Monday, August 28, 2006

28/08/06

Work stress for me? I shouldn't say that. After I heard what happened to my friend, or perhaps that pikachu, haa I'm really quite blessed in work. I really feel sad for pika, zapping even after working hours. Not enough electricity haaa.

Haa, anytime you need to complain, just call bah. No matter what time, I'll trrrrrry my best to listen heee. (You call at 4am, I'll just blur blur haa). But this pika does know how to give me a perk when i was sleepy haaa with the voice. So long nv hear your so high pitch voice haaa. Still the same, cheerful and optimistic haa.

I hope your bad time will pass soon. Treat it as a test of your endurance bah. jia you and don't give up ah.

As for me, I'm still trying to get my audit skills up which is still so lousy now. Sianz haa, but i vouch good hee. Fast flipping with client's documents
muahahha
I am the vouching king!
I am the lead schedule king!
I am the photocopy king!
I am the check amendments king!
I am the filing king!
Everything everything except audit!!

Tada.... stay tune for next update

Monday, August 21, 2006

22/8/06

I made a very very nice nice nice senior from the IT department. I think i can call him my new made friend. My horror this morning was to find that I can't start my computer cuz it suffered the blue screen syndrome. The hard disk died. I brought down my laptop and stood at the counter there. One 30-40yr old guy walked up to me and helped me. He is very very very nice kind. He is not those super english kind. He talk to people using his normal way, in chinese. I could feel the sincerity in his voice when he helps people. Perhaps i could say he is a big those hokkien kind. I don't sense the corporate mask in him. Comfortable friend.

He solved my computer problem by changing a new harddisks. Even though my mp3 files are illegal, he copied into the new harddisks and fixed all my problems. I really like to thank him and promised him coffee. So happy!!

Although i'm in office doing alot of admin stuffs, i really like to do admin. Answer calls, take msg, do stupid things haaa. I was sitting in for a administrator and the other administrator chat with me during the day as well. Again, no corporate mask from her. She is really a simple, and truthful lady. Some people might look down on her cuz she is just an administrator who joined the firm for 3 months but, i treat her like a real friend as well. No corporate behavior stress.

On another note, I do still feel down inside while feeling so high during the day. Seeing that idiot guy's name in maple just make me wanna smash him up. Too bad... no player killing in that game. Haaaa, Or maybe i should deal with taht guy. I should deal with the girl who gave me hell. I'm starting to be the guru of getting ditched until a point where i have this thought in my mind: " just ditch me lah, i know it will happen sooner or later, i'm used to it." lol. What a good way to look at the bright side of life.

Girls nowadays ah.... donno how to be truthful and faithful. But on the other hand, they might say:"isn't it right to pursue what is really good for them? To find the true love?" Well, its so hard to decide which point should have priority over the other, I'll just leave those thoughts aside. No point debating inside.

As Wang Li Hon song goes .... I renamed it .

stay tuned for another.... crap from me. Oh ya, only 2 friends reading... I think. Or maybe none. haa I don't mind whatever. I'm just so..... anything now. haa

Thursday, August 17, 2006

17/08/06

Today is the eve of the 3 years agreement. After tomorrow, the agreement will lapse. But I think I got over and decide on my next course just 2.5 years after that faithful day. But, heaven really want to play tricks on me. I thought I saw her on the bus. I was sitted at the 2nd last row and she just walk in the center to the last row in the crowded bus. At first, I looked her from a far, I thought I was certain it was her. I was ready to say hello when me and her eyes met but to realise, I was mistaken.

The similarity was close to 90%. Hair, eyes, face shape, everything. But I think my gut instinct managed to stop me from saying hi. I am glad i made that restriction.

The tricks played on me were somehow and might be too much for me to handle. Other than the work, its now the other thing. Maybe its another downturn of the cycle again. Will try to pick up soon.

On another note, I think I'm really disappointing my interviewer. Although I don't get to see her often or perhaps at all, I still feel that I didn't live up to my words during the interview. "I really want to learn things, I want to learn, give me the chance to learn". Now I'm really so down and low morale about so many tough things to grasp in Audit.... I really donno if I can survive. Can a slacker/faker/lousy performer hide in the group of the team? Will I stand myself and be the team's obstacle to audit? I can't stand it. One day if I can't keep up with my abilities, I'll release myself from being a burden and just do something that really suits my slacking attitude.

Either I change my attitude, or I escape.... For now, I'll just see how far I can hide from being blamed. I really don't like this feeling. Being a burden for a team. I don't wan.... I don't.... I dread....

Sunday, August 13, 2006

13/8/06

Today is my first concert with Mus Art Wind Orchestra. It was a fantastic experience. A rather big difference from Westwinds. I could really feel how the music moves, and it moves my heart. Playing with them was also stressful because i only had 2 rehearsals with them before performing. Its one of the very few chances that i am demanded to deliver the best. As a guest playing, I am not suppose to make stupid mistakes and i didn't make any big ones, except for one whole bar of mispitches, and 1 note in a wrong key eeks.... disgraced.

Well, at least the concert covered another weekend. Lets see how next weeekend is covered.

Friday, August 11, 2006

11/08/06

Once in a while, I really feel like typing. Currently, 2 ppl knows my blog add. I don't know why do I give. Do I still wan ppl to know how I'm doing, to know how i'm feeling, to know how i'm suffering.

I've been in contact with pop music too much. Listening to those lyrics and melody really makes me feel more and more painful inside. With recent encounters, with recent turbulence, days seems even harder to pass.

I remembered I had a hard time sleeping one night, don't know if its because of the 2 teh tariks or because of..... I woke up at 3am to play maple to kill time. You know, after I've started work, I suddenly feel that I have lost my confidence and dignity once again. Being the lowest lifeform in the company really makes me feel like i'm a junk, so live like one. What I miss is those days where people look at me as someone dependable, respectable, and fun to be with. The only place where i can feel that is.... in Maplestory now. That explains why I like to be inside.

In maple, I'm a high level Hermit now, wacking monsters like no body's business. I am also in a guild where people respect me, ask me things and even trust their char accounts with me too. I like people who believe in me, trust me and really respect me. Even though I have not met those ppl before, they really treat me very well. Some are paying me to train their characters as well. Where can I find such happiness outside? Where?

After so long of being dorment in my blog, I suddenly wan to vomit out everything. I'm starting to rethink about the aim in my life again. I have lost direction. I don't seem to be able to excel in work. I don't have a love life to depend on as well. My family is sometimes up and down (i'm tired of unstableness). The only way that i feel motivated again is by watching Naruto.

Naruto teaches me alot of things. Being determined, chiong for everything. Don't easily say give up. Fight for what you believe, and believe in what you do. Being direct and truthful. The spirit of Ninja. I admire the friends Naruto has, all truthful and fun. Even when Sasuke betrayed Naruto, Naruto did not give up. He went all out to get his buddy back. I like this brotherhood feeling. It makes me tear when I see some of the scenes inside. Who says anime can't teach you anything?

I'm really so sad about the recent encounters. Who understands? I've been so dejected, rejected, and ejected into space. Some ppl says that its just that you haven't meet your one in life. But I say its useless to hope for one or even try to meet one. No use. Somehow, I've come to know how my friend felt back then. Its really a pain. I thought i've left my heart behind. Somehow, and I hate it, it came back again. I'm now trying to get rid of it again. Do my work, play my music, Sing my heart.

I want to sing. I've been singing with the radio, and I felt more than in the past. I could express more than usual, the pronounciation, the melody flow, phrasing, and tone. Not that i'm boosting but... I really love to sing when i'm feeling sad. It will be one day soon when I can sing and tear.

I know I'm showing alot of soft side of me. The two friends who have my blog add will be able to see this. but I think they won't anyhow spread things. I don't need anyone to spread or console me. Further consoling will only add on to my pain when I'm trying to forget everything.

Live on, and thrive in the sad world with no purpose. I'll try to find mine... soon. Hope.

Friday, August 04, 2006

4/8/06

Chasing Your Blues Away

We all get the blues from time to time. But for some people, a prolonged and acute case of the blues can harden into depression. And depression can sometimes rob you of your desire for life. But you're not going to wait around for that to happen, are you?

If you've been feeling low lately, here are some simple ways you can chase the blues away before they take a hold on you.

The simplest way to get that sunshine back into your overcast world is, literally, to get some sun! Go outside! If you're feeling miserable, it's very likely that you've been keeping yourself cooped up in your house. You're under the illusion that something is sapping your energy and that resting at home is probably the best thing. Well, most of the time, it isn't!

So get out there! Spend some time in the sun out in the open. Lack of sunshine triggers the release of melatonin, a hormone that produces a feeling of lethargy and tiredness. This is what helps you sleep, but when you're feeling sad, it can make you even more miserable. And while you're out there soaking in the warmth, get some adrenalin going - brisk walking, jogging or hiking can help clear your mind and get your situation into perspective.

Next, get involved. We're often miserable because we're only thinking about ourselves, dwelling on our own problems, refusing to make things better, like a petulant child who has broken something. But if you look past your problems, and get involved in something else, you'll be able to see your solutions more clearly. Break out of your depression cycle, and try something new, make new friends, adopt new goals. Shift yourself to something altogether more pleasant and soothing.

And watch what you eat! The things you consume have a direct impact on your mood. Alcohol and caffeine for example can give you that initial high or burst of energy, but the comedown often takes you to lower and more despondent places. Find out more about healthy feelgood foods and take them more often!

And improve your appearance!This may sound superficial, but I'm not talking about aspiring to be someone else; your body can become the best body it can be. You can become a better version of yourself. It simply takes exercise and more care when it comes to your grooming and attire. And when you look great, you're ready to go out and make new friends, talk to more people, joke more, laugh more, and gain new insights.

STORIES - The Woodcutter

Once upon a time, there was a very strong woodcutter. He asked for a job from a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.

The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees. The Boss was very much impressed and said, "Congratulations, go on that way!"

Very motivated by the words of the boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring down 15 trees.

The third day he tried even harder, but he only could bring down 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing down less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought to himself. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your! axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees.

The moral of the story:

Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe. In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp? There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work. But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like our personal life, taking time to care for others, taking time to read etc.

We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow. If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness. So start from today, think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add more value to it.

Confronting a Major Illness
Written by Eugene Loh

We cannot avoid illness. Even the healthiest and strongest among us cannot keep themselves from catching a cold once in a while. And while many illnesses can be easily cured, there are some major ones which may be much more of a struggle.

If you have recently been diagnosed with a major illness, the first thing to remember is that this is not the end of the road - many people with major illnesses live productive lives. Some live even more meaningful and enriching lives than healthy people because they realize the value of their time left. They make every minute count, because the next one could be their last.

But this is not just true of the very ill - I mean, if you think about it, we're all dying. Every breath we take, we have less and less time to make our lives count. All of us really should be giving more thought to our numbered days and what we can do to make them the best we can.

Most healthy people though do not understand just how precious their remaining time is. Some even fritter their days away on idle pursuits or hollow goals, thinking that they have all the time to question the "meaning of life" or the "futility of life" instead of simply living it. In many instances, it is indeed true that the dying are the most truly alive.

Also, shift your emphasis onto people - your loved ones, your doctors, your care-givers. You do not have to go through this alone. Communicate with them and let them help you achieve your goals. Make developing relationships your number one priority. Through you, your friends and loved ones will also come to realize how valuable time is.

Remember not to rush. Many people with major illnesses make the mistake of thinking that their time is so limited that they have to take on everything at once. This not only dilutes any potential rewarding experience, it increases anxiety and can lead to further stress on your health. Haste is the plague of the modern world. Go at your own pace and try to fully savour every experience.

The future is unknowable; the only certainty is that we all die. It may be a virus, it may be a natural disaster, it may be a bomb, it may be a car. That is not for us to say. All we can do is make the most of what we have now. And that's the best thing anyone can do, regardless of illness or good health.

Stress Relief at Work

Everyone acknowledges the existence and inevitability of stress at the workplace, but how many of us really understand the extent of damage it's wreaking?

Even as we speak, millions around the world are on the verge of a breakdown due to work-related stress. And it's not just the workers themselves who take a beating. Some estimates put the loss of GDP due to stress in some developed nations at about 10%! Employees falling sick, employees fearful of going to work, employees not putting in their best effort, all these cripple productivity.

Managers have the duty to monitor stress levels in the workforce, identify the factors that cause stress, and take firm measures to reduce it. The top factors that increase stress at work include: poor working conditions (e.g. long hours, travel, noises, smells, work overload and work underload), a lack of a clear role in the company (e.g. ill-defined expectations, conflicting priorities and responsibility for others), and poor relationships at work (e.g. low levels of trust and lack of support).

In order to reduce and prevent stress at work:

1. Employees should have genuine control over their work and be allowed an appropriate degree of self-management of workload.

2. Roles, responsibilities and expectations should be fully defined.

3. Employees should have a role in planning and decision making.

4. The physical workplace environment should be of a high standard, including natural light where possible, good ventilation, and good health and safety practices.

5. Employees should be actively discouraged from working excessively long hours.

Although there are many ways of relieving stress outside the office, only a few techniques are suitable for use in the workplace. One method that can be used in a work environment is aromatherapy. Many essential oils are recognised for their stress-relieving effects, and can help aid concentration and focus, and improve productivity and mood. Candles will most certainly be frowned upon by your Fire Safety Officer, but there are plenty of electric oil diffusers available that don't require any burning.

Try oils like lavender, rosemary and orange, all of them known to reduce anxiety, depression and fatigue, and aid clarity, balance, relaxation and rejuvenation.

How else can you enhance your workplace to increase worker well-being and productivity?

Getting Rid of False Ideas

Is low self-esteem ruining your life?

How we regard ourselves is crucial to our happiness and success. If you have a poor self-image, and regularly say negative things to yourself, your sub-conscious mind will start to believe in them. This can lead to a distorted view of reality, and very often, you can invite problems simply by believing in them.

Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? When we form negative perceptions of ourselves (or others, for that matter), we communicate these perceptions to ourselves through various cues or signals. These can be words, or actions, like sighing, walking with a hunch, or a weak handshake. You will sub-consciously respond to these cues by adjusting your behaviour to match them and the result is that the original perception translates into reality. Other people will also adjust their behaviour or attitude towards you according to the cues you send them. For example, if you're always sighing, you may convey the impression that you're pessimistic, passive, and that you have many problems. Consequently, people may avoid you or you may be passed over for a promotion because you appear incompetent.

Check your talk! Do you often say things like "I can't", "I'm not that good", "I'm scared", and so on? Do you frequently put yourself down in front of others? If you have a low opinion of yourself, you'll attract friends and lovers who echo your ideas, take advantage of you, belittle you and hurt you.

Remember, the subconscious mind will act on an inaccurate concept as if it were true. If you've accepted an idea that you can't lose weight, stop smoking, make money, succeed, can't paint or anything else, then your subconscious will make sure that the belief gets justified. It'll attract situations that will verify your beliefs.

The good news is that these false concepts can be changed. It takes persistence and consistency, but by using affirmations, you can change the incorrect facts. The first step is to recognize what erroneous ideas you're acting on in the present. Where are they holding you back? Without identifying the problem, you can't move to the solution.

Examine the thoughts that come into your mind when you're about to succeed at whatever goal you have. If they're negative thoughts about you or your goal, those are the incorrect assumptions you've been acting on. Then create a positive statement that counters the negative one. This is your affirmation that you use whenever you think of your goal.

Intelligent Optimism

In today's context, optimism can seem like an impossible goal or a clich?r for some, even a joke. Every day we are bombarded by news of yet another major accident or natural disaster or virus or bomb attack, years of campaigning and research have not eliminated starvation, and even in developed countries, the rising cost of living is causing many to feel like they're living in a pressure cooker.

Life certainly isn't easy for most of us, and because of this, maintaining an optimistic outlook can be tough as well. You may well look at an optimistic person and think "well, he must be living in a bubble!"

But optimism doesn't have to be a lofty ideal with its head lost in the clouds. It can acknowledge the harshness of the real world while helping you to be joyful in spite of this reality. This is what some people call "intelligent optimism". This is positivity that doesn't simply say "Today will be a perfect day!" but rather "Today will not be perfect but that's ok, I can still make it the best I can!"

Here are the fundamentals when it comes to developing an attitude of intelligent optimism:

First, focus on what you can control. Don't get caught up with things you can't do anything about. For example, you can often change yourself or your habits but you can't force your spouse to fit into your ideal. You can only lead by example.

Next, stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Life may be a play, but it's still too early to proclaim it a tragedy. In fact, changing your perspective will make you realize that life, as with people, cannot be pigeon-holed at all. It's how you look at it and what you do about it. No one's out to "get you". Most people are too busy dealing with their own problems. Your key task is to do what is best for yourself with the resources you have.

Then, focus on and appreciate more deeply what you already have. Think "I have more than enough" instead of "I need more!". Most of us have vast untapped resources within us that we haven't even begun to make use of. You're listening to this now because you do have the time, you do understand what I'm trying to say, and you know you can do better.

And practise a simple habit of giving positive responses. When people ask you how you are, just saying "Good!" will immediately get your spirits up and gear your brain for upcoming achievements and successes.