Can you see the light? Think WeiQiang, think WeiQiang."

Oh come on, I'm just trying to be a nice person. I always like to help people. She just wanna borrow things from me thats all. I brought the thing, correct. I did my part. I msged her. Yes. I did. I saw them together. Yes, I know they are still together. I don't care because I haven't set my mind on anything. I just wanna lend her something, thats all.

"Really? Don't try to cheat me WeiQiang, you looked at her so many times, don't you care about whats happening? Why didn't she approach you for that thing? Why? Why don't you go up and pass it to her? "

Hey what the hack? I might get beaten by him. He is rich, handsome, playful, naughty (which all girls like), and big (macho). Anyway she saw me at the end of the dinner, and I did signal her to come over and get the thing from me. I don't know if she totally blanko me out or what, she just wave to my Doc friend beside me and then turned away. (damn it, I felt). I was too dipsy to do anything anyway. I looked at her shadows, walking further and further.... (why did the heck did I carry that thing, all the way from my home to the ballroom, and took care of it until the end of the dinner. I looked like the ultimate idiot from outer space.) Oh yes, I don't think she suits me anyway. And you! stop asking me so much questions. You are inside me and you should know much better than what is happening. Hmph.

Yes the ultimate idiot from outer space. I hate being treated like an idiot, and I hate people take me for granted. I hate people using me just because I'm easy to be used. I hate people see me as one who can help them solve their problems. I hate I hate I hate!. Ultimately, I hate myself from treating my friends so well.

I hate people who cheat me. I hate people who cheat on their friends. I hate people who doesn't behave correctly even though they are attached!!!! Unfaithful people. Damn hell. May a million needles pierce through your belly button. Assholes! Cocksters! And GIRLS! If you are attached! You bloody hell behave like you are attached! If your relationship has some problems, then settle that problem!!! Don't try and look for another even before you solve your previous problem. I deemed that as having 2 boats at one time. I despise people who are unfaithful. I hate people who cheats on other people, I cannot stress that even more! You want to look for new one..... CAN! after you settle your stuffs completely.

GUYS! Stop being an asshole to try and get good impressions from so many different girls. I am scolding myself too! No point No point! Girls today are so different from the past. AND IDIOT GUYS! DOn't think that the chioest girls are always the bEST!. You need to open your eyes and see their hearts. Stop letting your testosterones controlling you. Damn fiflthy bastards. I'm included!!

GIRLS! don't think that you CHIO you can rule the world. The chioest girls are those who doesnt' think that they are chio.

Damn it, I just sound like the world's biggests loser. Yes I admit, biggest loser. Know too much! Think too much! See too clearly about human behaviors!! Pain inside my own perception! Always looking deeper into what I see, hear, feel. That is the reason, why I don't want to wear my glasses during normal days. Seeing too clearly distorts sound and feeling. People put too much "cosmetic" on their looks and actions. I hate it.

I don't know how much more enemies I would make if all my friends sees this. Somehow, I would want all my friends to just see this as my diary and not as pin pointing anyone. My own thoughts, my own memories, my own self. Please..... if I'm not the kind of person you'll like to befriend with, just ignore me. But I assure everyone, I'm normal during normal days. Damn.

21/10/05

I felt that my another self was back today. Quiet, aimless, oblivious to the surrounding. Listening to my radio and mp3, I travelled to school as "blindly" as you can think. I allowed my sub-conscious to take over again.

Its kinda wierd. No more morning GV01 class. Not used to it. I woke up like a lazy pig. Eyes opened, roll on my bed, up, down, left, right, flip, whatever you can think of except getting up. Argh 8am. The HP guy will be coming between 9-12 to fix my comp today. This is the time to test the service quality that they claimed to be better than another company.

True enough, I was impressed with how quick that guy solve my problem. Professionally done, bravo. And he is friendly as well. I guess the connection for my card reader was loose. And the comp cannot detect my Canon compactflash card. Amazingly funny when I thought of the brands fighting. I give a thumbs up for HP customer service. Hee.

I apologize to my buddy for not able to help me. He asked me to find some data on OSIRIS and in the end, that HP guy came before i could even find the info he wanted. Sigh.

In school... nice of a guy to call me during inside the lecture hall. At that point, I suddenly feel human again cuz when i walked into the LT, I switched on the zombie mode. Thankz again ah.

Practically, this is one of the days where I can count how many sentences i've spoken in school. Ha, I think i'm returning to my old self again. Its just the central tendency to revert back to the mean behavior right? Thoughts running through my mind again. Somehow, I got a feeling I am the kind of person who will not be able to maintain the professional feel for a long time. I just want to return back to my old self who is just normal. Its really difficult to behave like a professional when I know I'm not one inside. Its not my norm behavior. I'm getting really tired. I hope my friends could treat me as a normal person (one who makes mistakes, one who do dumb things) and not one who knows everything and could solve all problems. I'm not clever. I'm just hardworking. Thats all.

20/10/05

The news of a country A building up its army...... trying to make it costly for country B to aid country C if A wants to take over C. Clever move? Humanity still hasn't learn from mistakes. War War War. Are they so free? Why not use the money to save Third World countries? Does one always has to aim for power? The worst thing is that, Country A is already so big..... can't they think more? Think think think.

Morning 2 classes. Last tutorial for 311, and another presentation session for 205. The bombing was heavier in 205, and the tutor seems to voice out the disappointments in our projects. Don't know why, I got nothing much to say about the classes. I am getting numb to tutorials. I was so appreciative to my tutors when I was in Yr 1 Sem 1. Now.... I simply can't be bothered. I just wonder how is my participation marks for 311 because I didn't say much during the tutorials. I hope that tutor is nice enough to give us average marks.

半夜睡不着觉， 把心情哼成歌， 只好到屋顶找另一个梦境。 SOrry loh, house no roof top. Carpark can?

Freezing the whole day. I think I could get brain freeze without drinking cold water. Ahhhhh the ultimate "Sensation".

Can someone read my mind? Haa I hope not, cuz its really dangerous and crappy.

19/10/05

I dreaded going home. Expecting a cold and freezing atmosphere. But it turned out the other way. I was surprised. Inside me, I thought what happened yesterday was a dream.

Yesterday: A tornado seemed to have came into my house, rampaged everything and then ran away. I was hiding in my room, hoping everything would end soon. I turned on my TV, loud, shaking.

Although everything seems fine, the damage was done once again. The cracked deepened even further. It will take the finest technology to heal it but I bet its going to be the technology of a million years later. This is the phobia.... the ultimate cause of phobia. Don't blame me.... and I don't blame them. Its my life. Live it.

Now going on to eat dinner with them.... a strange feeling. I'm still shaking inside, wonder if the tornado will come again.

The weather is always very calm before the tornado come. I'm weary, weary.

Can all feel my woes? The sky do.... always raining at the most appropriate time.

The above is for my memories and I hope no one would talk to me about it in real life, thankz.

The bird flu is here again, faster and more powerful. Somehow this led me to think about the terrorists. Somehow I really wonder why terrorists wants to be terrorists. Are they thinking that they can be better than the governments in solving human problems? Will they be able to build up the economy and give people a better place to live in than the current governments? Wait till they get bird flus then they'll come asking for help. I really cannot comprehend, what is their purpose? Why are they doing all those things? Whats up with them man!

I went to school in the morning for a meeting, then slacked all the way to 12.30pm. Then I went to have lunch with my buddy. I got another friend who wanted to join us but in the end, it was really a comedy. Asked me whether the canteen was crowded and all those stuff. I said, no prob, join us. And when this friend called me again and ask me where I was.... I said I was near the Macdonalds. The outcome: This friend is in Can B while I'm in Can A. Interesting haa. In the end, this friend didn't join us. So cute loh.... We can always have lunch another time :)

So the quiz came in the afternoon. I'm lucky that I didn't cracked my head revising for it, cuz i know that I will not be able to do any better if I spent a few more hours revising it. The returns on the effort put in was +ve in this case. Any more effort, I think its not worth it anymore. I will pass this quiz but i wonder if i can get A for this module (doesn't matter i think cuz its not like I have As for all my other Minor modules). All GEs over now except an exam for Music Appreciation. Anyway I classified it under a take home exam because we know the questions already. Somehow, I wished that we all didn't know the questions..... might be a bit better?? hee. I'm so evil that I want everyone to do badly haa.

Bus ride home.... told myself "stop listening to Jay's songs" cuz those songs will make my mind go blur blur. So many thoughts inside. Have you all seen a soft guy before? Its me, a life example.

18/10/05

I just feel so down. Remember that I spoke about something regarding the school I taught in? I finally saw the documents that justify my mistakes. Somehow, 70% of the things are correct. I have requested my teacher to help me solve that 30%. I just feel so bad that I sent that email to my teacher. He is innocent haa. I think I have learnt 3 things from this incident.

1) Never express any emotions unless the picture of the incident is clear enough to do so.

2) Any mistakes in the admistration should be sounded immediately when it was made. Even if the mistakes was approved by the person in charge, never and never agree with that person. Someday.... someday, it will be found out. Be it tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.... it will be found.

3) Don't be afraid to tell someone that he/she made a mistake in something. Its never ok to think that the mistake might be acceptable, especially when someone is doing the work on your behalf. On top of that, if you have signed that document when someone else made a mistake, you should ensure the mistake is corrected before the work is handed up.

These 3 things have very big implications to my working life in the future. I have to control myself even more when bad things happened to me. If someone made a certain assertion about me, I will need to find out about the whole picture before I show any emotion. Also, I will have to be very objective when doing anything. Even if a mistake could be covered, or agreed by the higher authority, I should just admit that mistake and make changes to it immediately.

I feel like I'm being accused as a fradulent accountant..... just because that person, at that time, told me that "its alright, its ok". No its not!! Now, the school is capitalising on my mistake and made the mistake even more colourful. Claiming that my mistake is even bigger than the actual. Now I have to use facts to prove that the mistake is only at a certain level. Ah, waste time.

A feel of admistrative error. This might happened in the future in my work place. Big lessons learnt!! I'll remember it for life.

One thing to note...... segregation of duties.... doesn't work all the time, especially when one has higher authority and the other is blur (me).

Today, I did more researched on 311 and found a few pieces of perfect information for my project!! Cool hee. So happy too.

Wanted to play more games but the incident just shaken me so much that I went to meet my teacher and my friend about it. Problem solved i guess. I shall play more games later.

I went jogging. I miss the feeling. Now i just feel so dry that i need a big tub of water. Always like that. I'm easily fat and easily thin. Envy me? Haa.

17/10/05

This is my 365th post for my blog. 1 yr, perfect. I wonder what brought me to start this crappy place. Was it the urge to tell people about myself? Was it the place to put all my memories down? Was it a place for all woes and complaints? Was it a place to express feelings and ideas that couldn't come out of my mouth in reality? There are just so many things running through my mind everyday but I just couldn't verbalise them. I just lack the linking gel in between my left and right brain. They operate seperately i suppose.

Talking about brain functions, I've witnessed the best brain power ever. That person is non other than the one in my 206 class. That person was able to speak so fast and think so fast and remember so fast that I thought that person's mind is running on the latest processor technology. Amazed by the speed, volume, and fluency, that person might just be the best i've seen so far. No cue cards btw.

Its october.... 2 years have passed since that faithful day. Well, memories fade as time goes by actually. I can't even remember the exact date where I made the agreement. I'm just disappointed about myself. 1 more year to test myself. To know myself more. Somehow, I have the answers to it already. Thou shall not tear people's relationship apart haa.

My Band instructor called in response to my terrible email. I guess I was a bit over fiery on my tone and words. He got overwhelmed and he requested me to just called him instead of writing such things. Ha. Well, I was surprise that he is "on my side" for this matter. I hope i don't get another person into trouble for this. My colleque... seems to be getting alot of scolding... I don't like to engage myself in any action that would cause my friends to suffer. I would rather be the one who suffers. I will only defend myself if and only if no one is "hurt" in the process. I hate politics.

Just when I thought my blazer would have to stay in my wardrobe for a few yrs before seeing the light, it has made its debut today. "Onto the battle!" sounded in my mind. Like what our leader says, the "armour" would give you a boost in confidence and lets you feel that you are invinsible. And after this semester, my presentation style has made a great change. Its for the better. My next step to improvement is to use smaller cards instead of big A4 paper as cue material. Next sem perhaps? One problem.... how to put all my sentences into those small cards? faint.

A strange phenomenum was detected today. It seems like my friend's dream might turn out to be true haaa. Thats something interesting to note. Not going to spell things out here, cuz i know the related people would read this somehow.

(Time passes, minutes lost. I chose to filter so emotions out. I use my mind to shut my heart up. Whenever it started beating the "wrong" way, "corrective" actions are done. Why why? I couldn't stop the corrective actions. The system up there is so rational that such corrective actions come so naturally. I couldn't bother, I couldn't care. I see too much ugliness in reality. It makes me worry, wonder. Fearful. The heart is the culprit. Ugliness lurks. Uglily ugly- if there is such a description. Knowing too much about human behavior just makes me a wierd person.... I could see the ugliness too much clearer than anyone else. Ignorance is a bliss.)

16/10/05

A day of wasteful activities. Somehow, why am i feeling sucky and guilty when i didn't do much productive work? Its just wierd. Am I so suited with making myself busy that I can't stop to have a rest and have fun? My heart is just knocking me out. How slacky am I today? Very.

Well, the only "good" thing i did was to prepare my speech for tomorrow. Somehow, wasn't that motivated as compared to my 206 presentation. Can I just read from my speech? Can't be bothered. Shall seduce people with my sexy voice..... perhaps, if i can.

Hmm I also did a little bit of reading for my quiz that will be held on wed. sigh, no matter how much i study for MCQ tests, i will do badly one lah. 205 have proven that. So, low morale on the reading part.

I wanted to do the 311 thingys. But.... my partner didn't reply my msg. All information with her loh. Darn. And she did say to leave everything to her. I'll contribute to the report then.

After all those lousy unproductive work, I went to play games. Continued with my Xenosaga. NIce CG. Amazed by the storyline. This just brings me back to old days where i chiong games. After the RPG, I went on to a crashy good time with Burnout 3. Just hate people to ram my car. I'll just boost myself with nitro and hit my steering wheel to the max and ram that bloody car at the butt. Happy kissing the wall~~ and fly into the building, and twirl into the blue sky and scream "holli mama!!"

Now i'm here, after all those, feeling so guilty. sigh.

Oh i forgottent to mentioned that i finally collected my suit. Its about time. I guess it'll be in my wardrobe for quite a while before i get a chance to wear it. 1 yrs? 2 yrs? 5 yrs? ha.

Hmm, can you imagine a primary 6 school girl msging you like trying to be your Gf? I shouldn't have gave her my number. It meant to be for work questions and band stuffs. but... knowing that someone greets you in the morning and at night would make you feel better right? Anyway, my perspective is right... teacher-student. Ha. Anyway, I am the perfect Bachelor taking this Bachelor of Accountancy. Not happy? Sue me then.

15/10/05

Today is the day for my Uncle's ROM. So cool!. First time there. I am the camera man ok! I steady steady, run here run there. The old man who did the talking very cool also. I took tonnes of pics loh. Somehow, my uncle has changed so many girlfriends, but finally settled down with this one. I think he made the right choice. A good heart. That is the most important.

After that, we went to Yong Chun Lou for a meal. Yes, this is the only meal that they are going to treat. 1 table. It doesn't need a big celebration for a couple to be happy in a marriage. As I see my uncle and his wife, I could see the togetherness. And after so much crisis my uncle went through, he could still find someone. Remarkable. He is charming, cool, and funny. Hmm how can those 3 attributes get together. haa. He has it.

I drank a bit haa. Just 1 cup only mah. Beer. Ah, shows how much I couldn't hold my liquor. Slightly blur but then shiok hee. Yup and I'm as red as a crab. Cannot hide one. Drink and become a crab. I need to train and practice drinking!! Anyone? haa. Wine appreciation. How I wonder there is this module in school.

Next, I was so angry with that stupid school. Darn. I shall not put the details here. I've already sent an email to my main instructor and hope to seek his help. I hate it when people doubt my integrity and professionalism. What a deep insult. Damn. This just shows how important it is to check what your friends are doing in the work place. They might just cause your downfall.

Night time, a secondary school gathering for all ex bandmembers.... but quite a few of people turned up.... perhaps 10? Its really nice to see my section leader/drum major. He is doing well as an officer in Air Force. So cool. There are a few people in my batch as well. I am surprised that a once notorious ah beng has become a nice and hardworking gentleman. People do change. Even if how bad they are in school, they can one day be in a good shape. He is working as a insuarance agent, or perhaps known as financial advisor.

Oh ya, we met at the top of a carpark where the area is for us to hold gatherings and functions. Not bad. Lots of jokes and chats. I'm just not used to meeting people that i haven't see for such a long time, I was quiet most of the time. Alot of Drum and band majors turned up, including me, and we are all now doing different things.

Its really cool to know that one of my percussion friend is aiming to major in music, percussion performance. He actually auditioned for Boston!!! amazing, but was not selected. However, he is going to Toronto. Amazing percussionist. I guess one of the best in Singapore. Free Lance for SSO too!.

Another guy, my co Band major during my batch. He become so dark and marcho. OMG. haaa am i normal to say those kind of things.... perhaps need to hear my tone before anyone can determine whether i'm normal or not. Can't believe he is single. He is a lady killer.

Westlake Military band.... once a legacy in 1990, Outdoor marching band specialist. All the Seniors are all so gunho and Steady. Young people nowaday will not be able to take the tough training. We had the best drill skills compared to all uniform groups. We had the highest spirits.

I had some regrets in there though.

Apologies to my eupho junior that I was incompetent to realise that his embrouchure was wrong at the beginning, and it caused him to suffer even until he graduates from the band.

Apologies to my co Band major as I was too eager to perform and took over the conducting of the band during my years as drum major.

Apologies to the school for dropping my maze 3 times during the National day performance where hundreds was watching (speech day was perfect).

Apologies to one of my teacher in charge where I wrote a letter to bomb him for not doing enough for the band. (amazingly, he became the best teacher incharge after that)

Apologies to all my bandmembers who endured my loud voice during drill sessions. I now know how loud sounds can terribly impact your hearing. I've gave up shouting.

Hey, while I was waiting for my friend in the MRT, I saw this poster " Are you Psychosis?" And it stated alot of questions regarding this thing. I qualify for some questions haaa, but I think i'm normal lah haa. Just some interesting thoughts that this kind of thing exist in the world haa.

14/10/05

So confident about the Listening test. Was smiling throughout the quiz. 1 week of memorizing work.... can't fail me right? Just that Section B of the listening paper was unexpected. If I know, I would have prepared it before hand. Argh...... But the tutor was nice to give us our exam question beforehand. And my friend and I had planned to share our answers, or rather, division of labour to find the answers. Ahhhhh memorizing work again!! To all my friends out there, GV01..... can't fail if you have good memory.

I know I've said this before but I just want to reiterate the point that talking with my friend over lunch is just one of the best thing in NTU. Talk about job, school work, friends, complaints. Somehow I talk more about myself than I ask about my friend. I guess.... knowing more about my friend might make me even more sad? haa. We are good and great friends, confirm hee. What can I ask more of it? Will you give me a job if i'm jobless in the future? I keep on asking my friends that question. Somehow I think that I might be jobless.... sad haa.

I got another disaster dream yesterday night. This time, the disaster ended like a cartoon show. One moment, I felt so close to the Tornado, the next moment, I heard someone telling me its just a fake thing, and everything turned back to normal. So close, so close. Its like giving me a vision about what will happen in the future. I hope that kind of future doesn't come.

Hey, I've starting to enjoy working with the genius. Its true that teams go through all the normal stages. Forming, Norming, then slowly synthesize, and then produce a good team dynamic. I have develop a routine pattern mentally as i'm working with him. Its just sad that everything is going to end when the team starts to funtion well.

As I'm listening to chinese songs by David Tao, Jay, J.J, etc, I could feel my heart souring haa. Thats a kind of feeling that disappeared for a while. Its the heart of musician. Professionals said that those who play good music are those who have went through alot in life. Somehow I got a feeling that my musical abilities was not innate. Circumstances have made me feel so much. And I could sense how other people feel as well. In a wierd way, I might just be a psychic hee. But well, I think i'm guessing most of the time. I did go wrong in many situations, and so, i've stopped assuming. Even when signals are so great, I've tend to tell myself its not what I think. Perhaps the Bypass function is on for a long time.

Anyway, today's slice of life relates to me so much. I mean the 13th one.

Slice of Life 13th oct

Forget the Bad

What's the key to a rewarding and lasting relationship?

Some people may tell you that it is to find out each other's weaknesses, understand them, and work through them together as a couple. Although this is feasible to a certain extent, it can become frustrating and exhausting, because there will be problem spots that you won't be able to resolve together.

A woman discovered what loving someone truly involved, when she asked her husband to try out a relationship-building exercise she came across in a magazine.

She approached him and said, "I read in a magazine a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage. Each of us will write a list of the things we find a bit annoying about the other person. Then we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."

Her husband agreed, so each of them went into a separate room and thought of all the things that annoyed them about each other. They thought about this for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The following morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.
"I'll start," offered the wife and took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill three pages in fact. As she started reading the list of little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husband's eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," her husband replied, "Keep reading your list."

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over it.

"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists," she said happily.

Softly, her husband started, "I don't have anything on my list. I love you the way you are. And I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you." Very often, raising the negative aspects of a relationship can erode its strength rather than reinforce it. When you love someone, it should be in spite of his or her flaws. There will always be things to disappoint, depress and annoy us about our partners. But why dwell on these when there is so much beauty, promise and light as well?

Two simple tips for couples To make full your loving cup If you're wrong, admit it If you're right, shut up

Slice of Life 14th Oct

Your Invincible Summer

Midlife!

Depending on your disposition (and whether you found a grey hair this morning), that word can either comfort you or strike fear into your heart.

Midlife is a normal developmental life stage. It can be a positive and mindful process of the whole person you will be for your second adulthood. It cannot be avoided. It's as inevitable as adolescence. And in many ways, similar, because you'll experience loss, change, some disorientation and confusion. You may make some foolish decisions. But prepare and pay attention and you can complete this journey with a minimal amount of struggle.

Many people regard midlife as a period of slowing down, but this need not be the case. Recognize that change takes time and give yourself permission to move at your own speed. Surround yourself with a circle of friends who will listen, support, suggest and commiserate. And actively explore and resolve the seven key decisions of midlife.

These decisions are:

1. What will my legacy be?
2. What meaningful work do I now want to do?
3. How can I fulfill my need to nurture?
4. How can I sustain meaningful relationships in my life?
5. How can I express myself creatively?
6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?
7. What surroundings do I want?

Because midlife usually involves redefining purpose, the first key decision is legacy. What do you hope to leave the world? How do you want to be remembered? Within that context, the second key decision has to do with meaningful work.

As parents and children age, responsibilities change. For those who have not had children, as well as for those with grown children, new ways to nurture - from being the "fun" uncle to fostering pets - emerge. As friendship patterns shift, we are faced with finding new relationships or finding alternate ways to maintain the old ones.

Part of remaining vibrant is finding outlets for creative _expression - from writing to visual arts, from crafts to sporting excellence. As you encourage your mind to grow, so too should you find ways to nurture your spirit. Find ways to grow and enrich your life. As French author Albert Camus once said, "In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

13/10/05

Tomorrow music quiz. The time to test my memory, after 1 week of intensive listening to those ahhhhhhh "nice" pieces. I do like classical music, and romantic music, but not for schooling purposes. The fact that i'll be tested on my memory isn't going to interest me musically. Music should never be linked to money or fame. Passion is the only thing.

芳说：祸不单行， 我说工不单行。 When work comes, it doesn't comes in single. As at today, I'm just having 3 more project thingys on my mind. Not forgetting a quiz tomorrow and another quiz next wed. Well, tonight is chionging night. I guess my stress isn't as great as the genius' one. I can see him lack of basic human needs, sleep. I think my part is just to ensure i don't give him more problems, hope.

Zhang Zhi Cheng accompanied me throughout my bus journey. It has been long since I last listen to Ktv songs. I missed those days where i could just go and sing without worry.... of course, that was the time where time was abundant. Well, I will sure jio my ktv kaki after all these busy shit. Who says 3 yrs are slacking, who says Uni lives are good? Bulldupe (hmm new word learnt?)

朱古立 (wrong characters i guess) 在哪里?

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Cost of Money

A boy was walking along a road one day when he spotted a ten-cent coin shining in the dust. He picked it up and thought, "This coin is mine! And it cost me nothing!"

He couldn't help beaming as he continued walking. He thought, "I'm sure there're more coins lying around. I just have to look out for them."

From that day, wherever he walked, he kept his head down, his eyes closely surveying the ground for more coins - and perhaps even greater treasure!

The years passed as if in a blink of an eye, and as the boy continued down his path, the sun and moon brought the light and dark over him in a rapid and whimsical manner. Kind of like in a stop-action-clay-animation film by Tim Burton.

The boy was now an old man. As he sat by the window of his rickety shed, he unfurled the handkerchief in which he kept his life's hoard of picked-up change.

He counted slowly? just to make sure. One dollar, two dollars, three dollars? $12.82! And when he'd finished counting, his treasure would bring the smile to his face again, lighting it up as if he were still the boy who'd picked up his first ten-cent coin.

His thoughts travelled back in time?"This coin is mine! And it cost me nothing!"

During his lifetime, he collected a total of $12.82. He kept his treasure safe, delighting in the fact that the money had cost him nothing. Or had it?

In the course of scouting out his treasure, he had missed seeing the full beauty of 35127 sunsets, the splendour of 327 rainbows, the beauty of white clouds floating overhead in crystal blue skies, leaves fluttering against a backdrop of brilliant sunshine, and possibly the joy of a wife and children had he only taken his eyes off the ground to truly see the real joys of life.

A life? worth all of twelve dollars and eighty-two cents.

12/10/05

Today, I made the craziest presentation in my life time. Some phrases and words just came out of nowhere and I think I fully entertained the class. Some example.

1) "We are the CRAZY people from this company called Soccer for Dummies Pte Ltd."

2) "If you miss me so much, I'll be back at the end to wrap up the presentation with the conclusion"

3) (Tutor says times up and I have yet to present the part on reliability and validity). "Ah, lets forget about the reliability and validity and jump straight to the conclusion."

I think I really enjoyed today's presentation. Its really the rare opportunity where I can really take off the wall barrier between me and my audience. No more chance for casual presentation this semester. Its serious stuff next monday. Depending the style that my leader wants me to adopt, I'll prepare accordingly.

So this morning, I attending 206 presentations made by my friends. Well, I sat alone with no one near me on my left and right, 5 metres perhaps. Somehow, I just got a bit more learning from the presentation. My mind was as dead as zombie, listening to the presentations. Nonetheless, a more human mind would be better for me.

After that lesson, I have to travel all around the school. Went to hand in the tutor evaluation form to B3-S3, then went to my fyp tutor's door to collect things at B1-S3, then went Canteen for super early lunch, then went to Access lab to print my ES104 project slides and confirm everything, then travel to OPA high up in the mountain, then went back to Access lab. Those things took me 1 hr. Dah.

Thats all the excitment today. I'm just so hungry now. BUt I will endure. I need to get those flabby stomach fats away. Ahhhhh!

11/10/05

不知道为甚么我今天会想要用华语来写我的日记。我知道这样写可能会一辈子都会写不完，但是我还是想试一试。写到这里，不知不觉已经十五分钟了。真是狼狈。我还是用英文写比较好。

A bold attempt, a strong emotion. Chinese words are definitely more expressive. A few phrase can speak a thousand emotions. Perhaps my blog readers can just imagine that i'm typing chinese for the rest of my blog.

When I woke up, I found that I didn't have to go teach band. They have exams today. Ah, less cash but more time. I have to make full use of the time i have. So, I complete my 2nd draft for my FYP chapter 3 first section. Sent to tutor and he replied like in an instant. Nearly fainted. Then I typed out my speech for my GE presentation for tomorrow. Then looked at my 205 slides and think about what i have to say. Didn't type that out though. Then researched for my 311. So amazingly irritated by all those news report. So many things to do. I gave up. I send all those reports to my friend to settle haa. I'm really good in Tai Chi.

I have come to another conclusion. When you have more time to do things, you will tend to work slower. That happens to me. I'm behaving like a snail today. Most of the time, i'm staring at the screen, doing nothing. Oh.... at the meantime i'm doing all those work, i'm memorising and recognizing the music pieces that i'll be tested on friday. Dah!

After all those work, it was 5pm already. Hmm 8 hrs of work and only that little accomplished. Faint. After that, I went out to do some photocopying stuff. I can't believe that i'm going to apply for D&T, a firm that my friend doesn't like. All documents ready. I've also made application to PwC yesterday. 3meg of attachment, i hope they will open it. Sigh.

I walked around in Toa Payoh central, listening to my music, in the world of my own. I'm just giving my emotions a little therapy. The sound track from Windstruck really massages my heart. Sometimes happy, sometimes sorrow. Where has my feelings gone to? Why am I so worried with things, not work related. I think, if i cannot maintain, why start. And, if eventually, it might end, why start. I don't know.... is name so important? Dah.

Slice of Life

A Single Step

Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu famously said "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

Indeed, as with everything in life, we learn by taking one step at a time. We may fall down, but we get back up and take another step. That is the only way to learn and to continue growing. In such a fast-paced modern world, however, some of us forget that principle. We try to run, inevitably trip and take a very painful tumble.

Some of us put off this journey of self-discovery and empowerment; we model ourselves against other people, we learn to suppress our genuine selves in order to fit in, we are terrified perhaps that if we opened ourselves up and looked in, we might not like what we see.

Well, like it or not, that's a risk we all have to face. With high risk comes high yield or a big loss. Unfortunately, most of us prefer to live in denial. We go about thinking the best or the worst of ourselves, until one day we fall down into the mud and we actually have to face ourselves. Who are you? What makes you special? What makes you YOU?

There are four basic steps that we need to follow on our journey.

Step One - Be prepared to look at yourself and admit that every bruise, every fall is all your doing.

Step Two - Surrender, let go of the idea that you should control every event, and have faith that everything you ask will be given to you.

Step Three - Sit down every day and write. Start a journal and every day record the events of the day, paying attention to your reactions to events, experiences, and people. Classify your reactions for what they were, whether they be anger, jealousy, resentment, joy, love, or self-pity.

By identifying your reaction and classifying it as your reaction to an event, you will come to see why you are acting as you are. Why you would react angrily in a situation that does not require anger; your own feelings and responsibilities.

Step Four - Ask why. "Why do I become angry in that situation?", "What is my deeper hidden feeling about this type of situation?". Start recording your "why's" in a separate book. In this book, record all your experiences and incidents of your past and how you reacted to them.

You will soon start to see that your current reactions can be traced back to past situations. Sooner of later we must admit that all our reactions are a result of our desires, expectations and our ego. Once you can trace your weaknesses, you will find ways to deal with them in a more constructive and positive way.

10/10/05

I can hear!!! The sound of my heart beat. My heart was jumping and pumping so hard that it nearly came out. It was during the morning presentation. Luckily I was able to use all possible techniques to calm myself down. And today, I feel that I did one of my best presentations ever, except for the occasion of blank-outs in my mind. I did the right choice of writing my whole speech out and putting in front of me. I cannot blabber on and on without looking at notes. The class laughed a bit during my part, I wonder if I said the wrong thing or I looked really funny hmm. I didn't notice it actually. I was too engross at what i'm suppose to say. But overall, I had great fun. I just cannot get used to talking to a group of intelligent grown ups. My usual self.... talking to a bunch of playful noisy kids. Shouting most of the time and looking black most of the time. Ah.... that might shorten my life.

I got so happy about the presentation that I let my mind rested during the bus ride. Listen to some eupho music and slept throughout. Its not a nice sight wearing office wear and sleeping in the bus. Perhaps people might think that i just got sacked.

The process for the presentation was hardwork.... whatever it is, the ending must be a happy one, even if it screwed up or what. I have another presentation on wed that i want to experiment more styles of presenting. This time, it will be a shouting presentation cuz its a lecture hall without microphones. Not to worry, my voice is loud enough. No doubt on my diaphram strength. I can blow a tree away!! just kidding!

A tribute to my group members. In our group, we have the

1) Genius
2) Teddy (hope you don't mind hee)
3) The Pen
4) Hello Kitty
5) The paranoid/worker/blackface (me!)

My dog joined me and my parents for dinner at the coffee shop today. She had great fun looking at people. I can't believe that sitting on the chair, looking at people could be so fun. And she can't eat our food. After that, we brought her to a play ground. She had so much fun sitting the slide that she kept on bugging my mum to bring her up. What a Young Auntie haa. She is 6 yrs now, equivalent to 42 yrs old human. Guess what..... she keep on "talking" in her sleep just now. Sooooo cute!

Slice of Life

Writing An Apology to Your Partner

One of the hardest things to do in the world is apologise. I don't mean the obligatory "I'm sorry, ok?" that we sometimes use to bring a tiresome fight to an uneasy close. I'm talking about a full-fledged apology, one that addresses the difficult issues and seeks a compromise that both parties can use to move forward.

Such apologies are extremely unwieldy, and can be especially awkward in a face-to-face situation, a phone conversation, or any system of communication that allows spontaneous feedback. Now feedback can be good, but unfortunately, most of us don't use feedback very well in face-to-face apology situations. Very often, the wrong word is said, the tone comes out too strong, or statements are made that can throw off the entire apology.

So if you find that face-to-face apologies are not working out for you, try writing your apologies.
Writing your apology enables you to collect and refine your thoughts. It is very difficult to think through an apology on the fly, especially if your angry partner is on the offensive.

In addition, a written apology ensures that you will be heard all the way through. Nobody will interrupt and start yelling when they are reading an apology.

Also, you avoid the hostile questions that often interrupt you when you start speaking the apology. These negative questions have the nasty effect of derailing your good intentions and then you just have another argument which demands another apology.

Apologizing without having to face your partner also helps you avoid the raised eyebrows and squinting eyes during the apology which can just derail you again. Besides, a written apology looks like you've given the matter some serious thought (which might even be true).

The structure and flow of your apology is also important, so you might want to follow a formula like this:

1. Describe your offense. This is necessary so your partner knows exactly what you're apologizing for.
2. Describe what you think is the effect on your partner. This display of empathy is comforting to the other person.
3. Describe why you did what you did. This reassures your spouse that you're on top of the problem and reduces their need to nag you about it.
4. Describe a self imposed penalty for not changing. This one is the clincher. Think of an appropriate penalty for your offensive behavior, and tell it to your spouse. Tell them that if you don't change you will impose the penalty on yourself. This reassures them that you mean business.

9/10/05

So, I completed what I need to do except for FYP chapter 3. The comments given by the tutor requires me more time to type the changes. But, it was fun..... i think.

My "Wife" was with me for the past week. Today I finally brought it back to westwinds. Remember I've said before that there is a very loud trombonist in westwinds and how much i hated him? Well, I talked to him today. Hmm he asked me about where i'm studying and all those stuff. I guess he is not that hostile to me afterall. Sigh, sometimes i just lack the initiative to talk to people. I scared people ask me to shut up haaa. I'm more "quiet" in the sense but my voice is very loud... when i need to raise my voice.

The conductor didn't come today because he was sicked, so that trombonist took over and conducted the pieces. The repertoire is relatively set already. Mostly pop songs and some light pieces. I think the audience would like them. But.... i still don't know when the concert is, so haa, i'll post here when i know it.

Today, i rehearsed my speech so many times that I could memorise part of it already. But when its on the actual presentation, i would prefer to read from my notes. I don't know how haa. I'll just bring my fully typed notes and try to present without referring to it...... but temptation is sooooooo big!! ha

我真的不知道我到底要如何是好。有时候，人真是一个奇怪的动物。 我更是比普通人更奇怪。怎么办呢?

pray for me for tomorrow.

8/10/05

Another day of continuous work. Somehow I got a bit used to this kind of life. All work and no play. Sitting in front of the computer for 90% of the day.... seems like a must. Humans do react to environmental changes and adjust their mind and behavior. And I do seems to be reacting quite greatly to changes in lifestyle. "Used to it" is the phrase. I wonder what happens when everything is over.... perhaps when holidays come..... well, PA comes and no resting time either!. How exciting..... hmm

So... what have I done? Ok, I continued where i left off when I couldn't finish preparing my speech for the presentation yesterday night. I finished typing everything at about 11am i think. My drive started to slow down after that. I had to carry on to do my 205 slides. Forced myself... I was listening to a list of music that I will be tested for my GE next week. I need to remember the titles and composers of those pieces!! I keep on thinking while i'm doing the slides. Multitask.... bad for me. Anyway, I managed to finish my slides at about 1pm.

Hmm lunch then. Lately, I don't even have time to have a proper meal with my parents. I always have to rush back home after I finish while my parents are still munching away at the coffee shop. Sians.

After the lunch, I gotta read the 2hundred over pages worth of financial statements for KeppelLand...... who in the world would read that much crap!! that is just crazy. If i'm the shareholder, I might just get so pissed off and don't read those things. But.... KeppelLand is doing well now!! with its share price risen to almost a dollar more than when it was at 3 mths ago. Amazing. And guess what, I have to find out any information that cannot be used to value the firm. Perfect haa. That took me about 2 hrs to 4pm.

Time to take off for a meeting at city hall but..... I switched on the FF7 new movie for a while, and nearly forgotten to leave home. The graphics is damn good!! and the music.... still triggers my memories of those days where I played that game. Those were the days where I played games for more than 10 hrs a day. I wonder if any company would come out with games for busy people. Hmm. Ponder.

The meeting was great fun, with me reading off my script. Exceeded time limit!! Sigh.... how? This is the first time I'm so hard working with presentation... hmm perhaps the last time i worked so hard was for my biz comm class. The harder I work, the worst i might perform haa, cuz stress mah. But I cannot disappoint my groupmates!! I'll keep my cool, hopefully.

Through this experience with my groupmates, I have seen the difference between an A group and a B group. Its really in the effort and the thinking process. I just so fortunate to be with the best people in NBS. I have so much things to learn from everyone. Teach me teach me!!

2 more sems to make mistakes before going into the big world outside where mistakes could be fatal to me. I'm going to make as much mistakes as possible now!! .... kidding.

Tomorrow, ES104 typing the final part and prepare ppt slides for final part. FYP typing chapter 3-Britain part. Then go for band pract in afternoon from 2-6, then at night, final touch up on presentation preparation. Hope everything goes fine. ARGH!!　いけ!　がくせんの戦い!　がんばってください　みな！　ああああああああ！

*Another earthquake????! Sigh. Does it take a crisis to get all the human beings in the world to work together? And, when would terrorists understand that violent can't solve the problems. And, when will the politicians know that prosecuting more terrorists doesn't solve the problem? And, when would the mosquitos understand that if they kill more people, there will be less people for them to suck blood. Can the mosquitos go do blood test to make sure they are dengue free????*

7/10/05

Dark clouds starts to move away, and the rays of light starts to cast its energy onto the vast green land. Animals began cheering as they survived through the destructive storm. As the grass swayed to the rythmn of the slight breeze, the insects and bugs from within rose to the celebrative occasion. Looking forward to new challenges, looking forward to exploring new lands, the bugs took flight in search of a better paradise.

The morning started out just so great. Looking forward to GE presentation. Its another enjoyable project preparation with this person. I shall type the following few paragraphs by addressing to this friend.

"You have never disappoint me in the preparation for your part of the presentation. No matter how difficult or how hard the tasks are, you could complete it with no complaints. My confidence and trust in you has risen to a greater level. You have so called pampered me in such a way that I could leave difficult tasks to you without worrying. And, I can always get out of preparing such difficult things. Technical analysis was like that, Music interpret is also like that (for today's case).

Project meetings with you is always a fruitful and efficient. The synergies between us just seems so great that it gives me a feeling that we could take the world on. Someone once commented about the speed at which our ideas and thoughts exchanged during meetings. Decisions on the project was made so fast, and the contents was decided in a swift and decisive manner. This has contributed to the few number of meetings we need for difficult projects like 201 and 213.

I am still quite disappointed about myself when I left the final parts of 213 to you last semester. I thought you might not want to work with me anymore after that. My attitude was poor, I admit. Last semester was crap for me. Poor mental strength, and everything was poor. You took it up and finished it in a rousing manner. You told me you didn't have confidence in that project but it turned our well. Our synergies couldn't fail right?

The most important thing of doing a project is to be happy while doing it. If you're not happy during the process, any good results would have minimal effect of the satisfaction of the task. I could say truly that you have made the process of doing projects so easy and happy. Sometimes, I even want to say that my success was due greatly to your presence. (why am I getting so touchy today?)

1 more semester and we will be working in different areas. It seems like we'll be going into different world. I just hope we can still be in touch. I'll remember you as a great friend and group mate. Although you didn't accept me, we could still one day work together as collegues or business partners. I wonder how possible would that be..... Banks and Audits.

One more sem.... Farewell? Goodbye? Or we shall meet again? ha. As a friend, I wish you the best in your relationship and work in the future. Be happy always."

The bugster
(I don't know if you'll read this but it doens't matter. Just treat it as a letter that is not delivered.)

The presentation was great and everything went so good. Of course we are comparing to non business students. I think we are the best amongst the 4 groups. Anyway music is what i like to do.

After the presentation, I went to a meeting for 206 presentation. Kinda relaxing mind then. Was soooooo surprised that I was able to say what I wanted to say for my slides off hand. I guess its the pressure to perform up to the genius' expectations. I'm learning alot this sem... and it'll be a life skill. Thankz man.

Got to go for dinner then prepare my speech and amend the slides. This weekend seems to be better than the last one. Task to be done are not as packed. However, activities are more. Tomorrow, meeting in the evening, sunday westwinds practice for esplanade concert. Chiong liao.

Slice of Life

Yesterdays

Worrying is generally a pointless activity. Most of the time, 80% of our problems exist only in our minds. The worst that could happen generally doesn't happen. On those rare occasions it does happen, it's only because we've thought about it so much, we actually make it real.

So why do we spend so much of our time and energy on such a futile endeavour? We all fear the unknown. And so we fret, we worry, we lose sleep, we stress ourselves and others out by complaining? But what can we realistically do about the unknown? If we're going to think about the unknown, we might as well think positively, since the future's going to happen either way? and at least being optimistic about it might actually bring about a favourable outcome!

Getting upset about what has already happened is also something that sounds foolish enough, but so many people continue do it, including myself. Ralph Waldo Emerson has a few things to say about dwelling on the past?

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.

An excerpt of an article written by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

There is genuinely nothing we can do about yesterday? or for that matter, about something that happened a second ago. It is tomorrow, or the next moment, that we should be living and planning for.

So free yourself from the shackles of the past, and work towards a better tomorrow.

6/10/05

Today is the most exciting day in this semester. Whole loads of activities, meetings and work done. Come to think of it, I was able to manage things psychologically even though my to-do list is so long that it might just take a week for one to finish. I can't.... only a few days deadline for everything. Lets see what i've did today.

Morning, 2 hrs tutorial for 311, had fun, and laughed alot with my friends. Their witty comments has always triggered laughters in my heart.

At 10:30am. I have to admit, I went for early lunch when my 205 grp mates are waiting for me to go for meeting. Ahhh it completely slipped off my mind. But the meeting was a fast one, where they just told me to handle the intro part.... cool. My favourite... intro. haa. I guess I've been practicing so much on starting a presentation, I might have problems presenting the middle parts haa. Guess what then.... 205 presentation, ES104 presentation, GV01 presentation, I'm on the intro part. Fun? ha

Then I went to access lab at 11.15am to do my ES104 portfolio minutes and ppt slides for my part of the presentation. Took me about 1.5 hr. Wanted to escape from 311 meeting haa but my conscious bugged me. So i msged them, and my friends are all doing it. So I met them and did some of my part.

That 311 meeting ended with more work needed to be done individually. Then its 206 meeting at 3 plus (lose track of time). Did some number crunching and some funny arrows inclusion in my ppt slides. Must be some funny ideas from this friend haa. Arrows.... and we miss interpreted the arrow idea and came up with a funny design. This so call meeting ended at 4.30pm.

Next, I proceeded to Main library where I met with my fyp group. Somehow I could feel the cohesiveness in this group. The positive attitude from my group members is essential for the survival of this difficult research project, especially when I'm pretty negative most of the time. We sent Chapter 3 part 1 to our tutor. Now awaits his reply.

Finally, a half an hr's break before networking night starts. So, the genius was the MC of the event. Super skills and humour. Attractive pose and manly voice. I believe he mesmorised all the ladies present at the event.

Well, I've spoken to representatives from all the big 4 firms, and true enough, as pointed by the partner in D&T, all the firms are about the same. The difference lies in the culture. Well, i'm pretty attracted by the way the D&T partner speak about his firm. Of course, other firms are impressive as well. But for me, I'm definitely going to aim for PwC. I will strive for my best performance during the internship and prove to them that I am THE candidate for their firm. But if suay suay I couldn't stay on, D&T might just be my second choice. EY third, and KPMG forth. I'm just so disappointed with myself that I only gotten 2 name cards from the people i have spoken to. Its my first time taking part in such event, what can i do? haa. But its a super super good experience.

I should say "PwC!! here i come!!"

Slice of Life

Stop the Bickering

Interaction with other human beings is something none of us can avoid. Not that we would want to, either. Satisfying relationships are essential for our mental well-being.

Presumably, since relationships are such a big part of our lives, we should all want to know how to effectively cultivate them. How can we increase the value of our relationships with people whom we love and care about?

Well, there is no tested and proven method for nurturing rewarding relationships. Everyone is different - they react differently to various stimuli, they value things differently, they see the world in different ways. That's why the often-used "Golden Rule" - which is to treat people as you would like to be treated - doesn't hold much water.

If you treat everyone the same way, or treat them the way that you would like to be treated in a relationship, you're not likely to achieve much depth in your relationships. It's probably a good rule to use when dealing with people whom you don't know very well, but if you want to deepen the relationship with someone, Dr Nate Booth advocates The Diamond Rule, which basically says "Treat others in the unique way that they want to be treated".

You have to first discover what people really want and then you have four choices: You can give it to them in expected and unexpected ways.

You can educate them. Maybe there's just no way you can do what they want and the way they want it. You can negotiate. Or you can change the relationship. If you can't deliver what they want, you may need to make some changes, or maybe decide not to be in the relationship.

It's important to understand that people want emotions. They want feelings. They don't want money and they don't want "stuff". In fact, they don't even want relationships. Rather, people want what the relationship is going to give them, emotionally. What the money is going to give them. Or what the snazzy personal digital assistant is going to give them.

You can find out what people want by observing them and asking questions. Then realise that you're dealing with people's emotions, and you can arrange the relationship so that the person feels he or she is getting what's most important in life and in the relationship.

5/10/05

Suay day, how suay can you be? The ultimate suayness comes when you don't it to come, and it always come at the wrong time. First, when i reached the bus stop to take 179, 3 bus went off before my very eyes, and i could board any of them even though they were empty.... I was too far. Next, the 174 bus i wanted to take had problems with the air con..... in the end, all passengers had to go down and change to another bus.... I gave up, queue for 157 instead.

What now? ES104 written report to touch up, ES104 presentation slides by sat noon, AA206 Slides by tomorrow, GV01 ppt not settled yet (presentation on friday), AB311 research not done. .... at least AA205 is on hold. Hmm FYP meeting tomorrow too. What a fruitful week. Something heartening is that my FYP mate gave me a positive feedback regarding our progress. That is at least something i'm glad.

This semester is a test for me. Last sem, I broke down under such situation. This sem, I will take it as a challenge. Handling more than 1 thing at a time. Heaven has made this arrangement for me to group with new people and to learn how to work with the brainiest people out there. Now that I know that being a team player in such teams are not as easy as I think. We're always looking for the best, no compromise.

1hr 15 mins before sleeping time. Lets see if I can finish what I need to do. When time is up, sorry no more work. I don't sacrifice sleep and time for work. I'll bite if i don't sleep enough.

4/10/05

I'm really tired now, and i still have research to do for 206. Its not that i slacked the whole day. I just came back from teaching band. My teacher told me alot of his plan for the future in band teaching. He ask me to try to work as an auditor first and see if i like it. If not, I could always go to him and continue band teaching under his company. Good plans i can see. Just that..... I really wanna try auditing first.

Come to think of it, i'm a bit too friendly to my students. Well, I treat them as friends, but my teacher told me that the discipline would be the priority for any band. Having good discipline is a half won battle. I can't turn myself into a big bad wolf in a day. Haa don't know how.

After i've read the PA requirements, I find that there is alot to do as well. 2000 words report to do at the end.... that is.... oh my god. very very bad.

Did anyone tell you that doing work after teaching band is a bad bad thing? hmm its really bad. But what to do? Gotta do it somehow.

Ahhhhh my supervisor for PA is not the one i wan. Anyway doesn't matter bah...... sigh.