31/10/04 10pm

Today is the last day for my general revision. Tomorrow, I will start my focus revision strategy. Monday on research method revision, Tuesday Research Method exam, Wed Accounting 2 revision, Thursday Accounting 2 exam, Friday on Derivative securities, Saturday Derivative securities exam. Hopefully my strategy works.

Anyway, I spent 4 hrs studying only. The rest of the time, i devoted myself to games again. My mind just couldn't stand looking at the formulas and theories behind those investment instruments. I'm gonna leave all those to luck, and I hope that i am a lucky star.

After playing so much games, one theory struck my mind again. Well i guess its good for you guys to know as well. Researchers found that people who play games for a long time would be easily annoyed by other peoples' questions or actions. This is due to the reduction in the Alpha or Beta waves (can't remember which wave) in our brain. In other words, playing too much games reduces the wave, and will cause the person to behave "violently". So, if you find that you are easily annoyed after playing games, you are facing with this situation.

This is to provide people an insight about how gamers behave. If you are pissed by a gamer, just think that the game is having an effect on him/her. And for gamers, try to control your mood after you played some games.

Why do I say so much about that? It seems like someone actually pissed me off today. Maybe i played too much games which makes me easy to get annoyed by little things. But then, I would still wanna describe the situation briefly.

How do you guys view courtesy? Is it important for people to be courteous when they are dealing with people online? When one starts to communication to another online, are there some sort of codes that people follow? Well I think online chatting behavior is no different from face to face chatting. It still need some sort of introduction, content, and then closure. At least thats how i view it. How would you feel if someone left out the closure part?

Let me try to give a clearer picture. Two parties started of with an introduction, and chatted heavily on the contents. However, the other party disappeared after a while when the dialogue is "dorment" for a few minutes. The effect is greater if the chatted contents have a request-for-assistance nature.

Truly speaking, I don't find these behaviors in my international friends. Does that mean that is something lacking in the local context? Has the fast-pace lifestyle and the utilitarian educational system created some humanitarian(i don't know if theres such a word) deficiencies?

The situation mentioned occurred to me more than one time with different parties. I have actually thought about it and I would agree that other extraneous factors might come into the picture that affects the situation. I could also attribute this kind of situation internally by saying that I have a rather wierd behavior when it comes to inter personal management. Somehow, the way i talk to my friends might make my friends not feel like friends (you confused?). Hmm what kind of way am i talking about? I think i don't know how to describe. Perhaps from the way i type this, you might see my underlying behavior.

Maybe I am just too sensitive to small details that is really insignificant. I deemed myself to be one of the Wierdos that are highly sensitive. Perhaps I should be normal and behavior like those people who are not so tactful with things. I might be able to make more friends that way? Hee. Its time for my favourite laughing show- Zhong4 Yi4 Da4 Ge1 Da4

Till next time... adios.

31/10/04 12am

Ah... the title says 31/10/04 because its 12am now, so this posting is actually for 30/10/04. I could only type this after i finish watching one of my favourite korean show. Although some people find korean show scenes very slow, but this actually brings out all the expression and emotions of the actors/actress. Anyway hee I am not advertising for korean show.

Diary

Today theres no Slice of Life, because i didn't listen to 93.8FM today. I woke up in the morning at 8.30am, trying to get myself into the momentum of studying, but I find myself playing games until 12pm. I would really highly recommend the games i played. You can find them in www.popcap.com, and the games are free! ..... for trial hee. Bejeweled, Rocket Mania, and Zuma are great games!

My nose didn't behave itself today. It has been blocked for 1 week already. The medicine didn't do its magic on my nose. I wonder how can I concentrate on my study like that. 3 more days will be the start of hell for me. Nose O nose, please be nice to me....... Stop Leaking and Blocking LIKE HELL haaa. Anyway I didn't manage to finish what i wanted to finish studying today, so i'll bring forward to tomorrow. Hee, I'm still ahead of schedule, which is good. But.... I might have studied but how much i remember would be another thing.

Saturday is a day for my band practice. I am proudly a member of the WestWind. It is actually a Wind Band that is based in Bukit Batok Community Centre. I always look forward for saturdays because I can see my "wife" again. She is my Euphonium. Kinda pathetic isn't it? Having a non-living thing as my wife. But then.... you must believe that She is "alive", then you would be able to communication well using your instrument. It is the expressing that is important when playing music.

Anyway today is so tiring on my lips. Kissing my wife tooooo much hahhaa. Nah its just a joke. I know you guys don't know much about Wind band pieces, but just let me complain a bit. World renowned composer, Philip Sparke composed this piece called Fiesta for Wind band. I can't stand the Eupho part. Gives me total lips exercise for high range notes. Tempo at Crotchet = 160, and running at "screaming" notes haha. I don't practice everyday, so I am struggling with those parts. But... his pieces are sooooo nice.

Hey, somehow the sadness inside me seems to be away from me during this period of intense stress. Hee does stress get rid of sadness? Perhaps my sadness is taking a nice holiday somewhere in sunway lagoon haha. Hope it doesn't come back.

Anyway there is another thought that comes into my mind after my Mother made a statement regarding relationships. She said," if you want to find a partner, find someone who loves you. If you find someone who you love, then its really very tough". Hmm, here comes the thought of whether you find someone you loves, or find someone who loves you. Which way is the one? Or is it better to love the person who loves you. I guess theres no sequence to which one comes first. At the end of the day, it takes 2 hands to clap. If you don't love the other person then just be frank right? Its hard to live with someone who love you but you don't love the person, although some people are like that. Well, heee something to think about.

Stay tune for more new insight of Lawrence's musical journey... lala

29/10/04

Greetings, blog reader.

Today is my last class in school before exams. My first paper is on next Tuesday. Kinda panicked because exams always give me a feeling of uncertainty. No matter how much you study, there seems to be a luck element that affects everything. Lets not talk about that today. I would like to dedicate my blog today to my dog. So the main bulk will be about my dog! Hee. But lets start with a Slice of life.

Slice of Life

“People often face misfortunes and difficult situations. They tend to think negatively about the experiences. They apply blaming, either internally or externally. This can also be applied to those nasty people who they meet. Bad experiences are a pain to us.

Instead of thinking negatively, why not think about the lessons we can learn from those experiences. We can always treat misfortunes as a test we have to face in life. Life is not always smooth sailing. We thrive on crisis. If we can continually think of what we can learn, we would accept things that come in our way and build on our life experience. When facing with nasty people, it is the same. There are always things that they know and we don’t. Or, there are actions done by them that we should not follow. Learning from experience can always take over blaming and negative thoughts.”

My Dog –Meimei

Lets now talk about my dog. She is a 6 yrs old white Maltese. I think she has been in my family for 5 yrs. For those who have me in their MSN would know how she looks like. As what my friend F said,” she looks like a mouse”. I wonder who has the same sentiments as him hee.

Her behavior is really very unique. We don’t give her any proper training because my father wants her to behave like a natural dog. Indeed, she behaved not like a trained dog, but what do you know….. she is like a normal human with emotions. I’ll tell you more in a moment. The only thing she likes is….. food.

First, I’ll call her a human. She has emotions. When my mum is not at home, my father and I often provoked Meimei. We said something like this,” Where is mum? Very angry right!! Mum very bad, never let you eat” After that, we can see Meimei’s expression change. She would stare at the door, and sound a light “brrrrrrrr”. Her mouth would move in a way as though she is hesitant in saying what she wants to say. Kinda comical. Every time, we would do that to Meimei.

When my Father is not at home, Meimei would become very nice towards my mum. But when my Father is at home, she acts like she is the queen of the world. Here is one situation. Meimei usually sits on the sofa as though she is watching the tv with us. But she often takes up a big space on the sofa. So my mum would tell her,” excuse me, go there go there.” Meimei would go,”brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” and she would stare at my mum. Most of the time Meimei couldn’t win my mum, so she would reluctantly move away after a loud burst of “brrrrrrrrr”. I could only laugh.

Actually Meimei is really not very sociable. I guess its because we didn’t bring her out often enough. But she is really hostile towards those people who walk past my house. When she hears footsteps, she would run to the door and bark at the top of her voice. Sometimes she is just paranoid. My parents would open the door and ask her to go out and see who is there. She wouldn’t dare. Behind the gate, she is just so strong and brave. But when the gate is opened, she is a little mouse (like what F said). Even if my neighbor’s dog comes to my house, Meimei wouldn’t want to socialize with them. My parents conclusion is that, Meimei is a human that doesn’t like dog.

I guess that’s a very long dog tale for you. I don’t know if I would have time for blogging in the next few days, but I’ll try. Hee

28/10/04

Today is full of new knowledge as usual. I seem to be always writing about the things I have learnt. New knowledge always keeps me excited. Let me begin.

Slice of life

“Its is natural for one to be curious about things. A Journalist for example is one who benefits from asking ‘why’. However, people tend to over use the word ‘why’. It is more than often things that befall on someone do not have an explanation for its occurrence. These incidents could be a failure in relationships, death of a close person, etc.

Because these incidents do not have a good explanation, asking ‘why’ would put you in circles. Instead of asking ‘why’, why not ask ‘what’. The ‘what’ questions allows you to look into the future instead of dwelling in the past. For example, what can I do after this, what can I learn from this. This can be applying for all situations. Look into the future, rather than into the past.”

News

Reports show that more men in Singapore are going to Vietnam to look for wives. Well, not actually look for, but men actually buy wives. Singapore women’s concern is that, Vietnam ladies should not go into marriage just like that. Their argument is that the Vietnam ladies wouldn’t know whether they would be well treated or not. Selling love isn’t a good thing.

One point made by the reporter is that the agency taught the Vietnam ladies to learn to love the one they marry to and not to marry the person they love. This is quite an interesting thought here.

I wouldn’t want to comment much on this because I might get myself shot by those who I know. Some considerations are, why do more men does that? Should we just give men a break and let them choose how they want to find a wife? Why would the Vietnam women be willing to be enrolled into the agency? Are there any implications on Singapore women? Are Singapore women getting pickier? How would people know that such marriages wouldn’t be a happy one? Does the notion of marrying the one you love, or loving the one you marry appeal more to you?

Happy thinking

Diary

My accounting tutor gave a nice closing tutorial today. I could remember his words clearly. He said,” university is a place for you to study. But if at the end of the day, you can’t pick up the phone and call someone to talk to, then you have wasted your time. Who cares if you have a 1st class honors. If you can’t connect with people, you would have wasted your time. It is the university experience that is important.” I agree totally.

Now I would like to share my happiness. I got back another of my essay. Got a good grade although the process of doing it wasn’t that much of a happy thing. Half happy, half pissed. Anyway it’s over. Can’t believe my eyes when I saw the grade. Amazing.

I think I overheated my brain again today. Mugged in school from 8.30am to 12.00pm and from 2pm to 4.30pm. With little time left, I’ll have to just bare with it. Nothing much exciting happened today. I’ll end here perhaps.

27/10/04

Today is another interesting day for me. Yesterday, I was talked about opening myself up to my friends. Somehow, the things I experienced today supported that view. I don’t know if it’s coincident, or heaven is really telling me that I should change.

I listened to the radio when I was on my way to school. There is this program in 93.8FM called the “Slice of Life”. The person said something like this,

“In life, different people will board different trains to go towards a different destination. There are trains that go towards wealth, corporate ladder, adventurous experience, etc. As the train moves, the windows start to be clouded with different things. As one moves towards the destination, he might be unaware to how he has changed.

Regardless of how far you have gone, it still boils down to what is inside the heart when all else are gone. It is true because at the end of the day, you won’t take anything with you when you leave. The important thing lies within how you treat people. If you have created a wall during the journey, then you might miss out the goodness in life. Be receptive to others and learn to treat others truly. Learn to accept the differences between people.”

Well, I couldn’t reproduce what I have heard. I am not a recording machine, but that’s the main idea of what the person said. Really coincidence hmm.

Lets talk about something happy J. I received back my written essays for 2 of my modules. It’s a pleasant surprise. I am very satisfied with one of my essay, but slightly disappointed with the other (good grades though). But I have to be contented hee. I would like to share this happiness with all who read this blog.

Today is also the last tutorial session for my General Elective: Understanding Learning and Knowledge Construction. I have always liked the tutorial sessions because they are very interactive and entertaining. I would refer these tutorial sessions as mental therapy for me. There is this activity that required us to write on a piece of paper what gifts we would like to give to a friend if we are angels. The writer remained anonymous. Then these papers would be given back to the person. The writer would still remain unknown. It is kinda interesting to know what I have received. It goes something like this.

“May you always be like the sun shining brightly and become an extrovert. ‘A’ for exams J”

Again, as you can see, coincidence again? “Become an extrovert”. Sometimes things are just not explainable. This is not the only situation for me. There are others matters too. My good friend M would know it very well J.

As for the lesson, it ended as a sad parting session. This is one lesson and class that I truly feel connected to. I am very grateful to the tutor as well. I would recommend my Ntu friends to try a module from NIE (National Institute of Education). From there, you will see what is the difference in teaching styles. Being strong in academic alone does not get you anywhere. Proven.

26/10/04

Hi, this is my second posting. After a long thought, I have finally decided on the purpose of my blog. This blog will serve as my online diary. Therefore, I will make an effort to post every night on the happenings of my day. Hopefully I'll have new things to talk about everyday.

I have received feedback regarding my first posting. Thanks to Starfire :). I realised that I need to be very careful when using local (Singapore) phrases when posting. My international friends do not know what they mean. So, in future, I would put in brackets an explaination beside those "special" phrases used. Your feedback is very valuable to me :)

Let me now explain some of the local terms used in my previous posting.

Ntu- Nanyang Technological University
Talk cock- talk rubbish

One more thing is that, you guys can post comments to any of my postings. It doesn't need to be comments. It can be greetings, say hi to me, or say you are here at this time this day. Any. Of course real comments, whether negative or postive, can also be posted. One good thing is that you can remain anonymous. I would really appreciate any comments. For those who hate me in real life, this is a chance to wack me hard. I don't mind really. I want to know how I can improve myself. Say whatever you want. :)

Also, for all my friends mentioned in my blog, I would use alphabets to substitute the names. This is to keep complete confidentiality. :)

26/10/04

Alright here goes. It was a lazy day for me. I really dread leaving my comfortable bed. The weather was perfect for a chess game with Mr Zhou (chinese saying of sleeping). But i have to go to school.

I received my presentation grade today. I really thought it was a goner. I thought I would leave another scar in my results card again. But I survived. Come to think of it, I really look like a cock (look stupid) in the video on my presentation. I saw my unnatural self.

The tutor knew it. She said that it wasn't me who was presenting. I have put up an unnatural front. There was a wall between me and my audience. I did not have fluency in my speech. She even found out that I am afraid of being judged, and I control myself too much.

It is true. She is really great analyst of human behavior. Sometimes, I really wonder if she is a business communications tutor or a psychologist. I do find myself fall into 2 different characters at different times. I am really afraid of being judged by people. I am really bothered by how people think. It is my expectation of myself that led to a change in behavior when i am with my friends. However, for those who know me very well, like M, would know that I am not like that. I just feel that if i become more of myself, I might be too crazy hee.

She is also concerned that i might have problems when i go out into the business world. My expressionless and stern look might cause some misunderstand if i am not careful. I believe everything she said. She really helped me see myself more clearly. I see myself better now. I am really grateful to her.

I will change. I'll try. Its for my own good. I know. I just hope my friends could stand my natural self :).

After that lesson, I was back home after 2 hrs of bus ride. I couldn't fight the urge to fall into dreams. I took a short nap before going into my books again. Exams is coming next week but i'm still playing computer games and doing blog! haha. I need my friends to force me to study. Really. Friends are one of the best thing in life you can have. Errrr i mean those good ones :). I think this posting is really long. Nuff said for now. Dream time.

Intro of myself

This is my first posting. Can't believe it that i created this in the midst of exams. Perhaps i am too bored. Anyway i want to introduce myself here.

I am currently studying in ntu. Being a student there, theres only one word, mug mug mug. Oh thats three. haha. Anyway, there's really not much life as long as i am in ntu. So, most of the things i post here might just be the same old thing. Wake up, eat, study, eat, bath, study, eat, computer, sleep. Thats about it.

About my character hmm. I am just a serious guy, really serious. In terms of work, attitude, friends, anything. Perhaps too serious in a sense. Always equipped with this black face around. I tries to brighten myself. I do... don't doubt me. There is this module that i am doing that requires me to smile when i am doing this presentation. So, i practice in front of the mirror. The more i smile, i find myself smiling with a euphonium embrouchure. That is really OMG. The teacher actually found that my jaw is locked in. I told her its like that.

Oh ya, I haven't say about what s euphonium is. Well, its a musical instrument that belongs to the lower brass section in a Wind Band. This instrument got its name through a greek word, euphonia, which means "nice sounding". Its suppose to sound very mellow and soothing. Playing this instrument is really what i like to do. It brings out the inner emotions in me. It can "speak" my mind.

Hey don't get the wrong idea that i am those kind of black face, walking zombie, with "air" around me. I find myself kinda crappy and talk cock sometimes. I guess my character and behavior changes in different situations. Ntu makes me kinda stony and aggressive. Think about all the stress and pressure I face. I must admit, i cannot handle stress very well. And when things doesn't fall into place nicely, my behavior will change drastically.

I don't know what i have missed out, but its kinda late now. 11.10pm. Its time for me to sleep. Oh ya, one more thing is that i sleep rather early. I can't sleep late. It is a habit and also for health reasons. If i have missed out anything that you would like to know, I hope you can find them in the things that i post subsequently. You might be able to find funny information or theories that i come up with. You never know what you will find. Enjoy your stay here :)