30/11/04

Breathe fire. Trying to get the kids organised to do all the necessary things on the stage is not an easy task. Especially that the criteria is very strick. Every movement must be very strict, fast and swift. All holding of instruments standardised when they move onto the stage. A few naughty kids would quarrel at times because their instruments knocked each other. Then, they started pointing fingers at each other. Worst than a bunch of aunties flocked together for arguments.

But, when you see the end product, you will be amazed that primary school students can put up such precision. Erm... however, we are still far from the top primary school bands in Singapore. I only taught for half a day (enough to vomit blood), and the other half, they went to the zoo but I didn't go. I deserved a good rest.

So after that, I went to meet on of my Euphonium disciple. She wanted to see my collection of band scores for euphonium. She is still the same. haha its always interesting to talk to her because she will give those kind of suanning replies, demanding requests (maybe not so much now), laughter that seems similar to mine. Don't know how to describe her much. But, I didn't put up a front (in other words natural) when i talk to her, so its really like a bro and sis thingy haha. For a sec 3(going to sec 4), she is one of the most hardworking euphist I have seen. One thing, She can really sew haha.

After all those laughing, she went to watch a concert and I went to a vcd shop before I went home. I saw this korean show- Stairway to Heaven. One of my ntu friend introduced me to that, so I was thinking that I can take this holiday to watch it too. Anyway I'm waiting for my another friend to lend me the Summer scent hee. I can watch both. Yeah!

Ahhhhh I discovered that I have a long strend of white hair when I was bathing. Oh no... I'm really getting old. Bad bad. Faint.

Tomorrow, I'll be in the Primary school for 12 hrs. They will put up their performance at night, and I'm suppose to help in the running of the show. I hope that everything runs smoothly tomorrow.

Slice of Life

"Addicted To Bad Relationships II

Many women remain in abusive relationships because they keep hoping that their partners will change for the better. They put their own emotional needs on hold, while they wait for their partners to stop abusing them, be it physically or mentally. They wait for their partners to kick their addiction - be it to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, though the passing days offer no sign of improvement.

It's easy, as an observer, to assume the woman foolish for choosing to remain with a bully. But you see, women don't intentionally fall in love with bullies. They fall in love with someone who's strong, in control, masculine, resourceful, and confident; someone who seems to "complete" them.

Abusive men can and often start out very charming and chivalrous. They tend to be fast-wooers, and on the surface, it can seem that that's because they're confident and decisive. However, a deeper examination of the man's psyche usually reveals a profound sense of insecurity and a fundamental dislike or distrust of women. They probably feel that prominent female figures in the past have let them down.

These men demand commitment yet hate the restrictions it places on them. They encourage their partner to depend on them, then become resentful of the dependency. This resentment, increasingly, reveals itself in reproaches, fault finding, withdrawal of intimacy and escalating outbursts of anger. In the early days, the woman is likely to reveal the extent of her distress. She may cry uncontrollably. She may threaten to hurt herself or run away. When she does so, the man's fury will subside and he will revert to being a loving partner… for a while at least.

Because whether or not he loves her, he desperately needs her. An abusive man restores his own feelings of self-worth by cutting the woman down to size. He needs her to shore up his feelings, so he must ultimately convince her to stay with him. This can go on for a long time, with each attack getting more and more severe, and the healing episodes fewer and further between. The woman soon loses the energy and will to leave. She stays in the abusive relationship, waiting for the "fix" that she mistakenly believes only he can provide. She thinks that her partner really does love her; it's just that he's having a hard time, it's stress, it's work, it's his ex-girlfriend, it's his childhood, it's his fear of losing her. That one day, things will be all right. But that day never comes.

If you think that you're caught in such a situation, do seek help immediately, before it destroys you."

29/11/04

Anyone experience a full day of teaching? I did it today. Well, the students are quite interesting. They play good music!!. Erm but not much emotions. What emotions can you expect from Primary School kids? Anyway, they are very good in their technical aspects.

Today is their start of their 3 day camp (overnight only at the 2nd day). They gonna have to put up a performance on the last day of this camp to their parents. The recruits are going to play Mary had a little lamp (one song only hee), while the Seniors and Juniors are going to play 3 songs. I was mainly assigned to teach the recruits. I have to make sure they start together, tongue together, breathe together, sound together.

As you expect, the recruits are all primary 2 to 3 students, and I have to tackle them. Wow, to my surprise, one of the trumpeter actually challenged me. Perhaps I shouldn't view it that way but he is really cocky (proud). I was teaching the brasses to slur notes on a degree of a major 2nd, and I got bombed by him haha. "Cher, take out the instrument and see if you can do it or not." Thats what he said. Forced me to take out my mouthpiece, and I buzzed everything he wanted me to do. Couldn't stand his thinking haha. He need to be taught some lessons. So, whatever he wanted me to do, I did it in the normal tempo, and then doubled the tempo in my second try. Watching the kids' eyes enlarge in shock is just a delight haha, especially the one who challenged me. "Just practice hard and you can do it." Thats what I replied.

From all these teaching, you can really see that some kids are really difficult to handle, and you can lose your voice easily. Even for my voice, I feel a bit sore at the end of the day (I have known to have a very loud voice). When I was taking the senior brass section for sectionals for the 3 songs, I sang some of the parts to demonstrate how they should play it. Guess what.... the trombone girls just laughed at me... because they couldn't stand my opera-tic singing style. I always do that haha.

Tomorrow I'm gonna handle the recuits all by myself because my teacher (the main instructor. I'm only assistant) will not be coming tomorrow morning. I have to rehearse the actual movement with the recruits. The movements include, moving onto the stage, sitting down, instrument up, play, instrument down, stand, bow, move out. No conductor will be on stage with the recruits!!. Auto Pilot. How horrifying... for them.

Oh ya, I forgotten to write something to yesterday's blog. Remember I went to westmall for Ice Kachang? In the food court, I saw something that you would not usually find in a food court. Guess?? Its a BIRD. omg. what is a bird doing in the food court? And the food court is on the 4th level of the shopping mall. Thats pretty amazing for a bird. But it can't get out. I wonder if anyone is going to get it out. It was raining heavily, so maybe its hiding in the mall, and it got hungry, so it went to the food court. Imagine that if everything went bonkers, and the birds are having their meals in the food court. FAint!!

Ok enough for today. Gonna rest for another day of shouting hahaa.

Slice of Life

"Different Boats, Same Destination

The true beginning of life is when we realise the certainty of death.

The unpredictability of its coming. And the possible cruelty and injustice of its manner.

Physical life is but a spontaneous, instinctive, almost mindless phenomenon. From the moss that slowly envelops a rock, the graceful prance of a gazelle, to the ferociousness of a lioness during a hunt, almost all life is driven by the need for survival, the tenacity to hold on to life, to reproduce, to continue.

But spiritual life, emotional life, passionate life… these things can only be developed through the recognition and acceptance of death. Some of us may fantasise about immortality, without considering the ennui that can come with it.

Death can be a terrifying spectre. But it can also be a motivation. Most of us ignore it, or boldly reiterate our lack of fear of it. But whether we are afraid or not in our final moments is immaterial. What is important is how death inspires life!

Death can inspire us to live more loving, more selfless, and more meaningful lives. Sure, we all know it's coming, and most of us would like to think that it's going to be decades from now. But it could be within seconds.

We're all on different boats bound for the same destination. Our boats are of different design maybe, varying speeds, different amounts of fuel, some may even be luxury liners! But we all reach our destination eventually.

When we get there, will our mode of transport be so important? Did we spend our time marvelling at the beauty of the sea? Or did we drown in the opulence of our suite? Did we give freely? Or did we take without gratitude? Did we give love instead of expecting love?

Your life is your bounty. And it is made all the more precious because of its mortality. What you do with it, and what you do with others is entirely up to you, but you see, Death is really a gift - it's the monsoon that makes the sunshine all the more sumptuous, the vacuum that makes you swoon in oxygen, the end of all things that inspires you to begin."

28/11/04

The first word that comes to my mind--- TIred. Sooooo tired. TOday I was suppose to be at Westwinds for individual practice at 2pm but I went elsewhere instead. Main band practice starts 3.30pm. So... where did I go? I went to West Mall. I'm just not in the mood to go there straight for practice. I know for certain that even if I went for individual practice, I'll be practicing crap. I might as well go shopping (I seldom buy things).

So I was in West Mall. I walked around the shops, looking for things that I can buy for christmas presents. I remember one of my friend wanted to buy something for her eupho tutor. I saw a model euphonium there. Golden colour woh. Maybe she would like to buy that? I don't know haha. I need to search for something too. But nothing really attracted me yet.

Then I went into the food court for a bowl of ice kachang. Made a wrong choice. Should have gotten something warm. It was raining, and the shopping complex was like freezing. I am in a constant trance of brain freezing while eating the ice kachang. After I finished it, my body was shaking because of the coldness. I bet my temperature was 34 degrees celcius.

Band prac was just as exciting.... as usual. At the end of the practice, it was the usual sulking cheeks, tired fingers and red eyes. THe lighting there isn't enough. I have to wear my specs to see the score. Remember about the big solo I talked about previously? I really don't know how to interpret that solo melody. Its not nice after all, and it has a clashy feeling with the chords. Gonna sound sucky. I can't play something that I can't interpret. I gonna ask the conductor for help soon.

Ahhhh no time to watch movie. I hope "incredibles" can wait till the next weekend of the week after next. Would anyone be as lagging as me? Might want to watch that with me? haha. Dream on. Alright time to rest for the beginning of the worst week.

27/11/04

Hmm dark eye rings... anyone has it? I seemed to have developed it throughout these few days, due to sleeping late. Panda I am. This morning started off with band teaching again. Its another school this time. There is just this thing that i observe from the children i meet. When they meet new instructors or teachers, they will be very good, as in the behavior. Then, they slowly test water by inducing some naughty behaviors and playful acts. They want to know how far they can bully the teacher. Then they will open up and be their normal self. Hmm this cycle of events tend to complete faster in children compared to an adult. Who says children isn't scheming? hee.

I then went to Toa Payoh central again. Had lunch outside. Then went to the Popular again. Nothing better to do. Then some ideas knocked my mind again. For those friends who are close to me, they will know that I have always wanted to learn the Japanese language. I have been applying for the module for 2 sems already but I didn't have the luck to get it. Then, inside me," Why do i need to wait for the module to learn the language, why not just do it myself?" So, I went to find books on the language in Popular. Hmm instead of buying the book, why not i just go to the library. So I did, and found the book I want. So.... for the days that I take bus during this holiday, I'll be reading and trying to learn the language. Don't be surprise if i become an expert hahaa. Just joking.

After that, its band practice at night. My diaphram aches because I did some breathing exercise with the pri school kids. At Westwind, I nearly get crams haha. Giddiness kicks in. But its normal i know. 4 Person in the lower brass today, with no Tubas. Argh, how to get a full brass sound? Haha. 2-3 mths to concert, and things are not in place yet. I need practice hee. Big solo!!! I'm gonna invite my favourite professor there hee.

Oh ya, my mum bought a clock for me. My rooms already have 2 hanging clocks, and 4 standing alarm clocks. But this clock is very nice, because it is and oval one, with a Mickey pic in the middle, and may other disney character pics at the side. My room is going to turn into a cartoon land hee. Anyway it is one already.

Hmm watching summer scent again. Someone I just relate so much to the guy who got ditched haha. I just feel that I look like that guy. I just find it so weird that i feel that haha. Even for Winter Sonata, its the same. I also feel that I look like that guy who got ditched haha. Sad case. Anyway I need to go back to watch the show. Next time.

26/11/04

An empty day. Only to carve in my memories the images of teaching music. Come to think of it, I'm quite bad in teaching beginners. I'm a brass player but was asked to teach a saxophonist. Faint, and its a really playful one. Talk about forbia for kids... haha. Well, in the morning was one school, then took a cab to go to another school in the afternoon.

After all those teaching, I was suppose to go for a movie with a friend, but he was asked to work overtime till the night, so the movie was off. Wanted to watch it myself but... felt so tired after all those teaching. So i stayed at home and took a nap. It was dinner when I woke up. Played games, and watched tv. Hmm empty hehe.

Slice of Life

"Free Yourself From Attachment

One of the biggest traps in life is to desire something so much that you become inextricably attached to it. This object of desire can be a person, or thing, an outcome or any sort of pleasurable feeling or validation. Your need to possess it is so strong that your emotional well-being suffers when you don't have it.

What happens when you're waiting for it? You're anxious, stressed, obsessed. What happens if you don't get it? You're miserable. What happens when you get it and then lose it? You're miserable!

Some people cannot find inner peace unless they "have" whatever it is they are attached to, and some people even feel the compulsion to pursue whatever they need no matter what they have to do, or who they have to hurt. Some even end up taking their own lives because they cannot imagine life without that person or thing.
The only cure for this kind of desirous attachment is to understand the nature of desire. What happens when you finally possess that person or thing? You quickly lose interest and begin to desire someone or something else, right? It's an endless cycle. Why do we routinely subject ourselves to so much anxiety and stress for a little fleeting happiness? We can only find lasting peace from the INSIDE-OUT, not from the OUTSIDE-IN. If we can understand this, we can avoid a lot of pain.

The only way to free yourself from the emotional and mental suffering is to release all desirous attachment. Then you can go about your business, take care of what you wish to, be with whomever you enjoy being with, and know that your entire life and reality does not depend on any one person, place or thing. All things are equal in the sense that the pain or joy that they can give you is purely relative. It all depends on your point of view, and your willingness to appreciate. This prevents us from placing any one person or thing on a pedestal.
Once you've achieved this, you'll be able to drastically reduce anxiety, fear, pain and suffering. It is not what is outside of you that will bring you joy - it is your being free of desirous attachment that will enable you to live with far more inner peace, calm, serenity, and the joy you deserve."'

Thats the end today.

25/11/04

Its just another sad day. I can't remember what i wanted to say. I'll try to recall as I go along. I started the day by doing some practice on my keyboard. Tried to play the Song "I Believe" cuz i want to believe that I can play haha. But no... spent 1 plus hour on page 1 hmm. Piano isn't easy eh. Hee.

Oh ya, I wanted to say that my dream yesterday was a wierd one. Wierd it is. But its a nice one. Romantic walk in the rain. But...... the other person.... hmm not one who I would see normally, not even 3 times in a year. Wierd. Romantic part is one, the other part is a joke, can't say its frightening, can't say its funny. I guess dreams can be quite out of the world. Anyway the other part is a shopping experience haha. Can't believe that I can remember my dream till now.

My afternoon turned out to be a disaster. I thought me and my mum has reconciled, but things go worst. Must be the Macdonalds. Me, my mum and dad went to macdonalds to have our lunch. And things happened...... ah can't be bothered to type it. Forget it.

After that, I went out again. Don't feel like staying at home. So i went to Bishan Junction 8 for a walk. There are quite a number of upgrades in that shopping complex. Extensions are made, so the place looked a bit bigger now. Nothing much happened to me there. I enjoyed the walk in the Super market. Always do. Too bad the arcade is no longer there anymore. Looking at the clothes tells me that I should start buying new clothes. I always wear the same things over and over again. I am lazy to think of what to wear, thats why. I better change, or else people might start to go," huh, him with the same clothes again."

While I'm on the bus home, I started to feel something inside again. This time my mind came up with the melody of "My Memories" but..... not in the romantic form, but in a Minor scale form. It creates a picture of complete despair, even deeper than the sea. I wanted to compose the despair form of "My memories" and called it "Lawrence's Memories" but..... I don't want to spoil the original memory of "My memories". Getting confused? hahaa

I received a letter from MOE regarding my fees as an instructor in a school band. A few weeks back, I found that a sum of money was credited into my bank for no reason. It was from MOE, so I thought money dropped from the sky. At that point in time, I thought MOE made a mistake or the School had made a mistake in the claiming form. I really don't know what to do.

I told one of my friend about this matter, and he gave me some advice. He is studying in ACCA, aspiring to be a professional accountant. So, he tell me that I have to act ethically regarding this matter. Unaccounted funds can be a very dangerous thing. Well, I'm training as an accountant as well, so he hit some keys in my mind. He advice me to call MOE and tell them about this matter immediately, but I decided to wait for them to find out because things haven't been clear yet. I have used what I learnt in my school and applied to this kind of matter.

I guess I didn't present my arguments to my friend very clearly, thats why some debate took place during our conversation. Actually the first thing I told him was to ask myself whether there are legal implications regarding the matter. Then he told me that just by looking at legal considerations will create a big havoc regarding accounting treatments to many transactions.... and so I have to act ethically. I forgot to tell him that legal implications is the first question, even if theres no implications, it doesn't mean that I can act unethically. There are still second stage, and third stage to past, before a decision is made. So I did. I made use of all the stages and questions and made this decision.... wait.

One thing I told him that knocked myself off the chair is that," You are a final yr student in ACCA, that means you are 80% clensed in your mind, while I still have 1.5 yrs to go before i graduate, so I am 50% clensed only" Haha. Joke.

Anyway I made a right decision. Today I received this letter that proved my legal title in the claiming of the sum of money. I realised that the money relates back to the service I provided in July (SO long!!). In my mind, I have already treated those money as unrecoverable debts, because due to some reason, the teacher-in-charge might forget or delay the claiming process, and might cause my fees to be unclaimable. Hmm unrecoverable debts are recovered, and its a pleasant surprise. How do I record this in my financial statements? Debit, debtor a/c, Cash, and credit P&L, Debtor a/c.... faint. Haha

Hey my friend, G, don't say I not ethical anymore ok?? heee

Slice of Life

"Living a Guilt-Free Life

Guilt is one of the worst experiences known to us. It makes us feel unworthy and miserable. However, guilt itself is not a real "feeling". It's caused by judging ourselves or when someone else judges us, and we think that we have done something "wrong". A child does not feel "guilty" until someone tells him that he has hurt someone.

Therefore, "feeling guilty" is a conditioned response, not an authentic feeling. In other words, we are taught to feel bad and thus guilty when someone judges us. This judgment can be about anything, such as how we dress, how we move, how we think, what we do. For many children these days, it's how well they perform in school. Unrealistically high expectations from parents can make a child feel inadequate and afraid to take risks.

The truth is, there is no "right" way to dress, think or do! And although examinations are necessary for the education system, academic accomplishments are by no means a gauge for how talented your child is or how successful he or she will be later in life. Benchmarks, standards, norms, they all stifle creativity!

Now, the next time someone is offended by your behaviour and is accusing you of doing something wrong, remember this: When a person judges you as wrong, they are in fact, defending against their own feelings. Your behaviour has reminded that person of certain feelings inside them that they are suppressing. They are upset with you for putting them in touch with those feelings and they seek to regain control by making you feel bad. This is a very important point to understand - people use guilt to control others.

The thing about guilt is that, once you're entangled in it, no resolution is possible. It pulls you in different directions at the same time while you remain stuck in the same place. This has a very de-energising effect. You feel you have to remain miserable because you feel you should be punished for doing something wrong.It's easy to see why this sort of thinking is pointless and unhealthy. If you feel that you have done something you really regret, apologise and stop doing it. Punishment doesn't resolve anything. Identify the mistake, learn from it and move forward. Unlike feeling guilt, taking responsibility for your actions is empowering and educational.

So stop accepting judgments from yourself or from others. Honour your own needs and feelings instead of making them wrong. Feeling your real feelings will help you understand what's best for you instead what you've been conditioned to believe."


Tomorrow, I have to travel to 2 schools haha. Next week will be my busiest week.

24/11/04

Hmm I don't know what I did today. I seems to have done very few things. Oh oh i remember!! My memory just bounced back. I went to Poiching to teach band!! How can I forget that.

It has been a while since I last saw the kids. They are still as cheerful and playful. Some of them changed their looks, nearly can't recognise them. They sounded alot better as compared to 2 months ago. My trombone section is still the best!! Hee.

After that, I reached home at about 1pm, switched on my computer, went to check my email and found.... an email from my favourite professor. He brought some news that is not surprising but kinda sad. I wish him all the best for his new experientia. I can't say much cuz he wants me to keep it confidential hee. I spent 1 hr to type a reply letter to him, wishing him all the best. I wanted to treat him like a friend and type all the broken english but.... I think its still better to type properly so that I treat him with respect hee.

After that, I continued composing my piece that I have started yesterday. Truly speaking, I created a joke. Real Joke!. I started that piece with a scary beginning, but a comic relieve using the timpani after the introduction. I want to share all my music with people all around the world. Although they don't sound really pro but its me. Hee hear me.

I wanna prac some piano after this blog hee. I have stopped playing guitar for some time because guitar lets me think of sad past. I'll turn to piano for now. So I'll stop here. Here is slice of life

Slice of Life

"A Reflective Life (Part 2)

In this edition, we continue to explore how we can live a more reflective life in the midst of noise and turbulence.

One of the biggest traps in life is to work for money. Not that you shouldn't be paid your worth, but when you're unhappy with what you do but do it anyway because it pays well, you're spending a huge chunk of your life being miserable. Also, many people falsely assume that once they've amassed their wealth, once they've accumulated a certain amount of assets, THEN they will be happy. The truth is, if you can't be happy now, you won't be happy even when you have more money. In fact, money can even be a source of stress - fear of losing the wealth, and the constant desire of even more riches.

Many of us go through life not knowing our purpose. But knowing what we're in this world for creates passion. It stokes the fire of Life. It's a boundless source of happiness, inspiration and vitality once you've captured it accurately.

Having a decent job, getting married, and having two kids might seem like a purpose, but it's too generic to bring about any sort of profound joy or deep appreciation of life. Besides, it sounds like the sort of societal expectation that causes us to lose sight of ourselves and focus on what others want.

So how do we discover our purpose? Well, there is no magic formula, but for a start, make time for yourself. Spend 20 minutes or more each day meditating. Meditation can help us acquire deeper insights about themselves. Much of it is agnostic these days anyway, so there's no need for it to clash with your religion.
Meditation is simply quiet contemplation. It creates an ideal environment for your intuition to speak to you.

If you think you're too busy to meditate, or if you think it won't work for you, then try this - at several points in the day, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then, imagine exhaling as purging your mind and body of all your worries and tension. With life being as stressful as it is here, this simple exercise can be more helpful to your mental state than you think.

And those are some ways we can bring more introspection into our lives, thereby lessening stress and regret."

My memories....... (WeiQIang!! Wake up!!)

23/11/04

Today, I finished the last 4 discs of Winter Sonata. I don't know what to say. I am dried inside, now. The weather was with me today. It rain.

After completing a song last week, I have started on a new song. Felt so much inside, so I just wanna do something. The new piece started out with a forceful tempo and gradually turned into an eerie piano and bass guitar counter movement for 2 bars. Then....... I started to compose a joke.... faint. I didn't I could come out with that. What a comic. Perhaps after I finish that piece, I'll send to my friends and see what they say. Laugh? haha perhaps. I am going to call my piece," Tempo di valse... animato? for accordian and panflute."

Oh whats the difference between a piece and a song? My friend once corrected me on that, so I wanna tell you all. A song contains lyrics, a piece doesn't hee. He is very particular, so i must becareful with those terms as well.

I lost of energy to type more things because all have been drained out by Winter Sonata. So my next one is to catch Summer Scent every sat, at 11pm. The rest of the time, i'll try to pick up songs of Winter Sonata on piano hee. Dreamy.

Slice of Life

"A Reflective Life (Part 1)

In such a fast-paced, over-stimulated society, it's very easy to get swept away by the hurricane of media messages, corporate targets, financial goals, or popular notions of how we should be living our lives. When was the last time you allowed yourself the luxury of simply "being", without expectation of goal or result? When was the last time you shut out the discordant voices of this world, and truly listened to your own heart?

Too many people have lost the ability to reflect - to search inwards for answers. They look to other people and outside influences as if this imperfect world had the ability to miraculously improve their lives. Buy this moisturiser and you'll have a better shot at getting hitched. Climb to the top of the corporate ladder and you'll be happy. Buy flowers for your partner on Valentine's Day and your relationship will be great. Overtake that car and you're a winner.

Well, most moisturisers only work on a superficial level. You may reach the top of the corporate ladder only to find that it's leaning against the wrong wall. If you show your love for your partner only on certain days, then your relationship is flawed anyway. If overtaking another driver makes you feel like a winner, you should seriously evaluate what you're losing out on in this meaningless race.

When we're too focussed on the external, we may lose sight of the game plan. What are we doing this for? What do we truly want out of life? Do we have to achieve every objective? Do we have to impress everyone? Do we have to win every argument? Do we have to know everything? The person who judges himself or herself and others based on such specific criteria is quite unable to see beyond the surface. Knowledge should broaden our minds, not narrow them. Life is not a multiple-choice exam.

Having goals is no doubt important, but if we're too transfixed on the destination, the journey can be a misery. Goals should motivate us, but they should not teach us that happiness is impossible until we achieve them.
In the next edition of A Slice of Life, we'll explore how we can live a more reflective life in the midst of noise and turbulence."

Thats all from me today. "In search of a true self"

22/11/04

I woke up at 9 am, went to my basin and cleaned up my teeth. When I was tilting my head to my left when I was brushing, I saw something..... guess what? I saw a CRAB behind the washing machine...... am I dreaming? I looked around and saw a tub covered with a little net. I know it, crab meal today. BUt... WHAT THE CRAB haha doing behind the washing machine. I take it that i didn't see it... and went to my comp to do something.

9.30am.... *ring ring*.... "Hey Weiqiang ah... are you free today? Free now?"

"Why?"

"Can you please go down to Poiching? There is a mistake in the schedule."

(hmm i'm suppose to watch a performance this afternoon... hmm)

"Alright I'll be there"

So i went. Empty stomach, took a cab. Still late, nevertheless, I'm quite fast already. Apologize to my friend for not going for the performance.

Hey I met a nice uncle in the cab. Chat with him. One thing he knocked into me is the idea of "bringing umbrella before a rain". Let me explain. He actually told me about his life. He got retrenched by a company in 1992 and he went to take the cab license after that. His father long told him before that he should have gotten the license even if he had a secured job, because you never know what will happen next. Always learn more things and find other routes that you may go. A secure job doesn't mean that its a secure job forever.

One strange thing I found out was that the prerequisite for taking the cab license was that you need to be of a certain age +..... you need to be married +..... you need to have a child. THat was quite and outrageous information for me hahaa. But he told me that the requirements have been changed already. Thats not too bad. I'm qualified hee.

Here I am in Poiching, hmm unfamiliar students. Hmm new batch. Have to teach them Mary had a little lamp ops Lamb. haha.

After that, I went to Tampines Mall for a little walk.... from the first level to the top level. Went into the arcade. Saw a new shooting (plane) game. Gave it a shoot and.... "I've never died so fast before" Darn haha. My eyes getting bad.

After a while of lurking in the mall, I took a bus back to Toa Payoh, but i didn't went back home straight. I walked around Toa Payoh. But I don't know why I get tired so easily. Is it my eyes? I need a specs? Does anyone knows if a person will get tired easily if he doesn't wear specs, when he has short sightedness?

I went back home. Can't take it anymore. I went to look at the crabs. All back into the tub. I hate to see them because i'm going to eat them later. How sad. I once said, don't let me see anything alive if I'm going to eat them later. I couldn't bear to do it." I asked my parents whether they found the escapees. haha they told me theres 3!!. One even hid inside my store room. Hmm the Run-away-crabs. haha

I then watched 2 discs of Winter Sonata. I am on my way to finishing it tomorrow. 4 Discs left. Things are just getting complicated. Hee. I have translated another song from the show. I just wanna say something. Whatever the meanings of those songs are, they doesn't represent me. I know you are reading this. You doesn't have to feel anything. Lead your life to the fullest and be happy, thats all i ask of you. For me, I just wanna be dreamy. Its true. Like what the guy in the show said.... nevermind what he said, can't translate.

Forget Me Not

Please don't forget, every little bit of things

Even though I'm not by your side, Please don't forget

From the start till now, My love for you seems so near, yet so far

I will protect you

No matter where you are, I will protect you

You were there waiting for me

I went to the place where we first met

If I'm a bit late, please don't forget me

Don't forget that, I will be there.

(End)

Slice of Life

"The Things You Didn't Do

It's mostly the things we do that make a difference to other people's lives. But sometimes, it's the things we don't do that truly make a difference - the rage we don't fly into when someone does something wrong, the arrogance we don't develop even though we are mostly right, the violence we don't inflict when our tempers flare up, the punishment we don't mete out when someone lets us down.

When someone truly loves us, they will be able to forgive our flaws and mistakes with grace. What's unfortunate though, is that most of us tend to remember people for the things they've done, but forget about the things that they could've done, but chose not to.

A woman once wrote a letter to her husband…

Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car and I dented it? I thought you'd kill me but you didn't.
And remember the time I dragged you to the beach and you said it would rain and it did? I thought you'd say, "I told you so", but you didn't.

Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous and you were. I thought you'd leave me, but you didn't.

Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug. I thought you'd hit me but you didn't.

And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal and you showed up in jeans? I thought you'd drop me. But you didn't.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn't do.

But you put up with me and you loved me and you protected me.

There were lots of thing I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Vietnam. But you didn't.
A letter from an unnamed woman to her husband, who died in the Vietnam War.

It's important to recognize and appreciate our loved ones and friends for constantly tolerating our idiosyncracies, our flaws, and our less-than-desirable traits. If we put themselves in their positions, we can then begin to imagine the kinds of things they could've done to hurt us in return… but didn't.

Let these people know that you appreciate their grace and goodwill… before they're gone."

Another day. :)

21/11/04

Dear all. I feels so dreamy. Thats something I want to feel. Today I watched 4 disks of Winter Sonata. The feeling is getting more and more intense. How sad can things become? I think I have to carry on watching. I couldn't control myself but to let myself burst into tears. Wimp?

Just gonna tell everyone something about tears. Which part of our body controls our tearing function? It is the heart. I believe that no tears can be faked. You must really feel it before tear comes out. Whenever you see someone tear, please don't doubt.... its real. Since your heart wants to tear, why control? Just because society views it as not a good thing to tear? What a selfish society. Express your feelings. It is because of the society that we become so heartless. Ops generalisation and sterotyping. Sorry haha

Some phrases from the drama.

"At certain points in life, people will come to a split route. You will have to make a choice to take a certain route. This choice will affect your life, as well as others. Whatever route you take, just take it. Looking back can be painful."

"When you come to a faulty red light, do you cross the road? Or do you go to the next junction to cross the road? Going to the next junction might not be always a better route. The route infront of you might just be the one"

From all those things i see in the show, I believe it is always the best to follow the heart.

"If you are lost, find the North Star that can lead you. North Star will always stay in the same position even though the seasons have changed"

"When you are making a choice, you are not the one who is in pain. The people around you are also in pain. Be decisive, be firm. Being soft or kind will just cause pain to other people as well."

Somehow I feel that Winter Sonata is portaying itself as a deep sorrow, especially its songs. I could say that not one portray something happy. At least Summer Scent has kinda more of the Happy and Romance songs. But anyway, the songs in Winter Sonata are very effectively used.

My day out in Town

After watching Winter Sonata, something is telling my heart to find the piano scores of the songs. My heart says," I want to play those songs". Even though my piano skills are not good, I believe I have all the time to practice them. I have a life time. So I went out in search of the music scores.

I put on a different appearance today. Although I wore the clothes that I always wear, I had a different hair style. It really makes my whole mind different as well. Perhaps its the effect of the drama. I felt that I was dreaming. I don't want to come back to reality actually hee.

My first stop was Plaza Singapura (shopping mall). I took 143 and alighted at a bus stop before Meridian (I think its the name) and walked there. I went into the Yamaha shop. Its a very big shop, filled with books and instruments. I was like," how am i going to start searching?" I looked through almost every shelf. Nothing. The closest I found was the Scores for English pop songs. Oh my, where is it? The name Borders came into my mind.

I walked from Plaza Singapura backed to Borders. I was so lazy to cross the road to take a bus, so I walked back (Ironic? Laugh then). When i reached Borders, I went straight to the Music section. Look and look and look. Guess what?.... Not there. I got to think of another place. Compass point appeared in my mind.... but... its quite far. I am quite certain I can find it there but... I want to make sure I search Orchard thoroughly. I went to Takashimaya first.

Somewhere in my Memory (must be that show again), I remember having an image of me walking into a shop in Taka, where I can find the books. I walked around, and went into Kinokunia first. It is even bigger than Borders. I have to search for the map inside Kino. I was trying to find the Music section again. Turn here and turn there, but I can't find. Even with the map.... argh what is a man if that man cannot follow a map. In the end, I still found it. Thats not something to be proud of, because the number of books there is really amazing. Search search search.... I gave up.

I exit Kino... walked around in Taka.... wanted to give up and proceed on to Compass point. I saw the shops directory somewhere in the 4th level. That vague memory is still knocking me. I saw the shop names. "where where?" I saw this name.... Kawai. I am not sure if its that shop, but I wanna try. I finally came to a familiar place. Its the shop i see in my memory. I walked into the shop. I was the only Customer there. Kinda wierd feeling but I don't care. I walked to the books section and...... I FOUND IT.!! The book.... that book.... it has all the songs I wanted thats featured in Winter Sonata. My mind could finally rest. I paid for it, and walked out. Slight smiles on my face. I went home after that.

Hmm I'm amazed by my perserverence. But I got what I wanted. Can this kind of perserverance be applied elsewhere? I really don't know. I'll rather not be at some circumstances, even though the drama showed some. Doesn't work bah. Allow me to dream once more. :)

20/11/04

Today I watched 3 discs of Winter Sonata, and went for Westwind band practice at night. Hmm, after so much of winter sonata, i seems to have forgotten about my summer scent that is shown on tv. Anyway, I'm watching Summer scent while typing this. I have also decided not to publish my memories here. Its mine and for me to know. Only people who are important to me can know this memory. :)

Lets talk about happy things first. My mum went out with my father in the morning as usual. They even asked me to get my own breakfast (usually they will buy for me). I thought its a sign of protest. When they came home in the afternoon, I was wrong about it. They bought lots of food home. I have always told them that we are not humans but hungry gorillas living in HDB. Soooo much food.

Funny thing is this, my mum gave me herbal tea (liang2 cha2) and bought me a key chain that has Naruto on it. Haha, Well i guess cold war is over. Its a good way to reconcile. Nothing needs to be said, and everything solved automatically. Sounds like I'm a spoilt brat who doesn't take actions to reconcile eh. I don't know. I believe that family members shouldn't have overnight arguments. I was long time ok already. But sometimes still have a pinch in my heart.

Next is about band!! All those running notes and awkward fingerings really can make me blur. Well, concert is coming in 2-3 months time, so we have to work very hard. This concert is a concert for us to improve on our skills in preparation for the WASBE conference coming next jun I think. There is this song we sight read today..... created some kind of fear and excitement in me. I have a SOLO part for about 20 bars at a speed of 158 crotchets per minute. I'm gonna get crazy over it haha. Its a so obvious part and everyone will hear me. Fear and excitement best describes my feeling.

Because I was having the mood of Winter Sonata these few days, I started my warm up for euphonium by playing notes out of thin air, using Winter Sonata's feeling as a base. My speciality is to create a sad melody out of nowhere. I had this ability since sec 4 haha, and I really like the feeling of playing without scores, without restriction. Can anyone feel that? I felt it.

Talking about Winter Sonata... I suddenly find that it is really the right time to watch it. As the weather starts to turn cold, it seems to merge with the scenes in the show. Hmm usually there is a Villian in korean shows, and they really makes you feel like wanting to throw something at the tv when they do something bad. Winter Sonata's villian makes me wanna slap her haha but Summer Scent's one seems to be not that bad hee. From those shows, I can see that the cultural values in their society is very strong. Don't play play. Unlike Singapore, where there is a mixture of values. I really don't know which one is good.

Anyway, I have translated two of the songs in Winter Sonata. The lyrics are just so meaningful, perhaps to me. But it doesn't mean that I want to tell anything to anyone. I suddenly find that I like to translate lyrics of korean songs into english. Heres the Two. I know they might not be complete, cuz I translated when they play the music in the show hha.

My Memory

My memory,

I always remember that moment

Whenever I close my eyes, I could see my every bits of my past

You're far away,

I could only be here, no courage to say I love you, no courage to say I'll wait for you

To my surprise, I never thought that I'll be able to see you again, I really never thought of it.

I still love you

I want to tell you," I wanna love you forever"

If its not to late, be with me through sky and sea.


From now On (Direct translation of the title)

Wanting you back by my side, is something impossible

I tell myself not to persevere anymore

If there is no hope for the two of us, I would really want to forget, all the things that is related to you

Whenever I wish to smile, the thought of you always makes me cry

I don't have the energy to put my best effort to the things i do

When I think of you, I could not control myself

I tries to forget you, but I just can't

(End)

How touching could those words be? Ryu is a genius to be able to come up with the music. Oh ya, I'm gonna try and change my image for my next sem hee. The Winter Sonata has shown me that there is a kind of look that is present in natural hair. Natural hair means no Gel, no spray. I think its time for me to get back to my natural self. After one whole sem of changing into a wierd person, I think I should just go back to my old self. I'll be more comfortable that way I think. :)

19/11/04

Hi guys, today I'm going to type a very very very long blog. Please bear with me. I'll first post the Slice of life so for those who only wanna see it can see it and log off. I'm a bit drunk now, so please bear with my language.

Slice of life

Ops...... theres no slice of life today. Sorry folks

Diary

I was awoken by the sound of the main door closing. I knew someone went out. Its was my mum. She went out with my dad. I know it would be very awkward if she were to be at home with me, so she made a right choice by going out with my father to work. Btw my father... nah i shouldn't say what he is working as in the day haha.

I was alone in the house, so i continued watching the korean show, Winter Sonata. I watched 5 discs. I find that the way they film the show is just soo special. The every moment, the every slient in the middle of a conversation, the every expression, and every scene can mean so many things. Slient is most effectively used by them. It lets people think and feel while watching.

I also find that the story seems to be similar in the Seasons Series (Autumn, Winter, Summer). Spring is not out yet. They always begin with A & B being a couple. Then, C appears in the middle, and A(girl) likes C, and C likes A. However a dilemma between C and B. A will let B down. In B's eyes, C is always the one snatching A away. But most likely, A & C gets together in the end. But sad ending always comes after that because one will die from something.

The punching scene from the different shows (Winter vs Summer) has some similarity as well. C always engage in a punching scene because of A. C either gets punched or he punched another party because of A. Well, the person who is punched will always fall so gracefully haha. I really find that its an artistic way of filming a punching scene. Nice one.

Anyway, there are some phrases that are quite vivid to me. "A best gift to a dead person is to forget them" I think this phrase applies elsewhere as well. "If you love the person, you won't be able to find a reason why you love him" This is what i believe so too. I also find out that misunderstandings between 2 parties can cause a real havoc. Before any conclusion is being set upon a person, I think its better that you find that you confirm any allegation being brought upon by another person.

Thats all about Winter Sonata for now. Wait till i got more to say about it. After the 5 cds, it was about 6pm. I was thinking about drinking. I wanted to get out of house. I need a place to drink. So i went out. I took 145, travelled the usual route to city hall, and walked to suntec first. I wanted to just window shop with a sober mind first. I went to carrefour to search for the Concert dvds. They are really so cheap. As I was walking around the Food section, I overheard this small conversation.

The guy was walking towards a girl, holding a bag of something (i don't know whats that but maybe tapioca). He said to the girl, holding up the bag," this one cost 11 bucks ah. Wa lao eat gold ah."
I walked away and smiled. Nice joke for me.

I went to the Harry's in Esplanade after that. Its my favourite pub, and its the only one I go to. Minimum smoke, and no Hooligans. A class of its own. Nice music, nice ambience. What can you ask for more? BUt........ when i reached there at 8pm, there was a private function going on inside. Closed to public. Argh... must be this day. I then went out of esplanade to the outdoor performance ground.

There was an indian group performing. I was so impressed with the music. Its really modern and impressive. I stayed awhile, trying to gain some knowledge about indian music. Its really the modern kind. Like the Indian classical songs.

Not long after, I walked away from the performance ground, towards the bridge. The bridge that has given me the amount of memories that no one can imagine. I haven't been there for a long time. It still feels so familiar to me. I can still remember many things. These memories has prompted me to type all inside this blog. I really don't know if i should type it.

At this moment, let me do a translation for the theme song in Winter Sonata, and let me think whether to write my memories here. Oh no!! I can't find my chinese lyrics. I guess I'll just have to copy it down when i watch the show. Another day perhaps.

I have decided that I won't post my memories here tonight. its 2 am now. I don't wanna die tomorrow haha. Anyway I really thought of so many things.... from every little bit. Beginning till the end. Once more. It is true that memories cannot be lost or forgotten. We often cannot remember something is because of the lost in the ability to retreive. I stayed on the bridge for 1 hour. And went back to the Indian performance again.

I took note of time and went to the pub when its about 10pm. They said its open at 10, so i went. I sat infront of the bar counter. Ordered my first drink, Bloody Mary. I wanted to try something new haha. Perhaps if i got a chance, I would like to try them all. I started with the first one on the list. So... it came. Top of the glass smeared with salt, and the drink was red. So i thought. This is going to be a hot one....... but.... Its a damn Tomato Juice!! omg. My face twitched one side whenever i drink it. The way it tickles the back of my tongue really gives me creeps haha. I guess i have to drink it all because i wouldn't want to waste that money. I did. Happily.

That Bar boy was quite cute haha. I was observing the counter and all the wine placed there. All the colours was so amazing. That bar boy haha. He often took some cans of drink, and played with them like a pro. Did some throwing and turning here and there. But.... he is still a novice haha. There was one time, he took one glass and threw it with his right hand and tried to catch it with his left behind his back. *piang* dropped one but not shattered because the floor was protected with a layer of rubber. *piang*, there goes the second. I could see his facial expression, I smiled behind him haha. He got this dummie bottle somewhere in the counter where he'll take out to play once in a while.... not bad.. hee.

Argh that bloody Mary is getting into me. Bloody hell taste like tomato juice. I think it is one. haha. I saw people around me all getting Heineken.... i got curious. So, when i finished my Mary, I called for a Heineken and tried. At this point, I am starting to have the floating feeling. Enjoyable i guess haha. I can't drink for sure. Lousy me.

Paul came. He is the famous guitarist there. My main purpose there was to listen to him once more. His voice can really trigger your memories and take away sadness. Kinda sweet and sour feeling. He is just so cool. Once man solo guitarist. I highly recommend that place to all of you. Anyway Paul only comes on Thurs, Fri, and Sat, after 10pm. He performs 3 sessions of 45 mins each. Catch him.

I stayed there alone, admiring the ambience there. Occasionally laughed at the bar boy for the tricks he do. He doesn't know that i'm watching. The place was getting rather crowded at 11+. No hooligans so far. Its still a place i know its peaceful. I watched my Pint emptied. 11.30pm. Shit i better go back. Last train might be coming. Here comes the challenge haha.

Walking from Esplanade to the MRT isn't an easy task for my condition. But I could still walk fast and straight. Nice. Thats how i got back. Feeling like a cloud floating around. I remembered what my Friend W said," its stupid to drink until you puke. Its so wasteful" Haha so i didn't. I want to know how far i can go before knocking out. Today is a 2 cup day.

Oh if anyone out there is an expert in pubbing, could you please tell me which drinks are nice and strong? I don't want to order something and the taste just blow me away haha. Not the tomato please. :). I don't mind the burning feeling hee just no cheezy taste. Oh it needs to be economical as well hee. I'm not a rich bastard. I wonder what will happen if i order a cocktail. I think I might be viewed as a lady haha. Those cups doesn't suit guys, so don't recommend those.

Alright today's blog is toooooo long. Another day. I must remember to translate the song and perhaps type my memories. :)

18/11/04

First day of my holiday. Things happen in the wrong direction. I think I'll start off with the happy things. I started watching Winter Sonata. The scenery is just so beautiful. I once told my friend that the actress in Winter Sonata doesn't look nice.... I think i have to take back my words. I actually gave that comment because the actress was in short hair when i saw her. Doesn't suit her i think. But then, in the first few episodes of the show, she was having long hair. Well, its true that hair alter 70% of a person's image portrayed to other people. Researchers also pointed out that women with long hair appeal more to guys. I wonder how true is that. Hee, its up to you.

Now for the unhappy thing. I accidently blurt out to my mum that i lend some money to a friend, and she started telling me off. Things started to snowball and it became a quarrel in the end. I am really disappointed about how her thinking about money is. Why must one view money as such an important thing. It is true that it is hard to get the money back after you lend it to someone, but since that person is in need, why not? And most of all, I earn that money because the person who borrowed money from me gave me the chance to earn that money. This is to repay the favor back to him.

Money is something that you don't bring into grave. It is created by human beings as a basis of exchange for goods and services. Is money the most important thing in life? Or is having enough enough? When one lives in poverty, can that person be contented to live that kind of life? She said," you must hug you money tight. since you are entitled the money, why give others? And since you are always not willing to spend money, why give it to others?" Her views and my views are different. And one funny afterthought is that, since the money is already loan out, would quarrel bring those money back instantly?

People say that guys could generally only be troubled by 2 things. One is Money, the other is Women. Hmm I wonder whats for girls? My mum is quite an interesting character because she seems to think more like a man. Ops.

In this quarrel, I am surprised that I am going all out to defend my position. I have read that guys are lousy in arguments, especially verbal ones (brain structure), but i have tried to prove it wrong. It has been more than 6-7 yrs since she last scolded me. I am very very surprised that I actually rebutted her. She must be shocked by my response also. One general information to all people out there, during an argument, please take note of your heart beat. As one's heart beat rises, you will start to make no sense in what you are talking and would more likely use words to attack the person rather than discussing about the matter. I nearly fell into that trap, but i know.... she didn't. She scolded me "stupid", I told her," don't call me stupid"

Because of this quarrel, I'm still having a cold war with my mum now. I feel really terrible, and angry too. She feels angry with me.... but..... that money is my money and that guy helped me earn that money, why be angry? Maybe she think that i'm stupid..... my father is not spared as well," your dad is stupid, you are worst" Sigh.... If all people know what not to do during quarrels, then things would be nicer eh. I went for a jog to cool myself down. I feel like drinking, but... I don't know. I should drink only when i'm happy, not when i'm sad. But its more usual to drink when sad. Any takers? I'm blank now. I am free till next wed when i'll start teaching in Poiching again.

And... because of this quarrel, my composing today took a turn in its purpose. I was suppose to compose for a tuba duet for my friend and me to play for a concert (hopefully). In the end, I composed a song to mark this day where I actually quarrelled with my mum. In the past, Words fly one way (from my mum to me). Today, words fight. fun?... no. I couldn't quarrel. In the end, I usually end up in slight tears. What a wimp. But I call myself emotional :)

So... if anyone wants to hear my latest composing, you might just wanna ask me, and i'll send. Not fantastic but its called ," Despair with Hope". I think the middle section of that song is a cock (means rubbish). Haha you'll know when you hear. Oh ya, I took about 5 hrs to compose this song hee Midi format

Slice of Life

"Turning Pain into Blessings (Part 2)

In this programme, we continue to look at how we can learn from our painful experiences to create a better future.

One of the hardest things to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. But it is probably the biggest step to take on your path to recovery and improvement. Grudges, unresolved disputes and hatred all conspire to ensure that your future is forever overcast with dark feelings and thoughts.

So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with the pain of the past. Not only do you need to forgive the offender, you also need to forgive the people who didn't help you the way you expected, the people who helped in the wrong way, and the people who unwittingly made things worse by careless comments or actions.
Next, logically, you must forgive yourself. Blaming yourself for mistakes in the past is one of the most self-destructive things you can do. All this forgiving seems tough, almost impossible you think, but do you remember about seeking out the gifts in your pain we discussed in the last programme? That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have cause to be angry with anyone. Whatever they did, whatever you did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.

One of the benefits of dealing with your past pain mindfully instead of stuffing your emotions is that you won't have to repeat that lesson. Your awareness has evolved to a higher level. Pain and misfortune is a part of life. You cannot escape it. But with your new outlook, you are now open to learning your life lessons with much less pain while receiving more gifts.

The past does not define us. Each new day, you have the power to re-create yourself. It is important to understand though, that our past affects where we are starting today, and it can help us understand our current journey.

So reclaim the blessings hidden in the pain of the past and look forward to a brighter tomorrow."

Erm, I just killed a mosquito that bit me while i'm typing this. Another day.

17/11/04

A mixed feeling inside again. Its not the first time. Exams over and I am sad and happy. I am happy that all those torturing days are over again. I am sad that I feel empty inside again. Maybe its the "vomiting" effect during exams. We attend school to fill ourselves up to the brim, and pour everything out during exams. I wonder when is human crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. Erm Digress haha.

Finally finish the law paper. Felt good after the paper because you won't know whether the things you write is correct or not. But the first thing i found out after the paper is that I missed out part of an answer in a question. I accepted this omission because i know I couldn't think of it during the exam. And everything is finally over. The end of the examination tale. hee

My dog on the menace again. She got Diarrhoea. And this morning, she went to the wrong place to do her big business. The first thing that my mum saw was the mess, terrible mess. When she turned around, getting ready to scold Mei Mei..... guess what. Disappeared. Went into hiding mode hahaa. Dogs can know what will happen when they do the wrong thing. But in the end, she got scolded. After that, my mum asked her," Hows your stomach? Pain pain?"

Oh Oh I got to plan for my holidays already. Lets see...... PS2 games, Westwinds (Name of a Symphonic band), PoiChing Band (I'm an assistant instructor there), Korean show (Winter Sonata), HongKong Series, Composing for a tuba duet (tuba and euphonium), exercise (get ready for next sem). I'll put in more when ideas come to my mind. Hmm not a really empty holiday eh. hee Oh yes! One more, KTV sessions!! haha.

Slice of Life

"Turning Pain into Blessings (Part 1)

At times of emotional pain, do you often hear people telling you that the best thing to do is to get over it and move on? That in order to embrace the future, you have to bury the past?

Well, I'm sure it was well-meant advice, but moving forward from pain takes more than just forgetting and forgiving. Moving forward is learning from your pain, your mistakes and your past to create a better future. It's self-improvement, while moving on, is simply self-preservation.

Simply denying the pain will probably lead to the same mistakes being repeated, the same lies being told, the same cycle of hypocrisy and despair.

There are a few important things to remember if you truly want to move forward from your pain and create a better future.

First, accept that everything in the past happened for a purpose. You can emerge either defeated or stronger from every painful experience. We all have that choice. The person you are today is the result of your past experiences, and in those experiences, no matter how horrible, lies the key to you becoming a better person.
Great gifts do not shine forth brightly under the grime of pain, but they are there. Until you can seek out and embrace the gifts hidden in those times of despair, you'll never be able to fully let go of the negative emotions surrounding them. Suppressing the hurt, denying the pain, simply gives them more power.Join me in the next programme, when I'll share more ways to confront your grief, find the gifts in them, and move forward with faith and conviction."

Some Thoughts

I came up with some wierd thoughts this after during my bus ride home after the exam. I guess we all know that our five sense are, Sight, Smell, Touch, Hearing, and Taste. The question is, if you are to only keep one of the five senses, which one would you want to keep? Or should I say, if one day, you are slowly losing your senses one by one, which one would be the last one you hope to lose.

For me, I would want to keep my sense of hearing. It would be the most precious sense to me. I would want to hear the most beautiful melody of life. It is mostly through hearing that things touch our hearts. The things we hear can shape our thinking, can enhance ideas that we want to bring forward to people. For example, in movies, music plays a big part of the show. It creates intensity, it creates romance, it creates fear, it creates happiness. In an event where all else is gone, a voice from a familiar person can rally one's fighting spirit against terminal illness. I say the greatest thing is our sense of hearing.

One of the greatest musician in history, Beethovan, lost his hearing at his middle age. It is one of the saddest thing for a musician. His angish, his helplessness could be heard in his Moonlight Sonata. I recommend the song to all my friends.

Another day :)

16/11/04

Well well, Thankz to Andrew and the anonymous person. You guys really shine my day. Andrew has always been a good buddy to me. I know him for about.... hmm.. alamak (means on my god), i can't count. I know him since jc days. Then we were in the same Company during army days. And now, we are studying in the same university. Its really nice to have him as a friend.

He is someone who can take away your worries. He is someone who shares your worries. He is someone who can talk cock with. He is sporty. He is friendly. He is intelligent. He is very eloquent. One best thing...... Humourous!! I am not bluffing. He is really someone you can trust. I enjoyed the days where we studied in a macdonald, laughing at the BLACK SCHOLES model (we gave it another name), and also a joke about the SK 2 commercial ad. Too bad we are in different courses. We'll meet again during the holidays to talk cock (means talk rubbish, not the ....) again hee.

Why would I always need to explain the phrase "talk cock"? This is because I once said this phrase to an oversea friend and She....... *laff*laff*laff* (online). Did she fell off the chair? I wonder, but not surprise.

Oh let me just put the slice of life first

SLice of Life

"Those We Love the Best

It's been said that it's often the ones we love whom we hurt the most. Paradoxical, but plausible, given how easy it is to hurt our loved ones.

We are often gracious, tolerant and accommodating towards casual friends and acquaintances, even people we hardly know. That could be because we want to maintain a positive impression, in view of possible future collaboration or aid. It also could be because we don't wish to appear boorish, or because we are fearful of negative reactions.

Our loved ones though, are often not so fortunate. Because we are certain of their love for us, we tend to abuse that love and take it for granted.

We may do selfish things that bring them distress or use harsh language when we're upset because we know that they will probably bear it and forgive us. Or we may not express our love enough or spend little quality time with our loved ones because we assume that they'll always be there.

But our loved ones feel pain and neglect as keenly as any one of our friends and colleagues. Even more so, since it is someone they love who is dealing out such thoughtless afflictions. And like everyone else, they may not be around for the rest of our lives.

This is a poem written by an unknown author, about the disturbing reality of how we treat the ones we love.
They say the world is round,Yet I often think it's square,So many little hurts we getFrom corners here and there;

But there's one truth in life I've foundWhile journeying East and West,The only folks we really woundAre those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,We please the fleeting guest,And deal full many a thoughtless blowTo those we love the best. "

This slice of life is just sooooo true. It just tells us not to take anyone for granted. Be sensitive ok? hee

News

This is for Singaporeans. Starting from 1st April 2005, a person will be liable for excessive downloading of movies, songs, softwares, and games, either for personal use or for any commercial purpose, under criminal law. The amount liable would depend on the market value of the things downloaded. For details, ...... I donno paragraph what of which act loh haha. I am taking Company Law paper tomorrow, so i must practice typing some law things hee.

Diary

Hey I have discovered my new love..... Jay Jay, Lin Jun Jie. I just bought his cd today. After I had my breakfast with my mum, we saw this small cd booth with cds of economic prices. I remembered someone sang a song called Jiang1 Nan2 during the Ktv session on last sat, so I bought his Cd hee. Its an Mtv Cd, so i can practice singing with the words too!! hee. That is so exciting. I find his voice stylo, with a special timbre that you won't find in other singers.

So, i was listening to the songs as i was studying. whether you believe it or not, I read 6 past yr exam papers for company law, and I discovered that the things they asked are not as in depth into the technical aspects of law. What they asked is about the law basics with a heavy emphasis on the application and analysis of law. Spent 6 days writing the technical parts of everything, and suddenly I felt that I might cause my own downfall haha. Too many words in one page isn't good. Those who saw my pieces of martial arts manual will know. Its like words for ants (I am exaggerating again :)

okok Its 11pm now. I better stop. I need to rest for tomorrow. Or else i'm gonna make stupid mistakes and you guys have to bear with my complaints again. Hmmm i seems to be detecting a mosquito in my room. I hope i can get it out before it takes me out haha. So long.

15/11/04

Good day blog reader :)

Hmm wheres the slice of life? They didn't send me!! ops. I think i know why, its Public Holiday.... maybe. So.... we shall have a boring blog today. I finally compiled all the information I need for company law into pieces of paper that i call the martial arts manual. Its sooooooo thick. I thought I was suppose to condense and write down the most important things, but it seems like there are so many things to remember. No wonder lawyers are paid so much.

I was watching television this morning, and I saw a show regarding Yan Cheng Xu's new album. Wow, I like that song. Its just soooo nice. I'm gonna say that it relates to me 100% hee. The title? Yi4 Gong1 Chi3. The story behind it? You find out yourself. The MTV is just.......... *eyes swell*.

Oh ya.... I haven't told you guys about Naruto (Japanese anime). Its a great anime. After watching it, you can feel the determination, fighting spirit, and power that just flow out of your body. That never-say-die attitude is something we need to learn. Erm only applies to some aspects of life heee. If you never-say-die to everything, I think you might get yourself into trouble.

In case you are wondering, why I can type everyday, and why I type so many things everytime..... I tell you..... I don't know. I can say so many things by typing but i can't say so much using my voice. I'll rather sing my words than to say my words. I'll rather sound my mood on my euphonium than to say my troubles. What an Ass I am haha. Generally speaking, erm researchers say that guys are not as good in the verbal aspect as compare to girls. This is because girls are more connected in their left and right brain. We guys lack the substance that connects our left and right brain. Erm.... I wonder if its blood vassels. I forgotten but its true. Hey ladies, don't complain too much about men's verbal abilities ok? Its natural hee.

But but i need to say something is that, what i say above applies to guys GENERALLY, not TOTALLy hee. So there are guys with good mouth (too blunt haha).

Hmm I'm pretty curious about the popularity of my blog (ego). So.... heres my request :). If you happen to visit this blog by accident or as a routine, would you mind just post a little "hi" in the comments? Just remain anonymous, its ok. If you wanna say good thing about me, you can put in your name. If you wanna say bad things about me, please stay anonymous haha, because I might wack you (kidding, but i'm serious.... erm which?).

Thats all today... hmm pretty short. What to do? THeres no slice of life today..... how about SLice my Life? Lame right? Then please laugh. haaaaa haaaa haa (faint)

14/11/04

After one day of enjoyment, today proves to be worst than torture. Why would there be so many things in lecture 9 and 10 of company law? Ponder. This morning, I woke up from a slight hangover. Should I say I'm useless? haha One sip one sip only. Less than 5 ml. But I enjoy the feeling of a slight blurness after slight drinking. I think it helps me to destroy the front that I put up when I talk to my friends. My talk rubbish syndrome will emerge yeah!. Don't believe me? Try me haha. You might pulk at the things i say.

Ah dinner was fun. Hee I ate dinner with my parents at a coffee shop near my home. Ahhhh it was so crowded. Perhaps its holiday, thats why. We waited half an hr before our first dish came. We ordered a claypot fish head!! Nice yummy. Until..... my dad dug out the fish's eye.... omg. "this is heaven's delicacy", he said. I gave him a one eye big, one eye small look. "where is the eye ball?", my mum asked. I gave her yet another one eye big, one eye small look. Eeks i said. My dad dug into the eye for the eye ball...... I couldn't stand the sight. "Have mercy on the fish!", I said. *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*.

They started to talk about those wild wild delicacies some people eat. What monkey brain, dog meat, fried ants, scorpions........ my face nearly crammed. My mum!!!! she seems to be enjoying looking at my twisted face. She couldn't stop saying those things. My last resort," I might just become vegetarian one day" Haha. I told them I would never eat those things. However, they said something that struck my thinking. "When you have nothing to eat one day, you might have to eat anything that comes in your way. That includes drinking blood from rats or even tree bark." My dad agreed and added a joke to it," you can also show off to other people that you ate those things" Ah I can't haha.

Ohoh I forgotten to said some things about yesterday's outing hee. There ladies who were there at the ktv sang many songs by SHE (A pop group). And, I was wonder," wah! sound like the real ones". This is true. I thought the real SHE was there haha. Kudos to those who sang the songs.

Ya, and I blew many many balloons yesterday for decoration. I can feel my diaphram aching after all those balloons. Then it knocked my head and tell me that I haven't been practicing my euphonium!! haha getting lousy on my blowing skills (think straight!). But one advice for Brass instrument players, its really a good way to train your air by blowing balloons.

This is the idea that I came up with after yesterday's balloon blowing session. Go buy 1 pack of ballons, take 5 minutes and blow as many as possible, rest, and take another 5 minutes to blow as many as possible. This exercise will train up strength. Next exercise is to breathe in to your maximum capacity, and blow one balloon using one breathe. Try to get it as big as possible. This will increase your air capacity in your body. Next exercise, take one balloon and blow it using a constant stream of air. Try to increase the size of the balloon in a constant manner. This increases your ability to control air flow. I always come up with funny ways to train. I guarantee you that you will be a super musician after all this exercise. do it once a day, enough.

Thats all for today. Lets see if i can type more rubbish another day.

13/11/04

Today is one of the most happening day in this 6 months. Full of activities and fun events. I couldn't remember when was the last time i enjoyed myself so much. Fun fun fun. Today I have alot of things to say. What can i say first hmmm. Oh ya, its weekend, so there won't be slice of life as well. I'll fill this posting with my stuffs... yeah!

My Mei (godsister) celebrated her 21st Birthday today. She invited about 16 of her friends to Kbox (karaoke) in Cineleisure. It was a break through for me to be one of the earliest there. I actually dare to go there to meet her friends who i don't know originally. Actually at the end of the session, I still don't know most of her friends haha. In my mind," I'm starting to open myself up to meet new people and make new friends, yeah!". But no... hahaa, I'm still as quiet as a rock. I think my face presents a very hostile look. Can't change that loh, thick eye brows, dull look, sullen face, haha. oh oh nearly forgotten, I would like to congratulate her for her attachment.... cheers!!

But when my friend, S, came, I started to brighten up. I became quite crazy actually hee. Argh and that sip of that wine... don't know whats the name though. Haha Its tasted damn damn nice, but I started to go haywire just after one sip. Can't drink for sure. I'm still having headache while typing this. I must train myself to hold liquor, or else... I might fall into traps!! hahaa.

Hey I am starting to like KTV. Omg, although my voice isn't that good, I feel good when I sing. Thats amazing heee the flowing of feelings when I sing. Many songs relates to me, maybe thats why. There is this song called sung by Jay chou and another lady (I don't know the name). I started to think about this song because a couple sang it today. Someone introduced this song into my life, and left my life subsequently. This song... embedded a deep meaning in me. haha actually I feel that we sang better than them... don't tell them haha. I decided to translate the meaning of the song into English. Heres that,

Wu Ding (roof top)

Guy: Can't sleep at night, humming feelings into melody, could only try to find another dream on the roof top.

Girl: Awoken from dream, I couldn't confirm, why would there be a melody on the opposite roof, I close the door lightly, bringing hopes up to the roof, isn't that man on the opposite block the one i saw in my dreams?

Guy: Isn't that girl the vague figure that i saw in my dreams? Our mind thinks the same.

Both: Use antenna to shape out a love for you

Both: Singing your song on the roof, being with my love one on the roof, allow the stars to decorate the sky into the most romantic night

Both: Embrace this moment, every minute every second hold still, Love begans to form.

Both: Singing your song on the roof, being with my love one on the roof, dedicate the night to the lonely moon

Both: Embrace this moment, every minute every second hold still, Love starts to form

Both: Dream is well because of you.

Girl: who makes you love me Guy: You~~

Girl: who makes me love you Guy: Me~~

Both: why would there be melody surrounding us?

Girl: who makes you love me Guy: You~~

Girl: Who makes me love you Guy: Me~~

Both: The roof has a beautiful unexpected meetings

This is a very nice song. How I wish there would be a person singing this with me. Nah... dream on heee.

After the ktv session, I went to watch Shark Tale!! Laugh laugh laugh laugh. And one thing..... I really laught very LOUD!! hahaa I don't care... i need to laugh. But I'm still having headache during the show haha. Fishes really intrigues me. But there are life lessons to learn from the show also. I won't preach here. Its for you to discover hee.

After I got home, its the most awaited Summer scent again heee. I've always like to watch it. Maybe its because you won't find those love situations in real life, thus the story lines seems to be something that everyone would like to find. Well, not the bad ones of course. Most of it are beautiful. Simply that. In real life, people are just not so simple in the hearts. bad bad. Where to find simple life? yeah the Shark Tale talks about simple life as well. Living as a low being isn't a bad thing hee. Good nites my friends

12/11/04

I have plan out what i'm going to type today. Its gonna be a long one, so behold! haha. Firstly I'm gonna say, alas! a break from books tomorrow. Because I'm going to attend a birthday party tomorrow, and I have kindly excuse myself from books tomorrow. Really.... Finally.... after 4 days of books marathon hee. I'm going to see how it feels to go to ktv with a big group of friends, never try that before. And... I don't know most of the people haha.

Ah I'm going to be an educator of games today heee. For my friends who read this, you will learn about the terminology of the categories of games. Previously, I have also posted something regarding the danger of getting aggressive after playing games, but today, I'm going to post the benefits of playing games.

Games

First of all, the categories of games. Well let me list them out first. There are Fighting, Role-playing (rpg), shooting, puzzle, sports, driving, strategy, adventure, and many other small categories.

Fighting- where two person just fight their hearts out

Role-playing- where you take on a role and explore the story. You need to spend time levelling chracters. Will be directed to another screen for battles.

Shooting- Planes shoot shoot. dodge bullets.

puzzle- triggers your brain, needs alot of thinking

sports- needs no explaination, sports loh

Driving- mostly racing here

strategy- requires planning and sometimes building a kingdom. War games and turn based games falls in this category.

Adventure- control a character but is different from RPG in the way they engage in fighting.

I guess thats about those categories. If you are those who likes excitement, you might want to try shooting, driving or even puzzle games. These kind of games allow you to practice your reactions and increase your spatial skills. Since the consoles (game sets) are so advance, most games would be in 3 Dimension, so its really like the real thing when you are playing the games. For example, driving games are so realistic that you would feel like you are actually driving it yourself, except you are using a controller to control the vehicle.

If you like story, you will like RPG games. Some are really very nice, like the Final Fantasy series. Square Soft (creator of FF series) really does a very good job in creating nice stories, superb battling system, innovative levelling system, heart warming sound tracks, and "living" characters. These games will let you immerse into the virtual world and feel what is really in that world.

Strategy games are for those who likes planning, building and having pride in what you do. These games need quite a level of thinking and foreseeing future events in the game. Computer (the enemies in the games) are quite dumb actually, if you can grasp their pattern, you will be able to win no matter what.

No one knows how games can be soooo attractive to guys. Girls usually wonder what is in those games that can hypnotize guys haha. Actually it has to do with the innate nature of guys. We are often interested in things that will challenge our spatial and thinking skills. I didn't say that. Researchers say that. In the prehistoric time, men already started to find activities to challenge themselves. After all day of hunting, they would sit in a round circle of fire and challenge one another in all sorts of activities.

Today, men no longer need to hunt anymore, we got so much energy, therefore we need a place to work our spatial skills. If not, we might just rot haha. Actually playing games allow you to train different aspects in a human. For example, alertness, quick response, planning skills, finger dexterity, linguistic skills (from rpg), creativity. We are living in a world where there are little chance to train those attributes. Let games do their magic!! :)

Slice of Life

"Self Esteem (Part 5)

Instead of preoccupying ourselves with what's wrong with us, why not preoccupy ourselves with what's wonderful about the world? There's much more to life than counting calories, worrying about our cellulite accumulation, and agonising over our bank accounts, our thinning hair, our cheap wardrobes.

Sometimes, the options seem frightfully limited because we've allowed ourselves to believe that the world is this small box we live in. The world is a fascinating place, brimming with interesting people, undiscovered treasures, new tastes and experiences, and little miracles. Constantly learn about the world around you, and you'll find the experience endlessly rewarding.

In addition to having a healthy state of mind, a healthy sense of self-esteem also requires a healthy body. You don't have to become a health freak or a fitness fanatic; being health-conscious doesn't mean restricting yourself to the point where you deny yourself little indulgences and worry constantly about your muscle tone. Life was not meant to be spent assessing sodium and fat content.

Slow down your pace. Know when you should be working on overdrive, and when you deserve a break. If you devote yourself entirely to work for an extended period of time, neglecting yourself, friends and family, life can quickly become meaningless.

One can also get caught up in trying to meet the idealistic and perfectionist demands of society. This means struggling constantly to be the person society wants you to be and running away from the person you are. Get off the treadmill and realise that you are good enough, you are deserving of happiness, you are capable, and you are lovable.

Society is not always right, so don't allow it to dictate who you should be. You know yourself best, so find out what works for you, what makes you happy, and follow your heart. Don't let society tell you that you're a misfit, an outcast, an anomaly. You may be made to feel like a square trying to fit into the social circle, but realise that there are people out there who understand you, and will love you for who you are."

Self Esteem vs Self Efficacy

I think the Self Esteem series has ended. I promised to add in something during my last posting hee, and here I am. Well, after we know what self esteem is, and how we can improve them, there is another aspect that is important as well, that is Self Efficacy. People usually have a problem in differentiating both of them, and what are the ways to improve the different aspect.

We have already learnt that self esteem is actually a personal selfworth. Self Efficacy is actually one's belief that he can fulfill a task successfully given the amount of effort he put in. So here, one is a internal feeling, the other is actually a believe leading to action. Self esteem can be built by believing in yourself, but self efficacy cannot be increased by just believing in yourself. You need something more.

For one to be able to complete a task well, we need to have the skills, knowledge and ability to do it. Therefore, to increase our self efficacy, we need actually to do things, rather than just think about things. It is often that you would need another person to help you in this aspect. An educational school of thought founded by Vygotsky says that if a person is put to complete a task that is out of his Zone of Proximal Development, that person would require scaffolding from another person. This means that if a task is seen to be too difficult to complete by a person, he would need someone to help him, guide him on. We can't just throw what ever task to a person and just ask him to complete it himself.

There are actually a few different aspects in self efficacy. Firstly its the skills and knowledge that he needs, next is that those skills will lead him to perform the way he should perform, and lastly the outcome that has resulted from that action. If all the aspects can be predicted by the person, then he would have a high efficacy.

From this, we can see that after we have self esteem, we would also need self efficacy to transform a belief into actions and fulfill that action.

Ops blog toooo long. Next time.

11/11/04

As usual, books, books, books argh. Finally half the module completed. 3 more days of such life. and 1 day of turmoil on next wed, and pain will be over soon. Today I have started to play another RPG (role playing game) on my PS2. I am starting to fantasize about my holiday life already. I have to plan the games and series that I want to complete during the holidays hee. Its just a short 1.5 months, so I want to make it as efficient as possible hee.

While I was studying, my mind started to wonder around again. My past started to float in front of me once more. What a pain, what a joy. I have this wild thoughts in my mind," Should I write a story in my blog?" I haven't have that answer yet. No time lah. haha. My language ability sux too. See how loh.

Its kinda confusing being a human actually. Have you guys think about this before? When we are busy, we complain that we don't have time. When we are free, we complain that we have nothing to do. When we have someone to care for, we complain that the person is pretty annoying. When we lose that person, we complain why isn't that person there now. I guess its hard for a human to be content. Therefore, I always urge people to look at what they have, and be contented with it. No point thinking too much about what you have lost and what you don't have. There are things you have where others don't.

Although I can say those things, but its hard for myself to think that way hee. Life.

Slice of Life

Self Esteem Part 4

"Stop judging and start accepting. You are not to blame for everything that goes wrong. Throw out the "should"s in your mind - "I should be skinnier", "I should be more good-looking", "I should be smarter", "I should be richer". You can aspire towards something, but don't let it become a pre-requisite for accepting yourself. Be happy with who you are and what you do.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good. But do it for yourself, not because you feel someone would prefer you some other way, or because you want to feel loved and accepted by others. There are however, some aspects of your appearance you can change, and others which you can't. Don't burden your peace of mind by fretting over the things you can't do anything about. Good looks are an asset, but they are by no means the most important thing.

What's more essential is how you treat other people, how you treat yourself, your other talents, your patience, your compassion, your ability to appreciate simple things and the contributions you make to family, friends, and society.

Self-esteem is how happy and satisfied you are with yourself and your life. So give your self-esteem a boost by realising how blessed you really are. It will be less easy for someone to hurt or upset you if you know just how many things you can be thankful for - a comfortable home, a loving family, good friends, the knowledge you've acquired… even simple things like your ability to pursue the hobbies you enjoy, the warmth of a fair day, a soft bed to sleep in, your ability to enjoy a good book or a good song, enough money to occasionally indulge yourself in little pleasures.

I'm sure if you take a moment to ponder, you'll find many other things that temper your life with richness and meaning. So, so what if you're not one of the more good-looking, wealthy, popular, or intelligent people around? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Every one of us has a gift for something. It may not always be clear to us, and it may not be something worthy of canonisation, but our gifts are strengths we should appreciate and develop. Capitalise on what you do well, be it your ability to make people laugh, your creativity, your affinity to animals, your ability to appreciate music, your leadership aptitude, your linguistic abilities, or your culinary skills. Let it be your source of inspiration."

Well kinda inspiring words from the Slice of Life isn't it? At the end of the Self Esteem series, I would have something to add on that would help my friends even further.

10/11/04

Hi people, I am starting to run out of things to type here haha. My days are just.... nothing to say. Well one sad thing is that my team didn't get into the loreal international business plan competition. I guess my team received this email saying that we are not selected. After all the hard work for answering the quiz is just wasted. It was a very TOUGH quiz.... erm only the last question is tough hee. Thirty over thousand people registered for it. No joke. Haha.

Slice of Life

"Self Esteem (Part 3)

One effective way to boost self-esteem is to constantly learn something. Be it a new hobby or a new word, a shortcut or a better way of doing something, take delight in acquiring knowledge you never had before. Money can always be taken away from you, but knowledge and skills are like treasures in an impenetrable safe.

If you start making an effort to learn something from every experience now, you'll soon feel more valuable and more viable. Mistakes will no longer be embarrassing or encumbering. Instead, you'll be glad for them, for they mean you've learnt something!

Be cheerful. Be "delight-ful". No one likes hanging around a grim-faced whiner. A cheerful disposition is both attractive and therapeutic. To get favourable, positive responses from the people around you, you have to be favourable and positive yourself.

However, beware of people who are incurably negative, sloppy, and un-motivated. You can try to influence them in a positive way, but take care not to get pulled down into the depths with them in the long run.

Everyone deserves acknowledgement for a job well done. It raises self-esteem and motivates the person to do even better next time. But people won't always give you the recognition you deserve. So reward yourself!

Be mindful of and discerning about the messages and images presented in the media. Much of the advertising that exists today is designed specially to make you afraid, or feel lousy about yourself. We have to understand that the objective of advertisers is to make us buy their products, so they can be relentless in trying to instill dissatisfaction, envy, and desire in us.

The realities being presented in the media are often fabricated, limited, and one-dimensional. Even so-called "reality TV" is directed, acted, and edited. What we see and hear is the result of much pre-meditation and post-production. That's why movies last only about two to three hours.

Let's face it, no one's going to pay seven bucks to see Kate and Leopold quarrel during their honeymoon, discover each others' filthy habits, find out that Kate really doesn't look that good every morning, and that Leopold is secretly using drugs.

People seem to be more comfortable with this: Kiss, make up, cue sentimental music, pan up towards a perfectly blue sky, roll credits and play new Number One hit by impossibly thin diva.

But that is by no means the real picture. So never measure yourself against what the media portrays."

I want to watch shark tale so that i can laugh. Haven't been making myself laugh these few days. Feel like a zombie now. And my eyes like panda. Have been sleeping late. Any happening events or things that you might be able to suggest that I can do? 1 week left to my last paper. Most difficult one.