Sunday, April 30, 2006

30/4/06

My day hasn't been so packed since a long time. First, I finally completed my revision for 304 and deemed it ineffective for me to study any more of it. Tomorrow is full day for 312, using my own abilities and my OWN NOTEs (with some of my friend's work who volunteered to share with me their OWN NOTEs) to study.

After revision, it was 3pm, and I went out with my mum in search of running shoes. Thanks to the government's progress package, I have enough to buy a pair for my mum as well!! My.... erm.... first big gift and her first expensive running shoes. (expensive in our eyes. Perhaps you guys don't feel that its expensive..... snobs. I'm referring to those who are born rich. Bleah!! I choose to work to that status rather than be borned with it. Yes, I'm jealous again.) I got my first NIKE, so JUST DO IT!! My mum's a NIKE too. Yeah!!

My mum kept wanting to eat restaurant to compensate for the shoe but.... I insisted.... food court lah. Haaa and I was glad, cuz i get to taste the legendary 炒年糕. Kept wondering what that was before today haaa. Korean food!! Well, its..... not bad lah, just maybe not really suit me haa.

Oh ya, i got myself something to torture myself as well. A wrist/ankle weight. I got this wild idea of putting it on whenever i have the chance, including going shopping, and going for work. Ok, in a concealed manner of course. Don't want people to think that i'm crazy. The word crazy is overstatement. I'm only a bit crazy haa... So, I'll put it on my hand at home, and on my legs when going out.... how fun. Its just a bit to light for my liking. Haaa.

Anyone know which shop sells sand bag? I mean those punching bags. Seems to have extinct these days.

Anyway, I had fun. But time to study for 312 again. Cuz exam in 2 days time.

Oh. My teacher is looking for someone to type a business proposal for his business idea. ANyone interested can call me. I told him that if he can wait, I'll do it for him after exams... but seems like he wants it asap... any takers for a quick buck?

(SOmehow, I got a feeling that I'm not going to see someone when work starts....)

Saturday, April 29, 2006

29/4/06

I woke up today, with another business idea in mind. It was from my dreams. Not going to say what it is cuz its bound to back fire. Its a dumb idea and it involves combining two functions into one. haaa. I was acting as a customer in that business idea in my dreams. And I feel quite dumb actually haa. So perhaps that business idea won't work, unless..... nah, that might be in a few decades later when science is more advance.

I'm starting to lose my stamina for studying. I woke up in the morning feeling so feverish that I don't feel like doing anything. I sat in front of my table, feeling so.... gotten tear apart. A dreadful feeling. Is it time to study in groups? ahhhhh.

I'm lucky to have friends to cheer me on. I'm lucky to have friends to support me too. I'm just so lucky. I'm not alone.. *sob sob* (so touching.... I'm serious!!)

I've got all the animated friends to help me too. Pikachu, Doraemon, Naruto, Dragonball. So many!! I'm fortunate.

(I'm not crazy lah!)

Friday, April 28, 2006

28/4/06

What are the signs of stress?

Staring at open spaces with lots of thoughts flying through mind but don't remember what they are exactly.

Stuck at an action for a long time and wonder why cannot move. (e.g. brain says "get that spoon from the kitchen. Walk walk walk, reach the place.... system halt...halt...halt....)

Eat a bit and stomach feels bloated.

Hands weak. Shaking while holding items of moderate weight.

Body says:" go play games".... mind says:" Diam diam"

A preference for sour things (is it just me? I'm not pregnant hor)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't wait for work to start. I am really sick of trying to fight with people when i know i don't stand a chance. But I can't stop myself from wanting to fight... what an irony. I'm getting really tired. sigh.

When work starts, my attitude will be.... just perform enough to be a moderate performer. Just do whats required and nothing more. How abt promotion? I don't care. Higher position, more work, less life, less hair, shorter life span. Will be looking to weekend band when work starts.

First resolution when work starts.... get my Japanese language going. 2 books sitting there collecting dust.

Second resolution..... practice more guitar pieces for self shiokness

Third resolution..... Time for korean sad songs on piano (electric keyboard to replace it).

Forth resolution..... Scream the hell out of my lungs in KTV sessions.

Fifth resolution..... start to compose pieces that are up to professional level (1 piece a month?)

Sixth resolution..... Start to earn enough for my first home (HDB) with 1 punching sand bag hang somewhere, 1 entertainment room (KTV, movie, PS3, EUphonium.. not flute!), an area for peace, greenery, and quietness.

More to come....

What is wealth?
Wealth is a state of mind where you do not have to worry for money. Earn enough, live poor. That is the key. Countries need savings for growth. Personally, savings is needed for safety, a pre-requisite for self actualization.

What keeps people living on?
Hope. It is a state of mind that let someone have something to look forward everyday. Be it a hope to give, a hope to receive.

--------------------------------------------------------
Few years ago, I came up with a home collection and home delivery laundry idea. I can't believe I really see it starting up. Someone came by the door to give advertisements. Hmm... i don't know if this business started after i develop my idea of before. Haa perhaps I think too highly of myself again.

---------------------------------------------------------
And you bloody people out there who have all the pass year resources you need for exams!! You better be repent! You got the bloody face to use notes and information not prepared by your ownself for exam. Consider a disgrace on your own ability. You depended on other people. You get top class help from pass year people. ARE YOU BLOODY USING YOUR OWN ABILITIES TO FACE THE EXAMS?? ARE YOU USING YOUR OWN ABILITIES TO PROVE THAT YOU DESERVE THE CERT YOU DESERVE. You bloody hell.

Yes, I'm jealous, because there hasn't been an equal playing ground since the start of the university life. You guys group together, get outside specialist help, get all the help you can find. Exams are like that, projects are also like that. You ask yourself if you are having a clear consciencious getting that bloody A grade you have. If any of you sees this. I am challenging you. Prepare your own notes, prepare your own information, using your own skills, using your own abilities, face the exam using your own ability. Bloody idiots.

Throughout these 3 years, I've been depending on my own ability, for all projects, exams and class preparation. I know I can be considered stupid and dumb to not find outside source for help. But this is a challenge for myself. At the end of the day, I celebrate my own achievements. Even if I just get a pass the bloody uni with no honours. Its my own achievements. ALL THOSE GOONS GOONS OUT THERE.... IF YOU ONLY LIVE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S ACHIEVEMENTS.... YOU BLOODY HELL JUST GO JUMP DOWN 70 story from that BUILDING AND SLEEP UNDER CITY HALL.

NUFF SAID!! REPENT!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

27/4/06

Storms over. The recovery seems so rapidly that its just abnormal. Weird (just changed this word. Someone said wierd is a wrong spelling, eeks). Or the seemingly speedy recovery spells an underlying sugar coating situation. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm a little behind schedule for my 304. Somehow, I was quite energetic and happy while reading the stuffs. I guess its because that its my favourite module this semester.

I couldn't jog because my shoe broke down.... time for a new pair. I need a high durable one. Those normal ones just can't fit me. I torture my shoes really nicely. Muhahaa.

I bet most of my friends are happily studying too. They are a bunch of clever people.

This is a battle of my life. Study more not = good results. Don't study confirm = bad results.... sigh. Sad fact.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

26/4/06

Ok I take back my words. The paper isn't going to be easy at all. In fact, it was damn shitty difficult. So much difference as compared to past year papers. Its one of the most enjoyable paper because there is no stress. Even if i don't do well, who cares?? I'm just treating it like a fun event. I'm crazy!! Who in the world takes exam and treat it as a play game thingy. I know I won't flung this paper. Best estimate.... B minus to C. Haaa. THere were just too many things i don't know how to answer it correctly. I'm just copying from textbooks. The calculations are just done based on gut feelings. I don't even have any confidence to say "yes this question i confirm calculate correctly". 10 secs before going into an exam hall, I even consulted a friend about one of the calculation methods. And guess what.... it came out!! Although the method isn't much proven but it seems logical. And I hope my 10 secs absorption is correct.... haaa.

If i'm going to use this attitude for my core exams, thats the end of me man. Oh ya. 312 exams seems to be another one of these type exams. Going to be the "what-was-I-writing" paper. Ya, I was dazing today during some of the questions. THis shows that my brain is reduce its processing speed. And my eyes played tricks again. There was this question that says "do at most 1 question". There were 3 questions under it. I didn't see..... and I did all. Crazy.

So many things to learn from today's experience. Eyes open big big + need to read more facts + i need to play more games to train up my reaction speed. Ho ho ho.

Yes, the war started again. Can I go slam their doors and tell them to raise their voices behind the doors, not with the doors opened? And, to switch the tv and living rooms light off, and perhaps close the main door too. How I wish I can do it without repercussions. I'm just so pathetic, sitting in front of the computer, feeling the increase in my heart beat.

Ok, I just did all. Switched off the tv, close the main door, close the living room window. Shut my door. Peace? Perhaps.... Just hope that someone won't open my door and come shouting at me saying "so, WHY YOUR ATTITUDE LIKE THAT?!!"

Yes, I'm a Defiant child. Sue me.

NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER TALK TO ME ABOUT THE MATTERS TYPED ABOVE. ITS FOR MY MYSELF. AS A REMEMBERENCE. DAMN IT.!

There are a few things that my mind proceeded to do, but physically, I'm still sitting in front of my desk. Heres a list of things.

1) Shout at the top of my lungs under my pillow.
2) Shout at the top of my lungs outside my kitchen window, upwards, to the neighbours upstairs who make damn bloody hell so much noisy with their chairs and walking. Not to mention dropping things, and the ping ping pong pong sound.
3) Punching and kicking a sandbag using all the energy I have. And I'm expecting to break the sand bag.
4) Doing 100 pushups to "kill" myself. (a painless end)

Did anyone told you I don't have a very nice temper? Inherited from my mum. So, don't ever play with Lions, cuz I do not have a "Safety-proven" sticker on me.

While those things went through my mind, I was on "South-East Asia, A Long Road Ahead", Chapter 6. Lots of information on FDIs. Thats one good information for all my friends, after hearing all my burst. I really want a sandbag for my new house in the future. Is it expensive? I need consulting services.

---------------------------------------------------------
With all the events happening, I have deviced a great way to release the urge to shout at your loudest voice. By using my method, you can save yourself from....
1) Having a police to knock at your door to ask you what happened
2) Having your neighbour to come over and scold you "siao"
3) Having a chance to lose your voice
4) Having to create a uproar in the silent night
5) Having a need to use a pillow which might result in suffocation if not used according to instructions

So many benefits, why not patent my method. Cool.

My method: Just disconnect your voice box and preventing it from vibrating. To do this, you need to practice to open your throat to a level that will not cause your voice box to vibrate even at high air speed. Try saying "Ho" and producing warm air from the mouth at the same time. When you are comfortable with the feeling. Take a deep breathe, while engaging in the embrouchure of saying "Ho", push all your air out with all your diaphram and lungs strength. There you go, simple and easy. Doing it does not stop you from getting an increase in heart pump rate though. Thats a deficiency in my method. Have fun.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

25/4/06

Equipped with 2 calculators, a pencil boxes with 5 black pens, 2 mechanical pencils, 2 erasers, 2 rulers.... ready for a battle? The ultimate, kiasu, kiasee, dumbo is here!! Fight with honour! Bag packed with notes and notes and notes. Just go into the exam hall and fire off my anger at the paper. DIE!!!!!! muahhaaaa

I'm crazy. Anyone feel pins and needles in the right rear brain section? I guess memory bank damage. Who am I?? (I'm acting). Ok lah, I'll be back tomorrow to complain about the stupid paper. See what happens.

I might just fish for answers in the textbook tomorrow. OPEN BOOK!! sigh. And I must remind myself its a 2.5hr paper, not 3 HOURS!!. 2.5, 2.5, 2.5, 2.5, 2.5.....


Through out these mugging days, I've gotten myself another skill. Guitar!! I can't believe it, haa I'm 60% completing my first piece on guitar. Hidamari no Uta!! Although its not for public's ears, its enough for my enjoyment. I'm starting to love it haa. Guitar is hard!!! argh.

Monday, April 24, 2006

24/4/06

Foul mood. No work today. Nuff said. Need to walk.
-----------------------------------------------------
Back. What i experienced today could be what others would never experience in their life time. Its interesting and sad anyway. Haa.

As for 312. I can gladly declare that I have put in an amount of effort where no one, and I stress NO ONE in ntu would have put in. I am confident on my effort as a never dying worker. (Perhaps there are people out there who put their lives in too, well i don't know) Whether this would give me a good results would depend on fate now. Lady luck usually don't smile at me. Cuz I sulk. Its born like that! I can't change. 312.... case close. No more. Till the day of battle.

Tomorrow is GE day... before war starts on Wed. A war with all the business students.
----------------------------------------------------

My teacher called.... an offer to me to work for him. Music teaching... same starting pay as being auditor.... and perhaps more..... A new company though... a new concept though. A chance for me to help him manage his music business too....I love to help.... but.... some risks involved.... I still want to try audit first. If audit really drives me into grave, I'll have an alternative route. Something which I will definitely enjoy, and something which I have confidence in.... to build a good band up... I just need someone to teach me how..... perhaps. My second dream... to conduct a band in a full concert.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

23/4/06

The signs of war, the calm before the storm. Why am I at home facing these things? I'm sick and tired. 15 years of such shit (since i become aware of things). Want to fight, just FIGHT lah!. What the F*CK. When communication becomes ineffective... i really don't know what more they can do. One side, can only use shouting as communication. The other side, so stuborn, more and more stuborn as age comes. For me.... "kids shouldn't bother about adults". Everytime such shit happens, I bet my anger level don't lose to them. I just keep quiet. When I was young, I just hit behind my door and weep (what a wimp!). Now, I'm just more aggressive. I just feel like wacking things. My heart and mind is crippled already. Break it further and you'll know what happens. I'm the product of both of your doings.

Where is the element of understanding and giving in?? Where is communication? Where is common sense?

Guys, Fight or Flight situation (its scientifically proven). Girls, verbal skills on the loose (proven as well... verbal skills + brain thinking would be better than lack of brain). I choose to get out of this situation. When war starts. I'll disappear from home. Thats it. How about my studies? F*ck care. Anyway its ending soon.

To my blog readers: Don't talk to me about the above matters. It doesn't help. So leave me alone.

Back to my books. Hope I don't tear them apart.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

22/4/06

My mind is tearing apart. From 1pm to 3pm, I just stared at the damn international trade article and.... read one word, skip 5 words. Read one sentence, skip 3 lines. And wasted the afternoon just like that. I hate it when it happens. I'm just so affected by home situations.

Its the cold war again. As usual, I'm not one of the parties involved. But I.... once again, can't understand why people can't talk nicely about things... a big sigh. I hate people screaming. Luckily, one of the parties involved have high endurance which is gradually decreasing as age comes.

So I, plug in my earphone into the comp and on some pop music, and tried to continue studying. I can't. I just got so boiling inside. I think I'm more fuming than the parties involved. Inside me... "oh war again ah? I close door for you all so that you can talk louder?" , "don't make me eat dinner on the dining table when war is taking place. I want to eat in my room". I didn't say those things out. I was taught to.... "keep quiet and mind your own business". It seems that I'm studying infront of my study desk but... I'm "observing" the surrounding with my sensors. Can't read anything..... so affected.

Just when my head was about to burst. Then, a savior came. Gossips, jokes. Well this friend was complaining to me about something but i got so interested in the topic haa.

Now, only my dog accompanies me. sian. Time to tear myself apart with lots of exercises. Then, my mind can break free from being so tight. argh!

Oh yes, I just saw the word nerd on someone's blog. And the characteristic associated with nerd is "no life". Well, that is CORRECt! you have a real life example here!! (me me me me!..... so proud?? SIAO). *Sounds so dumb....*

打电话而不说话,是情趣吗?
逛街而不买东西,是低级吗?
付出而没回报,是白痴吗?
直接而不宛转,是无礼吗?

Friday, April 21, 2006

21/4/06

I'm behind schedule slightly now. But nvm, I can't be bothered so much to worry. Cuz I'm doing selective focusing in the end. Who cares about that stupid rubber topic. Laalaa. I'm a crisis expert now!! (boosting again.... sigh... never learns his lesson)

My blog is going to get boring as the next few weeks will be all about exams!! And mugging.. and mugging.... and mug... and m...... *piak*, drop dead. (CHoi!)

I getting back my jogging pace!! I feel like there's more power in my feet now so i can force myself to chiong. But today's short rain pose a great challenge to me. I had to battle with the weather while running. The sky started pouring halfway my run. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open. Sometimes jogging with both eyes closed. I could have stopped and went back home immediately but... that rain ain't gonna stop me. Its a challenge for myself. And I succeeded.... but I'm a bit bloated on the head now. *ouch*

For those who are chionging for exam and feels like dying, don't give up. Every difficulty you have is a challenge you have to go through. Just like how I chiong through the rain. After everything, sun will rise. Everything will go back to normal. For this last lap, just put in everything. As long as you put in your full effort, you would have a clear consciencious (wrong spelling again).

I talk too much again. Just Do It (NIKE!!)

Talking about nike. I'm going to buy my first nike shoes after i get my first month pay. Saying goodbye to New balance. Anyway 1 of my 2 pairs of new balance got stolen.... so sad. Now i only have one to survive with. NIKE!! I wanna get a feel of it. YEAH!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

20/4/06

Less than 1 week to start of nightmare. I shall more the nightmare for the nightmare. Anyway, today is the last seminar for my Uni life. Its really a cool feeling. No more lessons!! No more chance to traumatise the tutors.... ops.

Lessons really ended too early. So my buddy and I went to walk JP. My last time to walk there? Hmm, don't know. Its a nice shopping mall. I love walking around haa, especially shopping malls. No wonder I want to focus on the retailing sector when I do my audit haa. Although its not a high prospect sector for audit work, but I don't care, as long as I like it. Auditing bank is so............... *sleep*

At times, I do have an urge to sms people but I contained that urge and didn't do it. Maybe the thoughts can fly to the receipient through electro-cosmic waves from the brains... hmm just a wierd thought. haaa. Anyone sneezed?

Today's thought

When you walk into a shop, and you see something you like. No matter how much you love it, you still doesn't own it if you don't make that effort to pick it up and pay it at the counter. Sometimes, when you are too slow, that item gets picked up by another person and that could be the last one there.

However, before you buy it, have you thought about whether you need that item or not? Did you buy it on impulse? Was it just a temporary feeling towards that item? Did you buy that item because that item makes you happy? Did you buy that item because it can help you in your work and makes your life easier? Or, did you buy it because everyone has it??

Is there a need to have a known reason before you buy that item? If you really love that item on first sight, do you need to consider how much that item can benefit you before you buy it?

If you know that the item doesn't benefit you much now, would you still buy it? How would you know that the benefit doesn't come much later? You might start to love that item later?

Is it important to love that item before you buy it, or to love that item after you buy it? Are there any difference?

Do you love the item you buy or buy the item you love?

If the item seems to have lost its value, or became broken, would you discard it and buy a new one? Or if you realise you didn't like it as much as the first time you saw it, would you discard it immediately?

If the item has no problem, but another item that you perceived (this word is important because alot of times, its only perception) to have better functions, better quality, and better appeal to you, would you discard the old item?

I don't have answers to the questions above because different people answers them differently, and there is nothing wrong to all the answers people give because it is how people behaves. I also can't say which type of answers are better. But by answering those questions, you will know more about yourself. And by putting yourself into those situations above, you will know about how you look at relationships. I came up with this myself haaa, so its not professional qualified. Don't sue me if things aren't accurate. Cheers!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now is 9.25pm. I can't help it but to come and to curse and swear about some of the articles in 312. DAMN FISH ASS SON OF THE SUBMARINE, CAN'T ACADEMICS WRITE ARTICLES IN SIMPLE ENGLISH???? TURN AND TURN JUST TO SAY ONE STUPID POINT. AND WHY GIVE SO MANY ARTICLES FOR JUST 3 PUNY LECTURES?!!!!?? DAMN. I'm a korea economic development expert now.... which I don't think will come out for exam.... why am I studying it???? FISHING DIRT!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

19/4/06

Today's revision hightens my fear for 312 exam. The first few lectures are just killer + the exam questions requires much research..... so how are we going to answer them during exam? How about everyone got a laptop and internet connection in exam hall. Since its open book, why not?? (Am I coming up with wierd ideas again? Maybe if I become education minister one day, i can suggest that.... ops dream)
ITS TIME TO GET POLITICAL!!

Oh, I'm started to get crazy with tongue twisters. How about this? 怪人说人怪,见怪不怪,不怪说怪,真奇怪! Ok its a lousy one haa.

I still have 1 more piece half done. I think I started that piece like half a year ago and didn't have time to continue. Its a fanfare... a lousy one. I think I going to treat it as a failed try haa. I need to get a new style for my music cuz everything starting to sound the same. This is my 11th compositions already and I think my brain keeps turning around this kind of hokkien sound.... eeks. Don't want!! Don't force me to compose a piece with classical style. Symmetrical phrasing, cadence ending for phrases, simple and straight forward rhythmns... sonata forms? How about Baroque? Ritonallo form? Can't remember my GV01 module haa. My idol is Beethovan!! A mix of calmness and agitation.

Tomorrow got school!! Another self declared holiday for myself. My last chance to bully that tutor haaa. See what i can do tomorrow!! haa. I didn't plan anything but I'll try to be a menace tomorrow. Bwahahahaa.

I haven't been touching my PS2 for 2 days and I'm starting to miss it already. However, I've been touching my guitar everyday for 1 week already but I can't play anything decent haa. My Hidamari no Uta sounds like Kalamari dio ChaoDa (Squid gets burnt).

My first paper is next week, exactly. Can't be bothered. I'm only worried for my core..... so worried. I'm really worried, not those "oh I'm worried" (but i know I'll do well kind). I think there are people out there who are like that. Freaks, they are bastards haa. Don't like those people. BLEAH!!!! (oh no!! the pikachu diesease!!)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

18/4/06

I think everyone is going to do well for 306!! Jia lad, the lecturers have given so big clues and taught so much today. I have no more comparative advantage liao. Sob sob. I don't think anyone understand that marks are moderated according to the distribution curve of marks acquired by students. Raw marks are adjusted according to the mean and variance.... so..... it might take 90 marks for one to get A. And.... thats horror to me. Why am I bothered? Sigh, I should just forget it and just relax and enjoy the paper. I don't have to fight with people for bank jobs anyway cuz I LOVE AUDIT!! (I'm the only one who says that I think)

I believe we shouldn't waste talents. Audit = second class jobs as compared to bank jobs? Well, I do believe that super people should go banks and leave those audit jobs to people like me!! I shall rock the audit world.... not in the -ve way (hope you don't see me in newspaper in years to come). Or maybe not? 3 years and I'm sick of it? I don't know. I find audit exciting (who agrees with me?).

Someone will soon get sick of reading my blog haaa.

Oh yes, my intuition worked today. I knew my friend would be on that bus, so I ran for the bus. At least the journey wasn't dry.... for 15 mins. Then it was another dry journey back. But I really enjoy listening to radio, looking at clouds, seeing the trees moving back, and falling into sleep after a while without pushing myself to read something during the journey. I would call it a "free journey". No pressure to read.

A short holiday for myself today. Self award lah. Why? Buay song? Beat me lah! muahhaa. I'm crazy, ignore me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
I'm back at 8.30pm. I just can't stop myself from composing. I've completed the new piece called Emptiness. It attempts to portray a sense of losing one's orientation in life. Here is the interpretation.

Opening: A slight feeling of frustration inside, but yet a sense of losing one's direction. Turning around in dark space without knowing where the way out is.

1st Theme: If you hear the percussion clearly, you can a Clock-like sound going "tick, tick, tick." This is to portray the time element in this piece. People live in this world with limited time. When one gets lost, when one doesn't know where to proceeds, time still moves. Some people spins round in circles, never proceed forward. Without aims and without targets, life is just meaningless. Yet, time doesn't give chances to those without aims.

2nd Theme (when another instrument comes in as melody): Time still "ticks", no matter what aims you have for life, everyone is just taking different paths. Pick yourself up and proceed on. Even if you are aiming for a simple life, its still an aim, nothing wrong with that.

3rd Theme (reiterating notes): when you are lost, sometimes its good to wait and ponder. But if you take too long, life gets wasted...

Closing: At the end of the day, when time is up, we all go to the same place. No matter what life you experience, be it powerful, wealthy, poor, sad, at the end, our lives end and what goes on is the "ticking" of the time. Thats why you hear the "tick" at the end.

Hope you enjoyed it.... Once again, time waits for no man. Do what you think its right. There are no perfect routes.... life goes on, until the end of time.... but time never ends.... (I'm confused)

Monday, April 17, 2006

17/4/06

my GE is done for me, thats enough. I threw away another 6 chapters. Wierd feeling but I'm going to leave it as it is like that. Seeing the stupid past year exam papers just give me so much complacency that might kill me, I know. But I don't want to put in so much for that GE. I've learnt enough knowledge about that module to satisfy my thirst. Its pure interest and nothing else.

Someone once asked me:"what do you not know how to do?". Now I answer. There are tonnes that I don't know how. There are areas untouched, unexplored. I couldn't answer at that point in time because those untouched area are unknown to me so I couldn't say it out. Today, I've tried something, and I confirmed + guarantee, I couldn't dance (i can hop, perhaps). Muahahaa. And, I couldn't tell jokes when I want to. I couldn't make myself take up a phone to call someone when I want to. I have long forgotten how to do that. Too long. (pathetic eh?)

Oh ya, Heaven prevented me from jogging for the 4th consecutive day. I changed!! I was ready to open the door and.... *splash thunder ssssssssssssss* So, in the exercising attire, i thought "damned". So, I turned my room into an exercising area. I tore myself apart. *Piak* How I wish I have a sand bag at home. Wack it out haaa. For the fun of it. Although I'm no big size, I will show that I'm no push over.... in all areas!! (don't you hate this kind of self movitating idiot?)

And for once, I'm going to say I really don't like hokkien music... argh. Not my type. My mum sings it, my dad adores it (its his job), I just couldn't stand it.

I really don't know what to type now.... sian. Well today's slice of life tells us to walk more, so WALK more!! haa

And, The second slice of life is for all those who are not alone. Cherish. :)

I guess today's posting is really long, and I don't intend to stop here. Seeing one of my friend's blog.... its just so true,

人身有如水滴,从天而降。落在山上,沿着小溪,从山顶一路流着。面对着分岔路,选择只有一个。一旦决定了,就不能回头。人身的过程就是这样,时时刻刻面对着选择。你是否有想过,如果走的是另一条路会是怎样的?可以回头吗?如果你可以在下一个分岔路走向那条你没走的那一条路,你会走吗?就算前途坎坷,你也会想走那条路吗?其实,当小溪流向大海的时候,所有水滴也都会再见面。大海,就是生命的结束,也就是当人们去天国的时候。可是,有些人认为那是另一个开始。在大海等待太阳的照射,给予另一个生命,再次飞向天空,然后从天降下,从新开始另一次的路程。从山上的小溪到广阔的大海。

你会回头望一望没有走过的路吗?

Slice of Life

Walkabout

What's one of the simplest and quickest ways to improve your overall wellness?

Walking!

Primitive tribespeople went on regular walkabouts, when individuals headed off alone into the bush as a rite of passage. In the wilderness, their minds, bodies and spirits were tested and cleansed. Some even met their spiritual guides, or so the legends say.

These days though, walking has been reduced to an inconvenience. It's considered a milestone for toddlers, something that all infants naturally progress to, but grown-ups generally wish to do as little of it as possible. We'd much rather get around in cars, taxis, buses and bikes.

But walking is immensely beneficial for our physical and mental well-being. For years, this single act has been linked to improving cardiovascular health. The reason is because, generally, walking is a safe movement that isn't likely to cause injury. New studies have shown that walking is also a terrific way to improve your mood. The next time you are feeling a little blue, you could just walk it off - literally.

A recent study paired individuals into groups, one of which spent 30 minutes on a treadmill and the other that participated in 30 minutes of rest. Each group's progress was monitored throughout the treatment with a conclusion that both groups reported having less negative feelings at the end of the study, along with less stress and tension. The difference, however, was found when the group that spent 30 minutes walking also noted an overall improvement in well-being.

While the study further proves the theory that walking is good for mental health, as well as physical, it also lends credence to the theory that people who walk feel better overall. It also proves that an individual does not have to be outside in order to enjoy the benefits of walking. This simple exercise can be achieved with a treadmill or by simply walking in place while listening to music or watching TV.

Taking long walks also allows your mind to relax; the body goes into a spontaneous, comfortable rhythm, giving your thoughts a relaxed and unhurried climate in which to organize themselves. I've often come up with solutions and ideas while on a leisurely stroll.

So work a walking routine into your schedule. You'll start feeling the benefits in no time!

Slice of Life

Stop Fighting!

You probably know a couple or two who seem to be always fighting. Maybe your own relationship is riddled with tiffs and quarrels. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

For some, fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Unfortunately, fighting can easily become a habit, and when it does, a couple finds itself stuck. Instead of communicating effectively and addressing issues, they fall into patterns of accusation and defense. Tenderness and intimacy cannot flourish in such an environment.

So if anger and fighting seem to be the fuel that keeps your relationship going, how can you end the war?

First, you have to stop blaming. While we're pointing fingers, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what's really going on. We ignore the good and highlight the bad. So, instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, focus on what the person has done for you, the ways they have been kind.

You have to realize the terrible toll fighting is taking on your relationship. What it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Do you truly want this? Haven't you and your partner suffered enough? Why not choose happiness?

In choosing to be happy, very often you have to let go of the desire to be right. Expand your view and your heart. Would you want to be right but miserable?

The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build a healthy sense of self worth. Treat yourself well. Be good to your partner. Make life beautiful together. Hey you're a couple, remember? It can't be that hard! Don't let anger make you lose sight of that.

As we gather the courage to let go of anger, not only do we find new ways of being fulfilled with our partner, our overall health improves. Many new people and experiences will enter your lives. You attract what you focus on. Let it be love.

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Mouse Trap

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?"

The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage and help one another.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

16/4/06

Rainy days. Cool weather. Sleep inducing.

Yesterday, when I saw the exam paper for my GE, I nearly fell off my chair. Its so...... Everyone is going to get high marks!! How to get good grades like that? Moderation until siao. I think if those super people see it, they will laugh until their heads drop and spin on the ground. Nvm, I'll fight for it. Don't think accountants cannot do business stuffs hmph!! haaa. I'm crazy again

I think I'm trying to turn myself into a twig again. Exercise too much = skinny branch. I have been jogging for 3 consecutive days liao. All at 3pm. haa Weather was super good. I think I'm preparing myself for the last paper celebration at a buffet. I can't wait for that day to come!!! Going out with kakees!! haa. And go Singing too!!!

Its 6.10pm now, so cold and hungry.... parents threw me at home!! Well, I'm lazy to go out haaa. Actually I wasted 2 hrs shouting at home (shouting is a more realistic word for singing). Sinful sinful. Now full of the sinful feeling. And when my friend asked me a question about school work, I gave the wrong answer!! Supposed to be my favourite topic but.... so sad with myself.... sob sob haa. Reminds me that I need to revise liao. Must thank that friend also!!

2 more days of revision for my GE. But I bet I'll be able to finish it tomorrow cuz... "this one won't come out one, throw aside", " that one won't come out, throw aside". I have thrown about 5 chapters out of the window already. Fun loh. Can I do it for my core also? Hmm, maybe for 312 haaa.

Oh ya, I saw Mentor Minister on TV. I just feel so inspired when I hear him talk. I think he can be my idol liao. Cool.

As for exam, I just saw all the exam papers. Scan through. And I totally think that there is no point studying for 304. When I look at the paper, I have this please-give-up idea. THe paper is signalling to me to give up!! And when I recall that there are people who already have been in audit job for a couple of years made me feel even worst. I don't have the opportunity to work as an auditor to give me that experience to help me in the exam. I just find this such an uneven playing ground. Damn it. At least 306 and 312 looks friendlier, cuz less wordy. THE WORLD IS UNFAIR!! Some people just sail through life while I have to fight like siao. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

(I'm seeing a wierd trend. When people don't believe what I say, what I say would turn out true. Wierd)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

15/4/06

Final exams before graduations... Although I know its so important, so so so important, I'm really slip short with revision. Today is first day so I forgive myself for such weak endurance. Most of the time I'll tell myself:" This won't come out one" and then threw that lecture notes somewhere else. Then "That won't come out also" and threw that notes aside also. I'm starting to be selective to what I read. This is the first time I'm like that..... Being more focus??? (Giving myself excuses again.)

When days turn dark, what will you feel? I wanna sleep.... Sian. Anyway I jogged again, fearing that I might get fat because I eat too much due to stress. I need to look at least acceptable when i go back to work muahhaa. Acceptable is enough. Won't be able to look good anyway.

"I need divine power!!" quoting another friend, I also need!! How about "Let our powers combined!!" I haven't try revising with friends before. But... I'm lazy to go out haa. "I need the question paper!!", another friend said. Eiya, ask my dog do exam for me. She might be cleverer, always watching tv one, so her knowledge must be more than me.

Should I consider myself as at a disadvantage when there are more time for revision? Eiya thinking too much again. Lousy means lousy lah, cannot have excuse. Again, study more doesn't seem that I'll do better. Might as well don't study right? Haaa. Yup, another way of giving myself excuse to slack...

Whats up man, Stupid bug (myself).!! Bored!

I even thought of sleeping at 9.30pm..... I'm gonna miss out on alot of things right? Wasting life sleeping.... I think i go watch dragonball... Studying at night does funny things to me.... cannot sleep.

(Why would I enjoy life only in my dreams? Another shopping dream haa. I guess thats to compensate for my boring reality.)

Friday, April 14, 2006

14/4/06

Things are starting to get boring. I usually post at night but.... I just don't foresee any interesting things happening today so I thought a morning post will do. This is when the revision time starts. A yawning feeling. Just when I'm so used to having fun, things have to be so dull again. Its like throwing thousand grams of coloured dust into the air, but eventually everything will rest to the floor. Thats the kind of picture.

I'm sorry to pikachu that I asked my name to be removed from the blog. Feels restricted right? I don't mean to, but its better so that people can't trace who you are (contents from my postings seem to tally with yours). You prefer to be unknown from my blog too right? Anyway, don't need to abandon your blog. Perhaps I shouldn't put that restriction... (I usually change myself to suit the environment, not the other way round).

I, too, don't usually get to say what i want to say in my blog. I tend to use wierd ways (which I am the only one who understands) to express something that other people shouldn't know that clearly. Its a good thing that people visits me because then i know there are people who cares and I'm not alone. However, that means i have to restrict myself from some of the things that I want to write.

This blog has been a great support for myself as a form of venting anger and sharing happy stuffs. I'll rather have people visiting me while I restrict my writing than to block everyone and write what i want. I guess that is my aim. Different people have different aims, so I don't want to generalise.

Ok, now for my own stuffs. I finally completed the RPG game yesterday. After so long, finally. It was the Digital Devil Saga (DDS) on PS2. I can finally start on a new one but.... so many to choose from. I need to choose one with good good graphics. Have been graphically deprived from that DDS because that graphics doesn't suit PS2 standards. eeks. Perhaps Radiata Stories will do.

What are RPG games to me? Its like reading story books that can, at the same time, fulfill my spatial skill needs. Well, only some fulfills. Its also a way for me to know more adventerous and beautiful stories that doesn't exist in the real world. Stories with a beginning and ending. Stories that let me experience brotherhood, betrayal, love, care, loyalty, sadness, happiness, and a bunch of other things. To me, completing one RPG game is like finishing a long movie that takes months to finish. Tasting it bit by bit. Just like tasting Lychee in the ancient Chinese Dynasties.

(Just side track, I wanted to start organizing my stuffs to study but.... I can't seems to get my engine working. Can't find the key to my engine. Bleah! So sian!! I need to sleep somemore... its now 9.30am, and there is a BUG flying around me, pestering me while i'm typing...... IRRITATING, argh. Bug = not my friend)

Today's topic. How many types of people are there?
Thinker, Evaluator, Organiser/Planner, Worker, Presenter, Creator, Initiator, Follower, Destroyer, Crisis Champion, Entertainer, Environmentalist, Connector.... the list is not exhaustive.

Thinker- the person thinks about new concepts for how things should be. Innovative and creative.

Evaluator- giving suggestions to already existing concepts created by the thinker. Without them, things are just how it is with no suggestions for improvements.

Organiser/planner- as name speaks, organise and plan things so that creative ideas can be made into concrete items (tangible or intangible)

Worker- putting organized plans into actions. includes leaders and participants.

Presenters- communicating ideas across. important when people doesn't have time to go through the concepts themselves

Creator- People who produce prototypes from the thinker's ideas. These people don't fear failures, a big difference from workers

Initiator- The fire that starts the flame burning. This person doesnt' fear rejection

Follower- Don't like to think, just see people do and then do what they see.

Destroyer- A pain in the ass. But without them, further improvements to things will not happen. It is only through critisms that all things can improve. And without them destroying things, there is no need for new things to be created to replace them.

Crisis Champion- They survive in tough times. And ONLY in tough times. nuff said

Entertainer- live for the aim of making people happy. When other people are happy, the entertainer will feel happy too.

Environmentalist- "don't throw rubbish", "don't like the insects", "save paper", nuff said too

Connector- mediator for things, a center for information, a person that gets ideas from one and pass to another, especially where those 2 persons doesn't want to talk to each other. 和事老。

Thats all folks (I need booster to push myself to study!! I feel so nuah!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!)

-----------------------------------------------------------
6.30pm. Ah I really didn't study today, i swear. Nothing to be proud of but, I managed to pushed down the guilt inside me and continued to do what I wanted to do. Ok here is what I did. I completed a new composition called Doraekachu. This piece is dedicated to Pikachu. CUz this pikachu donno whether its a doraemon or pikachu, so I composed this piece that has both elements in. I don't know how Pikachu main theme sounded like but I created a fat one!!

Opening: A creepy and intense opening with a mysterious theme. Its like you are looking at an unknown egg. Fearful of what might be inside that egg, you take one step by one step, going near it. The percussion sections brings out the anxiety as you walk nearer and nearer.

1st Motive: Suddenly, the creature popped out. A doraemon theme can be heard. The creature jumped out from inside. You thought that creature might do something nasty, but.... it turned out to be a little pikachu, clumsy and fat. (sorry, didn't include any effects for the electricity)

2nd Motive: related to the first, just showing that the creature was super cute with the light flute melody.

Ending: What a big fat joke!!

Ok, I know its not funny, but i tried. Heee. This piece is what you hear now, under my blog music.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

13/4/06

Pikachu use too much electricity power until blur blur liao. But, don't need to apologize so much lah. Still put my big name in your blog somemore.... can remove? I prefer to be anonymous there. Thankz ah. Anyway i knew that time will make the missing thing pop out, so I was cool yesterday. Well, consider it case close ah. No worries. Repent for your blurness!! Bleah! (did i learn those from you? ha)

Today last lesson for 304. I really like the tutor lah. Gave alot of advice on working life. One of the most hardworking prof i've ever seen. And the module requires so much technical knowledge on his part, so i think he did an excellent job. At least better than the previous internal controls module....ops, is that obvious? Somehow sad that it has ended because I consider 304 classes to be fun with lots of goodies to win haaa.

After 304 class, my project group went for a small celebration lunch (consider bah). As usual, lots of laughing, suanning, and gossiping. Yah... and the most memorable one is that me and the other guy took a sissy photo, with me being a sissy.... omg. Well, for the fun of it bah.. Laugh until faint.

These few days are just a little different from normal days. Well, can't explain much why, but it is different. I just have to reconcile those differences and treat them as a new norm instead of considering them special. As you have guessed it, its my sensitivity at work again. Yes, confirm, its just a normal thing!! Haa, sometimes I just hate myself. But, I thank for the differences, makes life more interesting. :) A new norm will be set soon before exam starts. Yuppie.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

12/4/06

Its early in the morning but i want to write down what I saw in my dreams. I had a chance to sit in one of the best presentations I've ever seen. Argh anyway i think its a 312 topic presentation. Can't remember the details. The presenters are my old SAF bandmates. The whole thing was so exciting and entertaining, talking about history of things and events and stories. Its really one thing to learn there.

Who says presentations has to be only the speaker talks? Coordinations can be made for multiple people speaking at the same time.

Who says presentation slides cannot put music and voice recordings? A dialogue can be made between the slides and the presenter. Isn't that cool?

Its a kind of presentation that makes you wanna give a standing ovation to it, and cheer as loudly as possible. Such creativity, where to find? However, would this be acceptable in the work place? It also requires one big head guy to choreograph the whole performance. Its like a big PLAY rather than an academic presentation. Its creativity, passion, and team spirit. OMG. We need a dream team to put that together, and that team in my dream is really a dream team. ops.

I'm coming back to post more at night.... (so free ah dumb qiang?)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

嘿,刚回来。今天听了很多广播,所以感触很多。 尤其是音乐日记。
当岁月已久了,情意便淡时,死守,是对的吗?
故事里的人跟男友在一起四年了。她说:“爱得好累”和“感受不到他的爱”
但是故事没有结尾。不知道结局如何。

可是,这一个故事又在一次掀起了“情意”和“责任”的对垒。
感情刚开始时是“度蜜月”时期。时间一久了,责任会开始变成那段感情的支撑。
有些人认为感情一但没有了情意就不算感情了,再拖下去也没有意义。
也有些人认为责任代替情意是一个自然现象,只要了解它就可以跑完这段爱情路。

情,好比一个股票市场,起起落落。
要在这一个领域好好表现就要有心理准备接受风险。
不管你投资的是蓝筹股还是冷门股,只要你对它有信心,就不要放弃。
阿杜说的:“坚持到底”。

可是决定权还是在投资者。
只要你已经看不到那支股未来的表现,那就是时候放掉它。
但是,用股票来作比喻可能太牵强了。事实上还是有很多东西是需要想的。
是你对它的要求太高?还是回报不够多?

回报可能指的是他给你的情意。到了这里又有多一个东西想了。
一段感情是应该只有付出而不需看回报呢?
那一切的一切都是当事人的决定。

你又会是哪一种人呢?

快乐的定义是什么呢?外国主办了一个以这个题目为主的比赛。裁判选了以下的定义。
1)快乐是当一个艺术家完成了作品在吹口哨的时候。
2)快乐是当一个小孩在海边完成一个沙城堡的时候。
3)快乐是当一个母亲做完家事要煮饭给小孩的时候。
4)“我忘了"

以上的快乐都没有和钱和权力撤上关系。而快乐是从每天的小事得来的。

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

11/4/06

Quizzes. This first thing in the morning, the professor suan me loh. "All ready to score right?". My reply was "........" coupled with an energetic shake on the head with a twisted look in the face, full of the oh-man-whats-up attitude. Don't give me stress leh... I just want to be an average guy.... or maybe not? Haaa a wannabe!!

I know I'll pass haaa, thats all. And I'm happy enough. Don't care more liao. Any marks higher than the passing mark is a profit for me. Anyway, I'm happy with my performance this sem even though I fell down somewhere through, ah.... I bet being satisfied with myself is more important than how people see me. I know there will be people who thinks "eiyo like that marks also happy". Well, who cares. Haa. I think I leave aside all comparisons. I should challenge only myself and no one else. I should challenge my past results and aim for higher future results according to past information. Thats the Japanese way of looking at things right? Kei-something-tsu thingy..... can't remember.

ok, I am giving myself these 2 days off for me to complete an RPG game which I left it to rot after last holiday. It has been hanging at the same spot loh!! argh. I can't wait to finish it and start on another one. (gaming starts to sound like a job for me liao) . Ya, I play game like working. Schedule, chionging, planning time table, blar blar. And scold myself when I lose in the game. BaKa!!

I need an anti electricity coat. hahaha.

Monday, April 10, 2006

10/4/06

10% for the 306 quiz tomorrow. 5% for the 304 quiz. Somehow, what pikachu said is correct. Why not just take MC? Then final exam can weigh more. No matter how much I know the basics, I still don't think I'll know the answers for mcq. Its about analysing the question on the spot tomorrow. Knowing myself quite well, I will start at one sentence long long and stone there, thinking about so many things that will take so much time. Then starts to panick, then time runs out.

Now is 4.45pm. At this instances, I don't have the drive to try to get more info into my mind. Although I know I'm not totally familiar with the things yet, I just can't stand looking at such complicated stuffs. Just be myself and walk into the hall smiling with whatever I know right? For those things I don't know, just guess right? Yup, MCQ is like that, for me to guess.

And then at the end, perform like shit like that. Ok decided, let me, for once, act like genius, don't wanna study liao. Leave everything to fate. If I can do well, I can do well. If fate doesn't allow, then I admit to fate. Cool. Then i can feel better.

What did I do to make myself feel better? Ktv session at home. Argh, sound system sucky haaa. Anyway, my aim is to irritate all my neighbours. My dog even got pissed and went hiding. Luckily my parents weren't at home too. I shout my way through. Ya.... crazy loh.

I'm going to play more games now until my guilt builds up to a level that will push me to read my notes again. I'm depending my guilt to work then.

Sickening
To
Read
Excessive
School
Stuffs

-------------------------------------1hr later----------------------------

Hi, i'm back. I didn't play games, I lied. I went for a job (I mean jog), which is as good as wasting time but, in a more productive manner. For health sake. When I was cooling down outside my door, I saw a WASP!! I looked at it, it looked at me, I turn my head and walk the other way, fearing that it might sting me (what a wimp). Then when I turn my head to see if its following me, I saw the WASP, flying the opposite direction, up to the other storey and disappeared. Comical sight to me. If i were to develop a dialogue between me and that wasp, it could be Singapore Funniest Home Video. ....... ok, to cold to be a joke haa.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

9/4/06

Morning is the time that is best for studying, for me. When it was about 3pm, just don't feel like doing anything. Went for a job, i mean jog. Need to waste some energy and get some vitamin D for survival. Bored.

I wasted 2.5 hrs playing PS2 game loh. Nothing valuable is achieved then. Gaming time is always wasting time isn't it? After the gaming session, a sense of guilt.

Somehow, studying much doesn't help anyway. I hate mcqs. I'll always get the wrong answer because i think too much. No hope lah.

The day could be so bored if not for some surprise sms haaa. I don't usually receive casual sms cuz everyone looks at me like an only-work-no-chat person. A wierd monster perhaps. I don't mind people looking at me like that cuz I thought I'm one too. The only thing i need for survival is, machines, food, water, clothing, roof, basically all inanimated stuffs. I bet i'll be able to survive in a room with only 4 wall.

I wanted to read more 304 at night. I guess I'm not in the mood.

一段一段的文章,诉说了岁月累积成的故事。
一张一张的图案,描绘了过去脑海中的记忆。
经过了无数事件,遇见的玲玲种种。 这一切都带出了喜怒哀愁。
看着,看着,眼眶也一点一点地灌满了水。
言语无法说明,文字无法写明。
仅此希望悲剧不再重演。 命运做弄人。 一切太像,太像了。

I bet my blog music suits what i type.... cheers

*hate it when emotional mind takes over the practical mind. Too much thoughts again. faint

Saturday, April 08, 2006

8/4/06

I dread eating things now. My tongue got ulcer..... argh. sian. Anyway my sorrowful music is done heee and its a boring one. Just waiting to post up. But I need to wait for my friend to teach me cuz i donno how to. Hope I won't make my blog readers sleep.

I think I spent alot of time doing funny things for revision. Sigh, anyway preparation is done. Tomorrow and monday are days for "eating" words into my brain.

Oh yes band performance in the evening. I just love the band sound cuz its super small band. 2 tubas, 2 euphos, 2 trombones, 1 horn. 4 trumpets, 3 saxophones, 6 flutes...., 7-8 clarinets. Enjoyed it. haaa.

I need to....

Friday, April 07, 2006

7/4/06

School today isn't exciting. Bored--> one word explains all.

Went home and rushed myself to finish something. Nearly died. And when I finished it, it was 6.30pm. I happily thought that the concert is 7.30pm. But, the ticket stated otherwise. Its starting at 7.00pm!!

I turned into superman and changed in lightning speed, fly at the speed of light. reached VCH in 30 mins time...... Its my record. Personal best. My leg was shaking when i sat down in VCH. crazy.

So, its that band. Won't name it but its a Sec school band. I'm surprise that the fundamentals have improved tremendously. No wonder can get Gold with distinction at an international competition. Well, sound has improved, tuning seems to be good. But something is lacking. I couldn't indulge in the sound...

Everything seems to be at the loud dynamic. Even at soft passages, the players are using full strength to play those notes.... I wonder. Anyway its good fundamentals because when the notes need to come out, it will come out. It solve one problem but created another. Everything to me was loud, especially percussion (nothing against them but just can't stand percussionist who aren't sensitive to band sound balance). Oh ya, one particular tenor saxophonist was super loud. I can hear a striking reedy sound loh. Well, throughout a few pieces.

Oh the great thing is the tuning sequence. Wow is my reaction. Tuning is good and sound is powerful. Appropriate for tuning notes. But I thought we shouldn't play the pieces like how you play your tuning notes?

Well, I'm only talking about band sound not eupho sound lah. I think eupho ganna flooded again, as usual. We are the pity souls. No one understands the sorrow of eupho. Always get flooded for nothing.

I shall get myself into the mood of composing yet another sorrowful piece. Perhaps I'll post it up when i finish it. haaa

Thursday, April 06, 2006

6/4/06

Bright day, thanks to my new found PikaChu friend. Electrifying experience. Every word, every phrase just triggers the laughing function. I think the cheerfulness is in the mind. How I wish I am that cheerful as well. Looking at the bright side of things. haa.

I'm going to put myself into study again later. I feel abit wierd for next week's quiz because I haven't been doing my tutorial for so many weeks and its the first sem I'm like that. Because of this, I'm not sure what I know and what I don't know. It all seems so wierd, like a missing puzzle somewhere and I can't find. I read alot definitely but when I see those questions, I think too much. But when answers are revealed, I know I know. But I don't know if I would still know if answers aren't given. How? I'm a bit lost here. Cuz all my grp mates have done the tutorials except me. Easy answer right? Just do the tutorial loh! sigh. I got no motivation haaa.

I need a plan. A plan that i can follow and go on without thoughts. I'm just messed up haa. Or is it the perception of too much time on hand that makes me lost. No more FYP, no more presentations, no more things to worry except for the quiz. More time = Lost?

I don't see myself doing my last 2 306 tutorials too loh. What is going on with me!!!?? Why like that?!?!? And I'm skipping next monday's 312 tutorial!! Whats up? I need to worry right? *Confused and blur* Take one step see one step.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

5/4/06

Someone said I'm bubbly. How true is that? Well, thats a great compliment to me because I thought I always giving the damn-you look. The word bubbly is just a little overstatement haaa. Cuz I don't bounce around. Anyway, thats the first time I'm being described that way. Or perhaps I'm not behaving myself in class. Ops.

My day went just like that.... *blink blink*, oh its night time....

Spent quite a long time reading 306 stuffs and its still such a hair pulling experience. How long did I spent? 7 hrs? Then I stopped cuz I know I had enough of it. I need a jog cuz I'm eating too much. fat...

Its 7pm now and the day is still half bright. Wierd. Anyway after the jog, I was just thinking about a person who managed to do superbly last sem. Whats the formula? Innate ability + perserverence + x-factor?

Doesn't look like the qualities I have. I'm happy to be equipped with the ability to understand and enjoy music. Yes.... time to console myself again. Gardners' theory of Multiple Intelligence..... No one is perfect in all areas. Darn.... And I sux in many areas. Ok, here comes the devilish mind and angelic mind fighting inside me now while I'm typing.

Face the music! haa. I am. And as time slips away, I realise.... I'm walking towards the one of the paths that I predicted that I'll take. I will make myself happy, somehow. :)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

4/4/06

Ok what now, I just showed some stupidity during lecture today again. Nothing new, cuz I always show stupidity. Anyway, I was called by the lecture to answer a question which I have no idea what the answer is cuz I didn't read finish my textbook lah... so I guess loh. 2 guys before me answered D (MCQ). I tried to be different and guessed C. He asked me why I choose C. I said "I guessed (he cannot hear), I guessed!!"

"The next time people who guess and get the answer wrong, I will deduct your marks" was the reply..... fierce sia. There goes my participation marks. -ve points again. Sometimes I just hate it when people expect me to know the answers. I'm no genius (once again). Oei, I really donno the answer, what do you expect me to say? "I don't know, but I will find out?" Not every tutor is as nice as Branson loh.

For me to understand the answer, I will have to flip the book and read it for 2-3 hrs. This is the trait of a worker!!!! Talk about work. I will get my engine working again by playing more games? haa It broke down after my 304 presentation.

NO MORE PRESENTATIONS.... HURRAY!

When I got home, sky poured. Seems like it wants me to stay home and don't go library to return books. Its overdue!! I got fine $1.80 loh. Darn. So, nothing will stop me from returning to books, and I wasted like 1 hr walking around tpy. Sigh, and I don't feel like doing anything after typing this. I guess its the weather. Sleep time.

Slice of Life

Dealing With Adversity

Whenever you're in an uncomfortable or challenging situation, you have only three options:

1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation

Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.

The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? And of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.

Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).

We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.

In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"

By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.

Monday, April 03, 2006

3/4/06

Too many ups and downs for the day. I'm getting sick of the inconsistencies. Inconsistencies = for idiots like me. True, and I admit. Why am I trying so hard? What is there for me to fight for? What can I achieve? What chances do i have to still fight upwards? Climbing is so tough when things are already so predetermined.

First, 304 class. Nice in class activity that catch me off guard. Total defeat back then. This is the medium defeat for me.

Second, 308 class. I really showed my power then cuz today's tutorial is about 307 stuffs. All learn before, thats why.... and the tutor does have cool impression on me. haa I like that guy.

Last, 312 class. Presentation. Super defeat. It was "as average as any average group"(tutor of T01). The higher the expectation, the harder you fall. But this time, she expected more from us.... but she didn't look please. Too many flops done by me too. Never forget to print ppt slides for tutor.... creates bad image.

I don't know why I myself didn't have alot of energy in preparing and coordinating things for this presentation. I knew something is lacking but I just don't have the energy to make things happen, or make changes happen. I couldn't feel the bond and drive within the group. Is it because we are too used to one another (worked for more than 6 presentations already?). Or perhaps I'm just too tired with so many things going on at the same time. I am very very very defeated by the comments she(tutor) gave, but it lets me think through for me to improve for future presentations. Everyone was just too nice to each other. And my big mistake to think that we do not need a meeting for preparation of things to say....

I must confess..... the collective effort by my group isn't there.... we deserve it. We deserved to be average. We are average. Average..... Its a sad case... and the sky concurs with me by weeping for me... again.

KJ: Sorry, didn't perform to your expectations haaa. Anyway, I still wanna say I'm still impressed with you and your sis's performance even though you are crazily busy with things.

Let me DUI for one day. DUI = Don't U Irritate me. DUI DUI DUI DUI DUI. Last presentation that ends with a flop. DUI DUI DUI. Another reason for some people to laugh at my failure.... There are bound to be people smiling at my fate. Are you one of them? haaa

(I'll be ok after sleep. So, no need to talk to me about this anymore. I'll just leave this in my memory closet, lock and put into archieve. Not going to retrieve it anymore.)

Slice of Life

Giving and Receiving (Part 2)

In the last programme, we talked about the dynamics of giving and receiving, and how an imbalance can hurt your emotional health. We tried out a few ways of increasing your receptivity if you're not receiving enough. But what if you're not giving enough?

First of all, tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them - the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, and are awed by. How often do you let your friends and family know how much you appreciate them?

Extend this gift of appreciation to colleagues and associates. Even people you had a brief encounter with; if they impressed you or was good to you or did a favour for you, tell them how much it meant. Be generous with your appreciation. It costs you nothing but it makes them feel great, and you'll feel wonderful too.

When you go to someone else's home, bring them something - some fruit, a drink, a flower, even a note.

Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.

Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that brings people together.

Give away stuff you don't use any more - dusty books clogging up your cupboards and shelves, CDs you never listen to anymore, bags, clothes, even appliances. These things have much more value in them yet in other hands.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

2/4/06

"当初你所唱的歌是你心里的话吗?不用担心,我还是会当做是我多心,因为我知道别人的存在。事实抹不掉。"

Tomorrow presentation and I'm still.... not very prepared. Another impromtu session? Test my ability again? Not much to test cuz no ability haa. But then... once after tomorrow, no more presentations a project. Tomorrow is my last one in Uni life. I shall.... try to charm my tutor tomorrow. *blink blink*

Today got band performance. Play loud loud, not used to it liao. No more diaphram strength. Its time for me to break away from band and go into study stance. Music, leave me alone.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

1/4/06

Yup, I went for a concert in the midst of busy days. Its not a wasted trip. I see great potential in the band, and I'm serious (no joke). Since its complimentary ticket hee, I believe I need to comment on stuffs? Haa. The first piece came with a Bang and I went "WOW". Amazing sound and expression for the Hanover Overture. Most expression and tone colour are well presented. It came with a Bang, seriously. Dear Mr vice president of the band, don't worry so much lah, the sound is great and the tempo is comfortable for 95% of the time. Things are looking good. And the pieces are well received. I think some pieces are even better than what we (another band) played.

Tomorrow got performance again. Sometimes a bit sick cuz so many things to do and still have to perform. Presentation on monday loh. then have to maintain my performance in 304 class also. No time to read, where got quality performance? Think i super man? Think I super genius? Think I super can-read-people's-mind? I got so many things i wanna do but no time? Can I make time? Can I produce time? Can someone invent a device that can create more time? Go into a place and time slows down? Distortion of the dimension? We need science to do more things for us. A device to sleep less, a device to add more time, a device to eat less, a device to make people feel happy just like that, a device that can react to our emotions, a device that can chat with us and understand us, a device..... are we becoming more dependent on machines? I can't live a day without my comp.

Tomorrow need to read tx bk, need to memorise speech, need to read more information about managing crisis, need this, need that.... I hope i'll be happy. I can't make myself happy, only circumstances can. I couldn't do what I preach... "if you think that you are happy, sad things can be happy too".

多情的人是罪人吗? 如果是,那他就有两倍的苦。一,自己带来的苦。二,别人给的苦。有谁会了解这个道理?
容易恨的人是罪人吗?如果是,那他也有两倍的苦。一,因为恨人而恨自己的苦。 二,因为恨人而被人恨的苦。有谁会了解这个道理?
容易怀疑人的人是罪人吗?如果是,那他的苦最大。一,因为怀疑人而苦了自己。二,因为怀疑人而被人怀疑。三,因为怀疑而产生幻想。苦不苦?有谁会了解这个道理?