31/8/05

Classes today. Morning class, I seemed to have overly took part in class discussion. The teacher was impressed of course but..... a bit aggressive. Luckily the tutor is one who accepts that he overlook some of the things. Not defensive. That, I have to learn. I tend to be quite defensive regarding things.

I got so tired in the afternoon. I think i know the reason. I felt the acute pain. Sigh, must be that thing again. I wanted to voice my opinions during my evening class but i just couldn't raise any energy and motivation to do it.

Suddenly i have so many tasks on hand to complete. I got so excited about it and bathed so quickly and sat in front of the comp after that. Did 2 things for my project ha and posted online for my other groupmates to see.

Tomorrow going to write that 600 essay again. sian loh. What to do...

Slice of Life

Taking Personal Responsibility

When things go awry, some of us are inclined to blame other people. When we can't find a job, it's because employers are too choosy or biased. When our child's misdemeanour becomes uncontrollable, it's because our spouse refuses to discipline him.

Undeniably, there are times when the result is directly caused by someone else but blaming others is very disempowering. When we attribute cause to someone else, we give up our control over the situation. Because we take no responsibility, we don't try to make things better, or to learn from the event. And because our role in the matter is conveniently swept under the carpet, we continue to enter into situations that bring us frustration and a sense of helplessness.

However, when you decide to take personal responsibility for your whole life, a remarkable series of reactions takes place.

Acceptance is the first, crucial reaction. You accept that where you are right now is all your doing. No longer will you blame anyone else for your current situation or list excuses such as bad luck or lack of opportunity. Blame and excuses are heavy baggage and they do not bring success.

In accepting full responsibility for your current situation, you also accept that where you'll be in a year or five years is also down to you. You chose the paths that led you to where you are right now. Therefore, you can choose better paths to lead you to a greater destination.

Acceptance leads to the realization that you have the power to change your life for the better. You can be in total control of what you allow your mind to be exposed to. If you listen to people who live life craving for security, you will take on their fears. So be responsible for your own education. I once read that if you don't take responsibility for what happens in your life, you're allowing others to decide your life for you. And they may not always have your best interests at heart.

Taking personal responsibility means you give yourself the power to command. Why should anyone else have that authority? It's your life. Resolve everyday that no matter what happens, you will handle it and overcome it. And you will learn from experience and use it all as stepping stones towards your destiny.

30/8/05

How come i have unusual dreams lately. This time its such a sad one. Something bad happened to my dog and I was trying to save it. Doing all the funny surgical procedures. And when i thought i've saved it, it lost conscious with its eyes opened. Devastated, the day crashed on me when I dreamt about that. It made me think that I should treasure my days with her. Although its just a dog, but she is more than just a dog to me. She likes me!

I accomplished soooo much today. Game and work wise, both equally balanced. My tutor for one of the modules finally posted the stupid tutorial. Worst still.... its one of the longest ever!! I took the short cut and approached the tutorial with the questions in mind before reading the materials needed. Usually I would read things with an open mind before looking at the questions. This limits my thoughts on materials read. nevermind that.

After finishing the tutorial, i went to my games for 3 hours. I completed Growlanser! Few days back, i completed my ROTK10. At night, I've started another game called Xenosaga. I was surprised that its by namco rather than squaresoft. I've always thought only squaresoft could come up with such a captivating storyline. Amazing.

In the late afternoon, I wrote summaries for another module for 3 chapters. Bonds and notes payable, and Employee Share Benefits. Tonnes of journal entries. At least i don't need to squeeze myself during my study week liao.

Somehow i'm thinking whether I'm overlooking some things. My friends have been fighting against time for work while me.... working through things normally. I know i need to learn how to relax my mind for the pressing work but its a bit too relaxed? I'm absorbing too much of the genius's character (one of my group member).

How many projects to worry? hmm 4 where 2 are headed by a genius and a power lady. For the 4 projects, 4 reports and 4 presentations. On top of those, 2 short essay, one long essay (individual work), two class presentations. Busy? I donno leh. Theres tutorials too!! And FYP! hmm maybe it seems alot. I don't know.

slice of life

Quit Smoking

If you're a smoker, there's never been a better time to stop. Already leading the charge are the world's most developed cities like New York, which has banned smoking in pubs successfully. According to researchers, smoking will be virtually extinct in Australia within 25 years and more frowned upon than spitting in the street.

And from next July (2006), smoking will be banned in pubs, clubs and food stalls in Singapore except for designated smoking areas. This as part of a nation-wide move to prevent non-smokers from inhaling secondary smoke indoors. Smokers will be confined to small smoking rooms, which I expect will be not-too-pleasant an experience, even for smokers.

Sure, smoking is a personal choice, and as long as you're not blowing smoke into people's faces all the time, you should be allowed the pleasure of your drag if and when you choose. After all, it's your body, and it's your money.

But in less than a year, smoking in public will become so inconvenient and awkward, that maybe it's time you thought about whether it's really worth it to continue smoking. After all, you know you want to quit; the advantages of quitting are just too sensible. It will be tough though, but if you're seriously considering it, here's how you might be successful.

First of all, the day before you quit, throw away all cigarettes, matches, lighters, and ashtrays. Ask family members and friends not to offer you cigarettes or to smoke in front of you. Your goal is to get through that first important smoke-free day.

To quit successfully, you need to know what triggers the desire to smoke in you. Make a list of your personal smoking triggers, and avoid as many as you can. Replace "triggers" with new activities that you don't associate with smoking. If you're feeling tense, try deep breathing to calm yourself.

Keep yourself busy and be as physically active as you can. When you feel the urge to put something in your mouth, have substitutes ready, like vegetable sticks, apple slices, or sugarless gum.

When you're feeling discouraged, remember this - 8 hours after quitting, the carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal. 24 hours after quitting, your chance of a heart attack decreases. 2 weeks to 3 months after quitting, your circulation improves and your lung function increases up to 30%. And just one year after quitting, the excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's.

29/8/05

Class in the early morning and meeting in the late morning. Went back home and find out that i have nothing to do. Completed all tutorials 2 weeks in advance. Waiting for a tutorial for one of the module. Teacher haven't post it yet. Take soooo long.

Home alone cuz mum went to dinner for the bidding thing.

I'm just so tired after yesterday's run. Couldn't organize my thoughts now. Sleeping soon.

Slice of Life

Steps to Happiness

It's been said that happiness is a journey, not a destination. Many of us make the mistake of denying ourselves joy until something happens - until we get that promotion, until we get our dream house, until we clinch that million-dollar contract.

Happiness can be elusive, but if we follow these simple steps, we may yet attain it sooner and with less strife than we think.

Are you overwhelmed by a sense of dread every time you try something new? Happy people focus on what is possible rather than dwell on the chances for failure. They look at the lighter side and find humour even in sticky situations.

This also applies to inner judgements. Many of us are self-critical when we need to practice a little kindness towards ourselves. Observe your own thoughts - what do you tell yourself about how you are handling things? Maybe you did make a mistake, but you were exhausted.

Do you complete one project only to rush on to the next? Similarly you may meet challenges of a more personal nature, such as having a difficult conversation with a family member, without acknowledging your own effort. It's important to absorb the satisfaction from your achievements.

Some people believe the world owes them - that they are entitled to "the good life" and all its benefits. They become bitter when setbacks occur and tangible rewards stay out of reach.

We need to ask ourselves - what can I offer others? What can I contribute to my family, my community or the world at large that is in line with my skills and abilities? Sarah Bernhardt, a flamboyant French actress in the late 1800s showed uncommon wisdom when she said, "It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich."

Recognizing our life values, determining how we want to achieve them and taking steps to act on them is self-empowering. When you realize that you are doing what is most important to you, your happiness level shoots right up.
No one likes feeling stuck. It is important to know what you really want and then take some action towards it. Even if progress is slow, you will feel better going in the right direction.
No matter how stressed you are, take a break from your routine to admire the sunrise or share coffee with a friend. It is the moments which make us happiest - yet how many of them slip by unnoticed?

28/8/05

Highlight of the day? Jogging. The rest of the day, nothing exciting.

I jogged one round around my neighbourhood, then jogged to toa payoh stadium, jogged 6 rounds inside, then jogged back to my house. Distance? at least 4 km. The furthest i've jogged since a long time ago.

I waited for the tutorial of one of my module and it didn't come. So sick haha waiting for work to do. I'm crazy, i know. Crazy that i want to do work. Well, I typed another section for my FYP. And read about IT governance for companies. Interesting thing about this IT balanced scorecard. Fun haa.

My mind is wondering too much lately. Can't I just have peace inside? Its like the weather, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes confused (rain with sun), sometimes crazy (storm). The ultimate peace = monk's mind? don't tilt the balance inside. Heart and mind, must balance.

27/8/05

"I couldn't take additional weight" is what I told my friend. I just couldn't take more things on top of my school work. I would gladly contribute to the band as a musician. Taking part in the administrative things... I couldn't. I weigh how much i value my time and the drive for recognition and performance, and I found that I have lost what I had in the past. I don't know why i rejected. Its a good chance that I can add more beautiful stuffs into my resume, but I just have bad feelings haha. I was contributing to my previous band few years back but it went burst. Bad memories.

I wanted to msg that friend," I am happy that people voted for me but my passion to serve isn't there. I believe you wouldn't want a person who doesn't have the heart to serve to be inside. I'm also sorry for being so blunt just now." I didn't msg. Someone in the past told me I mustn't be too nice. Always making other people happy would be equals to making myself suffer. I'm still very reserve regarding this idea but sometimes, i just have to use it.

26/8/05

First thing, laughing at myself for losing so much money in an investment simulation game. Bought 4 stocks and only 1 appreciated. Darn haa. I am such a lousy investor. I better don't take risk... anyway, i don't like to take risks.

Today a guest speaker came down to our lecture to give us a little insight about his business's franchising strategy. Something caught my mind when he said that," If you want to be an entrepreneur, do it in a young age. Because, if you fail, you have an excuse of saying that you are inexperience. If you have 20 years of business experience and you start to be entrepreneur later, you won't have an excuse when you fail. The opportunity costs is greater then."

Good one. But i still don't like risks. Being an entrepreneur means alot of things. Ha, don't know if i wanna try.

Lets talk about something else today. Scientist says that the feeling of love is really a chemistry effect in the mind. During early stages of love, chemicals would be produced in the mind to make one feel happy. And it lasts for a few years before it total disappear. So... where is the love? haha. Sad to say, most people depends on this kind of chemistry when going into a relationship. Is it the only thing to look out for? I don't know.

Slice of life

Unlocking the Second Prison (Part 1)

Leaving prison is only the first step in an ex-offender's road to freedom. When the gates are finally opened, most ex-offenders find that the world they knew has changed, they find it difficult to adjust because they have trouble finding employment, and are shunned by friends, even family members. Because ex-offenders are stigmatized as shady and untrustworthy, they often find that they've left their cell only to enter into another one - only this time, the walls are made of ignorance and prejudice.

Family relationships can make or break ex-prisoners' successful return to society. Because they face overwhelming prejudice from society, most ex-offenders spend more time with family and may even receive financial help from them and friends until they find a job. Families, defined broadly to include close friends, provide emotional support. They listen, react, and provide feedback. They offer a chance to unload stress, fears, and anxieties in a safe environment. Family members have responsibilities towards each other and most families continue to demonstrate their loyalty during the darkest of times.

A case in point is John (not his real name), who was certain that he did not want to return to his old ways, even if the journey ahead was not easy. John, who was released from the Kaki Bukit Centre (Prison School) in 2001, said he felt like a reject who would never find the acceptance he desperately craved. Of course, he was looking forward to being released after five years in prison. Yet, he was filled with dread. Would his friends and family welcome him home?

Thankfully, his fears were unfounded. Instead of shunning him, his relatives rallied around him to offer support and advice. They welcomed him at family gatherings and reassured him that he had another chance at a decent life. Looking back at the plight of his fellow ex-inmates, John cannot help but feel how lucky he was. He said: "Some of my friends had nowhere to turn to. Their families did not want to have anything to do with them and it was difficult for them to look to the future."

If your family member is an ex-offender, your love and support are crucial to his or her successful re-entry into society. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and we all need a second chance. The Yellow Ribbon Project engages the community to help ex-offenders re-integrate into society. To find out how it can help you or how you can help, go to www.yellowribbon.org.sg or call 6214 2867.

This edition of "A Slice of Life" is brought to you by The Yellow Ribbon Project - Give ex-offenders and their families a Second Lease of Life.

Gradual and Steady Acceleration

We all suffer from this syndrome, me included. We want something, anything, and we want it now, right this minute. And because you know that it will take time, effort, maybe money to achieve it, you get frustrated, or decide to abandon the idea altogether. You look at the long journey ahead, kilometres and kilometres before your dream house, your ideal figure, the perfect job, and you're deflated before you even start.

But what if we look at this a little differently?

Let's say you want to get in shape. You want to be able to do 100 push-ups but now you can barely manage 10 before your arms start shaking. You think "It's just too hard! I mean, how many people can really do 100 push-ups?"

Well, what if I told you that in 60 days or less, you could be doing 100 really good push-ups? Think it's too hard?

The trick is gradual acceleration. Don't set the bar too high the first time. Don't think about doing 100. Try 10 first if you can, then add one every day. Every one can add just one push-up a day. It's just one. No sweat.
You go on like this, and before you know it, you're hitting 30, 40 push-ups. From then on, try adding 2 a day. Your strength and determination will be growing which allows you to raise the rate of increase to 2 per day. Now this is easier even than it sounds, and you might be tempted to raise the numbers more quickly? ah, impatience strikes again. But even if you feel tempted to raise the rate, be careful and don't overdo it. Your progress might come to nought if you're suddenly broken by disappointment. Keep it easy and steady.
When you think you're ready for it, add 3 push-ups a day and again keep it steady at that rate for some time. In less than two months, you'll be able to do 100 push-ups.

This simple principle can work in almost any situation - add only a little more to the workload every day. That prevents your subconscious from sabotaging you with doubts before you even get going.

This can be used for improving increasing productivity, sleep time, decreasing smoking, drinking, or other areas you are trying to improve.

Think about it. Where can you apply this technique?

25/8/05

Too late now. I won't be typing so much. I thought my GE group wants a meeting now, but seems like no one is here online ha. It'll be better that i go rest.

Anyway, today I attended 2 tutorials and 1 band prac. I completed the weekly 600 word essay, and did a template for another project. Read a chapter from a tx bk on bus too. Productive day? Guess so.

Somehow, I feel that my need for social interaction is so low that its really rock bottom. I simply have my mouth shut most of the time. But when the night comes to a close, and i am not anywhere my bed, i'll be super crazy. I did it to my band friends today, started talking rubbish again. I better go. *yawn*

It'll be one yr anniversary for my blog in 2 months time. happy? haha

24/8/05

Presentation today. I thought it was good at the beginning but it ended with a sucky feeling inside me. This presentation required our group to identify things in a financial statement that may be subjected to manipulation by the management. For this task, I provided all the points needed for the presentation. I identified 5 obvious ones and 2 hidden ones. I thought I had identified all but the tutor defer. He pointed out another 8 hidden items. I was devastated.

1st, I thought I was already a good financial statement analyst because of my experience with it in another course. 2nd, I actually didn't put in total effort because I didn't read the whole annual report, in particular the M&A and the notes to accounts. I was disappointed with myself.

Lets talk about another thing. I joined a free online investment game a few days ago and spent all my virtual money on the shares of 4 companies. only 1 company appreciated in the share price while i lost big time on the other 3. Haha I'll try to sell them as soon as possible.

Slice of Life

Building Self-Confidence

Very often, before other people will start to have faith in you, you have to have confidence in your own abilities. Self-confidence is a very powerful state of mind that other people quickly notice and easily respect. So how can you develop a high-level of self-confidence?

Consider these steps:

First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past is over; you can only change the future. If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.

Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.

Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.

Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life; it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you'll never experience all that life has to offer.

Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you'll find that it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.

Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.
And visualize your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined. What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like? Who will be with you, and where will you be? How will you be feeling? Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success, and supports greater confidence!

23/8/05

I got another wierd dream yesterday. I dreamt that one of my close friend snatch my bag. Took away everything and threatened me not to fight back. He was armed with a short knife. I couldn't bear to see my bag leaving me. I fought. Holding his hand far away with my hand. His knife, so threatening, so dangerous. I could feel my strength being drained away. Unable to hold back his hands, he slashed me from my right chest down to my thigh. The pain went straight to my heart. I could feel it in my sleep. I bled, I cursed. He told me not to follow him, and he walked away.

I was so devastated. All my studying documents was inside the bag. I couldn't prove myself to be an ntu student. I went to one of my teacher, still bleeding, and told her what happened, and asked her for help. In the end, she said that she needed to type a letter for me to tell the officials. Guess what, I was still bleeding when I looked at her typing. Dumb.

That friend, was an unexpected one. Would I be a bastard in the future that one would hate me to the core? This friend is not from ntu and I am suppose to be very good friend with him. This is really worrying. Worry.

Anyway, I went to the hosting company for one of my projects to interview the ordering process manager. Of course, I was not the one doing most of the talking. My leader did, but things didn't seems very organised. Anyway, my leader didn't make full use of our expertise. My ability to organise things was not used. In the end, I thought we portrait a bad image for that manager. Anyway that manager is so young loh. From this experience, I know that theres alot of organization out there, not doing enough to maintain effective operation excellance. Just don't let me be a head of this kind of company, I'll do revamp of the whole company. Just wait.

For me, I believe in emphasizing on the human aspect in any company. They are the ones doing the operations. If they know the expectation, the mission, the direction, then they can put in their effort in the right place to help the company. Everything can be done if employees cooperate. For all things mentioned in an organization excellance, they all linked to employees. However, I will be emphasizing on Workfare, not welfare. As mentioned my our Prime Minister, only those who wants to work and help the company will get rewards. Don't expect others to do more things for you.

Slice of Life

Communication To Avert

ConflictCommunication is essential for a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, to work. Without effective communication and conflict management, two people who have the best intentions for each other may still end up emotionally distant.

There was a story about a couple who was filing a divorce. The man filing the divorce told the lawyer that he just hated the breakfast meal that his wife often prepared for him. In response, the wife said that she only prepared the meal because she thought it was her husband's favourite. Truth was, she hated doing it because it was so difficult to prepare! She endured the inconvenience out of love for her husband. It only came to such an ugly outcome because neither of them took the initiative to speak their minds.

Now why would people prefer to keep their complaints and criticisms to themselves? It's because they do not want to be rejected. Most, people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to be perceived as likeable in the eyes of others. So can you get your message across without hurting their feelings?

You can start by substituting negative statements with positive ones. For example, instead of saying "You don't understand," say "Let me explain." Instead of remarking "You're wrong," say "Allow me to clarify." Instead of stating "You failed to say," just mention "Perhaps this was not stated."

There are certain words that affect a person more negatively in comparison with other words that have the same meaning. Nothing could be more pleasing to the ear than hearing someone else say that you are right. In this case, be prepared to let other people know that you respect their opinions. You may add your comments at the end, but acknowledge them first.

Say:

"You're right, although..." "Great suggestion, however..." "I agree with your opinion, however..." "I would feel the same way if I were you, although..." "I understand your situation, however?" Reassure your counterpart that the decision made will benefit both parties. People need to feel that they have made the right choice.
Communication is a gift. Learn to use it wisely for the health of your relationships.

22/8/05

I've learnt another lesson today. Being a leader requires many traits. From the Apprentice, I learnt that a leader needs to facilitates discussions, make decisive decisions, ask if in doubt, coordinate ideas. From my project group, I learnt that a leader needs to hear opinions of others and be open with suggestions. Other than being clever or genius, one must also be good in organizing and communicating tasks. It is very important that the team members know what the tasks are, what target we are heading into. To brief the team before a major event is to prepare the members and give the members enough knowledge about that event so emergent strategies can arise during the event.

I for one, excel in organization skills, time management, planning, and making complicated situation simple. Then it is for my team mates to provide me with insights and knowledge from their specialised fields before making a decision. However, I don't like to make decisions. I often ask for friends' opinion and follow that through.

I've learnt alot through my encounter with the genius himself. I guess no one is a perfect team player or leader. We all need other people's support in completing tasks, that is why we have team dynamics.

In the evening, I attended a talk about how to write a good cover letter and resume for jobs. Ha, after attending it, i find my current one have much room for improvement. So, I'll use knowledge from my friend and from this seminar to improve on my current resume when using it for future job application. Anyway, for the phase 1 of intership application, I don't really like the idea of fighting with all my friends for spaces. Its just so tough. I'll rather go into the second phase where the internship is determined by chance. I'm not a competitive person, but I got passion to make sure my work is done properly, provided i don't fall sick, which usually happens when i get too stressed up.

Slice of Life

Staying Focused

On Your PathSo you've decided, it's time to do something about your life - you need to be more disciplined, you need to take care of your health, you want to adopt a more positive attitude, you need to save enough money for retirement, you want to be a better partner, a better son, a better mother. You've had enough of being directionless in life and are looking forward to achieving the goals you've set for yourself.

But wait, what's lurking on the sidelines that can derail you from your path? Those well-meaning friends and relatives who, with all good intention, pass along clutter from their house to yours? - "this would look great on you", or "I can't use this but maybe you can".

What about the people around you who seem to dwell on the negative or tell stories about how unfair life is? Friends who invite you to have "just a bite", "just one more cigarette can't hurt!" or encourage you to stay out "just a little longer"?

What about relatives and friends who shy away from your newfound honesty and assertiveness?

They probably don't mean any harm but they may DO you harm if they steer you away from the goals you've set for yourself. So how do you put yourself first and get selfish, so to speak, when others are tempting you to stray?

First of all, be very clear yourself about the goals you're eyeing. If you're unsteady in your commitment, that will show, and make it all the easier for them to lead you astray.

Demonstrate your dedication by living by example. Don't preach. Just like you weren't ready to take on healthy goals at other times in your life, those you love or care about may not be ready now.

Also, plan ahead. Think of how you will say no, prepare alternatives or plan an "escape route". Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

Be honest. Talk about your goals and what they mean to you. And choose who to spend time with. You may choose to spend less time with someone who has unhealthy habits. And more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, support your efforts, or are themselves models of positivity and self-care. As time goes by and your daily practices become more of a habit, you'll be able to focus on your path towards your goals without even thinking about it.

21/8/05

Has it been a productive day? Everyday, it is essential to evaluate whether the activities in the day are aligned with the aims in life. Short term goals, long term goals, and self achievement. Today, I engaged in productivity from morning to 3pm. Thereafter, I played game. Achieved quite abit for my Liu Bei. Ha, exciting war battles.

Evening time, I watched the national day rally. Its quite an interesting one. One thing that caught my mind was the need to Innovate and encourage entrepreneurship, and the need to research and develop. Another thing was the need to improve the sevice level in Singapore. 2 interesting video were shown. It is true that to have a better service level, not only you should train the service provider, you should also change the mindset that the customers should appreciate the service they get from the providers. A good customer will receive good service. Think of when was the last time you say "thank you" to a waiter. It will show how good a customer you are.

People in Singapore needs to change their mindset and remove the idea that things comes easily. How people treat their maids at home would show how their kids would grow up to be. The older generations has a role to play, a role to play as a role model. If the river is polluted upsteam, the people down there will suffer. Snowball.

What does it take to be a politician? If I aim to be one to serve the human beings, would being a politician help me achieve my aim? I'm just saying, not confirming to be one. Haha, anyway I don't have what it takes.

20/8/05

I finished a harley davidson case and 2 risk management tutorials. Then I can't wait and jump into the gaming realm. I played Romance of the 3 kingdom part 10. I chose to play as Guan Yu and served Liu Bei. Sometimes in war, I just hate the intelligence of the computer AI. I guess computer just don't think well in terms of war strategy. And I'll have to always command Guan Yu to save Liu Bei's Ass. argh. I can't command other people, thats the problem. I guess its a sort of training for me to prepare me for the future business work.

At night, its the long awaited westwind band prac. Today we sight read 5 pieces. difficult pieces but nice sounding. And the conductor praised the Lower brass section for having super nice harmony and in tuned chords. Today is the first time where the loud guy actually listened to balance and blended in. Another reason why i enjoyed playing today is because I sat beside trombones rather than in front of them. I could feel the balance too. 1 eupho, 3 trombones. Power lower brass. No tubas haha.

I starting to feel a bit ill. The 5 consecutive sneeze in the morning is giving me sore throat now. Soooo terrible. Sleep now

19/8/05

A music appreciation module in the morning. A lecture in the afternoon. But on top of that, I've chatted with a good friend of mine. It is has been so long since I last had an intelligent talk. Well intelligent talk means seriously talking about business, talking about jobs, talking about people, talking about the market, talking about careers. Thats not the only talk, we also engaged in funny talk that made me laugh. But I was kinda tired sia, so sometimes mind abit drifty. Pardon me.

Well, all friends are good. Doesn't matter whether its any kind of talk, as long as you can talk to the person, that person is a good friend. And I really appreciate that friend. But of course sometimes this friend gave me an idea that i'm quite an irritating person haha. Nvm, I am aware of my behavior. Sometimes i lose control and talk rubbish haha. My super close friends will know that when I am really tired, I'll talk rubbish. Also, when i'm reaching my sleeping time, I'll talk rubbish.

Many people cross the paths other people takes. Whether any 2 roads would join in the end, depends on something strange called fate. Roads bent, bumpy, painful, whatever it is, will end up somewhere. Sometimes it really makes me wonder whether a choice of road would take me elsewhere, too far away, and disappear haha. I think i'm thinking too much. Or perhaps I'm walking at a straight road where it doesn't meet other roads. Should I care? Should I do something? Sigh, I wonder when i've started to think of these kind of things. I should get myself damn busy so that I just walk and stop thinking. Hee

18/8/05

Presentation today was ok!! Phew. More practice in presentation does not equals to better presentation skills. Improve self confidence and self esteem equals higher chance of better presentation. That is correct.

Today's activities are quite tight. After the morning class ended at 1030am, I went for a meeting. After that, i went to computer lab and typed a speech for my elective which was completed at 2pm. I was hungry at 12 plus but felt numbed at 2pm so i took out another thing to do and typed something regarding another project and finished it at 2.30. This was the time I went for lunch.

I went to NUS and reached there at 4pm. I went for the band prac loh. But before that, my good friend L, brought me around NUS for a tour. Nice walk around the place. And took free shuttle bus. Good quality bus loh. Had dinner at a canteen and waited for my celebrity friend to meet us. He never fails to amuse us with his humour!! hhee. He is still the same. Laugh and laugh when he is present.

I reached home at 11.30pm and preparing to sleep now. Hee ta

Slice of Life

Handling Disappointment

Someone once said, "No appointments, no disappointments."

We experience these somewhat similar emotions when we have created expectations concerning what we will receive from others, life or even from ourselves. We might also feel such emotions concerning our own abilities or efforts when we are unable to achieve the goals we desire.

We feel this way when things do not happen the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We develop expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled.
When we succumb to such feelings, we often give up making any further effort, which in turn obstructs our growth.

In order to handle disappointment, we have to first understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is unreasonable to expect or demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this evolutionary process if we did not have much to improve.

Have faith in the flow of life. There is a wisdom greater than ours. Something drives the salmon upriver. Something unfurls the flowers at dawn and closes them in the evening. Something makes the crystals grow in almost perfect asymmetry. We don't yet fully understand what that something is, but there's no denying it's there. So instead of demanding results immediately, we need to learn that change, manifestation and creation are usually slow organic processes.

Now this is hard to do when faced with disappointment - having confidence that with patience, practice and perseverance, we can manifest the changes we seek. But it's crucial that we develop greater trust in our ability to manifest our goals and life purpose with or without the help of specific persons.

See how you can achieve greater self-sufficiency. When we are independent, we need less from others and will expect less from them. What are the gaps in your life you now require others to fill? How can you work towards filling them yourself?


The Turtles

A family of turtles once decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place for their picnic.
During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.

Then, to their dismay, they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow-moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He finally agreed to go on one condition - that no one would eat until he returned.

Fair enough, the rest of the family decided, and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years rolled by, then six. Then, in the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and began to unwrap a sandwich.

At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree and shouted, "See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt!"

Like the little turtle in the story, some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves. We're worried that other people are going to let us down, so we live in fear and suspicion. We often think the worst of others, not realising that it's our very lack of faith that leads to the result we dreaded. The family of turtles would have waited for the little turtle to return. In fact, they did; seven years they waited. Eventually the oldest turtle was forced to stopped waiting because of the little turtle's mistrust. In the same way, we often bring out the worst in other people because we expected nothing better from them.

So choose to see the good in people. Don't waste time judging others while not doing anything to improve yourself. If we were like the little turtle in the story, we would all suffer.

17/8/05

School has started to push down on me. Actually nothing much but my mind just can't stop thinking what I need to do next and next and next. Tomorrow I have a presentation for one of the modules, then i have to write a 600 words speech for another module, then I have to read 3 chapters of another module, I have to prepare for a ppt presentation that will be held next week. Hmm need to do.

I need to go prepare now and plan. Tiredness starts to kick in. I need energy.

16/8/05

6hrs on FYP, one section done. But the things i wrote seems to be lacking in argument. What the hell. Tax is just such a difficult thing to do. I'm an accounting student you know...... not that i mean that i could do better with an accounting topic for fyp, but..... tax situations are so complicated.

I have labeled tuesday as a day for FYP. Its week 4 through the semester and the FYP has finally started its momentum. More project deadlines are coming up, more band practices are coming up, more performances, more liasing with external companies, and a big... or maybe small business simulation competition haha.

I'm going to play games later and no one is going to stop me. My head was bursting in the afternoon that I couldn't be bother where i was walking when i went out to Toa Payoh central for lunch. I guess my mum would find me a bit salt salt (hokkien). My mind was spinning with CPF things when i was looking into the sky. Hell.

15/8/05

I am finally able to proceed at normal pace after completing tutorials 2 weeks in advance. Now I have time for my FYP and tomorrow is one full day on it unless last minute things come up.

Today, someone from my class called me "god" in terms of work. I told her, i'm a worker, not a genius. To be able to match up with the pace of another friend who is in the same project group, I must work double hard. That other friend happens to be a genius with super great ability in on-the-spot thinking. I don't have it you see. Preparation, think and rethink becomes a necessity for my own survival.

I went for a career seminar on how to prepare for career talks and tea sessions. Somehow, I think i'm not up to the standard to really outshine other people during these kind of occasions. You have to be outspoken and daring. Compared to SMU people, I just I lose out big time on this aspenct, as pointed out by the speaker herself. I can only prove to people with my working ability. I can't talk my way through to make people notice my presence. Is that a help sign I'm portraying? I guess so. Rounds and rounds of interviews just to get a job?? Thats crazy if you ask me. I'll rather work low and start low. When I build my reputation, thats when people look for me. Let work performance be my winning indicator, and let no ill remarks mark me down.

My first step to venture out into the business world would be from the NTUC BEST challenge. My aim is to win actually. I've been telling people, i just want to experience it. ITs because I don't want to put stress on my groupmates for my own desire. They are all great team mates from different disciplines. Banking and finance, Accountancy, and HR. A well balanced team with a all rounded view. Too bad, first round is to challenge between ntu participants. I can't wait to trash people from other Universities!! I will win, you just watch it. (don't laugh when i lose in first round hor) haha

Slice of Life

Happy Being AloneWhat's wrong with being single?

Well, a whole lot, if you go by what you see and hear around you. Whether you watch TV, go to the cinema, or listen to friends and family, messages promoting couplehood prevail. Visit any bookstore and you'll find dozens of books about relationships; how to keep them together, how to grieve the loss of a loved one, how to find and keep the "perfect" mate, how to satisfy your lover sexually, and the list goes on and on. Rarely will you find books on being single unless they relate to healing some aspect of yourself in preparation for a relationship.

Society expects every man and woman to wed, preferably before the age of 30, and to have at least one child (two is perfect). Even though the term "old maid" is no longer politically correct, many still respond with surprise if an older woman remains unhitched. Single women are supposed to date regularly. If not, friends, family, and coworkers love to set singles up with blind dates (and we all know how satisfying those are). It's practically screaming at us from every corner - it's not okay to be alone.

Now don't get me wrong; being in a loving relationship has its benefits, no doubt about that. And the future of the human race hinges on our ability to reproduce at a steady rate. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. But there is nothing wrong with not being in relationship either. Singles are not undesirable, immoral, child-loathing social recluses with toxic personalities. Many singles lead perfectly happy, fulfilling lives by choice.

Besides, not all relationships are dandy. Couplehood can be marvellous as long as there is mutual respect and some communication and conflict-management skills. Unfortunately, few relationships share all of these characteristics, leaving many people unhappy.

Being single can be a rejuvenating experience. It gives us the opportunity to discover who we are, what we do and don't like, how we deal with things, what we want out of life, what our expectations are, what our potentials are, and what energizes and empowers us. By learning to love and care for ourselves, we don't have to hunger for someone else to fill the void in our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. The purpose of entering into a relationship should be to share oneself with another person as opposed to trying to get from someone what is lacking in ourselves.

So if you're single, why not make the most of it? Enjoy yourself! You can be alone and happy and successful.

14/8/05

Today is my first slack day after school started. But theres work afterall.

In the morning, its 1 tutorial done. Then game game and game until evening time. Somehow, I find gaming a waste of time now haha when i look back. During the game play, its damn fun but....

Evening time, I went buffet with my parents at the kallang theatre there. I forgotten what is the name of that restaurant. Its quite a worth it one, better than the one at Suntec. However, the desserts were so disappointing. My main aim for buffet is the dessert hee. Anyway so full now.

I'm going to watch to the Apprentice. You need to wash your mind with those kind of programme to have energy to fight in life. I am one of that example..

13/8/05

Today's highlight is regarding the CashFlow boardgames. Paid 15$ to go there learn about managing finance and to play the boardgame.

That boardgame is definitely a good game for business people. However its not easy to be found as its not sold on market in Singapore i believe. It also costs a huge bomb. That guy there told me its about 200 bucks US. Crazy?

I've actually learnt that I should aim to earn passive income instead of earning a salary that is only enough for expenses. The objective is to break out of the rat race, meaning, salary, expenses, salary, expenses and keep on going like that. We need to take up opportunity for investment when the chance comes. Get good deals and capitalise on it. One of the ways i learnt, is to invest in real estates and earn rents from it. To me, its really a good way but there are many risks to consider. I'm really not a big risk taker. I think i need to revise my plans for the future after attending this cashflow game.

I would encourage all my friends to go for this. When you have excess cash, don't just put them in bank to earn peanut interest. Put them in other areas to make money work for you.yuppie

12/8/05

I'm getting more and more energetic.... except for the time after meals haa. I've been occupying myself with lots of things that would be related to self improvement and career planning. Its time I make myself more competitive in the market place. I've been dormant for the past 2 years and this is the time where i make my strike. Make myself known by the business world.

1st step, I am taking part in the NTUC BEST competition. Its a simulation game that will allow us to compete about business strategy and decision making abilities.

2nd step, I have registered with this entrepreneur club for a session to learn how to manage finance and plan for future by playing a board game called Cashflow. I heard its the most expensive board game in the world. I want to try it.

Yup, I have started my engine on this aspects. CHiong for work exellence.!

11/8/05

I pontang band today!! I got lecture until 6.30pm lah, cannot go. Travelling to Nus at 6.30pm will kill me you know.

Anyway, Thursday will now be the last hectic day of every week cuz there are 2 exciting tutorials. Friday.... just one Music Appreciation course and one Core lecture. No need to participate bah, so I just shut down my active mind and switch on my passive information absorbing mind.

Today I applied for my internship. I adopted an aggressive stand on this matter and sent my application directly to the company i want and also in the ntu's system. I want to try the auditor's life and see if its really that terrible that I cannot stand it. I want to strive hard and perform well in my work. Its the only place where i can put my energy now. yeah!

10/8/05

I had a strange feeling today. I don't think anyone normal would feel that. I got so excited about buying books these 2 days. Yesterday, I bought 2 books japanese books for learning that language. Today I bought 2 more textbooks for my general electives. I got so excited just by thinking about them. I'm crazy!.

I have devised a method to train my abbs muscle while taking bus. Haha its a hard to understand method so i won't elaborate much here. But I'm gonna train hard so that i can play my eupho better.

Recently, my days have been so systematic. Everything are just divided into slots of things to do. From this time to that time, i must complete this or that. Its somehow boring and exciting. I get to know what i need to do, and meet time targets. Mechanical in process, but strategic in planning.

This is week 3 of the semester. Feels a bit chionging. Have too cuz my band committments are as heavy as my school work. I'm training my endurance actually. I'm gonna train it so that i can maintain my work committments as well as interest as well as family. Strive to be stronger and better in time planning. Yeah!!

9/8/05

Happy Birthday Singapore!! Its national day, and I'm so happy about it. I can't believe I'm so patriotic about it. If anyone badmouth Singapore, I'll wack him upsidedown.

I woke up in the morning doing the boring stuff, Homework!. I'm happy actually that I could finish according to my planned timing. Then I was suppose to meet my friend in Toa Payoh central but he had some problems meeting me, so it was postphoned to the evening.

I walked around the shopping area for a while and went into the Popular Book shop. Its 20% discount storewide for national day only.

I went to my friend's house after that. I'm asked to sing for a song written by this friend. He wanted to send it to someone as a birthday gift. This is the first time i experience the difficulty in recording a song. Its really some heart pounding excitment when you are waiting to sing the first note. Most of the time, I started ugly. I'm glad I managed to sing 2 times completely without big cock ups. Phew. If not, my friend might just kill me haha.

So i went back to toa payoh waiting to meet my friend. In that mean time, I went into Popular again and went to grab 2 jap language book. I have always wanted to have jap books of my own so that i can learn how to speak them. Hee its 20% discount, why wouldn't i buy it.

After a while, my friend called, and told me he can't meet me. Well, too bad. Wasted quite a big of time waiting. I still had things i haven't complete. This holiday is sooooo busy for me. hahaa I better go do my work now. Ta.

8/8/05

Ah, i remember something that I missed out on yesterday's blog. I realised that my "wife" in Westwinds knows me the best. She communicates effectively and can face important occasions. I could express at my very best with her around. How beautiful can she be? Till death we will part.

Today, I went for 2 meetings. One lasted 1.5 hrs, the other lasted about 3.5hrs. I realised another thing (i keep realising things). My AA205 grp made me see the difference between genius and a hard worker. That genius who I respect really amazed me with his thinking and on the spot analysis. Its really something that I couldn't match up to. Naruto tells me that Hardworker can one day beat genius. Will I be able to? I'll try. But I won't be fighting in school of course. The genius and I are still team mates. Compliment each other currently. I hope to learn as much from him as possible.

I just did a tutorial. Haha I can't imagine analysing on a case about X box. This is totally in my interest and I really wrote alot of things on the gaming arena. Haha, it helps when you are damn interested in a certain industry. I wonder when would a case be on the classical music industry.

Slice of life

Modern Leaders (Part 3)
In this programme, we continue to talk about the evolution of modern day leaders.

The new leaders of today do not simply guide their team. They also facilitate - they foster environments which are conducive for potential and possibility. These conditions allow people to share information, form trusting relationships, and take time to think.

A good leader understands that the process of change is much more than the physical or cosmetic change that takes place - the adoption of a new logo or tagline, the moving of the office, the re-organisation of the work process. The leader understands that the most important dynamic is the underlying emotional transition of identity that accompanies change. The leader realizes that a time of confusion and wandering is necessary and that great creativity is possible if people feel and move through the emotions of transition.

The leader is comfortable with emotions - as a facilitator, the leader confronts, empathizes, challenges, and acknowledges. He receives feedback without defensiveness and provides feedback without alienating others. Leaders share their mistakes, shortcomings, and experiences. The facilitator keeps minority views alive and avoids premature consensus. The desire for consensus is what often paralyses change or genuine evaluation.
Very often, the new leader functions as a colleague, and sets a model example of skills for the group so that all can work towards becoming facilitators of change.

The leader listens, questions, and seeks to be jolted, taught, and guided. All this he welcomes without feeling threatened; this is one of the true hallmarks of a great modern leader. He shows that he needs others but is not overly dependent.

Robert Greenleaf, author of Servant Leadership, wrote that we do not need more technical knowledge today but strong ethical leaders who will raise moral standards in a time when much of leadership is corrupt and incompetent. These leaders will "know experimentally" what is right and will have the courage to follow that course through the chaos of the age.

The hope we want for our future lies within each of us. The challenge is for each of us to be all that we can be.

7/8/05

A full band day. I was happy with my experience today. Nothing unhappy happened. Thats such a rare chance hee.

Went to potong pasir cc band performance in the morning. The weather was damn hot, and we were asked to perform for a GRC function. It was fun actually. No stress, just play. The pieces were the simple simple and very simple kind. The band sound, although young, have potential to become very good in 3-4 years time. No joke about it. So we performed 2 sessions of 3 songs each. Short, but ok lah.

In the afternoon, I had to go to Westwinds for a rehearsal for the performance tonight. An outdoor performance. The first piece we rehearsed was El Bimbo. The minute when we started to go "da-da-ta" on the first 3 notes, I went "wow" in my mind. Westwinds had never sounded so good before. Its really amazing. It really helps when people listen to good bands. We had that opportunity during the WASBE conference. Westwinds..... aiming for world class standards.

6/8/05

Today I woke up to teach band? The thing I did today was to..... play percussion. That drumset kid had a fever and didn't turn up for an important practice today. In the end, I was asked to take over and play. I had zero drumming experience, and i had to practice straight away and play straight away. It was exciting and stressful. I think I did well, considering I am not a drummer.

I felt so tired when I got home, but I had to drag myself to finish one of my tutorials. After that, I took a little nap before waking up to do up a microsoft access database for my fyp project. This database contains more than 100 summaries and information of law cases. I didn't know importing data from microsoft excel could be so difficult.

I think I am a bad team player when there is a powerful leader leading the group. My mind would start thinking that the leader could lead so I can slack. In the end, I slack almost totally. I don't know why I had this funny thinking and behavior. I feel uneasy actually cuz i don't want to be viewed as an ineffective worker. Wierd brain.

5/8/05

Finally, I have the chance to come back home early to rest. Now is 8.40pm, and I really feel like resting soon. But there are still work. SIgh.

I just too up a new GE module called music appreciation. Most of the things learnt today are things that I have learnt through my band life. Well, some terms looked foreign to be but should be fine. I'm gonna do analysis of an ochestra music as my project. Thats very exciting! Maybe to me only haha.

I'm just so tired that i don't know what to type. Let my mind rest now.

Slice of Life

Modern Leaders (Part 2)

In the last programme, we talked about how new leaders are neither afraid nor ashamed to serve when the situation calls for it. Today, let's talk about how new leaders also teach.

In times of such rapid change, we must all adopt an attitude of learning, and each of us is both teacher and student. The new leader translates the vision, values, and purpose of the organization to everyday operations and acts as a model for leadership behaviour. In the process of teaching, the teacher learns.

Unfortunately, in a fearful, mediocre, and mechanistic organisation, people also learn. They learn to blame, comply, conform, and to keep their heads down. People learn to be busy, helpless, and powerless. They learn to be defensive, confused, and cynical. They learn to be abusive, inauthentic, and cowardly.

A great modern leader can take determined action to reverse this negative process of learning. He sets high standards, is a tough grader, and stresses personal accountability for learning. Time, rewards, and resources are allocated for self-directed learning. Presently-jaded employees will risk again if they have hope for a more authentic and value-driven workplace to which they can contribute their gifts.

In tough economic times, the genuine modern leader reveals himself. He continues to learn new skills and develop new talents. Economic recession also presents an opportunity to eliminate high-level management positions (who represent high overheads) and to invest in the self-management of front-line workers who know what is wrong with the organization and know how to fix it.

As organisations "open up" and people participate freely, some of those in higher positions may feel threatened and embarrassed by the knowledge and intelligence of those subordinate to them, and may punish them, just like bullies in school. The teacher watches for this and corrects the behaviour before it destroys the organisation.

The love of learning has been driven from many people by our institutions, beginning with our schools. The teacher within the leader ignites the desire to learn in others through his own authenticity as a learner and as a teacher.

4/8/05

Another super long day. I've brought it to myself, so I shouldn't complain... But i just want to.

The school lessons was ok for me, just a little tired. Then I travelled from school back to home, then from home to amk, then from amk to NUS. I actually played with the band today during this freshies day. I don't know if i should continue going cuz workload is starting to get heavy.

Somehow, I got this feeling of challenging myself to manage the workload. It will be the same during the working life when I have to juggle between family, music and work. Learn now so that I won't have a very tough time later.

Anyway the band was very big today. They didn't sounded bad at all. The conductor is energetic and fun. However, as I have complained about many bands, the trombones are just not soothing to my ears. Maybe i would feel better if the trombones were to sit somewhere far from me instead of behind me.

Slice of Life

Modern Leaders (Part 1)

The great leaders of history - Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Mao Zedong - most of them, if not all, ruled with heavy hands and arrogant hearts. Their ability to motivate and galvanise lay in the projection of themselves as giants among men, stout and unwavering.

These days though, the image of the ruthless and decisive leader is archaic and fast losing favour and efficacy. In an increasingly modern and educated world, people are discovering and capitalising on their unique strengths. The fast-globalising world also gives them unprecedented mobility. The true leaders of today need more than just charisma and brute force.

Modern leaders choose humble service to a great purpose over greed and selfishness. Their every action is congruent with the purpose and highest values of the whole, even at personal cost. Making a difference matters - not just making a buck or a false impression.

Leaders of such character and calibre are what's needed to drive this new age. These new leaders choose service and sacrifice over selfishness because they care about things outside of themselves. Leader and follower share the search for meaning, and the desire to make a worthy contribution to life.

The new leaders are compassionate and understand that one has to love people to lead them. And this love for people will foster motivation and respect no amount of financial incentives or punishment can ever achieve. The new leader understands that it's people, not machines, who meet competitive challenges. He realises that the business exists to provide meaningful work and opportunities to learn and grow for employees, as well as to provide a product or service for customers, and financial returns for investors.

In a world of cynicism, deception, and slick self-promotion, it's difficult to spot such leaders. If you're in a supervisory position, how far have you come in terms of becoming a truly modern, visionary leader?

True leaders help others be the best they can be. Join me in the next programme when we'll continue to talk about the evolving nature of leaders.

3/8/05

Today was a very very very very long day for me. Alot of things happened, happy, tiring, exciting, and others. Let me say them in an organised manner.

Morning, wake up at 5am and went to school for a class. Nothing much happened during the class, just that I am still very quiet. There are some tutors who i can relate to and some that I can't. I find that I can't relate to today's tutor.

After the lesson, I went to computer lab to check out my utopia province. I happened to be able to chat to a new friend. This friend is a architect designer. Cool isn't it? It was a nice chat, cuz i could feel the liveliness of my friend affecting me. I was quite zombotic today because i slept at 11.30pm last night. The livelineess was a great help. And I was so happy that i found out that I was given approval to take a music appreciation module hee hurray

Then I attended a seminar on career planning. I learnt about the new mindset of the new age of employment. interesting talk.

Then it was the modules for my education minor. The registration system was so cock up that I really can't stand it. I fought for my friend for a place in the course but that tutor was just sooooo, i can't find the word. The tutor is a nice guy but he just seems not very student centric or perhaps customer focus. He don't know the sufferrings we students go through during this registration process, mentally and physically. There were a couple of us who didn't get the module. In then end, the whole bunch of us marched towards the office of the contact person for this minor program. It was about 15-20 people, squeezed in the narrow corridor. Sadly, that contact person wasn't there, but we met one of the lecturers for our 1st module of the minor. He is still so Ah beng. He said," wah gang fight ah. what you all doing? What? finding jonathon(contact person)? Don't look so aggressive, everything is under control. Jonathon is a very gentle person and he can't take it one."

I like that Ah beng hee. He knows how we students feel and could get a very good rupport with us. Great teacher-friend.

At the end of the school day, a bunch of us marched towards the office of Administration regarding the matter. we talked to a lady who could help us. She wasn't so friendly in the beginning but was ok after a while. I guess I still cannot talk in a nice way when things doesn't turn out well. She told us to be patient. That we must.

After school, I went to potong pasir CC for a band prac. My teacher requested me to play in that band for this sunday's performance, and i did. I am so surprise that I actually enjoyed it despite playing really really easy songs. The sound balance was nice, no star players, no crazy players, no arrogant players. But then the band needs alot of work if my teacher wants to build it up. This sunday is going to be a really busy day.

Slice of life

Love Should Not Be Bartered

You usually do what you're told or asked to, even when you really don't want to do it. You keep your grudges inside, but because you feel mistreated, you grumble, complain and have frequent bursts of anger. You feel suppressed, but just can't seem to say "no".

Does that sound like you?

If you're consistently suppressing your desires to accommodate other people's needs, even it makes you really unhappy, perhaps you need a shift in self-perspective.

You probably feel that if you don't give in to others' requests or demands, that people will not love or accept you anymore. You believe that their "love" for you is based solely on the pre-requisite that you comply with their every wish.

People trapped in such relationships can't seem to refuse the requests of family members or friends. And their family members and friends have become so used to seeing them in the submissive role that they often think that's what makes them happy, so they leave them to it. These people also get feelings of self-worth from being the "victim", the "martyr", or the one who has to sacrifice his own needs to accommodate the desires of the people he loves. This is a false line of reasoning that he has allowed himself to believe.

But your family members and friends will just as easily love you even if you can't give in to their desires. Love does not require that you suppress your true self and happiness. Love does not need you to be dishonest about your real feelings.

True freedom is found in giving out of love and not out of fear. When we give out of fear of rejection, we are not really giving but bartering whatever we are giving in exchange for others' acceptance.

No one can respond to what others ask of them all the time. And you are just as worthy of love even when you can't accommodate the needs of others.

Is it time you allowed others to be responsible for their own reality? And for you to be responsible for your own happiness?

2/8/05

I lost my temper again. Somehow regretted it after that. When you look at their crying faces, you will wonder if you have done wrong. Teacher: one who educates to nurture a child's character and knowledge so that he could survive in the world. If one's behavior is wrong, should one scold or tell him off? Sigh. The dilemma. When you look at those crying faces, you just feel so wrong with yourself. My whole day had been boiled down by that thought.

This is just the 2nd week of school and my mind changed so much? One acts differently when presented a hostile or stressful environment. I need to tetris my work well so that they fall nicely into my schedule. Apparently, I just committed myself to things that could kill myself. I need to learn to manage my own mind. Let no heart rule the mind. Think clearly.... act clearly...

1/8/05

It is the time where I say.... I am 23. When you start thinking back, you will realise that there are so many things that you could have done, and so many things that you should not have done. Time flows without stopping, nothing can stop it. One blink on the eye, 1 second passes. The next thing you know it, its 23 years living in this world. The world, beautiful, cruel, sweet, venomous, lively, tragic..... and many more. Although I am still in the early ages, I am starting to think and vision myself in the future. My mental age is 40 plus. How long more to go? what do I want to achieve? What can I do? Where can I go? So many questions. Walk a step a day and you will end up somewhere. Yup, thats how.

Today's lesson... tiring. My eyes black black. THe apprentice yesterday made me sleep at 11.30pm. I can't stand it hha. I was surprised and delighted to receive wishes from friends. First thing in the morning, I was blessed with 3 msgs on my handphone. One of whom that I didn't really expect. Didn't think that you still remember me. Wanted to send a msg over when it was your birthday but didn't. Not that I forgotten but.... ha nevermind that. There is really quite alot of linkages between many things. And sometimes you'll wonder if those coincidental things mean anything. From dreams, to the songs i'm listening lately, and past incidents. I don't know ha. I always think too much

Another friend, who seems to have been.... a bit wierd (I know I shouldn't say it this way but I don't know how to put it in another way)? Or perhaps i'm the wierd one. I always read wrong signals. Its due to information asynmmetry (accounting theory) ha. Perhaps, I would still think of it as a friend thingy as we have agreed earlier on, unless new circumstances has arose. Well, not to worry, the scale still rests on the correct side. I'll fix my unbalance mind soon.

Well, lately I thought my mind have settled into a peace and tranquility state. But sometimes it just wonders off and enters into a dreamy state again. Tries so hard to control it actually. I guess its what we call " we are all human beings". No normal human beings can reach a state of tranquility and sustain it over a long period of duration. We are a reactive being where new thoughts, feelings, behavior change through time. Being in a tranquility state would be known as a "zombotic" state.

Why am I talking so much rubbish again? ha it just signifies that I'm unbalance again. And talking about scale being unbalance, I'm getting fat eating so much these 2 days!! I need to exercise, which is what I'm going to do now!! Jog for 3.2km!!