28/02/05

I have labeled myself as a pest. As my nick suggests, I am bug. I pester people. Yes I do, and I know it. But... I don't feel good about it. Sigh, I must stop myself. "What an ass" is what my friends are thinking right? Now i finally know the feeling of," the fear of losing". So, its better not to have, cuz then you won't be afraid of losing. Although I've been a pest today, at least i have confirmed something 110%. Well, just don't spray me the pesticide, i hope. Don't worry, there won't be another time anymore. Total erase of memory by taking some actions, and i've done it.

Today, that teacher of mine pissed me of yet again. I just couldn't stand his attitude. Lazy, proud. How can a university employ that kind of people? Those kind of people should just die in the corporate world. So many times, I've been having this urge of just trashing him. How I wish i could just tell him," Hey, don't try to smoke me off with those lousy explainations". I just hate these kind of people. If its your job, then do it properly. I gotta check out on my EQ now. I suspect that i'm over rating myself on that aspect. I gotta check my AQ too cuz I think i'm under rating it. Any PQ? Pest quotient. I am sure to score very well on it. Thankz to that someone who was so important in my life, i've learnt to be a pest. Or perhaps I chose this way? What the hell.

Sometimes I wonder, when people read this blog, are they using this against me by telling people all sorts of things. Actually I would hope that people could keep their mouth shut and just read without voicing anything in the real world. If you wanna say something about it, just post here. Why use it and do something behind my back? Face me head on if theres any cowards around.

I'm sorry that I'm being fury today. I can't help it. Its those days where you are faced with people who piss you. I'm not going to be very nice today, so just prepare yourself for all the rattling I'm going to start. Perhaps I'm equipped with some gatling gun today. Pardon me, I just want to scold. The following paragraph might cause some uneasiness. Skip it if you want

Piece of shit, son of the idiotic submarine. God damn hell fishing kalamari bastard. I could sense theres just fat asses out there poking me at the back. If I didn't do some freaking shit things to you, just leave me alone. You want to open your mouth and poison me with those unnecessary words. Thats how wrong you could be. Assholes like you should just float in the big ocean, waiting for submarines to ram into you. For gods sake, why could those kind of people just evaporate? Nope, evaporating would pollute the air. They should just vanish. Can't we just install zips on their mouths? Those people who changes their face often should just bang into the wall while walking and trip on their own feet. You should just have constipation whole year round. Suckers! Morons should just go live with baboons if they can't stop these chuckling behind people's back. How about letting some Kiwi birds poking up asses. Damn hell, son of the big fat Giraffe. BLEAH! (I just wonder whats getting into me)

My blood is still boiling, I could feel it inside. I couldn't stop it. DAmn, even with all those rattling, it didn't help. How can I study for my tax quiz? I give up.

Why would I feel better inside Utopia (online game) than being in the real world. I could feel that my friends there value me and appreciates me. They treat me well not because of what I do, but for who I am. Perhaps they value me because I am a responsible T/Ms guild leader, but I could feel a difference when i'm talking to them. At least they could chat with me. Don't tell me I couldn't work well with local people but I can work well with oversea people. They certainly got better etiquette than us. They are the people who show real care. And they are fun people too. War and battle as one kingdom, support and defend our comarade in arms. Utopian Invasion. All hail our King, Hells Invasion. (Another war win). I think i behave like a baby, but I need my childhood.

Lyrics for (Lost) and Found

When I'm alone, I feel cold inside
No matter, what I do, things would still froze on me.
Tried to be cool, but I can't hold still.
Shivering, Panting, throughout this long journey.

Where could I find the warmth in my heart,
I can't see, where the road would lead me.
Terrified, petrified seems to be with me,
Would someone, please lead me to light.

And I know, theres no one, but myself to hold on.
How tough could that be?
So I know, if I don't, try to hold myself up,
Darkness, would then, prevail.

(hey I'm alright, don't worry, I'm just taking my mood into expression. I'll be alright)

Slice of Life

A Special Bank Account

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.

Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day.

What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow." You must live in the present on today's deposits.

Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today. You see, how important this account means to each of us....

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a Silver medal in the Olympics.

So, treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

27/02/05

A peaceful day. Studied 1 chapter for tax. 2 chapters remaining. Scheduled to be read tomorrow and on tuesday. I couldn't spend the whole day reading. I've new games to play and i can't stop playing. I've began watching Naruto episode 50 onwards. Lee (one of the anime character) has once again gave me the burning flame of determination. One of my favourite character.

Its a busy day for Utopia (online game). I've been logging in for so many times, and people have been msging me for aid. I guess i've been spending too much time on it haha. Well, maybe its because i could feel my gaming friends appreciating me and believe in me.

Next week is the start of the second half of the sem. Going back to the cold and unforgiving grey building doesn't make me feel good at all. 4 big projects to complete during the next 4 weeks. What the hell. I could only look forward to the holiday after the exam. Even so, this holiday isn't any fun too. Final project would have started by the. Sux.

How I wish I could say," who cares about results, it doesn't matter. As long as I finish my whole course, it'll be enough." Yes I want to think like that. Doing too well= having more responsibility. I don't want to. I don't view career as the most important thing. I don't view money seeking the best thing in life. haha maybe you would laugh at me. You might say that I won't say this kind of things in the future. Perhaps... haha.

I am at a lost here. Nothing to type, better stop typing rubbish.

"I wanna be free, in the world where I wanna be.
I saw many things, that leave me in pain.
Cold and Cruel, as it seems to be.
When would be the time where differences unity as one.

I wanna believe, that I would see it coming.
Where nothing would hurt the hearts of mankind.
No sufferings, no killings, no wars, and no inter-human battles
To the place, where no one is thought to be more superior than others.

Think, Think, where could it be? I'm no perfect dreamer, I'm no perfect fighter.
I couldn't pursue, I couldn't find.
I have no strength. Even though I could not be a perfect dreamer, I would still dream.
Live for the day, and the day will come.

The world of love, the world of peace.
No one would scheme, no one would cheat.
No one would be a heart breaker. No one would demand, but give.
No one changes heart like day and night changes.

Why can't I see, who think like me?
Am I the only one who think so much?
I never want to be like this.
I just want to be like a normal person.

Tell me how to be
Tell me where to go
Tell me what to do
Tell me why I'm like this.

Searching for answers,
Searching for purpose,
Searching for places to express emotions
Searching for myself."

See what I mean by rubbish?

26/02/05

Its a new look ladies and gentlemen! I've cut my hair and gotten myself to look a bit more............. dumb. I've return back to my kampong look. I guess I don't know how to tell the barber what i want. Anyway, that means i might be returning to my old self haha. Who cares right? Nobody.

After the hair cut, I couldn't resist myself but to worry for a tax quiz next week. So, I took out my tax things and read for an hr. Nothing much accomplished though. Then I played megamen for another hr. Then I went out for the movie that I'm so determined to watch. However unexpected things happened.

My plan today was to go straight to Cineleisure and watch the 5.15pm show for A moment to remember, and then proceed for a drink and some music and watching soccer at the usual place. When I took off from home, it was 4pm. To make sure that I was not late for the show, I took MRT and reached the cinema at abt 4.45pm.

I was so enthusiastic as I was looking at the screen to check for availability of tickets. "Sold out" was what I saw. Awwwwwwwwh. "How How How?" I got hit by this fact and thought that fate didn't want me to watch it. Darn. However, I should take things into my hand this time. I'm going to break free from the fate and fight for my objective. I checked for the next timing, and found 9.35pm. Well, since i'm that determined, I went for it. Bought the tickets and told myself that i did the right choice. But...... what should I do with all the time I have....

I walked towards the direction to the MRT and wanted to do window shopping in all the shopping complex in Orchard. Halfway through, something striked me. "I could catch Ray during this free time isn't it?" I raced back to the cinema, and checked the timing. 6.25pm. Great, but I had to check the duration of the show. The ticket lady told me its ending at 9.25pm. Cool timing. I bought it. It was 5.30pm. I went to the arcade to kill time. Same game, but lousy skill.

I actually wanna thank the "soldout" situation. If not for that, I'll get myself wasted again, spend more, and wake up tomorrow with a soggy head. Something's telling me not to go there to numb myself. Face reality right? yeah thats the word. Face the music.

Ray
Really a class movie. Its not for people who wants to laugh, not for people who wants excitement, not for people who wants mystery. Its about someone's life. And through this, the message was, "No drug", "break away from the tradition", "Don't flirt".

A Moment to remember
My kind of movie. Its not about watching, its about feeling the movie. Some comical scenes, really funny. Somehow I thought that the show should have extended even further to give a big bang in the emotional part. Although the sad parts drew tears, I thought Windstruck did a better job in creating the intense emotions. Nevertheless, I could hear many people taking out their packets of tissue. 4 drops from me to contribute to the total tear count. Haha. The feeling of it is just like the song you are hearing now. A calm start, emotional climax, but ends too soon.

I caught onto some of the things they said, somehow similar throughout all the korean shows i saw. "Memories", " building houses in the heart", " Forgiving others mean giving hate only 1 room in your heart, making space for other things. If the house is occupied by only hatred, then you are missing alot in life.". I seems to have some similarities with the female lead actress regarding the memory thingy. But then I believe mine happens because most of my thoughts goes only through to the small brain. I've left my big brain on only when necessary I think. That means alot of things get filter out. Isn't it bad? I fear for my memory, thats why I'm typing all these.

Tomorrow, work day? Most likely.... sigh, what to do? I've resigned to my fate again. hee

25/02/05

Hmm yet another school day even though my minor module was over. Its a meeting. Although I dreaded the meeting, i quickly found that it was a fun and interesting meeting. I didn't prepare for it the night before but I was able to contribute to the contents. We had completed bulk of the project and now awaiting for the final "ok" sign before everything is typed out.

These few days i've been talking about that movie right? OMg, I thought i was able to watch it today, but halfway through the journey to orchard, I find that I will confirm be late for that movie, so i went back home instead. Argh..... tomorrow!! I swear! I will watch it. Even if it means to rain in solitude. hahaa.

So what did I do instead? I went for a jog again hee. Need to get those spare tires gone from my tummy. Feels good. Its always the fun part when you reach the terminal status where you would feel that you could run forever. The sun is so burning today, and i could feel the heat coming from the ground.

Tomorrow, cut hair, play games, watch movie, drink, and listen to music there. No work!! I don't care. Nothing is going to stop me.!

I wonder how I could add music into my blog so that when people visit my blog, they can read with some music. Anyone knows?

Slice of life

Don't Take It Personally

Do you often get upset because someone said something unkind to you or rejected you? Do you think that it's because there's something wrong with you? That you are deficient in some way?

Well, very often we rattle our peace of mind by taking things personally. We think that somehow someone is out to get us, or that we are not good enough.

Even if someone deliberately attacks you, the issue may not be about you. The problem is the attacker's own insecurities erupting, seeking to destroy whatever good they see. It's unfortunate, but misery loves company. If someone in pain sees another person with a better life, they'll try to tear that person down. People who are unhappy want everyone around them to feel as bad, or worse.

It's not that they're evil or perverse. They feel that it's the only way they can have a little respite from their own pain. Everyone is just trying to make themselves feel better, but we go about it differently. One person with a lot of anger, sadness and pain may try to spread it around so that others feel that way, too. While another person with sadness and pain will try to make others feel better because they don't want anyone to hurt as they do.

Sometimes, people can get very personal in their attempts to make themselves feel better. They may insinuate that you don't deserve what you have. They may say things that make you feel inadequate, incompetent or foolish.

When this happens, it's important that you stand up for yourself. Because if you don't, it's unlikely anyone else will either. You'll then be perpetuating the lie. That doesn't mean to counter-attack. If you know that what they're asserting is false, say so, and walk away. It's likely they'll want to keep trying to get you to accept their belief, and won't give up. Just know that it's not true, and take back your power in this situation. Realize that it's not about you or what you've done or haven't done. It's all about them and their pain. Or simply their arrogance or ignorance. On the other hand, you don't have to accept their degrading treatment of you simply because they're hurting. Just address the situation with integrity and in the best way you can to support yourself. Remember that it's not personal.
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24/02/05

Finally that module is over. 4 days of non stop crashing that course haha. Its time for me to enjoy the holidays.... errrrr maybe hee. There are a number of things that i want to do. Watch A moment to remember (korean show), Watch Ray (another movie), have a drink on Sat night (so that i can watch soccer at the same time). Oh ya, cut my hair. Its poking my eye until i cannot even jog properly. Slanting skills in jogging. People might think that i jog after i drink. Come to think of it, I'm improving on my drinking skills, though still so lousy.

My jogging skill is coming back too! Whats the most important thing for jogging? Regular breathing pace, lungs capacity, and feet landing posture. Use your mouth to breathe! haha. I have no problem with mouth breathing because i play the EUPHONIUM, and I'm proud of it. It will always be my wife no matter what. What does it take to play good music? Mind, body and soul.

Hmm side track a bit before i go back to talk about playing music haha. What is the most important thing between couples? 5 Cs? Communication, Committment, Concern, Confidence, Confession. Therefore, applying this to music playing, its about the 5 Cs too. You gotta communication with the instrument, have committment to keep the instrument company every week, show concern in the well being of the instrument, have confidence that the instrument would not fail you when you need it to perform with you, and confess to it for your laziness if you lack practice. Why am I saying this? I'm just typing about whatever that comes out from my mind.

Ah today's presentation, haha I didn't feel very very nervous. I guess its because that I am familiar with the audience, they were a friendly bunch of people. Like what i told my friend, A, I could only present factual and informative stuffs. That means I am lousy in being a humourous presenter. Its my natural behavior haha. I guess its good that i keep my presentation style that way because its not good to have a happy-go-lucky accountant eh? haha. BUt.... when I'm with friends, I'm just so forgetful and oblivious to obvious things that makes me to look like a joke myself haha. I enjoy that, cuz i like people to laugh, make them laugh, doesn't matter if they are laughing at me. I'll laugh with them.

The sky rain heavily for the first time in 3 weeks? And I happen to be in the rain while jogging. I always think that nature trys to communicate with me through different ways. Could this be one too? It happens that I'll be watching that Korean show and I might rain... high possibility. "Just let go"... is that what the sky is saying? Music is a form of human expression. It is the kind of expression for me. I would hear what kind of feel that show can give me through its music hee.

Today's slice of life is very meaningful, it seems to tell me more things. And I hope it is the same for my readers too.

Slice of Life

Relationships and Self Esteem (Part 1)

What attracts a human being to another, and what makes a relationship work?

I realised that the key was a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. A beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks? if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.

If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.

On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a very visual world. An audio/visual world, I might add. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.

If you think you're unpleasant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relationships can blossom.

We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fits into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.

In the next programme, let's look at how self esteem has a huge role to play in forging healthy, mutually-beneficial and loving relationships.
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23/02/05

Lesson ended at 11.30am, and it was project meeting after that. Tomorrow is the day for the presentation. The module lasted 4 days, and tomorrow is an important day. Ah, I have to present the specifications of the video cards to my classmates. Its one of the most difficult part of the presentation and i know nuts about video cards. Now I have to read the websites for all the different explainations of the specifications. And hell, no one is supporting me. I'm really someone who works alone hahaa.

I went to KTV in the afternoon with my friend, W. I was suppose to watch a movie right? But i didn't. My mum wanted me to go home early for dinner because today is the last day of chinese new year. What a good Chinese valentine day. hahaa. Anyway it doesn't have any meaning for me. What I saw on the news was more forest fire, thats all. And a nice news that made me laugh out loud. Guess what. More men are applying for protection by law from their wives. Haha. Finally, men voice out. What the hell. Its true that it doesn't mean that more women are getting more violent. It just mean that men are not afraid of being viewed as a wimp anymore. Damn hell to stereotypings from the society muahaha.

I wanted to watch A moment to remember, but I will postphone it. I guess i'll watch it alone too. It doesn't matter too cuz i want to just weep without any consideration of being afraid to show my emotions. No one will know me inside the cinema, how good. I'll get to see one of my favourite actress, Sun yi zhen too. But I know, its always dangerous behind all beauty. You won't know if there are thorns, and most of the time, its artificial. But what the hell, people always judge on appearance. If Lions do, so do we haha.

Today's singing for me is sucky. I seems to be able to sing higher pitch but then i couldn't pitch accurately. I guess its because i didn't sing that often thats why. Its sucky when you can't get in tune and get into the mood of the songs.

No time to have fun tomorrow. Haven't been having fun at all. bleah.

22/02/05

Another day of school. Dark sky when I take off from home, and dark sky when i come back home. Today is my friend's birthday. Happy birthday to you. No gift for you though. muahhaa

Today seems to be another effective day for work done. I am more active in work during the holidays than when during school. After the end of the lesson at 2.30pm, I actually went to do some work for my IT project before the meeting at 5.30pm. I actually did one whole part of it, and its really a remarkable achievement. It really saved the grp alot of trouble of typing many things. Haha, a pat on my back hee.

I'm really more cheerful now haha. Jogging does solve stress and sadness haha. Nothing much to type today (good sign)

Slice of Life

Creative Visualisation

Creative Visualisation is a tried and true technique that helps you create the things you want in life. Creative Visualisation is the art of sending an image to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind then creates your reality based on the messages that you send to it.

The key to understanding how creative visualisation works is to first understand that your subconscious mind does not know what is real and what is fiction. It simply creates your reality based on the image that you visualise.

So if you visualise yourself struggling, poor, unhappy, alone or depressed, then this is the reality that your subconscious mind creates. There have been many books written on creative visualisation all of which tell you that if you visualise you will create the things you want. Some people view this with suspicion. Some give it a try, but are disappointed that it doesn't yield results immediately.

Well, like most other life-affirming practices, like adopting an attitude of gratitude or journaling, visualisation requires commitment, time, and faith to produce any discernible benefits. In order to get the most out of visualisation, all your other messages to your subconscious mind have to be in agreement with what you visualise. In other words, there is no room for skepticism. Once you've decided to visualise creatively to improve your life, be sure to give it your full dedication.

Think of it this way. You're in a boat and there are a number of people rowing this boat for you. You tell one of them to row in a certain way so that you go in a certain direction. But if all the other people rowing for you are going in the opposite direction - that one person rowing will have little or no impact. The boat will never go the way you want.

When you work with Creative Visualisation, tap into all your powers to send a tidal wave of positive energy to your subconscious mind. Begin to see yourself living the life you want - happy, healthy, positive, loving, energized, productive, and successful.

Happy visualising!

21/02/05

Went back to school. First day of term break. This module, a 4 day crash course to learn how to develop a training program. Excited yet dreaded the journey to school. I wrote some words that were meant to be some lyrics, but it sounds sucky haha. Well everyone would have their first time sucky right? Hee. here goes

I could feel the wind blow
And I know it came from the sun that glow in the day
Staring at the dark sky, I could see stars shining so brightly
But I want to ask if it was lonely

My life, once filled with joy
because it was the time when I was no alone
Starting at the dark sky, I could see the stars shining brightly,
And I thought, how could you shine so bright when you are lonely.

It says," Oh boy, it doesn't matter at all"
"As long as I know that other stars are shining with me, I am not alone"
"Even when the clouds obscure the brightness, it would one day be gone"
"So believe...."
"Believe that the day will come." (end)

Sucky isn't it? haha

Well, another day of all work for me. Completed 2 document files for the minor, completed powerpoint slides for my individual presentation next week. Read over 100 pages of IT thingy. I'm impressed hahaa. This was my pace. Getting back into shape soon.

I heard that a korean show is up, acted by Sun Yi Zhen!!!! my god. I better go catch that one too haha.

Somehow, when i started to concentrate on working my life away, i spend less time feeling. Its a good sign right? hee I think so.

Slice of life

Increase Your Income

Many of us bemoan the state of our finances without doing anything about it. We complain about how our job just doesn’t pay enough, and wonder why we aren’t wealthier.

Well, we all know money isn’t everything; it certainly isn’t the most important thing in life, but we have to accept that we live in a materialistic world. And we need money to provide for our loved ones. So why don’t you have as much money today as you desire?

First of all, you didn’t think about or plan for today before it arrived. Had you been more aware, then, that you would always need money, and acted on that awareness in the past, you would be wealthier today than you are right now.

Because then, you would have intentionally saved money (perhaps even by making small sacrifices over the years) or invested money (even small amounts) and would therefore have more money today.

Make a list of your expenses for one month and you’ll quickly discover how many unnecessary things you buy and how much you could therefore set-aside for tomorrow. If you want to free yourself from financial troubles, then start putting a portion of your money into a special account. Now that’s a simple formula that unfortunately many people just can’t seem to put into practice.
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If the job you have now isn't bringing in enough money and isn’t giving you the satisfaction you need to enjoy it, consider changing jobs. You've probably heard the saying, "Do what you love and the money will follow."

You might also consider taking on an extra job. Perhaps your primary job gives you great satisfaction, but doesn't yet provide a sufficient income. Taking a second job may be a better solution than changing jobs. Consider the consequences though; working two jobs means there will be less time for everything else and added pressure. Ask yourself if the increase in income is worth the additional taxes you'll pay, the extra time that you will have to spend, and so on.
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Or you could be more efficient in your present job. Think about how you can save time and money. Search for bottlenecks and fix them. Consider the Paret Principle which states that 80 percent of your income comes from 20 percent of the work done. Concentrate more on effective tasks and less on auxiliary ones that don't bring in money.

Over time, you will be noticed - if not by your superiors at work and business associates or partners, then by others. There are always plenty of jobs for a worker who is conscientious and an expert in his or her field.
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20/02/05

My engine has finally started. Today, more than 12 hrs of work. Reading textbooks, doing tutorials, doing excel file, powerpoint presentation preparation, thinking about projects. Suddenly, my thinking cap, determination and perserverance has come back to me. Its time I get myself started to prepare for my final burst. My mind has been cleared. Best of all, I manage to jog today, 4th time this week, and i feel even more energetic after all that sweating. I can feeeeeeel power!!! (watch too much anime)

Today I suddenly want to write lyrics for songs. I got this inspiration when I saw the stars in the sky yesterday.

But.......... my work has just flood into my brain...... i'll write it when the inspiration comes again.

My next week.... everyday school. haha. Mon to Thurs, 0830 to 1630. On top of that, tues and thursday meetings after 1630. Friday meeting at 0900. Whats term break? No meaning at all.

What the hell. Persever!! Just do it (NIKE) Never say die! (energizer)

19/02/05

Spent sooooooooo many hours doing 3 tutorials, bloody hell.... 8 hrs, including slacking time. At least I manage to finish them. After my work, I went to jog. This is the third time i jog this week. Feel that I gain back 40% of my stamina. Finally, some energy. Its time I gain back the energy I lost. Don't see me weak weak now, i was once an under 9.30mins runner for my 2.4km. Don't play play. That was the time I look like bamboo. Never want to go back to that state again. But... as least let me reduce my waistline first.

Then I went to Toa Payoh central with my mum to shop for some things. Interesting things we talk about. Almost laughed throughout the whole journey. She saw a couple kissing in the interchange. Hmm middle age, 30+, confirm married. Then she eeks on that scene and said that woman with that kind of looks, doing that kind of things in public..... vomit. She continued to say, that man also has stamp on the eye. Those comments just amazed me, and really gave me a good laugh. I tend to agree to her on that.

when I got back home, I continued my megaman and completed megaman 4. In no time I'll finish that game muahhaha.

Wait till i got more things to say, I'll post again. Lost of words. That is a good sign.

18/02/05

My head is throbbing, hard. Just took a quiz and its just such a damn hard one. But really, i don't see the logic of that question. The accounting equation doesn't hold at all!! Whatever answer the tutor is going to give, i'm gonna question them. Study so much but it doesn't help at all. How much? almost 3-4 hrs straight reading. After all those reading, i have to meet for a project. That really burns my brain out. The quiz was straight after the meeting, and i have to be late for the quiz. argh

So much for the hellish stuffs. I've been searching for the Tengai Makyo game for PS2 on the web, and I saw all those screen shots..... wow Its really nice and cool. This game was originally for PC engine and it was really a big bang RPG that time. This time, hudson is remaking that game for PS2 with a 3 D touch to it. Can't wait to get my hands on that game. Its one of my first few Japanese RPG I completed when i was damn young. I watched the intro clip in school and was drooling at the graphics haha. great improvement!

I'm gonna have the whole weekend to do all my work and prepare for project meetings next week. Anyway its my mid term break week but i have to go back everyday for all my classes argh. When would I have time to play? Kill me will ya? I'm gonna squeeze time out to watch Ray though. Its a promise haha.

Anyway new photos uploaded into my yahoo photos. Took damn long to upload it eh, cuz i'm damn lazy. I need to slack slack slack so that i can gain back my energy to chiong for the second half. Can anyone feel my wrath? Where can i pour my bitter water? Don't tell me singapore river. Its protected, no pollution please.

Hmm at least i feel that my utopia(online game) friends value my contributions to that game. Its just amazing that those who appreciates me are those who I haven't met before. And its great pleasure knowing them.

Some say that for those who don't try, would surely fail. For those who try, you have succeeded by trying. Eeks who said that? haha

Slice of Life

Boost Creativity Through Gratitude

We've all known the frustration of being "stuck" in a creative sense, of being out of ideas, of being in a rut. And what happens when we allow ourselves to remain stymied? Yup, we end up absolutely nowhere, or worse, in more distress.

During such times, it's important to remember that we've not lost our talent or our creavity. It's just that something has gotten in the way and we've temporarily lost contact with our creative flow.

Now here's a simple practice that will help you re-ignite your creative fire, but it takes practice, commitment, and an open mind.

It's called gratitude - the philosophy and practice of noting the blessings that you have and appreciating them fully. It's extremely powerful if practiced faithfully and consistently. It can give you the ability to laugh in the midst of adversity, transform a sour mood into a joyous one, and open your heart to a world of endless love and possibilities.

If you've been miserable so long you don't even know how to start being thankful, begin with writing down a list of things and people you can and should be grateful for. Still lost? Then go with the letters of the alphabet. Fill in a person, event, place or thing for each letter.

Adopt a habit of responding positively to every good thing that comes your way, no matter how small. Say thank you, tell people how much they mean to you, how great dinner was, how much you enjoyed the movie. Send Thank You cards to associates and acquaintances and tell them how much you enjoyed working together. If the service at a shop was particularly good, let the manager know. Leave a tip.

And say "thank you" when paying for something. Why should you, the customer, say "thank you", I hear you ask? Well, doing this reminds us of how much we appreciate the goods or services purchased. Some people even believe writing "thank you" at the back of every cheque that you issue attracts wealth. Well, I'm not about to endorse this belief, but hey, there's certainly no harm in it! Besides, it lessens the sting of parting with your money and makes you feel satisfied about what you've paid for and enjoyed.

And finally, be thankful for yourself. Appreciate yourself for who you are and what you mean to your loved ones. Too many people are unhappy with how they look or what they have, and ignore the fact that to their loved ones, they are the most beautiful people in the world. So adopt a practice of gratitude for that boost to your creativity! Thank You for listening!
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17/02/05

My morning was saved by the creature that i hated the most, the mosquito! I can't believe that it actually saved my day by bitting me during my sleep. Yesterday night, i did set my alarm clock but then i have forgotten to hit the alarm switch. It the end, it didn't ring. But.... I felt a deep itch at 0545 and jumped out of bed with anger, and got ready my electrocution racket. I looked at the clock and wonder why the time was 0545 already. Then i realise that my alarm clock failed me again. I have this deep gratitude to that mosquito that bothered me 3 times yesterday night, so i didn't want to take revenge. I reached the school 15 minutes late but was contented enough.

The tax tutorial was a killer one, where the question was sooooo difficult until my face turned upsidedown when the answer was presented. I got a feeling of giving up inside me. Its just too many things to remember. Its not difficult but the sheer amount of things that we have to remember just gives me the creep. Within 3 mths, we have to remember almost all the rules for basic taxation. BASIC taxation is soooo tough, i just can't imagine what would come when advance tax comes.

I finally changed my wallet to the one i bought last December. Its just such a big thing to me, cuz i'm going to looking forward for now on, and leave some things behind. Its not that i didn't leave them behind, its just that i'm getting closer to completing the process. Its very very near to completion.

No one knows how satisfying to just type anything here. why would i spend time typing rather than studying? I can't point out a specific reason. Its just a way to talk to myself. Self talk helps in solving internal conflicts, and possible problems. Self talk can be a form of motivation, and driving force for many things.

As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Windstruck" one of my favourite show. The next movie i wanna watch is "Ray". soon. Tomorrow i have a quiz, i need to sleep early so that i won't mistaken a 5 as 8. haha yeah. Bless everyone.

16/02/05

My mood is starting to pick up. I finally know whats got into me. Hey i got back my energy haha. The sun is really big big. 3 weeks without rain. The highest temperature in 15 yrs. But i realise one thing too. There can only be wind where there is sun (simple geography stuffs). I finally feel the wind.

After 3 days of struggling with no MSN, i finally settled the problem after MSN customer service sent me an email regarding the method to solve the problem. Now i have MSN again. I need it for an online meeting thats coming soon. I'm very dependent on internet i suppose. Have been online every night. Can't live without it haha.

Somehow i'm just wondering, am I the only one slacking around? I've started to told my friend that my engine is breaking down, and now waiting for the term break to repair it. Everyone around me seems to be so busy doing things, only I, still here typing blog everyday. Hmm its really wierd. How come I'm starting to find myself having time? Is it in the mind?

The even more wierd thing is that, I am starting to get very enthusiastic in jogging again. And its even even more wierd that I got this enthusiasm during the hottest period where i should be hiding under the roof. Could it be the guilt that i'm eating too much? Could it be that i just want to strengthen myself? Or perhaps draining my excess energy or perhaps gain energy from jogging? Who knows haha, i don't understand myself.

I received an sms from M1 regarding a saying. It says," When we avoid the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us." This saying is by scott peck, whoever it is. Its just such a good saying. Face the music is what it is saying, for that problems allow us to gain experience to face problems.

Ahhh got a quiz on friday, and i need to study for it. I hope to get back to Westwind soon for music. I'm starving for music, and i miss my eupho (wife) there.

I heard that the movie, Ray, is a very good show. All musicians should go watch it. haha my tutor recommended the whole class.

15/02/05

Today is the 7th day of the lunar new year, so its everyone's birthday. My family went to the coffee shop for a feast(dinner), well its good enough for me. The tom yam soup really makes us breathe fire. It was damn hot. Its really hot spicy. My dad keeps on saying, karai (spicy), oishi (delicious). Haha he only knows how to say that. My mum and I just can't stand the spiciness (is there such a word?).

Remember that i said something about the final year project? Its just so bad that someone backed out, but then I found a friend to join my grp today. Thats really fast haha. And this time, I got a karaoke buddy into my group haha. We might be able to discuss it in KTv. Muahhaa, it'll be damn fun.

Today, I skipped one of my module's makeup lecture just to go for band teaching. I had to teach a student how to play an F horn. She was transferred from Eb horn to F horn, and pitching was a really problem. In the end, I had to take one out for myself and try it myself to find out what the problem lies in the pitching. Ah.... I could really sound soooo good in it haha. But the pitching was really so difficult to hit. There are just so many notes with one fingering.

When I got home after teaching band, I actually sat in front of my dog, and sang some self created melody to her. With my mesmorising eyes, and my tender voice, I seemed to have hypnotised her. She started looking into my eyes, tears begin to form. 5 secs, 10secs, 20secs...... then she stood up and walked away, ignoring my effort in singing. I looked at her, one eye big one eye small. Then I turned to my fishes and sigh. What a dumb sight. I thought this only happens in cartoons. haha. This incident is worth recording.

Hey I must really start to exercise. Argh the new year is just making me soooooo bloated. Eat and eat and eat. Whats more to do? Just eat and sleep haha. If i don't control now, i might have to change my whole wardrobe. No no, my myself must not go back to my old shape haha. I would rather be blown away by wind than to be made of oil and fats. How to reach a balance? ahhhh so difficult.

I chatted with my band teacher in the car when he sent me back to somewhere near my house. Its just so interesting to find out what his teenage years was. Haha, really lots of insights and life experience to learn from him. I guess i'm much more opened to my thinking. Was tooooooo traditional haha, this means this and that means that. If that means this then something is wrong, cannot cannot. I'm really just the turtle on the mountain, and coral in the sea. Regarding band teaching is the same. Traditional thinking doesn't work anymore. Gone with the days where fear was used as a main driving force to push the students. We can't do it now.

Accompanying me now are songs by Jay chou. Listening to different songs at different time, and feeling, can be very good therapy for one. Next time when you have the feeling to listen to any music, think of your mood at that time. Choosing the right music will be a blessing while a wrong music might just drive you up the grave.

Hmm no slice of life again. Too bad if any of you is waiting for it. :)

14/02/05

Is this one of the days where nothing goes right? Why must this day be such a bad day for me? The worst thing that could have happened is that my MSN broke down. I can't reinstall, I can't uninstall, I can't upgrade it. It says i need to upgrade to continue using it but whenever the installation file comes up, and error msg pops out. This is kinda sick. So, i tried using the web messenger. What happened was that I was blocked out because the server was busy. omg.

Then when I logged onto Msn, I contacted one of my final year project groupmate and asked for the file the groupmate typed. Guess what, that groupmate backed out of the group saying that the timing is very bad because of many many many things. Now I have to search for one group mate. Why must it be this day. And what was the first sentence in our chat? " Hey i'm so glad to see you here" *ya but i need to get out of the group?*

This is something i saw on the msn website

Overindulgence over the past couple of days could well have you feeling a bit stressed out, perhaps a little headachy. This is definitely the day to take it easy, and avoid working too hard if you can. A little rest, perhaps with a good book, could not only release stress, but open you up to different interests. You may, however, discover too many fascinating ideas! Make notes of the best, dear Leo, as you'll want to remember them later.

Some horoscope thing. True about me?

And now, mosquitos fill my room, and smoke fills the living room because my mum burnt some green stick (i don't know what you call that) to get rid of the mosquitos. Can't breathe *hekc hekc*. Now those mosquitos take refugee in my room, waiting to suck my sweet blood to quench their thirst, how wonderful?

Sorry, today is my day for complaints, because this day is just not my day. Can someone tell me that tomorrow will be better? Good things doesn't come my way. That belief will stay with me, for as long as it proves to be true.

Whats sooooo good about treating friends with a true heart, they bite you know? But asking myself to be bad, is just not my way. Doesn't it pay to be good now. And how do you define good. I think its in the eyes of the beholder. Someone save my msn please. Feels crippled when IT come crashing on me.

I'm Smoked, I'm crippled, friends desert, whats next? Stay tuned for more horrifying things befalling on me. For those who enjoys seeing this, I'm glad that i made you happy. Wheres the slice of life when i needed them. !!

13/02/05

Yeah I played megamen on my PS2 and completed megaman 3, while i've reached the last stage for megaman 4. Brings me back to childhood days yeah! The difficulty of that game has been raised, so its much more suitable for my age. Challenging and exciting.

Thats all for the games haha. I completed my part of the powerpoint for tomorrow's presentation. Next week is another chiong week before the midterm break. Guess what, 2 presentations, 1 essay, and 1 quiz. Nice eh. Well, I'll have a meeting 0830 in the morning to 1030, then lessons from 1030 to 1630, then anoother meeting after 1630. I would prolly go home at 1830. Nice timing. I'll never see the sunlight at home haha.

Term break term break, yeah!! but i'll have to go back to school for 4 days, 0930 to 1630 for a GE thats only operating during term break. 4 days to complete one module!! haha amazing.

In the afternoon, my friend and I went to watch Constantine. I'm just intrigued by the pronounciation of that name. Its pronounced as Constant-tin, not tine. kinda wierd haha. One phrase I got from that show. "Theres a role for everyone to play." Everyone exist for a different purpose, and the path is just set for you. The difference is in the way you travel the path. Well, I'll walk my path as well. A slightly different thinking I have, a slightly different belief I have. I couldn't say that its a complete difference. I didn't compare with others either. Its just different, I believe.

Sometimes, I really think I'm really too direct with things i want to say. I wasn't like this, and I'm not like this at all. I should have kept them inside. I was never a person who could express so freely and easily. Am I scarying people away? haha, i don't know. But I don't think anyone should, because I'm no pest. I'm just one who is learning to express. Don't be mistaken though, those things happen once in a million blue moons. Again, I feel that the order is all wrong. dumbo. Does it mean that I become dumb when i'm trying to be myself haha. But I know, it takes 2 hands to clap, but it takes one hand to slap haha.

Anyway, I know where I stand. After all, it'll be a new start. Tomorrow is a new start. To wake up from a period of dream is just a refreshing feeling. No matter what, face the music (argh listening to a piano piece while typing this really creates the atmosphere).

Enough of all those confusing stuffs haha. My parents and I went to a buffet in the evening. While my friends are dying to prepare those powerpoint slides, I'm outside enjoying myself haha. Feel kinda guilty. Its a damn good buffet. Freeflow of sliced abalone, sharksfin soup, fresh prawn, oyster, sashimi, and more! omg Those things really make me fat. Ahhh i guess i couldn't care about my size, even though my jeans always remind me not to eat so much haha.

Somehow, I got a feeling of sinfulness when i eat. Like what my mum says, while we were eating those things, there are people in the world who are starving. Yes, I don't feel good about it. You might ask," so what can you do?" I'll reply," I know i can't do anything now, but i'll be able to do something in the future, hopefully, at least i'll try, and thats a promise."

Good luck for my presentation tomorrow. We'll gonna show those people who's boss there muhaaha. I'm crazy. A battle every week.

12/02/05

Woke up with a nice morning light.... and lots of lion dance sound. Noisy.

yup its the second last day of holidays. Yeah and nice to find out something. I know good things doesn't come in my way. Its time to prepare myself for the reality again. But first.... I'm playing megamen anniversary collection... PS2 game. It really brings me back into the past. I completed part 1 and 2 in 2.5 hrs. Nice speed haha.

In the afternoon, I went to my buddy's house. Lots of people went there! OMG hahaa. more than 10 perhaps. Thats just amazing.

Heres something I typed somewhere,

Just as I thought my heart and mind has come to an equilibrium, an unexpected acquientence has rocked the calm sea within me. I don't have the confidence and i think it might just be too hasty. Just as I thought I could try to bring the distance down, an unexpected news came as a tranquilizer. I knew that good things won't come this way. Nevertheless, with my last strength, I would wanna complete what i wanted to do. I'm not a pesistent person when facing with these situations. I know when to stop, don't worry. Imperfect me. I'm only confident with certain stuffs, but not this. In the end, still the same phrase," let the wind lead the way"

There is still one last thing that i would want to do. Hee. I'm a dumer. yup thats me. I'm toooooo cool heee... somebody stop me! (I'm not cool at all. I'm just putting up a front.)

11/02/05

A nice harry's night for me. Tried long island ice tea. Its really a suitable drink for me. Strong enough to get me into the dreamy state with just half cup. And, i tried graveyard too. Combining this 2 really get me down. I'm struggling to type this too.

(Sentence deleted) haha I thank you.

I could type no more longer. I need to sleep. Totally wasted.

Another day.

10/02/05

2nd day of new year. I still.... stayed at home. I started with another piece. The gift that i did yesterday, wasn't suitable for the purpose that resides in my friend's mind. I wouldn't want it to be judged. The new one i wrote, could be allowed for that purpose. And i wouldn't mind it at all.

The new piece, "Jazzy beat" is just jazzy beat. Should be able to finish by tomorrow.

Somehow I might just be not a good enough person haha. What if i'm not as good as what the person thinks i am. Too many things happened to my past. My present sux and my future is dark. I have lost my sense of feel. I have forgotten how it feels like to be not alone. Haha somehow I might just be thinking to highly of myself while typing all these. This must be just a false feeling.

While i spend my mind writing the songs, somehow I have confirmed that the way that I express best is through music. But that doesn't work eh? Words still do better job with some things. What is communication without words?

Questions left inside... answers way outside. Who to bring them to me?

9/02/05

Today is the first day of the lunar new year. Although I slept at 3 am, i was able to wake up at 9am. I wanted to do my work, but I want to continue writing the song. Its the kind of feeling perfect for writing piece. I must thank that friend. Anyway, the piece is for the one who gave me inspiration. But its just not long enough to express all. The completed piece seems to be a summary. I have to express in 1.5 minutes, haha can't.

The song is a summary. So, should I expand on it? I don't know

I stayed at home the whole day. took 6 hrs to complete that piece. And then came my buddy, S, who had dinner with me and my family. Hah he played game with me until about 10 plus. Argh my dual game skills are sooo bad haha keep on losing to him, and i know he is giving in to me haha but i still can't win him. We also played gradius, haha can't complete too. Hard to play.

Tomorrow, I'll be at that place again hee. When its holiday, its always the place to go. Nice place.

I got lots of work argh, i want to finish them quick so that i can play throughout the rest of the holidays. But .. when there are lots of time for work, I don't seems to have the motivation to do them..... i'll most likely wait until its very rushy then i'll do. Sux haha.

The end.

8/02/05

Its new year eve, and I've forgotten to type again. I haven't sleep yet. Its nearly 3 am and i'm still alive and kicking. I'm having a nice mahjong game with my friends. I started writing another piece. This time is for a new friend. Just known for 2 weeks but don't know why seems like we've known for more than that duration. Anyway, i'm thinking too much.

I won't be doing work these few days. don't care. tonight i intend to stay awake until morning. Prolong my parents life.

Got to play mahjong. Blog next time.

8/02/05

Its new year eve, and I've forgotten to type again. I haven't sleep yet. Its nearly 3 am and i'm still alive and kicking. I'm having a nice mahjong game with my friends. I started writing another piece. This time is for a new friend. Just known for 2 weeks but don't know why seems like we've known for more than that duration. Anyway, i'm thinking too much.

I won't be doing work these few days. don't care. tonight i intend to stay awake until morning. Prolong my parents life.

Got to play mahjong. Blog next time.

7/02/05

I woke up with a funny dream in my mind. I could remember the contents of the dream so clearly. It was about some sort of secret formula of making some dried food. The scene was in the 1960s, coffee shop haha. Then theres this someone telling me that some flower can be very tasty after they are dried. Wierd haha.

Morning was so tiring because yesterday was a late night. Well, it was a damn happy night. Haven't laugh so much since a long time ago. Chatting with friends without any worries of offending them or anyone is such a cool thing. They are a bunch of nice and open minded people. I got nothing to offend them anyway haha.

Someone saw me this morning and asked me," why you look so tired?" I said," hangover" haha. It was a joke. A lychee Martini can't give me hangover. Anyway my face throughout the lessons was quite black because I can't lift my cheeks up to smile. The concert yesterday drained my whole facial muscles away. How do you like to have sunken cheeks haha.

The darn IT seminar. 2 weeks ago, the tutor assigned a presentation topic to 2 groups each. My group obvious got to present one of the topic. He clearly said that time," I'll tell you what to do, don't worry". In the end 2 weeks past, and nothing has been told to us, and so i thought the presentation was called off. In the end, today, he said," later, we'll have the presenting groups to tell us about the topics". I was like," WHAT!" in my mind.

So, i approached him during the break," erm but i think you didn't tell us what we need to present." You know whats his answer? "I'm waiting for you all to ask me" And he just went out of the room for the break. My fast turned black instantly. Throughout the seminar i showed him the black face. But in the end, things worked out because there was a mistake on the course coordinator's part. The mistake- the articles in which the presentation should be based on, was not available in the photocopying shop, which they thought it was. So... the fault turns to them. So now, my group has to prepare for that presentation throughout the New yr. Well, at least my participation marks isn't jeopadized. Thank god.

Thats all for today. Darn.

6/02/05

Concert is over. I've quite satisfied with my playing, at least no obvious mistakes. But lots of mispitches here and there, hope no one can spot it. haha play halfway, and got stunned when i got into difficult sections. I don't know why like that. Its internal phobia.

My solo... ah turns out to be too soft. Darn the percussions, what can i do? talking about the solo itself, not 100% according to what i wanted, but its 99% there. The audience liked my sound, at least most of my friends like it. "Amazing tone" they said. But another said," huh? you got solo meh?" Nearly fainted haha.

So... what did i do after the concert? Pubbing! my god, never have i tried that before haha. pubbing after concert. But only dranked one cup of lychee martini. NIce drink! Not much alcohol taste. Lychee taste!! haha but can feel the heat generated. Cool.

I wonder if my professor came for the concert, I didn't see him. Sigh. Some of my friends couldn't come for the concert because they had something on. They bought the tickets though, but couldn't come. That was quite disappointing. But, even worst, they paid for something that they didn't derive benefit from. Hmm next time, i'm gonna set this system. Those who wants to come for my concert, I'll make reservations without payment. Then, if they come, then they'll pay at the counter. This way, even if they couldn't make it, they wouldn't have paid for it. Its only fair that way. I don't want people to waste money paying for nothing.

Anyway, its late. Time to go into dreams again. The feeling of dream is coming back hee. Happy Chinese New year.... in 2 days time.

5/02/05

Concert eve. Heart pounding, sweat triggering. Today's rehearsal gave me a wake up call. I made so many mistakes that i have not made before. Its kinda dumb making those mistakes during the last rehearsal. Its just so heart breaking. I disappoint myself.

I started playing yoshi island again. I've told myself, my New Year holiday's 1st resolution is to complete that game before the holidays end. At least i've achieve something other than my school work.

I just feel so tired now that i just want to sleep. Good night people. Wish me luck for tomorrow.

4/02/05

*holiday mood* Don't feel like doing anything except slacking. Engine has almost come to a halt. After the final boost today for my in-class test, the total breakdown of my engine occurred. I, now prepares my mind for the concert on sunday. Never has a concert been so important to me before, and i'm going to put in 101% into it. Its gonna be mind over body. I know my lips doesn't have enough stamina to last through the whole concert, but i'm gonna put in every bit of my energy to focus my energy.

Today's test is just sooo difficult. Its just an unfair measurement . Those people who took this test last sem had a relative easier paper. This sem, we had to prepare Income statement, Statement of changes in equity, balance sheet, and notes to the accounts. Last sem, the balance sheet wasn't there. Theres not enough time to write all the necessary things in the notes! Although its an open book test, how i wish I hadn't flipped the notes for such a long time.

I made another stupid mistake that prevented me from balancing my balance sheet. The difference between Total Assets, and Total liabilies and equity, was 6'550'000, which is a darn obvious amount staring at me in the question paper. I have mistaken the Closing Retained earnings figure as the Opening Retained earnings. I would have balanced that damn thing if i've used the opening figure. That would probably cost me 5 marks. The good thing is that, the test amounts to 10% of the overall grading, so 5 marks out of 100 is 5% of that 10%. Not much eh? But that little percent might cost me dearly.

I couldn't finish my notes to accounts! I couldn't balance the damn thing. I sweated so much during the thing because the air-con isn't strong enough and i was wearing a sweater. I don't even have the time to take my sweater off!. So the mistakes I made would result in a probable deduction of marks, and i would give a reliable estimate of 20 marks gone. Based on the recognition principle provided in the Financial Reporting Standard, I would set a provision of lost marks in my mind. The prudence rule sets in. I wouldn't be soooo optimistics about my results. Darn

Slice of Life

The Way You Wake Up

Success in life can be as simple as looking at the way you wake up. If you can wake up in a happy, peaceful and positive frame of mind, then you will reclaim your confidence, your love for life, your desire to succeed. The mood with which you start the day sets the tone for the rest of the day.

One way of ensuring that you wake up in a positive and powerful frame of mind is to change your ritual before you go to sleep. Look back over your day. How are you describing what happened to you today?

Are you focusing on those incidents that drained you or the actions, feedback and feelings that made you feel good? You should concentrate on issues that give you power, what made you feel good. You see, what you focus on is what you get. So if you continue to focus on the negative and the draining issues then you have no choice but to feel sluggish and drained all the time. If you can allow yourself to drift off to sleep while thinking positively of your successes then you have the opportunity of being recharged through sleep and waking in a dynamic frame of mind.

It may sometimes be impossible to see the successes of the day. Maybe one particular day, everything seemed to go wrong for you. What can you do then? Well, think about it this way - it doesn't matter how bad the experience is; work with it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. Nothing can happen to you that isn't for your benefit. Even though when it is happening it doesn't feel like it. Do not just accept the draining incident and make yourself tired and discouraged but refocus your mind. Imagine that whatever happens to you is meant to happen to you and coming through it can only improve you.

And throw away your alarm clock. For many people this sounds ridiculous. How would you ever get up in the morning if it weren't for your alarm clock? But have you ever stopped to wonder what it is about your life that requires you to shock yourself awake? Can such regular rude awakenings be good for you? If you need some assistance in waking up by a particular time, try waking up to music, or use a more subtle method like a Zen Clock which gives a soft tone of increasing frequency, that will slowly and gently wake you up.

Wake up 5 to 10 minutes earlier, sit quietly and plant the seeds of peace and love in your mind. Listen to soothing music. Cultivate a feeling of warmth and peace. A feeling of love and acceptance. When you do this you are connecting with your natural power of peace and love which naturally bring freedom and positivity to your life. The result is a feeling of harmony and contentment. Now you're ready to face the world!

ahh i need to get rid of negativity before i sleep haha, and stop my alarm clock, but i need it!

3/02/05

I was so tiring this morning. I was quite down, but i don't know why. The morning lecture was like a lulluby to me. I was "gaining" back some sleep during the lecture. I was dragging myself from one point to another. Maybe I'm just stressed about tomorrow's in-class test.

But then when I went for my tax tutorial, I brightened up, and cracked stupid jokes. Well, i'm always stupid haha. My short term memory is just sooo bad. I always can't remember what i wanted to say.

Today I'm gonna sleep at 10pm to prepare myself for a long day tomorrow. I won't want to make stupid mistakes for my test again.

What does it mean when you feel happy when you can see that someone? I thought i've gotten over it. haha faint. Let the wind lead me somewhere.

2/02/05

I couldn't... I really couldn't brush away the thought that people might me unhappy with my way of working in projects. Its really making me uncomfortable. I hate the thought that if something bad is to happen to the results of that essay, fingers might point at me. The fear of failing and being pointed at.

One of the group member seems to be saying implicitly that the essay we have written isn't up to standard, and that other people's one is much better. I don't know what other people has written but I would wish for the best of what i've written. Actually most of the essay was written by me, so if its bad, then its me. How do you shake this kind of feeling off? Sigh.

But alas, the essay has ended. I would want to hide my abilities in grps that i'm not familiar with in the future. As i've said before, my performance has always been relative to how other people perform. If I have a strong grpmate, i'll lie low and be a supporter. I can't take heavy responsibility. Thats it.

My studying engine has started to slow down. Exhausted now. Its true that one needs to balance normal life with school life, or else too much of one thing will make your body off balance. You won't be able to perform that well then.

My body isn't holding up properly.... been feeling so yellow. Hope it hasn't come that soon. At least wait till i finish my studies. Haha i think i'm just being paranoid. I'll be fine.

I love the way my dog greets me when i get home. Wagging tail, moving back and forth to get my attention as i put down my bag. Sometimes i really wonder if she understands me. I could tell her all my problems and she won't get annoyed haha. great

Slice of life

Whatever May Come, Whatever May Go

Sometimes, when we encounter problems, we allow them to grow so large and menacing that they block out everything else. Like an eclipse of the sun, we are caught in a darkness that, for a moment, threatens to shut out the light forever.

We all know that the moon is tiny compared to the enormity of the sun. It only appears to overshadow the sun because of its shorter distance from us.

In the same manner, our problems sometimes seem insurmountable and the solutions cannot be found. We allow the problem to become so close to us, that life seems pointless. We disregard and neglect the things which can still give us joy and meaning.

Sara Teasdale writes about her encounter with a wise old man, whose simple creed enabled him to keep the joy in his eyes through the ravages of the years.

I saw him sitting at his door,
Trembling as old men do;
His house was old; his barn was old,
And yet his eyes seemed new.
His eyes had seen three times my years
And kept a twinkle still,
Though they had looked at birth and death
And three graves on a hill.
"I will sit down with you," I said,
"And you will make me wise;
Tell me how you have kept the joy
Still burning in your eyes."
Then like an old-time orator
Impressively he rose;
"I make the most of all that comes,
The least of all that goes."
The jingling rhythm of his words
Echoes as old songs do,
Yet this had kept his eyes alight
Till he was ninety-two

A short and simple tenet for us to keep in our minds, for the times when loss and disaster threaten to darken our hearts?

"Make the most of all that comes, and the least of all that goes."

1/02/05

I survived my 1st Tax quiz today, but I found out I have one confirm wrong answer straight after my quiz. I always make this kind of mistake haha. First instinct is always correct. This mistake happened to me during my ES102 quiz last sem. I never learn from mistakes haha.

Ah now is the time I report my ticket sales. I have confirmed with most of my friends, and 15 tickets have been sold, including 2 that i've given off to my favourite professor. I thank all my supportive friends. They are really great.

Finally settled the essay thats going to be handed in tomorrow. I don't know whats going to be the final result, but I have this in between feeling. Well, at least its not a too bad feeling. Let fate decide. I always let fate decide on things. If its yours, its yours. If its not yours, no matter how hard you try, you won't get it. At least thats what i believe. But humans always have this element of hope inside them, so trying becomes one of the actions that one might take to test out fate.

Its almost half the semester gone. I can't wait for holidays, so that i can become dreamy again. I'm very practical during the semester haha. Can't help it when i'm studying what the cruel world offers. And most of the people around me just seems so "cruel" to me. Ahhhh can't be bothered. As long as I'm with clear concious then i'm ok. And now, I don't seems to be bothered that much by how people view me. Because of that new thinking, I've been pissing people off. Haha. Not on purpose though. I'm just being myself haha.

Slice of Life

Improving Communication With Your Partner

Consistent, healthy communication is vital for your relationships. It's like the heart in the human body. It's easy to see why really - if you don't talk about your feelings, how will your partner know how you feel? And if your partner doesn't know, how can he or she react properly?

There are some things to note for healthy communication though; some couples seem to communicate often but it doesn't help the relationship because they're just venting and not listening. Or they're presuming too much, or taking things too personally.

Start by learning to listen. Now, some people seem to do that, but what they're really doing is waiting for their chance to cut in and defend themselves. They often sit while the other person is talking, waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger.

What you should do is listen actively and emphatically to your partner. Watch the facial expressions, the body language. Learn to listen to more than just the words since we often can't express what we're really trying to say in words alone.

Also, don't assume that you understand what your partner is trying to say. Ask for clarification. Sometimes, it can seem as though your partner is being sarcastic or insulting, or making a cruel joke about you, but you're basically just being over-sensitive. If you're not sure, ask. Very often, you'll find that you were off the mark completely. And trust your partner's clarification. If you can't trust your partner, then the relationship is doomed anyway.

Also, words have different meanings for different people. Some people say "interesting" when they mean "I think it's awful but I don't want to hurt your feelings". Learn to remember how your partner uses certain words or tones and what he or she is trying to convey. Take the time to study what he or she means by saying certain things. This will make your sharing experience much more pleasant.

There are certain topics that may trigger a fight-or-flight reaction. Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feelings that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up and avoid sharing or it might be something that touches a painful memory and they get into a defensive mode. Being aware of these triggers helps you learn how to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers.

Yes, healthy communication is tough, but if you're serious about making your relationship work, few things are more important.

Ahhhh this is what i've been learning about for communications between partner. Sigh, easier said than done loh. Because if one side uses communication while the other applies blaming, then how can things work out? Its very often that one side tries while the other side destroys. It takes 2 hands to clap lah haha.