31/01/06

新年第三天，灾难终于发生了。为什么新年要这样呢？不可以开心的过吗？吵真的对吗？我受不了了。我擅自出门了。我不想呆在家里，看着臭脸，一个和一个。我想去走走。当我在总站排队时，车来了可是我没有搭。 我转身，向着图书馆去。我带了我的文章去那里读。一个安静的地方。我真的是想向人倾诉，但是这样好象不对。当我真的快要疯掉的时候，我最要好的朋友打来的。是他救了我。当他说要来我家拜年时，我有一点犹豫，但是我不管，太久没有和人说话了。他来我家是对的。我也想看我家人要如何演戏。 笑吧。我看他们不知道他们对我所造成的伤害已经是没有救了。悲伤难言，影印难散。

他，为情烦。 我，为家烦。 难道“空”是最好的？ 好像也不对。朋友万岁。

30/01/06

家无一人，只有狗和我，相依为命。不想做事，但是心里会很不舒服。结果还是做了。。。一些功课。 可是当我心里想起以前的事实，例如“不管做多少，用功的人还是比不上天才”，我就一点冲劲也没有了。

还有两天的假期。。。

29/01/06

我做到了，昨晚，我挨到了早上六点。 结果，我十点就起来了。一整天就是昏沉沉的。

新年决定，我会坚强的活下去。 未来的路，等读完书在决定吧。 艺术与商场，我将会选择什么呢？

28/01/06

新年到，新年好，家家户户过新年。 炮竹大声响，愿大家都可以过个大肥年。 可是不要变肥啊。

新年应该高高兴兴，所以我不会说丧气话。 哈哈。 我不会讲笑话所以在此感到抱歉， 可是你也可以没有原因的笑。 那才是真正的开心。

等待鞭炮吧，不，是焰火。 新年快乐！

27/01/06

落叶的使命

叶，一片一片长在大树上。
没有怨言，不曾退缩，替它挡风和遮雨。
大树的快乐都是因为有了叶子的呵护。
这样的日子神仙都羡慕。

时光飞逝，一天又一天，怎样都不厌倦。
但是有一天，残酷的干旱出现了，苦不堪言。
叶子看见树的痛苦，便说出了这些。
“其实我不想离开，但是看到你这么痛苦，我实在不忍心再粘着你。”
“我希望你能坚强的活下去，面对以后的问题。"
"照顾你的誓言，就让其他的叶子来实现，请你一定要照顾自己。"

说完了以后，叶子离开了，飘落到大地。
虽然很难放下，总要放下。
落地之后，还是没有放下，依旧看着大树。
变成营养，滋润着它。
叶子的使命就是这样，永远都不会改变吧。

Slice of Life

Making Up Excuses

I asked a friend of mine recently why he seems unafraid of failure, and how he remains upbeat in the face of difficulties. And he shared his life philosophy with me - he said that every time he fails, he examines the situation critically, comes up with three reasons why he failed and from there, thinks of three ways he can improve. That way, he's always learning and constantly looking forward to a better future.

That made me think about how we all could benefit from that manner of thought. When we fail at something, or sometimes fail to do something, we make up excuses for ourselves - why we can't do something, why something can't be done, why we haven't moved towards our goals and so on.

Making up excuses takes a lot of energy and time. But it seems to be intrinsic to us, so here's a great way to make your excuses work for you. The next time you feel like making an excuse, instead of thinking of excuses why you can't, try making excuses why you can.

Since we all are experts in making up excuses, we won't need much training in this area, just a shift of focus. Instead of focusing on what we can't do, lets focus on what we can do. Instead of coming up with all kinds of excuses why it won't work, let's focus on why it can work. Kind of like how my friend comes up with three ways he can improve the next time. But you don't have to stop at three? give yourself no room to make up excuses why you can't.

Instead of focusing energy on excuses that don't serve you in moving forward, make up excuses that inspire and enthuse you to do what you want to do. Excuses like "there is no time like the present", "I am just the person to do the job", "I know all the ways it can work."

Be creative and think of as many as you like.

26/01/06

在课堂上，又在一次表现欠佳。 我真得很讨厌自己为什么不会回答那些问题。 在一次陷入谷底。 我也开始一直鼓励自己，但是我感到很假。 鼓励有用吗？ 要的话就读再读再读吧。

我希望这次的梦又会是好的。 我又觉得累了。

25/01/06

《大唐双龙记》即将到尾声了。让我有一些想法。还是一样，想太多啊。

1）喜欢一个人就代表专一吗？ 喜欢两个人就代表花心吗？
2）口里不说就代表不喜欢吗？ 说了就代表喜欢吗？

爱如戏 （我写的歌词）

万分的期待和无限的盼望开幕的那天。
之前听说戏中的喜怒哀愁，全部一点点。
到了那天你带着欢喜，和我看到开幕的那一刻。
那一瞬间是无法形容，感觉是那么的独特。

但戏到中场，变幻莫测，悲剧开始上演。
你心里的伤在一霎那间和那悲剧产生了共鸣。
无法离开，只能希望，悲剧早点完。
你其实希望和苦苦哀求，没有经过那一天。

是我的错，把一切都说得那么完美。（Chorus)
你的脸仿佛述说着一切的一切的一切。
是我太傻，想帮你把过去的悲伤拿掉。
原来一切，只有你自己才做得到。

是我不懂，你的伤原来是那么的深。
最后的我连说都不想再说下去。
我以为戏剧，可以带动你离开过去。
我没做到，我做不到。

但是你需要知道，爱有如戏一般，有开始就有结束。

当剧情落幕时，你会哭吗?

Slice of Life

Creating a Life of Abundance (Part 2)

Before we can create a life of abundance, we have to understand that three key areas contribute to its development - money, health and relationships. And when it comes to money, it's our thoughts and emotions that determine if we are financially secure or not. Our thoughts and emotions feed our beliefs and our beliefs are what drive our lives.

Many people believe that the occurrences that happen in their day to day lives happen because that is "Just the way life is". What many fail to realize is that the reason these things happen as they do is because that is what they are attracting to themselves through their belief system.

Take for instance Roger Bannister, the man who broke the all time record of running a 4 minute mile, on May 6th 1954. Until the time he accomplished that incredible feat, it was believed to be impossible, and beyond human ability to do so. That is until Roger Bannister came along, who broke the previous world record, and finished in an amazing 3 minutes 59.4 seconds! Once it was found that such a thing actually could be accomplished, that record has since been broken many times! Once people actually believed that it was possible, it became much more so!

Look at your own life. What self limiting beliefs have you allowed to hold you back from accomplishing your most sought after dreams and deepest desires? What unfulfilled dreams are you hesitating to act on because the world says that it's impossible?

You don't have to be a track star to create whatever it is that you desire in your life. You don't have to be someone else to achieve whatever you desire and enjoy more abundance in your life than you previously imagined. You don't have to be anything other than yourself. So what is the secret of abundance?

There isn't one. All that is necessary to attract all the abundance you could ever hope for, is for you to shed the self limiting beliefs that you have allowed to be stored as your truth. All that is required is that you develop an awareness of the overflowing abundance and unlimited potential given to you.

You have the power to choose.

Change your beliefs and you can change your life.

24/01/06

时间所剩无几。 人的生命就是这几十年，但是我还没有决定我会把重心放在哪里。当我听到我朋友说到有人的起薪可以高达一年一百八十千，我差一点从椅子掉下来。 我的将会是那笔的十五%。我不会管吧。

对自己的要求需要这样高吗？可以不顾一切平凡的过一生吗？可以不必比较吗？时间一久，心会淡吗？我还在策划，我还在揣摩，未来的景色，是否是彩虹。不策划就是在策划失败。

23/01/06

一个简讯，一个心义，传达至此，心存感激。 谢谢哦。

这句话：“相由心生", 说的一点也没有错。一个开心的人，不管样子多么的平凡，都会给别人一个很美的感觉。相反的，一个多么俊俏的人，如果带着黑色云朵，必定是丑丑丑。 我是不是看破红尘？ 好像用词不当。 哈。

今天好像在课堂上说太多话。我自几个觉得有一点对不起朋友。事情是这样的：有个小小的辩论，朋友带着一个新闻报道准备在那辩论大展拳脚。结果，我一声：“拿来"，就把那报章占为己由。结果，我就长篇大论，我朋友就无话可说。我其实想在我大论之时说那是从她拿来的，结果。。。 心里又是“哎呀”一声。 对不起呀。 以后我就带一些东西给你讲。

冷清的家里像一个空壳。

22/01/06

一路向北(头文字 D 插入曲)
词：方文山　曲：周杰伦

后视镜里的世界
(A painful sight from the rear mirror)
越来越远的道别
(A farewell that became so distant)
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
(I could still see your beauty at the moment when you turn your back)
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
(I could hear your tears, when I tried to keep you in my sight as I move away)
在车窗外面徘徊 是我错失的机会
(I lost my chance when you waited around my car)
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
(We are seperated by tears)
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零碎
(You broke down as I left the place)

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
(I head north to leave the my memories of you behind)
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
(You said you were tired and could not fall in love again)
风在山路吹 过往的画面 全都是我不对
(As the wind blows through the winding road, images of my failure went through my head)
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
(I am in guilt for I have hurt you)

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
(I head north to leave the my memories of you behind)
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
(The surroundings of the handle showed signs of regrets)
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
(I sped, but could not shake away the persistent sadness)
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
(I am in guilt for I have hurt you)
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹
(Stop the pathetic feeling, be gone the mistakes)


我的翻译功夫有够糟吧。 这就是音乐家的世界。以音乐抒发感情吧。

21/01/06

音乐，像生命的启动器，可以带动人的情绪。今天，南大管弦乐团在维多利亚礼堂举办了一场别开生面的演出。 乐团的指挥棒已经交到武弘小浦(Takehiro Oura) 的手中了。乐队的启蒙老师是陆开乐老师。 他把二十年的生命献给了乐队，在我们的心中永远是老师。老师其实也出有现指挥。他指挥的是校友乐团。

其实我今天对乐队的演出是分赞赏。尤其是现任指挥的音乐造诣，真是没话说。他在节目表里所提的都是金玉良言。 音乐的三大基础在于（一）音准(intonation)，（二）节奏(rhythm)，（三）和谐(harmony)。没有这三大要素，谈什么音乐感情(expression)。日本管弦乐团能够在国际领域上有一个名堂都是靠这三个要素。我对这个想法表示十分赞同。

今天的南大乐团已经今非昔比了。我真得很羡慕他们的节奏控制和声量控制。让人感到十分舒服。音色也可以说是绕梁三日。

每一次我看到别的乐队演出，我都会为西风乐团感到自卑。我感觉西风乐团真的缺少那三个要素。怎么办？ 一个只会最求声量的乐队是不会走得很远的。看来一切就让天来决定吧。

音乐是一个讲究完美的东西。音乐家为了达到这种完美，不管多少时间也肯花。就是因为这种完美需求，音乐家的思想也有所不一样。 也许说，音乐家很难找到能够和自己的思想产生共鸣(resonance)的人。 我看我也开始陷入那个谷里。

Slice of Life

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Complex our minds may be, but it can really only hold one thought at a time. If you're looking for a way to feel better at any given moment, all you have to do is change what you are focusing on. Your brain is a very powerful tool that you own and you should use to your advantage.

When was the last time you were reminiscing about a great time in your life and it made you feel terrible? When was the last time you were thinking about a painful event in your life and it made you feel good? These paradoxes exist because what you focus on is what you get!

With this in mind, the next time you find yourself in a less than desirable situation, be sure to find the positive side of it and focus your attention on that. Not only will you feel better about the situation, but also you will actually be in a better frame of mind to work through it. With this mind-set you will find yourself focusing on the solution rather than the problem.

The best way to control your focus is to ask yourself good questions. Such as "what can I find that is good in this situation?", "what have I learned from this that will make me more successful the next time?", or "how can I make this situation better?" By asking yourself effective questions, you will force your brain to look for and find a solution for what you can do to solve a problem and how you can make a situation better.

On the other hand, if you ask yourself self-defeating questions - such as "why does this always happen to me?", "why can't I have that?", "what did I do to deserve this?" and similar ilk, your brain will look for those exact answers and tell you why bad things happen to you, why you can't have something and why you deserve something bad. Now it's one thing when someone else tells you something like that, but when you tell it to yourself, you are sure to believe it! So be your own best cheerleader.

Practise focusing on positive thoughts and learn to ask yourself effective questions that will lead to constructive answers. If you look hard enough, there will always be a positive side to every situation. And for the challenges you must face in life, focus on the solution, not the problem. If you focus on the problem at hand, you will never find the solution. Focus on your dreams and they will become a reality. Ask yourself, "how can I reach my dream?"

Don't be surprised when your brain gives you the answer!

勇気わなんですか？　私の勇気わどこにですか?　

20/01/06

新年即将来临，但是节日对我来说已经没有意义了。 日子还是这样嘛。

开学了，什么时间都没有。惨惨惨。

嘿嘿，我真的没有话说。每天就是吃拉潵。 希望我的读者不是再吃饭。

还是麻醉自己吧。 我真的是十分喜欢唱歌哈哈。用喊的。

19/01/06

我今天在课堂上的一战，算是功德圆满。 我竟然把我的男子尊严放开了，把自己变成一个小丑。其实我已经不管了，他们要笑就笑个够。 只要我的目标达到了，什么都不管。我知道我不能在考试中好好表现自己，那我就需要在课堂上显得与众不同。但是好像是方向不对啊。我本应该让老师觉得我是一个高等学生，但是现在是班上的笑柄。我不畏惧，我不难过。只要目的达到了，就可以了。我知道我真是下贱。你们要看不起我就看不起吧。

我还是觉得话语比较适合我。能够更好的写出我想说的。可能这将是我以后写网上日记的主要语言了。

晚上的彩排没有我想象得那么好。 也许是我的心病又重现了。我到底是少哪儿根茎啊，一时快乐，一时忧伤。 世上没有永久快乐的，但是我不喜欢这种感觉。看来我也是一个很会发牢骚的人。 我在学校看到的人当中，都没有一个像我这样子。 这一点，我保证我是与众不同。 这是谁教我的 “有话就说”？ 好像是。。。。

人生启示
Stories - The Hiding Place

The Creator gathered all of Creation and said,

"I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it.

It is the realization that they create their own reality."

The eagle said, "Give it to me, I will take it to the moon."

The Creator said, "No. One day they will go there and find it."

The salmon said, "I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean."

"No. They will go there too."

The buffalo said, "I will bury it on the Great Plains."

The Creator said, "They will cut into the skin of the Earth and find it even there."

Grandmother Mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth, and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said,

"Put it inside of them."

And the Creator said, "It is done."

18/01/06

大家好，欢迎你收听《小人物的心声》。 今晚由神金病主持这个节目。 我们很荣幸的请来了一名无名小卒来为我们的节目增添一点色彩。无名，你好。

无名：啊，你好。

神金病：听说你还在念大学，觉得生活怎么样？

无名：哦，压力重重，好像被夹在两片面包的肉。 感觉上时间都不够用。 但是认识了很多好朋友。 虽然竞争力很强，玩的时候还是很疯。

神金病：听起来还不错。那，你也刚刚完成你的实习期而回返学校对不对？

无名：是呀，刚觉好像做了一个梦。 学到了很多东西，也遇到了很多人，有好的，也有坏的。 有一位学长真的对我超好，不但是常请我吃东西，还教了我生存之道。 他给我的表现评价也是超好。 朋友看了都羡慕我。可是，我也不巧的看了别人的表现评价，人人的都超好。 现在觉得我真是一个普通的无名小卒。哈，要不然我也不会被请到这里来。

神金病：别这样想，每个人都有自己的长处，没有人是完美的。那，你对这学期的看法如何？

无名：别提了。 经过这三天，我觉得过去两年的学校生活是地狱折磨。 还好我还活着。这学期虽然感觉轻松，但是我不可以掉以轻心。 每个人一定会应为使最后的从此而变得很努力。 我，也不是一个天才，我是靠努力才熬过来的。 当每个人都加倍努力，我的努力就看起来不怎么样了。嘿。。。。 我也是一个从失败学习的人，但是这不是一件好事。 往往，一旦失败了就很难再爬起来了。 我也不了解，为什么会有人不必失败就能成功。 在我的周围就有很多这样的人。我妈说：“只要读完就好，不必读得很好，也不用和别人比。” 还好家人要求不高啊。

神金病：真的是很好的妈。 那你的感情世界一定很发达吧。

无名：你大错特错了。 经过两年半来的冰封自己，什么对我来说都麻木了。有时候好想要冲破冰群，但另一个自己又阻止我。过了这么久，我也不知道我还知不知道怎么对人好。而且，恐惧感真得很重。 到了现在，我还不知道我到底要的是什么。 而且，我到底有资格吗？

神金病：真糟糕！难道你要等到每个人都成双成对了你才会担心？醒一醒吧！

无名：我也不知道。真狼狈哦。 就算我厌倦了这样的生活，我有时间去想这样的事吗？如果我知道我无法给我的百分之百，我又怎么能够。。。。 难道我可以说：“哦，可是我没有很多时间陪你喔, 自生自灭吧，哈哈”。

神金病：你神筋病啊。

无名：啊别说了，每次提到这种世界感到不舒服。再说我就匾你啊。

神金病：好好，不提就不提。 我们时间也不多了。 那我们就在这里和各位听众说再见吧。 谢谢您的收听。下一次，同样的时间，同样的播道，收听我们《小人物的心声》。 谢谢。


节目过后。。。。十五分钟，在播音室的后面。

神金病：哎呀！好痛。你在干吗！！？？

无名：你这个王八蛋！ 开匾啦。 无聊节目，不要再叫我来了！

Slice of Life

Start Your Own Home Business!

When we were kids, we fantasized about growing up, getting a job, and making lots of money. That money would buy us truckloads of ice-cream and action figurines. But after years in the rat race, we now decide that we no longer want to be rats. We no longer want to make money doing a job that we don't love for a boss we can't endure, just so we can have our ice-cream and action figurines. We don't even want our sweets and toys any more - we want more love, more family, more time doing the things we love with the people we love.

A great way to get away from the corporate world and to provide for your own job security as well is to start a home business. No money to buy or rent an office? Worry not, you can register your business using your home address in Singapore! But what kind of business would you run from home? That is the most important and fundamental question. In order to answer it though, you'll need to ask yourself a series of other questions.

1 - What is the deepest desire of my heart? 2 - What stirs my passions? 3 - What flows naturally out of me? 4 - Where do I bring forth fruit or produce good results? 5 - What do other mature people see in me? 6 - What thoughts, visions, and dreams are impossible to put out of my mind? 7 - To what can I give 100% of myself for my whole life?8 - What do people want to gather around me and help me to do?

If you will sit down and honestly consider these questions with somebody that knows you well, you'll come up with some surprising answers. You can find a purpose in life that will allow you to provide an income for yourself and your family while you are doing what your heart desires, everyday!

17/01/06

I suddenly find so much time for studying. Another problem arise. Mind stamina. I didn't think that there are so many elements needed for one to study effectively. Here they are,

Time, Environment, Mind stamina, Material, Methodology, and many more i think.

I can finally do this.... "eh there is tutorial on thursday... nvm do one day before that."

thinking back, why did I torture myself ha. Looking at the bright side, I can never stop my undying thirst for knowledge. (some people is vomiting i know).

I want to tell myself that results doesn't matter, so don't chiong so much. (Even chionging doesn't help much). But, I can't help it. Help.

不管是贫苦，还是发闷，只要是和对的人在一起，一切都会是甜蜜的。 对吧。

16/01/06

school days, nothing much to say. Everything is back to normal. My normal self.

15/01/06

心如冰，麻。
梦如幻，空。
深如洋，困。
焦如岩，缠。

I must be a damn lousy 诗人。 I not chinese expert.

I am master of none and JERKS of all trade. haaa.

I just don't know why, the chiem things Westwinds play isn't giving me the excitment. I prefer to play more emotional pieces. Those war stuffs is really getting into my head. For once, I thought NUS repertoire interest me more. No wonder i need 2 bands. One for leisure, one for mastery.

I was really shocked when the conductor came and gave me a thumbs up. Now, finally gotten appreciated. I am really shocked about my progess in music playing. It seems like I have surpassed another barrier. Lets see how far I can reach before my body starts failing me. (Lungs capacity falls starting from 25, i think.)

I am appointed the SL for Westwinds Lower brass today, excluding trombones. Good or bad thing? It was my dream long time ago. Now....

I am really avoiding alot of things, opportunities. Band teaching, Singing competition, Committee member for Westwinds, and... maybe no more liao I hope. More responsibilities, more expectations, more disappointments.

I think I should hug my Jay Chou's songs and sleep.

14/01/06

I just feel so wierd.

空荡荡的心，加上了枷锁，
钥匙已丢弃，找不回。
无谓的挣扎，不需要。
无限的渴望， 已破碎。
片淋满地，拾不回。

天空的云，变幻莫测。
海里的水，仿佛色彩。
雨来临时，模糊不清。
猜不透，何时放晴。

决定要放下，决定不再想。
但看到一幕幕的情景，还会泪流满地。

童话世界里的快乐是否存在？
梦境里的相遇是否会实现？
短暂相聚的快乐，时间虽然少，
但是比永久的悲伤来的好。

心不在。 冰冻在深海。永久沉睡。

Effects of not enough sleep.

13/01/06

The feeling of leaving a place, is really something unexplainable. Experiences, even so hateful, even so wonderful, all disappears on the last day. I thought i was quite nasty during the feedback meeting with the HR department. I made it seems like I hated my stay in the firm. The HR people had to come and talk to me personally for the actual incident that happened. Am I such a trouble maker?

Everyone was so neutral-to-good during that meeting, and I don't like to praise alot. If I ever praise someone or something, that means its really good. Since everyone praised the firm so much, I didn't need to hide my anger that was inside me. The anger was actually so well controlled that it actually nearly disappeared. I unleashed it today, in a professional manner, to bring up to those people about that thing. Expectation vs Performance. We are trainees, remember?

That job was the one that I put in extreme effort. That job was the only job I stayed so late and did not ask them for any OT claims. That job was the only job that I stared at the documents knowing barely anything what I need to do with them. I have told them I didn't do any inter co accounts before and I don't recognise the document that she ask me to look at, and worst still, the words are so light that I could barely make up what was written on it. "Tie the figures" was the request. My mind.... "where, what?"

At the end of the day, I did receive such a bad evaluation...... with some below expectation remarks. Steady.

However, I think I still made a big HuHa at the meeting. I might have caused the school's image to drop in the firm's eyes. I might have made all the interns looked bad. I might cause the firm to look into the matter and find out who that IC was and then a chain reaction will occur.

HR find IC, IC fedup, I go back work, IC book me, Freak me up during the job, give me bad evaluations again, lose my yr end bonus, lose my job.

If I have kept quiet, then everything would be fine right? What a confusing thing.

Well, so much for those work related stuffs. Tonight spent so much during the gathering I can't believe it. I thought I spent my whole PwC allowance on today's activities. But haaa I think I left some for savings. Ktv was fun. We got the lady-killer, the JJ expert, the David tao expert, the teacher (ME!), the AhGoGo lady, the ultimate drinker, and perhaps the oldies expert.

Well, my friends are super singers. Got feeling woh. I think I still sound better on my Eupho (not a flute!).

Eiyo, I never know someone could sing Wu Ding that steadily. I messed that up. Kudos.... AhGoGo lady.

How abt Shan Hu Hai? My ktv Kaki is most compatible as yet hee. But the middle section is really hard. Well, donno.

*Somethings are damn wierd, somethings are damn confusing. Whats what? Who then? I'm confused.

Slice of Life

Self-Limiting Beliefs

Self-limiting beliefs are those things you believe about yourself that place limitations on your abilities. They may be conscious or unconscious. They may be founded or unfounded. For example?

"I am fat, so no one will marry me."

"I am not lucky; I won't get the job."

Now it may well be a fact that you are fat. That no one will marry you as a result definitely isn't. And luck isn't the criterion for getting a job. You get jobs based on merit.

Many limitations exist only in your mind. You can do anything if you make up your mind to do it. Determination always finds a way around obstacles.

Our thoughts and beliefs colour our vision and perception of the world. They determine our actions or inactions. Thoughts affect feelings. Feelings affect behaviour. Behaviour produces results (or the lack of them). It all begins with our thoughts, since we have to accept a thought for it to become a belief.

It's been said that whatever you believe becomes your reality. You do not believe what you see; rather you see what you already believe. For this reason, two people facing the same situation may interpret it differently, act according to their different beliefs and experience different outcomes.

Fortunately, you can get rid of self-limiting beliefs. But first you have to identify them. They could be lurking in the recesses of our minds without our awareness. Talking with a friend or consulting with a coach could give you more objective feedback as to their existence.

Once you have identified them, these limiting beliefs must be challenged every time they rear their heads. You must consciously reject any thought or suggestion that you are limited in any way. When self-limiting thoughts are starved of attention, they wither and die. What are some self-limiting beliefs you can reject today?

12/01/06

All the work related problems was solved by my great friend in office. Well, she can go and write this book called Bloomberg-Made-Easy. It made my life so easy and I could shake legs in the afternoon. Don’t tell my IC though. To repay the favour, I went to help her do some research. Haaa so it’s not really shake legs also. Perhaps I was shaking my leg when I was doing my work.

Tomorrow is my last day of intership, and…. All disputes, all grudges end there. Actually, I don’t care haaa, cuz I’m going back there anyway. I’m so bad during the last few days… bad bad. One lesson….. Never book a VT for an important job when he/she is ending the internship.

My day ended with band. I can’t imagine, I found another person who can blend with my sound so much. I could feel the state of total indulgence in playing that melody, a duet to be precise. Must be the acoustic there. The crescendos and decrescendos are perfectly timed. After playing that section, I could feel the lingering sensation in my heart, right at my heart. Bert Appermont always writes good eupho duet parts. Well done Miss Yoke (Yolk!!) haaa. That section is called Song of Hope, from Noak’s Ark (I will look forward to present that part of the piece to the audience). NUS, emotional playing…. Westwinds, Stressful-high standard playing? Eiyo, which one suits me? Confused. I just know Miss Yoke really humours me.

Ok, time to sleep.

*Its still painful to talk about those kind of things? I really don’t know. I can’t explain.


Concert
Repertoire for West Winds in Concert 2006 (In Order)


West Winds in Concert 2006
Victoria Concert Hall
12th March 2006, Sunday
Time to be confirmed

1. March - "Wind for the Future"

2. American Overture

3. Arrival of the Queen of Sheba for 10-pieces Brass

4. Intermezzo Sinfonico from Callveria Rusticana - Mascagni

5. Jurassic Park - John Williams arr. Paul Lavender

--Interval--

6. Sinfonica Hungarica - Jan Van Der Roost

7. In the Mood - Joe Garland arr. Naohiro Iwai

11/01/05

"I've been searching through the dark, finding my way. In this cold and lonely path, I sense the tiredness in every step i take. The smell of the damp floor, the sound of water dripping from the ceiling, sent shivers to my shoulders. The dangers I faced, the unknown ahead, the fear I sense in every step, makes me wanna just stand there forever. Just be a statue, that couldn't feel anything. Just be a robot, that does whatever people tells me to. Just be a dog, that follows around. Just....."

Today, I am really experiencing a walk in a dark cave. I was given :"please do this." And that is all I know. To complete this, there are so many things to learn, to try, to do, to experience, to think, to encounter. Heres something I tried today, without any help from any senior. I hate this feeling of lost.

1) Email and call someone who I don't know just to ask about the Bloomberg system at this unknown floor (luckily i could confirm with a friend). Worst still, I emailed 2 person cuz the first didn't even bother to reply me. The second person replied like 3 hrs later. Before that, I was already on that floor, trying to figure out what to do with that system. I stood at that damn machine for 5 minutes, looking at person someone to help me.... well, I am alone. Then someone walked in, someone who wants to use that machine. And this is the chance, ASK. "How to.... this, how to .... that?" I have to actually learn how to use it... myself. The only thing that person taught me is...... well, you can use the help function inside. "Ok thankz", I thought.

2) Since that system is fully booked (I check through the booking list, which i happened to see.... no one tell me that I have to book beforehand. I know I know, its common sense. Duh), I called my IC telling her that. She said," ah? need to book one ah?" "Damn", I thought. "Ok let me call the client to see if you can use their machine there." *after a while* "ok, please help me to collect a document at this tower, go change pass from the lobby, go 10th floor, call this person, then go use their bloomberg machine", she said. That is all I know. I went, and I called.... damn this person didn't pick up the phone, and I called 5 times before the call was routed to another person. I told this person what was my purpose and..... got routed to another. Before I hear that another person's voice, I got cut off. "damn", I thought.

I called another 2 times, before someone actually asked me what I want. The original person didn't appear. "I need to get this document, blar blar, and use your...... bloomberg machine", I said. Immediately, the "WHAT!" came. And I explained that some arrangement must have been made between my IC and their people. "I was so bold", I thought. I finally got "invited" inside their office, with that person's face, totally black, stating "why the bloody hell are you here?"

So, I talked to another 3 new people inside who simply has no idea why I was there. Damn, so I explained. I got the document I wanted. I also went to the bloomberg machine and..... damn, even more crowded. I called my IC again.... "Help!" I thought.

In the end, I went back to office..... I looked like a bloody ass, carrying my damn laptop to and fro. Luckily it wasn't raining. I parked myself at the bloomberg floor, and did more work. If the original work isn't enough, there was more.

3) I was asked by my IC to..... make an overseas call...... and ask for some excel files and documents to be faxed over. Problem..... 1) fax number? 2) how to call overseas? 3) no phone at my seat? 4) How about the tonnes of work already on hand?

I happen to see this collegue and tried to ask about the overseas call casually. I need a PIN NUMBER, and I don't have it. "Damn", I thought. Ya, and I need the charge code??????

Then.... a light shined when I saw that email address of my oversea target in one of the emails sent from one guy to my team IC. Phew, no need to call oversea, thank goodness. I sent an email over, but I still need the fax number. So, I sent a message to one of my senior in a previous job..... no reply. (where are all the people when you need help?) No choice... I had to call my team IC for the 4th time (making myself look so stupid and useless to my IC again) for the fax number.

She told me.... " I still need you to call that person because I need that document urgently. Oh ya you need a pin number, do you have it. Nevermind, I give you mine." "Now then you tell me," I thought. Finally, she told me how to make that dreadful overseas call. I have never made an overseas call in my life. For the first 8 times of calling, I missed out the 019 and tried all permutations of the method of calling. Luckily the overseas calling system is mechanic, or else that person would have scolded me "YOU ASSHOLE" for bothering them so much. I think the machine might spoil after I called so many times.

I got through to that person, and .... he don't know what information and documents we need even though I sent such a thorough email to him. He requested me to send a sample document to him. Ok, "damn", I need to fax overseas as well?????? so many new things to try today? Another problem..... the documents i have contained client sensitive information. So, I called my IC AGAIN????!!!! Of course, she told me cannot send.... "so how am i going to tell that guy what info we wanted," I thought.

Here is another initiative again (I hate to take initiative). I took the headings of all the info from that client's document, and tries to explain what those headings mean. I sent over to that overseas guy through email, and called him to see if he understands. *No more contact with him after that*

*back track* I forgotten to mention about the traumatic experience in learning about the bloomberg system. Actually, after I learnt how to get the info I wan, I find myself so dumb about those questions. I used the function "IB Help" and went into a chat room with the help desk. Hello!! I know nuts about that bloody system, practically 0 knowledge. Don't even know how to log in loh. I have to look for clues, and I did. But I couldn't enter the words I typed. I cannot even backspace words. So.... no choice, I have to bug someone AGAIN?! Luckily that person is much more helpful and friendly. Malays can sometimes be very friendly. Every race, in fact, will have friendly people.

So, the system hanged slightly, she told me. So, the whole system restarted. And, yes!! I can type into the chat box now. So, chat chat chat.... ORH!!! like that ah. Ya, but.... what do those symbols mean??? the help desk person typed, "enter this 6733 (ticker number) EQUITY (in yellow) QRM " " perhaps you can use the ALLQ function.

1st question.... where to type this kind of commands? So i search high and low. I still donno, so I typed in the help chat "so where do I enter the commands?" She replied:" enter at the place where you do normally." "Wah thankz ah, nice answer", I thought.

In the end, I managed to figure out... after a while. So I worked on it. Then another problem came up. And I "Chat" again. This time, that helpdesk person has to call me on the bloomberg phone in front of me to help me. But a commotion here as well. That person called and.... "can I look for blar blar (not my name)?" "She is at her table," I answered. I didn't know its for me, cuz I was using another person's log in ID. Then I found out after asking that Blar blar person. Haaa, made a fool out of myself to the helpdesk person. At least the problem was met.



Hmm, what an Ass day. These few days of job made me feel certain things. There are things even the seniors don't know and they will ask the newbies to so called "go-and-try-and-die". If the newbie can get things done, good. If not, then can point fingers at them. "Because they didn't do the job properly" This is why, I am doing things based on the idea of "As-long-as-you-get-the-job-done-I-don't-care-what-you-do". I think that I have a very bad evaluation because I asked too much questions. And its NOT FAIR because we can't rate our seniors back. When they are expecting too much from us, we cannot complain. When they don't explain things well, we cannot complain. When we don't have the resources to complete the work, we cannot complain (for example, IPower, Overseas call PIN, Offsite server Function, VPN, Retain3 file).

So much for the one of the toughest day as an Intern. I should be able to get more things done tomorrow since I sorted out all necessary things, eg. using bloomberg machine, call overseas.

Looking forward to lunch tomorrow for a good chat.

10/1/05

Spent 3 hrs in the morning writing a stupid executive summary for PA report. Ok for you guys out there, its not that I so "good", write that report so early. Its just that I know I am "bad" so I need more time than all of you in writing that stupid report.

And then I gave up continuing it and started cleaning my room. Mum kept bugging me to do it, so I do it. Well, the room is only 30% done. I just do one part and mum do the rest. I so "good" boy right? haaa. Anyway I don't know whats into me today, whole day so tired. Don't even feel like moving.

But then, I managed to drag myself out to my Pri school buddy's house for some chat and gaming thingy. I saw how Maple story looks like and would love to play it when I get my hands on broadband!! haaa. I'm crazy.

I then went to look for a wrist rest to replace my old one. Old one is a soft cow. New one..... a bone shape!! cute one, not the skeleton one. Haa can't believe i found it in Popular. Its the dog year, so everything should go with the Dog theme. Ya, and me.... obey like a dog.

I really seemed to have wasted some time today, but just cannot explain where did the time go. sigh. Back to my games bah.

9/01/06

Dinner is so tasty, even though its already cold, and its just a normal mixed rice at 2.50 bucks. Reason being..... My stomach was empty since 12pm today and I didn't eat. I forgotten to bring my wallet out!! Well even so, I have learnt something from today's experience. Everyone will have to work to have something to eat. The feeling of having no money is really something to experience. I bet its something those rich people would never experience. The feeling..... unexplainable.

Ok, I received appraisals from my team ICs. What my friends saw today, was only one side. The other appraisal i received is really bad haaa. But then I'm not angry cuz that IC might have appraised me based on my actual performance. Anyway, as long as I don't outperform and don't underperform, I'm contented. My new principle," a normal person"

So happy to be back in office because I can see my friends again, especially those who really know me. Well, haaa one who know me for a while and seems to know me alot. Eiyo, you can read minds? dangerous haaa.

Actually, I'm not unhappy. I'm just so numb to unhappy things until they become so normal for me. Then i won't feel unhappy when those bad things happens. Well, isn't that great? Yup. I hope to stay this way. Being negative makes positive things look even better. Being hungry makes tasteless rice taste like seafood.

Slice of Life

Forgiveness Therapy

When someone hurts you, there is nothing you can do to undo or reverse the hurt. You might feel that retaliation can assuage your pain, that your suffering can be made worthwhile by causing injury to your attacker, but it only keeps you stuck in a place of hatred. The grudges you harbour are like an anchor that keeps you weighted down. If you continue to hold an intense grievance, you are giving what happened in the past the power to determine your present emotional well being. Until you forgive, you will be victimized over and over again, trapped in an emotional prison, unable to move on with the rest of your life.

But do you really believe in forgiveness? Are some injuries so grievous that they should not be forgiven? Murder, for example? Or an extra marital affair? Or can everything, ultimately, be soothed by the balm of amnesty? Each one of us will have a different view of the extent and scope of forgiveness. But in order to get on with our lives, we all have to try. Even the parents of Protestant and Catholic families in Northern Ireland whose children had been killed by each other, had to find some way to reject the cycle of violence and embrace peace. Studies have shown that there are measurable benefits to forgiveness:

For instance, forgiving is good for your health. Studies show that people who forgive more readily report fewer health problems while people who blame others for their troubles have a higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.

Forgiving is good for your peace of mind. Studies of divorced people show that those who forgave their former spouse were healthier emotionally than those who chose not to forgive. The forgivers had a higher sense of well being and lower anxiety and depression.

If you're trying to forgive, but find it extremely difficult, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, forgiveness is a process - it takes time and patience. You must be ready. Realize that forgiveness is for you - not for anyone else.

You also have to understand that forgiving does not mean you are condoning the actions of the offender or what they did to you. It does mean that you will blame less and find a way to think differently about what happened to you.

Forgiveness gives you the chance to leave the bad things in the past, and refocus on the positives in your life. To invest more time, energy and love on the people and things you still have.

Remember, a life well lived is the best revenge.

Slice of Life

Empowering Others

Delegating is a commonly misunderstood concept. Delegating is not about dumping problems or chores you dislike doing onto the shoulders of others; it's an invaluable tool for motivating and training your team to realize their full potential.

We have the ability to assist another person in capitalizing on their full potential. This person could be your spouse, your child or co-worker.

How many thousands of dollars do people spend on motivational tapes, programs, workshops, coaches, and training seminars on learning how to make best use of our abilities? Most people want true fulfillment, in all areas of life.

Therefore, it benefits you and your loved ones to learn how to delegate.

Make sure this person knows what you want done, that they can actually complete the task, and they know how to do it.

Many people worry that if they let others do a job for them, they will lose control or the job will not be completed as well as you would have done it.

When you think about tasks you can delegate, decide what is "good enough". Don't judge others based on your own benchmarks. You'll soon see how happy people are to help you and how good they feel doing a job that requires them to make their own decisions. They feel empowered and your confidence in them only helps.

Give your children a chance at loading or unloading the laundry. Allow your spouse to guide you to your destination using the street directory. Assign a special project to your subordinates at work. Even a toddler can help set the table. The cutlery may not be in the right places, but one day they will get there! You're laying an important foundation.

So empower your loved ones today. Delegate some jobs that they can feel proud completing.

Slice of Life

Motivating Your Team

We're all aware of how important teamwork is. An inspired team, working together toward a clearly defined goal, can accomplish tremendous results. But how do you get all co-workers to pull together and realize they are a vital link in a much bigger picture?

Remember that individuals make a team. Individual contributions add up to the greater whole. Ask for the team's ideas and suggestions and base specific goals on these. Be sure each team member understands his/her role in the overall plan.

Communicate clearly. Present information in an organized, easy-to-follow way. Make it clear; communication within the group is a two-way process. Acknowledge everyone's thoughts, ideas and fears equally. And above all, be honest.

Be a good example. Maintain firm, fair and clearly understood standards. Tackle unpleasant tasks as soon as possible. If criticism is necessary, make it constructive. Keep emotions in check.
Delegate. No one can do everything. Understand which jobs don't need your personal touch and trust them to someone else. Match jobs to skills and abilities, providing necessary training and encouragement. Provide goals and guidelines.

Accept change. Discuss changes - also suggested changes - with your team thoroughly. Reassure team players that the changes are positive, clearly pointing out the benefits. Encourage all members to express their feelings about what's happening and tend to wounded egos appropriately.

Praise with specifics. Focus on performance and behaviour and not on the person. Do it regularly and in a timely fashion.

8/01/06

I have come to enjoy playing in westwinds even more. After they returned from Japan, the motivation and musical proficiency seemed to have improved even more. I can heard the "Organ" sound produced when all of us play in chords. We are starting to follow the Japan style.

I just found out from my friend as well that Westwinds is not just a band known in Singapore. We have made friends from all over the world. I can't believe it. Even though we can't match the international level of music, but the whole bunch of us is really united. I can't say how much i'm proud of them. I, of course, have been more violent in my playing style to suit them. Blast away!.

Coming concert, Highlight---- Sinfoniq Hungarica! 30+ mins. Violent haa.

Rain rain the whole day. Cold cold the whole day. I like today because no work related stuff inside my mind. Leave it to tomorrow or next weekend. So busy, so crazy. School. Oh ya, and Spring cleaning. My mum bugging me to do it. Oh man, back to house chores too. sigh.

7/01/06

I pushed myself so hard, so hard, and I finished my planned work in 4 hrs instead of the planned 8 hrs. I'm so happy that I can enjoy tomorrow without any thoughts on any work.

The rain came so heavily. It just smashed onto me. I got so drenched even though I had umbrella. Its a retribution. Who ask me to laugh at my friend. On my journey to band prac.... I was frozen inside the bus. I was holding on to my bag and I don't feel like moving. My eyes were staring at one spot, with no thoughts in the mind. Feel like sleeping, feel like dying. Frozen. The whole world is so cold, so cold. My inner clock seemed to have frozen at that point, and felt that the world is just so cold. Its going to be cold. Even colder when school begins.

I don't want to be bothered by other people. I don't want to be bothered by how happy they are. I don't want to be bothered by how successful they are. I don't want to be bothered by how popular they are. I don't want to be bothered by how much they can earn. I don't want to be bothered by how good their results are. I don't want to care.

I sound like a real loser haaa. But as long as I happy, who cares right? At the end of the day, life ends and all achievements will disappear, all disputes ends, all relationships stop. When we look back, the things that stay are:"what impact have you created for the society", "what impact have you created for the world", "whose life have you changed", "what history are you leaving behind for others".

In conclusion, always act for others for those are the things that stays even after you life. Things that are for yourself will disappear when life ends. Think of the world, act for the world.

(Damn, how come i talk this kind of things?)

6/01/05

I am beginning to confirm that my kind of job is auditing. The satisfaction of pulling out from a job after you finish it is really unexplainable. Am I the only one so happy with doing auditing?

The happiness of being appreciated by the team IC is really great. I receive a meal treat from him again. Omg he is really a big spender. I guess girls would like that kind of bf/husband and dislike my kind right? He is really amazing. One worthwhile to work for. He really teaches me things. And I'm not just doing VT thingys. He taught me all that it takes to be an A1. And... He taught me the whole inventory testing thingy, and he left me to do it all alone.!! Well, all the field work of course, not the documentation. The documentation will come after the fieldwork. So what was he doing all along? Omg, clearing his coaching notes for other jobs. So... that is what SAs do. Faint. I will rather stay as A1 forever haa.

Next week is my last week in the audit firm. And, I am still booked on jobs. Eiyo, why book me?

David Tao said in his Mtv (Song: Melody) that:"如果你找到的人能够给你回到年轻时恋爱的感觉，那就对了."

What does it mean when you dreamt of meeting someone who you have never seen before. And strangly, I asked for the person's name and that person replied. Then I repeated the name in my dream. When I woke up, I can only remember vaguely the last character. And after a while, that last character faded from my memory. I tried to recall and I think the person is called something Shi1. Hmm. Strange. But this person accompanied me walking down the road. Cool. (I bet I won't meet this person after I wrote it here).

5/01/05

Still the inventory problem. Then brought back work to do until 9.30pm. Parents quarrel again because of a stupid chao ta (burnt) fruit processor. Damn. Made my day even worst. I always can't do anything about it because 小孩不应该多管闲事。

Just ended a 1 to 1 fyp meeting. Fruitful one. I'm being a bit pushy for us to finish until certain parts of the project so that we don't have to struggle next sem. I don't aim for a high grade because I know it can't be. Comparing the amount of work we are doing with those who are doing research. Its heaven and earth. We are on the earth of course.

(enjoying work to the fullest because someone appreciates my work. I'm still receiving treats from my team IC.... what a big spender. I will pass his spirit down to the next generation when I'm the team IC next time)

4/01/05

I finally experience the emotional side of auditing. My team IC nearly quarrelled with the client regarding some stocktake procedures. Oh yes, I might just be the root of it. But its me who I found the numbers are a bit funny, and my IC agreed and further questioned them. Inventory, the killer section of a retailer.

FA additions, the killer section of a super large service provider.

Ok, my IC just gave me tonnes of work for me to complete. He made it sound so easy but I don't think he knows the trouble and tediousness of getting the required information. I sat in front of a dummy computer for the whole day, trying to get some quantity information out for over a hundred samples. And then I have to reverse stock movements between a certain date to get their inventory level as at that day.

Then, I need to test NRV. I need to pick samples from a list of 20k unique product Id numbers. Then I need to test for cost. Eiyo, why inventory testing so troublesome? And..... I'm going back to that client this year end after I finish my study..... nightmare or heaven? I decide to call it "the hell in heaven".

I'm just so tired and worried about the things to be done tomorrow. Heart pain, heart pain.

Slice of Life

STORIES - We'll See

Once upon a time, there was a farmer in the central region of China. He didn't have a lot of money and, instead of a tractor, he used an old horse to plow his field.

One afternoon, while working in the field, the horse dropped dead. Everyone in the village said, "Oh, what a horrible thing to happen." The farmer said simply, "We'll see." He was so at peace and so calm, that everyone in the village got together and, admiring his attitude, gave him a new horse as a gift.

Everyone's reaction now was, "What a lucky man." And the farmer said, "We'll see."

A couple days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, "What a poor fellow!"

The farmer smiled and said, "We'll see."

Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, "What a fortunate man."

The farmer said, "We'll see."

Later in the year, the farmer's young boy went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, "What a shame for the poor boy."

The farmer said, "We'll see."

Two days later, the army came into the village to draft new recruits. When they saw that the farmer's son had a broken leg, they decided not to recruit him.

Everyone said, "What a fortunate young man."

The farmer smiled again - and said "We'll see."

Moral of the story: There's no use in overreacting to the events and circumstances of our everyday lives. Many times what looks like a setback, may actually be a gift in disguise. And when our hearts are in the right place, all events and circumstances are gifts that we can learn valuable lessons from.

As Fra Giovanni once said:

"Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me... the gift is there and the wonder of an overshadowing presence."

3/01/06

I'm back to the super nice IC today. He really likes to treat people things. Got a free lunch from a food court and a Coffee from Delifrance today. He sneezed like more than 10 times today, and I'm in a small room with him. Lets hope my immune system is strong enough *pray*.

Got cut by paper today. pain.

I managed to go back to office to settle some stuff. I remember I posted something about a high ranking person. Well, the thing is solved. The person is not as I thought to be : arrogant and look down on low ranking people. Although she didn't reply to my sms through phone, she sent email to me. Its just that I could not access it until today. The worst case scenario (take-my-form-and-throw-it-away scenario, did not happen. Once again, confirmed that the company people is nice. No corporate people will ever be nasty to another even if they are really pissed. Hmm, except one who I met in ...... (client's place), who made things difficult.

who can understand the feeling of going back to office? Who can understand the hell that I went through last week, and the heaven that I will be going through again this week. This team IC will be my mentor for audit.... permanently. Its not easy to find someone who can click with me. A single guy who experienced the same situation as me too. I'm just happy to have him to teach me. I'll be looking for him when I go back in July. One who I will work for, chiong for, and "die" for.

Tomorrow is a chionging day for me. Inventory section..... for a retailing store.... is jia lad.

Next week job.... a banking job with a ..... westerner. A 2 man show..... including me. Maybe I can ask him:"I make coffee, photocopy things.... ok?" haa. Know nuts about banking jobs. I heard from my senior that you need to be handsome and beautiful for bank jobs, or else the clients won't want to be bothered with you. I certainly don't qualify haaa.

Slice of Life

Breaking Out of Routines

Human beings are creatures of habit. We like our comfort zones, our clearly marked boundaries, our routines, our retreats. We take paths that we or others have tested and proven safe, and hardly stray from them. We structure our lives based on patterns which have always worked for us and are averse to trying out anything new.

Routines can be useful, but if we adhere to them too rigidly, we may soon find our lives emotionally dull and meaningless. Over time, our stiff patterns may become blinds that shut out the possibility of a more vibrant, exciting and promising life.

Identify your routines. What do you do every day? So often that it's becomes a subconscious decision that requires hardly any thought? Why do you do it? Does it really benefit you? How does it benefit you? What about weekends and your leisure hours? Do you seek out the usual sources of entertainment or recreation?

If you feel like you're in a rut, that every day seems too similar to the day before, then you might want to try enlivening your life by breaking out of your routines. You may be so comfortable with them that deviating from them seems hard, but you can start with the small things.

Like taking half a day's leave to go to the movies. Taking a different route to work. Or a different mode of transport. What about eating something you've never eaten before? Or reading a magazine you've never had an interest in before?

These things may seem laughably insignificant, but it's not the thing you do that's important. It's how you allow each new experience to delight and invigorate you. Seek to be different and embrace variety and change. Don't let monotony chase the cheer out of your life.

2/12/05

Ktv in morning. Yesterday midnight, I received a call from my friend. Yeah, old boys gathering again. The group which I will laugh and laugh with. A grp of no stress, full of gossips, cheeky jokes, and scandalous information. All the "yoh yoh" language will come out. "Eh brother....." muahaa . I miss those kind of language.

Members of that group (nicknames) - ganjiong spider, westini, lumpy, ling ling aka bug (me).

*going to get wacked by them if they read this.

Sang like killing chicken today. Eeks.

Looking forward to my next job for work. After last week's training, I think I am more prepared to face more stress during work. Last week was a training from hell. No fun at all. Last week lasted like 1 mth.

2 more weeks to school. Looking forward to finish it quickly.

*why do I behave differently infront of different people? Sigh

1/1/06

First posting in the year 06. First game to complete for the year, Shining force Neo. First day to spend so big sum of money for a set of anime. First day to get a surprise sms from a friend. I do get surprises once in a while, from various people that is.

Control budget!! The whole family going into cost management now. haaa, can reveal much. Its family matters after all. I can't wait to start work. Prove myself in work.

I'm going to prepare my voice for tomorrow. Its singing time again!!

200 epi over of anime for me!! yeah, supply for 1 yr. super.

I'm a mummy's boy haa. Brought my mum for shopping at marina square. Ah, I drag her along with me lah haa. Then went bishan. Family lunch in the food court!! Nice cosy feeling. Yeah

31/12/05

A new year, a fresh start. Past yr was ups and then downs. Its just like the stock market, cyclical. Just hope that I'm going on a rising trend next sem.

New year celebration was cool. Its with the westwinds people. Wow, its really alot of excitment being with them although I'm mostly quiet with them. I get to see Japanese band competition top bands performance on a DVD. I get to see Final Fantasy Advent children on a Double layer DVD. The feeling is really different from MPEG format. I get to have a free flow of alcohol again. I received a set of nice gift containing a photo album (wonder what i should put inside), a cast puzzle (level 4: cast ring), a DVD containing a recording made during Westwinds visit to Yodogawa high school (a live performance by Yodogawa, just for Westwinds). Very valuable gifts.

Alcohol

Wow, tested so many types. It is today that i know that there is Ice wine too. I tried that ice wine and I heard its damn expensive because its made from Ice berg water. Then I tried a red wine (something pipe). Damn hot (not temperature sense). Then I tried a white wine also (can't remember the name). It has a meat smell to me, eeks. Then I get to taste the Baileys!! Really very thick taste. On second thought, haa I might not like it that much, only to a certain extent that it is sweet. I wonder if there is a totally sweet alcohol drink.

Another stupid idea came into my mind. There are 3 types of after-drinking reaction. First, the person becomes crazy and talks rubbish. Second, the person becomes blur and confess all truth. Third, the person becomes quiet and don't want to talk. Haa, I belong to the third type. No one will be able to dig up my secrets even if i'm drunk haaa. No in a million years.

Gifts exchange

Well, its my mistake again. I didn't see in the email that there is a price range for the gifts. In the end, I bought a super cheap stuff loh. Well, its way below price requirement. Blur me. But the gift looks great even though its cheap. Its a scent bottle. Nice blue colour sand dust inside with a few sticks, shells, and pearls (fake one i suppose). It looks like an abstract of a sea shore. And, I really bought suitable gifts because its a lady who received my gift (random). Its a lady for the second year (different person). Next yr should be more focus on buying the gift for a lady? haa

WestWinds

The band, an established lot, is really good when it comes to organizing a function. Everything seems just so easy. Pot luck they say, and all the dishes are up, prepared by all the different sections. Where in the world you see such prompt responses from different sections when it comes to gatherings. Its really a successful one.

Even though I might have been unhappy with certain things inside, I think its still a place worthwhile to stay on. And its not as though its easy to get into the band, and I am the privileged one (no audition). With such establishment, progress, musicianship proficiency, cohesiveness, positive culture (with some negative ones of course), how would I bear to leave that place.

I am grateful that my friend has invited me into another band, but I will be losing so much if I leave westwinds. Westwinds is a place where I can don't worry about instrument problems, membership problems, score problems, logistics problems, politics problems, conductor problems, concert problems. One problem that present is only the location problem, which I can compromise. To be sure, I have actually made thorough consideration before coming to this conclusion. Even though I didn't join the band that you are handling, it doesn't mean that I don't think that the band is not good. Its just that I'm coming from a different perspective. I've been in westwinds for more than 2 years, and I hope to continue from there. I'm sure you can find another eupho player that could be better than me.

A probable misunderstanding

I remember that there was a time, where I told someone that if I were to see her working in the audit firm that I'm currently working, I will be a whistle blower to what ever she does wrong, and I'll make life difficult for her (through msn). I guess that made her gave me an "eeks" reaction. But i guess she doesn't know that I'm just joking. After that time, I think she didn't talk to me again. Haaa, although we seldom talk but we do talk, sometimes. Now, totally none. haa. And her msn nick seems to always add salt onto my wound. Well, I'll send a birthday sms on her birthday and see what's her reaction. (probably: "Thankz" on the surface, but actually "F*** off lah").

(Thats all for confession)

Gathering place

I think I should describe the place a bit. Its a damn nice place. Should be considered a condo? a bunglow? a semi D? Or what? I also donno. There is a security guard at the entrance but the house is 4 storeys, not highrise. carpark is below the house at the basement. The outside look like a garden where the neighbours are just opposite (no roads in between). The whole place just look not like Singapore. Its a foreign paradise in Singapore. There are pool, gym, and any other things that you can find in Condo. Beautiful.

One thing not so good... or maybe its acceptable is that, you can see your neighbour sitting at their sofa when you are in the living room. Well, hope no nasty neighbours for them haa.

Back home

First thing, bathe. I got a baby cockroach accompanying me. I first saw it under my feet. I wonder how it got there. Then, it started running around in circles, and I "danced" with it. I just hate the itchy feeling when it touches your feet. In the end, it was clever enough to hide under a pair of arching slippers (taking shelter from my shower bombardment). I keep looking at the slippers to ensure that it doesn't come out to attack me while I was completing my bathing. I just don't want to start the year by killing one living thing. No wonder I am called Bug. I started my year dancing with cockroach.

My mum bought me a new water bottle. Although its not big enough, its expensive. Really like the feeling of receiving gifts (surprises). Now I know why girls like surprise gifts. Ha, too bad, I don't go around giving people gifts. I'm a miser I admit. Or perhaps, a consciencious cost controller. I'll only spend when its meaningful for me to do so.

Talking about spending, I will be operating on intense cost control next sem due to no income input. So hope my friends will understand me if i behave like an ass. I'm not like some people who are born in families that do not have to worry about those kind of things. I'm very proud of my parents though. Fought to get what we have today.

I think I've spoken too much today. must be the alcohol. (Bailey tastes cool!)