30/11/05

Situation at client's place? Pleasant :). Finished most of the things... on my own!!! Ah, thats because of my good seniors who guided me step by step on how to deal with the work. But then, i must congratualate myself for drilling the process into my mind, and dealing with all kinds of situations that might arise because of the unique element in their system.

Wa kao.... one PO, many GRS. One GRS, many Projects. One project, many Fixed assets..... And I have to vouch from the beginning to the end..... now you know how many situations can arise? Not to mention, the presence of WIP. hmm... i'm lucky that I love Accounts. Or else..... faint big time.

How much soft skills do i need? Tonnes!! Luckily the one helping me at the company is friendly enough. She ah.... haa those will ganna bully one. (same as me?). Soft soft and then give a little of eiyo sound when numbers doesn't tally and she will have to find out why. Haaa.. i'm lucky. I managed to bug her for 1 + hr loh at her desk. But then.... she didn't find seat for me loh.... I had to squat.... sideways, not open in the middle. When I stood up, my whole leg shaking. Ops.

Remember I spoke about the unfriendly person? Well, she (auntie type and plumb....fat) is still not friendly today. I got to see her at the watercooler, and then i smiled and said "hi". Her face macham like owing people 1 million dollars loh. As dark and gloomy as the rainy sky, as straight and stern as a million years statue. Well, after refilling the water, I walk away of course, smiling at her awful face, without her seeing lah. Wa biang, where got people face so black one. The funny thing is..... she is not the one helping me!! Whats up man!!

I told my senior about it, and she said..... Team IC can't help... cuz she is not the one doing things for us. Well.... If I'm the manager there, I wouldn't want to see such a black face. Maybe I'll say," oei! zho mi lan? kiam lang lui ah? been hor lang pa si boh? cio leh, kua li e been e toh ah? siam siam." It means... oei, whats up man, owe people money? face got hit by people? smile leh, see your face can vomit lah.

What attracts me to audit? Meeting new people, working with different people, checking numbers, doing the same thing over and over again, freedom of timing most of the time. Hey Jit, I think you might find a tough time enjoying this sia... you confirm you wanna do it? haa.

Slice of Life

Getting What You Want At Work

We all get different things out of work. Some do it simply to pay the bills, others get a profound sense of who they are from their work; the job fulfills them and it's really not about the money. Some want to be promoted and earn more money so they can buy more things. Others cherish the opportunity to do things they would not have been able to do otherwise.

What about you? What do you want at work? And are you getting it?

If you think your job goals don't look any nearer with each passing day, here are four simple rules you can follow to help you get what you want.

1) Ask. That seems pretty simple, but often at work we're afraid to express what we want. We may assume that other people know what we're thinking because it's so obvious to us. Or we may think that if we continue to work hard enough, we'll be rewarded. If you want a promotion or a raise, don't assume that your boss knows it. Let him or her know clearly that you are interested.

2) Show What's In It For Them. Think about how it will benefit the other person and tell them. For example, if you want to hire additional staff you need to consider how it will help your boss. Will it give you more time to work on projects that your boss really cares about? Will it allow your boss to delegate more work to you, so it will save him or her time?

3) Build a Business Case. If you want to hire more people or get more money for a project, you need to show how this will benefit the company. A business exists to make money after all. So explain how your idea will increase productivity, increase customer satisfaction, or positively affect the bottom line. Suggestions that are tied to the company's success, rather than your personal needs, are more likely to get accepted.

4) Be Persistent. Just because you ask for something doesn't mean that you're going to get it. Even if you get a "no" the first time you ask, don't let that stop you. A negative response can be changed. For example, if you ask for a raise, the answer may be "no" today because it is not the scheduled time for a raise at your company. In that case, ask your manager what you can do in advance to make sure you get a raise when the time is right. Or maybe, you haven't presented enough information for the other person to say "yes". Can you show where you have saved money, made money, or made a difference to the bottom line? That's the information managers need in order to say "yes".

Following these four rules won't guarantee that you'll get what you want, but they will greatly increase your chances of getting a positive response.

29/11/05

I feel it, the stress of the job, the feeling of being hated by the clients, the pain on my skin because my skin isn't thick enough. First thing in the morning, when i went to the company accounts person to ask for help, she told me to get clearence from the manager before asking her for help. Alamak, i thought last week she already started helping me..... darn. So how? I just felt so helpless being a lowly Trainee there. I can't do anything. When I went back to one of my senior in our working office (only two of us there loh), she could only ask me to call the team IC. So i did,.... results is, wait for him to get down in the afternoon.

I spent the whole morning waiting, and pinballing. I couldn't proceed with my work!! There are so many things to follow up and I can't do anything. Then, when he came, we managed to take to one of the managers and then continued with my work. Its just too complicating with so many situations that might pop out. Although my senior has told me what to do when things pop out, I'll be alone tomorrow. If some funny things like today pop out, then i'll go crazy again.

Now I have to organize my thoughts about the task and what to ask from the accounts person to make her job easier. If i'm that accounts person, i would most likely be stressed by the auditor and think that the auditor is such a pest. A question..... do I like to be a pest to someone, or be someone who gets pested by someone. ahhhhh.

So now, my task is not going to be straight forward. Its not a tedious task. Its a turbulent and tedious task! A challenge for me now. who will succeed, who will fail. one of you is going to the boardroom where one, would be fired (the apprentice craze).

Statistics.... 19 samples done, 29 to follow up, 12 can't do anything. 29 29 29 29 29 29!!

28/11/05

Highlight of the day, Interview with this Company X. Damn fun loh, got 3 types of activities. Its the first interview that I feel no stress at all. I go there to have fun!! I'm crazy and i know alot of people wanna beat me up. Haa. I have already signed my mind with my current co.

Anyway, the activities hor, haaa damn fun. First for me is an interview by this Tax partner or manager... can't remember. Eiyo, what is integrity? How to define? have i demonstrated in anything that can reflect integrity? I think I got so shocked about the question that I created an awkward silent for a long time. Eiyo how to answer ah?

The second activity was an impromtu presentation. Wa biang, stupid topic haaa, and people said I speak like a politician, and perhaps an insurance agent. Cuz the topic was...... Healthcare in Singapore. You can guess what I said bah. "Take care of your Health!!"

The third? hmm role playing.... eiyo, i thought really acting loh, but then its actually a case discussion. I thought I'm going to act like goofy loh. Pengs.

Ah, then I skipped lunch and went back to office to do some IT stuffs, then fly down to Client to continue the work loh. Well, I completed most of the stuffs, and now, just need to confirm stuffs with some of the people. Eiyo, audit hor, need to bug people loh. I very scared of bugging people one. Sigh haaa, got to be so friendly and try to speak from my lungs haaa. You know, not head voice, but chest voice, so that my voice sound rounder. But hope no bad breathe lah haa.

Yesterday I changed my phone right, then 2 person called me and I don't know who i was speaking to sia. I felt so paiseh to ask them for their names. haa.

Let see if i have let out anything. Oh ya, I met my JC band mate in Company X. So surprise, haa haven't seen her for such a long time. Then how??? Ahhhh forgotten to get her contact loh. Blur me.

Oh ya, met a nice new friend during the whole interview as well, haa nv see that friend in school before, or perhaps I'm not observant enough. Haa. Eiya, I met alot of new friends lah, just that this friend is one who i talk to more ah. hee.

27/11/05

Ok, today is damn happening. Well, maybe not to all my blog readers, but at least to me, its alot of happening things.

First, went to Paragon in the morning with mum to shop for new phone because i can upgrade my plan now. So i got a Nokia 6021. Yeah, damn satisfied with it. I don't need a camera, I don't need bluetooth, I don't need video. I just need a new phone haaa. And the games inside also very happening. Can play mahjong!! Faint. The colour screen also looks damn cool. Well, I'm easily contented when it comes to technology haa. I'm a lagger, and i'm proud of it. How much I paid for the phone? Zero dollars.

After that, I had to leave my mum in orchard because she wants to see the animal show at Ngee Ann city. I rushed back home to complete what I started yesterday. Stupid FYP essay. To be specific, part of it. I was so bothered by it actually. A pain in my heart leaving it lying around. I forced through it and completed at 3pm. Too late to go for band. This is my first time pontanging band prac for no good reason haa. So proud of it, cuz i'm going to do it more often. Sigh.

At night, went to Junction 8 to get some clothes. And my mum forced me to do it. Where got parents can't wait to spend money on their kids one? Faint. Got 2 shirts, 2 ties, one pants. And my wardrobe is full of shirts, ties and pants. wa biang, my mum still wan me to get somemore. Spend too much liao lah. She seemed happier than me sia.

Hmm haven't see my friends updating their blogs recently.... wonder why. Too busy dating? haaa. opsssssss sorry, haa slip my tongue.... i mean fingers. Erm, I wonder if that would raise my visitor rate for my blog haaa. I wonder how can i check how many people visited my blog. Anyone knows?

26/11/05

My plan today was to, complete one of the section of my FYP. In the end..... I watched 3 episodes of 大长今. Played my online game, utopia, because it was at a critical period of war. My work--> read the law case for 1hr and only typed 2 paragraphs of it. Argh. Gonna complete it tomorrow, swore to it.

I stopped work at 3.30pm and went out to meet someone to do a disc exchange for naruto because it was faulty. I also bought the naruto sound track from him. I'm listening to it now!! Cool soundtrack. Then as I explored Chinatown, I saw this CD shop. The CDs they sell are so cheap!!! I bought one Zhang Zhi Cheng CD for only $5.50, but of course its China version. Who cares? I get to listen to the songs anyway. My purpose: Learn them for KTV, increase repertoire.

Band at night. Argh, that guy is doing it again, blasting his trombone away. Luckily I was slight further away from him now cuz i moved more to the corner and away from him. I purposely sat in an angle that will make my bell face him. So how? "If you can't beat them, join them!" I played loudly when he played loudly.... let him try his own medicine. Too bad I'm just playing a euphonium.... its difficult to have the blasting effect. A soothing instrument, no matter how loud you play, will still be soothing (can you see i'm boosting about my playing ability?) ha.

Theres quite alot of new recruits for WEstwinds. For once, I'm not one of the youngest there. Hurray. I'm going to give Westwinds a pending note that my next concert will be my last one with them. Depending on my work load of course. I'm going to place my work first before anything. When I get sick of it, then i'll go back to play haaa.

Tomorrow, going to Paragon to upgrade my handset, then go for the Animals exhibition at Ngee An City. Going to be fun! haa. But first, remind myself to finish the damn FYP section. argh.

25/11/05

Good news!! Great news!! I got employed!!!!! Now i don't need to worry so much! I can just do my best in my PA and not think about not being employed!! So happy now. And when I told my team IC about it, he asked me "you agreed already?"...... "why?". I raised both my eyebrows and told him:" Its my dream!!" Then he gave me the wierd look. He damn friendly lah, but he is as quiet as me ah. Not much conversation, only smile smile. The whole team is super nice!! With a senior guiding me step by step.

Today, I had to go through the large large large file of fixed assets listing and vouch the PO with it. And sometimes, there are 100 items inside a PO and I had to key in the calculator like mad.... but help is on the way!!! Microsoft excel!! Cool sia. Somehow, I'm enjoying the things i'm doing. I'm really mad. Doing the same things over and over again makes me happy. Crazy. I just love the feeling of climbing up the learning curve and specialization curve.

I love communicating with new people haaa, seeing how friendly they are. But I hope I won't meet a nasty client sia. I actually met with some commotion when I was requesting for some documents from someone, and my senior, sitting at one side doing her work heard the conversation, thought that the person was quite bad. I thought it was alright bah. Haaa, endurance level up!

I have been assigned work for the whole of next week, and I intend to finish them as fast as possible and see what other things i can do. I heard i'm going to be alone there on thursday. King of the world!! But theres work to be don't la! haaa.

I wonder hows my friends doing in their respective areas. Must be interesting too!! I hope to learn from them as well!! Loving the job!! (But sometimes Team IC got cheeky smile, donno if he got any other meanings haa. Don't despice my enthusiasm for Audit ok!! haa)

However, how long can my interest last? ...... till next time.

24/11/05

4th day. Super jia lad in the beginning of my first task but gets more exciting when near ending. So, what was my first task? Observing my senior do...... Cross referencing..... for...... 5 hrs, excluding lunch time. I have to stare at the papers that she flip flip and flip. And listen to her explaining each step she took, and in the end.... still a bit blur haa. Cuz i didn't read up about the processes before hand. How can i read when i don't have access yet? Eyes kept on opening and closing. But..... my teammates are a bunch of super nice people. They understand that I'm new and gave me simple tasks.

I'm just a little disappointed that I'm not very open to speak with people who I meet for the first time. I don't communicate well if i don't know the person well enough. I'm pretty reserved.... and I hope this won't kill my chance of staying in that firm. So, I was pretty task focused today, little chat.

So whats the exciting stuffs today? I get to vouch 3 cheques.... done in 5 minutes after i got the documents from a super nice lady who went specially to get those documents i need. I get to find out the discrepencies between a purchase order and the goods receipt slip too. I get to communicate to one of the staff to request for a certain document. And a nice chat with her as well haaa. Its a middle age woman, don't be misunderstood. She kept on saying, "already got 5 people request for this document during the past week. Thought you all have already done those things?" and then smile smile smile. THe people there are just soooooo friendly too. So cooperative, truly.

I finally was assigned task that would add value to the team...... hmm how much i don't know. Hope to add more value. Get my hands dirty and get screwed for doing the wrong things.... ops. Oh i forgotten to mention, the senior who guided me is..... one yr younger than me... ops. Surprise! Yes I'm surprised.

Another one never reply to sms. Seems like the second time liao..... sigh. I've gotten used to it haa. Don't worry if you read this blog, i know you read blogs. haa.

Slice of Life

In This Moment

We live in an autopiloted world. We seem locked in routines that we follow without question. Too much emphasis is placed on what we "should" be doing, instead of what we truly want to do. Very often, we do things without knowing why we do them. Continuing like this for years can make you unfulfilled and miserable.

So stop everything you're doing for a moment.

Erase all of those hurried thoughts and fragmented to-do lists from your mind.

Take a nice, deep breath, then another.

Feel your heart rate slowing down.

Now, ask yourself "What do I most need in this moment?"

Feel your excitement and hopefulness rise at the prospect that you're finally focusing on your own needs. The notion almost brings goose bumps to your skin.

'What do I most need in this moment?" Meditate on the question and allow yourself all the time in the world. Whatever conclusion you come to, don't give yourself excuses why you can't make it happen. Believe it and do it. Don't say you don't have the time. You can take the time; perhaps you must take the time.

Now this exercise is not intended to inspire transformational epiphanies, although it certainly is possible. All this simple meditation aims to do is to give yourself the space and time to consider your genuine needs and desires and to fulfill them occasionally.

So don't worry if you don't stumble upon the meaning of life, or your true calling. Perhaps what you're needing at the moment is simply a short holiday, a nice long bath, an early morning walk, or a root beer float. Anything. The only objective is to restore your energy and soothe your spirit.

So try it? Sit back. Quiet your mind. Take a deep breath. And ask:

"What do I most need in this moment?"

23/11/05

I want to go back to that firm as a permanent staff. The people are just so friendly! I have always imagined that the supervisors would be a fire-breathing dragon. But then.... it turned out totally opposite. A pleasant surprise.

My friends over there are all so cool. Friendly and cheerful. I haven't know much people of this calibre in school, but once I get to know them more, I feel more comfortable with them. But then, just when friendships are being formed, we are going to seperate ways from tomorrow onwards. I'm assigned to an important and big company. I wonder how difficult the tasks would be. Worst of all, i don't know who i'll be working with tomorrow because my team leader doesn't want to reply to my email. Maybe she is busy lah.

I even thought of revising and reading all the procedures..... but i guess i'm worrying too much. Since I was lucky enough to squeeze myself into this firm, I will have to put in all my effort. ALL!

Side track. Question in my mind, do handsome and charming guys attract more girls? I wonder if I will be able to test this hypothesis. haaa

22/11/05

Second day of work. Come to realise so many technical things need to handle. First, is their information systems. Second, is their way of doing things. Third, is the technical aspects of the tasks. I haven't attended any auditing course for god's sake. I'll just have to pull through this. It is no more a paper exam.... its a practical exam everyday.

I found a very nice chinese mixed rice stalls in China Square food court!! Going to eat it everyday if going to the basement. If at the ground floor, then it'll be vegetarian for me. Gonna take care of health much more than in School, or else I might just faint while checking the documents. ("Alright..... assets..... 1.....5......k..." *pomp*)

Today is another whole day of lecture loh. I can't wait to get my hands dirty. I believe I will look damn bloody not confident in doing things because I'm afraid to make mistakes, really. I'm just timid lah. Yeah. I'll ask lots of questions until they find me so annoying.

I'm just sensing somethings. Something wierd. I wonder what..... I need to make more observations before conclusions can be drawn. Very very very wierd. Anyway, I'm gonna make sure that I'm competitive in my theories..... first, or else i'll die. So.... no confidence..... I really wonder how did I make it into that firm. OMG.

21/11/05

A cool day. The weather was great for me to wear my long sleeve shirt. No sweat. Well, first day of professional attachment. Typing sensitive corporate information is a no no for me in this blog. What i'll do is to type my feelings and general things about what has happened. No details. Hope i'm doing the correct thing haa.

Well then, lets start. I've made the right choice going into the firm. They really prepare us for what we will be facing real soon by giving us a 3 day training session. Went through 4 speakers today. A bit worst than NTU lectures. Mentally tiring. The good thing... haaa great coffee!!! The machine is just sooooo cool. Can drink as much as you want..... ops. But I didn't drink it today. I'm not very affiliated to coffee. I need other means to keep myself awake.

Lunch time!! Amazing. The first time i'm experiencing the "Tissue" Culture. Haaa. Everyone there are just so used to this culture and everyone actually do it. Cool sia. I was shocked and surprised and intrigued when my friend said," the first thing when you come to the food court is to prepare a pack of tissue paper." I thought "whats up? People need to wipe their mouth alot? Or, go toilet alot?" Steady.

Alot of admin stuffs in the first day. And I've made the right choice...... so far. I don't know when real work starts.

I went to jog in the evening. I better reduce my waistline, its getting out of control. My pants....... so wasteful to throw them away. So, I'll change myself to suit the....."environment". haa

20/11/05

Activities today. Band loh. The pieces are just so scary..... rehearsing for next concert in March 06. Lots of technical parts for me to practice..... but i really doubt that i have time to solve all those difficult parts. Sigh. And those pieces.... gave the trombones a reason to blast. Agitation, Fear, Anger.... are elements of one of the pieces. Help!! I need new eupho players.... new blood. I stagnant liao.

Ok tomorrow work liao. Haaa a bit exciting. Just worried that my body cannot take it. Lets just see how. haa

19/11/05

First day of the so called holiday. When things started to get crazy, monday is the start of work. Its time for me to start facing all the backstabbings and ganna stab experience. I really wonder how will I be able to survive in those kind of knife-flying environment. Just imagine that everyone is holding a knife behind their hands. Before you know it, one might be sticking from your back. Fearful Fearful. I've imagined before.... wear a silver armour to work.... but thats crazy idea.

I need to learn how to develop a self protecting shield during this PA. I think.... its really sick trying to dodge and evade flying knifes. The thought of it just makes me tired. Perhaps one day.... I'll just say.."come on, just stab me lah".

How about applying the things we learned from our 205 modules? Assess risk events, and control systems. How to evaluate effectiveness? Sianz.

So, what are my activities for today. Morning, went out to ktv at party world in orchard. So disappointed with the condition of the place. Sticky menus, insects flying around, lagging computer system. Good things.... nice fruits, titbits, and most of all, up to date songs where you can't find in Kbox. Amazing.... differentiating factor.

A walk around orchard area is really great too. Had a different feeling walking. My 3rd-4th time walking around orchard in the past 5-6 months. Donno what kind of life i was leading.

Later gonna go for SAF band's concert. Yeah. Can see old friends again. After leaving that band, its really lots of memories.

Tomorrow one last day for resting. But got band prac! argh. Not going to be able to finish my Front Mission 4..... sad.

...............................................................................

Ok, just came back from the concert. Now is to record my memories of it. Ok, when I went into the concert hall, I saw the orchestra. It was a western orchestra, not chinese orchestra. So i thought "Phew". But guess what..... all the pieces are from chinese orchestra...... -.-"

So, first half were all cheenah pieces. But one that touched me so greatly is a Er Hu concerto that portrays a woman, who was forced into marriage by her parents. And the soloist is really damn pro. I didn't know Er Hu can be so expressive and emotional. And the timbre of it can really sound so nostalgic. Nearly wanted to buy Er Hu solo CDs haaa. Luckily i haven't make up my mind.

Another exciting point is that, its my second time watching a full orchestra. The first time was the SSO concert in NTU. I really like how an orchestra sound. The strings with the brass and woodwinds. I confirm want to watch a world class orchestra someday. Berlin? London? Ophers? Donno haaa. Fly around the world and catch them muahhaa. Thats my kind of life. But first, I'll begin with SSO haa.

The second half is a puppet show with live music played by SAF band. Music great. Puppets amazing. The story line, imaginative. Overall, fun. One highlight... slippery floor created by soap bubbles..... result: a little girl fell 2 times, a even little boy and girl fell once each. SCary... Luckily its not very obvious because its at the corner. Risk Risk....

Well, thats all.

18/11/05

Alright, last paper is gone today. Man..... gave me a big shock when i saw the paper. I guess.... there goes the confident me.... brought down to ground zero. Well, the holidays brighten me up. And..... like what my friend says in his blog.... 205 can suck his ****. Alright, wait till the moment to click for the results.... heart pounding experience.... always. I shall dream on.

So, I guess its a good time to round up my whole semester today. There are just so many things that happened. Slowly Slowly read okie.

So, this is my second sem taking 6 modules. Last sem was 4 core, 2 GEs. This sem is 3 core 3 GEs. I was able to survive better this sem because of my great and reliable group mates for my core modules. I have great support from my GE friends too. I have learnt alot from my new group mates with respect to working style, thinking skills, IT skills, and communication skills. SO much learnt. THank them sia. A hell-lot-a experience. Thats for academic side.

Musical side, I began playing in NUS band and have played one concert with them already. I will end my membership after their next concert. I have also played with Westwinds in the WASBE conference held late july. I wonder how long i'm going to stay in westwinds. I've also played with westwinds in esplanade in the midst of examinations. Another breakthrough is that one of my GEs is about Western classical music appreciation. Learnt alot from that course too. Now I know what kind of classical CDs to buy. Somehow affiliated to Beethoven haaa.

GAming side, I completed XenoSaga 1 in the midst of exam and have started on Front Mission 4. Aiming to complete it soon. Something thats closely related to gaming is that I've gotta a new PC too. Sooo happy. (self happy.... crazy). I also resumed my position in Utopia (an online game) as a guild leader in my Kingdom. And the king is the kingdom is a friend from NUS and plays the Oboe and knows my friends in band as well.... that is like one in a million chance.

FYP.... 30% complete, going into the main body soon. Well, some people said that qualitative FYP is hard to get A.... so i'm not expecting much now. Just wanna finish it bah.

Overall, this sem has been exciting.... I got to know myself much better, and know more about my strength and weakness. I stretched myself even more and I didn't break like what happened to me last sem. Still disappointed with myself about what happened last sem. damn.

Next sem is the last sem I test myself once again..... I'm going to test myself to the ultimate next sem.... don't stop me. Transform myself!! haaa. So evil. Till then, i'm going to learn more from my PA starting next week.

Slice of Life

Your Unique Factor

"Each of us is special and unique."

How many times have you heard that phrase bandied about? Most people take it as a worn-out clich?some even think it's a cruel joke, since as they claim "if everyone is special, aren't you just like everyone else?"

Well, like all quotations and sayings, it has to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of your own evaluation and relevance in your life. But I do believe that if we care to look closely and critically enough, we can each identify a unique factor in ourselves that can lead to success. The only problem is, most people don't even begin looking.

If you examine your passions, your values, your instincts, you'll find that you can put them together to form a coherent picture of the kind of person you are. And it's true that we each have a unique set of these. If you can align some of these key aspects of yourself, you're pretty close to identifying the unique factor that can help you achieve great success in life.

In the words of Sidney Madwed, "If you want to be truly successful, invest in yourself to get the knowledge you need to find your unique factor. When you find it and focus on it and persevere, your success will blossom."

When you find your unique qualities, you'll realise that they are always available. They are an endless resource of joy that you can give to yourself and to others. With their support, you become more resilient. And you begin to take responsibility for the happiness you want in your life.

We all need to find our own paths towards identifying what makes us unique, but here are some fundamental questions you might begin with:

1. What do you feel is your primary purpose in this life, and why is that important?
2. What are your greatest natural talents; things you've been told you have a knack for doing?
3. What are you doing when you feel completely alive, deeply involved, and the hours seem like minutes?
4. If you just found out that you had six months to live, what would you spend them doing?
5. How are your deepest passions connected to what you are doing now?

Focus today on those things that make you unique, and feel the joy unfold around you. No doubt others will find value in your gifts as well.

17/11/05

Ok, vomited during exam. Its really vomit knowledge. Just write what I memorised, word by word. No need think so much lah. Write write write. A 2 hr paper. Finished in 1hr 50 minutes. Last 10 minutes to look around and think about 205. Felt contented with the amount of vomiting i did. I can say its 90-95% of what I memorised. Whether the marker likes my answer is another matter. But, I can say that i'm satisfied. Its a confidence builder for me before the last battle tomorrow. A battle of reading speed. I do envy my friend who could do speed reading.

Now suffering from slight headache..... slept on MRT, slept a bit at home.... what a mess of time. Ah. After exam = 3 days fun break before going to work. No time for games..... darn, just when i bought so much. And also FYP !! double headache.

I just know that I couldn't get perfect score anywhere in NTU.... never. And this time, 311 blew it up. Nice one Lawrence. Damn.

Slice of Life

Being Too Nice

Are you too nice?

Does this question sound strange to you? How can anyone be "too nice"? Isn't being "nice" a good quality to have in a relationship?

True, people do value niceness in others, but if your way of being nice is to suppress your own needs constantly, you are being too nice for your own good. If you always put the needs of others first, and your own needs last, if you don't speak out when your own needs are ignored, then you are being too nice for your own good.

When you express your niceness as a sign of genuine respect, kindness and interest in another person, it's a wonderful quality to have. But when the "nice"-ness is a by-product of low self-esteem, passivity, or desperate loneliness, it can be a liability, and can make other people feel uneasy or guilty, or even attract the sort of people who are willing to exploit you.

Have you ever met a person who never expresses their real preferences, opinions, or desires, even in the smallest matters? When someone asks them "where do you want to go tonight?" they reply, "I don't care, anything is fine with me, where do you want to eat?"

A person who won't state their opinion or preference may think they are being nice, but this is not niceness; this is a form of fearfulness, and a lack of self-respect. Some people develop the trait of never asking for what they want because they were raised in a family where expressing wants or opinions was discouraged, or even disallowed.

They may have been literally taught that they shouldn't speak up, that they shouldn't want anything for themselves, and that everyone else's opinion mattered more than theirs.

A child who grew up in a family where they weren't allowed to express their needs or opinions, may grow up believing that this is how the whole world wants them to behave, even after they have become adults. They may find it difficult to take the initiative in any situation involving other people. They may feel uncomfortable or fearful expressing their desires. They may even feel they are being "bad" if they ask for anything.

In relationships that are healthy and satisfying, both people share responsibility equally when making plans and decisions.
If you believe that being nice means never asking for anything for yourself, it's important to learn to pay attention to your needs, to respect yourself, and to ask for what you want and need. Take your turn making decisions with others. Make your needs and preferences heard.

If you find your wishes are always being ignored, take a close look at why this is happening and see how you can change it.

16/11/05

Can anyone be as crazy as me? I actually felt happy after coming out of the exam hall. But don't be mistaken. Happy doesn't mean that I definitely going to do super well. I'm happy because of 2 reasons.

1) 2 questions in the exam and both are my favourite type of questions. Journal/accounting number adjustments and Ratio analysis+a bit of accounting distortion issues.

2) Everyone thinks that its tough. (I like it because the paper will be subjected to high moderation)

Am I the only one who is crazy around here? Although I like the questions, but they really gave me a super hard time as well. Think up down left right, upside down, inside out. And then, to my effort in writting, I wrote my last sentence of the paper in a way that no one can read it (show that I have alot to say but no time!!). Is that a tactic? I think emotional warfare on exam papers is useful when it comes to soft hearted markers. Well, it worked a few times for me when I "communicated" with the examiners in some of my previous exam papers. Emotional warfare..... hmm interesting.

Next thing to do is to pray that the examiner got so tired of reading the same thing and just find key words and then give me marks. Haa then i will escape from errorneous ideas.

Time to prepare for my GE exam. Memorising time. Totally memorising. Or mesmorizing? haa. Really gonna "vomit" knowledge onto the exam paper tomorrow. Darn

*Why do I enjoy exam so much? I think I'm crazy. It shows again that I'm book smart, not street smart.

15/11/05

I gave up at 12pm, and enough is enough! The limit has been reached. The more I study, the more I hate the subject, the worst i'll do. Pui! Yuck! Eek!! Urk!! Urrrrrrrrgh! (vomit knowledge)

What can I say? Enjoy the paper tomorrow?

Ntu server is a little off key today. I can't surf anything for a few hours, felt so handicapped for a while.

A concert on sat (I'm not performing)...... hmm. How?

14/11/05

I'm getting quite sick already, study and study and study. Does it help? Does reading more help? Is it too late? Am I reaching my maximum capacity? What are my expectations? What are my abilities? What can I do to ensure my success in this exam?

Even though I don't know those answers, I still do what most people do.... study. Starting to get very very sick already.

I just wanna play games, I just wanna watch anime, I just want to compose music, I just want to go shopping, I just wanna watch movie, I just wanna sing KTV, I just wanna enjoy.

The last stretch of the educational run. Will I be able to finish the race? Will I be able to survive? What will be the outcome..... stay tune for the next season of..... "Can I survive?"

Well, after visiting my friend's blog, I feel like translating Jay's new song. Although my English is not as high standard as my friend, I still want to try, just like before.

Coral Sea

Guy: The sea horizon begins to get misty.
How can sorrow be peaceful and calm?
I couldn't hide,
the feeling of pain from my face.

Girl: Your lips show me that you want to leave
Guy: My heart is not there

Both: Can she stay regardless of anything?
Both: unstoppable water. But, you understands.
Its not waves but a sea of tears

Guy: "I need to leave you", is something I couldn't say. Girl: You have something you couldn't say?
Both: Its just a surprise that love sparkled between a seagull and a fish
Both: Our love, is never free from disagreements
Girl: It'll never return
Guy: A long lasting love, became a pain to us. Girl: waiting brings pain.
Both: I have to leave you, but I couldn't say.
Both: Just like the coral sea, we're under the test of time.

Guy: Initially, we weren't mature and honest enough. Girl: we weren't mature and honest enough
Girl: Shouldn't be that way.
Both: Love isn't there, we couldn't force a smile.
Both: Let love be buried under the coral sea.

Guy: How can we restore a washed off sand sculpture?
How to love with a cracked heart?
Everything seems to end too fast.
You said you couldn't explain.
Girl: are hopes buried in sea shells?
Guy: waiting for flower to bloom
Both: I don't want to guess anymore.

Both: The feel of sea breeze on the face, the tainted love,
doesn't seems to have a future.
Guy: "I need to leave you", is something I couldn't say. Girl: You have something you couldn't say?
Both: Its just a surprise that the kingfisher and a fish fell in love
Both: Our love, is never free from disagreements
Girl: It'll never return
Guy: A long lasting love, became a pain to us. Girl: waiting brings pain.
Both: I have to leave you, but I couldn't say.
Both: Just like the coral sea, we're under the test of time.

Guy: Initially, we weren't mature and honest enough. Girl: we weren't mature and honest enough
Girl: Shouldn't be that way.
Both: Love isn't there, we couldn't force a smile.
Both: Let love be buried under the coral sea.

Slice of Life

Surviving Heartbreak

For many of us, heartbreak is almost a rite of passage. Relationships are complex and delicate things that most people don't get right the first time.

When someone we love wants to leave us, we typically go through these emotional stages - at first we may want to focus on the behaviour and feel victimized by a betrayal or lies. We may go through many stages like anger, revenge, guilt, violence, depression or jealousy or we might feel unattractive, sexually inadequate, boring or stupid.

If we peel away the layers and keep asking ourselves where the pain is coming from, we will find that it is not the opinion of another person that causes the pain, it is our acceptance of the opinion. People do not give you love, and they do not take love away from you. You choose the degree of flow between yourself and another.

The other great misunderstanding is the belief in a one and only. The idea that love is only real or valid when it is a partnership relationship is very, very limited and downright damaging. We become tunnel-visioned and grossly restricted in a belief that there is only one person or one love available to us. Not only do we expect all of our love to come from only one person, but we also expect that they must love us exclusively and forever.

Also, we accept that change is an unavoidable fact of life, but we still insist that love will never change. We insist on an impossible promise and self-destruct when the promise is broken. When friends move on we accept it because we did not have unrealistic expectations to begin with. Our children grow up and move on and we encourage it, we don't take it as a betrayal nor do we interpret it as rejection of ourselves.

One person's ability or inability to love you does not make you any more or any less than you are. Your value as a lovable and worthwhile person is not determined by the opinion of only one other person. Your supply of love, and your ability to love, is not in the control of another person.

Only love can replenish love, and even if you feel you are faking it at first, it is most important to get back your flow. Be loving with yourself, treat yourself the way your ex-partner should have treated you, and treat yourself the way you wanted to treat your ex-partner.

And don't forget the love you share with family and friends, and allow that to expand. Stretch loving moments and experiences, give and take compliments and kindnesses, imbibe beauty and extend pleasure. Recall your energy and bring it back into yourself. If you really do believe there is only one love for you and you're capable of loving only that one person forever, then make that one person yourself.

13/11/05

Highlight of the day. Concert performance by Westwinds. The concert hall was a near full house. We should have more free concerts!! haaa. And guess what!! I survived my Solo. Not the perfect change of notes but I'm contented already. So, what ratings do I give myself?

Tone= 9/10 (no one can beat my tone)
Musicality= 7/10 (my mentor could easily play better than me)
rupport with audience= 10/10!! (Some people clapped for me after my solo! In returned, I smiled back) (2 possible reasons for those clappings. 1. oh you're great 2. you are somewhere there, good going)

I went to ask my mentor for his comments, and he gave the same comments that he gave during our last concert. "Not bad, you have improved". I'm not used to compliments so "thank you" was my best response.

I don't know how many of my friends went but then I'm really glad that my heart survived the pounding, and my lips and cheeks survived the who concert. I realised that the "auto-vibrato" syndrome is caused by nervousness. I couldn't pitch properly during the first four pieces. How to not be nervous? sigh. So thats all for the concert.

So, I met that person the first thing I went into the stage door area. I couldn't ignore right? So i decided, clarify. I whispered, just in case i breathe out fire. Well, clarification outcome.... no msg received. Well, thats kinda good reason. I too experience too many IT glitches that hinders communication. I let the matter off, no one is at fault. Its performance, i need to get distractions out of my mind.

At the end of the performance, as I was exiting the performance area, that friend came down from the higher riser just beside. Can I ignore? Say anything, or not to say anything. Well, I think i should just say something. So.... this came out of my mouth in a staccato form "恭喜发财". Here comes the reply in a presto and staccato form from behind "红包拿来". Ha, I didn't say anything after that. I think everything is resolved. But I still doesn't want to have anything to do with this friend.

Its also the many times that I ask them to find a new eupho player to come in to westwinds so that I can train new blood. I don't know how long I could stay inside there. Work is coming. How will my life be when work starts? No life for anything? Work till I die? Donno.

After the whole thing, I took bus back to the interchange and then went to Popular Bookshop to get a small pack of lead for mechanical pencil. At the cashier, this is what happened,

(The cute guy, holding the small box of lead with one finger from each hand)
Cute guy: 你需不需要纸带 (in the most gentle way imaginable)？ (a very cute smile followed)

well, thats not interesting. haaa

And before the day ends, I went jogging. I realised that my work pants might be too small for me. I wore a tight pants for performance. Do you realise how terrible that is? I was so afraid to make the pants burst when I breathe fully. I couldn't help it. Who ask my ass could grow so fast? I better start some workout before I couldn't find pants for work next monday.

12/11/05

Supposed to study alot today, but then I slack more than I study. Getting sian already. Watched Naruto alot alot. Nice nice. Alot of things we can learn from it. Values to learn.

But then, I sense my hatred inside me being drawn out. Similar to someone in that anime. Yes hate. This has led me to block my friend a second time. I thought I could let go the anger, thats why I unblock the first time. I know I'm very aggressive towards those who "destroy" me. But, I don't take real actions. Real actions is defined as, fight, scold, destroy that person. I avoid. There is no way I could set myself out to take real actions, and I will definitely gonna lose out in the end. Sure fight lose one. haaa.

I definitely want to avoid that person but...... I still have something with that person. Now I just want that thing back and I've msged that person. Guess what.... I've put that intention in the nicest way possible and yet...... no reply.... it has been 1 hr 45 mins. And I definitely confirm that friend is still awake. Maybe I'm really a pest, as what my nick suggest. SORRY LOH!! ITs BASIC MANNERS.

Sometimes, I really wonder if i'm asking too much from my friends. Expect this expect that, expect them to treat me nicely because I always want to treat them nicely. But, I've been experiencing too many and too many shitty situations, and most of the time "Its ok lah" comes out of my mouth, and I'll smile to them afterwards.

Maybe I should:
"what the F are you doing? This is not what I expected. Hey this work is substandard. I think you can do better."
" Hey you are late! Damn it, waste my time. You know I could have done alot of things during this time?"
"What?? I made a wasted trip? You could have told me that there is no practice today! darn"
"I msged you like 5 hrs ago and now then you reply."

All these words right in their face? I face this kind of situations so many times..... I have never voiced out. It could be due to a guy's nature.... my nature. It could be viewed as whining. Bad whining. Too many situations..... too many. I can say i've gotten used to most of the things because Singaporeans, including me doesn't think so much for other people. Yup. Settled. If you can't beat them, join them.

I've gotten used to:
"people ignoring me"
"people rejecting my request"
"people not answering my msgs"
"people doing last minute changes"
"people turning up late for meetings" (in which I began to turn up late. One place where turning up late doesn't matter is...... Westwinds)
"people not being serious when its time to get serious"

I guess I'm just being whinny. Where can you find a guy who whines sooooo much? Its difficult to be with a musician.... true. Very temperamental, moods changed easily. And very sensitive to moods and people. I'm a difficult person to be with. Beware.

Tomorrow is performance and I have no confidence. If I have a choice, I would have told my conductor:" I'm sorry, I can't do the solo." But..... I have no choice. No matter how ill prepared I am, I'll just have to go through it. My lips muscles did not have enough conditioning for this performance. I got a feeling that my cheeks is going to weaken after 3 pieces.

11/11/05

Songs really brings out the inner feelings. No matter how hard you try to hide, can't hide. Listening to that duet for more than 10 times non-stop, I still don't feel sick of it. The beauty of the melody movements, the tender harmony, the excellent timbre combination of the vocals, the super instrumentation, all adds up. Another plus point is the lyrics. A beauty. Will this overtake the 屋顶 from my heart? Most likely. Difference between the songs.... one romance, one seperation.

Can't stop talking about the song. Wind, sea, sun, birds, fishes, the image of nature, the imaginative waves, the solitude on the sea near a beach. Only to hear the sound of nature and nothing else. 2 crazy people singing. Jay is indeed a genius. hmm but... did he wrote this song? ops.

I seems to have completed the preliminary stage of revision for both big modules. From tomorrow on, its the second stage. Though it seemed that i have so much time, it also seemed that i have not enough time. There can never be enough time. I just have to stick my leg into the mud and walk through to know whether the swamp is too deep for me.

Before the mud, i have to worry if I can survive the sunday performance haaa. Come watch okie?? See ya people...... those who reads this

Slice of Life

Healing Co-Dependent Relationships

Relationship counsellors will tell you that the most common relationship dynamic they encounter is that of the co-dependent taker/caretaker.

Takers are people who tend to be self-centred, with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "you are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay".

Caretakers, conversely, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need". Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love; in other words, they give to get.

Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. They often end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged. The problem is that takers and caretakers naturally find each other because of their need to feed on each others' weaknesses.

So if you're in a taker/caretaker relationship, what can you do to heal it?

Well, relationships heal when individuals heal. When each partner works on reducing their own selfish needs, their relationship system heals. When each person learns to take full personal responsibility for his or her own feelings of pain and joy, they stop pulling on each other and blaming each other. When each person learns to fill themselves with love and share that love with each other, instead of always trying to get love, the relationship heals.

Learning how to take responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behaviour. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.

Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are the only one you actually have control over. You are the only one you can change. Only when you change will the relationship get better.

10/11/05

Sometimes i really wonder. If i put in so much effort and i get a poor result.... I think I would just faint. It would be a sign for me to lead a more peaceful life. Battling in work.... or even schools don't suit me. Noooooooo. BUt.... if i do well..... what does that mean? That means i have to go on battling for my life? Argh, what a confusing life..... good also cannot, bad also cannot. Damn.

I conquered simons book. Forced myself through again. Originally planned to use 2 days to finish it. Now i got one more day to play with my mind.... I mean think through all the things, up down left right, inside out. Yes, tomorrow will be the day that i finish preparing my notes for 205..... 3 days.... world record?

I do seem like a person with little confidence ain't I? Haaa I guess so. I just wonder how can one be sooooo confident like.... you know who. The most confident paper for me ever was one of the modules in the previous semester. I don't know where that came from but perhaps my good course work. This sem.... course work.... I msged 2 tutors about my coursework grade and both didn't reply.... you say i sad or not? I guess its quite bad thats why they didn't wan me to know haa. or maybe i'm not sincere enough?

My mind seems to be doing so much gym work of trying to remember and analysing things. Need to pour water into my brain liao. overheat.

Can hardworkers really beat genius? I'm still experimenting.

(Lee (from naruto)!! I need your determination!!)

Slice of Life

STORIES - The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

Slice of Life

After a Bad Decision

We've all made decisions we've regretted. You know, the ones which quickly or slowly turn from a "Yes!" to an "Uh-oh?"

We've all said "yes" to a job, a person or a situation we know in our gut isn't right for us. And still we do it. Somehow a part of us kicks in, our mind or our body overrules the wisdom of our heart and we find ourselves on a path we never intended.

Sometimes these wrong turns can be detrimental to our wellbeing. They cause stress and put us in danger of losing ourselves indefinitely. Other times we immediately realize our mistaken direction and we decide right there and then to go back to the beginning and start again.

Either way, when you find yourself in a sticky situation, only you have the power to declare you took a wrong turn and only you can decide when it's time to get back on track. These tips may help.

Be honest with yourself. Admit, as quickly as possible, you made a choice that led you down the wrong path. Nothing will change until you personally acknowledge the decision you made isn't working for you. The sooner, the better. Be willing to take 100% responsibility for the choices you make for your life.

Plan an exit strategy. Once you've admitted to yourself you're on the wrong path, decide how you're going to get back on track. In some situations it may be necessary for you to stop what you're doing immediately. Most of the time, a fast exit may lead to even more stress and poor decision making. Take the time you need to get very clear on what it is you do want, and get back on track one step at a time.

Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up will only damage your self-esteem. Realize everyone makes mistakes; even the most successful individuals take several wrong turns before getting it right. Life is ten percent how we make it and ninety percent how we take it.

Look for the lesson. There's always a lesson to be learned, and occasionally, even a blessing in disguise. What did taking a wrong turn teach you about yourself? Do you need to listen to your gut more and to others less? Do you need to finally listen to your heart and follow its calling? Do you need to value yourself more? Do you need to redefine what success means to you?

Do better next time. Life is full of second chances. Be willing to take them! Let go of the past and commit to do whatever it takes to get back on the right track. The wisdom you've gained from taking a wrong turn will help you do better next time.

There's only one way to live life on your right track. Listen to your heart. It holds the secret to your happiness and the key to your success.

9/11/05

I pushed myself so hard.... so hard today that I managed to prepare notes for the whole of COSO. Damn it, 103 pages of thing. I feel like swearing non stop when i finish it. 8 hrs of work. But luckily 93.3Fm was with me, and I feel more calm haa.

And I did confirm that there won't be time to make any deep thoughts during 205 exam..... I wonder how i can survive. I always spend so much time thinking...... I agree with those academia of education that supports the view that examination does not portray ones' ability well if a time limit is imposed. Damn.

So... plan is, write whatever comes to mind, and just rattle..... wrong or correct, don't care.

I'm looking forward to the ktv session next friday, and try Jay's new songs!! I love that duet!!

8/11/05

Ok i'm gonna stop doing 206. I really have no idea how scotts can fit into Business valuation and analysis. Kinda wierd. Give up on that.

Tomorrow is wednesday if i'm not wrong. Then wed to friday + monday will be fore 205, and that will be all for my revision. As for GE, I'll just memorise the answers during my bus rides to Westwinds and concert performance during the weekends. Damn.

Sat going to help my disciple revised her Accounting paper for O's. Hopefully i can strengthen my Journal entries too. I need to be more proficient haa.

Today I rushed through the last bit of Scott, and could announce that I've rushed finished it. Absorption rate..... ??% Bad bad. At least i wrote down all the things.... going to flip like mad during the exam. But then I doubt questions would come out from scott.

I have started Front Mission 4 2 days ago, and now is about 7hrs of play time. I think the marginal ROI curve for revision is going to reach the maximum point soon... maybe its already there. The marginal utility from play game is in a convex curve shape. Just love playing games...... AHHHHHH!

7/11/05

Scott makes you blur, Scott makes you dizzy.... if you cannot sleep, read Scott. Confirm plus guarantee plus chop with 30 days money back.

So what was the effect of reading too much of Scott? When my dad came home, I was asked to get a bucket of water for him to wash his face. I did, and walked to the kitchen and took the..... bloody kettle.... and filled it up to halfway before i realised i got the wrong thing. My mum added," oei, study until siao ah. HAHAHA!" So blur.... My dad brought back some past incidents and laughed even louder. He said:" Ya sleep walk with some slippers also right?" "HAHAHA", combined power of all of us.

I went out... to city via bus. I went to collect some "goods" haaa. NARUTO!! finally, long awaited. But then, 2 very disturbing sec school kids sat behind me, talking loudly. Even though I was listening to my MP3, I could still hear bits and pieces of their conversation. I think the whole bus could hear them. Macham ah beng loh.

Well, thats not the main point. The main point is the disturbing topic they were talking about. I heard this:" If you msg me at 3am and I reply, that means I will be going to school tomorrow. If not, you won't see me in school". Well, the whole topic revolves a main theme of...... "Ganna ditch". Words like "die, hospital, ward, blar blar blar". And his friend is kind enough to console him and act like he knows everything about living haaa. One thing his friend said is quite true. "Everyone would have thought about committing suicide at one point in life". Well, thats how i feel. That depressed guy isn't that depress actually. He is so beng.... and before he alighted, he "dropped" or more likely threw his bottle of dolphin drink on the flood, and it rolled onto my feet when the bus stopped. Damn.

I arrived cityhall too early, so i walked Raffles city with Jay Chou's new album accompanying me. I find the duet inside the album so nice..... and the lyrics.... just suits me soooo much. Well, its bad to think about the past but... haaa. I didn't. I just had a little sour feeling.

Yeah!! I received my new games!! haaa ready for the holidays.

Slice of Life

Being Accountable

When we are dealing with stressful situations, it's easy to tell ourselves that it's not our fault these things are happening to us. It's easy to complain about how tough life is, and retreat into our shells, shutting out the world.

Sometimes, when I find myself in frustrating circumstances, especially during times when I have other things to worry about concurrently, I feel overwhelmed. It's so tempting to think about crawling into bed and wishing that the problem would just go away.

But that's hardly the way to deal with life's challenges, is it? So I remind myself that I am accountable for everything that happens to me in life.

Being accountable is being answerable for one's behaviour. The opposite of accountability is victim behavior. If we're not willing to accept responsibility for the situations we find ourselves in, then we're playing the victim.

When you make yourself out to be the "victim", life happens to you. You feel you have no control over your circumstances. You blame people, events, bad luck perhaps, for everything that seems to go wrong. And when things don't get better, you start to imagine that life somehow has all its odds stacked up against you. The feeling is called "helplessness".

But this state is by no means accidental or coincidental. You're feeling this way by choice.
Think about an area of your life where you feel things aren't going the way you had hoped. Now, ask yourself this - "What action can I take right now that puts the control in my hands?" One thing you can immediately do is recognize that while certain unpleasant and frustrating things happen in life, you always have the ability to take matters into your own hands and create better circumstances.

Immediately, you will feel the frustration and stress ease, because you will realize that things do not have to stay the way they are. You can make changes, and you can control the situation. You may not be able to solve the problem immediately but there are steps you can take to alleviate the pain, the stress, suffering or whatever that's slapping you around. With every small action, you come closer to making big changes to your situation.

We all fall into victim behaviour from time to time. And sometimes, we stay stuck there longer than we would like to admit. When you recognize that you are in victim behavior, just ask yourself "What can I do to change this situation and make it better?" Then, take action and take control!

6/11/05

Finally!! 2 big tubas!! super enhanced bass sound. I miss those great pounding effect. Sitting in front of 2 big tuba players is no joke ok. With a tuba sound to support, I feel more confident and more "flowery" with my euphonium. BUt then..... the Solo didn't turn out well with occasional "disappearing-sound" act. No stamina sia. My cheeks starting to droop (if there is such a word) again.

I practically slept with my eyes opened. My eyes were clearly on the score, so attentive and focused to play my next entry.... but.... my mind blank.... My mind telling my body "oei!! start liao!!" I'm still just looking..... Sharks.... so obvious that i missed my parts and then the conductor just look at me. He is such a gentleman, no scolding from him yet... Hmm maybe i should learn from my friend? "Roll the eyes until it turns white totally" when he look at me? Thats kinda interesting haa.

I got a hell of a ride on SBS bus 157 today. When it turned into Toa Payoh from Braddell road, that driver stepped on the accelerator on a downslope for about 7 seconds. My heart nearly flew out. If that bus skidded that time, I would have another hell of a flying experience down into the canal. Cool right? Haa then I will say bye bye to the cruel world. Actually I love the excitment haaa. I like to go those theme parks with lots of crazy rides haaa. I would sit on the most exciting one for ten times haaa. It happened in Australia hhaaa. Then the aftermath.... a feeling of flying when i was in the coach back to the hotel haa.

Work. Yeah I finished the whole PHB text bk... but how much do i understand and remember? Haa i don't know. I realise that time is not on my side now. All planning went haywire because of the band concert!! band concert!! The coming sunday, 3pm in Esplanade concert hall. Free admission. Lets hope for a full house and I don't mispitch or run out of breathe on my solo!! Can I mesmorise all my audience? haaa. I'm better in playing sad and scary tunes haaa.

I cannot sleep so late these few days... perhaps I really have to stick to a 10pm bed time. Anyone want to find me? haa before that time bah.

5/11/05

I finally organized my 206 into a structured and systematic revision plan. Now I finally feel better when doing revision for it. But then.... it seems like i need more days than planned. That means I won't have time for 205.... Well, what the hell, i so sian. I need 5 days for 206... and I don't have that much time.....

Damn the band concert...... taking up my weekends. So whoever reads this, better come for my westwind's free concert in Esplanade concert hall, on next sunday!!

So band prac today was ok. I'm a bit crazy, I admit. Looking at my score, listening to the music during a few bars of resting..... and I smiled and swayed to the music. I think I crazy lah. Outcast in the band also, sitting at the corner. haa, i'm so alone loh.... one eupho trying to dahan. No tuba somemore.... feel so empty without the backbone.

I just panick for my Edelwise solo lah.... Mispitch or out of tune will kill my reputation as well as westwind's reputation. haaa, but , i can't be bothered also, cuz i might stop playing music when work starts...... so sad. See how bah.

But I will definitely not stop playing games...... Its a place where I can find adventure, love, and excitment. I will not give up korean shows as well!! Yesterday I just watched Lover's concerto.... so sad. Well, its getting late haaa. so.... next time.

My blog not so exciting, hope you don't feel sleepy when you finish reading until here.

4/11/05

Hmm. My first paper today. Why do I always have to get my mind warmed up with the first paper? I spent first 10 minutes, trying to do out an outline before writing the main essay..... what the hell. And I thought that one question have 45 mins. Yes, I spent 45mins on the first lousy questions..... only 20 marks..... darn. And then I have to spend some time staring at the case and think think think..... double darn. So what all contributes to, is the lost of precious time for writing more words........ "My prrrrrecious" (sounds familiar?). Last question in 20 mins, 35 marks. How much can I catch? I doubt it. Not going to hit my expectation. I knew it... this module is so much similar to marketing and OB where I performed like a flat piece of stepped shit on the ground. yuppie. Feel very sian about exam... thats about it.

Exam time.... a time for me to complete more games..... and give up on studying. I work during the sem and play during exam. What a wierdo!. I think my lucky angel has left me.... so sad.

3/11/05

One day before first paper, and what did I do? Yes of course, naturally I have studied. On top of that, I completed Xenosaga. I really love these RPG games. Graphics, captivating storylines, interesting game characters, emotional themes, excitment, levelling systems, battling systems, all so good! Everytime I complete a game, I would have a kind of strange feeling.... a sad yet happy feeling. Confused.

Xenosaga. This game seems more like an anime to me. Even the ending was soooooo good. Its just part of the trilogy. I think I would start part 2 only when i get my hands on part 3. Might chiong it after exams.

Is the weather getting hotter or is it me? Haa.

Regarding exams, I seem to be able to remember all the things, and I seem not able to. I'm so confused inside. Worried as usual. I hope I can smile at the paper again. I need to crap. So what if we can read the case beforehand? So what if i can remember all the things that is crucial to the case? So what?

Am I setting a too high target for myself this semester? If things turn out badly, I hope my GEs can give me a reason to smile.

Should I convert my mind now into a blank piece of paper? hmm. I need...... someone to pray for me.

2/11/05

I didn't 206 could be that tough to get things organized. The course coordinator just didn't make things easy for us. Bits and pieces of information, here and there. Sigh. I remember that I told someone that I need 4 days to finish 206 revision? Hmm looks like its a bit tough. I managed to sqeeze through 3 weeks of work today, but seems very shallow. And its really hard to remember what the course was teaching if I don't believe what was being taught. Darn.

I stopped at 3pm and went straight to my xenogears. I'm going to complete it soon. Last area to proceed. Last sem, I completed Tales of Destiny 2 during exams. This sem, its gonna be this.

I haven't plan for tomorrow.... what should i do?

Back from dinner and i got something to add hee. I have been reading my friend's blog and my friend's friend's blog and i found that their blog is much more interesting. I can really feel the differentiating factors in them. Haa i might just come up with the key success factors of blogging one day. I don't think i have the X factor to create such an interesting blog. Kudos!

1/11/05

Guess what. I couldn't stand the idea that I'm going to battle with the synergies of all the bright people for 311. I decided to call my friend out for a "little" talk about that bloody case. And we did. Met at 11pm, in China town, and walked to somewhere to buy cheap CDs, and I bought Jay's latest album!! Cool cool hee. Then walked to a hawker for lunch first. Have to fill up stomach before the minds can work. After that, its Macdonalds. The real work starts there.

I think the discussion started at 1pm, and ended at about 3pm. The discussion helped me to memorised things as well. I actually woke up in the morning, feeling so lousy about friday's exam. Had this stupid feeling that my mind will go blank when looking at the questions. This is sort of a half open half close book exam where the case was given so early beforehand.

After the whole thing, my head just felt so bloated, and so, we decided to go bugis for a little walk haa. Thought of eating the ice kachang but i better endure haaa.... fat!!

*bloody mosquito, biting me when i'm typing blog*

I got another feeling that my answers won't be able to differentiate myself from others. I need out of the world answers!! Differentiation is the way to play the examination games. Its a game.... a strategic game..... who, what, and how. muhahaha. I kuku liao.